Day 26: Captive in My Own Cage

 

While listening to the latest chapters of the  Atlanteans’ series wherein the entire process of being being ‘imprisoned’ is explained in detail, I could see that my reactions to this energetic caging and enslavement were like physical experiences of slight chest constrictions and a general sense of regret mixed with powerlessness, as I explained yesterday.

I can see how the word ‘captive’ depicts the associations that I created of myself within such experience, which is what I felt like and fed through various thoughts that were part of the crutches that I would use as an excuse to pursue spirituality, seeing my body as a cage believing that who I really was is some spiritual being trapped in this body, this vessel – yet the point that we got to understand today is how there is no-part of me to oppose, neglect or dispose here, it is about an actual integration of who I really am as one and equal within what would be popularly identified as the mind, body and spirit – however this is understood as: the mind, the physical body and consciousness as the trinity that we’ve become wherein the equalization of all three points implies me walking myself back to self through occupying my mind, body and understanding how I created myself as consciousness to only later on, get to the point of birthing self as life which is only a possibility once that we walk ourselves backwards.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as a captive, as a prisoner and exist within a perceived victimization from what I accepted and allowed as a process of being captivated in order to become who and what we are today as human beings, without being able to remember why I had lived in such an internal conflict within feeling like a prisoner in my own body, without realizing that I haven’t actually ever occupied my body in its totality – therefore, how could I deem it as a cage if I am not even aware of the internal processes it functions as?

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself to an experience within the mind as an energetic imprisonment which has been the real ‘captivity’ that I have lived within and as, wherein I disregarded the absolute draining of physical matter to keep up my delusions and experiences of alienation from my very physical body, it is unacceptable to say the least what we have done to ourselves, what we accepted and allowed and how a single belief about who we are led us to the consequences we are facing today.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to hold myself captive of my own thinking processes about what I have accepted and allowed within my life and throughout existence, which means that I created general reactions of irritation and loathe toward everyone wherein ‘my freedom’ was sought in separation of the whole, wherein I thought that I was the only one feeling like imprisoned and limited, being ‘caged’ in my own body, without really understanding how we function as one organism that exists in constant recreation of separation by me using my mind and physical body to elaborate further ways to separate myself from the whole, which is what has led us to ‘upgrade’ our human version into a more distrustful, fearful, jealous, envious being that fears its own fear.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate ‘freedom’ with being out of the body- having no body at all – and not having to eat which is what I also have held as a constant experience of enslavement whenever any physical need has to be met, simply because of how I have judged this physical body and design wherein I created an experience toward it. I sought to make myself feel better about it, without realizing that in this very movement to ‘get out of the experience’ I would inevitably stir the waters and create further inner conflict, as I resisted to see and realize that it was simply me creating an energetic experience in my mind that is absolutely separated from the actuality of the physical reality, in this

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as my mind, as my physical, as my creation which is my own body and everyone else around me wherein I got to be reluctant to accept myself here, because of not seeing ‘any point in life’ and within that, only fueling the separation that could only exist within my own mind, without any actual physical reference of the body being actually a cage or any other form of confinement that I believed it to be within my own mind, only. I realize that who I am as consciousness could only understand the physical through its narrow and limited ways of understanding the physical reality, which is not a beingness but knowledge only.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that whenever I sought to overcome/ fight an internal conflict, when and while I tried to force my way out of it, I would invariably create further resistance, conflict, friction as separation, which means that any belief of me being ‘over it’ is only a defense mechanism of my own ego to protect the reality that is still here and that must be self-forgiven in order to reintegrate myself back to self, wherein there is nothing to oppose or overcome or grow out of, but instead realizing the separation for the mind-creation that it is and walk the process of reintegrating myself back to self in equality and oneness, where no further conflicts are created as I will have then understood the starting point of me separating myself in friction and conflict as a self-created experience to only generate energy for my mind to continue existing, as part of the ‘maintenance processes’ that I have participated in within the co-creation processes within this reality.

 

I realize that the only solution is for me to unconditionally stop any type of judgment, not only toward the body in itself, but toward this idea of myself having been a captive throughout my existence. This implies that no victimization can be held toward myself/ anyone else. I become the point that stops all mental captivity in reducing myself to being a single idea, a single experience and being ‘held captive’ by my own deliberate participation in such concepts that I gave my power away to in order to regenerate the initial existential conflict created from that initial moment of separation, wherein I accepted an existence of seeking the positive to feel more/ feel better about myself and the idea of self that I accepted and allowed as ‘who I am.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to generate an experience toward the word ‘captive’ which implies that I can only inflict such limitation upon myself through my own participation as it, which is how easy an entire relationship of mind-abuse toward self can be followed/ created by living out a word as an experience, instead of realizing that I can simply self-forgive it and stop regenerating such beliefs and perceptions as myself.

I realize that captivity is simply an experience created within my mind as the accumulations of thoughts that I tried to make as if it was ‘okay,’ when it was really a draining experience when having no direction over my experiences and essentially becoming sad and dismal whenever any thoughts of a similar nature would come up.

 

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create this existential woe and dread from the belief and perception of being held captive by ‘someone else,’ without realizing that the best cage that I’ve built for myself has been my own thoughts that have created and generated an entire fortress as a limitation to my actual ability to live and express here unconditionally.

 

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to want to blame others for this experience of feeling like a captive, which would imply that I sought for revenge other than actual freedom from such captivity, disregarding at all times and not even considering that I had been the one that accepted and allowed and fully agreed upon such moment of separation, which stemmed from a set of beliefs that are no different to the current belief system that we are still living in as our world-cage and fueling with our own participation in it every single day, just by the mere fact of living in a world wherein money decides who lives and who dies.

 

Okay – here’s the point tied with the point of being born into this world and essentially the memory of ever having blamed my parents for bringing me into this world. I can see how that is also another aspect of me blaming my mother/ father because I apparently didn’t choose to be here, so all in all it was me trying to find a reason and a general culprit for what I accepted and allowed beyond family ties and being born from two human beings. I now realize that this comes from such primordial separation wherein I accepted and allowed my energetic imprisonment as the mind, as the solidity of the individual that I’ve been wherein I probably spent lifetimes loathing my body and seeing it as a cage, because I essentially had a pretty bad relationship toward my body that I’ve walked for the past years and continue walking it.

 

This is just another perspective in terms of how whenever I wished to just die. This was also supported by the belief system of there being an apparent heaven that I would go to wherein some ‘real freedom’ could be experienced. But in fact, what I had held as a non-conscious thought of seeing this reality as a prison, was just feeling that I was not able to identify, which is what propitiated my vexed experience in this world. And what I can see is that, we probably all feel and experience ourselves in a similar way, because we are the same in fact, and that very first moment of separation explains how there is really no one to blame for this belief of ‘captivity’ because we were the ones that built the cage ourselves.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a captive of my own beliefs, thoughts, feelings and emotions wherein I used such internal conflict to apparently ‘resolve’ my ‘unresolved conflict’ within this experience of simply loathing the world, myself, reality and everyone, wanting to challenge and question any god: ‘why the fuck am I here for?’ which is part of the grudges toward this ‘god’ that lead me to stop desiring being a ‘good person’ and presenting this immaculate image, simply because reality was showing me the opposite at all times, without realizing that I was the very creator of it all, I am responsible for such primordial separation and in that, responsible for any inner-conflict experienced within myself against my own body, reality and every living being in this Earth.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ever feel claustrophobic in my own body, which was actually a self-created experience from me being haunted by my own memories, my own fears, judgments and emotions that lead me to be constantly wanting to run away from everyone including myself, which is why I developed ways to not be alone or when being alone, being a complete absentee from my very physical body, because I simply neglected it and believed that I could only solace myself with entertainment and relationships where everything seemed at least ‘not that miserable,’ without realizing that through wanting to ‘clear up’ my experience, I inevitably also fed the negative inner-experience that was not actually self-forgiven, but only buried by layers of suppressing myself and building myself into an idea of self that could apparently ‘forget’ about my own mind as the experiences that lead me to ever really question who am I and what am I doing here.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ever desire to just ‘die’ to be ‘free from my body,’ without realizing that the actual prison is and has been ourselves as our own mind, as the reality that is stemming from our very own mind wherein we have decidedly created a point of friction, separation and absolute disregard to each one of us being in fact one and equal, being the very cause of all our experiences wherein there is nothing and no one to blame anymore, but simply stand up, take Self Responsibility for our creation and ourselves and within that, stop any experiences from all that which we have accepted and allowed to exist as ourselves from the very moment of separating from self as one and equal.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that heaven was the ‘real freedom’ and the place wherein I could finally run free and no longer be held a ‘captive’ in this matter world, without realizing that heaven is non existent, that I fed heaven through my very own internal conflict and friction that kept me thinking in and of separation, which only fed my own separation from the actual reality that I am which is this physical body that I neglected within my mind, without ever pondering how it is that I can judge that which sustains my very beingness, how can I neglect the very processes that allow the food that I eat be digested in order for me to continue living in this world, how have I become spiteful toward my very beingness just because of allowing thoughts in my mind to run rampant as an eternal friction, conflict and opposition toward my very beingness and matter.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate the word ‘matter’ to ‘problems’ wherein I then believed that all problems that I experienced could be ‘ended’ if I ceased to exist as such matter, without realizing or even understanding that the reality that I am is actually matter, as the physical that I have neglected, diminished, abused and tortured by my very belief system of ‘being a captive’ in my own body.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ever support belief systems of ‘life after death’ being ‘the real life’ and this being only a sick joke that I had to endure with lots of inner conflict and mental pain that I created and fueled by my very own participation, never ever questioning ‘what the hell am I doing to myself?’ because I saw it as a righteous way to blame any ‘creator’ for my existence.

 

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to want to blame my progenitors for ‘bringing me to this world’ without me apparently having chosen to be here, which only points out a point of desiring/ wanting to abdicate my own responsibility that has been always diverted to an ‘authority’ and some ‘greater force,’ wherein I became part of the masses that prefer to blame than actually get to know and understand how reality operates, and how we got ourselves here.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to within this experience of and as captivity, seek to spite ‘god’ or fellow human beings for being born into this world that I see simply continued participating in within the ‘accepted ways’ of detracting, criticizing, judging, blaming everyone and anything outside of myself for my very own existence – and in that, becoming a captive of my own beliefs toward my ‘captive-state’ without realizing how I had created and generated it all for myself, from that very acceptance of separating myself from myself, ensuing the current state of reality that we’re living in, which is my creation and absolute responsibility to get myself back to as a whole again.

 

I commit myself to expose how we create our own cages of the mind while believing that all we are is this personalized fuckup that exists as thoughts, feelings, emotions that are only here to recreate and generate further inner conflict within ourselves, without realizing that it is in such separation that I have become this reality in its full splendor of human nature that spites itself back in the name of personal power and ‘freedom,’ that can only exist within this energetic-system of abuse as the current power games we play with and toward each other as personalities, fighting for survival and seeking the most ‘heavenly experience’ which is achieved with gaining/ earning/ getting the most money.

 

I commit myself to expose how any victimized state of being stemming from wanting to blame a god/ creator for our existence, is in fact abdicating our responsibility toward ourselves, this world as our creation and the very mirror of what we accept and allow to exist within our very own minds, therefore sharing and demonstrating how it is possible to stop living in such state of captivity by and through supporting ourselves to write out our cages, our frames of mind, our limitations/ fears/ judgments to walk a process of reintegrating ourselves back to that initial state of no-conflict, no opposition which is only able to be lived as self by walking this process of self through writing Self Forgiveness, developing Self Honesty and walking the practical living correction to ensure that we stop all separation in this world beginning with the separation that we have accepted and allowed in and as ourselves, as our physical body and mind.

 

I commit myself to walk my mind as my creation, my point of responsibility that requires a process of self-correction to ensure that I understand how I created myself, how I have limited and diminished myself to only being an ‘idea’ that is existing in constant and continuous conflict, to stop and walk a physical integration of such conflict into self-directive actions wherein who I am is able to be lived and expressed within the principle of what’s best for all as Life, as my actions and thoughts are from here on walked, self forgiven and directed to express the will of who I really am as one and equal, which implies no separation is allowed.

I commit myself to expose how we are the very ones that wrought this cage as our own mind, and how it is in reality that only through standing one and equal as our mind, as our physical body and taking responsibility for the consequences that are here as our reality and creation that we can finally birth life in the physical, the way that it always should have been.

 

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About Marlen

I'm a human being that has decided to live by the principle of Life in Equality and place myself as a point of support for everyone that's willing to birth themselves as Life in this world. View all posts by Marlen

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