131. Stop Yourself with Self Forgiveness before You Kill someone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be completely unaware of myself here as breath whenever I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as the backchat ‘I want to kill you/him/her/them or myself’ without being absolutely aware of what it is that I am in fact implying with this very sentence as an absolute statement of who I am in such a moment, which we have taken so ‘lightly’ in our reality, without actually considering how every single thought, word and deed that we give ‘life’ to, creates and manifests a consequence for all as equals – within this it is in the best interest of myself and everyone to investigate how we have become the words we created in order to have the ability to take someone/ one’s own life based on a mind-created retaliation process wherein who we are as life as one and equals is Not being considered at all.

 

When and as I see myself thinking, pondering and speaking the words ‘I want to kill you/them/ he/she or myself’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that to get to this point wherein we are able to exist as such backchat, there has been an actual accumulation of words that I have thought, spoken and acted upon without considering a single speck of the physicality that I am in fact abusing when existing as a self-created possession that can only exist if we give permission for it to exist as ourselves in any given moment.

 

I see, realize and understand that speaking words without awareness is an obvious result of never having lived the words we speak, but only THINK them and believe that they hold no effect upon oneself or others in any way whatsoever, without ever pondering how it is that our world is currently the construction of the words we think, speak and create in separation of ourselves, which implies that words and expressions of decisive violence against others are to be reviewed for the intention and starting point they hold as the accumulative effect of thoughts, backchat, internal conversations that we have believed it is ‘who we are’ in fact, without ever questioning WHO we are being and what we are accepting and allowing when existing as words that imply abuse, harm and violence against others.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to  harbor the backchatI want to kill you/he/she/them’ as the result of me not getting what I wanted from something/someone, leading me to the absolute opposite of that extreme desire I experienced to initially seek to get what I want/ needed/ required/ desired, which implies that I am in fact willing to harm/ abuse others within the desire to match my positive experience in the mind, to a reality that in no way will ever match my inner fantasies of ultimate positive experience, as such positive experience can only exist if there is a point of abuse behind it within the current configuration of our world system wherein not everyone is being equally supported to Live.

I realize that who am I within the wordsI want to kill you/him/her/myself’ I am in fact existing as the ultimate abuser that can be existent within ourselves as thoughts in our minds, the ultimate possession wherein who we are is reduced to one single point of self-destruction that is apparently ‘righteous’ in nature, and ‘makes sense’ without realizing that we in fact require to STOP, take a Deep Breath in order to realize what is it that we are in fact giving ourselves away to within a thinking pattern such as ‘I want to Kill you/ myself/ them’  – I realize that this is an absolute red flag wherein I must see and realize that I have accepted and allowed myself to be possessed by my own mind as the accumulation of time that I must take Self Responsibility for.

To do this, I Stop myself from participating or adding more thoughts to that single thinking pattern – then look back at the entire event/ points that I lead myself to get to this point of creating and holding the backchat such as ‘I want to kill you/her/he/them/myself’ in order to take Self Responsibility for oneself and one’s own thoughts, instead of using such backchat for further manipulation toward oneself and others in means of getting the problem solved, the ‘desired attention’ that we simply were not able to give to ourselves from the very first moment that we were seeking happiness, fulfillment and satisfaction in separation of ourselves through something or someone as the point of desire.

(This is why and how the previous posts explaining the polarity created upon Hate and Love are relevant to read, please do so in order to understand how the desire to Kill someone stems from a perceived point of loss/ lack that is then projected onto others as the absolute opposite, as that is how the mind operates)

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as the backchat  ‘I want to kill you/them/he/she/myself’ as the result of an accumulated backchat that I allowed to compound within myself without having a look at What is it that I accepted and allowed to exist within my world as a point of obsession and possession without giving it proper self-direction, which means that I allowed myself to get to the point of wanting to end someone’s life/ my own in order to ‘get away with murder’ wherein the implication of ‘killing someone’ is the ultimate apparent imposition of power and control over someone’s life – including one’s own – which is frequently seen as something ‘honorable’ to redeems one’s pride and position without ever understanding what real Honor implies as life.

Thus I see realize and understand that any belief about the thoughts ‘I want to kill him/her/them/myself’ being the ultimate free choice and free will decision to end someone’s/one’s own life is nothing but an ultimate self-medicated brainwash wherein I am in fact declaring that I am being possessed by my own self-created thoughts, leading me to create an inner experience of dissatisfaction, disbelief and or depression through relationship problems which I decide to make as something ‘grave’ enough to retaliate against another that I have taken as the ‘cause’ and ‘reason’ for my experience in the form of wanting to kill them/oneself in order to vindicate any sense of ‘pride’ and ‘honor’ when one’s ego has been hurt.

When and as I see myself wanting to Kill Someone in my mind, I stop immediately and I breathe, I realize that whatever I am seeing in something/ someone that is leading me to want to end another’ life/ my own life is simply a escapism distraction to not look at where and how I am absolutely responsible for my own creation in that moment – thus I take responsibility for myself to ensure that I in fact investigate within me, my life where I have created this particular pattern of anger, content and a desire to retaliate against others for something that I have directly created within and as my own mind.

I realize that throwing a tantrum about my own self-created obsession is the ultimate stupidity loop wherein I created and manifested a point of obsession based on all the positive experiences such as love, fulfillment, satisfying desires, needs, wants, dreams and the moment that I cannot fulfill these positive experiences in my physical reality the way that ‘I’ envisioned it in my mind, I then take it out on those that I believe and perceive were the reason why my dream/ point of desire and obsession was not able to be fulfilled – thus,

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually be throwing a tantrum in my mind thinking about ‘killing myself/ another’ just because I could not get what I wanted, which became a self-created point of possession turning it deliberately into another form of Self-Victimization so that I could be labeled as ‘being mentally instable’ and s such, abdicate responsibility upon my own creation of which I am in fact able to be aware of from the very first moment of creating such a point of obsession/ desire as a possession, as I see and realize that anything that I created as a positive dream/ desire to fulfill, must eventually meet its downfall as the opposite negative point, which is how I believe I could ‘not take it’ to ‘lose’ my dream/ desire/ obsession, turning myself into an actual threat to myself and others’ lives just because of following my own thoughts to kill someone/ myself as a point to victimize myself and others as part of my own self-created obsession and delusion, that I see and realize ends where it began: within myself as my mind through taking responsibility for all that I have talked/ thought/ envisioned in my own mind toward that someone/ something that I allowed myself to become possessed by, losing all perspective of who I am as a physical being that only requires oxygen, food, water, shelter and basic relationships to continue existing and that anything else, is mind infatuation that I must take self responsibility for.

I see, realize and Understand that creating an ultimate desire for love, peace, joy and bliss as MY pursuit of happiness is what lead me to then experience all the opposite as hate, inner battles within my mind, dissatisfaction, dullness and self-hatred as the ultimate negative experience, that I then seek to ‘cure’ through exerting such anger stemming from ‘frustrated dreams’ against others, instead of actually stopping in one single cold moment to see what the hell it is that I am in fact using my physical body for, to think and scheme ways to kill others or myself just to ‘get away with murder’ within the love/hate relationship that I formed in my mind only.

 

When and as I see myself wanting to take revenge toward others/ myself for not being able to obtain/get what I wanted, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am the one that must take absolute responsibility for the entire point of possession and understand to what extent I have allowed myself to be possessed by these seemingly ‘innocent thoughts’ like saying ‘I want to kill you/her/him/them or myself’ as an apparent quick fix and solution to a problem that was created Only within my mind, thus I take absolute Self-Responsibility for every single experience that I created toward others in order to vindicate myself and always consider as if I had won after a perceived loss.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize to what extent I am abusing all and every single cell of my physical body and dishonoring every single particle that I exist as, the air I breathe, the beings I eat in order to continue living whenever I use life to create thoughts of self-deprecation, self-hatred and hateful self-manipulative rants wherein I believe that ‘I can get my control back by hating/ loathing something/someone,’ without realizing to what extent I am in fact depleting the very life that I  consist of every time that I participate in thoughts of any kind – whether positive as love, light, bliss, excitement and negative such as hatred, violence and absolute desire to control and abuse others as a way to feel better about myself.

 

I see, realize and understand that who I am as the thinking pattern ‘I want to kill them all/ myself’ is an absolute threat to oneself and others that I must immediately Stop and take responsibility for through immediate self forgiveness in order to actually See and Realize what is it in fact that I am participating in, what type of experience it is that I am creating when and while having these thoughts of killing another/myself in my head, what is it that I in fact perceive I lost that I am now wanting to take revenge of due to my own apparent inability to realize and see how any positive experience that I desire as an absolute point of possession that is not ‘doable’ and ‘livable’ in this physical reality, becomes the exact opposite as the ultimate disillusionment and hatred that is then sought to be compensated with exerting a point of power/ control such as killing others in order to satisfy one’s own ‘game’ in the mind wherein after the perceived loss of the happiness-point, one retaliates against the perceived point of loss in order to be the one that ‘has the ultimate say’ as the perceived ‘winning’-experience within a game that I only created within my own mind, as it was never in fact real.

 

When and as I see myself using the thinking pattern of ‘I want to kill him/her/them or myself’ as a way to feel powerful and ‘in control’ of the situation, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am in fact wanting to make up for an apparent and believed loss/ disillusionment that I must then take self responsibility for, as I am not going to solve anything within my life just by exerting this point of apparent ‘power’ over another’s life – or my own – by desiring to end it, but that I am in fact only hiding myself from the actual responsibility that I hold toward my own self-created obsession/ desire and fantasy that only existed in my mind through and by my own creation and participation in it.

 

I see and realize that I could only ‘give head’ to thoughts about killing another if I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to give to myself that which I perceive I lack, that which I perceive I desire and cannot obtain, which is how and why the nature of the desire as a point of possession is what one must take self responsibility for, to see where and how we have in fact brainwashed ourselves to believe that we must have a relationship, that we must be rich, that we must be experiencing ‘happiness’ all the time, that we must be ‘successful’ and ‘gracious’ 24/7, without realizing how it is in this very accepted and allowed brainwash that I have created my own obsessions and desires as a perceived ‘lack’ without understanding how they have been deliberately created by each one of us individually and collectively as the ultimate ‘happiness’ that everyone is now seeking and busy ‘buying in this world,’ without actually stopping to see how false and unreal such satisfaction actually is, as it has never ever been considered within the base foundation of what is best for all life

 

Thus I see and realize that everything that I would want to take revenge of, retaliate against due to my perceived dissatisfaction and ‘unfulfilled dreams’ are points that I must take self responsibility for to see, realize and understand to what extent I have accepted all the ‘positive’ as love, bliss, happiness, sex, money, fame and glory as everything that is ‘normal’ to desire, without understanding how the entirety and totality of the world system is based upon these self-created ‘needs’ that function at a cultural level of imprinting/ programming desires/ wishes/ obsession points in order to keep us entertained within our minds within a believed ‘lack’ and ‘loss’ that we experience as a ‘negativity’ within ourselves, seeking to get to the ‘positive’ all the time, which is what keeps us all recreating and reinforcing the entire Money System of abuse wherein all points of attainment are based on supporting the entire machinery of money as the current function abuse upon life.

To understand this points further, please listen to:

 

Within this, it is to see and realize how we have all been participants and directly responsible for anyone having thoughts of wanting to ‘kill’ in the name of an apparent positive experience upon a process of disillusionment/ disbelief and dissatisfaction, which is in fact only demonstrating how everything that we have judged in our reality as so called ‘bad people’ and ‘mind possessed’ people are in fact no different to everything that we have become as our own mind, as the same thinking pattern that I can create in one single moment of anger upon not getting what I wanted, is exactly the same thinking pattern that accumulated within a killer’s mind that lead him to actually act upon those same thoughts.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to indulge into the desires to love, have the ultimate bliss and happiness as a relationships to money, sex, success and anything that I created in my mind as a point of possession wherein I see myself in the ultimate ‘throne of glory’ as I realize that the process of realizing how the entire accumulation of the positive energy toward all those ‘good things’ comes inevitably to a downfall in a direct opposite manner to the absolute negative when seeing and realizing how unattainable my dreams/ wishes/ point of desire become, which is where I must investigate what type of fantasies, illusions and dreams which are only formulated in my mind did I give myself away to, did I allow myself to participate in just to get a positive experience out of it, deliberately ignoring how ‘unrealistic’ and ‘non-doable’ such dreams are, which implies that I must take responsibility for all my deliberate participation in all things positive to then see and realize that any perceived lack, loss or disillusion is only that, losing the illusion that I created in my mind as the ultimate positive imaginary experience leading me to the absolute negative when coming to the final realization that any point I seek to fulfill myself and my desires eventually devolves into a downfall as a negative experience – thus

I see, realize and understand that participating in the physical world does not require for me to create a positive or negative experience about it.

 

When and as I see myself participating in desires of happiness, fulfillment through relationships, getting the ultimate job and success in this world and reality, having all the money in the world, I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is the starting point of creating an entire cycle of self-abuse wherein we indulge into the positive experience that participating in all these ‘good feelings’ creates, however I see, realize and understand that such initial positive input must meet It’s opposite energetic output as the negative, the same way that the light is generated through friction and conflict as I see that I am allowing myself to be blinded by the delightful light, without considering the actual opposite as ‘the negative’ that is the foundation and starting point for any of my dreams and desires, which is to experience the positive and the ‘moreness’ of myself. Thus I ensure that I remain here in and as the physical body wherein I do not require to desire/want/need to obtain something/ someone in order to ‘feel better about myself,’ as I recognize and embrace myself as the totality of who I really am as myself in this physical body and in this physical existence that I have separated myself from through desire in my mind only.

 

I take self responsibility for every point of obsession and infatuation that I have created toward a positive experience, in order to stop the entire cycle of self abuse that seeking happiness entails and ending up in absolute despair and self-deprecation toward oneself and others just because of realizing that in this physical reality, all our dreams are just that: illusions/ fantasies/ thoughts in our mind that cannot be practically achieved without creating the absolute opposite within a world of consequence due to how we have created a foundation of ‘life’ based upon abuse. It is to investigate then the starting point of such want, need and desire and see where and how self is not giving oneself that which we seek/ desire from and as something/ someone in separation of ourselves.

………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Thus it is to see, realize and understand to what extent we are all collectively responsible for creating the ultimate polarity of love and light in opposition to get away from the perceived ‘lack’ as a negative experience, keeping ourselves always valuing everything outside of  as ‘more’ than ourselves, which is visibly existent currently as our monetary system –

It is to understand then that all killers, all mind possessed people are no different to you or me as we are currently ALL Mind Possessed. Thus through the living and application of Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective application  to start becoming aware of how every single thought that we have in a seemingly ‘fleeting moment’ of flinching and throwing a tantrum against others, does in fact create consequential outflows within everything and everyone equally.

This is our oneness and equality, wherein we have abused ourselves, the Earth, the animals that we are in fact Killing  slowly but surely every time that we give head to the directions that we created and programmed in my own mind, without taking responsibility for them and realizing what are we in fact stating within this action of wanting to be ‘more’ than others, to ‘have it all,’ to have the ‘ultimate happiness’ that cannot exist in this world currently without abusing something and someone.

 

More so than ever, I cannot see myself detached from any person that has ever been labeled as crazy or mind possessed as we are ALL currently mind possessed and as long as we try and hide this, we will continue blaming everything and everyone for what is going on on a daily basis as all forms of wars, abuse, violence and direct personal-life retaliation processes that originated from exactly the same place that you and I Also exist as, which is the mind that we are now here in the process of equalizing to and as our physical to finally ensure that everything we think, say and act upon is in fact standing in the Best interest of All Life in Equality.

 

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that FORGIVENESS is a Gift Given to Self to bring an END to the Illusion of a MINDSELF that is a Self Created Illusion, as Energy Presented as THOUGHTS, Feelings, and Emotions.” – Bernard Poolman 

 

Stop participating in those thoughts before it’s too late – there’s specific support for these thinking patterns available at:

 

Demonology

Desteni

Desteni I Process

Equal Money System

 

inner demons

2003

Blogs:

Interview to realize what it  is to Really in fact Experience that point of being trained to KILL others due to problems in our world that we have accepted and allowed with apparent no solution, without realizing that all wars stem from the inner wars we have created within ourselves as the mind.

Know Thyself:

About Marlen

I'm a human being that has decided to live by the principle of Life in Equality and place myself as a point of support for everyone that's willing to birth themselves as Life in this world. View all posts by Marlen

3 responses to “131. Stop Yourself with Self Forgiveness before You Kill someone

  • Iordan Nikolov

    the first thing that came to my mind when I found myself contemplating possible ways of killing someone, is that I am being possessed by a demon to think this way, and im being totally neutral by it, just deciding how much control to give it, while its totally undeserving.

    • Marlen

      Demons no longer exist as they used to, right now it’s only ourselves and our mind that are the sole creators of our ‘possessions.’ Therefore it’s just you deciding how much time and effort to give to ideas that, if fed sufficiently, will certainly override your perception or belief of being able to control it. Thus, I would not fuck around with such thoughts.

      http://demons.desteni.org for further support, including the forum.

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