Day 29: Bite Back for More

A way to see backbite is when talking/ thinking/ using another person as a way to create ideas, beliefs perceptions as thoughts that become ‘the flavor of the week’ in our minds, in order to make ourselves ‘feel’ something that we have defined as ‘good/ positive/ fulfilling’– how? When and while we keep ourselves busy thinking about someone/ something, we are giving away all our attention and focus to generate thoughts – and even feelings/ emotions – toward something/ someone that we are essentially using to occupy our minds while they are Not in fact HERE in our physical immediacy. In other words: backchatting/ fantasizing about others to entertain ourselves.

 

So in terms of backbite only talking maliciously or ‘unkindly’ about someone that is absent, can also mean being thinking about someone and using that someone as a crutch to create experiences within ourselves for the sake of our own satisfaction. Yes, as crude as it sounds when placed in such a way, this is what the usual ‘Thinking of you’ type of attitude manifests to the point where obsessions escalate until it becomes an absolute possession as uncountable breaths are entirely disregarded to keep up such energetic thrill going on, and all that remains is then a tremendous hangover once that we realize what the hell have we actually in fact done: using the idea that we have created of someone in our minds in order to generate any form of experience that is either ‘good’/ positive or ‘bad’/ negative, which is backchat that we have  become so used-to that stopping it is experienced with withdrawal symptoms, which results in not getting our ‘thrill’ in place –  just like in any other type of addiction.

 

This is why Self Honesty is not nice or beautiful, it’s like stopping sugar. Such instant custom-made gratification that we are able to produce in the confines of our mind is simply ‘too sweet’ to let go of – why? Because it makes us ‘feel’ something- whether it is negative or positive, it’s still a state of mind that will take us from pole to pole to continue existing as that spark that keeps the fire alive as consciousness within ourselves.

Furthermore, we have created such infatuations in our own mind = they are only thoughts/ beliefs/ ideas that we have allowed ourselves to generate and create further experiences about – it’s never about ‘them,’ it’s always about each one of us that creates the mindfuck.

 

Needless to say, this type of thinking and behavior is commonly accepted and encouraged in our reality – it is seen as harmless/inoffensive without realizing that the only consequence is and must be faced by the creator of such backbite, which is each one of us that have used the idea/ belief and image of another for the sake of creating a certain experience within ourselves, which in this case will be with regards to making myself feel ‘good’ about ‘me’ through using others as a crutch to sustain that positive experience. 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to reduce another being to being simply an idea in my mind that I use in order to satisfy my own moments while recreating and replaying the idea in my mind as something that ‘I enjoy,’ which is recognizing that words, pictures, images are able to possess me into the point of infatuation, wherein all obsessions are fed with words, pictures, thoughts that I then give enough power to in order to continue existing in such a ‘thrill’ in my own mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that what which I am ‘fantasizing’ about has in no way any possible real, direct correlation of the actual reality of the subject matter, as it is all created in my own mind for the sake of generating a momentary satisfaction that takes me from my state of seeking ‘something’ to entertain myself with wherein a point is created through giving it constant and continuous attention, building up enough energy as backchat/ thoughts and in that, start experiencing this positive experience wherein because this energy overrides common sense, I  lose my ground and eventually stop focusing on breathing and give myself into thinking/ fantasizing/ day dreaming, which is using thoughts as a crutch for a positive experience about something/ someone – in this

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get to a point of excitement through constantly feeding the idea about something/ someone that is effectively creating a positive experience within myself, wherein then such point requires regular attention and in that, losing my own physical awareness of being here, breathing and directing myself in my physical reality which requires no energy for me to continue existing as all that I am is the physical body grounding myself to physical activities that don’t require for a constant energetic experience for me to move.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and generate thoughts about another as a trigger point to generate a ‘good feeling’ within me wherein I give my power away as in using my physical body to carry the consequences of me having lived a life of seeking the next greatest excitement, without being actually aware of what is it that I am in fact consuming while existing in such mind-projections, which is always self as substance, as life being used and abused for the sake of my own personal entertainment.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only now see how deluded and abusive it is to hold thoughts as a crutch to create an experience within us, wherein I was making the statement: ‘this physical reality is not enough for me to think that I am alive’ – and in that, disregarding the very breath that I take to generate such a life-degrading thought that can only exist when and due to me having defined ‘who I am’ as energy, as a personality that seeks to be constantly reinforced through ‘triggers’ from ‘the outside world,’ to keep existing as a the ‘I feel/ I think’ human that is only defined as an energetic experience.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to reduce who I am of/as substance of equality and oneness into a single idea/ belief of myself as a certain energized set of characteristics that seek out for words/characters/pictures to generate enough backchat that is accumulated until the positive experience as self-created reward is experienced to the point of instant ‘satisfaction,’ until the experience runs out again as any other energetic experience, wherein I then proceed to continue ‘searching’ for more points to give enough attention to build up as energetic experiences that I can rejoice about, which is only  thought, emotions related.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is actually about another person that I am ‘thinking’ about, which is only the idea that I have created about someone/ something that serves as the ignition point for me to continue generating, thoughts and giving them enough attention to eventually lose myself from being here in the physical an instead, existing as a set of predictable patterns in my own mind that seek to create an energetic feeling such as excitement and curiosity, which lead me to act in a rather rushed and clumsy manner, as I am not here breathing/ walking/ existing only in the physical, but fueling a constant coming an going of thoughts that serve no other purpose than being the necessary wood to keep the initial fire I started alive.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make it socially acceptable and even promoting it through cultural clutches like songs, movies, pictures, books, images to make it seem perfectly ‘normal’ to have the thought of something/ someone in your mind in order to generate a positive experience within you, which becomes nothing else than a lollipop that we are constantly licking to keep the sugary experience as feelings ‘alive,’ which is then realizing that we have become addicts to our own mind wherein it is never about ‘another’ in fact, but only the relationship formations we’ve created toward a point that we perceive is separate from ourselves.

 

I forgive myself that I never stopped for a moment to question why I had to have the thought of something/ someone as a constant and continuous thought pattern that I would be constantly fueling and generating an energetic experience about it while having no actual physical interaction or living-out of the point in reality, which implies that I gave myself away completely to exist as a set of thoughts to fuel an experience that can only exist if I consume me of/as substance and transform such unconditional life that I take into essentially mind garbage that keeps my ego in place, that keeps me preoccupied with useless bullshit that has no direct correlation to my physical reality in the moment.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself and others by reducing them to be simply ‘thoughts in my head,’ which reveals to what extent we have never in fact had an actual relationship with others as we have only always communicated to our own minds as personalities and pictures that we form judgments/ ideas upon, which implies that we become the actual separators from equality when abdicating the physicality as the only reality that exists in equality, and accepting separation as mind definitions of ‘who we are’ as personalities toward one another, which is all that we have ever believed ourselves to be: a person/ personality that interacts with other persons/ personalities that ‘get along well’ because of ‘being similar’ and in that, continue the propagation of sectarianism in society wherein all that we identify ourselves with is ideas, pictures, thoughts, experiences instead of standing one and equal to that which is real and requires no differentiation/ specialized set of attributes as thoughts/ opinions/ beliefs to exist.

 

I see, realize and understand that the only point that I can trust is myself here breathing, that is the physical confirmation that I am here and that everything that I can do is direct my thoughts so that I can stand one and equal as the physical, as the mind, as the thoughts in conjunction to the immediate physical reality wherein no mind-energy is required to move, only physical energy that I consume to support me to move/ walk/ live/ direct myself in physical reality.

 

I see, realize and understand that it is only through me stopping this constant pattern of having to create a nice idea about someone in my head to make me ‘feel’ something that is generally ‘good,’ I am only fuelling my own tendency as a mind system to keep itself occupied taking all the energy from the physical and transforming it into fuel to generate an experience about that which has no physical-correlation to my reality at the moment, that which I don’t require to constantly ‘feed’ to continue existing.

 

I commit myself to stop using thoughts, pictures, imagination and ideas that I can create/ generate about something/ someone in my reality that I use as a crutch to create a positive experience within me, which eventually reaches its peak and must die, leaving a desire to re-experience, re-charge the same thought with ‘new inputs’ to keep the same energetic experience going, which is how I realize that it’s never about an actual person/ place/ event but only the very thoughts I create and eventually manifest as obsessions that are kept alive by myself only. This is how I take self responsibility to ensure that such Self-Interest system is stopped within me, as thoughts created to generate a ‘good experience’ is the basic existence to create a world wherein abuse is perpetuated in the name of such ‘good experiences.’

 

I commit myself to expose how that which is culturally accepted and promoted as infatuation and feeding our obsessions is only linked to the energetic-addictive system that we have all agreed to participate in the moment that we diminished ourselves to a single Idea of self that is fundamentally ‘flawed’ and ‘incomplete’ which is the state by ‘default’ that we have lived as a negative experience that seeks to get to a point of positive experience through using thoughts as a way to push the necessary personalized buttons and create energy to get to such climatic positive energy, which it wanes and decays only to get back to ‘where we started,’ which indicates that a new point/ relationship formation in my mind is created and fueled in order for me to get the most of it while I can.

 

I commit myself to expose how the nature of relationships can only exist as conflict and separation, as this is how we have accepted and allowed ourselves to ‘live’ as programs that are constantly seeking a positive energetic experience because of having diminished ‘who we are’ to a single personality that seeks recognition/ validation/ acceptance from other personalities equally ‘flawed’ to then become dependent on each other as energetic crutches wherein relationships become wells for energy to be sucked and sipped until it is dry and the next well is sought to continue the idea of life/ living going.

I’m the fire starter and I can only be the one that Puts the Fire Out

Desteni

Desteni Forum

Destonians 

Journey To Life 

 

Agreements: Re-Defining Relationships

 

Blogs:

Interviews that explain the nature of relationships as points of self-separation and degradation of life into a single experience in our minds – the why, how, when, who and what for is here:

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About Marlen

I'm a human being that has decided to live by the principle of Life in Equality and place myself as a point of support for everyone that's willing to birth themselves as Life in this world. View all posts by Marlen

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