2012 Words Are Us

“Words are here as a tool, as support as assistance for each one of us to communicate with each other, to converse, to express and live through our words, to show each other who we are as I am communicating, expressing, sharing and showing who I am through words. I am the words I speak as each are the words you speak. Words – through words we communicate, we share, we express – have anyone forgotten the importance of words, of realizing the simplicity of the living word?”
~ Osho through the interdimensio­nal portal [1]

Within studying the basics of linguistics I realized how everything that we can define in this world, all that we are able to communicate, identify and depict in this reality can be expressed through words. Some  years ago when I went through one year in linguistics school, I would hear teachers saying how we had chosen to study the most important subject within humanity, which is words – though I judged this as part of their necessary self-glorification because of having dedicated their lives to this science. I was wrong.

One of the core definitions we had to learn by heart is that language is a group of conventional signs arbitrarily created and agreed upon by people. When understanding how the sign was created as the arbitrary placement of one piece of reality= a group of letters called ‘word,’ I thought that this was almost like ‘violating’ the reality that is here – it was like becoming God within being able to name things and give it a certain space and value within what would become the realm of knowledge, our first bite of the apple.

Within this realization, I came to a precipitated conclusion that we had just created a world out of ‘made-up words’ – we had simply taken the entire language system‘as it is’ because that’s what we learn and acquire from our parents, that’s what we use to define what’s here and communicate with others, never really questioning to the core how is it that we have words for everything that is here in both physical and ‘abstract’ reality.  At the time it felt like being studying the origin of the corruption of what is here as the primordial human imposition onto life,  it was like separating a piece of reality, placing it under a certain category wherein we become the point that categorizes and ‘controls’ reality through words, this is where human’s ‘reason comes out as the self-belief – or dare I call it self-talk – that ‘we now know better’ because we are able to define it.

This mindfuck  that I created for myself  became an excuse for me to degrade this reality to being ‘an illusion’ and a ‘fallacy,’  because we have based our reality essentially out of words that – literally – god knows how we got to create. The origin of languages has been placed within the Indo-European civilizations according to the academy; however this only seems like placing a starting point for the sake of having that first methodic doubt solved and not have to linger around ‘filling the gaps’ within our history – which is still being sought/ studied in various fields of our human civilization (see.evil-I-zation)

That’s where I began seeing how there were words that are used to name what is here, what’s physically here – and that makes perfect sense – and words that were then pointing out to an almost ‘metaphysical existence’ that is not-tangible. We are human beings that require to interact with each other in relation to ‘What’s Here’ and whenever we say ‘what’s here’ it means: the world with everything that is existing as the entire ecosystem, the physical reality that we eat from, that we breathe and live and interact within. But then, the word ‘concept’ came into being, it was this ‘abstraction’ that the word becomes out of a piece of reality .

I’ll explain again the cookie-dough theory simply because that’s the way I was able to grasp it that day in school. We have the ‘nebulae of thought’ as they describe it – yet I would rather place it as we have the reality that is here as raw cookie dough. What we did as humanity, was creating a set of cookie cutters that are in, this case, a specific configuration of letters as words to take a piece of that entire mass of cookie dough and give it a shape, give it a form. Within the identification of such mass within a particular form, we are then able to give it a name, to call it in a way that we are able to identify it from the other pieces of reality that have been created with other different shapes from the same cookie-dough.  Just as the first molecule explained, what happened as we went on creating words to name what is here is that the primordial separation of ourselves as one and equal began. Words became these capsules that enclosed a particular meaning/ piece of reality which was absolutely arbitrarily placed.

An example we had was in terms of different languages – in Spanish it is ‘tongues’ as languages is the system of signs, where as ‘tongues’ is different idioms as languages such as English, Spanish, German, Gaelic etc. So, let’s say we have a particular range of colors that go from green to grey. In English there can be a particular word that indicate a particular tonality of green that is predominantly green, whereas in another language such as Gaelic for example, there is a word that would comprise the meaning of a color that was considered ‘green’ yet it was predominantly grey in nature (nature seen here as the color spectrum.) And probably another language could have comprised the meaning of the exact equal combination of both colors in one single name of the color – this is how words that comprise a certain range of meaning in one language, would not exist in another, while – even worse, there was even a gap left for a particular color range that didn’t even have a name. When I realized this, the biblical myth of the Tower of Babel came to mind as our reality: separated by words, by different language systems wherein we all eventually got lost in translation and were simply cursed with having the ability to communicate only with those that used the same code, which eventually became our different cultures/ nations as the blocks of separation. In our attempt to ‘reach god’ we were instead separated through and by words.

“When the languages were confused at the tower of Babel – the outcome you are living now was already foresaw and programmed; and every thought you have was programmed through fuzzy-logic to give you the idea that it is ‘you’

[…]

So the tower of BABEL; it was the attempt of man to build the road/ladder to heaven on earth which was within the DNA/MEMORY of the beings confused to prevent them from doing this by creating multiple-languages so that the humans could not co-operate and never create heaven on earth as it is part of human nature that makes it impossible. Meanwhile it is part of pre-programming. Languages so became the sins of the fathers / the principle of divide and conquer. Now it’s taken forms as personalities as well  that cannot see eye to eye.

                                                                          ~Bernard Poolman (25/11/2011)

A contemporary example of how this separation is now made into profit – and as our entire money system – is the eternal battle of Microsoft vs. Mac – you can’t simply make them function/ work along because of their different OS System, specifically designed to be incompatible and within this, polarize the computer industry/ market. That’s how we have existed as humanity essentially – and this is not only in relation to speaking different languages which define/ identify the entire culture of a civilization/ group of speakers – but also as the creation of words that became the ultimate tool – and even weapons – created and used to conquer reality, which means ‘gaining power = $’ as a means of control upon life.

Not being able to communicate effectively is also a big problem in our reality. We see this every single day when not being able to communicate within common sense with other beings, simply because knowledge and information as concepts, theories and further mindfucks clog the ways in which we could understand the simplicity of what being living the words imply. This is also because common sense as a living-realization of doing/being what’s best for all has not been lived/ applied either,  and we are barely placing our feet on the ground to get to live that at the moment here. This is how and why the purification of vocabulary has been constantly reinforced within the Desteni material, to realize to what extent words are the key to Self Honesty, to Live as one and equal = because we create this reality as the words we accept and allow ourselves to live/ exist-as.

“Wanting/desiring to become God – is the most profound trap of enslavement in this world – that have raptured the very core of beings into separation. Seeking God as themselves or within others through utilizing methodologies of this world.”

                   ~ Swami Muktananda through the interdimensio­nal portal[1]

I underestimated and degraded myself as words at that time while deeming them as cages of this reality – fascinating self-revelation: me judging words with words that could only depict the nature of what I had accepted and allowed myself to be and become. That was the time when I decided that ‘words weren’t my thing,’ I dropped out of linguistics deeming ‘the systematic nature of words’ as something ‘too constrictive for my liberal mind.’  I opted to create images, entered art school and declared war against words.

It was rather foolish to do this because it’s definitely clear how we cannot separate ourselves from our creation – yes, this was my attempt to ‘escape the system’ as well. I also indulged in literature that would be vicious in nature, depicting the misery that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to become in our desire to live within an equation of experiences = ‘being alive.’ It was only when I got to Desteni that I realized what a mindfuck I had created with my ‘rebellion against words,’ I had only created the ultimate separation and spitefulness toward myself, and the world as a whole.

“No word is just a word in this world–it is our fucked- up nature that is in the words

the deceptions exist as words–acceptances–kindness—allowances, etc.

do not avoid words — direct words”

                                                                                              ~ Bernard Poolman

It is only now that I am able to see and realize who I have accepted and allowed myself to become as the words that I think, as the words that I speak and place into action by myself – that is and has become our ‘free choice’ wherein we have an array of words that we can choose to speak and embody without any insight or realization of what is it that we are in-fact saying/ speaking and communicating with others. When we do get to this point of seeing what-on-Earth we have become, the only way to stop it is through Self Forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to declare war against myself as words, to become disgusted by our creation as words and in that, spite my reality through indulging in the use of words to degrade myself through judging and criticizing myself/others,  disregarding at all times who I was within and as such acceptance and allowance of uttering such words toward myself, others and the world that is here, that I separated myself from.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to deem words as jails for our reality, and within this remaining as a victim of a system that I saw myself as ‘not being the creator of’ while neglecting the fact that I have accepted and allowed such words to exist as part of myself and this world, without seeing that it is only through and as myself that such ‘atrocities’ can stop, instead of blaming/ judging words for themselves. Words are innocent, it is only us that have given such ‘free reign’ of the having tried to avoid, suppress and escape from them through separating myself from the words I speak, never minding the consequence that I created and manifested through perpetuating the separation of everything that I name and speak as ‘separate’ from me.

“Words are innocent – it is us as who we are that place value and worth and definition to words. We have separated ourselves from words – where words had become separate from us – with separate definition, with separate energetic experience connotations to words which we have used to define who we are separate from ourselves – which has manifested in the form of mind consciousness systems.”     ~ Sunette Spies

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to indulge into speaking words without ever questioning the consequences that I would be creating when uttering them, never questioning what words could create within this reality that is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use words to control, manipulate, denigrate, judge, criticize and vandalize a reality that I defined through words as the actual reflection of what is existent here as myself, as the depiction of what we are accepting and allowing ourselves to be and what we have become, never realizing that who I was in fact judging, criticizing, denigrating, manipulating and controlling is/was myself only through accepting and allowing such words to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and use words that would enable the continuation of abuse toward anything/ anyone in this reality that is also myself.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to not question the meaning of words and the potential harm/ abuse and separation that they implied. Within this I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to use words inadvertently, repeating the words I would hear around and see others speak without ever daring to stop myself to see what I was actually implying and meaning within such words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak words out of spitefulness toward words themselves wherein I then placed myself as a victim of ‘language’ as a form of separation, instead of realizing that words are me, words are my creation and within this I take Self Responsibility for each and every single word I’ve uttered in disregard of this point of self-creation.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear using words such as hate, in fear of realizing that I was actually fearing realizing what was existent within me as ‘hate’ as part of this reality/ as myself.

See, this is the shocking point that I realized – how anything that can be named and defined is because: it exists. When reading words about our psychological terms, when finding out the meaning of certain words that imply actions such as forms of torture, diseases, social-negligence such as ‘starvation’ and ‘murder’ – these words exist because we have created them through our own actions. These words have been ‘lived’ – perpetrated -  as what we have accepted and allowed as ‘human nature.’ Words are the mirror of what we exist as – and it’s definitely clear now that we must take Self Responsibility for each word that we have uttered in separation of ourselves. This world is the result from us speaking and acting without awareness of our thoughts and words, without considering what we were actually manifesting as ‘gods’ of this reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spite myself with words that I used in order to ‘spite humanity’ as an attempt to become ‘god’ and stand in a ‘superiority’ point wherein I deemed myself to be ‘right’ and the rest of the world was ‘wrong,’  never realizing that this entire reality and words are who I am, and within this I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to use words in means of creating and building up an image of myself, an idea that has no relation to who and what I really am, here as the physical reality that I breathe in.

We have created words that are able to rise us up to a non-existent heaven, and words that can depict ourselves as the scum of the Earth. Last night I came to the realization that: we are one and equal as the scum of the Earth – why have we created such value systems as words that can categorize something that is here that may cause us repulsion or disgust – yet it’s part of the Earth itself, is our reflection, it is part of what’s also here as ourselves.

In an attempt to become God, we became our own holy talking ghosts with enough words to fuel our ‘idea of self’ with either delusions of grandeur or misery – both equally fucked – yet only existent in our minds in an invisible form, missing out the physical reality that is simply HERE as ourselves, as the flesh and bones, as the monads of life – if I can call it that -  that we have simply disregarded while being too busy ‘thinking words,’ never seeing and realizing what we were caging and defining ourselves-as and the consequences of how we ‘shape’ ourselves as the words we say/think and act upon.

We are here in fact to relinquish such accepted and allowed past through writing ourselves out, unconditionally placing before ourselves even the darkest pit of our regret through words within the understanding that: we are able to Forgive Ourselves. Whenever I have realized and applied this, it becomes a living-realization that I can now let-go of any attachment I had toward everything that I had blamed myself for/ felt ‘bad’ about, any despicable words projected onto myself/ others and the guilt/ remorse and shame that comes with it,  because there is nothing to keep lingering on to within that. It would only recreate the same patterns if I was unwilling to forgive myself. Blame is another way for us to keep that ‘trap’ in place, simply because in our minds it is a well-known place – whereas taking self-responsibility for our words to stop and correct such patterns is not yet. That’s how now we get to actually create ourselves from the vantage point of giving ourselves a second chance to actually live through applying and living Self Forgiveness.

What does Being the Living Word mean?

“We must, as I have, forgive ourselves for the allowance of separating ourselves from words, which caused knowledge and information only, alone, separately to try and understand and express itself through the creation of the mind/consciousness whilst us were unaware of who we are as knowledge and information in application: the living word. We have allowed ourselves to become slaves to knowledge, slaves to information and have forgotten how to live, forgotten how to breathe and have forgotten the moment as who we are in every moment with every breath.”
~  Osho [1]

“Words are alive – they haunt you infinitely if you abuse words – they never go away – there’s a haunted story if you’ve ever seen one – we’re living it in this world

what exist as this world which you touch – this is living words – this is the living word

touch is a word which you live – because you touch – so, you live the word touch”

  ~beard hair through the interdimensional portal, 2008

Be watchful when you speak – when you voice – be certain that when you speak the words are one with you as you as who you are of life – if they are not – you will surely create and experience what you speak and what you voice as who you are – you create and manifest and experience what you speak – if necessary – do not speak or voice at all – until you are clear and certain of you as who you are with every single word you utter.

                                                                        ~Muktananda [2]

What a great lesson we had missed all the way in existence: we create reality according to the words we speak, according to the words we have created to name our acceptances and allowances. We have given a name to the atrocities that we have perpetuated as our ‘human nature,’ as words we still accept and allow to exist as ourselves in this reality. Imagine being in the moment wherein we have to give a name to the act of a man having sexual intercourse by forcing a woman against her will to do so – the word ‘rape’ was created as an accepted and allowed ‘natural instinct’ of the ape man with and extra ‘r’ to camouflage the act and place it along the large list of words that mean the human actions that name the various ways in which harm and abuse exist.

We are the meaning of such words, it has been an accepted and allowed part of this existence – that is what we have become.

“You have taken the very nature of yourself for granted – your words – your words are who you are – thus who you are is in your words…”[1]

“Insight, wisdom, knowledge, understanding: No matter how beautiful or profound – is empty and worthless without self as presence as the words – without self as awareness as the words – without self living the words.” [2]

Within this process, living the words means we first purify our words to stand one and equal as the words that imply/ mean what’s best for all, as that which we actually see the expression of life can be, the expression that we have tampered with words that have diminished (de-manished) or augmented (increasing ourselves as our mind) ourselves and this reality in absolute separation of the actual expression that can be lived.

Words as Self-Creation

“Be aware, be watchful, be considerate, be creative, be expressive with and through the words you use as an expression, sharing and communication as who you are in every moment with every breath. The moment, the breath, the words, who you are as the living word – this is the recipe for creation. Creating through becoming and living who you are in every moment with every breath. Create yourself, express your creativity through words as who you are as the living word, you are the creator and creation of your world and your existence. You have the opportunity to create in every moment as the living word as who you are.” ~ Osho [1]

“What to do. Silence.

I must silence my mind to see. I must return to birth – to stop all words, all worth, all definitions and start as if I am just born, one difference though – I am going to be my own teacher.

I am going to birth myself.

I am unconditionally going to look at any words I choose to allow within me, as me again and start again.

It must be practical, not only in this world, but beyond.

I must be able to live and experience the word as myself. I must understand honesty with myself.

I must understand self discipline within the process of the movement of myself, as I create myself in this world.

I must stop at nothing and no-one and thus I must be able to stand as all life – meaning, that the answer must prove itself, that when all of life apply it as one, we will be equal and one and live in harmony as God.

I understand clearly that such a point of God/creator existed within each one of us.”
Bernard Poolman [3]

This is how it is explained that we must stop ourselves from recreating the past as words that we see in common sense – the realization of what’s best for all – are not supportive toward our expression, toward the consideration of living as equals/ regarding each other as one and equal.

This is the process that each one lives to see where and how we have separated ourselves from this basic consideration that must become the first educational aspect we can share with children coming into this world. Sharing with them how important it is to be aware of the words spoken to honor themselves and honor life equally, to not accept anything less than who we really are.

This is within common sense – not because words are ‘good’ or ‘bad’ and entering the morality trap again, but just placing a cool question in front: ‘what is it that you really want to be/ become as part of this world? What is the ultimate ‘wish’ for all of us to be and exist-as here? Everyone wants to be able to Live and express and ‘be free,’  thus we share words and live actions that we want to implement as the new way of speaking, living and acting in this world wherein no harm or abuse is accepted again – but expression in self responsibility is understood as the new ‘code in life’ – this is where purifying words/ living words becomes the language we speak. Within this single point, we will be giving an actual huge step for humanity to never again step into the old fuckedup preprogrammed ways of existing in separation ever again.

Self-Responsibility within Self-Creation

“All must, as I have, take responsibility as creators for their creation through words as who you are as I am to set ourselves free from allowed and accepted enslavement self-definition conditionings as knowledge and information which have become God, instead of each one realizing; I am God as the living word and I create in every moment, with every breath with each word creating and forming sentences as a statement of who I am through communication, sharing and self-expression.”

                                                                                             Osho [1]

“Though we’ve entered a phase within process wherein we’ll be stopping ourselves – through the experience of ourselves in and as manifested consequence – this consequence is not a ‘payment for deeds done or words spoken in the past’ from the perspective of ‘deserved revenge’, but simply to realize, simply to see – that there has been and is consequences to what has been accepted and allowed within each one’s actions and words towards self and another as self and another as self as within the manifested expression as this world/reality as nature, the animal kingdom and water.”

- Lao Tzu through the Interdimensional Portal [4]

“Self forgiveness and self corrective action must stand as one and equal as you in and as you – it’s the point of establishing oneness and equality in self expression here as you. Because when self forgiveness is applied absolutely, self honesty will emerge and within self honesty – you will absolutely live the self correction of and as that which you’ve self realized in self forgiveness – as what and how you must change and transform you in and as how you live and speak in self expression here as and while you participate in and as this world.” [4]

Self-Forgiveness is the application and I am the expression that lives it wherein I start taking Self-Responsibility for my creation as one and equal and within this, learning from scratch in humbleness how to become the living word as what I see and realize is what life in equality can be for all.

Cites

[1]Osho. “I am the living word in every moment.” Desteni. 22/03/2007. Web. 24 Feb 2012. <http://desteni.org/a/osho-i-am-the-living-word-in-every-moment>.

[2]Swami Muktananda. “In the beginning was the word and the word was God and the word was with God.”Desteni. 04/10/2007. Web. 24 Feb 2012. <http://desteni.org/a/swami-muktananda-in-the-beginning-was-the-word-and-the-word-was-god-and-the-word-was-with-god>.

[3]Poolman, Bernard. “I, the living word.” Desteni. 04/07/2007. Web. 24 Feb 2012. <http://desteni.org/a/bernard-poolman-i-the-living-word>.

[4]Tzu, Lao. “Manifested Consequence.” Desteni. N.p., 15/08/2008. Web. 24 Feb 2012. <http://desteni.org/a/manifested-consequence-lao-tzu>.

Video Support:

2007: Osho – Words Are Innocent

2012: History of Mankind – Part 138 – The Tower of Babel – The Tower of Evolution

Suggested read:

2012 Reasons for a Higher Purpose

2011/01/24 – Liberty is Really Responsibility

2012/2/20 – 2012, the Sovereign Individual and Equal Money

2012 Life After Death–Interdimensional Portal

It’s been some years since I’ve been writing and I can’t recall having written about meeting Sunette – the portal – at Desteni while being in South Africa.

I had explained before how watching her in the videos wasn’t such a ‘new thing’ for me in terms of having beings talking from the ‘afterlife’ through a human being’s body – even though I later on got to know that channeling wasn’t precisely what she was doing. However being living with her and witnessing how it all works was something quite amazing, yet ‘normal’ as every being that is in the body simply does the same stuff that Sunette would do in any given moment. Whenever I was curious I would ask  ‘who’s in the body?’ this I would do whenever I could notice a particular voice tonality or ‘stance’ that I could recognize wasn’t Sunette – some other times it’s just imperceptible and you learn how to stop creating any idea of ‘who Sunette is’ in contrast to the rest of the beings. I see that’s part of the Equality and Oneness process wherein each being can only have these distinctive remarks as long as we try to find/ spot them – other than that, it’s just an equal and one expression, all equally part of ourselves which is quite fascinating nonetheless.

I could write my personal stories of being a bit surprised in relation to particular beings that would come through and my reactions to it – however the point here is to simply declare that it becomes such a ‘usual thing’ that we even tend to forget what ‘the portal’ actually represents for humanity and existence as a whole.

Hearing the Interview ‘History of the Interdimensional Portal – Part 2’ reminded me that which is still fascinating about Desteni, that which I can answer almost on a daily basis in semi-automated answers in YouTube videos in relation to Sunette being an interdimensional portal, and how her body is the point of physical expression for beings coming through from the dimensional existence to share and communicate about the existential process we are currently walking. However, listening to stories like this made me realize the actual Process we are living, which is a once in an existential-lifetime opportunity for us to finally realize who and what we really are beyond the veils of our mind, as Life – as One and Equal.

It is interesting that we have taken this point as a ‘regular thing’ within our reality, at least for myself after being so used to hearing, reading and chatting with dimensional beings – well, the latter while being at the farm with Sunette around – that I simply didn’t create any further ‘divide’ or separation of being talking with beings that are dimensional = don’t have a physical body/ are not alive any longer as in having a ‘life of their own’ on Earth – yet the words are and have been one of the key points within Desteni and our process as humanity.

I understand that this is the part of Desteni that many people still react to in terms of not being able to ‘prove it’/ witness it for themselves, however we have given testimony of it even in situations wherein we have been scrutinized for traveling ‘all across the globe’ to be at the farm, which is the usual point of identifying it with ‘meeting the portal.’ I can only say that one can make a ‘big deal’ out of it if the message is not heard, because it was through all the words that have come through the portal from beings in existence that I actually got to realize what regarding each other as equals actually implies, which is something that then takes off the ‘weight’ of the portal being something ‘more’ than us, once that we understand what oneness and equality actually means. Within this, there is no need to ‘believe’ in it, but simply HEAR the words and live the message that is shared.

Back to the interview…

The story narrated by this 7 year old boy that died, describes his entire realization of being in a different dimension on Earth. It reminded me of that which is still here yet we have veiled ourselves off from because of being only existing as our mind and in that, missing out the entire existence that is HERE and has always been here. This places into perspective the fact that we have been only walking thought-feeling-emotion machines without any further idea of there being something else to this life.

The fascination that I got from listening to this interview was similar to the one I got from listening to the Atlanteans interviews, which have been so far the history of existence coming from ancestors that we have never gotten to know of in this reality until now, narrated and explained with such detail that makes us really ‘wake up’ to see the bits of ourselves that we have missed within this reality, while being so occupied within our own mind and fighting against each other.

I see for myself how I tend to ‘lose perspective’ at times of what it is that I am actually getting to hear within these interviews as something that I would have never gotten to know of if it wasn’t for the existence of the Portal itself. However, it is also cool that it doesn’t become something ‘more’ than myself, I simply see it as part of the realization of getting to equalize ourselves to as one and equal, which is the entire process we are walking here. The importance or relevance of hearing these stories from the afterlife, as well as the history of mankind, is simply to get a broader perspective about ourselves, about existence and life itself, to learn how to take all points into consideration in terms of the realization that everything we are and do is part of a whole, and within this take Self Responsibility accordingly.

Listening to any material that has been created by the portal/ Sunette for the last 5 years now, has been a definitive turning point for humanity – whether people are aware of it or not – and this is what makes it such an important point to create a reference for as part of this process. With this I mean: we probably wouldn’t be here writing and sharing and applying ourselves within this process if Heaven had not ever been dismantled as the entire system of enslavement that it was.

As fascinating as this may seem for anyone reading here that didn’t have any reference to what Desteni is, I suggest taking a moment to simply listen to that interview as well as any other interview in the Internet from Desteni, as each video-interview is a key point to get to know ourselves, to understand who and what we really are and, most importantly, HOW we can practically assist and support ourselves to become a living-part of the solution that is proposed as the Equalization of Life as who we really are. (See the Unification of Man as I am)

We have never had such an opportunity in existence before. We have this one lifetime to stand up for Life and realize all the lies that we have perpetuated as this current mess of reality and stop them forevermore. Obviously within stopping = a new input must be created, and that’s in essence how we are walking our process to realize and understand what it practically means to stand as One and Equal as this reality – these are common words yet not properly understood within the actual implication at an existential level of what they imply.

For that, I can only suggest visiting the Desteni website and forum for further support as it is definitely quite an extensive amount of material that has been unconditionally published since 2007, plus all of the thousands of blogs and vlogs by us Destonians. We are here and walking the material as our own process which is what makes of Desteni such a cool group of people that are daring to walk ourselves out of our mind and into the physical  – which is nothing else than realizing who we really are as Life and giving us proper support for that to establish a system in this reality that can make of Equality as Life a Reality, regardless of any current obstacle such as money. For that, read all about the Equal Money System

To wrap this up, don’t be afraid to get to know what there is beyond the reality that we see with our current physical eyes, everything/ everyone is one and equal as ourselves and we are here to realize so that we can Birth-Ourselves as Life from the Physical, to finally and actually Be Here.

Enjoy!

Portal expanded interdimensionaly

History of the Interdimensional Portal – Part 3

The Story of Sunette

2012 Desensitizing: A Culture of Indifference

 

Breaking through the past by taking a more ‘open minded’ stance in societies where money dictates the trends of the world, has become humanity’s drive to ‘get rid of the past’ through consuming, transcending ‘morals’  and what is usually considered as ‘politically incorrect,’ which has become the usual way of human beings to shout out to the world: we’re not alright, yet we can ‘handle’ the truth and numb our reactions to acknowledge what is actually going on in this world through neglecting anything that goes on here and see it just as another picture shown on TV, newspapers or magazines. 

Desensitizing is then from the perspective of losing all common sense as the sensual-physical reality that is here – this is done through building a nice niche for ourselves through spirituality/ god, entertainment, jobs, sports,  virtually anything and all that can allow us to escape from our reality. It seems that it doesn’t really matter what images we get to see in the media, we will simply continue digesting them like any other piece of cake, losing all sense of realizing that such war images, poverty, abuse and chaos on the streets of some other place is still part of the same Earth that we all live in = it is ourselves in fact.

With just a few seconds after I turned on the TV this evening, I got to see a mother crying because of her  one and half month old baby that died in one of the ongoing 17 days of continuous attacks in the city of Homs in Syria – another mother carries her baby that is crying, the expression in the child’s eyes was that of fear and obvious discomfort -  the fact that basic requirements are running out such as water and medicines for such cases is indeed alarming, and there is no sign of this coming to and end. “What is everyone waiting in the world? she sobs  ‘Waiting for all of us to die?’ – and through watching this I can only breathe realizing that I am a spectator of such suffering in front of a screen wondering ‘how could I not react to this?’ – however, this is our reality and manifestation and we can only get to face it by daring to just place ourselves for a moment in such shoes – would we still ‘not care’?

 

The great majority of the world don’t really want to SEE and REALIZE what is going on, because that would entail having to stop the ongoing ‘live to the fullest’ type of experience wherein everyone is rather busy trying to come up with the next greatest thing that can bring some form of fortune, 15 minutes of fame and hype in a world wherein everything that shines catches our attention. Self Honesty is required within each one of us to take off the blindfold. We hide the reality that is here with light, love and gold while seeing images at the same time on TV of  war, death, destruction, famine, abuse, protests, riots, cities being burnt down, political reality shows and a plethora of news can only give us the idea of there being no hope.  This has become our ‘everyday news’ and our ‘everyday living’ – it seems almost elusive to think that we could someday have an hour of news wherein not a single abusive or violent event is reported, and this is definitely a ‘utopia’ at the moment – however we know it’s possible if we step out of our accepted and allowed human misery and start realizing that the solution exists within each one of us.

We form a thick layer of skin on top of ourselves in order to cope with what we have now become ‘so used’ to – unfortunately – to see, which is violence, abuse, blood, tears, screams, images of deformed bodies in order to fit in our current ‘aesthetical standards,’ people with their brains blown out by bombs, yet having news of people making or poverty another profitable fashion game that adds on to the transformation of symbols in humanity from reality into just another trend of the year.

 

There is a point here wherein in this ‘drive/ desire’ to ‘evolve’ and ‘break the old patterns,’ we have lost all perspective of any value/ principle in life. Within this rule of ‘anything goes’ according to only seeing a panorama of the end times – and believing that ‘it is too fucking late now’ – people get desensitized to just accept everything that is placed in the mainstream media that rings our bells toward escapism.  We then indulge into just absorbing & digesting everything that can be labeled as culture, trends, fashion, new attitudes, adopting ‘new ways of living’ that can apparently make us ‘forget the past’ in one way or another.

 

“We may be through with the past, but the past ain’t through with us” is a quote I just remembered from a movie, but actually got to know belongs to Bergen Evans now that I looked it up. This is to acknowledge that as much as we build layers upon ourselves to not be affected by what’s here, we cannot cover up what we are shoving under the rug at the moment. Reality is catching up on us and it’s fascinating that many people are so into the entire rollercoaster ride that haven’t given themselves the opportunity to stop for a moment, and step ‘outside’ of it to see what is it that we are in fact accepting and allowing to exist in this world.

All our effort is channeled to  live as an image, as a character, as an idea that ‘gives a message’ to the world based on what the media is providing in order to create new shit to sell – that’s the point with all trends, for example, how to make stuff obsolete within any fashion realm which not only includes clothes, but also gadgets, cars and anything that is able to have any form of ‘improvement’ in order to sell it as an upgrade. This is also applied to any positive-vibrational-love-and-lighter type of scene wherein the reality that is as raw as can be is neglected in fear of being indulging into the negative. ‘Project an image of success’ is what keeps the masks in place, while any form of foundation that once held such lies is now virtually non-existent – and by that I mean God as Money, as this entire system that is giving its lasts breaths and is only being kept with more lies. The system is ourselves, neglecting how it functions/ how its currently existing is the same as neglecting our own lives.

Is this what we want to be living as humanity? Definitely not – and this ‘carelessness’ in terms of not giving a shit anymore is becoming ‘the trend’ wherein being stupid, being shallow, being absolutely deranged is what’s ‘in.’  What I see is like the ultimate form of spitefulness toward ‘the world,’ but also to each other as a form of pointing out how – for example – kids are currently inheriting a world sunk in debt, destruction and a general crisis wherein all that is being implanted as a message through all of these marketing trends is a ‘hopelessness,’ a ‘anything goes’ or ‘who really gives a fuck’ message that eventually becomes a ‘state of being’ within young people at the moment.

This is already palpable in society – and the more we accept and allow ourselves to be alienated within it by allowing ourselves to be affected by all the messages we are consuming, the more it will become an accepted ‘state of being’ which only propagates the same bs that will make anyone seek for and remain in a sedative position – either through drugs, food, sex, entertainment, sports or ‘anything of the likes’ – which is very convenient by anyone benefiting from it ( $ )

Any form of awareness about the actuality of what is going on in this world is pointed at, crucified or ridiculed – no one really wants to hear the ‘awful truth’ – Why? because of indulging in the comfortable thoughts of ‘Oh well, what difference will it make anyways?’ – ‘Why should I do it? It’s not my fault!’ which makes it a lot easier to walk through reality, not having to stop for a moment to see how come that this system is the way it is, how come there are people lying on the streets asking for money, why is there such an imperative need to steal money to survive?’  There are no relevant sites/ media that are ‘popular’ enough to debunk the reality that we are co-creating at all levels;  this is simply because no capitalist will support anything that is debunking the very foundation that perpetuates and allows its profit to be generated.

So, the importance of exposing our popular/ mainstream reality is a cool and necessary way of getting our reality check about what we are still accepting and allowing to exist in this world – and within that, get to see who and what we have become toward these images that we see on a daily basis and have become part of our ‘culture,’ part of our ‘nature.’ Is it really so?

Ask yourself: Who and what am I in relation to the news that I get to see everyday on TV/ internet? Where do I stand toward it? Do I care? Do I see it as ‘outside of myself?’ – Is there anything I can do toward it? And if your answer to this last question is No, I suggest you investigate in Self Honesty: what is it that I am actually not willing to accept that is in my hands to stop within myself, such as the carelessness and general apathy while ‘not giving a fuck’ about anything. We have to begin by getting to care about ourselves first, to re-establish that ‘sensitivity’ as the tactile physical ability to see what is HERE as this reality.

This world has given us everything we require and even more than that – what have we done in exchange? Nothing, simply augment the consumption, abuse and disregard of anything that is here as being equally alive.

The ultimate question is not only ‘do you care?’ but: Are You Willing to be the example of what is possible to become as an actual living being that takes responsibility for what is here?

For that, we already have a place to educate yourself, we’re already walking the process of stepping out of this general sedated and jaded state of mind and have begun opening our eyes to what is really going on, which is certainly not glamorous, not pretty, not nice – yet that is exactly what we have to acknowledge as ourselves, as the points that are HERE behind the bright lights and fuzzy loving-feelings awaiting for something marvelous to just ‘change the world’ – Nothing will come and save us, nothing will change the world and we can only turn a blind eye as long as we are apparently ‘not affected.’

Let this not be a ‘it’s too late’ excuse for you to stand up and will yourself to see reality and walk the necessary process to educate yourself, to see what you are currently existing as and make a decision to Live, to consider what living in Equality can be like if we all place ourselves to establish this principle as a living reality on Earth.

This won’t be easy  – we have an entire past chain of ‘original sins’ to stop – each one of us has to do this – and the more we wait, the longer it will take to wake each other up to see what is it that we are in fact doing to ourselves while only living as disposable motion pictures seeking for a purpose in life.

It is Time to Live, I once felt lost and blind – yet I dared to open up my eyes to see that I have always been here, as myself, just immersed in a built up mind reality that was too comfortable to leave behind  – yet I realized I could not hide any longer – this is it.

Support yourself at Desteni and participate in the forum which is the greatest platform on the internet to realize who we really are and how we are in fact equal and one wherein we all see/ realize that the abuse that is created at a thought level within each one of us Must Stop.

Investigate the Equal Money System in order to see how it is absolutely feasible to create a world that works for everyone, wherein we won’t have to sedate ourselves to ‘go by,’ but instead will be able to finally live and develop our expression to its fullest potential – because that’s what and who we really are and always have been, we’ve just been caged for too long in our minds.

You can get a daily dose of common sense at Destonians.com wherein we all dedicate ourselves to expose this reality while directing it within common sense and solutions that can actually stop the current accepted and allowed mayhem that we are candidly buying and consuming. From politics, economy, nature, health, inner-struggle, mind-demon possessions, day to day living events wherein we all realize the point of Self Responsibility that lies within each one of us by the mere fact of being HERE in this world.

Dare to Free yourself from the invisible cages of our minds –  dare to see the reality that is here – find out how we are all participants and co-creators of it and vow yourself to be part of the solution.

Get back to the physical reality and realize: Life is in Our Hands.

Check out Earthreview.eu a very cool magazine with news/articles that are a reality check of our current globalized-culture while leaving us with the necessary  direction to realize: we’re not lost, we just blew things out of proportion because of MONEY and the eternal desire to play god. It was about time reality was exposed with the necessary does of common sense where it usually wouldn’t shine.

2012 Man’s True Nature

“The natural intelligence of man is simply to function on the level of his true nature.” J.Ukelachi

That can be a conundrum in itself simply because such intelligence is only knowledge and information that has not served to create a world that stands in equality or even consider what’s best for all, it’s only compliance and superiority in relation to the functionality of a system of input/ output with no common sense of how to actually live it/ apply it in this physical reality. Then anyone that actually reads into these words would have to ‘assume’ there is certain ‘true nature’ to man, as if there was some ‘false nature’ which would only place the entire existence in a polarity system of true/ false without realizing that such polarity must be stopped first in order to take the system as it currently exists and walk the process of correcting it within the principle of what’s best for all.

Such ‘true nature’ would only confirm the preprogrammed condition of man as a mind consciousness system existing in separation from the physical body that is equally here – hence it is to ground ourselves within this starting point and understanding in order to first walk ourselves as our mind, establishing that initial ‘get to know yourself’ through writing, applying self forgiveness and walking your own words to see where is common sense, what requires to be corrected, where am I requiring to understand what Self Honesty is in this/ that situation.

What we currently understand as ‘life’ is a system – the same with nature and the human – hence the perceived disparity of humanity toward nature is only a ‘systematic discordance’ that can be corrected with the process and tools we are walking here at Desteni.  Thus, for the sake of practicality and placing concepts aside for now like ‘true self’, ‘natural intelligence,’ ‘true nature’ and ‘acting according to the being,’ which could only be considered as ‘natural’ within the context of how the program functions, we first establish the very basic facts wherein we simply realize that if any of such ‘natural disposition’ of humans existed in common sense or actual harmony = the world would not be in the current way it is existing now with human beings leading/ establishing the rules in a way that is obviously not best for all.

Thus, through this process and understanding Self-Honesty, you will get to realize that such ideal of our ‘true nature’ being benevolent or harmonic in itself,  is simply a belief to neglect what is actually here as ourselves, creating and manifesting the reality that we are now judging – which is certainly a point to STOP for once and for all now that we see and realize that we are all equally responsible for what is HERE = it is indeed our truth and mirror of how we are existing within our minds.

Within the understanding that life as we know it is a system and nature as we know it is a system, we then come to the realization that what must be transformed into correction in order to be aligned as Life in Equality, is the human being itself from the very basic programming wherein we work with debunking our personal beliefs/ acquired knowledge in relation to what we have identified/ believed to be ‘intelligence,’ ‘true nature,’ ‘true self’ and all of these concepts through a written process wherein we first get to know HOW we have acquired such knowledge and information in the first place, how is it that we have imposed such concepts upon the evidence of what is here wherein we see/ realize that if such ‘intelligence’ for example was ‘real,’ then why are we still running a system that is deliberately neglecting support for all beings equally?

The truth is, we have lacked the very basic understanding of ourselves as one and equal as Life – this is how the process is to begin with placing out through words what is our current understanding of ‘Life,’  ‘Equality,’ ‘Self’ – from here and through assisting and supporting ourselves with all the Desteni Material, you can go cross referencing if what you currently understand of this reality to be is in fact in accordance/ congruence with the physical reality that is here.

That’s how within the forum we walk with writings that are directly linked to our every day living, our living reality wherein we are able to get to know ‘who we are’ in every moment that we interact with what’s here. It’s certainly easier to discuss these points – however the ‘real deal’ is getting to live them as who we are in every moment, and for that, the support is here, to cross-reference ourselves through our writings and giving feedback in order to go realizing where we have ‘missed’ ourselves – and from that, stand up and take self responsibility for our creation.

A point of support as your Reality Check is to study how the system functions – how politics, the money system, how our basic institutions work, how is it that education plays a major role in keeping a status quo in this reality, how is it that religions/ spirituality have perpetuated elusive concepts that are nowhere to be found in this reality.

I also suggest letting go of past concepts and knowledge in order to not want to fit one’s ‘previous concepts’ into the understanding that we are walking here, which will certainly lead you to debunk several words in order to establish a new starting point for words to be able to be lived, some others will even have to cease to exist.

Within walking ourselves through writing, we go discovering ‘who we are’ within this entire system – this is how we ask ourselves pertinent questions like: how do I stand toward the system, what is it that I have accepted and allowed to ‘rule me’ in separation of what is actually here, in the physical and within this, walk the actual process of self correction in common sense = in the consideration of what’s best for all.

‎”All existence is a harmonic reflection of the nature of the creators of reality and man is the creator — thus creators will eventually understand what it means to create and what responsibility really involve and then man will be creators no more — as life never creates : life express” – Bernard Poolman

|Marlen @ Destonians.com||Facebook

• • Taken from the Desteni Forum thread:

    Humans Are the Creators

   

2012 Self Acceptance

 

We have defined ‘being accepted’ as fitting into the cookie-cutter role-models that we have been taught will lead us to that state of ‘satisfaction/ happiness/ fulfillment,’ wherein we would finally be able to be at ease with ourselves. Being accepted ‘by others’ has become the way for us to usually define self-acceptance – yet it doesn’t have anything to do with how we look, how much money we have, how others see us or even who we are in relation to others.

 

In the beginning was: Separation

It is as if the starting point for us in this world is lacking any form of ‘completion’ as the realization that who we really are is one and equal. Because this is not even considered as one of the basic platforms upon which all education should be placed, we are instead ‘trained’ and inserted within the world that we identify more with a race track than an actual living-ground, only to someday – maybe – get to the finish line wherein all the ‘glory of the world’ will rain down for us.

The starting point for every single human being at the moment is having to manage to ‘get to point A to point B’ wherein for some this implies managing to survive from one day to the other with proper living conditions such as food, water, shelter, clothing – some don’t even get that and some others could afford getting 10000 times that.

This is the world that we live in and within this, self acceptance is conditioned as part of the system wherein all attributes/ additives/ toppings that we use to build-up ‘who we are’ as our personality and ego, will play a definitive role in how we perceive ourselves, how we judge ourselves which eventually become our own projected judgments as ‘how we think others see us’ – which is something like agreeing to play in our own ‘wall street’ roulette as individuals in society, wherein our value will go up or down according to the amount of shareholders we’re able to ‘trap’ with our presentation, our personality, our ‘traits’ and within that, how much of that we eventually become as ‘who we are,’ forgetting any common sense realization of the very basics that stand here as the physical body that we all reading this are existing as.

 

How I walked this initial perspective of ‘self acceptance’ was through looking for relationships, which is mostly propagated and constantly ignited by the media and society, our family and immediate circle of interaction. We learn how we are only ‘someone’ if you engage in a relationship with another human being, which is masking the entire impulse for sex as the usual ‘rite’ to be an active member of society, to be a part of the hype of the world without ever, ever questioning WHY this is so until now.  This is how we then get trapped into the quest to reach such  fulfilled/ happy and apparently satisfied self-experience because of having someone that would approve of ourselves as ‘human beings,’ to eventually quench this thirst that we call ‘living’ as a bundle of experiences = this is NOT what life is.

 

From this, we can see how we have never even known what ‘Self Acceptance’ is, simply because the common place to go to when looking at these words implies not having been living from the starting point of what should have been an inherent part of our education/ upbringing, as the identification/ recognition of who and what we really are as LIFE, as One and Equal. The fact that we have to talk about the very basics of understanding who and what we really are and getting to the point of Self Acceptance as Life, as our physical body here, implies that we have been living in absolute separation from Reality, creating an IDEA of ‘who we are’ which is limited to a certain personality/ego that we ‘wear’ as who we are in order to continue playing the game of seeking this acceptance outside of ourselves – or its reversal/ polarity effect of ‘rejection’ which works in the same way and requires the same effort to ‘keep up’ such stance.

 

There is ‘something missing’

We all have experienced this in one way or another in our lives, we seek all forms of distractions as relationships, friends, drugs, books, music, seeking role models that could embody the idea that we then believe is what ‘being comfortable in your own skin’ would be like, taking only the ‘image value’ that we can get through how we see others, how we believe it is that they are – without ever in fact getting to know what is going on inside such human beings.

We then consume the image-value of what being accepted ‘must be like’ – In my case I associated this mostly with women in your regular alternative music and rock scene from the 90’s wherein I saw the type of strength that I would like to embody, simply because of having been ‘teased’ for being ‘too vulnerable’ as a child – hence we can know that whatever comes as a point of acceptance through wanting to cover up for the a previous accepted and allowed idea of self, is just another ‘suitable character’ as a façade – or even defense mechanism – that can only last for as long as the energy toward it is there.

 

Pseudo-Acceptance

Everything that we ‘become’ as an ego/ personality requires constant food to maintain – just like any other mind-possession that can only last for as long as we continue thinking  – lol, common sense but! it still happens that we don’t even realize the very basics of our self-torturing applications of continuing thinking and feeding all the experiences. Thus the same goes with this pseudo self-acceptance that I experienced wherein I felt more ‘powerful’ for a while while having just covered up with black the previous idea of myself as being ‘easily hurt’ or ‘easily fooled’ – too gullible so to speak. Within this I can see how it was only a temporary mind-job to fix myself for a while until I realized that I had created myself in such a way only to gain a false-sense of strength based solely in an image, which is how I then got to be accepted by others,  having a ‘place in the world’ built around a comfortable spot that I created as a point of contrast to what I would see in my reality.

 

This began within being in a family with other three women – mother and two sisters – wherein I simply vowed to myself not to become like them, which implied avoiding embodying the idea of being what I have judged as ‘social butterflies’ as having this natural ability to be charismatic and liked by people. Within becoming aware of myself as the physical image I see in the mirror, I started developing judgments and comparison toward them which lead me to feel like the odd-part of the entire family, and specifically of the ‘trio’ that we were as sisters.

The moment that I saw myself as unfit to ‘be like them’ and walk the same steps – as well as not wanting to be in the same type of ‘lifestyle’ they were into – I began reinforcing the construction of this safe-boat as the ‘alternative’ one wherein I ensured I had no competition, wherein I didn’t have to create an entire ‘struggle’ within myself in order to keep up with any form of expectations from others/ family/ society according to ‘who I had to be’ as part of my family. I can see now how it is a form of bailing myself out of the unspoken competition through shifting the paradigm of who I was supposed to be, and in that, ensure that no matter what, I’ll have a ‘different spot’ and regard for daring to ‘be different.’ I took this as some form of pride now that I see it, wherein I would then believe myself to be superior to them for having opted a ‘different lifestyle,’ for having dared to leave home to study abroad and other various things that I have defined myself as.

 

Thus, I placed all my effort to create myself as the opposite/ alternative one and in that, I created a form of comfort. I even got to desire being a boy at times, just so that I would not have to deal with the ideal of what I deemed as ‘girly’ type of personality that I judged my sisters for, wherein all the points of self-judgment would form this apparent impediment for me to not be able to stand simply equal and one as myself, but instead ‘opted myself out’ out of such form of unspoken competition by transforming myself into something else. I would then dress with baggy clothes that could resemble an idea of myself as a non-conventional woman at least. 

 

It’s interesting now that I look back at it, I deemed as ‘more valuable’ to be accepted/ liked by others even if not embodying the usual categories of people that would be accepted/ liked by others with particular image-presentations that I had used as a reference point to contrast myself to = becoming the other side of the same coin. We can only take pride on something that we have deliberately created in order to uplift ourselves from a starting point of perceiving ourselves as ‘less than’/ inferior to from the get-go, and in that such ‘superiority’ I developed as judgment in my mind became part of the usual stand toward family and the world in general, thinking that ‘I was right and everyone else is wrong’ which I have also discussed in previous blogs. This is then the entire set up  for that pseudo-acceptance through using personalities to cover up the actual fears and competition games I denied being a part of.

 

So, this became a point of ‘satisfaction’ because of achieving my goal of ‘not being ordinary,’ without ever realizing I was playing the exact same game, yet having killed all possible opponents by default. That’s also probably the reason why I mostly had male friends, so that I wouldn’t have to ‘deal’ with comparing myself to other females – aside from the early teen experiences when I was briefly part of the ‘popular girls’ which seemed too fake for me to deal with, yet I would still see myself as the ‘odd one’ in the picture, literally, which is when I stepped off the bandwagon and created ‘my own way.’

 

A safe spot for Self-Acceptance: get rid of competition

So, that’s how I became ‘me’ and stopped having to deal with any form of perceived rejection from the type of girls that would be in my school at the time, also because I would not agree or even enjoyed everything they wanted to be/ do like flirting, clubbing and the whole lot of things that I simply couldn’t force myself to do just to remain in that circle. So in that, I didn’t ‘bother’ with wanting to be accepted any longer and became a different character so that I would not have to try and fit in.

That’s when I stopped going out with them altogether and resorted into my own world of music, painting, reading and writing some existential woes out alone. Not that I see either point as ‘good’ or ‘bad,’ just looking at how I withdrew from such relationships from the definitive starting point of existing within/ as that particular judgment. I guess I ‘didn’t know better’ because of that school being mostly designed to create a particular type of people that I already knew I didn’t want to become – which is your regular capitalist/ leader type of mentality, the ‘winner’ all the way; in a way I wanted to remain as condescending as possible to all that could not fit into that idea, hence becoming the ‘outcast’ myself.

I must recognize that even the choice of career shifted in that point wherein before – around the age of 14 I wanted to be come a financial adviser/ economist or any other career that would ensure I could earn a good amount of money. The moment I created the shift I’ve described thus far, I went for a more ‘bohemian’ type of ideal lifestyle wherein my dreams would still be that of wanting to be recognized/ famous yet from a completely different perspective. 

 

Seeking similar-ties to be ‘accepted’

Eventually the way to accept myself within such a self created character wherein my self-esteem was already diminished and existing within a starting point of seeing myself as ‘inferior’ to the rest of the world, I eventually got to create friendships and relationships that were equally ‘low self-esteemed,’ people that would also appear as if ‘everything is fine’ and appear mostly ‘confident’ within themselves, while in fact inside we were all just quite a bit of a wreck at the time.  When getting into these friendships/ relationships I thought I had found ‘my place in the world’ within the labeled ‘outcasts/ rebels’ in my reality. I guess I was willing to live like that for the rest of my life.

Through this time, I would simply accept that I had ‘low self esteem’ and in that, got along with people that could complain openly about their physical body not being fit – me saying ‘it’s fine’ – yet never daring to open up my own secretive struggle with it as well. So, the point is not to say ‘it’s fine’ or being condescending about any form or image, but getting to the point of seeing where and how we have created such an idea of ourselves – based on who/what, seeing where such values exist.

That was my ‘escaping’ point so to speak, wherein once that we see ourselves/ step ‘out of the game,’ the only thing that’s left seems to take ourselves to the extreme of such self-accepted ‘disqualification.’
Self-Acceptance as the actual physical-equalization never really crossed my mind at that stage, because of the extent that I had neglected my physical body as something I could get to appreciate.

I eventually discovered the fuel that the entire relationship entailed in order to be accepted by others. I realized that I didn’t want to be ‘liked’ for having particular looks and resorted to ‘my own style’ wherein I made sure that anyone that would be ‘interested’ in me, would not see only the image of myself, but would like me for ‘what I am’ which was what I deemed was ‘the real me’ as my mind/ ego/ personality that I had created with such detail and attention.  Fascinatingly, it was doing the exact same thing that I had judged about others in terms of building a particular self-image in order to enter the market, so to speak.

In that, I used myself as a point to ‘catch’ a particular type of people like friends/ relationships and: it worked – it’s not that difficult for us to see how the system works and how to get what we want we have to become it and like-attracts-like, which  is definitely how we work/ function at a mind level. In all of this, where was myself as that point of self-acceptance as my physical body? Nowhere to be found.

 

I lived the ‘accepted by others’ type of acceptance which eventually lead me to live in perpetual fear out of losing such people in my world, because of the idea of myself that I have built of myself toward them as that constant ‘fix’ to keep me ‘uplifted.’ This fear became unbearable at some point,  I would definitely get possessed/ obsessed at an emotional level because I had not actually learned how to accept myself, be with myself, enjoy myself, alone – and for that, the last stages of that crumbling idea of myself came to a final point once I got myself into Desteni and had specific feedback of how I had belittled myself in the following words: 

¨Participating in thoughts, anxiety and fear towards others ‘affairs’ – meaning making your concern about others towards you your own – always worried about ‘your place/position’ within other’s world – fighting to maintain a ‘place’ or ‘position’ in others’ world instead of being comfortable with just you here, alone within your world of you.

So – stop fighting inside yourself, being worried about what others ‘think’ of you and whether you still have a ‘place’ / ‘position’ in others’ lives from the perspective of them still ‘accepting you’, still ‘needing’ you and still ‘wanting’ you.

When are you going to start accepting you, being comfortable with you within and as you – instead of chasing after others, always existing in worry and concern of whether you still ‘fit into’ other’s lives?

Fear of being independent Marlen, fear of being comfortable with you, accepting you – still needing others to accept you, instead of you being acceptance for yourself.

                                                                                                                           – Sarah”

 

This is a cool moment to share this as it’s been quite a walk after almost 4 years of this message being like a ‘bucket of cold water’ to wake up from my constant worry about this point toward people in my world in that moment. That’s when I decided step out of such relationships and began walking the process of ‘self acceptance’ wherein I experienced the ‘withdrawal symptoms’ from not getting such a ‘fix’ from such relationships, simply because they had become everything in ‘my world.’  That’s been ‘the’ point within my process wherein I neglected myself to the extent of not being able to see beyond this relationship, hence fearing the person that I was in a relationship with  would find someone/ anyone else wherein I would see myself as not ‘fit enough.’

That’s how I existed in terms of depositing any form of self-acceptance only through the eyes of another, according to ‘who I was’ in their world.  Ending that particular relationship was the way to ‘get back to myself’ at the beginning of the process – and the rest is history.

 

Walking Self Acceptance

I began applying myself in the process of standing one and equal as my physical body wherein I became aware about the secretive constant strive I would experience in relation to the judgments that I held about myself. I simply had to face this full on at some point in my process while having to openly burst out and accept the fact that I had been judging myself extensively and not really standing as one and equal as my human physical body.

That’s when I realized that I have to first accept myself as my physical body to get to that point of equalization required for any living being to be able to stand within the ‘greater picture’ as a self-realized being = equal and one. This could not possibly be done if existing within such self- judgment – and this is something that is still being walked. I mean, we have to see how we have programmed ourselves throughout our entire lives – in my case from as young as 5/6 years old wherein I became quite self-conscious about body image or my image in general, which I was never fully comfortable with throughout my life. I could say this is an ongoing process wherein the moment we write more about it, more layers open up which is cool and revealing how writing out supports in clearing up the pipes that might be clogged with memories that are still ‘there’ and not really brought up to the surface to ‘face.’  It become ‘clearer’ as we go along how we go constructing ourselves in our life according to seemingly ‘unimportant’ points that end up defining an entire façade that we end up becoming without being aware of ‘how we got till this point.’

It’s fascinating because I could see myself having judged this current culture in terms of all the effort – or even sacrifice – people take on in order to look a certain way, yet we all play that same game in one way or another, until we realize what we are doing to ourselves and stop.

Right now it’s very clear how this equalization at a physical level is that necessary self-agreement, after having had all of this struggle with myself in a quiet mode, wherein I could easily talk about others doing it, but not accepting I was living it out myself.

So, this is an ongoing process and there is nothing else to do but to walk the process of realizing that there can not be anything or anyone else that can decide ‘who we are’ or ‘what we are’ other than ourselves – and in that, we stand as beings that are no longer having to exist as a point of contrast in relation to that which we judged or avoided to become like. Instead we walk the necessary process of Self Correction in order to exist here, in simplicity – breathing, walking and dis.covering for the very first time what it is to LIVE without having to play a particular character in order to fit in.

 

Take this opportunity to do so as well.
Thanks for reading.

 

 

www.desteni.org
 

 

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2012 The Unraveling

The process of Writing Yourself to Freedom is a self-revelation process that we can all apply in order to become aware of who and what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to become = getting to know ourselves within the starting point of actually supporting us to Live in Common Sense. Within this, the basic ingredient is Self Honesty as the starting point for this process is understanding that there are points that are required to be corrected and aligned within the principle of What’s Best for All within the realization of who we are as Equal and One as Life.

What I’ve discovered is that through writing I was able to see myself through words, just like a mirror of the ego wherein my choice of words as the ‘writing style’ was  what I could see myself playing out in, for example, the first vlogs that I made as part of this process. I was able to start seeing myself for the very first time, simply because I hadn’t ever recorded myself and definitely not for the purpose of self-revelation and self-correction. Though, the main point of support throughout this process has been writing wherein it becomes ‘The Point’ of assistance and support to ground ourselves through the Unraveling of the mind, it is that ‘backbone’ or skeleton structure that we can always go back to in order to ‘pour our mind out’ and within that, go disentangling what we perceive as this entire chaos within ourselves as all the thoughts that we have gave our breaths away to.

Let’s look at it like putting the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle together again – lol which is something that has kind of intrigued me how we can be that ‘crazy’ to buy this as a form of entertainment, while we could have just bought the picture ‘as one’ already. However, we as the mind have complicated ourselves and divided us in these thousand-pieces that we then realize we have to put back together for the sake of realizing ourselves as ‘the whole picture.’ Within this process, one can relate to the patience required to go bit by bit putting the pieces back together to create the entire picture, yet having this yearning desire in the back of our head to ‘have the puzzle done.’

I mean, I walked this point of solving jigsaw puzzles and got to know this aspect of having this imminent desire to complete it/ get it done as fast as I could. However I realized that I was trying to ‘beat my own record’ and prove myself that I could do it or walk through my own desperate ways of ‘wanting to get everything done right away’ – yet I forgot how it was the actual process of ‘putting the pieces ‘back together’ that was the entire ‘gist’ of a jigsaw puzzle, otherwise I could have only bought a poster of the image and that’s it.

This is how I have come to understand this process as well, wherein at the beginning -and even at times still – we tend to want to ‘get it all done’ and within this miss out the entire point of it which is actually walking in space and time the self-realization process to see/ realize that ‘we are here,’ and we are learning how to see ourselves for the first time as creators of our reality, to debunk and demystify our existence that we thought –or liked to believe – it would have any form of ‘greatness’ embedded to it, instead of ever realizing that the simplicity – yet wholeness – of who we really are is what’s being missed every time that we tend to ‘go up in our head,’ trying to complicate ourselves, to exalt our idea of who we are because somehow we have linked all of these experiences as ‘being alive.’

We have compromised each other to have to ‘be something’ in this society. Have a look at the questions of ‘what are you/ what do you do?’ and in this already funneling down everything that we actually are to one single profession, one single gender, to a single idea of ourselves while in fact, who we are is much more than just a few words that can give another an ‘idea’ of who we are as our mind – not as the reality that we are as Life.

It is definitely so that we have set up the system wherein we are the only ones that have separated ourselves from the simplicity of seeing things as they are, instead of trying to embed something to it for the sake of creating a constant experience within ourselves according to a point of self-definition a.k.a. ego of the mind. Within this, it is to see how we have covered the simplicity of who we are with the entire ego as the mask/personality that becomes like a second skin that we believe is ‘who we are,’ yet protecting ourselves from even us realizing what/ how and who we really are, which in simplicity is here as a human physical body equal and one to any other being in this world.

The process of writing ourselves to freedom is unraveling this addiction or attachment that we have created on to everything that we have accumulated throughout our life – either in our minds as thoughts/ memories/ feelings/ emotions or as physical possessions, people, places – making of it only a collection of ‘items’ that we have defined as ‘who we are.’ We become so fixated on it that it almost seems impossible to even fathom who and what we will be without all of those threads woven on top of ourselves.

Each point that we apply Self Forgiveness for is like unraveling those threads and start de-weaving the entire cover that we have built on top of ourselves. It might seem quite ‘difficult’ to go through this as it is essentially having to deconstruct and tear down our ‘precious,’ an entire self-creation that we have created a relationship with for an entire lifetime. However, this doesn’t mean that it is impossible or even ‘too late’ which just reminded me of that I-so-late-shun video wherein the moment that we realize what we have become and there’s an idea of ‘there is no way out of it’ and that we are ‘too late to change’ or do anything to take Self Responsibility, the Isolation comes up as a form of accepting one’s ‘fate’ as immovable. It is then our duty to stop any form of backchat that could tell us: ‘it is not possible, it is too much, I will never get to do this’ or even ‘you cannot possibly forgive yourself for this.’

I can only speak from the time I’ve been walking this process and it takes time and a definitive ‘letting go’ of wanting to ‘become something’ or ‘achieve anything’ through writing that I am able to stand one and equal as the words I go realizing through walking this process. The moment that I force myself to it, the starting point is not being equal and one as myself and in that, there can only come a backfire to be reveal to me how I have ‘missed the point,’ simply because it is not to ‘better’ ourselves or ‘improve’ the idea that we have of who we are, but actually align ourselves to walk the understanding of what it is to support oneself as equal and one. It is within those moments that we actually learn and get to know who and what we have become to eventually Self-Forgive the points. As hard as it may seem at any point/stage within our process,  giving us this opportunity to stand up and forgive ourselves is the only way we can finally heal the point and move on to stand in an equal-stance toward ourselves, to no longer remain attached to a single idea and character of who and what we have become.

‎“The only person standing in your way: Is YOU”
- Bernard Poolman

I have learned so much of myself through this process, getting from an experience of constant insecurity, self doubt and belittling myself to a point of self acceptance and self-recognition to see what I am actually capable of being and standing as when I leave the mind-shit aside.  The fact that we seek recognition in another/ others reveals   to what extent we have denied ourselves as life, how we have basically considered ourselves as ‘non existent’ just because of a set of thinking patterns that we have believed is ‘who we are.’ This really ‘struck me’ at some point, because of how we have diminished ourselves within words as judgments that are not supportive for anyone in any way. How was I able to see and spot this? Through writing myself to freedom, through interacting with others in my reality, through reading and participating in the Desteni Forum wherein we share our realizations and learn how we have all in fact been programmed the exact same way, wherein we realize how each one just constantly sought to have the next ‘quick fix’ as any form of energetic kick in whatever form we would indulge ourselves in.

I have also learned from others as myself, we have gathered our blogs and have created almost an encyclopedia of the human mind for the first time, just because of how it is that we have in fact only now allowed us to speak ‘our truth’ as the reality that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become, yet kept ‘secret’ because of our own egos standing on the way of equality all this time.

Exposing ourselves might not seem like the mind’s favorite game, it is not nice or pretty – yet this is the foundation of what standing in Self Honesty is: daring to bring up that which had been only rotting as a corpse in the closet for ages, never daring to expose it because of the attachment that we had toward it – along with any other judgment toward the fact of having kept it there for such a long time – as weird as it may sound, it seems we all have this tendency to keep our strings attached to that which we know is not best for all, not beneficial. It is only when we Do take the necessary scissors in the form of writing and applying/ living Self-Forgiveness that we can start seeing the range of possibilities that we can stand as in Equality.

It’s fascinating how we have married ourselves to an idea of self, to our own religion, to our own mind and within this, reducing reality to a single system of words and pictures that we have impressed with values and worth as ‘who we are,’ which is unacceptable considering the actual reality we are disregarding in such selfish limited ‘view’ of ourselves and the world.

The unraveling is thus withdrawing from that constant fix that we have created for ourselves in whatever way we had chosen our ‘fix’ to be, which is linked to our ego/ personality as belief, ideas, feelings, thoughts – I mean, we can just look at our incessant ‘thinking’ and we’ll have a direct proof of how we have built ourselves up. Hence writing it out is precisely placing our entire programming/ pattern in front of ourselves – either on a piece of paper or our computer screen – and dare to face it all as our creation, and from here, take Self Responsibility for it using Self Forgiveness as a tool to become really specific on getting to know ourselves, using it as a shovel to make sure we dig out all that is deeply rooted within ourselves as self definitions.

This is how the idea of god or any other magical force around us must be debunked, as there was never any mysterious cause for how things are in this world, for who and what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to become.

For a moment it might seem like we are scared of now leaving everything we have known ourselves to-be behind, and I can say that this is just like any other addict that believes they cannot live without their fix – yes, it takes almost a withdrawal process wherein the symptoms are usually ‘wanting to give up’ or ‘not wanting to continue with this’ – without realizing that giving up is of the mind and that’s precisely what we are realizing here is Not who and what we really are.

Thus, we continue walking here – I have this tendency to apologize myself for talking/ writing too much, but it’s all that I had to say today after having heard a couple of interviews and discussing points with people that are also walking this process wherein all I can see is that ‘the only point that stands in our way is ourselves’ and within that, there is nowhere else to look for answers other than here, getting to know ourselves and will ourselves to live a self-corrective process to stand in Equality as Life.  I could not see myself doing anything else as this is the time where I can finally say I don’t have any more ‘questions’ around my existence, I don’t require to ‘know more’ about it, I just require to get myself to a point of equality as myself and within that, actually learn how to live and coexist as all that is here.

Never underestimate the power of our own words – we are here to Live them.

Suggest to Listen to:

2012: Is Hope an Illusion?

2012: World Transformation – The How-To

2010 Life is NOT an Experience

Why I would not want to be God (Part One) by Heath Ledger

2012 What’s your Mark?

What has ‘marked you’ in your life? If you ask yourself this question you might come up with a memory, a moment in your life that ‘changed it all’ for you. Does that define who you are? Another answer would be having physical marks that could indicate the walk in time-space wherein our physical body starts to deteriorate according to the current experience of ‘getting older’ – does that define your current experience in any way? Marks are also qualifications, standards, requirements, symbols, representations, points of reference – setting up marks as goals can also be applied the same way, competing against ourselves. In essence, we could say they are imprints that we create and regard as a reminder of something, someone, identifying ourselves with a particular something/ someone for the sake of keeping track of ourselves.

There’s also a general desire to ‘leave a mark’ in this world – that’s almost the type of purposes we all had, whether it is going toward the usual success and pursuit of happiness associated with fame and glory, or the opposite polarity as becoming that point that leaves a mark as a reminder of everything that is wrong in society; that’s for example how serial killers have remained as transcendental beings for showing/ revealing the extremes of the accepted and allowed ‘human nature,’ they played out the reality that we have secluded and kept ‘secret’ within ourselves – they became the manifestation of what has existed in every single being’s mind as the idea of harm, abuse and violence toward ourselves/another. Such beings have tainted/ left a mark in human history that can be regarded as ‘negative’ – however we have all been the creators of such actions, regardless of the initial point of denial to take Self Responsibility for this that may come up while reading these words.

Some others seek to leave a ‘great mark’ in their lifetime, becoming someone ‘outstanding’ and influencing this reality in a  ‘positive’ way – these are people that are usually honored/ reminded in society as benevolent beings. From here all the delusional stages of light and bliss, god, angels, positivity, good vibes and the divine stem from, never ever questioning how it is that we have created of ourselves heroes and villains just to maintain a fuckedup status quo of ‘good vs. evil’ that apparently keeps everything in ‘balance’ which implies that the friction is not eradicated.

We can see that it is such desire for peace/ balance/ harmony that we are  not supporting ourselves to consider the root and cause of everything that goes on in our reality that is currently not supporting life, not supporting our expression, but only existing as beings that are always apparently subject to experiencing the highs and lows of ‘reality.’

As much as we would like to neglect the following, it must be said: it is within our little bubble (mind) wherein we walk a lifetime trying to ‘leave a mark’ in this world. We become so self-absorbed in our own realm of oddities and stories as the personal mythology that we neglect the world that is here, physically revealing to ourselves what happens when we stop watering a plant: it dies. This is a single example of how this reality had been specifically designed to keep us all well entertained with our own mind – and the relationships we have formed in it – as a form of never questioning or even having the least consideration to look at other beings’ life-experiences in this same world. Opening our eyes to see how it is that we spent our lives trying to create an effigy of ourselves in the name of whatever we believed in – and wanted to be ‘reminded’ for -  is only another mindfuck that reveals to what extent we as humanity have neglected reality while seeking to outdo our personal scores, to leave our mark.

Winning, competing, striving, fighting, outdoing, overcoming are actions that imply a necessary effort to accept a starting point of ‘adversities’ that we have accepted and allowed as ‘how life is.’ Isn’t this world now looking like a rat race in a labyrinth wherein each one is only trying to find the most ‘outrageous’ way to get through it? This comes to mind as I see the usual world that billions are immersed into: entertainment, TV, music industry, fashion, glory, big business, pursuing happiness, being Special.

To me leaving a ‘mark’ is wanting to be Special and exist in any possible way wherein we make ourselves ‘more’ than the rest, become ‘different’ by any possible means wherein we can make sure that we ‘leave a statement’ which is usually  linked to a single belief, a single character we decided to play in our life. Some dedicate their lives to be benevolent, others to play out the villain, others to simply seek happiness regardless of anything that may come on their way.

We have all played out these roles and, at the moment, all of this bs is what’s stepping on top of the lives that have no desire to be ‘special’ or even enough energy to think what type of ‘mark’ they would want to leave in this world, simply because they have no food, no water, they have no house to live in, they have no proper education and they are mostly used to living in constant fight or flight mode, merely surviving or even having to mitigate their daily struggle to live in the physical level using any form of drug – not for ‘recreational processes’ but to stop thinking about being hungry and having no means to feed themselves. The same goes for all the slave workers that dream of ever being able to leave such hideous jobs while having no possibility to do so, leading them to now leave a mark that is mostly a reflection of the consequences we can create in a world that doesn’t support all beings equally: they commit suicide.

I am watching a news report on Homs, the Syrian city that has been extensively terrorized the past weeks with as much as 4 detonations every 5 minutes, a conflict where thousands of people have already died including civilians of course, the usual ‘casualties’ wherein kids have their brains blown off by bombs, wherein people have lost their family and friends already – “Where is the UN?” is the question they ask themselves, where are the so-called ‘Human Rights’ organizations?– We all know that such ‘unity’ is non existent in this world as long as there are interests behind the gears that move this reality. It is obvious that such consistent war is financed for ‘higher purposes’ of control and conquering the territory to have access to the resources, that is also a statement of ‘creating a mark’ in means of showing ‘who’s the boss’ now.  CNN has placed this ‘warning’ sign at the beginning of each segment saying that ‘the graphic nature of the content may not be suitable for all viewers’ – how come this reality is censored when it comes to seeing/ witnessing in a voyeuristic manner the outflows of the human ego trying to take control an entire territory for the sake of money? How could we neglect these events while entertaining ourselves with our personal lifestyles seeking glory and power?

We have accepted such war scenes as ‘normal,’ as ‘part of the necessarily evil in this world’ as some dare to call it.  Yet on the other side of the coin, people mourn the ‘loss of a star’ in the entertainment industry while celebrating with pompous awards wherein people carry thousands of dollars on top of themselves to look ‘great,’ to leave and set a mark in the world, to win something. This is the type of madness we are living in – yet all I see is that who I am in this world as part of it all is linked to such entertainment industry, because I consume it one way or another  – I am not apparently linked to anything that goes on in the middle East, yet I use the same money and resources  that are the ‘hidden causes’ of such wars.

‎”If suffering were payment for karma, the elite would be in hell in every breath. The system of money as it now exist proves that karma is not functional in this world at all at the moment.” – Bernard Poolman

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again: we are living in a bi-polar world. I cannot still fathom how anyone that is willing to pay over a 1000 dollars for a pair of shoes can neglect this entire reality wherein people are starving and could eat for several months with such amount of money – how low can we go? The same can be applied to someone that could only seek to harm and abuse others to make evident the already accepted and allowed abuse, yet only wanting to perpetuate themselves as a character that did this in order to ‘make a statement,’ which is how the regular terrorist organizations work and function like. Either poles and all the stages in between, are not supporting ways wherein all beings could actually unite for the very first time within a single principle to establish equal possibilities to Live,  having a constant and consistent form of support that could place all in an equal ground to LIVE.

I mean, come on! All our system of ‘leaving a mark’ just to be reminded in a certain person’s mind, in a history book, in a certain piece of reality for the sake of exalting ourselves as the ego that we have only existed within/ as our minds, must cease to exist, because it is in this very pursuit of a goal that we end up forgetting about anyone and everything in this world. This is how we turn ‘the world’ into a me-myself-and-I situation within a limited scope of reality comprised in our mind.

What would be the ‘mark’ that I would like to create in this world? Leaving a mark that would ‘taint’ everyone with a self-honest realization of having to live by the principle of what’s best for all in order to stop the current accepted madness in this world. The mark would be living as the example of what is possible if we set a single goal for humanity: Walking a lifetime dedicating myself to create a world that’s best for all, a world wherein the future generations can come and finally stop the recrimination and projection of blame to the ‘ones that came before them,’ because of not having done anything to stop the cycles of abuse and disregard of life in this reality.

I’m looking at and being part of a very strange phenomena that is already leaving a ‘trace/ mark’ in this world and this is what we are doing as Destonians, as people that are  paving a non-existent road in this world which is walking the way to establish Self-Equality in all forms/ ways in this reality.

How to transform the world from this manic-driven self-inflicted ego possessions of importance, competition, rivalry, superiority and general madness wherein we have made ourselves to accept inequality, injustice and wars in the name of progress? We place and create ourselves as the solution: we stop within ourselves existing as that constant coming and going between poles of right and wrong, good and bad, as that friction and struggle that we create at a mind level and stand as the point that allows the world to see that: we don’t have to seek answers and solutions outside of ourselves, we must become the point that stops and corrects the current ‘human nature’ we are still playing out.

If we look at the marks in the bodies of people  from having to experience war and be part of the set of ‘casualties’ within a careless money-driven conflict, such marks can only remind us one single thing: we cannot perpetuate a world that is biased in nature, that is bipolar and has lost all sense of regarding any other being as oneself, losing a sense of reality while being indoctrinated with what media, society, educational systems have  told us that ‘we should be’ which is not based or even pointing at the necessary implementation of an Equal World  – at all.

Do people that have no money have an option to ‘leave a mark’ in this world’? As harsh as it may sound, they do – only as part of a number in a statistic of people that are living in poverty, that are starving, have no means to aspire for a better living condition or have died in a war.

Turn your TV on, glance through all the channels, see the variety of realities that are fictional and real that we are creating as a reflection of ourselves in this world. We don’t have to go that far to look ‘outside’ for that madness and general chaos – we just have to look within ourselves in our minds: that’s where the chaos begins. This is how we begin a process of Self Honesty to investigate how and why we are participating in the current reality in such selfless manners until we become the point that Stops.

The one and only mark as the final goal of each one of us is one and equal = establish Life in Equality for all, self-forgiving all our personal-scores to create and leave the ‘best mark of it all,’  the best mark that could ever and should only exist is: Equality as Life – right now, we only carry the mark of having accepted and allowed a world of abuse.

Time to open our eyes, time to start looking at what we accept and allow in our world, what do we occupy our mind with, how much do we actually ‘care’ about our own personal-marks as the constant competition to become someone ‘better,’ instead of simply vowing ourselves to live a lifetime of self-support for ourselves and for the rest of this existence that is now crying out for ‘help,’ which can only come if we all work together and stand up for Life.

We are all responsible, it is impossible to deny this any longer.

Choose Life.

Burst the bubble @ desteni.org

2012: 8 Ways to Practically End Suffering

Let’s say that my ‘path’ through Buddhism was rather short-lived. The closest I got to it was creating an ‘art piece’ that was called ‘Kit for the Traveling Buddhist’ which contained a little effigy of Buddha along with a small cardboard box that resembled a shrine, a little book that sums up the basics of Buddhism, some incense and porcelain incense holders. I actually bought that in Tower Records which to me made quite a cool depiction of how Religions have become nothing else but another set of products that one can buy along with any other entertainment and collector’s items. I wonder if someday they’ll make a mini-Jesus version with a little cross that you can bury in a little clay monticule.

Let’s look at the Buddhist teachings/principles from a Destonian perspective – hereby I take all the necessary steps to place anyone into a proper context in relation to what the ‘Noble Eightfold Path’ is, see how great it sounds:

The Way to the End of Suffering the Noble Eightfold Path, the way to deliverance from suffering taught by the Buddha. The higher reaches of the path may seem remote from us in our present position, the demands of practice may appear difficult to fulfill. But even if the heights of realization are now distant, all that we need to reach them lies just beneath our feet. The eight factors of the path are always accessible to us; they are mental components which can be established in the mind simply through determination and effort. We have to begin by straightening out our views and clarifying our intentions. Then we have to purify our conduct — our speech, action, and livelihood. Taking these measures as our foundation, we have to apply ourselves with energy and mindfulness to the cultivation of concentration and insight. The rest is a matter of gradual practice and gradual progress, without expecting quick results. For some progress may be rapid, for others it may be slow, but the rate at which progress occurs should not cause elation or discouragement. Liberation is the inevitable fruit of the path and is bound to blossom forth when there is steady and persistent practice. The only requirements for reaching the final goal are two: to start and to continue. If these requirements are met there is no doubt the goal will be attained. This is the Dhamma, the undeviating law.

There is no doubt that the MONEY factor is completely overviewed from the get go. Sure thing, directing ourselves one and equal as our mind is one of the first points to consider if we want to create a point of change in this world – however, if one really takes a closer look at this, you’ll see that there is almost this ‘invisible force’ that will apparently make it all ‘work’ just by walking in an almost a blind-mode toward this elusive goal. These ‘invisible forces’ are equal in nature to the current ‘market forces’ that are the holy ghost of economics, human’s most well-sustained projection of apparently there being something undeniable, uncontrollable, some type of force that has a life of its own, which is obviously bs. No greater intention will be able to create an actual change in the world unless there is a physical and sustainable platform that is able to actually allow the manifestation of ‘heaven on Earth’ if we dare to speak in such ideal-terms. All I see we require is to give each other equal opportunity to coexist as equals, having equal access to what is HERE by default, by mere fact of being a living breathing being that is part of this world.

Now, let’s place these 8 ‘noble ways’ into perspective.

 1. Right View

See things as they truly are without delusions or distortions
for all things change. Develop wisdom by knowing how things
work, knowing oneself and others.

At Desteni we share how walking in this physical reality requires to be Self Honest about our own experience, our every day living activities and daring to live without having to create emotions and feelings as a way to ‘feel alive,’ but rather live here as breath, walking the physical reality that is HERE.

We walk a process of first getting to know ourselves to then be able to stand in a position of correcting and directing ourselves as equals coming from that vantage point of understanding how we function at a mind level, how it is that who we are within our mind creates the reality that we live in. Through this process we’re able to get to know others as well, because we understand that we have in fact been preprogrammed Mind Consciousness Systems that have exactly the same mechanisms of defense, of ‘living’ as a rather looping-life system with cycles that  keep us trapped within a single life-design with no ability to ‘breakthrough’ – apparently.

Heaven is no more and we are now ensuring the old system ends with ourselves: we are walking the actual process of stopping our own constant delusions that exist every moment that we think, feel, believe, imagine or talk back to ourselves perpetuating our faith to our self-religions of ‘who we are’ as personalities, entities of knowledge and information that get activated through the use of memory and associations according to an entire lifetime of experiences. This is how Wisdom has been useless in fact, because it has only served to separate ourselves from the common sensical realization that who we are doesn’t require ‘knowledge’ to exist. Thus it only compounds as a nice thick layer of words that have no practical purpose in supporting who we are as life. Knowledge without application is useless – hence we instead cultivate Self Honesty to walk through the world, get to know how it works so that we are in fact able to realize our potential to change it, once that we stop existing as a bundle of limitations and fears. Within seeing what’s actually Here in fact without the unnecessary rationalization that goes on in our minds, we are able to simplify our living reality because there is no need to make ‘wisdom’ about it, but just doing-living what’s best for all.

The Right View is then linked to developing common sense to see where and how what’s best for all is able to be practically lived and applied in every moment that we are here,  seeing with our physical eyes what is here, without creating further judgment about it, but instead stopping us from creating the past from a single point of perception.

“Process is to find self honestly how things really work, to self forgive yourself for allowing it to work this way and then to expose the dishonesty and abuse about the system to help others see as well to strengthen the group that must be one and equal to bring change. The change will be common sense once one develop a self honest sense.”
Bernard Poolman

2. Right Intention

Wholehearted resolution and dedication to overcoming the
dislocation of self-centered craving through the development
of loving kindness, empathy and compassion.

What we have discovered is how many of us wanted to ‘change the world’ and ‘change ourselves’ from the starting point of bettering ourselves, being ‘more’ than what we perceived ourselves to be, sometimes even trying to gain some self-worth through ‘altruistic works.’ We wanted to create a sense of completion through ‘saving others’ and pretending to care without ever first asking ourselves Why and How we have accepted and allowed ourselves to perpetuate a system where there is ‘not enough’ for everyone? How come we were trying to save others and ‘care for another’ without first even daring to care for our own lives? We never realized we had to first make of ourselves the point of our existence.

All of these efforts were done in separation, disregarding the vital questions that are now the starting point of the solution we are presenting for this world: we cannot go around perpetuating charity and ‘good intentions’ and within this, inflating our egos with any form of experience stemming from gratitude that one would get by doing something that should be a living right, that should be readily given by virtue of being alive. Altruism is definitely another ego trip wherein one can get a fluffy feeling out of supporting someone that has been born in miserable conditions by default. This is  unacceptable.

I’ve had short lived experiences within this and being part of ‘missions’ wherein you go and live in the house of poor people and ‘live as they do’ for some 4 days to apparently get a reality check, while having the certainty that no matter what, you will have a bus coming to pick you up and go back to your house where all food, comfort and $ecurity is in place. These type of actions might give you a little taste of what being poor is like, however it will never be like actually living the fact that you have no possibility of stepping out of that system because there are no choices for you. However it did give me a great lesson: I cannot cross my arms and do nothing about it. That’s how I sought for ‘answers’ in all places, including spirituality – to no avail of course. It is until now that I am able to stand for a feasible solution that will enable an actual platform of support for all beings in this world.

Hence the decision to live a process of Self Realization as Life is able to be lived/walked within the starting point of Ourselves. First getting to actually accept ourselves, learning how to practically stop the constant/ consistent self-repetition of patterns and cycles that are not supportive for anyone in this world.  The Intention is at all times supporting ourselves to understand what living as equals means, which for the most part is not trying to become something ‘wonderful’ or ‘marvelous’ according to any sort of belief that could point out that we are actually that. The intention must be based on what is best for all at all times. As the saying goes: The road to hell is paved with good intentions – which is how any ‘intention’ is merely the starting point that must be fully and thoroughly walked to its completion – otherwise, the middle road is simply something unacceptable.

We’ve learned how to first look at ourselves and within stopping our inner turmoil, fears, beliefs, judgments, we are then able to start looking outside ourselves to see the magnitude and extent of work that must be done in order to create a world that’s acceptable to live in for all living beings.  We understand that love is not real and that any form of kindness is often linked to a point of self interest wherein we only care enough because there is some benefit for us.

We focus on ourselves and learn to accept and give to ourselves that which we have perceived we lack; we learn that we can only exist as limitations of being ‘too flawed to change’ and ‘way fucked up to correct ourselves’ if we remain in that intention of change without taking it full-on and living it/ applying it as the necessary process of Self-Correction to live as who we really are. This is a living decision that is not only built out of nice words and great intentions, but lived fully and completely wherein actual change is lived as self, which will then inevitably so within standing together as a group,  and become the platform to create a world system that supports All Equally.

One can only desire to help because of tacitly accepting and allowing a disadvantage point as the foundation of our current reality: this is unacceptable.

3. Right Speech

Abstinence from lies and deceptions, backbiting, idle
babble and abusive speech. Cultivate honesty and
truthfulness; practice speech that is kind and benevolent.
Let your words reflect your desire to help, not harm others.

Being the living word – being Self Honest – daring to see the truth that lies behind the usual characters that we usually use to play the game with within society, where we manipulate each other and trick ourselves to be the eventual ‘winner’ of it all, uttering words of apparent benevolence, hiding the actual ‘gist’ of it all which is mostly self interest and a sheer lack of common sense.

What are lies but only a way to hide ourselves from our responsibility of who we are and what we have created? Therefore, lies would not even have to be ‘avoided,’ but simply seen for what they are: ways in which we manipulate each other to believe something of ourselves that we are not, ways to win, ways to be ‘more than’ apparently. It’s fairly simply, lying leads to making up statements/judgments that are simply not supportive for anyone.

Backchatting/ backbiting, idle babble and talking to ourselves are forms of mental possession wherein we can only become aware of one thing: we’re not HERE considering the physical reality that doesn’t require our marvelous human input to judge/ point out and essentially denigrate a reality that we have become so used to continually judge and within doing so, creating self-judgment that eventually becomes ‘who we are’ at all levels. We have already spoiled this reality to a great extent due to our ‘rationalization’ of reality wherein logic is taught in schools, losing sight of what common sense within the consideration of all beings equally actually entails.

Hatred, harm, violence, abuse, denigration can only exist if one has not first debunked such words for what they are/stand for in their very ‘nature.’ There’s no doubt that we as humanity can get to know ourselves through the words that exist here as proof of the extent of separation we have created from who we really are. Such self-loathing and self-deprecation can only be created in a mind that then turns into a living-reality for many that have to currently suffer the outcome of such violence within wars, forced labor, family violence, social rejection and any other form of abuse we can name with words/ concepts.

Thus, what would speaking about such fallacies and intangible concepts like ‘love’ and ‘light’ as a non-physical energetic luminosity would indicate about us human beings? Nothing else but a deluded suit of benevolence as a ‘nice personality’ that is only seeking and sticking to positivity because of believing that, by doing this, the ‘other side’ as negativity and all the ‘bad stuff’ in this world will eat itself, which is a rather naïve way of wanting to look at this world obviously. Just another self-manipulative form to talk ourselves into a heavenly mental-reality that is nowhere to be found or seen in this physical-reality where the exact opposite is all I can confirm: there is no god, we are the ones that have created this all, we must cut the positive perorate to actually take Self Responsibility for this world.

We don’t require to speak of love and light or positivity, we rather act and live words that are not meant to portray ourselves as pseudo-gods, but words that can create and depict what we are here to be and become as life, words that represent who we really are, words that we can use to heal us, words that are really meaning ‘something’ because we live them – not words that have been extensively used and abused in means of selling an idea of what love and compassion is. We don’t know what those words are, simply because all words are currently tainted by our current monetary system which has been now the foundation of this that we call a ‘life.’

Because of this, we must learn how to Live the Words we Speak – by saying this, we can see that many words that we currently use to define ourselves/ the world will not exist, because they were never meant to support Life, support Self Expression . Within walking a process of being the living word, we realize that our vocabulary must be self-corrected and ‘purified’ to see if such words are able to stand as who we really are, or were simply supporting a system of separation and self deprecation.

 

4.Right Action

Practice self-less conduct that reflects the highest
statement of the life you want to live. Express conduct
that is peaceful, honest and pure showing compassion
for all beings.

We could carry ourselves with as much grace on the outside yet feeling like shit in the inside and still would be regarded as being ‘peaceful and honest,’ being ‘unbreakable,’ being tolerant while raging inside ourselves, continuing to suppress our ‘true nature’ which comes in the form of thoughts that can only be hidden for so long until there is no other valve of scape left, which is how any form of limitation to only act in ‘the right way’ leads to a point of self limitation. This is what morality does and the same applies to any form of the current points we’re revisiting here. See how the word ‘right’ is used as a direction toward only looking at a single side of the coin, which is tacitly implying that we must not look/ direct ourselves at the other side – what would be the ‘wrong’ actions then?

We don’t require to name them all – we just have to ask ourselves what is causing harm and abuse in this world and we’ll get an idea of that which is not best for all/ the wrong actions – we can get our answer within looking at the byproducts of capitalism. How could we then try to ‘cover the sun with one finger’ and stick to ‘right actions’ while the very foundation of this world is misery, abuse, jealousy, hatred, disregard of any other being as ourselves? Unless we learn how to correct ourselves and stand up from that ‘shady side’ of our reality, we’ll continue living in fear while sticking ourselves to the ‘right side.’ Self Honesty is not nice or beautiful, which implies that we will have to face those dark corridors within our own mind and walk through them with Self Forgiveness to actually realize that all the ‘evil’ in this world has been created by ourselves, within ourselves.

5. Right Livelihood

Avoidance of work that causes suffering to others or that
makes a decent, virtuous life impossible. Do not engage
in any occupation that opposes or distracts one from the
path. Love and serve our world through your work.

It is definitely not about showing a graceful smile and pretending to be ‘at ease’ while doing the ‘right thing’ – it is about actually living in Self Honesty which will mostly bring out the true demons that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to become. How could we dare to think that being devoid of any apparent desire will automatically lead us to some greater experience in life – that is absolutely ludicrous. None of these ‘selfless conducts’ will work because even if you see yourself ‘devoid’ of such mind and thoughts and had self-positive-talk to have your ‘peace of mind,’ you will still have to buy food to eat and coexist with the rest of the world that is still based/ founded upon abuse. What about there being a moment where you are not able to get any money to buy food or have a place to live, I bet that such ‘pure expression’ becomes pure anger and frustration for not having created a solution that involved Equal Support for all living beings – do we have to go that far?

We are all already engaged within a world wherein we are inherently supporting a system of abuse – how come we never saw the obvious? How come we never questioned how Money had become the decisive factor between life and death for billions of beings in this planet? How come we have created such an artificial system and dare to accept it ‘as it is’? Such ignorance is over – the way to live in common sense Here is giving equal access to resources and services that enable life in our current societies. Literally giving to each other what we want for ourselves – there can be nothing ‘greater’ than that.

The Right livelihood must be what is best for all, and that implies having to take the necessary steps to intervene within the current political scenario and establish a solution that will require no other ‘benevolence’ than taking one single action: providing support for all beings to have a dignified life here. Sustaining such system as what’s best for all will be our day to day living – actions that count and accumulate what is best for all.

 

6. Right Effort

Seek to make the balance between the exertion of following
the spiritual path and a moderate life that is not over-zealous.
Work to develop more wholesome mind states, while gently
striving to go deeper and live more fully.

There would be no need to ‘seek balance’ between two poles that should not even exist as such in the first place. We can only seek balance by continuing fighting ourselves as ‘energy,’ as thoughts/ emotions/ feelings that create this entire extra-reality as an extra-dimension in separation of who we really are as physical living beings, that could simply become used to do what’s best for all, as natural as breathing. There is no need to create an ‘extra effort’ if we move at the physical pace of living/ breathing – directing ourselves every  moment to simply sustain a proper living-reality for all, which obviously includes ourselves.

There is no need to ‘moderate life’ if Life is walked as a Principle wherein all is considered – all excess, all deprivation are but mind-created dysfunctions that are not in accordance to what the physical requires, to the physical reality that is constant and consistent. This will certainly imply getting to know ‘what it is to live in moderation’ as a best-for-all type of living at a physical level. Money won’t exist as a limitation, therefore ‘living fully’ can only come once an Equal Money System is established so that we can focus on discovering what Life/ Living really is like in consideration of all within the same reality-equation.

There is no need to ‘workout’ the mind, it is about stopping the mind from creating an alternate invisible reality with programmed patterns that have no correlation to what is HERE. No need to seek such ‘spiritual path’ because the steps are already here and they are all dramatically mundane which might crush the heart of many that still thought there could be something magnificently ‘godly’ about it all in the sense of light, angels, masters and some golden type of divinity.

7. Right Mindfulness

Through constant vigilance in thought, speech and action
seek to rid the mind of self-centered thoughts that separate
and replace them with those that bind all beings together.
Be aware of your thoughts, emotions, body and world as they
exist in the present moment. Your thoughts create your reality.

Thoughts do exist in the ‘present moment’ tied to a past and a future within/ as consciousness = a limited system that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to call ‘life.’ If our thoughts would create our reality, then by me creating ‘positive thoughts’ it would imply that I could have already stopped world hunger and human trafficking in this world, which hasn’t happened at all.

It is not to become a constant policeman in the head, a constant vigilant of ourselves, but being aware of such thoughts  to take responsibility for them and walk an actual process of self-correction. Desteni is then the right place to learn how to walk the talk and actually become the living words that will be supportive for all beings here.

8. Right Concentration

Through the application of meditation and mental discipline seek to extinguish the last flame of grasping consciousness and develop an emptiness that has room to embrace and love all things.

 

  The mind as the con-center is certainly not the way to go. There is no meditation required other than seeing the world as it is and taking the necessary actions to enable LIFE to be equalized in this world. There is no need to create a ‘void’ to embrace – it is about mingling as one and equal with/ as everything and everyone that is equally here. That sounds great – it is certainly easier said than done, but we cannot remain in the bubble of speaking nice words and talking about paths without having a direct confirmation of us being living the change that we want to see in this world.

When our attention and focus is here in the physical world, we will already be one point that stops the usual conflict that creates wars and segregation within our reality. This gives us then the ability to focus on doing what is necessary to create a world that’s best for all – it won’t be meditating, it won’t be preaching, it won’t be repeating mantras or praying to a non-existent god, but walking the correction and actions ourselves because that is in essence where we have missed ourselves.

Walk with us at Desteni and become part of the new Culture of Life that doesn’t require a doctrine to follow other than a single principle: what’s Best for All – this will certainly end all suffering in this world.

 A Must Hear to understand what Practivism is:

2012: World Transformation – The How-To

And Buddha opening his eyes after a prolonged meditation, realized that he was still living in a world where abuse, suffering, poverty, starvation were existing. Where had he been while seeking Nirvana? Did that make any difference to this world?

Be-Lame

“It’s all your fault!”  How many times have we been ‘impressed’ by these words and taken them personally, creating an experience that runs through our body as a mix of fear, guilt, shame, embarrassment eventually resulting in us feeling like ‘shit,’ because it is apparently ‘our fault’ and now we are the scum of the Earth because: we fucked up.

Hearing these words directed toward myself was something quite common when I was a child – I would be automatically pointed at for anything that would go wrong in my house. Sometimes I had actually been the one that caused something to break or be ‘in disorder’ because of my own negligence/ laziness, some other times it was just ‘out of habit’ that anything wrong would be then ‘my fault’ and questions would not be asked, but only fingers  would point at me; I would then try and defend myself, usually sobbing and already in that ‘victimized’ state saying ‘it wasn’t me,’ but it’s as if any form of credibility had been lost from a series of events where I had been the actual ‘cause’ which is how then one builds a certain ‘reputation’ that can work for either one’s curse throughout life or benefit. I’ve experienced it both ways – for now I’ll debunk the first one.

 

I can see myself as this pattern of being blamed for shit hitting the fan and getting this constant ‘nagging’ about things that I had to do and I wouldn’t do, being quite a ‘disorderly’ person, very lazy and with a great inertia as a resistance to not move if I didn’t have to. I was the type of person that would get from school, eat, go upstairs and plug myself to watch ( M)TV the whole time, this includes the time while I would do my homework – I would only be rather ‘responsible’ and turn it off for proper concentration when studying for exams. I never had any problems with this because I did ‘well’ in school, so my parents probably thought I was some type of lucky person for being able to be responsible and get excellent grades even when spending long hours watching TV.  I became very sedentary, only caring to be in front of the TV and getting more and more sucked into being entertained or rather ‘stimulated’ the whole time. This is just a ‘background’ perspective on how I could be quite careless within my reality which is what lead me to neglect doing tasks and having my world in order; this is how I would get constantly ‘nagged’ for not being an orderly person, not taking care of my stuff and within that,  ‘being blamed for’ things because I was the only one that was such a ‘disaster’ at home.

It is now that I realize how what others say about us might influence us in deeper ways than we are able to notice in that moment. I can see as I write about ‘being blamed’ for shit happening around in my reality, that I ended up believing myself to actually be the cause for shit happening in my world. And I am only now seeing these old memories of how much I took it all personal and how I would write/ speak to myself that ‘I wasn’t loved’ in my family and that ‘I bet they would all be happier if I wasn’t part of the family’ – these thoughts would come up within an entire attire of self-victimization experiencing sadness and belittling myself/ feeling sorry about myself.  I would usually leave the dinner table whenever I was told something along the lines of ‘you caused this shit.’ Parents and sisters would sometimes direct heavy words towards me – or each other for that matter – and I can speak for myself how I would take them deeply seriously and never considered at all that they were only speaking about themselves and only using anyone as an ‘outlet’ for their own personal problems, anger and frustration.

By ‘heavy words’ I mean offenses, cursing that would come out with great ease such as from my father’s mouth. I would only resort to cry because that’s all I knew at that time, feeling bad about what he had said about me in that moment of anger for whatever cause it was, and eventually having my mother coming up to me and explaining that he was just in a bad mood and that he really ‘didn’t mean it.’ And it was indeed just him exerting his own emotions on to anyone else, which is one of the patterns I’ve shared here before in terms of blaming others about stuff that is only a way to not face our own responsibility, which I have also played out to a great extent throughout my life.  Thus, I have realized how this was never actually ‘about me’ but about each person directing their anger on to each other. It’s very clear here how a lot of shit can fly around within the context of a ‘family’ because it is a group of beings facing each one’s programming in different shades – hence the ‘confrontation’ with oneself is more clear and direct, spiced up by the notorious different personalities that ‘mask’ the differentiation that exist at the core level of DNA.

 

When taking such words and scolding as ‘real’ and within me defining myself as being very sensitive to people’s words, I would always take it personally and within this, drown myself into a deep grudge toward the person until I realized how it all worked by me holding that memory of ‘being offended’ and link it to the person, which became quite obvious when after several days I would have to ‘recall’ that I was ‘mad at this person for having said this/ that about me.’  I would mostly then ‘forgive’ in a way that I would be able to talk to that family member/ person again.  Similar situations to the one I explained about my father also happened with my mother and sisters – within this, all I created of and for myself was a nice suit of victimization wherein my mother would sometimes point out how I was making a ‘big deal out of it,’ but I would mostly only argue for my limitations because in a way, I wanted them to ‘feel bad’ for having ‘made me feel bad’ and in that, we can see how this coming and going create endless drama, retaliation, desire for ‘vengeance’ that would turn into grudge-scabs that we would tear off from time to time to bring the memory up again and use it as a way to manipulate and have an effect on another.

This is absolutely unnecessary as we now can see – yet this becomes even at a human-culture level ‘how things work’ in the family. It has become such a cliché that we cannot conceive a family that could live in equal ways wherein there was ‘no shit flying around.’ As human beings we have accepted these ‘fucked up’ relationships in our very own house and from this, manifest this entire world as it is: a world/system of retaliation, seeking vengeance, holding grudges, calling names, wanting others to ‘feel’ what they have ‘done onto us,’ seeking ‘to be the favorite one,’ comparing ourselves to each other, finding our ‘place’ in some form/role in the family wherein we can only support our own ‘life experience’ as something real, as ‘who we are’ which is obviously not based in common sense and an actual integration as part of an entire society, but remain living within/as that survival mechanism.

We become ‘who we are’ in this nest that we call ‘home’ and from there, we accept this role and carry it as ourselves throughout or lives. We accept and allow ourselves to remain in that same shape and mold that we create mostly through our early years in this world. And it is within that very first relationship with our parents and how our parents ‘treat us’ that we will then walk through the world believing it is ‘who we are,’ simply because we had not been able to realize and understand that it was never about ‘us’ in fact,  but it was always about them creating this relationship toward ‘ourselves’ as their children which was only them playing out their own relationship toward themselves in their own mind. Fascinating stuff however, we didn’t know  about this until now.

I became aware of how it was even ‘cool’ to have and almost cherish this something I could ‘brag about’ toward my parents, it was a way of having the power to blackmail them for ever having ‘hurt me’ in such a way, which is obviously unacceptable. Yet, this type of patterns are played out by many, many human beings in their personal relationships; this is very common in marriages for example, where it becomes a dog eat dog type of relationship wherein people bring up memories and each others shit and throw it at each other without ever being able to see the harm that they are inflicting not only to themselves as a couple, but kids if they have any in such ‘family’ scenario. It is truly unacceptable, and this brings up the title of one six feet under episode: ‘Terror starts at home’ which is true as this is the first ‘entry’ we have of the world in our mind – we will accordingly walk into this world within/as the shape that we acquire within the family nucleus and often remain like that for an entire lifetime, without realizing that who really am  as life, as one and equal has nothing to do with the role I got to play as a child at home, who I am is not the character that would get easily offended or ‘hurt’ by  words that any family member  used to deprecate myself in anyway,  as now I see and realize it was never about ‘me’ but themselves all the time.

This is how it is ludicrous to continue accepting and holding this image of ourselves as ‘who we are’ because it was simply an entire personality created and shaped according to the conditions that we were born into, which as we know, are not based on ‘what’s best for all’ but only according to the rules of a fucked up system that we have accepted and allowed without any question before. Carrying ourselves as self-limited boxes of memories as ‘who we are’ and bringing up all of these reasons as to ‘why we are the way we are’ is only another excuse to not dare to step out of the victimization role and take self responsibility. It was almost ‘painful’ having to see that I had lived as a victim asking ‘why’ all the time instead of asking ‘how’ I had accepted and allowed the entire situation in life, how it is not only about ‘me’ but about walking an entire program wherein no self-awareness was existent – I mean, Self Forgiveness here is really forgiving ourselves for merely playing out roles that were solely programmed to cause conflict and separation within our lives, never being able to self-forgive because some other form of ‘intermediary’ was then created/ sought which is how God probably came into the play = another form to avoid confronting the reality that we had created between ourselves.

No matter what ‘intensity’ of it, any form of name-calling, point-finger done in absolute self-indulgence creates consequences that reverberate throughout a being’s life without it being even ‘noticeable’ by the person as it becomes just part of the self-definition that we take on because: that is all we know. This is how it is vital that as parents, human beings are able to understand how each and every single word uttered toward their kids will have a direct influence within their lives because of their receptive condition to accept what they are taught as ‘how things are.’  It is thus unacceptable to continue disregarding the fact that anyone that wants to be/ become a parent must first walk a process of self-responsibility in Self Honesty to ensure that none of our personal bs as a preprogrammed limited consciousness systems is passed on toward a child that walks into this world in such an innocent manner, wherein anything that ‘father’ or ‘mother’ says becomes ‘the law’ and ‘how things are’ without ever questioning – or even having the ability to question – why it is that we are accepting and allowing ourselves to diminish ourselves by words/ thoughts that others may utter toward ourselves?

In my experience I saw how I took on such words as ‘who I am’ and no matter how I would see myself not being ‘stupid’ or a ‘dumbass,’ I would use such memories of others  saying that to me so that I could go back to ‘feeling bad’ about myself and within this, justify my separation and general segregation from the rest of my family. That’s how I justified myself ‘not belonging to that family’ and creating this general ‘silent’ grudge toward them all because of me believing all the words they would say. As a child I sometimes got to speak about this with my mother, and she would say exactly the same, how such words were only coming from their own anger and self experience, that they weren’t about ‘me’ per se, but still I decided that the whole thing was very real and I would rather choose to be sensitive about it because I thought that my mother was only trying to ‘make it all look better’ than what it was – meaning, trying to excuse my sisters/ father or herself for the words that were said. In that moment I decided to ‘not buy it,’ instead I lived out this separation that I  justified with creating an entire personality suit that I’ve deemed as the ‘black sheep in the family,’ just walking a road that I designed in opposite direction to the one I saw my sisters were taking on, just because of not wanting to be ‘predictable’ and following their entire set of preferences and lifestyle.

This was a deliberate point of self-manipulation as well so that I would not have to actually face myself within the family system, but instead build myself a comfortable niche to be the ‘odd one’ and thus have a ‘place’ within that ‘oddity’ so to speak. Once I got to understand this, I then went into a polarity of being ‘unbreakable’ so to speak but not through an actual understanding of such beings speaking only about their own limitations, but in a form of defense mechanism wherein reactions would still come up without working with them, it was only a façade and in that, I wasn’t actually working with stopping my reactions. I didn’t know of Self Forgiveness so I simply did my best to ‘cope with the world’ without ever really looking at my reactions and how I was only shoving them away while pretending ‘nothing could hurt me now’ which is something I’ve shared before in the hard and soft veneers blog. I see that’s how I saw ‘being/ becoming an artist’ quite a cool and acceptable role within society, being ‘eccentric’ yet part of the ‘whole’ in a distinctive manner.

Now that I see, my ‘choices’ in life were then stemming from this entire personality development: from the victim, to the rebel to self-righteousness that I exerted as my career choice, the type of friends/ relationships I had, the type of life I dreamed of having, the type of music I would listen, the clothes I wear, the interests, morality, values – all of it was then specifically designed/ chosen by myself having this starting point of almost creating an unconscious retaliation toward my family/ the family system I was born into.

I had ‘seen’ this before through this process and writing this out, how I had only played out that odd-polarity that was sticking out within the family pattern – however, I had not seen how it had all begun from these early experiences of ‘being hurt’ by others’ words such as ‘being blamed for everything that went wrong’ and within this, belittling myself, wanting to just ‘leave home’ in my mind because I thought that I was not ‘loved’ there and that I was only like this undesired child that had come to interrupt their happy-family life. I mean, I am writing the thoughts as I am recalling them, I think I even wrote this out when I was quite young when I would use writings as a catalyzer to cry and feeling sorry about myself, as a con.firmation of ‘the world being a fuckup/ mean place to live in’ and within this, believing that the only way to coexist in it was through not participating in the same ‘game’ that I would see the entire family and then ‘society’ was playing out, never realizing how the personality that I developed as myself was in fact absolutely defined and created in-opposition to my family. It’s just like an atheist that is still defining himself/herself according to the Non-existence of a god – and within this obviously still confirming the existence of a god as a concept – and curiously enough – belief in itself.

So,  now we are aware of how within this system, every word that anyone may speak toward another is actually about themselves. Now, it’s not to be self-dishonest and then talk about light and love and flowers to others because of wanting  you to see yourself/ portray yourself in such a nice way, which is how a lot of people is currently ‘functioning’ at a mind level. Talking yourself into positivity is certainly Not the way to walk Self Honesty. It is about becoming aware of every judgment that we may create toward something/ someone, and instead of believing that to be ‘actually so,’ we take it back to self and see where and how we are existing as such judgment toward ourselves. This has been one of the key points I’ve learned through Desteni, wherein we take Self Responsibility for everything we do and say because we understand that we cannot ‘affect’ another but ourselves in any way, so this is how walking oneness and equality practically becomes a point that we then ‘keep in mind’ to always take a moment to ‘watch our words’ for the sake of being aware that what we think/ communicate actually support what is best for all, and not only come out as preprogrammed babble that reinforces some type of mental limitation and judgment that has no-place to be here in Self Honesty.

I am able to write about it and see it for what it is, there are no strings attached toward my parents or sisters on this topic as I now understand how this process o projecting blame and one’s frustration and anger onto others was a common thing without the ‘scolded’ one ever knowing that it was never about ‘me’/ ‘them’ but the person themselves. This is how we see things ‘for what they are’ and break the links/ chains that we tend to create the moment we link experiences and hold those experiences as ‘who we are’ without ever questioning them.

Within taking Self Responsibility for each word we think, speak and how we interact toward each others, we are able to stop all the unnecessary conflict that is created when we become just blabbering fools arguing for our own limitations and experiences without realizing that anything we say or do is revealing nothing else but who we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become.

Time to stop blaming others or being-lame ourselves for buying into words that do not support who we really are. By breaking that retaliation toward ourselves as our mind and toward others in our world, we will stop the current war we are all living in this world.

Impatience

Impatience – in pain shuns

Being called ‘Ms. anxiety’ was not a matter of casualty – this is the way that my mother would call me whenever I would get desperate and anxious to get things done in the moment I wanted, whenever I wanted and as I wanted it, which is a pattern I had/have lived throughout my life. I now see it as her having to deal with a female version of my father in the role of ‘her daughter’ whenever I  I would play out this pattern from a very early age in my life.

I would see the culmination of this when throwing tantrums every time that things didn’t go ‘my way.’ I would create and compound these energies that I would only ‘discharge’ in deliberate ways when I would exert them out in the form of what I could call extreme anger possessions. These were moments wherein in the middle of a tantrum I would go into a room or the bathroom in extreme anger and, in my mind being very, very pissed off about something which was usually linked to my pet peeves at that age. In between the crying while backchatting myself to sustain the ‘anger’ within me, I would take my body to a state of absolute shock until I would experience the type of chills that take over your entire body. In such moments after experiencing that ‘peak’ of anger wherein I could feel and experience all my nerves ‘piking up,’  I would then slow down, and then mostly remaining crying in guilt and even a form of pity toward myself, because of realizing that I was physically harming my body whenever I took myself to that point, I would even fear for my heart suddenly paralyzing in such moments. I guess this was my first ability to understand self-abuse at a physical level from which I would tell myself not to do it again, I can even remember giving little kisses to my arms because I could experience a great pain afterwards throughout my entire body which was obviously not cool to walk through. It was almost the same experience I would get when having to vomit when being sick.

So, back to here and how this came up.

I just experienced a pain on the top of my back and I saw that it emerged after walking through a point of having to answer someone’s posts while keeping it as simple and as common sensical as possible without allowing me to get frustrated and irritated by ‘the other person simply ‘not getting it’ without realizing that self-support must be here, unconditional and without any form of experience being created within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to shun away the point of applying self forgiveness for experiencing ‘impatience’ just because of thinking ‘I can handle it’ which is actually a point of ego wherein I am mostly not facing the point as myself and being aware of what I am participating at a thought level, and just ‘shunning it away’ to not realize that I am still reacting in frustration and irritation when having to explain something to someone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into an entire physical tenseness where my jaw is mostly tense and in pain as I read through the words that I have to reply to and judging the person as ‘inept’ for not being able to ‘get it,’ within this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an emotional experience of anger, irritation and frustration which I perceive as ‘impatience’ only once that I have accepted and allowed the backchat to keep going eventually manifesting as an entire physical experience of pain and discomfort which is here reminding me that I cannot just pretend that ‘I can handle it’ and not face the experience that I am creating within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create impatience out of wanting others to see as I see and understand at the same rate I understand and within this, not taking into consideration the the other person’s context and background which is what I must take into consideration before continuing creating any judgment upon another, which is simply unacceptable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exert anger onto others through written words when becoming frustrated and irritated and get even more irritated if I see no ‘reaction’ within them either, which is quite a fuckup because I have become used to fighting others within anger and this irritation toward others that then becomes an irritation exerted toward the entire world without seeing/ realizing that such irritation and frustration is only toward myself, accumulated from my own procrastination to direct myself effectively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my own irritation and accumulated frustration toward others whenever I perceive others to be ‘too slow’ to get it or having to explain the same point several times.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that ‘everything is fine’ because the person perceives that I am being ‘patient’ through answering all the questions and feeling ‘good’ because the person is ‘getting it’ apparently, while in fact I am not being patient within myself, only writing in away that is able to be understood – however I take responsibility for my inner experience and STOP existing in this inner experience even if it is not noticeable through my words, so this is about allowing myself to be Self Honest about it, give myself this time to write about it and then continue walking which is cool and self supportive.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to breathe every moment that I see this energetic experience of tension and impatience coming up which manifests as this entire tension in my jaw which leads me to have thoughts about just wanting to punch something/ someone lol even if I cannot see myself doing that in real life, but the experience is just like that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accumulate energy as anger and frustration toward myself and exerting it out on to others as and through backchat which is only causing me to experience the effect of such accumulated energy as pain, instead of realizing that I can breath through it and disperse/ diffuse the point as I see it and experience it in the moment, breathing, here, not allowing myself to go into thoughts judging myself and others in that moment and not taking self responsibility for what I am experiencing, which eventually has nothing to do with ‘others’ but myself only.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be unconditionally here, absolutely here as myself replying and commenting toward others but creating a particular stance toward particular beings according to how I read them, how I see them and how I have formed a judgment around them. This is unacceptable and I see and realize that I am able to simply direct any point in common sense, unconditionally, regardless of ‘who’ the person is and within this, allowing myself to direct myself to not participate in any reaction, but only work with the words that are here to write and direct in means of self support for both parties one and equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as impatience in the past as a form of superiority when thinking that others are ‘too slow’ for myself which has lead me to drop out in many cases, just because of ‘having to wait for others’ and within this sabotaging my ability to stand one and equal as others as well as not completing that which I could have completed if I had been patient enough.

This made me remember that German course, well I took German twice in my life, basic courses and I dropped out of both mostly because of perceiving that everyone was too slow and the course was too repetitive whereas I wanted to ‘speed up’ and advance as fast as possible – within this I would blame the rest of the class for being inconsistent and not supportive to go faster through the courses. I lead myself to step in my superiority position and dropping out, deeming it to be ‘too slow’ for me, which lead me to simply ditch German courses altogether to my own detriment, because I simply didn’t continue out of this fucked up ‘pride’ of being ‘too fast’ for those courses – the joke was obviously only on me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge people according to being ‘too slow’ for myself and within this only sabotaging myself as the opportunity to support me to slow down within my ambitions of ‘getting it done’ and ‘having things done’ as fast as possible, which is just a preprogrammed ‘treat’ of myself as a perfectionist, wanting to have everything just ‘done’ and ‘ready’ and ‘perfect’ in one go, while in reality this doesn’t work that way.

We actually have to Walk through the process of realizing that we are not alone in this world, we cannot possibly ‘run’ and ‘speed’ in our own bubble – I mean if we look at the example of those people that speed their cars, they are only caring for their own either timeframe or simple enjoyment of driving fast – which I see I enjoy lol – without actually caring about potential outcomes as accidents that may occur from such ‘speeding.’ I have judged these people as ‘inconsiderate’ without realizing that I have done the same as well, not ‘speeding a car’ because I don’t even drive yet, but speeding in my mind and wanting things and people to be ‘on the same page’ all the time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge people as ‘inconsiderate’ when not slowing down and taking others into consideration when speeding up while driving, without realizing that I have been in essence playing out the same pattern but in relation to interacting with people and the general way of ‘carrying myself’ which is that of a constant ‘hurry.’

So, I’m aware of this constant hurry and almost ‘anxiety’ of how I have lived my life. This has substantially diminished, I mean, I would get this anxiety mixed with nervousness even by having to get out of my house and go downtown and having to walk through streets to get somewhere, which can be equated to ‘having to complete any task’ in my reality. There were hundreds of fears and thoughts going through my mind all the time as I would ride there, as I would step down of the bus and walk around – a lot of self judgment and fear which would lead me to hurry around the whole time until I would get to a ‘safe spot’ such as the coffee shop lol.

So, I can speak from how through walking these ‘usual habits’ through self forgiveness I have been able to stop such experiences by simply breathing through any single thought that could emerge indicating any form of nervousness, anxiety or any other fear within such simple activity like ‘going out of my house’ which I have defined as ‘safe spot.’

Through supporting ourselves to stop these experiences, we’re able to then see how such experiences are not only related to or limited to being physically moving or facing others, but are able to come up within our internet interactions. I can see this is one of the ‘shades’ of this constant hurry I would exist as, a constant exigency to have things done ‘my way’ and ‘as fast as possible’ while I would then deem the rest of the world was just ‘too slow’ for me, only sabotaging myself and miss the opportunity to slow down because of thinking that ‘everyone was wrong and too slow for me,’ instead of realizing: I am the one that must slow down, I am the one that must stand here as every breath wherein it is futile trying to ‘breath faster’ or anything like that. I mean, imagine if our physical bodies would suddenly decide to either be ‘too slow’ some days or ‘too fast’ other times – sure, metabolisms work differently because of various factors according to different people – however, it is constant as that organism’s nature. This is how we have to equalize ourselves to, that physical pace.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ‘exigent’ toward others without realizing that I am not living that point of optimum living myself, by the single fact of such exigency coming from a personality/ ego pattern that is not in relation to the physical pace of our own breathing, of our own living process that is here moment by moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a ‘demanding’ stance toward others without realizing that I haven’t applied this toward myself and my own application unconditionally – hence it is ludicrous to ask or be expecting anything from anyone about something that I haven’t even lived by and applied for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to equate ‘speed’ and doing things as ‘fast as possible’ with being efficient.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my father for having this constant ‘rush’ as a continual form of existing without realizing that I was living out and playing out the exact same patterns in my world.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to develop this mutual acceptance with my father as a form of ‘empathy’ within our own mindfucks, which is how I would then enjoy going out with him because of how fast he moves and how ‘efficient’ he is in everything he does.

I would enjoy walking with him because I would have to push myself to walk as fast as he would and in that, I simply pushed myself to become equal to that which I admired of him. As I have explained, is not that this is ‘good or bad’ but it is simply to place now this point and walk it in common sense where it is now very clear how within me existing in this constant rush and desire for ‘speed’ and ‘effectiveness’ I am limiting myself within a single frame of mind that prevents me from walking this point in equality within the consideration of What’s Best for All, which is then realizing I must live this point in common sense = considering each persons’ context before reacting or judging another for whatever I have compared myself to them.

I see how in essence this is how it works: we are constantly comparing ourselves with others when having any form of reaction or experience.

Thus, this point I take as a way to place into perspective how hurrying is literally a mindfuck, rushing everything in my mind then links to some form of ‘worry’ and unnecessary anxiety that becomes ‘frustration’ because of not having things working as I expect them to work out. This is how we usually then become our own mindfucks to deal with, this is how we do it all to ourselves.

Sticking to physical reality is then realizing: I am here as breath, I move and direct each point as I read through the words and reply in common sense without expecting or wanting a particular outcome wherein I can be ‘satisfied’ about others’ understanding. I simply direct each point as it is here on my screen, without holding any idea/ belief or perception accumulated over time on a particular ‘someone’ because I see and realize that this is in no way about ‘others’ but myself only.

Point by point, moment by moment we walk here and we stop ‘unleashing the dragon’ out of nowhere – apparently – and instead make sure we don’t accumulate all of these thoughts eventually becoming physical pain to ‘deal with.’

Such forms of abuse are unnecessary, we do it to ourselves = we take self responsibility.

Breathe.

Patience– the mommy of all virtues