Category Archives: backchat

409. The Uncomfortable Truth

 

Estamos atados a nuestra mente 07

 

 

One of the reasons why this process cannot be done by ‘one individual alone’ is because we are very prone to creating our comfortable bubble where we believe that ‘nothing is happening, I don’t react, everything’s done, my mind is quiet’ and how else would it be if I remained in my own little world and my own little bubble!’ So that is certainly not walking process. Facing yourself as this world is not only facing ourselves in our own minds or as ‘the world system’ but facing each other as the mind we are and have become.

 

So, here I open up my recent reactions to the exposure of my own truth which is the state of the mind that we all have and how whenever someone dares to ‘show it all’ then I react ‘OH man! how dare that person do that!’ or ‘How can that exist within a person’s mind? which is all backchat that is in fact immediately dodging MY own responsibility to myself, my mind, my judgments instead of immediately reacting to ‘assess’ another’s mind/words/actions/behavior within me as the character of ‘politeness’ or keeping things in order and control, no different actually to how politics operate and I will open up this point of politeness and how it is in fact of course a façade and self-deception that as anything, can be walked through and rather turned into an expression of consideration, instead of a blanket used to cover up that which I ‘don’t want to see/face’ as myself which is essentially just postponing facing the inevitable which is the truth of who we are and have become as our minds, and so to not judge ourselves as the mind, but rather learn how to support ourselves, how to understand ourselves as the mind, how to self-forgive and so walk/live the corrections which is the real direction for self-change required here.

 

The most important thing within this is to realize that taking one’s mind or another’s mind personally is a reaction, it is of the mind and it is only perpetuating the same problem we have co-created because it is like realizing that one participating in one’s mind is like giving fuel to a fire. So, basic point here is also to realize that we’re all in a process and even if one is aware of the tools and ‘knows’ about the principle of self-responsibility, it doesn’t imply that ‘that person is going to take self responsibility’ or ‘is not reacting at all now.’ We are all walking through it and what’s more important: if I react to another and turn it as a point of having my expectations ‘unfulfilled’ it means that there’s a point of expectation that I haven’t really sorted out and a point of reaction toward words/actions that exist in one’s mind behind such ‘disappointment,’ and that because this mind exists within me and everyone, then it is my responsibility to actually take responsibility for it – No more and no less, no matter ‘who’ I believe is triggering an experience within me, I have to be able to stand absolute regardless of what is being said/done either personally or indirectly.

 

I realize that my responsibility does not extend only to ‘myself’ but others as well,  and that’s where I tend to simply think that well, I can ignore the person/situation and not make a fuzz about it – but if the person is already walking a process  and they are already working on themselves to stop the mind, then it is absolutely my responsibility to support another within my possibility and ability to do so,  as that is exactly what I would like and want another to do with myself as well, which is actually what I have lived through these past years of being supported as part of a group walking this process of unveiling the ‘uncomfortable truths’ of ourselves as the mind, that which we have kept secret and ‘veiled’ throughout time.

So here is a self-reminder how everything works in reverse in the mind: we have to be cautious when things seem ‘too stable’ or ‘not much happening’ and instead whenever conflict emerges to be grateful for it as it is unveiling an aspect of myself, of ourselves that we haven’t faced as is the case here.  

 

 

The Human Being, being Sensitive to Discord, Disharmony, Disease – are very easily Motivated to Seek Out the Harmony within themselves as the Equilibrium of Multiple Systems, Interacting within Relationship of a Closed System, as a Balanced Perfection for the Sole Purpose of Keeping the being Engaged at All Times; to Seek the Equilibrium and to Keep the Equilibrium going, and where Mastery will be to become a Master of Love, and Stay within the Geometrical Equilibrium.[…]

This Principle has been Very Cleverly used to Keep the Physical Reality in a Form of Stable Control. With None of the Beings in Multiple Forms Realising How their Existence has been Systemized to be Followers of Reaction and Instinct. Followers of Pre-Planned Preprogrammed Designs, with Rewards along the Way when Equilibrium Spots are Hit within the Map of the Book of Life.” Bernard Poolman

 

 

 

This is the realization that everything that I judge in another exists within me.

 

Character extraction

 

Continuing from:

 

Self Responsibility and taking it All back to self at the individual level.

Based on the usual judgments I have created upon people that I perceive have something ‘wrong’ in them to, for example, be what I have defined as deliberately ‘evil’ or deliberately ‘deceptive’ or deliberately ‘conflictive’ and perceiving myself that ‘I could not stand such individual’ is demonstrating to me one thing only: where and how I have not yet considered such individual as myself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from another within the consideration that if the person is too mind possessed, too conflictive, then I don’t want to have anything to do with the person, which is essentially playing what I had criticized in our society wherein those that were mentally challenging to society and deemed as ‘crazy’ or ‘too out of the loop’ so to speak, were exiled and sent out of the main centers of society, as they actually posed a threat to the order, the ‘system’ in itself which I also conceived as a reason to simply not have to ‘deal with’/walk with and actually learn how to assist and support ourselves as individuals that can be mentally challenging when it comes to how we operate in our minds.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become my own denial as in wanting to not face or excuse myself from having to confront/face a part of me as another individual that exists in fact in each one of us that have a mind, wherein when seeing patterns in another that I believe myself ‘incapable’ of doing or not being able to ‘fathom’ them, I go into a helplessness situation toward that point/person/mind that I am in fact then still reacting to within the belief that ‘ I cannot conceive how that can exist in another/ why they say/do things in such ways’ without realizing that who we all are and have become in our minds is essentially the description of being mind controlled, being schizophrenic as in being separated from each other, from our physical body and have become nothing else but ‘agents’ to consciousness, to the mind which we here understand that it has never existed within the principle and consideration of what is best for all because the starting point and origin of our mind was never meant to support our self-realization of being in fact equals and one in this reality and so

When and as I see myself creating a denial/existing in denial based on how I react to another’s mind based on backchat, beliefs, perceptions, assumptions and expectations of ‘how another should act/be by now’ I stop and I breathe. I realize that here I am going into the assumption that people have had to ‘change’ already according to time and process application, without realizing that me reacting to another’s mind possession or patterns is in fact indicating my own patterns, my own reactions that I still have to deal with/walk through which is the whole point here. I realize that it is not about ‘the other person’ as it is all about myself, my own reactions to words/patterns/behaviors that exist within each one of us as mind consciousness systems that even if we know ‘how to support ourselves’ with self-supportive tools, I am here being the proof that going into denial, helplessness, disbelief, disappointment about others is really only about myself that am still reacting to people’s minds, processes and experiences.

 

I commit myself to when facing a person that is in a particular mindset that I have defined as ‘tough’ or ‘challenging’ that I then place myself in the position of understanding which is a practical humbleness that I have to practice wherein instead of looking for someone else to ‘take the ball’ I rather read/hear the person’s words and see how can I best assist and support myself to understand the person and so be able to in turn support another within  placing myself in another’s shoes so to speak – which practically means living humbleness without expectations of ‘what the person should already know by now’ as we have proven ourselves as human beings that ‘lessons learned’ have come and gone and we have repeated the exact same mistakes, which shows then to what extent I have to remind myself that it isn’t as ‘easy’ to change or to expect change from others instead of first working with myself to ensure that I am in fact that point of change and the becomes the living example of how it is possible to walk with and support another as myself, regardless of ‘who’ that another is, ‘what’ they say or how they present themselves as I then recognize and realize at all times that ‘that another person is myself too.’ And this is the essential aspect of facing our equality: nothing of what exists in another is really ‘separate’ from myself, and so

I commit myself to live by the principle of really stopping any expectation upon another, any idea of ‘how another should be/act like/live by now’ within ideas, beliefs or perceptions of who I believe another to be – and instead focus on myself, on actually ensuring that I am not immediately diverting my attention to ‘another’ but to first and foremost focus on myself as it would be kind of pointless to try and ‘support another’ if I am reacting even in the most subtle ways.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to see my reaction as ‘disappointment’ but I realize that this would be like wearing a ‘good doer’ suit wherein it is  perceived as  more ‘benevolent’ to believe I experience disappointment upon myself and others upon who I created expectations about ‘who they are’ but  instead I recognize the ‘disappointment’ as the façade to create a form of victimization, because it’s seen with a ‘better light’ at the eyes of others, but in fact it was just an experience of giving  up, not knowing what to do/how to solve situations and problems wherein I then go into the experience of ‘I do not know what to do/what else to say’ and in doing so, rendering the situation, the person simply ‘gone’ and ‘obsolete’ – which is no different, once again to how we treat mentally ill people in our society, wherein because don’t take the time to walk with them, we simply locked them out, treat them as schizophrenics, paranoids with dissociative personalities and never have in fact taken the time to investigate what they represent as a part of ourselves, as the mind and so to not judge the person as the actual physical living flesh they are, but to simply learn to observe, to recognize the mind for what it is, and so be able to develop ways to assist and support oneself and others to best be able to walk through our mind and to always stick to principle instead of allowing personal vendettas or personal experiences and points taken personal from deviating ourselves from this process wherein for the first time we are doing what has never been done and what we as human beings don’t like doing which is: seeing ourselves as the mind, introspecting, self-investigating, which this includes not only ‘myself’ but also learning how to walk with others, their minds and configurations, to understand how and why they ‘came to be’ who they are as the mind and so never miss the point of realizing that no matter ‘how bad’ or how ‘evil’ I may perceive another, I am only judging another’s mind with my own mind which means that this is a point that obviously exists within me and here to self-forgive.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having harbored throughout many years the idea that because we are in this process, we simply do not ‘intend’ any ‘evil’ against one another, and so in this creating the assumption that because we understand principles, then it’s done, there’s no more frictions or conflicts, backchats beliefs toward one another, but this is simply not so. I’ve realized how much work it actually takes to really integrate this point of self-change and my point here to take self responsibility for is the experience of just projecting my own giving up to another as in ‘not knowing what else to do’ and seeing another as a ‘lost case’ instead of actually realizing that this mind /this person/this situation is actually a gift wherein I am demonstrating and mirroring back to myself where it is that I still have to work with within myself, within my mind, within my expectations and stopping them, within the memories that get activated within me whenever I have been throughout my life subject to any form of another’s mind projection as I see and realize that in the past I accepted and allowed this to affect ‘me’ because I then had no context or understanding of who we are as the mind and therefore

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create the thought pattern of ‘humanity is evil’ when I was in elementary school and I was subject to bullying for being the ‘star of the class’ and have kids stop talking to me or telling me how they were going to ‘defeat me’ and ‘bring me down’ and ‘win over me’ wherein I created an extensive amount of stress, apprehension and general I could say depression at age 7-8 wherein I could not fathom why these kids that were supposed to be my friends, my classmates were ‘getting at me.’ In this, I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to go into the experience of ‘I rather just not be ‘as good as I’ve been’ so that ‘they’ can have the spot they want and ‘I’ stop being the problem for them’ – without realizing that in this I would have given up on myself and making their words a ‘reality’ as a point for me to make decisions based on what others think/believe/say about myself or toward ‘me.’ So I realized by support of my mother that that was not the way and that I simply didn’t have to ‘listen to others’ but still, this ‘spine’ that emerged from these situations and later on becoming more aware of how we operate toward another as human beings in this world, made me feel powerless toward ‘the evil’ in this world and the actual nastiness and secrecy and deliberate hate that exists between human beings, which is how I then created the experience of being ‘too sensitive’ to these things which is why I then became a ‘hard ass’ so to speak so as to be able to cope better with all of these experiences that I went through while growing up and ‘taking the heat’ of things, while seeing myself in a constant ‘battle’ so to speak, which is why I also developed this mentality of having to be on a ‘defense mode’ most of the times toward those that I perceive are ‘out to get me.’

I realize that this is the modus vivendi that we all have, and that I’m no different to any other individual and I bet we have all created and built up our ‘walls’ of defense so that no one can really ‘get us’ or get to see the actual vulnerability that we all have as human beings, because this is understood as an opportunity to abuse a form of trust, of intimacy and understanding – so I see that because I’ve done this myself, I’ve been there myself, I can then understand why in the mind we tend to automate defense-mode and ‘attack-modes’ toward one another in the belief that ‘we have to defend ourselves.’

The  only thing that requires to be ‘defended’ is who we are as ego, because Life is simply recognized and supported.  

 

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have re-enacted, re-experienced within myself the same experiences of shock, sadness, disbelief and mostly  helplessness toward others such as the memory when I saw my ‘friends’ in school talking to each other’s ears during lunchtime and looking at myself and when I tried to join them, they simply ignored me, which is when I decided that I would have to learn how to be alone – and in this, allowing this secrecy and these backchats and ‘conspiracies’ about me to get everyone in the group to ‘dislike me’ to define ‘who I would be’ toward everyone else which is how I then started developing a constant state of distrust, having very few people as ‘friends’ and generally toward human beings creating this general idea that ‘everyone is evil’ so I could not like or trust people easily, which in a way it was cool as I was seeing the nature of who we are as the mind – but the problem is that I took it personally and I believed that ‘the world was out to ‘get me down’’ and that people wanted ‘my position’ in school/in my life or that ‘wanted’ my life, which lead me to essentially have virtually no friends, specially no ‘female’ friends as I considered that it was easier to ‘get at me’ or get to ‘steal’ the people I liked or my friends – lol which my fear became somewhat true at some point – but I see that this is all just what I have created in my mind, as my memories that I’ve loaded based on that initial disbelief, sadness, helplessness toward others’ words and having taken them personally, and so as a ‘result’ simply managing to become a ‘tougher’ person which was nothing else but the expression I had to ‘pull out’ in order to defend myself and have ‘no one to fuck with me’ which of course is not the solution, as this ‘stance’ of self-defense or being in constant ‘vigilant’ mode also leads us to perpetuate the state of wars within and wars without.

 

So in this I realize that If I am in fact here to embody stability and harmony as myself and toward others, I have to first ensure that I am not conditioning my behavior based on ‘how others act’ and so ‘act as a response To Them’ as this would be then Re-acting, responding, replying, reminding myself ‘who I should be’ toward another based on memories, emotions, beliefs, expectations, assumptions  - all of which is of the mind and all of which I cannot trust when being here with another, reading/hearing/sharing words with another and so in this

I commit myself to ensure that whenever I read something that is directed towards ‘me’ and I perceive it as a form of attack or slander, I stop and I breathe. And I ensure that I am stable and that I am not rehashing my past memories and experiences of ‘not knowing how to deal with this attack’ as in primary school – but instead immediately ground myself within the realization that these words are coming from another mind as part of the mind that I am also existing as, and as such, reacting in any way with fears, judgments, emotions and beliefs is nothing else but perpetuating the problem = not taking self-responsibility for myself, therefore I direct myself then to take into consideration how can I best support that individual and do so the same way I would like it to be done to myself, and actually seeing or ‘reminding’ myself that that person is a part of me that I am here to support as I have vowed to do so for myself in this process.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the façade that ‘everything should be fine’ because ‘there is no conflict’ and as such maintain this belief or experience of ‘everything is cool’ or ‘workable’ and whenever  a point of conflict emerges in my world and reality,  then I go into a form of ‘blame’ toward the person/point that emerged as ‘conflict’ for ‘disrupting the workable/agreeable situation’ which is in fact only pointing to myself where it is that I want to maintain a form of control over how I believe the situation should be, and how even if I have tried to ‘embrace conflict’ there was an expectation of such conflict being ‘solved’ already and so when the point repeats/reactivates I go into a helplessness state as in the belief of ‘this point/person/mind should have gotten it by now’ and so in this actually using  this backchat as an excuse to not FIRST of all look at why have I created such expectations upon ‘others’ instead of first pin pointing the reaction, the experience that leads me to create such backchat in the first place? Why have I accepted and allowed myself to dismiss this subtle reaction within ME and immediately shift it toward ‘another’ which implies a form of righteousness as well: I am right and the other is the one causing the conflict, which is in fact dodging /abdicating my own responsibility first and foremost. 

 

When and as I see myself having the backchat/assumption of ‘This person should have gotten it by now’ I stop and I breathe as I realize that in this I am immediately dodging my own reaction, my own expectations, my own beliefs upon that person/situation and the belief of ‘point being corrected/point is aligned/point will no longer repeat the pattern’ as I realize that in the mind everything that we have become throughout time is nothing else but a broken record where we repeat our same experiences from our very early memories in our lifetime, which I have seen and exposed for myself as well. Therefore I then commit myself to understand the person/situation, rather see what point is emerging now, what point is repeating, why and how can I best assist and support myself first to practice blaming or seeing ‘others’ as the problem, as I realize that obviously no matter how ‘subtle’ these reactions emerge within me, such words when directed as an expectation ‘toward another’ is indicating me that I first have to look within myself and see where I haven’t yet changed/aligned and corrected the point of reaction within myself, which is the whole point here of absolute self-responsibility and taking it all back to self.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the denial of my own secret mind when judging secrecy based on others’ words/actions, without realizing that in this I am once again dodging the realization that everything that goes on in my mind is still somewhat ‘secret’ as in there being no other being but myself in my mind and so by judging/denying/pointing fingers at ‘secrecy’ I am in essence missing out the point that has actually enabled us all to become ‘fearful’ to things like mass surveillance and so forth, which is how we want to ‘keep things secret’ as in hidden agendas where one can still allow backchat and imaginations/fantasies for ‘good’ or ‘bad’ about others which is a form of abuse as I realize that I would certainly not want myself to be subject to or an object of someone else’s mind – so for this, it is to first of all understand that ‘who we are as the mind’ has been the epitome of secrecy, the secret mind as that aspect of ourselves that we have veiled from everyone else, wherein we usually paint a good picture of us while hiding the ‘actual truth’ of ourselves. And so the title of this is ‘the uncomfortable truth’ which is where we believe that we are ‘right’ in our minds, that we are the ones doing the proper assessments, without realizing that when we are in any way judging/blaming/dismissing or denying another as oneself, one is definitely becoming the source and origin of the problem itself, as in the mind nothing can be trusted, in the mind as an immediate and almost ‘quantum’ experience that comes into our physical bodies and permeates our ‘reasoning’ from which we create an immediate response/reaction toward another, is not to be trusted, it is to be actually Stopped, breathed through in order to then assess what is it that’s coming up within me, why am I having this experience in my physical body, and so not attempt to ‘reply’ or ‘react’ to another as a way to ‘prove wrong’ or ‘prove right’ but instead focus on how I can respond in a way wherein I am taking self-responsibility which means that

 

I commit myself to respond to another based on the consideration of themselves as myself, and so first ensuring that I am fully stable, not participating in any experience – and if I was, then I Refrain/stop myself from reacting in the moment – so that I can take the time to assess how it is best to assist and support another, instead of wanting to ‘teach a lesson’ or ‘remind’ another of something that I believe ‘should have been ‘gotten’ by now’ – which is another form of righteousness or superiority when it comes to ‘proving another wrong’ or proving that ‘the point has not changed’ as an excuse to ‘dismiss’ another, which would be like wanting to cut my own arm just because it doesn’t have the strength that I expected it to have, even if I haven’t actually done the necessary work/training to develop such muscle and ensure that I have done all that is required to, for example, have my arm have a particular strength to a particular task or ability in my physical body.

 

I realize that everything that we’ve done throughout our lives in this reality is to dismiss, deny, negate, discriminate, exile, marginalize everything and everyone that doesn’t comply or doesn’t ‘fall’ into the creation of a normalcy which can be of course quite deceptive if not all cards are on the table, which means if oneself hasn’t actually taken absolute responsibility for what one is doing/experiencing/believing and perceiving about others and or the reasons why I would want to not want to see/not want to face/exile or marginalize another within the belief that ‘there is no cure, there is no solution’ which all that comes to mind when writing these words is the image of doctors in mental institutions that keep patients sedated and fully controlled just because we’ve given up on understanding how they got to such mental condition – or with ‘criminals’ that are sentenced to death which is our easy way out in society to deal with our own consequences, to not have to ‘face the dangerous person’ but, really being foolish to not investigate HOW and WHY we have created such mental problems, such so-called ‘criminals’ and why even our definitions of mental illnesses and criminals have been so diminished in our ‘mind framework’ dismissing all of us really that still exist in our minds and that still participate in a world-system where we commit crimes against life as a collective by allowing the starvation and the marginalization of those that we have rendered ‘helpless’ and ‘poor’ and ‘eccentric’ and ‘mentally ill’ and so forth, which are all tags that we create to justify our inability to work with them/walk with them in order to get to point of stability – which, of course, won’t be an easy thing to do, but it is what I would like others to do toward myself if I was in such position/role of being the marginalized, the ‘ousted’ one or the rejected one, as I’ve certainly to some degree have faced such point myself so, I realize that that is what I want for myself and so I have to give it to others that are willing of course to support themselves back, as that’s the essential principle I commit myself to walk here: to support others the way that I would like to be supported myself.

 

I commit myself to stop all assumptions, all projections of ideas/beliefs and perceptions I have toward ‘others’ and ‘who they are’ or ‘Should be’ in my mind, and instead commit to live in the moment where words are assessed in the moment instead of carrying ‘past history’ of a person within myself as a recollection of ‘experiences’ toward ‘them’ to then decide ‘who I am toward the person’ as this is my own conditioning my own ‘program’ that I have to ensure is not interfering with my ability to support another as myself which begins by ensuring I am not tainting another’s words based on the past or ‘who I believe the person to be’ but rather work each time, anew, from the words  in the moment, no past, not future, just here.

 

 

I commit myself to live the word humbleness in practicality within the consideration of others as myself which implies placing myself in the shoes of another, understand ‘where they’re coming from’ ensuring I’m not taking their words/actions/thoughts personally, but that I am able to instead if I see myself able to understand the words, I can most certainly challenge and will myself to support another that I see is willing to support themselves too, as this is how I see that through supporting each other it is easier to face the points and patterns that still exist within ourselves, so this is to not see another through eyes of ‘how changed he/she should be by now’ but to simply work with what is here, no preconceptions, no expectations, no denials, no running away or dodging the point but facing it fully here as it is part of my reality, and that then is of course my responsibility to face as well.

 

I commit myself to live the word gentleness which is a very necessary aspect when it comes to my words and to ensure that I am not in any way creating a defense mode toward another or to prove ‘righteousness’ or want to ‘control’ a situation through any amount of force, as I realize that this is what I have judged from any form of ‘authority’ that I have experienced such form of ‘control’ form, which is nothing else but actual fear that attempts to keep things ‘stable’ instead of facing them and directing them as self – so I realize that in order to live Gentleness  I have to let go of any speck of fear that creates the ‘defense mode’ and so align my words to embody that gentleness, consideration and humbleness to understand another, to support another as I would like to be supported myself and so be willing to embrace all parts of what is here in this world as myself and as points that I require to face if I am in fact to ‘train’ myself to educate myself to support any other person in this world that wants to support themselves back.

 

Further reading:

254. Beautiful Enslavement and Control

 

 

Suggested places to understand more about how to embrace and support the nature of who we have become as our mind:

 

Demonology | Revealing the world of demonsDesteni

 

The History of Desteni and Demons – Part One – YouTube

 

 

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To learn more about how to support yourself and another, share, walk with us and become part of the necessary liberation from fighting against each other and instead, become life:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  


403. How to Stop Living in Defense Mode

I have previously discussed how it is that we condition ourselves to create/put on a hard veneer in order to – let me be frank – not be fucked with/bullied/attacked by others and how this becomes like a second skin growth to actually make up for an initial experience of being vulnerable or having felt attacked by others words/actions. Here we can see how we condition each other to be constantly expecting the worst from one another, and so becoming the ‘fighters’ in the battlefield that we’ve created of our lives.

There are various reasons for this, one can be survival which is the way we have conditioned ourselves, our human nature to be guarding our own interest out of fear of others taking it away or abusing each other to get the most with the least effort etc. Another one is more related to that ‘attack’ that exists as a violent action toward one another, verbally/psychologically speaking while at the same time having the possibility to escalate to become physical as well. This is how I could see that we begin ‘corrupting’ ourselves0 when taking each others words personally, as a ‘personal attack’ and so create it in the form of bullying or ‘trollism’ as it exists now.

Here I’ll focus on a rather simply form in which I’ve noticed my own ‘defense-mode’ and what are the reasons for it. I’ve been actively participating in answering/interacting on YouTube and forums wherein I have had one of the most vivid evidences of how we can attack each other just for the sake of winning a ‘battle’ in our minds, just for the sake of ‘being right’ and making one another look like ‘an ass’ because ‘they are wrong’ and so in essence co-creating  just another virtual battlefield to breed human hatred or perpetuate the ‘Divide and Conquer’ mind frames which I initially would react to in an emotional way upon reading such denigrating, defaming,, spiteful, violent and even life threatening comments we would get on a daily basis as a result of what we publish, which is all about life in equality, living rights, what is best for everyone, etc.

So, looking back,  this is what I see as a cool ‘training ground’ when it comes to facing the REAL human nature and not only see the one I had believed in  – such as the good nature one – while being locked in my ‘home bubble’ and my limited environment with limited interactions, where I yes certainly did face bullying and backstabbing from ‘friends’ at an early age, prompting me into quite a ‘depression ‘ at the age of 7, 8 because of not being able to fathom such ‘harm’ imposed toward me from another at first, until I had the support from my mother to realize I did not have to take others words/actions personally – which was great support and led me to become rather independent from sheeple mentality while going through school. I did, however, become somewhat defensive in my personality, I could say that yes I had clear principles but a lot of it was also from the starting point of showing ‘others’ that ‘you can’t mess around with me,’ it worked to a certain extent – but what happens when that ‘veneer’ becomes ‘who you are’ and how one dictates one’s every interaction?

 

I see that the defense-mode that I am able to act out upon in one moment actually stems from acting once again based on past experiences/memories where I still place myself in such ‘defense mode’ meaning being ready to be ‘attacked’ from the moment that I, for example,  read a YouTube comment and so, instead of unconditionally reading the words that a person is placing, I already see where I can ‘find the point they are missing out on’ or what they are ‘defending’ or where they are trying to ‘prove me wrong, so that I can ‘point it out back’ and so this is something that I became used to do back in the day where we were certainly first becoming more aware of what each person implied in their words, which has been supportive nonetheless. But I see that I require to now and from here on step down from continuing that mechanism/way; this actually happened to me yesterday where I did thankfully get feedback from the person that I replied to on YouTube saying: “Marlen? I commented because you right on the money!  Thank You!”  The first word as my name with a question mark implying that they probably didn’t understand why I had replied in such a ‘harsh’ manner. And so I realized that I had come through toward him in the same old ‘attack-mode’ and ‘defense-mode’ instead of just seeing where the person is coming with the comment, what I can agree on as that’s our common ground and then expanding a bit on it without having the starting point of ‘proving him wrong’ or judging his very reply for not considering all points that I see but simply focusing on what I can do to assist and support to expand on the points brought up and create a conversation from there.

Assist and support here are the key points, not to ‘defend my point’ or ‘defend my cause’ because that’s what creates the battlefield on YouTube, but rather keeping it simple when answering back and inviting the person to continue the dialogue instead of wanting ‘them’ to ‘change’ all of a sudden toward Me and what I have to say, as that would be me as ego wanting validation/acceptance from others right away. The same point applies when I have deemed others as being ‘defensive’ toward me and so judging others as ‘being on defense mode’/being on attack-mode but it is really only me projecting my perception upon them because I’ve ‘been there/done that too.

 

So the key here is to then when and as I see myself reading comments, reading/hearing another’s words, I assist and support myself to not go into the predisposition of fighting/ attacking another based on the belief/assumption that ‘they are here to attack me first’ and so, instead allow me to read the comment/words unconditionally, without expectations or already ‘sharpening my knife’ to ‘get back at them,’ as I see that within this starting point I perpetuate the conflict and not allow myself to be really HERE with/as the words written/spoken and so be able to interact/reply back within the consideration of what I can learn from what the person is explaining, what I can learn from them, where I see that I agree upon to also reply back and letting the person know I also see that/agree with it.

This implies: Seeing where there is a point where I can share from my own realizations, self investigations and not only from knowledge and information, all of this within the consideration of placing myself in another’s shoes, taking into consideration the words in one YouTube comment, one email, one conversation and ‘walking with’ to expand on a point of cognitive dissonance, misinformation, belief, or an emotional reaction to the points explained, so that I can also point it out in a considerate non-defensive, non-attacking, non-aggressive manner which means explaining to another a point the same way I would want another to explain it to me: with patience, with humbleness and gentleness so as to be able to let the other person know that I do stand as these principles I talk about at all times, this is who I am and this is the consideration, care, gentleness and humbleness toward others that I commit myself to live by when interacting with them, so as to not come through as ‘me having the truth’ or ‘me having to be always right’ but being also willing to see my faults, my mistakes, where I reacted to another’s words and so take responsibility for such reactions myself.

 

So to not go into ‘denial’ of my actions, which is what the vlog was about in fact wherein I received such comment, here I stand directive of such point which opened up yesterday and so I am directing it here, as I see that if I want to create a world of transparency, integrity and trust, I have to be doing just that myself, seeing, realizing, understanding my mistakes, my reactions, investigate where they ‘come from,’ understand them, self forgive them and most importantly, give myself a new direction as to how I am going to be living these corrections from now on whenever I interact with another.

 

 

Self Forgiveness and Self Correction

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a predisposition of ‘having to defend myself’ when replying to YouTube Comments or replying to others’ words whether written or in a conversation, instead of realizing how I perpetuate my own memories of the past and even from my childhood of how I had to be ‘wary’ of people’s words and actions toward me, which is why I became ‘edgy’ as well, not being able to trust others and as I’ve explained before, this is not about ‘trusting others’ but rather trusting me in being able to read/hear words in stability and be able to support myself unconditionally to interact, reply back within the consideration of what is self-supportive both for ‘them’ and ‘myself’ as two or more individuals establishing a communication and settling the way to create a point of communal understanding – not fighting or ‘proving each other right/wrong’

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize how I am in fact perpetuating the current status quo in our relationships where we have focused so much on the winner/loser mentality, the ‘attacker’ and the ‘attacked,’ the bully and the bullied and where we believe that we constantly have to be ‘defending’ ourselves which can only exist if we are ‘coming from’ a starting point of ego as in seeing others as enemies, as ‘the problem,’ as ‘the ignorant ones and oneself being the ‘right one,’ through which we approach another from the vantage point of seeing another as inferior to myself and so believing that I have to ‘educate them’ with ‘what I know’ instead of being actually grateful that there are people that are still willing to reply in a comment to a YouTube video and so be able to hear/get to know what others’ perspectives on a subject and learn from it, see where we still have to ‘align’ our understanding, what are the main points where there is still a point tampering self-realization,  as well as being willing to correct ourselves if necessary and in the possible measure, being able to support and assist another to expand themselves a bit more – maybe point out some aspects they can do further investigation on, other blogs or vlogs to watch/read and so not immediately ‘showing the way out’ when the entire starting point of commenting by the other individual is to precisely establish communication and be able to continue it in the best possible way.

I realize that in our world nothing will be changing if we do not first focus on being able to get to hear /read one another, see where there is a common ground and build it from there, thus no longer existing in the ‘I’ll prove you wrong’ mentality.

 

I also realize that I have to be aware of not seeing myself as ‘the victim’ that is going to be ‘abused/attacked by others’ as in this position of victimization I then justify my ‘getting back at’ others as in ‘having to defend myself’ which is why in this world we, for example, allow the use and existence of guns, because we give into this mentality that ‘I have to protect myself, I have to be armed’ without first investigating why and what causes this abuse in the first place.

 

I realize that I have to stop projecting my past, and my ‘mind-frame’ that I had built around ‘commenting on YouTube’ as in ‘getting myself  into a battlefield’ and instead, read the comments from the starting point of being able to support myself, to learn from another, to see where I can improve my communication, identify and recognize where I wasn’t clear/what I missed and so expand through this communication instead of already wanting to ‘end’ the interaction by placing a comment that could be seen as ‘sparking up reactions’ which previously I had defined as supportive for the person to ‘face themselves’ but, we are in a different stage in our process so I now apply the point of being gentle and supportive with others, the same way that I would like a ‘stranger’ on YouTube to reply to my messages and comments as well, doing to another what I would like to be done unto in the same situation and in all cases for that matter.

 

I commit myself to use the opportunity of interacting with others either through comments on a website, on a forum, on every day conversations/interactions so that I can expand and support myself while at the same time assisting and supporting another, because it is in these seemingly ‘irrelevant’ or ‘small moments’ that actual windows of opportunity exist to ‘connect’ to others and let them also realize that there are solutions, there are people that do not fall into the usual patterns of the divide and conquer mentality, and so this is what I commit myself to living in all aspects of my everyday living and interactions with people from around the globe through the marvelous platform that the Internet is.

 

I commit myself to redirect my judgments upon others being ‘in a defense mode’ and instead be able to in such moments immediately take the point back to self and direct myself toward another in a way wherein I can apply consideration, humbleness, gentleness to place myself in their shoes so that I am able to best support them and expanding ourselves through using words or even behavior, voice tonality that indicates in stability that I am here, I hear you, I understand you, let’s clarify this/let’s expand on this/ have you considered this point about this that you mentioned here? so that it is and becomes a more ‘inviting’ way to continue interacting with another.

 

I commit myself to walk through my own ‘predisposition’ of being in this ‘defense-mode’ so that I can stand here, clear, open, available and willing to communicate and direct another’s questions and sometimes even curiosity and not fall into the ‘attacking-mode’ but to genuinely be able to consider their starting point and so walk-with, instead of walking-against others.

 

I commit my self to live the realization that ‘the enemy’ is really myself and my own assumption, my own mind, my own projections which means that in practicality I am then going to be open to read/hear words without going into reaction, without already ‘preparing’ my artillery to shoot with a barrage of points that have nothing to do with what was initially said either, but to also keep it simple and ‘grow’ the conversation from there.

 

I commit myself to only reply to comments/written and spoken interactions when I have given myself a ‘moment of clarity’ which means when I have breathed and ensured that I am in fact stable, here, that I am taking responsibility for my initial reactions or starting point toward another, and so be more open, willing and available for genuine communication, ensuring I have no interference/noise as my own reactions preventing me from hearing/reading another unconditionally.

 

I commit myself to ‘take back to self’ any judgments I may had toward ‘others’ as ‘them being the attackers’ or ‘them being in a defense-mode’ as in fact, that would mean me reacting in ego towards ego – lol – so the best way to interact with another is to work with the common sense of looking at words themselves, no assumptions, rather asking what they in fact mean if the point is not clear, but generally not jumping into assumptions, not taking my own knowledge, my own ego into consideration when interacting with others, as that’s where the shifts happen and the divide and conquer mentality is re-created, wherein I perceive that another is ‘not the same as myself’ and so I have to ‘prove them wrong’ according to me, which is where the problem exists.

So I instead commit myself to focus on directing the words, the comments, the situation for what it is, devoid of past grudges, preconditioning, preprogramming of ‘how I deal with others that I perceive are attacking me’ as I then live the realization that the ‘attack’ only exists in my mind as memories and experiences that I create when I take another’s words personally or as ‘going against me’ which is the ego-starting point of reading/hearing another, when we ‘take it personally’ instead of realizing that each one’s words relate to oneself only, and so I take self-responsibility.

 

I commit myself to in fact become a pillar of support for myself and others which means I cannot judge, I cannot avoid another or see them as ‘less than myself’ or as ‘ignorant’ but instead assist and support myself and others to transcend such limitations of the mind to work with what we have as our statements, see what we can agree upon and expand it from there, as Self Support.

 

So instead I am grateful that this point opened up so I could see what I was doing in this interaction and so be able to give it direction here for once and for all – so, thanks Tyler.

 

7.      Living the Principle of Self Awareness – to be aware, to see, to recognize my own thoughts and Mind, to be self honest to the extent where I can take responsibility for when I see my thoughts / Mind is not what is best for me / others and commit to immediately take responsibility and change for myself and so for others

The Desteni of Living – My Declaration of Principle

 

 

To learn more about taking responsibility for one’s mind, one’s reactions, please visit the following sites and join us in our endeavor too:


396. I Think, therefore I Assume

ASSumptions and Self Trust

I realized how in one single moment where I trust my mind and assumptions made in my mind in one single moment of reaction where I jumped into conclusions,  ‘linking the dots’ to assume about another’s’ words/actions, I in that moment actually miss my point of self-trust and instead go into trusting my mind. How many times have I heard: do not trust your mind which means, to not trust any form of reaction, emotion, thought that I am not directly seeing for its full implication such as:

Who am I the moment that I am assuming this point about another? Who am I within ASSuming?

Because it’s really not about another here, it’s about myself being working in my mind in such assumption-mode which is something I had taken for granted actually so it is also cool that this point emerged in such a ‘straight’ manner, where I am able to actually see how I created a rift within a relationship, but more so within myself as in that moment I was not fully here considering all the implications of me thinking/assuming about others which is then part of how we concoct conflicts ‘about others’ but really is only a conflict I create in my mind based on also an accumulation of other assumptions that I also deemed as ‘unimportant,’ not considering the accumulation that takes place when I went assuming things and instead of confronting them with the person, the point then emerged as an automated assumption to fulfill my previous ideas/beliefs about what was going on with others’ lives.

This is also a very pertinent point as I could notice it created the kind of ‘hangover’ I hadn’t experienced in a long time, when you know that you did something that could have had further consequences that I didn’t measure when jumping into these series of thoughts and so, it is also to debunk the ‘perfect world’ that I also have in my head about my relationships with others, and to realize how careful and utmost attention I require to exist as in every moment to Not judge, not go into assumption, not ‘draw conclusions’ based on what I believe/think/perceive about others.

From making such mistake and going into feeling ‘bad’ or ‘guilty’ I would only trap myself in yet another emotion to cloud the actual point to learn here and to take self responsibility for, which is how to be able to stop assumptions that stem from a moment of ‘linking the dots’ according to what in I decided ‘made sense’ based on previous points where I also assumed points about another. So, if anything what I am here to develop is self-trust in a new dimension I hadn’t considered before: being able to trust myself to be Here as breath in every moment to be very aware of any minor reaction but mostly Assumption that’s the key word here as that’s where one draws conclusions without physical proof that things are the way I am ASSuming they are/happened.

 

 

assume
n    verb
1    accept as true without proof.
2    take (responsibility or control).
3    begin to have (a quality, appearance, or extent). Adopt falsely.

 

So there’s a few points to self-forgive here:

1. Not being here in the moment when I quickly jumped into conclusions and assuming something about others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume which is to accept a thought, a reaction, an experience within me as ‘true’ and as such trust my thoughts, my reactions, my experience instead of being fully present here and able to assess every single thought that I accept and allow to exist within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make of ‘assumption’ which is a rather unfortunately common way to quickly draw conclusions and ‘make up my mind’ about something/someone without actually proving it myself, gathering the actual information, cross referencing it, communicating with the person or in the situation I am creating any form of assumption about and as such I realize that assuming is nothing else but a fancy way to name lying/lies wherein I accept myself to concoct and fabricate a lie to myself in order to prove other lies to me which I have also created/drawn about something/someone

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever FEEL certain about ‘my assumptions’ and within this not realizing that I am placing trust into my thoughts, my Feelings, my emotions, my mind instead of first actually Stopping and looking at what am I actually doing to myself when I assume or rather create/fabricate ideas/beliefs/perceptions about something/someone  which are in essence lies in order to prove a point that I have ‘assumed’ about something/someone – which doesn’t make sense as I am relying on a self-concocted lie to then make myself ‘right’ about what I had actually also created as a judgment, a belief, a perception about something or someone previously – which means: it was all a lie that I actually made myself believe as true without measuring the consequences of how I in fact was affecting my relationship with another without openly talking about it.

 

  • 2. Not realizing that it wasn’t about me ‘not trusting’ another but rather me trusting my mind and my assumptions based on what I also had been accumulating as other assumptions which I didn’t really confront and communicated directly with the person I was assuming things about – therefore missing out the essential point of living the word frankness and being direct when it comes to rather communicating about something instead of leaving points accumulate within me as Assumptions that I didn’t communicate, which then caused me to easily jump into conclusions based on previous moments where I also jumped into conclusions/assumed and thus considered that I could not trust someone any longer.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to jump into conclusions and assume about the reason behind another’s actions based on what I had also assumed about others’ lives/actions/words which implies that I had already allowed my self to be assuming/be lying to myself, be making up ideas and beliefs as to why something/someone exists/does something in a certain manner which actually can only point out to myself what actually still exists within me, which I covered up with the line ‘I don’t like being lied to’ and creating a reaction of ‘feeling cheated’ in that moment, but I didn’t even realize that it was all really me creating this all within me, not realizing I created the assumptions/the lies within me in that split second based on me accumulating previous assumptions that I hadn’t actually communicated and confronted which is why it was so easy for me to just continue the assumptions because I had done it in the past and ‘let it be’ without actually scrutinizing the point myself and being critical about what is it that I am actually accepting and allowing to exist within me – which is then entirely me assuming my responsibility to my mind/my thoughts/ my experience instead of diverting it toward another, which is the way to abdicate my own responsibility to my own thoughts in the first place.

 

I realize that in the past in relationships with people I have allowed myself to keep quiet in relationships which had already lead me to relationship failures, wherein the moment I don’t actually open up and confront the point with another which is what I would like others to do onto myself, I am actually being the starting point of my own self-agreement failure as I am not being entirely self-honest to myself to First even before confronting the ‘assumption’ with another, first question my own assumption, see where I am gathering the information from, what are my foundations for it, what is the proof that I have for what I am assuming first – so that I then first ensure that I am the one that takes self-responsibility for myself, my thoughts, my mind and once I have cleared myself from any reaction or lies/assumptions created about another, but instead realize that I do have some points to confront and reference with others, then I simply direct myself to communicate and open it up instead of allowing these points to accumulate and kind of go ‘rotting’ in the background as this is where and how then going into further assumptions, reactions becomes more automated based on the string-of-lies and assumptions about something/someone.

Therefore I commit myself to live myself first what I would like others to do onto me too, which is to be upfront, clear, frank, directive, transparent which are words I have to first and foremost not to ‘ask’ from others, but to live these words myself within my own self-relationship with in turn then will be my relationship toward any other individual as well as who I am.

 

Here is then where I take/assume absolute responsibility wherein instead of assuming /lying to myself, drawing conclusions, making up ‘my mind’ about something or someone, I rather live the word assumption as assuming/taking the responsibility to ensure that I am first here, stable within myself and as such ensure that every word that I am creating in my mind has a clear starting point and is entirely self-directive, as I see that an accumulation of lies which I allowed to exist within me as assumptions then become a more automated form of lying which I didn’t question within me first, and so then actually exists as a point of abuse toward others coming from me within creating an experience of distrust or assuming ‘I am being lied to’ without realizing that the actual lie, the actual problem exists within me as an assumption in itself where I lie to myself about what I believe/think/perceive about another which is actually entirely existent in my own mind –therefore

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in a form of righteousness whenever I had assumed things wherein I then trust my lies/my mind going into assumption about things/people without actually investigating the point for myself, without actually rather confronting any misunderstanding with another through communication as I see and realize that if I apparently ‘don’t like lies/don’t like to lie’ which is one of the points I have placed within me as ‘virtue’ – without seeing that in fact this is just another form of ‘honesty’ card as the ‘system honesty’ because I missed the actual SELF-Honesty which is first questioning the validity, the substance and how acceptable my own thoughts and reactions are in my own mind, which is the first point of self-honesty missed when believing that ‘I am being lied to’ as this thought already implies I am actually the one lying to myself by hearing/placing trust in a thought that I have created in absolute irresponsibility, which means I didn’t assume my responsibility upon my own thought-creation that lead to assumptions about something/someone.

 

 

  • 3. I haven’t realized that this is really not about being able to trust another, but rather how I didn’t live self-trust fully to instead of assuming/jumping into conclusions in My mind to instead rather communicate it, to create an agreement of communication which will ensure that any relationships with others will be then like a fish tank: fully visible as there is nothing to hide, no backchats created as that is what creates the fracturing of any relationship, and within my self-agreement I have committed myself to be able to have transparent, integral relationships with every individual, which means having no secrets, no hidden agendas toward one another, no judgment, no backchat, no emotion or assumptions about others.

 

Missed Breaths 08

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to actually realize that I cannot ‘lose trust on another’ as there is really no ‘another’ but myself that creates such distrust by trusting my own mind, my own assumptions, my own beliefs which I have righteously created upon not actually communicating and opening up points that I’ve looked at but didn’t communicate, which is how one goes festering ‘little points’ over time which become yet more lies and more ‘reasons’ to assume/believe things about myself/others which is entirely existent in my own mind and as such, it is myself that has to ensure that I can instead trust myself  – which means that

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that I cannot trust myself whenever I am assuming, whenever I am reacting, whenever I am creating doubt/uncertainty/reactions toward another which I am not directly referencing Within and for myself first to see the validity of my thoughts, my experiences and if I then have sufficient proof, reason, foundation for what I am considering is something to point out in a relationship with another, then I pull up my socks and confront the situation as I realize that it is actually quite dishonest to not open up points as they come up, as these points then go accumulating and creating further unspoken assumptions/reactions which certainly creates a rift within my self and from myself toward others, which is entirely unnecessary when we are in fact able to communicate and be open about any point or situation that I see emerged within me and so

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to eve fear confronting something or someone about my own assumptions which is rather a self-sabotage point because by confronting my own assumptions then the lies would be able to be spotted easier –but, the moment ‘I keep quiet’ that’s when the same pattern repeats: I don’t speak, further assumptions are created and so I create and give energy/attention to lies, to assumptions instead of immediately opening the point up and communicating about it.

 

Most importantly I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to live self-trust fully as I realize now how whenever I am assuming I cannot and I am not in fact living self-trust because I am thinking/assuming/linking dots based on what I read/ get to know or perceive which is entirely subjective and self-created upon premises that I have also defined in a certain manner so that it fits ‘my assumption’ which is then entirely self-deceptive first and foremost.

 

When and as I see myself jumping into conclusions, assuming what’s going on with something/someone I stop and I breathe, I ensure that I am back into physical reality and focus on myself, questioning what is it exactly that I am accepting and allowing to exist within me toward myself and toward others? And within this simply stop continuing assuming and instead, rather immediately referencing the point instead of allowing it to ‘pass’ because I see that allowing things to ‘pass’ it’s actually just an allowance of having points remain undirected, unsolved, which is another way of saying: I am not taking responsibility for my own reactions, assumptions beliefs about something/someone in one moment, which is what creates the problem in the first place: when I allow lies/assumptions to exist within me and go ‘unnoticed’ and neglecting the responsibility I have to every single thought, movement, experience that I have in my mind and that No thought, no reaction, no experience can be righteous or justified.

When and as I see myself once again ever going into the backchat ‘I don’t like being lied to’ – I stop and I breathe – And I bring myself HERE to realize that I am the one lying to myself first by being self-dishonest and being creating a reaction upon my own thoughts and so, instead focus on looking at the point objectively so that I can then see what do I need to cross reference in order to ensure I am not assuming, and so confront the point or situation in the moment.

I see and realize that I have to practice that ability to be more directive in the moment which means not allowing something to ‘go by’ and allow it to just ‘pass’ as this is me not taking responsibility for what I created in my mind.

 

Therefore I commit myself to actually develop first self-trust wherein I am able to ensure that every single thought I have I can be certain it is self-directive and that I am fully here as I utilize my mind constructively to direct myself, to clarify situations, to open up and cross-reference with others, as that is then the way wherein I can ensure that I can trust myself in relationship to others which means: I can trust myself that I won’t create lies/assumptions about something/someone – but instead focus on investigating, taking/assuming responsibility to myself, my mind, my reactions and so within this, it will invariably and by default will also be easier to confront/expose/open up a point with others as I am then having the openness lived by myself first, which is the self-agreement at all times, to not see ‘others’ as the problem but always self, always taking the point back to myself.

 

I commit myself to ensure that I remain clear and stable no matter what, no matter how even something that I believe is a problem exists in reality, as we do live in a reality where things are not ‘easy’ or ‘smooth ‘ or ‘without problems’ because this entire world, our relationships and our lack of self-responsibility to our own minds is what has created the nature of a problematic world – therefore, instead of seeing this as a ‘big point’ I realize that I have to instead use this as a flag point to become aware of any other moment where I see myself assuming things about something/someone, quiet myself in that moment and focus on MYSELF and stopping lying/ deceiving and being self-dishonest within me accepting and allowing such assumptions/backchat about something/someone and instead focus on seeing the point and then looking how I am going to direct it, assuming my responsibility to my words, my mind, my actions and inactions.

 

I commit myself to also not continue ‘bashing’ myself for committing this mistake of assuming a lot about something/someone as that guilt/remorse is only an experience that also prevent us from directly spotting the responsibility within it all, so I instead focus on my responsibility to every word, every reaction I create and rather focus on preventing/stopping any reaction from existing within me in any given moment wherein I observe something/someone and go into believing that ‘I know’ why something/someone happens/does something as this is entirely self-referential which means: it has nothing to do ‘with others’ but rather upon myself and what I do or don’t do.

 

 

Pointing back at me

 

Interviews:

 

To Develop Self-Honesty and Learn how to live a Self-Agreement to be able to Trust ourselves, investigate:

394. When Calling out Abuse turns into Abuse itself

When the Offender becomes the Offended

Continuing from:

 

In an attempt to ‘save an animal from suffering’ according to me, I created further consequences which I completely disregarded when I in one moment saw the common sense of feeding a dog that was barking for hours on which I came to find eating his own feces while being short-chained to a pole inside his owner’s house. Little did I consider that I was ‘infringing private property’ when being opened the door by, let’s call it ‘a tenant’ of the owner’s house through which I got access to give food to the dog and so stop him from wailing over hours end. His water covered with a plastic plate and he had begun to lick his own feces to what I believe was to mitigate his hunger.
At the sight of this, I ran to my house and got food for him, gave it to him until I was satisfied that he had stopped wailing/barking asking for food. So, where were the owners? It’s not the first time this happens which is why I decided to ‘take the matter in my own hands’ without realizing that later on I would have the backlash of a threat by the owners, saying I was barging into private property, attacking their child and directly affecting the neighbor that leases the space from the dog owners, who also happens to be a lawyer.

An hour or so afterward  I saw when another member of the house got in and so I ran to tell her how inhumane it is to leave the dog that way and if she would like to be tied to a pole and be so hungry that she would resort to licking her own feces – she agreed it is not. There was a kid with her, around 8-9 years old that is ‘the responsible’ one because he’s got the duty to feed the dog and didn’t feed him because ‘he could not find the scissors.’ I repeated the same thing to him: Would YOU like to be that dog tied to the pole and having no food or water so that you resort to lick and eat your own poo? He said no and so I said then why are you treating your dog that way? Well, apparently the child got scared and complained  to his parents about what I said.

This then turned into a third scenario where I got both parents coming at my door, quite pissed off telling me how dare I talk like that to their child? I repeated the same words, the same expression to them and within the context and reason for it of leaving a dog that certainly has no voice to ask for food without being fed and wailing for hours end to the point where it is unbearable – and I had a live conference starting soon which would come through if he would have remained without eating according to me.

Mother admits ‘You might be right on that’ about not feeding the dog…. BUT! how dare I talk to her child like that? Oh well, I see no problem on that, who else will let the child know the consequences of his irresponsibility if it’s not pointed out by the creators of the child of course, the parents in this case?

 

So here a few points for context. The reality of the matter is that there is an innumerable quantity of beings that are going hungry and just because they don’t bark and wail, I don’t go trying to ‘rescue them.’ The reality is in fact that the noise was so unbearable to me that I reacted to the incessant barking, just like when listening to children being hit and yelled at by the parents next door – but there I cannot go knock the door and ‘save the children’ nor do I want to, because I understand the generational abuse we’ve all become as human beings wherein parents only learn how to ‘educate’ with slaps and screaming at children – but, according to ‘me’ to do this ‘against an animal’ that means an innocent/voiceless individual that cannot have his own lawyer to sue the irresponsible owners for ‘not being fed’ and left alone at home tied with a 50 cms chain to a pole, and so eating his own feces, is simply unacceptable. That is actually the me as the ‘savior’ talking about what I come to become aware of, because this is also happening to human beings and virtually every living being that is being deprived of any form of dignity and living rights, resorting to do the unimaginable just to calm the pain from hunger and finding some form of security – have I then gone and immediately ‘sorted out the problem? No

More so: was my 10 minute visit to the dog to feed him going to solve the problem? No, because I’m not the owner of the dog and as such I have no direct control as to whether he’s going to be fed properly from here on either.

 

What I actually reacted the most is seeing such hideous view of the skinny dog licking his feces, but I would not have known if it hadn’t been initially triggered by the high pitched barking that I was being annoyed with and pondering why is no one seeing what is wrong with him? And yes, it seems it has become part of the ‘soundtrack’ around here wherein it no longer raises questions as to why dogs bark that way – and here it is to realize it is the result of an entire socioeconomic situation where poor/lower class means less ‘education’ about how to educate themselves, their children and consequently how to handle pets/animals and so treating them with the meaning of ‘animal’ which is contextually and culturally accepted as ‘less than’ or less of a living being, which is  perplexing, but I realized this when drawing the parallel between a human and a dog and having people almost not consider at all that the dog is a sentient living being just like themselves …..

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to blame people for being so abusive and inconsiderate to their animals, without placing this situation into context as to  seeing the environment they are living in, the entire socioeconomic and educational context, the information or the lack of it in order to take ‘good care’ of animals wherein I complain about ‘the abuse that others commit unto their animals’ without first considering how it is in fact a collective abuse that I am also a part of as I am also an equal part of everything and everyone that is here

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge people as negligent while being angry at them for leaving the dog without any food or accessible water, without realizing that in fact the first trigger was the high pitch barking and that with this sound I was actually first getting annoyed and rather concerned about ‘what could be happening to him that he’s wailing and barking so much?’ which was then in part knowing that he might be hungry, but also wanting him to shut up, which means that

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to admit that I actually first got more annoyed by the dog barking than being genuinely concerned about him being unfed as this was only realized afterward when I peeked into the house and saw him licking his feces, which is when I then triggered the anger due to the ‘inconsiderate owners’ that leave their pet to starve – without wanting to draw the parallel for myself to see how I as a member of this humanity, of everything and everyone that is here, I’ve committed the same atrocity in justifying, excusing and accepting the normalcy of poverty, of hunger and of crimes against life that go beyond not providing food to beings, but actually the entire disenfranchisement from each other’s living right to live in dignity, and more so toward the beings we share the Earth with as all the animals that we’ve enslaved for our benefit.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my self to place myself in the character of ‘the savior’ and the ‘good and righteous one’ wherein I absolutely ignored potential consequences of doing what I believe is ‘right’ without considering the current structure and general considerations of the world-system I am still living into, where all ways of avoiding taking responsibility at a legal manner can be used against me, instead of rather recognizing the fault and remediate it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to after the event happened I said to myself I haven’t learned a thing, I did it again’ because I had previous experiences of seeing animal abuse specifically toward dogs and then confronting their owners, in which I sometimes placed myself in rather risky situations because of not knowing how the ‘owners’ will react to me confronting them with the question of ‘would you like to be treated like that if you were a dog?’ and so, within this I have to once again realize that even if this time I wasn’t with the owners and believing that I was doing a ‘good thing’ by feeding him, even expecting to be ‘thanked’ by the owners, this is only me and my mind because no one really likes to be told about their mistakes and faults, and so it was rather negligent by myself to involve other individuals in this situation without Any regard to the actual consequences, taking others minds into consideration and this went on just because I only considered ‘feeding the dog’ as a ‘good thing’ and so having him shut up as ‘fulfilling my point’ with the situation.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to once again as I was talking to the neighbor, one of the ‘owners’ but not the direct owner of the dog, I went into yelling at the end based on seeing that they didn’t respond in any sort of ‘shame’ or ‘regret’ that I was expecting from them upon hearing that their dog was eating their own feces because he wasn’t fed

I realize that I actually then was attempting to have them react in order to believe that ‘they would feel bad and so learn the lesson to not leave their dog unfed’ – but, the reality is that they seemed to not care that much  about it, and simply responding that no they would not like to be in the dog’s shoes but essentially shutting the door at me, which is why I got yelling and pissed off at them saying I would call to animal services for a legal complain if this went on again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my anger in that moment was justified because ‘they were ignoring me and my complain about THEIR abuse’ which is in fact simply ‘they were ignoring ME’ and so this is why I reacted with anger

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a shocked and rather upset experience when seeing how the owner had taken the point I explained about the dog and how they used it only to come and ‘get back at me’ for apparently attacking their child, which is obviously non sense if by ‘attack’ they mean me asking the boy if he’d like to be tied to a pole and having to eat his feces as food for lacking any real food – within this pondering what can be so shocking about a human doing that if they are allowing their dog to do that, so why are dogs not seen as equals as humans? Not realizing that in this assessment I was rather naively considering that human beings regularly see animals as equals to humans, which is really not the case yet at all, so

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get pissed off at the mother of the child when my words were seen as an ‘attack’ because of describing the scene of their dog and placing their son in the position of the dog as a parallel to understand his irresponsibility,  which to me seems like the most normal thing to do, but I ‘forgot’ to consider other human beings’ mentalities where they do not yet see and consider animals as one and equal to human beings and instead parents take any word given to their children very personally, so

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not actually look back at myself and how I once was also a child that was taught to leave dogs outside and really see them as beings I had to consider as inferior even though I actually thought they would also ‘feel’ – which in turn got me into believing that dogs shouldn’t be eating along with humans, dogs shouldn’t be sitting on tables or any other animal for that matter and seeing them as ‘filthy’ because that is what I also as a child got to learn about animals and so also then creating my own superiority and inferiority scheme toward animals myself.

I realize that to me it has taken a long process to be able to equalize myself to animals, to pass from the fear toward animals, the disgust toward animals, to the consideration of animals as equals as myself. Therefore what I’ve also pondered is how by me reacting in such a way toward certain situations of animal abuse, it is me really trying to make up for my previous ideas and beliefs of animals being inferior, filthy, less worthy beings than human beings which is how I was taught to treat animals as well, therefore

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to victimize the dog in an attempt to make the owners feel bad about their dog, without realizing that in this only managing the situation at an emotional level, I am only trying to manipulate people to consider common sense while wanting them to feel bad about it, instead of realizing that I could have explained it within a more stable manner which is where I still have to work on when it comes to seeing a point of abuse and not justifying my anger due to ‘the abuse’ as this will only put people’s guard on and so create an even greater conflict, instead of having managed the situation in a much more subtle and calmed-down manner, which means in stability, pointing out the situation without directly ‘blaming’ them.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my anger toward neighbors based on the abuse that I see that they have imposed onto their dog as a result of what I’ve called negligence and simple carelessness toward their dog, without realizing that I through this judgment I then separate myself from the abuse imposed, not realizing that I have also been negligent toward life in many many forms and ways on a daily basis, even in an unawareness point as I am a part of everything and everyone that is here and this world is nothing else but the equation of abuse that we are all living in and co-existing in because we have are so separated from life itself, that we are barely or not even aware at all of all the consequences and abuse that we cause each other on a daily basis, not only through evident things like leaving over 30 thousand children to starve each day, but the multiple relationships of abuse with which we have ensured we don’t even regard, consider each other as equals to begin with, like money as a belief system that supports inequality and greed for example.

 

I realize that by becoming so enraged with a point of abuse, I am only utilizing it as a point to lash out on my own accumulated anger at the problems, the abuse that I see around here and had accumulated from hearing the neighbors yelling or probably hitting their children, alcohol abuse, no regard toward neighbors, no regard toward having animals in a suitable condition and generally the complacency and law of least effort that I have judged this environment I’m living in with, wherein I continually ‘lose faith in humanity’ when observing at people’s actions, words, bodies, deeds, ways of interacting and so within this building up an unspoken frustration and annoyance about ‘them’ and ‘the world’ without realizing that such experiences only exist within me first and so they are MY responsibility to take care of and stop fueling within me such experiences, and so continue directing myself to be a point of support for any individual that does want to support and assist themselves as myself to become better human beings.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be affected by my environment at the level wherein I act irrationally and not consider all outflows and potential points that could open up by me doing something that ‘I’ have defined as ‘good’ and as something that will benefit a suffering individual, without realizing that in this, I am in fact only looking at me-myself and actually my self-interest because I have only wanted to ensure that I can get the dog quiet and get the environment without so much noise that was coming from various parts, which I have taken as an excuse to get angry at the noise that actually only bothers me in fact, therefore

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be bothered by noises like dogs barking, music from neighbors and so not really being entirely living up to my commitments to remain stable while listening to noises around me, and allowing me to be unsettled when children cry, when dogs bark, when music is on and so going into a victimized state of ‘the environment that annoys me’ instead of realizing that the reactions all stem from me and as such I am the only one that can take responsibility for myself to remain stable without being affected by noises outside.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into guilt within the possibility of the child really feeling attacked by me, and in this realizing that guilt does nothing but instead the actual solution would be to simply let go of it and rather confront the child and explain why I said such words and as such be able to explain that my intention was not that of an attack, but rather of a direct illustration of what his dog was going through just because he couldn’t feed him.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘bash’ myself with all the past 3 memories of talking directly to dog owners about the abuse that I saw they were inflicting on their dogs, wherein I simply believe that ‘I can’t stop myself’ from doing something upon witnessing such dog abuse’ – though, if I look at it closely, this entire reality is in fact the sole manifestation of abuse and harm and neglect toward one another at levels that have become unfortunately invisible to all of us, therefore I realize that I am an equal part of this collective negligence that I’ve simply attached an emotional reaction to in order to make myself the ‘righteous’ one, the one that ‘sees the abuse’ specifically keeping an irregular eye on ‘dogs’ and ‘dog abuse’ without realizing that I am doing nothing really when it comes to first stopping the abuse within myself completely as the emotional reaction upon abuse, and so giving myself a moment to consider the ‘greater perspective’ and the context of such point of ‘abuse’ so that I can consider all the outcomes, possible outflows of me exposing a point of abuse within the confrontation with the owners.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in a world where beings can be ‘owned’ and as such being so separate from everything that is here that dogs cannot even be heard or understood by people, which is yet another outflow of us only living in our little bubbles in the mind in self-interest which is then where I see my point of abuse actually still exists in.

 

Here I have to realize that I am in this world system wherein there are greater ways to ‘get back at someone’ for something, rather than doing any real form of ‘justice’ as we haven’t even really lived justice within ourselves as individuals that have a mind and a body that should exist within the alignment and principle of what is best for all, and we haven’t done that at all just yet – therefore, how can I ask such principles and considerations to others if I haven’t yet lived by those myself?

Now, within the context of the abuse toward the dog. It is so, it is a form of abuse however there could have been other ways for me to expose the situation and solve the problem, therefore:

When and as I see myself building up a reaction of annoyance upon hearing the dog barking and wailing and having an experience of frustration and irritation about the dog’s sound – I stop myself, and I breathe – and I practice on remaining stable so as to not make the dog’s sound a ‘noise’ within myself as something ‘disturbing’ and instead focus on how I can rather be stable within me regardless of dogs barking, babies/children crying incessantly or loud music playing around.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to just now think ‘that’s a real challenge’ which in this I am already ‘giving into ‘ failing at my correction and believing that the noises, dogs barking loudly and incessantly, babies crying and children yelling incessantly is something ‘I just cannot stop reacting to’ which is here then believing that my mind and my reactions are more powerful than my ability to remain stable which then is something that I have to commit myself to prove to myself, that I can remain stable even with the most constant sounds around me, which is something I haven’t yet fully committed myself to live by.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define children crying as annoying and irritable, without considering that in fact what I get most reactive about is the behaviors and abuse that triggers it such as parents hitting or yelling at the children – and in this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react at a situation of parental abuse, without realizing that this is a point that will take time to sort out in humanity as we’ve lived generation after generation with the same patterns and mentality of parents as children’s authority and that ‘education’ equals yelling, hitting, screaming, threatening and instilling fear, which is pretty much the way the entire world system operates wherein we’ve learned that we can only exist within a relationship of oppression and having to obey upon the threat of punishment.

Therefore I realize that I have to stop reacting to any point of abuse either toward animals or children as the most evident forms of abuse that I see around me, because within this I am also singling them out and neglecting the overall abuse that we create and participate in every single day beginning with the participation in the dictatorship of my mind, my experiences and belief systems that affect each other equally, such as the money system, the political system, the self-religion systems and personalities in which we have all abdicated our responsibility to life and instead have kept each other in bubbles, fighting each other instead of realizing that the more we fight and complain and get angry at each other, the more we miss out the point of recognizing a point of abuse as ourselves and so focusing on rather creating ways to make each other aware of the situation, create solutions and recognize equal responsibility to all forms of abuse that we tend to ‘point out’ only toward others, neglecting the fact that it is oneself doing and imposing such abuse, as we are all in fact one and equal.

 

When and as I see myself wanting to go and ‘solve a problem’ wherein I have to  practically go an enter someone else’s house and intend to give food to a dog I don’t know even his eating habit, I stop and I breathe – I realize that in this I am in fact becoming possessed by my urgency to simply ‘get rid of the barking’ which happens in a similar manner when I attempt to go and ask neighbors to shut up, because I have to now consider what invading private property is and the consequences thereof, who I get involved into my desire to ‘solve the problem’ and as such cause them conflicts and potential loss just because of wanting them to be participating in what I see is a ‘good deed’ such as feeding a hungry dog and ignoring even the fact that I was really not allowed in with permission, nor did I consider the fact that the dog could have been allergic to some of the foods I gave him.

Therefore I commit myself to rather first stabilize myself, ensure that I am stable instead of acting based on reaction or wanting to get rid of ‘the annoyance’ – then I can if I see that the dog is barking incessantly, then I can go and knock the door and ask politely if the dog is doing well because I hear him barking and wailing too much. If the owners are not at home, then I simply have to wait and see if they arrive – if not then I can ask other neighbors around to see if they know what to do in such cases or if there is anyone that is allowed to feed the animal. If not, then I would resort to asking the same neighbors to simply give him something to eat, and not enter myself into the house. If this doesn’t work and the situation is going on for several hours then I will call animal services to ask for them as a legal authority to witness the point of abuse.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that within me wanting to ‘call out a point of abuse’ I actually also involved others that initially would not have involved themselves in the situation, and all because I heard the dog barking loudly and I wanted some silence because I required to record. I realize that I have to be able to slow myself down even when I am witnessing the most hideous form of abuse going on and to ensure I am not acting based on reaction or desperation and justifying my ‘doing all I can’ due to seeing a point of abuse, as in that I am not measuring the contextual consequences, but only looking within the limited range scope of ‘soothing the animal’s pain’ and also having him shut up, which is the point of self interest that I also commit myself to not react to, and instead place the point of abuse into context, seeing beyond the most ‘obvious’ forms of abused I’ve usually made it ‘normal’ to react to, such as abuse toward children from their parents and abuse toward animals, mostly dogs by their owners.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to charge the word ‘abuse’ as negative and within this charge then justifying any and all actions that I then ‘take on’ in order to stop this point of defined abuse with a negative charge, which means that in this, what I will do to ‘fix the problem’ is charged in a positive manner, without realizing that I am only reacting to the situation at an emotional level and as such not really placing into context the point of abuse and who is involved so that I can first dialogue with people and whoever is involved in the situation, before making the abrupt and rather irresponsible decisions that do have consequences that I had not at all considered, such as people complaining about barging into private property and threatening with a legal case upon this, which is of course another form of instilling fear which is the same fear we have become so used to reacting in order to comply to the roles we have endowed with a form of ‘superiority’ and ‘power’ over others, such as lawyers

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to in the moment when I heard the father saying that he’s a lawyer go into a reaction of fearing consequences if he decides to act upon the situation, not realizing that this fear only comes from the idea of a lawyer and how as a child I would see the lawyers as the defenders of either the ‘bad side’ or ‘the good side’ according to who’s paying them and so, going into later on the whole reaction toward the ‘justice’ that exists in this world where the ones that have the most influences and positions of power are the ones that will most likely decide ‘who is right’ and ‘who’s the culprit’ based on convenience without any real common sense and consideration for the people.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to react with disbelief when it comes to realizing how a point of ‘calling out the abuse on another’ suddenly turned into a potential consequence for me, without realizing that in this I am participating into fear of ‘what will happen’ but also, neglecting the first point of abuse which is what is the main point within this all which is what triggered all the other reactions which is: animal abuse

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have the right to be angry toward animal abuse, not realizing that animals as every other part of this reality and existence are also part of myself, my responsibility and so it is not to see only as ‘certain individuals’ as the culprits within this, but rather understand the relationships of abuse that we’ve created within the very words we speak, and so within the systems we create with which we have allowed ourselves to be directed and controlled by, just because we had all neglected and not even considered taking responsibility for ourselves and our own creation.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to access the memories of previous moments where I witnessed dog abuse and use that as a way to bash me and say how I haven’t changed at all because I still reacted to the dog being abused, without realizing that in this I am neglecting everything else of myself and bashing me because of ‘failing’ at applying myself within the correction of not giving into anger upon witnessing animal abuse – specifically dogs being abused by their owners – and remaining stable – which is then something that I do not have to feel bad about, but simply see where and how I am still missing that moment, that point of stopping myself from wanting to expose the abuse or take the matter into my own hands, as that is essentially also based on solving the abuse so that ‘I’ don’t have to either witness it or ‘feel bad about it’ or be ‘annoyed’ by it, which is then once again proof that I have mostly only cared about that which directly affects me and that it is within this selfishness that the ‘caring for another living being’ also started.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘feel better’ about myself after feeding the dog, as if that was going to ‘change the dog’s life’ or reality when in fact I gave it from the starting point of wanting him to shut up and so stopping licking his own feces, which is something that still isn’t entirely based on ‘supporting another’ but rather stemming from me and my need for the dog to keep quiet, which is self-interest.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as an authority that can ‘call on’ abuse to others upon witnessing it, without realizing that I haven’t yet become that for myself absolutely and so I am in no way able to be the ‘authority’ toward others and believe that I am ‘doing the right thing’ when my starting point for calling out the abuse is to actually inflict some fear and regret so that they can actually change, therefore I realize that If I create a reaction within people, then there’s less possibility for them to actually listen to that point as they go into defense mode, therefore

When and as I see myself wanting to talk to another about a point of abuse I consider is ‘their responsibility’ I stop and I breathe and I look at how I can approach the situation in a way wherein I place myself in their shoes as well and approach them the way I would like to be approached if  I was the one creating such problem. This doesn’t mean be too condescending either, but simply without the tonality of being demanding and showing anger at them in an attempt to make them feel bad, but rather in a very direct and stable manner point out the abuse, then see if they/we would want to be in the shoes of dogs and so consider that next time they plan on leaving the house – which is then giving context to the abuse and seeing the importance of taking care of animals. I did manage to do this at first but upon seeing their reactions, I then escalated the drama to make them react so

When and as I see myself wanting to see people feeling bad and feel guilty about their actions, I stop and I breathe – I realize that within this I compromise myself upon wanting people to react which in turn I use to escalate the situation by becoming angry ‘at them’ which won’t change the situation at all – therefore I only focus on remaining stable no matter how hideous the situation is, as I now have to take into consideration them, their minds, their ability to ‘get back at me’ if they feel offended as well and so I ensure I do not attack, do not show emotion but simply point out the abuse for what it is in stability.

 

I realize that I might say ‘well they should have known by now how to care about the animal’ but, how many times have I told myself I have to be ‘stable when witnessing animal abuse’ and still fell for the reaction of it and even if I was more stable, still justifying my actions within the context of doing a favor for the owners and the dog and also as an attempt to stop the dog from barking which was the reason why I felt that I could not wait any longer for me to establish proper communication with the owners of the dog.

 

When and as I see myself reacting upon dog abuse /animal abuse,. I stop and I breathe – I commit myself to place this abuse into context and realizing that I have reduced ‘abuse’ to only children and animals, without realizing that it is all our relationships that exist at the moment as they exist are founded upon abuse. Therefore, I commit myself to stop diminishing abuse to a few living beings and instead rather place into context the abuse, how and why it exists, take into consideration other people’s minds, their predictable reactions and really consider all of this before making any decision on what I will do to stop or prevent the situation, otherwise I become part of the chain of abuse wherein my ‘calling out for abuse’ is then seen as an abuse in itself, based on the reaction that I created at the end of my complain, which is how I also realize that emotions will only ever escalate and complicate the problems and offer no solutions at all.

 

Therefore I commit myself to remain stable whenever I witness any point of abuse as I realize that if I react, then I miss out the actual moment to contextualize the point of abuse, see who is involved, assess what I am aiming at doing about it, how I could get potentially affected in a vendetta manner if calling out such abuse and also ensure that as I communicate with those directly involved in the point of abuse, I remain stable and considerate toward their own reactions, their minds, their beliefs, their contexts which I might not be fully looking at, understanding or even conceiving at the moment.

 

I commit myself to mostly practice remaining stable and in self-honesty whenever I hear the dogs barking and wailing incessantly, when children or babies are crying, when loud music is playing as all of these are points that lead to a form of abuse linked to it such as parental abuse with the crying and alcohol/drug abuse with the loud music, which is where I then have to stop judging such habits and behaviors, and instead rather stop my own emotions that are in fact the same source and cause of the emotional experiences and behaviors I am in fact initially reacting about.

 

I realize that yes, any abuse is always self abuse and so reacting with an energetic experiences Is in fact the first abuse – but even if one is stable while ‘calling out the abuse,’ it’s very important to consider the ‘offender’s’ mentality, their possible reactions and also stick to ‘the margin’ when it comes to not getting into people’s houses if not being directly invited in for example and now integrate possible legal consequences within everything that I do as that’s another way in which we have imprisoned ourselves in our system: through a two tier justice system where real crimes against humanity are not even part of the ‘files’ in courts around the world, but have only reduced abuse to the one we see ourselves as human beings being affected by, without realizing that it is actually not about ‘me’ but about everything, everyone, each relationship we form that determines the nature of ‘our ways’ in which we relate to other human beings, animals and this entire world that is equally alive.

 

 

To learn more on how to prevent and stop Self-Abuse, visit:


392. Why are Emotional Relationships a Fuckup?

Continuing from:

 

“So the disillusionment with arts have to do with My Own expectations about it. How I thought that this was ‘the way’ to change the world and of course I didn’t follow through with ‘becoming an artist’ in the traditional sense which I then perceived as myself already ‘opting out’ of it all and seeing the sheer idea of dedicating myself to ‘create art’ as utterly selfish, without realizing how much I had desired ‘that’ to be my reality before. I’ve also been recently sharing about these points with people, explaining how I’m not proud of the decisions I made earlier on in my life and how I would not recommend anyone to study arts. I do however not say ‘don’t study arts’ but simply place my own expectations, my own experience, my decision to do something else and how such studies were a nice platform but not real tools that I can apply to what I am doing now.” From 387. The Love/Hate Relationship with Art

 

Nostalghia

 

Facing Myself, my Relationships through the Relationship with Art

I suggest to read:  What does it Mean to Have a Relationship with Oneself? – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 608 by Andrew Gable

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my relationships based on emotions and feelings wherein it doesn’t matter whether it is arts or a person or a responsibility or a place, the moment that I create emotional and feeling attachments to places/people/objects/professions then I begin creating my own trap through definitions based on what I believe that ‘I like’ and what I believe is ‘my thing’ based on nothing else but emotions, feelings, experiences that I went attaching toward something/someone over time, and then believing that I am in fact all of these experiences, emotions and feelings in relation to something or someone, without realizing that such experiences cannot define what such something or someone is in fact, as it is all entirely self-created, it is me-myself that has created this experience within me.

Within this premise, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to immediately automate the words ‘my relationship to/with something/someone’ being defined as an experience that I have built toward something or someone instead of the actuality of how I participate, interact with, communicate with /through something or someone and within that realizing that any experience that I create is entirely my own and has nothing to do with that something or someone but myself at all times.

Therefore I realize that the projections upon ‘art’ is in fact the experience that I have created toward the who I was within that time of my life when I chose to study art and that If I were to place myself within that same frame of mind 7 years ago, I would probably still go for that choice in life, which means that it is a decision I made entirely based on what I wanted to experience and who I wanted to be as a personality, an ego and satisfy my drive that I went building up throughout time to ‘make it’ within the art world – so this point I have opened up before however now I am able to see that it has nothing to do with ‘art’ in itself, I’ve made of art the excuse to project my own judgments toward my decisions, the way that I established relationships toward this something that I ‘built myself’ around, and as such because I realized I could not continue constructing myself as ‘an artist’ within the initial ideals I had, then I acted in spite and begun regretting and embarrassed by my choices in life as I see them as ‘useless’ without realizing that I was actually reacting at all the various others things I did in my life throughout that time of which I cannot be proud of either and that I cannot certainly recognize as ‘myself’ any longer so

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define me according to the relationships that I built with people and with specifically my career as ‘arts’ which in fact reflect all the choices in my life, the people that I chose to surround myself with and that I cannot really judge myself for who I was back then as back then I had no awareness of the points I am aware now.

So I realize that I have to stop being ‘hard’ on myself based on this hidden-experience of having ‘the past haunting me,’ and so be able to finally let go of it as I do not have to re-enact this kind of shame or embarrassment about myself, my past relationships, my emotionally-driven decisions in life because it is to realize that back then I didn’t know any other way – and so instead I am grateful to be able to be here writing myself, having deviated from ‘the path’ that I had initially chosen as god knows where the hell I would be if I had followed through my ‘lifestyle’ and the relationships I built around the same ego and personality that I was. I rather see and recognize that I’ve definitely moved on from that phase of my life, but! Also realizing that every time that I create an experience toward any memory, any relationship, any past choice including my decision to study arts, I recreate the entire network of ‘the who I was’ in my past and as such I continue enslaving myself to those relationships and only fuel the negative experiences that are the opposite polarity to the initial positive experiences that I used to build my relationships with people and with the profession/career I was veering myself toward.

And within this, I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to follow the usual pattern within the mind which is ‘dissing’ something once that one has squeezed the last drop of positive experience out of it, which means that once that it ‘served me’ and ‘its purpose’ and I’ve hit the ground back into reality about it and I am no longer seeing visions based on emotional and feeling experiences, then I go into the opposite polarity of talking bad about it and feeling righteous within that, without realizing that it is only the predetermined and rather predictable outcome from an initial positive experience that I created with such ‘passion’ about it that when the whole experience was no more, I ‘dropped’ down to the bottom and the opposite – so it happened just like a typical relationship wherein people first get in love with each other and as time progress and the energy runs dry, they part ways and talk shit about each other, so that’s what I did toward ‘art,’ and I didn’t even realize it because to me it was so right that it hadn’t fulfilled my expectations that I believed I had ‘the right’ to feel that way about it, without seeing the obvious: it was a feeling, an emotion, a judgment that came from nothing else but the ‘who I was’ toward art and so, within this ‘dissing’ recreating my past relationship to art over and over again – trapping myself in my own past.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form emotional relationships toward what I deemed as ‘my career’ or ‘my path’ which in this case was art/being an artist and within this allow a physical process to become a rather emotionally driven relationship, similar to those that I’ve walked with individuals wherein there are a lot of feelings and emotions attached to something/someone that I want to hold onto and when the relationship is no more, such dependency then turns into a ‘lack’ of this fulfillment gotten from something or someone and as such, it turns into a form of bitterness ‘toward something or someone,’ without realizing that this all is really not about ‘art’ in itself or the people in my past relationships or else, it’s about myself and how I created relationships of dependency upon others in order to ‘satisfy me’ or ‘complete me’ or give me some kind of experience to which I could define myself, build myself, construct and upgrade myself as the ego that I was wanting to be within the ‘who I am’ as a professional artist as well as within the relationship formed in relation to who I am as an artist and in relationship to others.

 

Therefore I realize that the best way to follow through with this is to entirely let go of my experiences toward my past specifically and so be able to give myself back to myself as being able to focus on what is here, what I am working with, what I am developing as myself and also to align my relationship to art and be able to enjoy it, visiting museums or read about it, hear it, interact with it without loading the entire experience of ‘going to the museum’ and defining myself according to that any longer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be spiteful in the past few years and whenever I would talk about some forms of contemporary art become infuriated and a bit angry about what I defined as being utterly selfish and self-centered and ‘useless’ to the problems that I was then realizing were ‘much more important than that’ – and in this, I still agree that there are more important points in life than some kinds of art that are merely conceptual and contemplative and ‘useless’ as a tool to create practical solutions to the world – however, this obviously doesn’t justify the fact that I’ve been spiteful and holding this love-hate relationship to it, and within this only fueling an inner conflict of still being interested in or curious about the current art forms that are emerging while at the same time judging it as useless so here

I had considered myself to feel bitter about art

art-should-be

Bitter: causing pain or unhappiness. Feeling or showing angry hurt or resentment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bitter about art as in becoming resentful toward it and toward the people that create it, not realizing that I had exactly done the opposite for a prolonged period of time which is why the inner conflict arose in the first place, all based on me wanting to make of art the quintessential human experience and making it the most ‘honorable profession on Earth’ or so, and so believing that being an artist was the same or similar thing as to say I was chosen by god and/or touched by god, so in essence a lot of delusions of grandeur that I created within me and that I projected toward art. So, this bitterness as in being angry, resentful, dissatisfied toward art has to do with me having to let go of my own desires/hopes/dreams related to me becoming an artist. So once again, it has nothing to do with ‘art’ in itself but the expectations and experiences I created toward it and so, when realizing I had to stop pursuing my mind any further and only feeding my ego, that’s when the opposite relationship came up.

When and as I see myself feeling bitter about any form of art that I may see, read about or even people that create art and discuss their work – I stop and I breathe, I ensure that I am not tensing my physical body and experiencing that bolt of energy within me wanting to ‘let them know the truth about their creation’ which is in fact nothing else but me wanting to ‘express’ through reaction, as if I had ‘the truth’ within myself and so within this actually becoming nothing more than an ego that wants to be recognized for ‘my new position’ which is not really supportive but only a packet of resentment, judgments and overall bitterness toward that which I once praised.

I realize that this all comes from how much the entirety of ‘my world’ and ‘myself’ that I deemed as ‘real’ and ‘genuine’ were in fact not, so this whole relationship with art I remember very well was the first initial ‘big hit’ that I took when understanding who we are as the mind, as a preprogrammed mind consciousness system and that the thing I feared losing the most was the personality I had created through/as art and having chosen that path for myself, which is why that initial big fear of loss about this self-definition had such a ‘big impact’ in the aftermath, wherein I allowed myself to not be entirely self-directive toward art but instead then create the opposite polarity and so still participating within the mind. And this came through even though I believed I was ‘well over with it,’ only to test out not long ago that there were still reactions coming through the more ‘artistic’ documentaries I would watch and wanting to ignore the reactions to it until I simply believed that I had to ‘speak my mind’ about it – and yes, it was ‘my mind’ and a till here no further to when and as I see myself questioning or asking another about their creation from the starting point of the ‘bitter drop-out of an artist’ that I became in my mind, and so stop defining myself based on the choices of the past and focus on communicating or creating a dialogue based on what we can learn from it, what can be useful to understand our human condition or even innovate and take points to be creative in the ways that I can support myself and others through this process while using art as a supportive tool for it, without endowing it the entire ‘duty’ of ‘changing the world’ in itself, which as I’ve previously discussed, it’s impossible.

When and as I see myself wanting to create an experience of spite or disdain and bitterness toward ‘art’ and seeing it as useless or pointless while at the same time being curious about it, I stop and I breathe – I realize that both the negative and positive experiences are only re-creations of the ‘who I was’ in the past as an art-lover and then the who I became as the anti-thesis of that which was pretty much being very critical toward art within a negative context, and so I simply stop, breathe and observe/interact with it without creating any experience but rather seeing it objectively for what it is. And this is the challenge really because I had cult-ivated the experiences attached to works of art and becoming emotional about it, which I also learned from books at the same time. So I realize that all of my emotions and feelings are in fact nothing else but knowledge and information that I’ve translated into energetic experiences that serve no purpose for me to interact with something or someone.

 

I commit myself to be able to be here as breath while witnessing performances, watching/visiting museums or art galleries and also to remain here as breath when getting too excited about seeing something because that’s also once again recreating the same pattern of the visual vicious – which I’ve talked about extensively of – and so realize it’s just images, it’s just pictures, it’s just a part of reality and the only way I can ‘react’ to something is if I ‘load’ all my past-definitions in order to react based on memories and the knowledge that I had built around art and the ‘who I am’ toward art. So I can practically simply stop those past definitions and focus on reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to read about the Stendhal syndrome in some book and consider that I would get this kind of experiences such as seeing ‘the sublime’ and mostly images that would depict the end of the world, which is why I focused myself so much on depicting the end of the world and getting a kick out of it, and believe that these emotions were ‘normal’ to me and that I had all the right to ‘express them’ but, the reality is that it was all a self-created experience and that there was no ‘magic’ or ‘real connection’ to painting or anything like that which I believed was something ‘special’ within me. Therefore I realize that these experiences were pretty much all created within my desperate need to ‘feel something’ because I had deemed the ability to ‘feel’ as in becoming emotional as special, as sensitive, as ‘unique’ in a human being – and so I created my own web of experiences according to how I would see others would feel and so mimic it, read books that were very emotional and then going determining what I would find as ‘emotional’ and what I would like to experience and so integrate as part of the ‘who I was’ as the characters that I read about and that I eventually wanted to create for myself.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to made of past relationships as something conflictive and filled with ‘turmoil’ inside my mind as I realize that this was also part of the definition of who I wanted to be as a very sensitive person in order to be able to have stories to tell or talk about, as I believed that I had to suffer to make any real art. Therefore, I realize that any experience I created toward something or someone wasn’t part of reality as such, but entirely self created in my mind. Within this, I realize that also in my relationships the experiences I created about others were never ‘real’ as such, but only the plethora of experiences and definitions I created upon them – that’s why once the energy ran dry and seeing the individuals or situations that I was in within my life with sober eyes and frame of mind, the ‘truth’ of myself and the interactions with others/something came through as it is.

 

So a way to redefine a relationship it is to first of all no longer define tit through/as an emotion or feeling, something that we believe is ‘real’ in the mind based on memories, ideas, beliefs, past experiences that we then make real as our preference, as that which ‘we want,’ without taking physical reality into consideration.

Therefore an emotional relationship will always end up as a ‘fuck-up’ if it is not aligned to physical reality wherein I can stand as an individual that first of all ponders what it is that I sought in my relationship with something/someone that I believed I didn’t have myself, alone – and so realize that whichever I was expecting to get from ‘art’ or someone in my life were and had been all points of separation, illusions that I believed were unable to be experienced within me. So this is how the best way to create a relationship with someone or something is to ensure that it is seen through the eyes of physical reality, where no emotions, feelings, no past experiences, no ideals, wants, needs or desires become a decisive factor in terms of defining who I am toward others, as all I have to consider is myself and within doing that I can then interact with something/someone based on the principles that I can integrate within myself, as the relationship that I want to establish for myself so that no matter what I do, where I am, with who or alone, I remain stable, supporting myself, getting to know about others in the relationships formed with my reality, recognizing myself as one and equal with them, instead of seeing them as points to ‘fulfill me’ or things/experiences that I believed I lacked.

I realize that it’s been supportive to revisit this aspect of ‘my relationship to art’ to review my state of affairs in relation to other relationships based on emotions in the past, and so to focus on preventing further ‘fuckups’ as the ups and downs and polarity relationships of ‘love and hate’ as that is all of the mind –  instead there are more physical aspects and perspectives to consider here as well.

Life on Earth in itself is built through relationships, so I cannot define relationships only as personal relationships with something or someone, but rather realize that we are all made of and constantly require and exist as relationships that define the way we live in our world – therefore the more we are able to act, participate and be part of these relationships in a physical and common sensical manner without being driven by desires, hopes, dreams, fantasies and illusions, the more we will be able to begin changing the focus of our reality – from the distraction that emotional relationships are to a rather physical process of aligning ourselves to that which enables our coexistence in the best possible manner – no feelings/emotions required for that, no special relationships but rather the equalization and realization of who I am as this interdependence

 

to be continued…

Mechanical Heart 06

 

To learn more about how to establish proper Relationships suggest the Re-defining Relationships – Agreement Course  as well as:


389. Are Emotions Necessary to Be Creative?

Demystifying artistic endeavors and the experience during creative processes.

Continuing from:

 

Dejar de Sentir 04

For further context, an emotion is a usually negative experience that in my case I would use as a reason, starting point and ‘catalyst’ to create art. Now, one would believe that ‘negative experiences’ are usually undesirable, however in my case they became similar to how a person would want to hold on to happiness because of enjoying the experience of it. This is how I became a person that was more used to being within emotions rather than feelings – and the reason why being because I linked my experience as a response to me seeing the world around me and making ‘no sense of it,’ and as such having wanted to ‘escape’ it through my experience and my hobby, among other relationships and habits that were intertwined as a way to define ‘me’ as an emotional person that is too sensitive to the state of the world in which I would get to ‘feel good’ in such emotional states – therefore the context of this is to realize that an emotional experience even if it’s negative it is no different to being living through mostly feelings and ‘positive experiences’ as both are energy-based experiences that exist at a mind level.

 

Self Forgiveness on Emo-creations:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word ‘expression’ based on artistic creation and thus limit the word expression to be immediately linked to ‘creating artworks’ or producing a formal piece of art mostly through drawing and painting wherein I would define expressing as experiencing an emotion or feeling within me and producing something while experiencing such feeling or emotion, sometimes of anger, sometimes of gloom and doom – most of the times – sometimes a yearning, hope, hopelessness and some other times just imagining what it would be to live in a perfect world, sadness – all of these I had defined as ‘my expression’ because at that time I had linked the ‘who I am’ entirely intertwined with emotions. This I now realize is not who I really am as those are emotions and feelings that I created a relationship with based on how I would experience myself within them, and thus how I accepted them as ‘who I am’ and eventually believing that ‘this is My expression’ which means an experience that is generated while creating an artwork.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe at that time that my expression was ‘unique’ and that means that my constant ‘mood’ or ‘state of being’ as any of these emotions were my catalyst to express myself/to create – therefore that is how the moment that I stopped being hopeless, angry, sad or moody I stopped ‘expressing myself’ as in creating any artwork, just because of how much I had linked the two points in relation to my emotional experience. Therefore

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my creative abilities and skills based on ‘how I would feel’ and as such determining and defining that I could only ‘express myself’ if I was feeling in a particular ‘mood’ and thus dooming myself to only ‘feel creative’ based on an emotional experience, without realizing that a creative process has nothing to do with an emotional experience as it is a physical act of arranging certain elements to create something physical, to develop certain skills and that has nothing to do with an emotion directing my hand or my use of materials to do something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit the expression of ‘I’m feeling creative’ to an experience, an emotion such as sadness, hopelessness, anger or general state of doom and gloom that I would then get excited about in order to ‘let it all out’ in a painting or drawing or writing sometimes as well, which I see is all linked to how I would hear/read about other artists like painters or musicians or writers how they would feel a certain way when they would create at their best, and so believing within myself in a way that because I was stopping my emotional participation and feeling experiences, then I wasn’t going to be able to create ‘good stuff’ any longer – which is then limiting my creation to emotions and feelings and it shouldn’t be so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘want to turn back time’ in order to change my decisions in life, which is rather not possible and it indicates that I haven’t dealt with the fact that I chose something based on my emotional experience about it and as such I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to choose and make decisions in my life based on how I felt about it, based on my emotional experience and pursuing further emotional involvement in my life, without then knowing or even realizing how this was going to only lead me to continue being in a certain state of mind and ‘mood’ wherein I would have not been able to be stable as I am now since I had linked – back then – the creative process to emotions, a continued state of doom and gloom and be glorified by it – which is something that I saw was ‘special’ about people like Frida Kahlo for example who became a background influence and how I saw suffering as the key for her to make real art, as well as that whole blog I wrote about ‘You’ll need to suffer to make any real art’ as I realize that it’s about time that we as humanity move from linking emotions and feelings to creations that can become a supportive tool to realize ourselves, instead of glorifying emotions and feelings and keep us all trapped in the same mindset of being a ‘tormented sensitive individual in this evil world’ which is how I would see myself back then.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ‘feel creative’ when I was frustrated and angry for me not being ‘creating anything’ and as such the last time that I painted for a day or so, I was experiencing mostly emotions that I tried to once again ‘let out’ through the creative process which is rather like a mindfuck really because I realize that painting is a physical act of having materials that one use to arrange and imprint and mold and shape things in order to be arranged as a final product/ a final something that I create. So, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was incapable of creating anything ‘good’ without experiencing emotions such as sadness or being depressed and so linking my own stability to ‘not having anything to express’ or even ‘not being able to express now because I am not feeling that same way.’

I realize that it is about then dissociating any creative process from ‘how I feel’ or the ‘emotions’ I once believed I had to experience in order for me to ‘feel creative’ and realize that being creative is not a feeling, but a doing, a physical act of arranging certain matters and elements or images that I then use to create something that either generates a specific visual product or creative writing etc – anything that can be used to provide a message, to ‘say something’ through images or words or sounds or it all together. This is how then I see that my creative expression is linked to the media, the tools, the elements I can use to generate an expression, a message and that these are all conscious decisions and physical actions/moves to generate it and that I do not require an emotion to do it.

When and as I see myself believing that ‘I need to ‘feel creative’ as in being in a certain mood to create’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am limiting myself to experiencing emotions and not ‘any’ emotion but very specific ones in order to link it to ‘feeling creative’ which is not acceptable as I’ve already seen, realized and understood that ‘creating’ is a physical act, an intellectual process of picking elements and arranging them in order to produce a physical/digital product that I use to ‘express’ something, without this ‘expression’ meaning an emotion or a feeling only – but sometimes it is for the sheer aesthetics of it, sometimes in order to provide my own version of something I see in the world and this thus means stopping seeing ‘art’ as this emotional-creative process and creation as that is rather limiting once that I realize that I am here, I am a physical being and don’t really require emotions to exist and create.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘something is missing’ while creating something and seeing it as ‘pointless’ because I had mostly defined the process of creation as ‘having to generate an experience within me’ and if this was not in place, then It was ‘useless’ – so this is obviously me as the mind speaking and defining what ‘gives it a kick’ as an experience, an emotion while creating something or afterward when seeing the ‘final product’ instead of realizing that anything we create is a physical thing and I do not require to ‘feel’ something while looking at it, while doing it or being creating something – as this would only be ‘feeding the mind’ that seeks an energetic experience out of it. So this implies that expression is just that, me extending myself to use what I have available to say something, to do something, to arrange something in a way that I decide it to be and with a particular purpose – and this is then only doing that, creating something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link the definition of something being ‘pointless’ as in not getting an experience out of it in relation to the process of creating something or the final product thereof, based on how I would deem myself as ‘having a point’ or ‘having a reason’ to create when early on I would have people observing ‘my creations’ and writing about it or leaving comments or even poems to which I defined that ‘It meant something, I had a point’ and so when all of this stopped essentially because I stopped wanting to feed this ego of mine, then because I knew I wasn’t going to get the ‘energy fix’ out of it, then it became ‘pointless’ without realizing that this is once again the polarity creation of me first getting an energetic-kick out of ‘my creations’ and then when I stopped generating this emotions and experiences around it, then I saw it as ‘pointless’ – it’s only the mind speaking.

When and as I see myself having the starting point of ‘creating something’ based on the expectations of feedback, comments or others ‘admiring it’ – I stop and I breathe – I realize that anything I create is a process that I conduct out of my own volition, for my own support and to ‘straighten my ideas’ instead of expecting others to like it or praise it or comment on it, as this is already a conditional point to my expression based on ‘how others receive it’ which is usually how the ego that I formed in relation to ‘being an artist’ operates: doing things that would make me feel something while doing them, and also confirm such ‘specialness’ through the feedback I’d get from others. In this believing that without such ‘experience’ then it would be similar to rather doing nothing as ‘I would get nothing out of it’ lol, which is just ‘not getting and not participating’ in the ego-kick I had defined art to do ‘for me.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link the idea of ‘being creative’ to ‘being an artist’ and as such believing that ‘I am no longer creative because I am no longer emotional’ without realizing that this ‘linkage’ was created within the ‘who I was’ in the past and now I realize that being creative is simply having the ability to use what is here in order to ‘make’ something, to do something that can be supportive to convey a message, to be a supportive tool to illustrate something or sometimes just to make it for ‘the sake of it’ – however I understand that there is now the aspect of self-responsibility in everything that I create either at a mental or physical level and as such, I realize that doing something for the sake of ‘feeling’ something is not viable and not supportive – therefore I allow myself to see the word ‘creative’ or ‘being creative’ as what it means: doing something, making something from ‘scratch’ meaning using the elements that we have available in a particular order or arrangement to make something ‘new’ out of it – even if we cannot really create something ‘out of nothing’ as we always use what is here anyways.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘because of Process I stopped creating’ when in fact it was me through my limited definition of ‘being creative only when I’m emotional’ that I then saw that it was ‘not possible’ for me to create while being ‘stopping participation in emotions and feelings’ and also because of linking ‘creating’ and ‘being an artist’ to already pursuing an experience of ‘being more than/ being special/ being unique/ having to build up this unique presentation of myself’ which are all stereotypes I’ve picked up throughout the years based on how I carefully planned myself, my ego/personality adding up bits and bits that would shape me into becoming the ‘special’ individual I wanted myself to be back then. Therefore when realizing the starting point of my decision to study art, to ‘be creative’ and to follow through with it all into a career, I stopped wanting to have anything to do with it based on my own self-dishonesty as the starting point to it. Hence the ‘hate’ experience toward it that emerged was based on me having to let go of that which I had first given a lot of value, time, effort to create – and so it was like having to deconstruct that which I had invested a lot of time, effort, money on and so believe that now that I have to deconstruct the ‘ego’ of myself that I’ve created as an artist, I cannot now dedicate myself to this as it would be dishonest’ without realizing that such statement is rather limiting as well, and nothing else but holding the same relationship of friction and conflict with it, instead of establishing an equality toward this profession and treat it like any other profession, instead of wanting to ‘scratch it out’ of my life almost – yet at the same time liking and enjoying even watching/looking at the stuff that I did before.

Therefore I realize that in order to align myself to this profession it is to precisely not look at it within the eyes and mind-frame of the ‘who I was’ as that is certainly not here as myself as the decision of who I want to be and become any longer, and it would be rather difficult for me to pretend to ‘feel’ the same way I used to – but this doesn’t mean that I don’t have now the ability to create/be creative and use any material, tool or media to do create something that can be useful to convey a message. I realize that most of my limitation to ‘create’ comes from re-enacting the overall cycle of regretting my decisions, regretting my choice of career and using this to stop me or preventing me from doing anything ‘creative’ or create something, which doesn’t make sense as it is only me in my mind preventing me from doing something based on the definitions I’ve charged to even the moment of preparing myself to pain or create something, believing that I should be ‘feeling’ in a certain mood, while I realize now that it doesn’t have to be that way at all now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my mind as the ‘who I was’ apply the usual extremism of ‘If I won’t get my emotional fix from it, then I want nothing to do with it’ which is kind of like a tantrum kind of experience or even self-spitefulness when realizing that I cannot continue ‘feeding’ my obsessions so to speak, and creating this ‘special aura’ around myself as ‘the artist’ or any emotional experience and as such, there’s also that layer of not being able to now use art to ‘generate these things for me, therefore I dump it’ and so going into the polarity aspect of denigrating it, seeing it as useless/pointless based on the definitions I had created about it. I realize that in doing this I do nothing but reactivate the grudge or regret or any other experience I had held toward ‘art’ or my career or anything related to ‘artists’ themselves, instead of seeing them and the profession in itself as a any other occupation in this world that one can use and become it in order to direct a new way to live it, to participate in society, to create and innovate ways in which change at an individual level can be conducted.

In this case I realize that de-mystifying the artistic-personality as a highly emotional individual is quite overrated and I realize that it was my ideas, beliefs and perceptions that shaped this definition within me and that an artist itself should not be other than a human being that can use creative processes at a physical and intellectual level in order to provide his/her own view of the world in order to convey a message, or express something that can be received by others as a way of communication.

I commit myself to be able to use any media, elements and skills that I realize can be used to generate a product or ‘something’ that I can use to convey a message, no different to writing and no different to being painting or drawing or creating images, as we can communicate in many ways as human beings, using different tools and methods to it – therefore I use what is here without defining it any longer within the constrains of  my old definition of art, but redefine art as a human creation that is conveying a message, is saying something and that’s it. It doesn’t have to me more or less than that which is equal to everything and everyone else that is here as life.

 

I commit myself to not link words like ‘expression’ or ‘creativity’ to only exist within the past-mindframe of ‘artistic expression’ but to identify them within the physical context that they imply which is me deciding to use certain elements and tools to make something, arrange something in order to give it a purpose, a meaning, and an intent within it.

 

I realize how these experiences stem from the relationship I formed toward art, meaning a relationship of separation wherein I would ‘get something out of it’ for my own mind-benefit and this is how when stopping that benefit – no different to stopping any other relationship with an individual – it is like the ‘shortage’ of experience makes me believe that it is ‘its fault’ or that I should now avoid and have to do nothing with the source of ‘temptation’ so to speak, without realizing that this is how we create our dramas as humans beings with these love-hate experiences based on how we would believe ourselves to ‘benefit’ from something, without understanding the actual relationship of separation formed in the first place.

So this is how through equalizing myself to myself, my ability to do/create/direct and make things is my own decision, my own ability and there’s nothing ‘more’ to it other than what it is as any other point that I create, arrange or direct as they are all also creative processes as well – no more and no less.

 

 

Trees are black

Suggest watching the following Desteni I Process Google Hangouts:

 

To learn more about the mind and how you can use your creative skills constructively to support yourself and others, visit:


386. War Crimes are Born in the Mind

A reflection on Errol Morris’ “The Unknown Known” a documentary about Donald Rumsfeld

“n THE UNKNOWN KNOWN, Academy Award-winning director Errol Morris (THE FOG OF WAR) offers a mesmerizing portrait of Donald Rumsfeld, the larger-than-life figure who served as George W. Bush’s secretary of defense and as the principal architect of the Iraq War. Rather than conducting a conventional interview, Morris has Rumsfeld perform and explain his “snowflakes” — the enormous archive of memos he wrote across almost fifty years in Congress, the White House, in business, and twice at the Pentagon. The memos provide a window into history — not as it actually happened, but as Rumsfeld wants us to see it. By focusing on the “snowflakes,” with their conundrums and their contradictions, Morris takes us where few have ever been — beyond the web of words into the unfamiliar terrain of Rumsfeld’s mind. THE UNKNOWN KNOWN presents history from the inside out. It shows how the ideas, the fears, and the certainties of one man, written out on paper, transformed America, changed the course of history — and led to war.”

 

When I directed myself to watch this documentary on Donald Rumsfeld’s mind I realized I was in ‘for a ride’ when it comes to being ‘face to face’ – in the cinema, with only some 10 other people in it –watching and hearing, getting to know more about an individual that has developed and affinity to justify wars, torture and overall abuse through his self-rewarding ability to redefine words and cunningly deceitful use of language – this means what he makes a word to mean, is what the word will mean and become, because he says so and so he thinks, therefore he is, and so he makes up his own excuses, reasons and justifications to make his actions and decisions seem right and be able to sleep well at night.

 

See, the confrontation for me begun when once again seeing and realizing how words can be used as double edge swords and how everything can be twisted according to how we define (read: limit, tergiversate, compromise, abuse and even harm) reality through words, and how such words become part of our reality through someone’s decision to change what it means to instigate war through generating doubt and the justification for such doubt.

When I first realized this situation in relation to words and how they essentially define our relationship toward everything in reality several years ago,  it was one of those shocking revelations in my life and I used it as an excuse to further my desire to step-away from ‘the evil man-made system’ and seeing words as human dictatorship. Well, this pattern was again experimented when seeing the absolute obsession and overall madness that Rumsfeld shares with us through this great documentary that Errol Morris managed to get Rumsfeld comply to do over 20 hours of recordings for it. I had too many questions as to how such a political figure had agreed to do this documentary and only through watching this interview I filled-in the gaps; I also realized how cunning Morris is to provide us with this ‘psychopathic’ view of a human mind obsessed with power and war and yet believe that everything is absolutely alright with it. I also suggest watching it:

 

 

Is it only Rumsfeld that is a ‘psychopath’?

Throughout the documentary I heard and read Rumsfeld’s memo-creations and how he would have this severe obsession to redefine words to suit his Machiavellian agenda, to make sure things would sound ‘good’ to him, to believe he was following a greater purpose where any form of actual abuse and plain evil simply did not exist to him, because to him he was following the right to defend his nation, to ‘do the right thing’ according to what he has defined ‘right’ and what he has defined ‘good’ to be. And this is where I could identify the massive cognitive dissonance that doesn’t only exist in Rumsfeld, and it’s certainly not only about ‘him’ as an individual only.

This documentary reveals the nature of what I’ve realized throughout these years is who we are and have become as human beings within our minds, a consciousness system that programs itself to define, shape, mold and forge a view of reality that in this case makes him feel ‘good’ about himself, without having any real consideration or I dare say ‘care’ about the effect of his words upon physical reality. When realizing this, I have to apply the golden rule of taking the point back to self and seeing myself also as a human being that also has a mind and that also has abused words and definitions to further my own interests, what I think and want to believe is right and righteous, without considering at all how my words, thoughts and deeds will affect others – and in Rumsfeld’s position as Secretary of Defense during the George W. Bush era, he became the decisive factor and voice that would call for wars that are till this day ongoing in one way or another. 

But, once again, is it really only ‘him’? Or is it the entire collective accepted and allowed disposition of such ‘power’ by only a few?A person in such position can only exist if the rest of the people accept and allow it. Therefore I realize that I have actually become part of the collective compliance to this discourse that justifies wars waged in the benefit of a few individuals, where trillions of dollars are spent on death and destruction, sucking dry any sort of solvency for a world-wide economy that is in shambles at the moment. And yes, even if I am ‘against war’ by becoming angry about what a few people can do in their position, I only further the problem by becoming ‘angry’ at them or the United States as a nation, since I have also come to realize how there is a greater-construct to this all where from the beginning of our time, we accepted this massive enslavement to our mind, to ‘the system’ as the reflection of our mind, one system that we are now beginning to wake up and realize how detrimental it is to life in general, and so blaming people like Rumsfeld for depicting the image and likeness of our current ‘human nature’ is rather pointless and without any solution to it.

 

At times throughout the documentary I wanted to scream and shout how this is absolute nonsense and how we have ‘psychopaths’ in our governmental spheres, but every single time as I was watching I would also bring myself back to see and consider the ‘bigger picture’ where it’s not about ‘him’ only, it’s about what each one of us has been and become as a mind system that cares about nothing else but our own self, our benefits, our desires, what we Think is right, what makes us special and in this case intelligent with the use of words. And that’s the trick, in his mind there is no consideration of the consequences, the actual suffering that people actually go through after he declares wars and ‘acceptable’ ways of torture, that’s because the position he was in became a nice money-secured bubble to evade reality and consequences, and such war crimes are justified as ‘defense’ mechanisms, which I also realized we live by at an individual level, where I can make any sort of excuse and justification to not have to take responsibility for my own thoughts, words and deeds.

 

And this is where I am able to also forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to react in any way with scorn, anger, frustration and plain disbelief when seeing how nonchalant this character was when speaking about how some things work and some others don’t work when being asked about war crimes, invasions and the supposed arsenal of chemical weapons of mass destruction he claimed Hussein’s regime had in order to wage war against Iraq. This is a man that – as any other political-figure within the current set-up of this system – has developed the skills to talk an entire nation into agreeing to go to war, believing that what he decides and does is somehow the right thing to do, because it Sounds good, it Feels good to him. He also likes to twist words around and say things like “The Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence” when being asked about the existence of WMD in Iraq, which can leave people pondering and thus complying to such possibilities just because it sounds like ‘he’s got a point’ – isn’t it? And so one falls for it as well. This documentary is an excellent way to see how propaganda is created and yes, it all begins with redefining words to our surprise.

 

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to covertly use anger as a way to blame Rumsfeld for initiating the war on Iraq, without realizing it is actually blame for having accepted and allowed the continuation of this current world system where we only seek how to make the most money, to have the most power and in this realizing that in his position, I would have most likely done the exact same thing as it is about understanding his position, his context, his preprogrammed design as one of the ‘locks’ in the system to perpetuate wars and conflicts, using words to justify and excuse them because that is how I can make even the most atrocious act seem ‘right’ if backed with proper ideas, beliefs and justifications – I have a mind and so did he and everyone else, so it’s about learning how to self-forgive each other’s actions and instead focus on how to correct them and never again allow this to repeat again, I begin with taking responsibility for my own thoughts, words and deeds.

 

Philosophical egg

 

 

In Rumsfeld’s case, the words written and advised by him to the presidents of the United States throughout the years came to manifest the most atrocious wars and tortures that the US has conducted as part of their foreign policy of ‘defense’ – though,  he has not lived a war, he has not seen first hand the horrors that people in Abu Ghraib were forced to experience, he was not the one hung like Sadam, he was not witnessing what a detainee in Guantanamo bay goes through every day, he’s not the marines sent to kill and destroy Iraq, he was only suspecting what would sound right to do as the idea of being the Defense Secretary in the delusional ‘father of the world’ and ‘first power’ nation of the United States – a position we have all collectively accepted and allowed as well.

Can I blame him? or Should we blame him? Blame only leads to dissociating ourselves from the problem, to not see how it is that for another’s lies to become truth there must be everyone else that listens, reads and obeys the lies as facts, as truth and so blindly agreeing to it – and that’s what makes us all co-participants in any decision conducted by Rumsfeld or any other person in decision-making roles that reflect back our own ability to be directed and controlled because we haven’t been able to take such position for and by ourselves yet. Being a ‘psychopath’ implies a general term that can be applied to every single one of us, because the sheer fact of existing in the mind already makes us all criminals, liars, abusers, schizophrenic and self-interested human beings where we have imposed  an entire ‘regime’ with words upon reality, causing the problems that we are all facing nowadays due to not considering the consequences of our individual actions. The truth is uncomfortable, shocking, not nice and not pretty however it is necessary to stop seeing others as ‘the ones to blame’ and instead focus on recognizing my responsibility, our responsibility to this as a collective.

 

Rumsfeld’s obsession to always seeming to do ‘the right thing’ is what I have realized I tend to do when I use all sorts of justifications, excuses, reasons and beliefs as to why I want to continue doing or saying something that we already know is not so, it’s not beneficial for ourselves and everyone else, is self-interest based – but who cares?? If I say it is ‘right’ and it’s ‘good’ then it must be so because I believe so, I say so! A quixotic mind, a righteous mind, a conceited mind, a selfish mind… however who isn’t like that in this world? Who hasn’t ever lived within a constant experience that we are right and everyone else is wrong? when we believe that everything we do is for some kind of greater good without taking others into consideration…

One can only watch the Morris interview above and see how the one thing that Rumsfeld disagreed with the documentary after watching it and pointed it out as ‘a serious problem’ was…. his tie. That also exemplifies how it is that when we have forged our mind through believing our lies, and we become them, we can no longer spot the lie, the deceit within us, we can no longer see right from wrong, there’s no values or principles because all of that has been redefined to suit personal self interest and delusions of power. Again, sounds familiar isn’t it?

This is humanity’s grave disease, and so we’re really no different to Rumsfeld no matter how many might read this and say ‘WHAAT? NO WAY!!’ Well, again,  the truth is not pretty or beautiful, however it is the first step to then begin seeing ourselves in the mirror of Rumsfeld’s mind where I see I have tacitly accepted and allow all of atrocities when it comes to this world, our money system, our financial system bubble, our religions, our emotions and feelings, our thoughts, our illusions and imaginations in the mind as something meaningful and true, that which makes us ‘who we really are’….

I realize I am certainly no different to any other human being, even those that I deem as the most atrocious people, the ‘psychopaths’ can only lead me back to the marvelous golden rule: Take it all Back to Self – what does this imply? That everything that I say, think or believe about ‘others’ and ‘their mind’ is in fact revealing the truth of what exists within myself. I have no problem realizing this because it is only through realizing this that I’ve been able to then take aaalll reactions experienced throughout the documentary back to understanding that I cannot judge others because myself or anyone else would have probably done the exact same things Rumsfeld has done if we had been in his shoes, his preprogrammed position as part of the ‘gatekeepers’ of the system which in itself is a delusion that can only be ‘kept in place’ by collectively agreeing his position to be real, to be legitimized. Hence the importance of understanding cognitive dissonance and the use of words to keep our self-interest intact, to remain blinded by the meanings that we choose to give to words regardless of its effects in real life when lived out.

 

Casting-out the spells or Out-casting the spells

What I can learn from this documentary is how to prevent the level of personal delusion we all have the potential to live out in our lives. We all carry a mind filled with thoughts, beliefs, perceptions,  feelings and emotions along with the particular definitions we have attached to them, including images and memories as the decisive factors that determine ‘our nature,’ the ‘who we are’ as my personality, my choices, my preferences, my beliefs.  So, what I suggest doing after one watches or becomes aware of any atrocity ‘someone else’ has committed in this world, one can begin with being willing to be objective about who we are, what we have become, what we believe words mean and so begin a process of scrutinizing everything we’ve believed ourselves to be up to now as individuals and go measuring it all with the principle of common sense to see whether every thought, belief, idea/ideology, perception and experience is in fact something that is beneficial for oneself and others too. Maybe some might think: but what if you define common sense as something different to what you think it ‘should be’? and this is where we as human beings could redefine common sense as what is best for all, as that which will harm no one when lived out in physical reality. An ideology, a belief always has an interest behind it and that is already separation. An example is how the belief in requiring to ‘defend a nation from potential attacks’ leads to justifying war and war has become a profitable business. And that’s what Rumsfeld became an expert of convincing people to support.

If we take the principles of no harm, no abuse, doing onto others what we would like to be done onto ourselves then our ability to use words in our own common benefit can be conducted. However at the moment, the misuse, misinterpretation and deliberate abuse of words have led us to co-create this world where we’ve all suffered of massive cognitive dissonance when our minds, beliefs, ideas do not match physical reality and so,we further down the problem by adding more ideas, beliefs and perceptions to evade realizing the core and source of the problem which I’ve realized it’s always the consideration of taking responsibility for what I think, I do and say.

An example is how the word ‘democracy’ has become a mockery now, a ‘tag line’ for the United States of America to go and ‘promote freedom and democracy’ in any other country that isn’t following their preferred form of regime… and so what happens is that a word like democracy becomes an excuse for war, something that people then even say ‘they don’t ever want to hear again’ because of how it is being misused and misaligned to what it should really mean as the power of the people for the people. We haven’t lived that word yet at all. And that’s the point of sharing this all.

 

So in order to establish some common sense in what I think, believe and perceive is correct, I require to begin understanding more about my own mind, why we have all blindly accepted every single thought we’ve believed ‘we are’ as ‘true’ and ‘real’ –  why we have accepted a world system where we kill life in the name of an equally fairy-tale bubble-thinking creation called ‘money’ and ‘power’ which we’ve made as very real the moment that we denied food to someone if they don’t have a printed paper with a number in it… or how wars are waged in the name of making people believe there are ‘enemies’ wanting to harm others and so through spreading a lie. The greatest atrocities are committed in the world with public consent, because we collectively believe it is right. And also everyone that might consider themselves as ‘knowing better’ than following the political rule of thumb…  the sheer fact that each one of us possesses a mind and fails to propose sound solutions to terminate this mass hypnosis and programming we’re running ourselves by already makes us equally enslaved, mostly because we’ve still believed that by knowing ‘the truth’ already makes us ‘free’ – but reality works in a different manner where it is about realizing that freedom and democracy won’t come by waging wars nor by understanding the fallacy those words have become – but instead by implementing, building, creating an actual way in which to implement these changes in each one of us to then create them as our responsibility to this world and reality.

 

The title of the documentary is one of those riddle-like phrases that Rumsfeld uses to confuse and divert the attention from any form of truth, it becomes a philosophical mind game that blinds then the physicality of the consequences created by such word-abuse. And yes, I’ve seen how we all participate in this one way or another because I get results, because ‘it works’ and because ‘I get away with murder.’ Even the slightest belief, idea and perception is already using the same mind mechanisms that any other ‘mass murderer’ uses, and as such I can only begin humbling myself  in relation to what we have collectively accepted and allowed within our minds and how we’ve imposed it onto reality, and how it is through realizing this that we now also have the great and imperative task of taking responsibility for the lies, the cognitive dissonance, the belief systems, the misused words and redirect every one of them to become a true example of what it means to Live a word in the consideration of what is best for all.

 

Whenever I see myself judging, blaming, creating anger and stress out just by seeing/watching and witnessing what kind of lies and atrocities another being can express and conduct in a nonchalant way, I stop myself from pointing fingers at another and I breathe. I realize that I am only angry at myself, at the realization of who I am and have become as an equal part of humanity, a human being that has perpetuated the lie by existing as a mind wherein I believed that I was always ‘right’ and I could always justify all means to get to my ends, to not entirely care about the consequences of my wishes, desires, wants, needs and beliefs because I also have become an equal part of the game where I have lied to myself and deceived myself in order to maintain this world-system in place as is. Therefore, I realize that I am no different to the person I am judging and blaming or tagging as ‘schizophrenic’ and ‘pathological liar’ because this world-system we’ve built has been built upon lies, concepts, beliefs, ideologies that in no way make a direct reference to how physical reality should work.

This is how I commit myself to remain in stability and consideration, humbleness whenever I take a dive into another human being’s mind and instead of immediately judging them for all the ‘wrong things’ they’ve done, I can focus on considering the ‘greater picture’ of how I have participated in the same patterns and how it is thus now that I see, I understand and realize the truth and reality of what each one of us have done onto ourselves and one another in this world – from the micro to the macro – and the consequences imposed onto every living being in this reality through the dictatorship of our mind. And within this realizing that the only way to stop the reaction is to apply self forgiveness as the one thing left to do in this world where we see how far we’ve gone with our intellectual abuse of reality.

I commit myself to redefine words that I can ensure are able to be lived and be beneficial, supportive and constructive for myself and every other living being as well. This implies that I commit myself to no longer perpetuate the lie I’ve become as the mind, the egos of the mind, the self interest drive to obtain what I want regardless of considering ‘who’ and ‘what’ gets affected by achieving such selfish aim.

 

 

After I watched the documentary I wondered why not so many people were in the movie theater, and how we’ve been also brainwashed to believe that politics or seeing these people ‘talk nonsense’ is ‘boring,’ whereas I found it profoundly important to watch a vivid mirror of the deception we’ve all built and imposed around every corner in this world.

I fully recommend this documentary to anyone that can watch it, and this is how I share this reflection about it as a form of take another perspective at it, so that we can stop blaming, pointing fingers or developing further hatred toward certain political figures or people with ‘power,’ where we can first begin understanding what such ‘power’ in fact has been and how we can collectively debunk the lies and through doing that, create a more common sensical, self-responsible, integral and educated democratic society where our ability to redefine words and live them becomes the power to change how we live and interact in our every day living.

It’s time we break free form our mindful self-indulgence and realize that it will take great effort, discipline and consistency in order to give ourselves direction in our mind, to self-correct every lie and deception acquired by default, by virtue of coexisting in this same planet Earth.

 

DSC01874

 

Articles:

Errol Morris on Rumsfeld, the truth and “The Unknown Known”

 

To learn more about the mind and how to begin self-forgiving our current human nature, investigate:


382. Human Decay and the Wolf of Wall Street

 

One goes to the movies in an attempt to have a good time, to just have some kind of ‘distraction’ from the routine and simply sit and be passively absorbing a movie that is supposed to leave you with a good taste in your mouth… that was certainly not the case when I went to watch The Wolf of Wall Street, in fact it turned out to be quite a shocking social experiment that not only involved what I was watching on the big screen for three hours, but also the audience’s reactions as well, and that’s where the ‘cognitive dissonance’ situation started.

I decided to watch this movie after hearing from others how it would open up many dimensions to consider in relation to the world system and the lies we are buying and selling within our current world-system driven by money, where money is god and justifies any and all forms of abuse. Now, I have to describe the whole set up so that we understand why the reactions also ‘hit home’ in a way within me. I invited my parents to watch the film and I decided that it was a good opportunity to watch it in these VIP movie theatres because of my father’s birthday, so the whole plan seemed to be great and in a way it was, yet I kept pondering why the hell can’t we all just have ‘VIP movie theaters as a norm’ but it’s simply obvious that it would be unsustainable for ‘large doses of people’ to get this kind of comfort –  this peculiarity adds up to the unfolding reactions, as well as the ability of ‘choice’ that we have in our current system when it comes to what money can afford and what kind of ‘luxury’ we decide to give to ourselves, that’s how choice exists as the moment.

 

Wolf of Wall Street -Human Decay - Marlenlife

 

Why the title of this blog? Watching the film wasn’t something that made me laugh at all, it was rather a bit of a shocking experience, probably due to being analyzing every bit of it in terms of what is now shown as ‘R Rated films’ which is straightforward porn – and that’s in my eyes since I have little to no reference of what current porn looks like, other than the one showing up now as ‘soft core porn’ and your regular pop-star shows that resemble a bit to it – and to me that’ was also kind of shocking since I don’t currently watch many movies or series and I’m not that up-to-date as to what is shown as ‘entertainment.’ So, overall I was examining the film and people’s reactions that I then reacted to on my own.  ‘Raising the bar’ is the expression that comes, the laxity toward showing the ‘hardcore stuff’ is probably a morality point I have to walk through since I’m not that familiar with porn stuff so anything to me already becomes ‘too much’ yet, this movie is a true story and I have no doubt all of it and most likely much worse things take place on a daily basis in the lives of the ‘rich and the famous’ or wall street brokers.

 

So, the movie in itself exposes the nature of who we have become as humanity to the extreme of greed, lust, addictions, sociopathic behavior, compulsive lying, egomaniacs and all the disorders that having money in excess brings in the mind of a regular folk that lives day by day desiring to be rich, which is virtually anyone of us.

What perplexed me the most was when some of the most excessive, nasty and brutal behaviors were meant to be ‘funny’ in the movie, but to me it was rather plain shocking to see what was it that was ‘meant to be funny’ when in fact, it was the depiction of human decay in the 21st century where there seems to be no bottom to the pockets of the rich –   and yes, I wasn’t even that shocked when watching something like Fear and loathing in Las Vegas – and this is probably because the people in the movie are our regular ‘successful business men and women that ‘hit the jackpot’ without the rest of us understanding how such ‘jackpot’ can really only exist by committing financial crimes which is making money in illegal manners that are, not surprisingly, accepted and allowed in our current system.

 

Back to the supposed-to-be-funny moments, I heard people laughing in the movies about it, as if the ultimate human stupidity that comes with feeding excessive greed is something funny – this is a movie theater filled with ‘VIP people’ or people with sufficient money to maybe think that they knew what they were laughing about because of having experienced similar stuff themselves, as if one could laugh about human disgrace. All of it: my own judgments and having taking it personal, like many other times throughout my life where I wanted people to see things ‘my way’ and if this wasn’t the case, then I would react.

Supposed to be funny moments - wolf of wall street

 

All of this, is my own backchat, judgment, over-analysis and the reason why it is so is because when I went out of the movies the first thing that I told my parents was: How on Earth can these people laugh at such movie? What the fuck is wrong with them?’ but, the reality is that I created my own experience, reacting with shame once again to being a human being, to be living in a world where the life of ‘the rich and famous’ is something I have accepted and allowed and previously even desired as well due to environmental indoctrination of how we are taught how to create a ‘dream’ of our ‘ideal life’ and ‘follow it’ until ‘we make it.

If anything the movie portrays the bottom of where we are as humanity, becoming the lowest point in existence from which we can only stand up, learn how to live and take self-responsibility or cease to exist. The problem is when an aversion comes up, generating this experience wherein it is easier to think about ‘having everyone erased from the face of the Earth’ than standing as solution. For a moment, I ‘lost myself’ after watching the movie, understanding that the reason why people find human decay as something funny is because most can relate to what this guy desired and lived like which is like an empathic laughter from seeing to what extent a human being can go to follow the carrot on the stick, and actually trick everyone while grabbing the stick and making it work at your own plus-benefit.

 

shock wolf of wall street

 

I understand that every time I react even the least, even for a short period of time the point is to be investigated and surely with this entire movie as a huge trigger point there are many aspects to it that I see I require to dissect in order to uncover another layer of what could be the shame or aversion to being a human being, which is nothing else than a smokescreen, an experience that veils the reality of the matter: I am part of humanity, I am humanity and creating a judgment, a reaction toward myself means I am still separate from what I have defined as ‘human decay.’

 

Self Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with disgust and disdain toward the behavior of people that are rich and have ‘all the power’ to neglect who they are as living beings and as such believe they have lost all sense of dignity and self-respect, only focusing on following ‘their desires’ their wants and needs regardless of who they have to kill, abuse or lie to, without realizing that ‘rich people’ as the elite or anyone in a current position of ‘having more than others’ is in fact no different to what people with ‘lots of money’ do and think-like in their minds, which makes me no different to any human being that gets to such levels of human decay following the light, love, money, power which is what we all exist as every time we use our minds to think and only consider our self-interest, since all that who we are as the mind is and has become is nothing but the ultimate ego, ultimate survival system of ‘having the most’ to secure one’s ability to abuse others in order to keep making ‘more money/accumulating the most power so as to avoid having to take responsibility for one’s actions in this world.

I realize that we all do what any person in an apparent position of power does: follows the ways in which the least effort, the least responsibility and accountability can exist, where one can have ‘the most’ and ‘the best of the best’ regardless of considering at the expense of who or what one is getting such luxuries, comforts, treats and any point that one can buy with money in this world. I am equally responsible to this, since not everyone in this world can have access to such goods, not to mention the ability to separate oneself from ‘the horrors of the world’ by using money as a shield to blind ourselves from our reality, the sheer actual reality that we are separating ourselves from due to the ‘power of money’ which makes me no different to any other being-with-power,  regardless of the amount of money one has- that can avoid the harshness of living without money in this world, where some are not ‘recognized’ as  human beings due to being poor or being out of the ‘loop’ of the considered productive members of society or money-making-puppets that we’ve become, neglecting the life that exists in equality within all of us an only existing in the bubble of the mind that is constantly seeking self-interest, the most pleasures, the most ‘quality living’ which needs the most money too and within this

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to come to criticize money in itself and people that have ‘way more than normal,’ without realizing that the current polarity that is created between poverty and wealth is what I have come to judge and criticize, since both polarities as extremes are not what is best for all. Wealth can be seen as a privilege at the moment, but the more one has, the more one desires in the mind – so what I see is required of me is to not judge money, not judge comfort and luxury in itself, but rather establish that point of balance within me and so within others so that we come to realize how we require a sustainable and realistic living behavior, since ultimately in this movie we can witness how excess leads to human decay, the same way that poverty keeps a human being unable to develop themselves to their utmost potential.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create ‘aversion’ to what I perceive as greedy ambitious and lustful human beings corrupted by money, without realizing that money in itself is our ‘finest creation’ in this reality which exemplifies to the T what we are constantly doing to ourselves in our physical bodies every time that we participate in the mind, of emotions, feelings, backchats, desires, wants and needs, corrupting and abusing the very flesh and bones and every cell that we put through an excruciating pain every time we generate what we perceive is a ‘good feeling’ called energy, of any kind – whether defined as positive or negative – this ‘high’ that comes with power, with ‘having lots of money’ is not coming ‘for free’ and money in itself is the external representation of the abuse that we have imposed toward ourselves, eating away of our physical to feed the energy-systems of the mind, becoming our very own predators and at the same time  becoming completely possessed by that desire to have more, to ‘have it all’, to be all powerful and almighty, as the gods that have made of this world our image and likeness, the greatest decay, the most extensive separation that exists  within ourselves and toward each other, toward our reality, being a physical body that contains the life substance that is what is equal and one to everything that exists, yet at the same time being so separated, abusive toward one another and being willing to harm another in the name of money. 

I realize that the aversion perceived is nothing else than a smokescreen, a veil, a tunnel vision in which I comfortably exist within a momentary experience of disgust, disdain, aversion, anger toward ‘humanity’ or the general public that ‘surely watches the movie and laughs’ without realizing the obvious separation and judgment created wherein I take others’ laughter as an example of how indoctrinated we are when it coms to ‘entertainment’ and through movies pushing the boundaries of ‘what is funny, what is ‘acceptable’ to show on the movie screen etc. without realizing that all of this is the epitome, the creation of who we are and have become as human beings that have abdicated all sense of reality, where all that exists is who we are being directed by our mind, by consciousness, existing as programs that will continue resourcing energy from ourselves without even understanding how such relationship of abuse exists, because we have lived within the notion that abuse is pleasure within the frame of reference of the mind itself.  where any experience – good or bad  in the mind is to its benefit –  without realizing and understanding how everything we believe feels ‘good’ or is ‘nice’ is in fact the most consequential. 

I realize that within the extensive brainwashing that we are witnessing nowadays, a person that has only grown up watching the excesses of ‘the rich and the famous’ grows to see that as normal, as what’s ‘acceptable to do ‘ with money and consequently ‘power,’ without realizing that such move is in fact allowed without considering the relationship of abuse entailed with it and as such, finding it funny through how such depictions of a reality of excess are shown in the movies is then something ‘normal’ within our current mind frame where more and more we see the worst cases of human decay happening every day in this world, and most of it – if not all of it – being the result of having followed and fueled our personal dreams, desires that become addictive obsessions.

 

When and as I see myself reacting to people’s reactions by judging the reactions as unbelievable and unacceptable in terms of how I judge their laughter in a movie that I do not consider as ‘funny’ due to how I have judged the actions represented in it as rather sad, disgusting or shameful, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I then turn my own reactions as ‘truth’ as ‘how others should react to’ in an attempt to once again make people ‘think the way I do’ and so, when seeing that this is not how people’ mind operate, I react because I don’t get my expected confirmation that: this should not be funny, and instead react with the negative polarity to people’s laughter in this situation, just because I had already judged the actions in the movie as negative: disgusting, sad, shameful – without realizing that me judging such actions does nothing to change the origin and nature of what I am watching in that moment – judging it as bad, wrong, shameful, sad, disgraceful is simply fueling my personality traits as the ‘righteous judge’ that can point out what’s bad and good, what’s right or wrong, which is another trait of my mind and as such, it is of no support at all.

 

I commit myself to stop trying to enforce my judgment onto others, and as such stop my reaction towards others’ reactions when seeing that they don’t react ‘the same way I do,’ but in fact do the opposite to what I experience –  which is how I realize that when I am in the mind reacting, no matter how ‘subtle’ it is, I will always be playing the same polarity game and as such, I decide to stop any reaction or experience within me, and as such, also preventing any comparison in terms of ‘my judgment/ my reactions’ in relation to others’ reactions and judgments, as this only perpetuates the same problems that we see in this world where we remain divided and conquered, in our apparent inability to come to agree on ‘what is best for all,’ which in itself will be an entire process for each one of us to walk.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to throughout my life be very ‘vocal’ and ‘expressive’ about everything that I saw as ‘fucked up’ and ‘wrong’ in reality, in an attempt to ‘change others by witnessing my judgment and thoughts about the problem’ without realizing that only criticizing, judging, blaming, pointing fingers, becoming angry and make a big deal out of what we see is ‘wrong’ and ‘bad’ does nothing to solve the problem, but in fact it only perpetuates it further, since I am only using the mind to create an experience of disdain, disgust, shame, anger and general criticism without understanding the origin and cause of that which I am judging as a problem, and within this, I only become part of the problem by only adding mind-reactions to it, instead of investigating solutions within myself first.

 

I realize that no matter how much I shout, yell, scream and attempt others to see ‘my reaction’ to kind of ‘wake up’ and ponder their own passivity with ‘falling for the humor or good feeling’ of something that I have defined as shameful, sad and of utmost decay, I cannot change an individual only by seeing the opposite reaction to theirs, nor can I through my own emotional experience to how others think and react can I change others either. So,

I commit myself to be able to watch, read, witness social interactions, movies and every day life situations without going into this automated judgment of right and wrong, taking part in the polarization of society where we stand against each other in relation to what we support, like and prefer and what we don’t – Instead I focus on myself, understanding my own reactions first so that I am able to stand absolutely clear no matter what I watch, who am I with, where I am with and develop the ability to understand the origin of something, to relate it to myself, to stop any judgments about it and rather use it to constructively educate ourselves further about how we can change something in particular that we see is not aligned with what is best for all – and that will be an actual process of investigation: how we got ourselves to this point in our lives of maximum consequence, to see what has influenced certain behavior, actions, deeds in our race and so, without reactions or judgments, be able to establish a solution, which is what I am committed to doing here, myself.

 

I realize that judging, criticizing people due to the amount of money, power, superior position in the social pyramid does nothing at all to solve the extreme inequality we’re facing at the moment, nor will my reactions help others to look further into the problem either. I can only first ensure that I stop projecting blame, judgment, criticizing, getting exalted by witnessing – even if it is through a movie-a part of myself, a part of the reality I am collectively accepting and allowing, and that is actually fueled by the same thoughts, feelings and desires that we all participate in our mind whenever we seek something ‘good’ or ‘positive’ in our lives, disregarding what it actually takes to get it, who we are abusing to obtain it and how we impact each other’s life by it.

 

I will continue to disclose more on these judgments that come up at times, and that had become almost an automated-acceptance until I am able to be entirely clear and not have these fleeting ‘acceptances’ and excusing them with the idea that ‘well, I might open another’s eyes by me expressing my disgust about it’ because this only perpetuates the problem – and ultimately we all know that: that which we judge in others, we have to first take back to self.

 

Di Caprio crawling to car - Wolf of Wall Street

Bottom line: I suggest watching the movie to check your own reactions too

 

Vlogs:

Are You Ashamed of Humanity?

Economic Self-Education with The Wolf of Wall Street
Wolf of Wall Street Review and Response to Anna Brix

 

Blog:

152. Human Race Embarrassment: Shame on Us « MarlenLife’s Bloghttps://marlenvargasdelrazo.wordpress.com/2012/09/14/152-human-race-embarrassment-shame-on-us/

 

 

To stop judging humanity and start taking self responsibility:


279. My Ambivalent Relationship with Rewards

Let’s look at the word Reward  – and just like any other word that we get to understand as the physical and mental activities or inactivity or condition that it implies, we have to look at what on Earth must we have accepted and allowed for such meaning to exist.

 

Continuing from:

reward
n    noun a thing given in recognition of service, effort, or achievement. a fair return for good or bad behaviour. a sum offered for the detection of a criminal, the restoration of lost property, etc.
n    verb give a reward to. show one’s appreciation of (an action or quality) by making a gift. Ø(be rewarded) receive what one deserves.

 

The following blog allowed me to see the actuality of what this word implies: Mind Value System = Money Value System: DAY 275 

Quoting:

“Which then brings us to our Current Money System – based on a Value-System within the context of ‘Reward’ within the Framework/System of Consumerism: the More Value is placed on Products, the More Money you Pay – with the More Money coming from the very physical labour of/as your physical life force, and so essentially, you “pay with your Life Force”, to make Money – with the Money representing the value of your Labour/Life Force you put into it, to consume products/material possessions that are accordingly Valued in relationship to the Value of the Reward it provide to Humans.” – Sunette Spies

 

The only reason why we have created such form of recognition as an ‘extra’ point is because we haven’t given/gifted ourselves with the necessary value to stop this malarkey of having to ‘give us rewards.’ I absolutely agree and I am glad that this has cleared up to realize that it is in fact a word indicating the ‘extra-value’ that we fool ourselves with in order to recompense/ remunerate someone for their ‘good job.’ The reason why I see this as foolish is because I have considered that it is our task and responsibility to do everything that we participate on to the best of our ability. Now, I must say I haven’t lived by this to the T, I mostly only extended it to what I adopted/ believed was my ‘only duty’ which was being a student, and as such, I would mostly not see the tasks and assignments as ‘chores’ but as single points of responsibility that I had to give direction to no matter what  – yes, there was the ‘fear factor’ of ‘what will happen If I don’t do it’ and many times I broke my own ‘immaculate record’ just to prove myself that I can fuck around as well – quite a self sabotage pattern that I still see I play and which will be addressed because as everything: it is linked.  And now I see the relationship between the line we can blur and re-signify in terms of giving/gifting.

 

So, the word ‘reward’ contains the word ‘award’ and this brought up the memory of when my father would give me some money because of doing good in school – I’ve told this story before here in this blog but just for the sake of seeing the ‘reward dimension’ again –  so, I would initially reject it, because to me having the ‘best grades’ was not really an ‘honor’ but just ‘doing my job’ and this is where the whole construct of ‘rewards’ begun with the negative-imprint toward it, because of my father’s insistence on giving me money for it and how I would then, after a ride of mixed feelings and emotions about it,  end up accepting it along with morality obstructive-aspect of ‘this is not required/ but I also can buy this/this/that with the money’ – thank you Father!’

 

And so, this would happen most of the times that I had my grades given at the end of two months or at the end of the school year, I would sometimes not even want to share them with him because I knew he would feel compromised to say ‘here’s some money, buy your books or cd’s’ and yes, that’s how I mostly earned up my music and book collection, by always having this positive-score as a ‘good student’ and as such my parents wanting to ‘reward’ me somehow. So, within this we can see the aspect of reward: I can buy what I like/ an extra/ a luxury out of a point of recognition for ‘being a good student.’  And it certainly became this form of ‘secure fund’ in a way, which indicates how I obviously DID participate in the rewards point after stepping on my own ‘moral codes.’

 

The most usual form of reward begins when we are babies and we’re eating vegetables/actual food and we are given a spoon of something sweet in between as a positive reward for keeping eating. Quite a foolery really because that’s how we got used to always seeking for something sweet after we ate the whole meal, and if not, it wasn’t a ‘fulfilling meal,’ which means how we created this positive values to sugar and virtually discarded all the actual nutrients we would get from the ‘real food’ just because of not getting that ‘last heavenly experience’ of something sweet.

 

Another one is allowing us to watch TV/ go out/ play if one has finished the homework and as such, obviously there will come a time when full rebellion is sought in this restrictive pattern, because this reward system is simply an energetic trickery that is not based on common sensical understanding of our responsibilities and duties that we should have all acquired from birth with our parents as a principled living condition: I support myself because that enables myself and others to live in Self Responsibility – however this does not operate as such, and as they say here: we do not give a step without a shoe – which means, we always ensure that whatever we do: we will be properly rewarded for. Otherwise, why would anyone remain in our current Schooling System? Oho!

 

Now, here I am not placing myself as a genuine ‘common sensical’ person because I did seek rewards in many other ways in my life, however I am disclosing the pattern of attaching a negative value to rewards based on memories.

 

So, when my father was extending the hand with money as a reward for me being a good student, I would literally place my hands back and it’s like when you are a kid and you want something but at the same time you don’t. The reasons were because I grew up with this sense of Lacking money all the time, always wanting to use the least, to not use up much of our supplies, to be a ‘saver’ of everything and all of this was out of fear of making my father spend too much money on me. I have walked this in a mind construct specifically related toward my father whom I could equate to my relationship with money – from understanding money, how money works, how money flowed in the house, and me forming this constrained idea of ‘we don’t have much money, I should not ask for more, I conform with what I have, wanting more is greed and making my father spend on me is selfish.’ 

 

This I learned through observation, through hearing conversations, through ‘picking up’ my father’s experience when handing money toward my mother to buy food/ the necessary to eat/ house supplies etc. – the same when I required money for books, some school thing and how I would worry to even say the price of it, which lead me to this belief that ‘money is something precious and I am not that worthy to have this money be spent on me’– and I must say that my mother would let me know how I should not worry about this, however I was very tough-headed and stubborn when it came to me believing that we were really in financial strain most of the time and that I should behave with my ‘desires’ – even though it was quite a futile inner conflict, because I would end up getting stuff that I wanted anyways. This is how I can see that I created my own mindfuck just to create a personality of ‘the considerate one that doesn’t want to make my father spend more money than he already does on my education/ food/ sustenance’  – ‘the one’ because I have two more sisters and I mostly would judge the fact that they would spend more money than I did, and as such created my own ego/superiority out of being the ‘noble one’ that ‘refuses rewards’ while they would say ‘hey, if you don’t want it, I do!’  – which would piss me off even more because they were supposed to be considerate and as such, I linked my ‘triumphs’ in school with rejecting all the rewards for the awards, like having the ‘luxury’ to refuse what others would actually want – quite a character as you can see, it’s a double positive construct that implies certain aspects at the ‘world system’ level and at individual level:

 

1. Not everyone can be equally rewarded in this system. In the example I’m walking here, not everyone was able to have a 1st place in class and as such, the ‘throne of honor’ could only be for 1.  I had once a friend telling me: hey, give me your notes (paper with all grades) and I’ll falsify them, show it to my parents so they can buy me all that I want. Which seemed utterly ‘wrong’ to me at that moment and within that begun valuing my ‘self worth’ only as ‘grades’ within school, which lead me to feel that ‘void’ that I have described many other times in relation to seeking to value myself beyond intelligence/ grades/ school etc. – all this consciousness character of knowledge and information that served for one single purpose: to stand as one extreme of a polarity construct of winning and losing which creates this sense of specialness and superiority while others have to end up on the polarity opposite, which I would then also ‘feel bad’ about.

 

2. Getting the positive kick out of ‘rejecting rewards’ and building an ego out of ‘I don’t require rewards to move, I do it for myself’ which was Only to a certain extent also, I mean I got really bothered then when my parents thought it was all because of them but I also did it to keep this self-belief toward others as always having everything right/ doing everything to the T. No flaws – and getting rewards for that, quite bizarre.

  • It is just like in our current celebrity system, wherein people that already have Loads of money get all the stuff for free, because of sponsoring some brand and name that will in return give money-rewards for the person that gifts them the reward of, for example, not having to pay for expensive clothes and items that they can just ‘wear around’ and create a big hype in it. They are not for ‘free’ they are just exhibition items that will in turn give lots of profit for the small cost of giving some gifts. Money calls more money as a blatant capitalist saying goes.

 

4. ‘Winning’ or being recognized for an ‘effort’ or ‘service’ or ‘achievement’ is truly only an acquired value system that is supposed to act as a motivation factor for people to excel, to be better, to be the employee of the month and so forth and don’t get me wrong, it’s cool that we push ourselves to be self responsible, however it should Not exist as part of this recognition/ laureate construct for doing something that should be as natural as drinking water, cooking our food, going to do your work and responsibilities = it is part of what Living is. Within this

  • We got the competition for the rewards and the multiple dimensions of hostility, vengeance, envy, jealousy that stem from everyone fighting to get the great carrot on the stick

 

Thus, how come we’ve gotten ourselves to this point? Yep, Greed, superiority and specialness are aspects that are highly desired within a human being’s experience at a mind level. We have all played a role in it of course and in my case if we take this example: representing the ‘highest score’ represented the ‘greatest reward’ and within this, one’s actual dedication and work is reduced to getting money to buy things that we believe will make us ‘happy’ and ‘content’ for a while without realizing that all our school years and all our lives we are trained to earn these rewards in the form of Money – for what? To buy our life, and continue seeking to get ‘more’ so that we can continue giving ourselves our own rewards that we become so used to, and we justify with the ever-present statement of ‘I worked for it, I earned it’ and in this, we lose complete focus or even insight on how everything that we buy is created, why have we placed certain values upon physical objects as ‘more’ than others to create these ‘precious items’ that only Some can afford or receive as gifts…

Smell the money-god here?

 

Spot the nonsense?

 

Will continue dissecting my polarity-construct with regards to ‘loathing rewards’ and the ambivalent self experience I’d create whenever Anyone would offer some rewards, which determined my relationship toward money that I am obviously only scraping the top off.

Leave you with the key aspect that enabled me to see this:

 

“Your physical labour life force – is for most part, Not Valued AT ALL; humans actually doing physical labour are valued Next-to-Nothing, while human beings doing Mental Labour – are Valued More: here, the REALITY, physicality is valued not at all, while the Mental/Illusion is valued most. So, Physical Force is denied, while Mental Force is Exalted. Which is Exactly what we do in/as our own Minds: Our Imagination/Illusion is Valued Most and so we give/pay MORE of our beingness/physicality to/as it, or shall we say Sacrifice More of our beingness/physicality to/as it. Instead of Investing our Beingness/Awareness into and as Physical Equal and One LIVING – which is not a process of a Payment, it’s a Stand of Realisation and of LIVING. This is Why we don’t LIVE in this physical existence, everything had been Valued according to more/less Reward for which you must PAY with PAY in fact being a SACRIFICE.” – Sunette Spies*

 

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Blogs:

 

Interviews:


258. Spiting The System with Drugs

Continuing from:

220. Drug Culture: Mad Society as a Lifestyle

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept drugs as a form to overcome the dullness, the dissatisfaction and boredom that is experienced at a mind level when living in a society/ world system wherein ‘there is not much to do’ other than surviving through schooling/ jobs, having relationships and no aspiration to continue supporting such an enslaving system that is binding everyone to an endless payroll, and through drugs/ alcohol seeking a temporary ‘escape’ from the reality of suffering and abuse, without realizing that within indulging in drugs and any other harmful substance ingestion, one is contributing to perpetuate the same system of Self-Abuse that one tries to ‘overcome’ through taking drugs/ alcohol and sex – within this

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to actually see why drugs and alcohol have not been absolutely banned/ controlled from our reality, because it is the only way that ‘the slaves are happy’ – the slaves being us/ everyone living in this world system and having only the ‘right to life’ if having money in the pocket.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see why drugs – even in conditions of poverty and scarcity – are still an elitist resource to neglect one’s world and reality while existing as a justification and excuse of ‘the system is ignoring me/ I want to escape from this world,’ wherein a victimization is used as a form to retaliate against ‘the system,’ without realizing that the system is ourselves, and the more we retaliate and try and antagonize the system, we only feed the necessary polarity to cause further friction and conflict that generates further measures of control which leads to more extreme ways of drugs/ alcohol/ weapon trafficking as well as every other activity that goes hand in hand within this drug culture such as robbing, prostitution, gang formation, rapes, domestic violence, poverty, health problems, familial disruption and the list goes on.

 

I realize that the crisis that the ‘drug world’ is stemming from this initial belief of drugs being an ‘alternative’ to this reality as a ‘salvation’ from a physical nightmare, not realizing that such salvation/ little piece of heaven is actually the first step to get hooked on an addiction that will have to be maintained through using money, the same money that keeps this entire system in place which means that no drug consumption can be a way to ‘escape the system,’ since the very money – or any other activity done to ‘pay’ for the drugs – is directly existent within the rules in which our current capitalist system works – thus

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see how there is virtually no escape from our reality through buying/ consuming something that may alter our mind-reality for a moment, as this is equally supporting a business that is illegal, does not contribute to any form of collective benefit – such as taxes – it does not declare any legal profit as any other corporation that might be also antagonized by the ‘rebels’ in society that take drugs/ alcohol, which means that through enrolling in drug consumption/ drug smuggling one is being part of the machinery that is still accepted and allowed as an illegal business that actually runs more money than is often declared by major corporations around the world, which in itself points out how hypocritical it is to be a drug-consumer and dare to criticize the system and even use it as an excuse to consume drugs – without ever considering being part of a solution to create an actual well being that we are all aware is possible to create/ establish in this world – but instead, opt through the apparent ‘easy way out’ that leads to – most of the times – life-long addictions where money is required to keep up with one’s addiction, third parties are eventually harmed through one’s addiction, any form of stability in the system is lost and one’s money only contributes to the drug-trafficking business, which is one of the greatest sources of illicit enrichment in our society.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize how it is through drug consumption that one inhibits oneself from being fully Here as an active participant in society that instead directs oneself to be part of a solution to everything that one wanted to escape from through using drugs/ sex/ alcohol as a way to ‘cope’ with reality. I realize that all the money, time, energy wasted to keep an alternate reality can instead be directed toward a point of self responsibility wherein one instead uses such money, time and effort to investigate how we are all equally responsible for how the system works, how it is actually greedy and selfish as the ultimate self interest to believe one ‘does no harm’ while using drugs – even if you are alone in your house – since drugs are the perfect slave-keepers that disable any ability to stand up within common sense to see How we can instead create solutions, and stop running away from the consequences we have created as humanity as this world system.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see how all complains about the system’s control, disparity, violent measures of implementing justice that leads to injustice, favoritism, corruption and any form of abuse, is used as a justification to decide to take drugs and ‘be apart’ from this world/ escape from reality and ‘flipping the finger’ to ‘the system/ government’ – without realizing the extent of suppression and actual evasion that takes place when one decides to instead of facing oneself and taking self responsibility, indulge into drugs/ alcohol and any other form of ‘escapism’ in order to ‘feel free’ and ‘superior’ than the system, without having the audacity to question why would ‘the system/ the government’ would still allow such forms of self-abuse as ‘acceptable’ in an underground manner, which should be the actual point to realize here: a massive business such as drugs cannot be left ‘untouched’ by the government/ elites that obviously know such business and drug-culture exists, but it is better for them to keep the masses/people with stupefacient drugs and remaining getting money to pay for them, than actually becoming aware of how the system works, why not everyone is supporting each other equally, why we have created a system based on abuse and such actually become a real awareness that is willing to change the way the system works – within this

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize how ignorant is it to actually claim to be ‘spiting the system’ through taking drugs/ alcohol or any other ‘illegal activity’ without realizing that nothing is able to be ‘spiting the system’ as long as profit is made, as long as someone benefits from a drug business  -thus it is to realize how naïve is to consider oneself as a drug consumer as someone that is ‘out of the system’ or ‘more clever’ than the rest of the people that ‘do not consume drugs,’ without realizing how it is actually the other way around, wherein a drug consumer is hooked on paying money/ getting money for a temporary mind-energetic experience while believing there’s some form of ‘freedom’ in doing so, without looking at the obvious self-enslavement that is created within this drug-addict paradigm in which we exist as humanity, no matter ‘where’ in the world we are.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see the actual selfishness that exists within drug consumption, wherein one believes that one is ‘stepping out of the cogwheel’ in the system by using money to consume drugs, without being aware of how such money contributes to businesses that do not declare any form of profit in a legal manner, do not pay taxes and as such only create ‘clean’ integral amounts of money for the benefit of a few that have made the greatest businesses in their life out of human’s weakness for an energetic experience as a temporary high and numbing of one’s reality due to ‘problems’  – either internal or external – that are all generated at an individual level in each human being that has accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become our mind that is always seeking for an energetic experience to ‘feel alive.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect the ways in which money moves and is created in this world, neglecting how banks benefit from the money that runs within illegal businesses of drug-trafficking and instead, decide to believe that ‘I am doing no harm with my own drug-consumption’ – without realizing that no act is ever isolated in a system wherein all parts are always affecting the whole through thought, word and deed.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that indulging in drugs was a way to become a ‘militant of the truth’ wherein the delusions created while being on drugs are beliefs of self being ‘superior’ or ‘more clever’ than the rest of the society that doesn’t indulge in drugs – without realizing how drugs as a business is the perfect way for a few to make a lot of money, since we have accepted and allowed ourselves to create a condition of addiction to the mind’s experience at a physical level through chemicals and substances that create a self-experience that we have defined as ‘more’ than ourselves – and in this, becoming actually tunnel-visioned zombies that care-less about the whole-reality of this world, how it works, how money operates, what are the solutions to this reality and instead, one reduces one’s world to only seeking moments to get high/ get drunk/ take any form of drug as a way to ‘cope with a reality’ that we are equally shaping through our neglect and irresponsibility of taking drugs/ alcohol as a ‘solution,’ which proves the level of ignorance we have all collectively shared and adopted as ‘who we are’ in order to avoid having to look at ourselves as the creators of the world we have tried to escape from through becoming drug addicts.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize how such a perfect form of control is able to be implemented by those with specific interests to keep the ‘masses’ occupied in ‘getting high/ getting the next fix’ – as this narrows down any possibility of actual human awareness of the system of abuse and how we are all equally responsible for it – thus

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see how it through the condition of myself accepted and allowed as a mind that enjoys certain experiences of emotions and feelings, that I become a potential drug-user which is not only in the form of our street-drugs/ illegal drugs, but legal drugs for psychological treatments and procedures to create an apparent ‘remedy’ to a condition that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to develop as ‘who we are’ the moment that we believed ourselves to only be our mind and equating life to an experience, missing out all potential to discover what life  really is when reducing it to a series of chemical reactions that must be constantly generated through drugs/ alcohol or any other substance that functions at a mind level, which implies that:

We are all equally responsible for the existence of drugs as a problem in our society, since drugs only function at a mind level and the moment we have all collectively agreed to create a system that only satisfies a few mind-systems seeking constant fulfillment/ pleasure through experiences of the mind we are all agreeing to ‘live’ only to experience these experiences at a mind level defined as ‘happiness,’ without investigating why and how we have to seek for such ‘highs’ and then drop into a low within the mind, and as such realize that the can be an actual physical and tangible way to prevent drug-addiction sin this world, and that is through implementing a world-system based in Equality, wherein our current capitalist system can be aligned toward a best for all outcome with equal-share of all the benefits that only a few get and as such, build the societies that we only ‘dreamed of’ and sought to escape to in our imagination, while missing the fact that we have what we require to do so, to live it out in reality and work together to implement such well being – and within this it is to also see and realize that

 

One will have to give up this self-experience of fulfillment and enjoyment at a mind level to actually focus on the matters at hand as the physical reality that we must all become aware of how it works i n terms of the actual social, political and economical system that has lead us to the current state of the world that one seeks to escape – and instead, direct such anger, frustration, boredom and resentment toward ‘the system’ toward a feasible and practical solution that can be implemented by political means wherein all common sensical living as what’s best for all, is always able to be identified by oneself.

 

It is thus to realize that there will be no need to ‘escape from reality’ if we all instead dedicate ourselves to create a world system that supports all beings equally as Life, creating an actual respect for oneself and each other to create a system wherein on one will have a need to ‘escape’ an actual heaven on Earth we can all agree to create through a democratic vote that each one has the power to exert within the  Equal Money System – it is about time we stop numbing and harming our being that is fully functional and that of others through promoting ways to ‘escape the system’ and instead, work together to make of it the system and reality that we have always wanted to live in but believed ourselves to be incapable of changing – that is no more.

 

No more Highs and, No More Lows.

 

 

 

Blogs:

 

Support yourself – Invest on Self Education at Eqafe and stop supporting any other drug of the mind that leads you further into the rabbit hole.


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