Tag Archives: children

188.Con-Sequence

Consequences of ProcrastinationWriting 

The manifested consequence of our creation is what we learn to face within this process  – and one would common sensically consider that because of knowing/ being aware of the potential harm, disruption, loss of integrity when deliberately participating in any thought, word and deed that we ‘know’ is not what best for all, we simply would stop doing it and stop the harm and self-abuse. Well, who we are as the mind is anything but common sensical or ‘sane’ within the logical sense of what sanity should be as a state of equilibrium at an organic/body and mind level. We are anything but that. While reading one of Heaven’s Journey to Life blogs I remember leaving a comment how I was a bit shocked when realizing that we Know what we are doing to ourselves, such as consuming our very life substance in order to create energetic experiences – yet we continue, yet we keep doing it even though the explanation is here on a golden platter for us to stand up and change.

I saw within myself also how the points that I’ve been able to definitely quit and stop and support myself to face the ‘withdrawal’ of were aspects wherein I made a firm decision to change. The moment I do not make this definitive decision, I know beforehand that I will use an excuse to not-change and kind of sneak in the pattern that I am ‘trying to stop’ because in the ‘trying’ there is no definitive action taken to decisively stop something. How on Earth have we managed to fool ourselves? To actually be abusing our lives, our living opportunities of expansion and growth even within the current ‘constrains’ of the system we live in, and simply allow ourselves to be ruled by apathy, by uselessness, by the sheer decision to ‘do it later’ which implies already deciding to do something else that sounds better to me than actually pushing myself to expand my current accepted and allowed automated response to only ‘go for’ that which sounds nice, enticing, comfortable, cozy even within my mind.

 

Now, the consequences… this is the part we really don’t want to face because it is all obviously to our own detriment and within the character walked so far, I realize the piece of self-sabotage masterpiece this has been.  I have also realized that I cannot victimize myself, make excuses, try to explain why I didn’t do it in a way that would sound ‘good’ at the ears of others – nope, I can’t like and all I have been able to say is ‘I have no excuse for that’ and even that sounds like cynicism based on me obviously having judged people in the past that would ‘blatantly’ accept their mistakes and faults and have  ‘nothing else to say’ because apparently, an excuse or justification would ‘soothe the consequence’ in some way, which is always stemming from this inherent human-mind desire of keeping ourselves on the ‘positive score’ of the game, even if everything goes to hell today we rather say ‘oh, but, you know, we did our best, we did everything we could, there was no way to change this’ – and cross our arms and hope to die probably.

Well, that which I see could happen at a global scale in terms of the procrastination we are accepting and allowing to sort out this world, the same I can see in the seemingly ‘unimportant’ points that I have procrastinated, deliberately ignoring the consequences and effect that this single point that I accepted and allowed to leave behind created as an effect in my overall beingness wherein it is rather difficult to pretend that everything is fine when there’s this corpse you’re dragging behind you and stinking every day a little bit more every time.

The consequences are both at a physical reality level and within my own ‘stance’ as a living being, because as we’ve explained before: if the sun refused to shine and postpone it’s glow today, life on Earth would not be possible, if the oxygen decided to withdraw itself from the atmosphere, take some ‘time out’ and come back in a week or so after a run through the universe, would life still be possible? No – and these are all obvious hypothetical points because it is simply not common sense to even conceive that a physical constancy in our world would procrastinate its function – the same applies to our physical body.

 

So, I see, realize and understand that every single judgment I had toward anything else not being fully applied and determined to change within others, must be absolutely reverted for me to face my own deliberate procrastination even though realizing and knowing/ being aware of the consequences. In my mind, it doesn’t make sense obviously to do something that will not be producing energy for it to create an experience about the moments that I am working on something – and this is precisely the ‘withdrawal’ process I see I have to face here – it’s going ‘better’ in terms of being able to spot the moments, however unless a definitive decision is made to stop walking the middle path, nothing will absolutely change/ be corrected.

 

I see and realize that within giving up on a single point and trying to hide/ suppress the actual experience toward it, it simply compounds until it becomes a literal burden on your back – so, this has been cool in order to spot the anxiety in relation to this, which would be automatically coming up in the seemingly unnoticeable moments wherein I would have the least ‘reminder’ of this point that I have to do – however since I’ve been actually working on it, the ‘benefit’ of this is also re-establishing myself as my directive principle which is one of the other dimensions of consequences that emerge when procrastinating: we stop existing as that immovable force that is able to ‘walk through it all’ simply because of allowing ourselves to be diminished and create an entire detrimental experience within one single point that we Know we are not ‘sorting out’ in our reality.

We cannot blame either, that’s just a be-lame act in order to not take responsibility for our actions, and I have walked that as well as it came through while walking all the other dimensions to this procrastination character that you can read from the first day here:
162. Either Do it or DIE

So, my suggestion within this is to give ourselves the necessary direction to commit ourselves to do and act and give direction to that which we have committed ourselves to be and do, to stop generating unnecessary consequences as I see and realize that it is Not required for us to go through hell and back to learn a lesson, that’s just white-light-dovey crap like the ‘paths of the soul’ for us to accept our own self-abuse as a ‘living lesson’ – No fucking way.

Within stopping the first moment wherein we see ourselves wanting to procrastinate, we are able to stop the entire sequence of events generated as a result of our own con wherein we opt for the ‘feel good’ experience instead of doing and working on that which we are aware must be directed and done.

 

Till Here No Further


Feelings and Procrastination

 

”More perspective on the points of feelings is that one tend to procrastinate because you feel good. But interestingly enough you have created those feel good feelings through your resonances through time so that you can trap yourselves so you never have to do anything. Because in-fact you are in constant fear and the only way that you don’t have to face your fear – which is everybody else in this world and the world system – is to create a feel good situation where you can justify why you are powerless and helpless to do anything about the situation in the world and that is how you delude yourself and deceive yourself to never actually take action and to accept the world the way it is, through happiness, feel good little feelings.
And obviously the world system in terms of money, and all the days like ‘Christmas’ and ‘Father’s day’ and ‘Mother’s day’ – all those kind of stuff is supporting your self delusions in keeping you trapped in it. And all the parent’s are teaching their children exactly the same traps so that they can feel good and even say, ‘I mean how dare you, let the child at least live and feel good while they’re alive’. Meantime, you have stolen that child’s life using the deception of feeling and energy.
Understand, the ‘Physical’ do not feel good. The ‘Physical’ will either have pain or no pain. That is all the physical feel. It’ll be either hot, cold – it’s simple physical things, that’s what the physical feel. That’s what’s Real.
One plus One Equals Two.” – Bernard Poolman 

 

So, Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements on consequence to come…

Desteni 

Desteni I Process

Desteni Forum 

Equal Money System 

Fin de la Ilusión

 

Blogs:

Interviews:


125. An Alternative Pop Culture Child: raised by MTV

 

 

After listening to the interview Life Review – Parent Killed by Child and realizing what I was exposed to in terms of media when I was growing up, I can see how the current state of society is a direct mirror of what we have sown. I would feel ‘proud’ of myself for liking things that were not usual for a kid yet were highly charged with a sense of rebellion that I mistook for freedom. And this escapism becomes another way to get high without any drugs. That escapism as an ‘alternative lifestyle’ that I pursued was founded upon realizing the many things that were apparently fucked up in our lives – however, no one really had a clue other than blow the absurdity out of proportion, which became part of the every day influences I grew up with when watching early on Latin American MTV, which was pretty hardcore for a girl 7 years old to watch. I realized that I was making myself ‘strong’ by handling a certain type of music, by being fascinated by visuals that would usually seem morbid and disturbing to others, and this became part of my 6 hours that I would spend in front of the TV – from the time I’d get from school till  I would go to bed. I mean, how can this be ignored in my formative years? I grew up being the perfect A student that would make the homework sitting on a couch in front of the TV listening to Nirvana, Stone Temple Pilots and shows like Head Banger’s ball from which I certainly created my epic stereotype of male that I would certainly fall for flat on my face for. It was all just programming.

 

However the experience that I would get from watching music videos all the time – I was literally in a Non-Stop mode watching music videos. At that time I would not play, it was just going to school and being home with ‘my MTV’ while kids my age were most certainly watching cartoons. I’ve taken a form of ‘pride’ on that, but it also lead me to ‘grow up’ much faster for I was exposed to sexual content that at that time – almost holy fucking 18 years ago – the hottest thing you’d watch was Madonna’s Erotica or Justify My Love- and then came the hardcore stuff like the legendary banned ‘Smack my bitch up’ by Prodigy. Now, I never talked about this obviously – In SRA a couple of years ago I even walked an entire music video that seemed to define my entire visual aspect of sexual relationshipsLakini’s  Juice by the band Live and what I’m aiming at there is how we as kids get exposed to all type of things that we have to ‘kind of make our minds about it.’ I deliberately made me apparently an ‘open minded’ person through the visual contents I’d feed myself with on a daily basis – and hearing to songs like All Day I Dream About Sex and simply linking this entire sexually charged type of content with the world of rockstars, drugs, partying as the ‘alternative way of living’ became like ‘my dream’ to live up to. Obviously, the dream I was simply being presented as ‘the way to go/ follow through’ if I wanted to be ‘as free’ as such rockstars looked at that time – do not ask how they are or what they’ve done with their lives almost 20 years later….

 

And this is how we program ourselves, this is what I wanted to get to because I see that I programmed myself with such an intensity throughout the years from 7 till let’s say 14 with constant literal obsession and fascination for music videos that I cannot possibly make as if ‘I am done with that,’ No way – I still find myself with an open mound hearing people that changed my way of looking at life and reality even if I didn’t consider it as such at the time – and this is where Marilyn Manson comes in, wherein I was deeply caught in the ‘I want to believe in God’ aspect because of my spiritualist beliefs of god, brotherhoods, channels and ‘protection’ while having people like Manson simply shaking the foundation of morality with another show. Yes, in the end it’s all shows, but the point here is how I built myself according to such show and to what extent the good feeling experience when watching someone playing music on stage from that time still gives me an energetic experience that indicates the point is not yet walked – and this is because it’s one of those things that one would rather just not talk about because it actually still fascinates me, which I found interesting how many other points I can see I’ve walked an actual point until there is no further reactions, but when it comes to my relationship with music years ago and the visual aspect of it all – which was certainly part of the non-conscious influence for me to become an artist/ pursue an artistic career – well… now that I look at it

 

When I was a child I wouldn’t play the regular seek and hide games, we would play to be  ‘stars’ wherein me and my sisters would sing songs from our favorite artists. Our parents would record the whole thing and there you go, several tapes with us dancing and singing around in flamboyant clothes – at least in my case, lol. And so the imprint of the ‘who do you want to be when you grow up’ even at that age, as early as 3 years old I wanted to be an artist/ singer/ musician, which is no different to what other million kids want to be and become, really.

So, what happens when you have millions of kids growing up with this idea and desire to ‘become famous’ to ‘hit the jackpot’ and suddenly being impulsed to be ‘the next great thing’? You have a perfect world enter-tamed by an industry that is called ‘Music Industry’  wherein we all believed ourselves to be a bunch of rebels for liking music, bashing ‘mainstream pop culture’ while digging further into ways to further separate ourselves from ‘the herd,’ which is how subcultures are born and upgraded tastes in literature, films, music and any other human expression that we can consider as ‘rad’ which is what contemporary art is all about, an absurd look into society.

 

I would mostly get fascinated by any and all stereotypes of people that would mean revolution, rebellion, antagonism, opposition, ridicule and satire of our world. I can say that who I am became the mix of the words and strength that  I attempted to become as a force that could antagonize the entire ‘mainstream world’ in an apparent defense for life, but it was never really life, it was just glorifying a more apparently ‘free’ type of lifestyle wherein the cookie-cutter archetypes were busy being eaten by  the need to upgrade an entire generation of people that has simply left a space for even more ‘racy’ things to watch everyday. I was amazed when I got an explanation of what Anime is and portrays as I had no idea such things existed –  ‘hard core soft porn’ for kids made cartoon and that’s what your kid watches while you have to go to work to make a living, or even worse when you rather talk with friends on the phone while leaving kids in front of the TV, not knowing what the hell they are in fact imprinting and absorbing like a sponge from the TV.

 

It is not a mystery that this is how I got to learn English: all blame it on MTV and I can even remember asking my teachers about translating lyrics from songs like Seether by Veruca Salt, which was also a shocking video for a 7 year old, seeing women kissing, dogs eating food from open dolls and a general world of the bizarre music archive of the middle of the 90’s. If we dare to look at MTV now, you got programs talking about teenagers getting pregnant, teenagers trying to live the lives of rich and famous, teenagers working in reality tv shows that have become the new soap operas that get the most rating according to the level of stupidity that can be captured in a camera. This goes along with the multiple ‘houses of the famous people’ that you get to see, teenagers having boob and lip jobs, people being obsessed with self-image, dating or any other apparent ‘typical teenager problem,’ without understanding how kids grow up with such influence and simply copy the patterns of what ‘sells well’ which includes a sexually-oriented self-image/ obsession with sex, relationships, dramatic reactions and emotional tantrums that seem to get the most condescendence from people – an exorbitant injection of desire for power as the usual sex, drugs and rock and roll which becomes the holy religion of an entire generation that grew up, just like me: watching MTV and desiring to have that type of lifestyle.

 

Now,  the ‘boom’ became even more when cable TV became a normal thing in most of the countries also around 96/ 97 when the internet started becoming an actual ‘boom’ here in Latin America. It’s fascinating to see how I have been ‘present’ throughout those changes and have also walked the entire point of relationships with people online becoming nothing else but perfect mindfucks of idealized versions of what flesh and bone communication can be about. People that you spend hours talking to but will never meet, they know a lot about you just the same way that they can read a book. And that’s it, our sickly sweet accepted and allowed ‘popular culture’ that has become the breeding ground for anything that you can point out as a ‘problem’ in kids age 7 and onward up until 21 years old, when everything you have absorbed, you simply start playing out as ‘who you are,’ getting heavily lost within it all if no support or actual communication about the actual nature and starting point of everything we have consumed ourselves with, which in my case was music and music videos.

 

So, I could go on and on writing about this, because I was literally training myself to be able to write reviews for music albums and be an ‘alternative music encyclopedia’ when ‘I grow up,’ yet I didn’t do it and instead even pursued my own ‘artistic career’ in the realm of plastic arts – in the end, I did walk my own accepted and allowed script of ‘becoming an artist.’ And I see how music in my case was the perfect trap that I could have certainly remained easily duped by for a long time, if it wasn’t about me taking it on as part of my process to actually see how I had created this entire ‘Escapist/Rebellious’ personality when and while listening to music, the very idea of going to a concert, the compulsory consumerism toward music magazines and cd’s – at that time. All of it part of my main distraction that I would sometimes mix with watching TV series and CNN later on, always smelling that ‘there was something profoundly wrong’ but not being able to point it out with my finger, and when listening to musicians speak many of them became my inspiration to speak up as well, but I just didn’t know where or how to do so. Thus I accepted the closest reference I had of ‘challenging the accepted norms’ and I know that I have been some type of ‘dissident’ my whole life, yet being quite profoundly fond of the rather disturbing and morally-challenging type of stuff, which entails one single thing:  there was a deep sense of gratification with it, as I would not consider at all a ‘better world’ in that moment. I was essentially giving myself up to live a life of opposition, rebellion and antagonism toward ‘the establishment’ because after all, that’s all I learned from musicians challenging the lives of people – all really just another type of soup to give to the necessary opposition within a system, to really make it all look as if we had any say within our lives, to really make it look as if we could choose what is ‘best for every one’ – yet holding on to our personal fetishism that we all know exists because we got a reference to it in one way or another.

 

Thus the influence on kids from the media and being the brewing ground for perfect ‘disobedient beings’ is being paid for by you and me on the current programming we get on Media. Hence there is No Real Opposition at all, it’s just another show and façade that we believed was ‘superior’ in our minds, just for the shock value it represents – but that’s about it. I would often become disappointed of my so-called ‘heroes’ when and while I was going through puberty and seeing them all essentially decay, subsumed by their own wishes to rebel and ending up consumed by the drugs, alcohol and unsettling type of lifestyle they end up living, which is of people now in their 40’s and 50’s that I used to admire almost 20 years ago, while being a kid.

 

Now, what do I want for kids in this world? Certainly not to be exposed to all types of stuff and toys in and of the world without being able to communicate effectively what a ‘character role-playing’ this world within and as fun and games actually is. I mean, just observe hide and seek, the entire adrenaline rush coming from the actual fear of being caught hiding, I would sometimes almost pee my pants for that, as well as being locked up in places just to make a moment of fun for others trying to make me believe of magic witch tricks that I simply kept being fascinated to know about while growing up I mean, did anyone really ever consider to what extent we become that which we program ourselves with in our immediate environment? This is actually quite a cool point, as it reveals how it’s not so much about what stuff you may watch on tv, but the communication you may have or not have with your parents.

 

Parenting is the most important job in the world at the moment and it is the point wherein we are lacking heaps of self-support to be walked to in self-agreement, wherein you and I can ensure that we bring children into this world that Can discern between reality and fantasy, that can discern between role-playing games with costumes and every day living reality wherein self-responsibility cannot ever really be avoided for life, but instead develop a physical relationship to ‘playing’ instead of just worshipping those that instigate the type of characters like ‘follow your dreams, don’t give up  – and what did I became?  A very fond girl of just cultivating my own ‘alternative lifestyle dream’ as the result of having decided to give up on this world and as such, only seeking to ‘make most of it.’ I became deliberately evasive to add fuel to my ‘tortured soul’ type of personality – and through this old, music was the soundtrack, I certainly would not want a child to do as I did, as that can certainly lead you to be the perfect drone on Earth, an aloof individual essentially just waiting to die and get some fun in the meantime.

 

The insanity that we have blamed the media for what we have become is really only our reflection. And at all times, the support of a parent in order to assess the contents, events, experiences that one will handle through life must be walked by the hand of the parent, as it is clear how the greatest point missed within this is the education that parents and anyone that is aiming at being a parent must consider as a basic point of support to ourselves as children.

 

Investigate Desteni  and the Desteni I Process wherein we walk a process of Self-Forgiveness to realize How we can practically become beings that always do/ say / think what is best for all life. Check out Neighborism to walk a living process to stop the old ways in order for the new to emerge.

Desteni Forum to support yourself to identify the characters and copycats we’ve reduced ourselves to be and become and this way, learn how to live.

Equal Money System: we won’t require to accumulate people being fascinated with ‘being famous’ as all will act and live according to that which can ensure a legal life of over-excitement and rebellion. Time to consider a new way of living out of the usual schemes we have secluded ourselves in within our little bubbles of consumerism and pursuit of happiness.

 

A Life in Equality is yet to be known on Earth.We are walking the process as it.

7 Year Journey to Life is the key to step out of this brainwashing machine we have locked up ourselves into.

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Interview that allowed me to open up this point among other considerations in our current world:

 

Blogs that review the Bizarre Oddity we have become:

 

“Thus, for most part – what defines a MAIN character/personality is all the sub-characters/personalities that is accumulated within it throughout one’s life, as the MAIN character/personality’s process of evolution, in developing/constructing/manifesting ways in which it can evolve as ensuring its survival and eventual materialization of the origin as the purpose of its existence: the want, need and desire that activated it in the first place.” – Sunette Spies


113. Who am I within Judging Communication?

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an expectation about communication with another based on memories wherein I immediately access the ‘who I am’ toward a particular being in a particular situation wherein instead of remaining here as breathe without holding any expectation toward the moment I am experiencing myself in, I immediately expect the same type of communication that I have judged as a ‘routine’ and ‘always the same,’ without realizing that it actually takes two to ‘complete the set up’ of recreating a moment based on playing characters instead of actually being able to stop the pattern and instead create a different scenario wherein we can actually decide who we are within such moments.

 

When and as I see myself going into an immediate future projection of a moment I am about to experience myself in with another being in a particular ‘well-known situation’ and already preparing myself to live out the ‘usual format like communication’ – I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am able to remain here as breath, no expectation toward the moment and as such, support myself to step out of character and break the memory-cycle by actually daring to communicate/ instigate communication within an unconditional starting point wherein I can actually decide to direct/ drive the communication into a new direction that stops the usual repetition we usual ‘fall into’ as human beings with our family/ friends, relationships on a day to day living.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself judge someone for asking the same questions and holding the backchat ‘he/she keeps asking the same questions, always saying the same things’ wherein I simply keep a straight face looking ahead without even attempting to say something ‘out of the format-questions/ answers without realizing that it is me the one that can actually direct the communication to sharing myself and interact with another without acting from the past as memories, and that I actually only dared to backchat about the situation because I feared stepping out of the usual ‘script’ of interaction, just to be ‘safe’ which means that I actually feared ‘losing my usual ground’ as the ‘who I am’ toward such particular beings, and not wanting to share myself with another and be vulnerable in a point of communication – in this fearing actually being judged for what I had to say, or for breaking the unspoken ‘usual ways’ we’ve become so used to interacting with one another.

 

When and as I see myself fearing to share myself and step out of the ‘usual questions’ with another, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am the one that determines what the communication becomes in any given moment and that I decide and have the faculty to actually dare to open up and step out of character into an actual opportunity to share myself with another in self-honesty.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge someone and hold the backchat ‘can he/she not be more open, warm and welcoming?’ without realizing that his is how I victimize myself in a point of communication and creating a character that supports another one’s character within complying to a certain format-like communication that I am certainly not enjoying, yet that I am judging as if I was ‘bound’ to it with no say, which is false as I realize that I can absolutely stand up in that moment and steer the wheel in a new direction that can be actually quite refreshing if we dare to do so.

 

When and as I see myself judging another for not creating/ instigating a point of communication that is open/ vulnerable in the moment, I stop and I breathe. I realize that instead of judging them, I am perfectly capable and able of stepping out of the script and direct the communication the way that I see can create a point of actual interaction to get to share who we are and what we are experiencing ourselves as in the moment, wherein we can create a supportive moment/ interaction for one another, which is what I see and realize this world lacks as we have are so imbued in our own personal judgments as fear toward one another that we rather keep silent instead of actually debunking and exposing our own mindfucks, which is actually quite enjoyable.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to and desire to have a ‘comfortable communication/ conversation’ with another yet because of manipulating myself to remain within the ‘parameters’ that we have created through time as memories from the interactions with particular beings in our reality such as family, friends/ acquaintances we believe that ‘it’s always been this way and it won’t ever change’ wherein I go then into the victimized state and self-manipulation of blaming others for not creating a ‘suitable opening’ to really communicate, without realizing that the moment that I go into backchat about the situation instead of actually speaking, I am in fact fearing to break the ‘safe bubble’ of interaction/ communication with another, wherein we both prefer to ‘keep quiet’ because we really fear communicating to one another, as we fear each other’s judgments and ‘stepping out of character’ within the’ who we are/ who we’ve always been’ toward another.

 

When and as I see myself judging a point of communication as dull and restrictive, I stop and I breathe – I realize that the only real restriction is the one existing within me to not actually dare to stop and stir the wheel of the communication in a new and in the moment way, wherein I can actually support myself and another to step out of our characters and really share ourselves for the first time, as I see and realize that we have only kept ourselves this way because we feared ‘stepping out of character.’ Thus I ensure that I am the one that establishes such point of comfort within myself to share myself as within me doing this with and toward myself, I can expand the same application toward another, wherein no judgment is created toward myself or another in the moment, but only focus on being here as two physical beings that are able to communicate unconditionally and/or support each other to eventually be able to communicate unconditionally as I see and realize that one must be the one that ‘breaks the spell.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever ask questions to others in order to instigate a point of communication out of fear, simply because of fearing that they are actually judging me for being silent – which is a pattern that I created as a child – without realizing that the moment that I am fearing another being silent, I am not being here as breath, but conditioning another’s expression within my own mind-frame of memories as the ‘who I am’ within communication.

 

When and as I see myself fearing another’s silence within a moment that we physically share together, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am judging such silent due to my own past memories of being judged because of being silent and always being pushed to speak – thus I realize that I can or cannot communicate based on a self-honest drive to do so or not.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not realize that the only reason why I would either compromise myself to speak or remain silent was only stemming from fear, fear of being judged if I didn’t do so and fear of what they would think about me if I did do it – thus I remain stable here as self and speak in the moment by directing myself to do so or not. I have now seen and realized that it doesn’t matter if I speak or if I don’t speak with another while sharing a moment, such as the typical example of riding with another in a car wherein I have experienced the most ‘restrictive’ situations because I am bound to be with others sharing a space for a certain amount of time – hence feeling compelled to speak, without realizing that I do not require to do so as the desire to do so is actually stemming from the fear of ‘what will they say if I don’t – hence I stop the mindfuck for once and for all and be unconditionally here willing to share myself and willing to remain silent without holding any backchat about it, but just breathing here.

 

When and as I see myself striking a conversation/ asking questions toward another out of fear of remaining silent/ not communicating at all – I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am the one that is able to decide whether I want to communicate or not, and that I can in fact appreciate a moment of just sharing a physical moment with another wherein verbal communication is not always necessary, yet I decide whether I do so or not.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a slight nervousness and anxiety whenever I perceive myself that ‘I don’t know what else to say’ which is actually stemming from the desire to ‘keep the energy up’ within a conversation wherein I am actually wanting to make another comfortable and ‘enjoying the moment’ instead of actually realizing how within wanting to apparently ‘please others,’ I am compromising myself, as I am pushing myself to do something that I in fact do not want to do, but feel somehow ‘obliged’ to do, which is stemming from the childhood memory of me being forced to speak or threatened to be exposed as a shy/ insecure/ hermit type of person if I didn’t do it – hence I would speak just so that I would not be judged by others as a shy, closed and hermit person.

I realize that I do not have to impose my plethora of memories of the past in impose it on the physical reality as the moment that we are living in, wherein I can simply remain silent or continue speaking in the moment without feeling compelled/ obliged or even forced to do so.

When and as I see myself reacting in anxiety or nervousness because of ‘seeing a communication point dying’/ going silent and striking conversations out of fear, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I can actually assess whether there is anything relevant to share in the moment or not, hence I stop fearing stopping a point of communication or remaining silent if there is nothing else to say; within this I stop compromising myself to ‘fill in the gaps’ that I feared as the ‘horroris vacui’ that I’ve created when interacting with another, wherein I have feared them judging me as being ‘short-worded/ laconic and/or introverted’ for not speaking too much, not realizing that there two reasons for this.

  • 1. Because I would assess my own communication with others according to ‘who they are’ within my mind, hence limiting myself to speak and communicate with those that I would deem as being compatible with myself based on personality
  • 2. Because of the memories of my mother pushing me to ‘keep conversations going’ as in keeping a positive attitude and moment, wanting to deliberately make others ‘feel good’ in the moment of communication, making them feel like they’re welcomed, without realizing that this was just the ‘good person’ type of play out wherein I learned from my family to always be charismatic and open/ welcoming toward others as a means o show ‘hospitality,’ without realizing that the starting point of these type of applications is always self interest, to have people / visitors that would come to our house deliberately speaking ‘good things’ about us for being such ‘welcoming, warm hearted people’ that would treat guests very well, which is then actually the typical mechanism of sowing ‘goodness’ to reap ‘goodness/ positive feedback’ in self-interest only.

I realize that I can simply end a conversation the moment there is nothing else to say, and that I can also remain silent with another for example in a car, without compromising myself to ‘keep the conversation going’ out of a dishonest starting point such as fear of being judged for being silent or fear of not being ‘acceptable’ for another. Yet I have realized that I can actually communicate with others and enjoy doing so, once that communication is no longer bound to being only a particular character based on memories of ‘who I am’ toward others, but that I can decide to create an openness and unconditional interaction toward others, wherein I can practically break the cycles of the past by me not playing out the past as myself any longer.

When and as I see myself fearing remaining quiet with another, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I do not require speaking all the time to exist and be here.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I would always have to create something ‘astounding’ in my life in order to have something to speak about with others, just because I reduced communication to sharing about that which I would be able to categorize as ‘outrageous’ or ‘out of the ordinary’ point, which is how we have conditioned each other to talk about our ‘quests’ in life that are apparently what makes us ‘live’ and be ‘alive’ every day, without realizing that I am in fact only being and becoming a single copying mechanism of others in order to reduce communication to a single story-telling to instigate emotions or feelings within another in order to assess it as a ‘successful communication’ which is being able to instigate within another a sense of enjoyment or even distress to assess that I have in fact established communication, as we have only defined communication as the interactions of our minds, instead of an equal and one unconditional sharing in the moment, without believing that we have to make another ‘feel’ what we ‘felt’ in a certain moment, as I see and realize that such feelings are not part of the physical reality that I can share instead as physical facts and doings, instead of feelings and emotions that seek empathy from another, and dare calling that communication.

 

When and as I see myself to believe that I have ‘nothing interesting to talk about with another,’ I stop and I breathe – I realize we have conditioned each other to believe we can only communicate if there’s ‘something to speak about’ as that which in our minds is ‘more than’ other regular every day events, simply because of how we have conditioned each other to consume memories to share with another as means to prove ‘who’s got the best living experience of both,’ which is how people share each other’s quests and conquers as a means to be adulated or bashed for something, which in the eye of the mind is equally ‘cool’ as an experience is created in both participants, which is unacceptable as this is how we go ‘building our lives’ in means of creating a point of distress or absolute outrageous activities/ situations in order to ‘have something to talk about,’ as we have learned that the most ‘popular people’ are the ones with ‘outrageous/ out of the ordinary’ type of living, which is one of the reasons why we seek to have money in this world: in order to buy ourselves experiences that we can later on share with another in means of being envied or creating jealousy as that makes us feel ‘better’ about ourselves apparently, without realizing the actual system that we are keeping in place wherein not everyone is able to have the same opportunity to have such ‘outrageous lifestyles’ which only reinstate and confirm that we are willing to communicate and even praise those that are wiling to abuse themselves or others in the name of having some ‘good story to tell. ‘

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that being silent is ‘okay’ with another because I have already established a relationship with them, hence not feeling compelled to speak or share because ‘I’ve secured them within my domain,’ which is a usual pattern that would ensue within relationships, wherein the belief of ‘not feeling obliged to speak,’ comes because I believe I don’t require to prove myself to others as being ‘worthy of communicating/ being with,’ which is then actually stemming from the fear of being rejected or being seen as ‘unworthy’ to hang out with/ communicate with, which is how communication because a ‘tool’ for me to only prove that I can be accepted by others, without having realize that I had not even developed the basic understanding of myself and my own mind to see the staring point of my communication as deceptive – thus I realize that it wasn’t really that I ‘enjoyed the silence,’ but I simply associated such moments of silence with a ‘secured relationship’ that I didn’t require to ‘keep up’ because of thinking and believing that I had completed the ‘absolute conquest’ type of application wherein I perceived that I could not ‘lose’ such relationship and that I had them ‘feeing on my hand,’ which is the moment wherein I would actually turn despotic about a relationship, just because of believing that I didn’t have to ‘grow it’ any further, which is actually self-manipulation and desire for control at its finest.

 

When and as I see myself feeling comfortable with another in silence, I stop and I breathe – I actually verify myself to be fully here and ensure that I am not loading any memories or past definitions in the moment and that I am in fact being unconditionally HERE, sharing a physical moment with another wherein words might not be compulsory yet still available when and if there is a requirement to speak. This is then the ability to share a moment with another wherein words are not required for a moment and actually be able to enjoy simply being and breathing.

 

This we can see in the world wherein people talk mostly about their parties, trips, deceptive ways in which they earned a lot of money, the amount of partners they have and the frequency of the sex they have with them, the stuff that is bought – as well as all the negative such as having a ‘bad life’ in any way wherein conversations revolve around blame, self-judgment, guilt, memories that are re-lived in the moment in order to feel depressed about something or someone, which is how we have built and created our relationships with family, friends and colleagues based on being able to tell a ‘nice story’ that they can later on feel either good or bad about, as that is how we have defined our lives to be: either a ‘good’ or a ‘bad’ moment based on our own value-schemes upon a life and reality that is clearly filled with ups and downs that we dare to complain or talk about to either praise or bash, but never actually communicating in order to better the physical conditions in the world that are creating such problem and/or seeing how a cool point can be practically implemented for others as well, simply because we have not yet realized that we are the creators of ourselves in every moment and that we decide who we are and what we remain as or not in every moment of breath here.

 

I realize that communication is an actual cool opportunity to start changing our limited ways of relating to one another based on characters, based on a reality that is restrictive and extremely limited/ conditioned to our own mind-frames – thus in order to start establishing an actual point of change in this world, I realize that words and communication have a very important role that is here in our hands to direct to a best for all outcome. This means that we are the ones that, because we see and understand the current limited frames of what ‘communication is,’ it is our duty to now expand and share and educate each other to see how communication can be different with one another if we simply stop fearing each other and take the opportunity to support oneself and another to see life from a different perspective, wherein communication can actually be self-supportive at all times, wherein we practically stop the same cycles of format-like conversations and protocol-like interactions that only ‘fill in the gaps’ of our actual fear to share ourselves with others – we decide who and what we are toward one another in every moment of breath.

 

Walk the Desteni I Process to establish a self-relationship of establishing a self-honest starting point of communication by first getting to know yourself as your own mind.
Support the Equal Money System to stop compromising each other in relationships of fear that create this entire world system as an entire chain massacre of self-dishonest deeds. Time to Stand as the example of how an actual change in the world begins within ourselves

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112. Who am I within Evading Communication?


111. ‘Why aren’t you normal?’

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to accept a belief within me about there being something ‘off’ within my behavior because of being called crazy and ‘not a normal girl,’ which I then took as a point of pride because it would make me feel at least ‘special’ in a way, which then turned into an excuse to play out a character that would essentially justify any decision in life based on having been dubbed ‘crazy,’ hence taking such belief as myself as ‘who I am’ and making myself embody/ become it to the best of my possibility, so as to spite anyone that had called me that way.

 

When and as I see myself judging my expression because of thinking that ‘I am not being normal,’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that I’m acting out of the past according to a single label as ‘the crazy one’ that I believed is/was ‘who I am,’ which I used in order to make myself ‘honor’ the label and as such remain only as an ‘out of the ordinary’ character as a basic ‘eccentric personality’  which is how I realize that we become that which others believe ourselves to be just by giving us a single label and us taking such label as ‘real,’ when in fact it has nothing to do with who I really am here as a physical breathing living being.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I didn’t have to apply self forgiveness for a point that I had deemed as ‘petty’ to consider walking in self-forgiveness, without realizing that it is in the small things that I created entire personalities linked to being called ‘crazy’ and ‘abnormal,’ which I mostly took as a point of inferiority  that I converted into a superiority point in order to ‘spite’ the people that had called me crazy or abnormal while growing up, without realizing how such ‘normal’ and ‘abnormal’ standards were created by parents that would only deem certain characters to be ‘acceptable,’ as such characters would lead to securing a financial future for the child when growing up, as sociable and charismatic people tend to ‘make it’ in the world of business and social relationships that lead to having lots of money – apparently.

 

When and as I see myself considering certain points of Self Forgiveness as ‘petty’ to apply Self-Forgiveness for, I stop and I breathe – I realize that we as the mind tend to make these points ‘less’ in order to keep our entire characters in place. Thus I open up the point and walk the necessary corrections in order to see and realize ‘who I am’ at the moment in relation to such perceived ‘petty’ point.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to as a child fear being judged by others for not speaking, for not wanting to have friends and communicate with other kids , creating several tantrums whenever my mother wanted me to ‘team me up’ with other kids to play, just because I didn’t want to do it – thus creating an entire reaction every time that there was a kid in a social-situation wherein I believed that I had to then socialize with them just because ‘we were kids.’ I would become absolutely fearful of having another kid in the same situation because I knew that the ‘grown ups’ would team us up to play and get along together, but I didn’t want to because I always wanted to be a ‘grown up’ in those moments – hence being called by my mother as being ‘ugly’ because I would not want to communicate and interact with other kids.

 

When and as I see myself thinking and believing that I am in fact being ‘antisocial’ for not wanting to communicate and speak, I stop and I breathe- I realize that this is a condition that I acquired from when I was a child and my mother would force me to interact with people – grownups and children – using subtle threats for me to do so, which would make me fearful of ‘what would happen’ if I didn’t want to interact with other children.

 

I realize that in my mind I’ve made of my mother ‘the ogre’ in my life, blaming her for my own experience however it was really me that accepted and allowed such self-victimization in order to always be alone and always have things working my way as that would make me feel like special in my ‘not belonging’ ideas.

 

I realize that at the moment any point o barrier to communicate with another can only exist if I hold a judgment toward myself and another being – yet I am not defined by ‘who I have been’ in relation to communication and my apparent reservedness as a child.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to go into absolute fear and anxiety every time that we as a family when I was a child go into a social reunion and there was a table specially for kids, and I would simply be wishing and hoping that I would not be forced to sit along with the other kids, simply because of me always wanting to be with the adults, because of believing that I had ‘more in common’ with the adults which is a belief that I held throughout my life in order to feel ‘special’ about myself and not being like all the other kids. Yet because I would not communicate about this, I would only create a point of friction with my mother because of her judging me for not wanting to be with other kids.

 

When and as I see myself believing that I have ‘more in common’ with adults/ older people than me nowadays, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am acting out of the memory of childhood wherein I would always prefer to be with ‘older people’ than kids my age, simply because of believing myself to be a ‘special kid’ that was ‘very mature’ for her age and within that, making all other kids and younger kids as ‘less than me,’ which is what plays out as a point of judgment and comparison toward other beings in relation to ‘who they are’ as their age. Thus I see and realize that a being is not an age, is not a cultural background or even popular-culture associations that I can use to ‘get along with,’ but a single being that is also part of this world and as such what we have in common is being part of the human race that lives and coexists in the same planet – I do not require some point of ‘affinity’ toward others in order to establish communication.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to as a child to go upstairs into my room whenever my mother was attempting to get me to play with other kids, which I absolutely rejected because of believing and perceiving that ‘I was not a normal child’ and as such, I would not want to play ‘childish games,’ but I wanted to be talking to grown ups or watching MTV which is how I created myself as an ‘anti-social person’ that would not get along with people her age for several years until I allowed myself to ‘be a child’ again.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to desire to be older in order to like the type of music that I was listening to when I was 7 years old, which my cousins/kids used to judge me for, saying that I was not a ‘normal child’ because of watching MTV instead of cartoons.

 

When and as I see myself creating a point of separation toward people based on the age group they belong to and believing that ‘I’d rather be talking to older people that I can relate to’ is in fact me speaking from the character of ‘I only get along with grown ups and not younger people’ based on the idea of ‘I am more mature than others.’ Thus I breathe, I stop and direct myself to communicate with others without taking into consideration their gender, sex or nationality – all beings equal and one here.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that there was something profoundly wrong within me for not wanting to play with other kids, often getting to the point of crying because of not wanting to do it, because of not wanting to be forced to do it – therefore creating this anxiety in social events such as parties and so forth because of having gotten stuck with the belief that I would have to be socializing with other kids ‘whether I liked it or not,’ which is how I would mostly remain sitting at the table, because going outside would imply kids wanting me to play with them and I didn’t want that.

 

When and as I see myself still triggering any form of experience when going to a social event/ situation and having a fear of ‘having to socialize’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am acting out of the memory of having ‘loathed’ to socialize with others and the distress that I would create whenever I was forced to do so – thus I direct myself to simply remain here as breath and when and if the opportunity to speak arises, I speak, I share, I communicate – yet I do not judge myself for not speaking either, as I realize that any belief of ‘having to socialize’ was imposed as a parental order that I simply complied to out of fear.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start avoiding social interactions based on the premise and memory of my mother pushing me/ forcing me to socialize with other kids, simply because I would not want to do it ‘by myself’ apparently – yet deep inside me I was only wanting to be self-directive to do it ‘on my own,’ which is how I would always react whenever my parents wanted to ‘do things for me’ such as hooking me up with friends to socialize with.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create  a notorious preference to only want to socialize with ‘my best friends’ from school and seeing everyone else as ‘less than’ my friends – which is how I would mostly deem that I had nothing to do with other kids, leading me to simply remain alone and wanting to go home to be alone, wherein I would not be ‘disturbed’ by others, which is essentially not being challenged to step out of the rigid preferential character that I developed as a child, wherein I became an elitist from an early age because of only wanting to ‘socialize’ with kids that ‘I liked’/ my best friends – and making everyone else just less than and annoying, therefore developing a character that would only have ‘few friends’ that I would be able to fully express myself with, reducing such friends to one or two people in my world that would support my judgments toward the idea of being with ‘too many people’ and/ or being deliberately apathetic in social situations, wherein I would sometimes push myself to go just because of not wanting to be judged again as ‘the hermit’ and  ‘the weird odd one that never goes out’

 

When and as I see myself wanting to go ‘go home’ whenever I am in a social situation, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I made of ‘my home’ my safe heaven to not have to challenge my ‘rigid patterns’ as characters that I have believed can be influenced if I am ‘too exposed’ to the world. Thus I direct myself to move and open myself up with others without any form of prejudice toward doing so, as I see and realize that it is only through communicating and sharing with others indiscriminately that we can actually establish an equal and one recognition of who we are as physical beings in this world, and as such learn how to coexist in a way wherein our characters do not interfere in our communication, but stick to physical practical common sense at all times.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself when being silent among others, as I see,  realize  and understand that these are essentially beliefs that I created about a ‘social context/ situation’ as a place where I had to speak no matter what by force, thus creating a general negative experience whenever I attended any form of party and not really enjoying it because of being fearing having to socialize with other kids and play games and ‘act childish’ which I judged as ‘inferior’ for my age – even though in reality I was in fact an infant.

 

When and as I see myself believing that I am being judged for being silent, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I grew up with the belief that whenever I was with other beings I had to be talking in order to be sociable and ‘charismatic,’ without realizing that this is just a belief system and that there is no need for me to be constantly speaking in order to be accepted and judged as ‘normal’ by others.

 

I realize that I would have not created such a fear to speak as a child if I had not been pushed and deliberately to do so, which is how it only became a way for me to ‘go against’ my mother, as part of that ‘opposition’ I developed against ‘her rules,’ which is how I see and realize that it was mostly a rebellious pattern that I took as ‘who I am’ toward others, and believing myself to be anti social, without realizing that if I had been left to socialize ‘at my own pace,’ I would not have created such a friction and resistance to do so, simply because we tend to oppose and go against that which we are forced to do by our parents. Thus

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having judged myself and gotten even angry for me not being able to understand why I was so reluctant to get along with other kids, becoming essentially a hermit by choice and having this memory of me being in a party at my house and just going upstairs and locking myself into my room because of not wanting to play with other kids. My mother came eventually came in and got very angry at me because I didn’t want to participate with other kids, thus beginning crying and not being able to understand why I disliked being with other kids, why I resisted getting along with other kids  and why my mother would be so infuriated about me not socializing. I realize that I would react because of it being an imposition and not a point of self-directed expression, which is how I developed myself to be a loner or a person with ‘few friends.’ What I would then believe and do is simply oppose and distance myself from any person that in my mind ‘at the eyes of my mother’ would be a ‘suitable friend,’  just because of keeping that point of opposition and friction toward my mother at all cost, which is how I developed a personality that would go against what I perceived were ‘her parameters’ and expectations’ toward me – and choosing people as friends and relationships that I knew would not be fully accepted by her, which all came as a point of spitefulness from the times when I was a child and being forced to interact with other kids.

 

When and as I see myself going into any form of ‘down’ experience because of apparently not being able to ‘relate’ to others in a social context, I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is just stemming from the past memories of me being forced to socialize wherein I would then believe there was something ‘abnormal’ within me for not wanting to play with other kids. I direct myself  to simply be in the moment and taking to people as who they are in the moment and realizing that I do not have to speak all the time, yet I do not have to go and hide either as I realize that the moments when and as I see myself wanting to ‘get out’/ ‘get away’/ ‘go to my room/house’ is in fact a character taking place wherein I am believing myself to ‘not have anything to do’ with the context in the moment.

 

Thus I ensure that whenever I decide to remain quiet, I do so from the starting point of being here as breath – and whenever I see myself wanting to go to my room, it is an actual self-directive decision in self honesty and not stemming from backchat of inadequacy in particular social contexts such as parties/ reunions and events with more than the usual people in my environment.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid or even reject looking at myself as ‘antisocial’ because of believing myself Not to be so – yet by resisting it, it is implying that I am in fact fearing labeling myself as antisocial, without realizing that I don’t have to be ANY label at all, as all that I am is here as a physical being that in no way is defined by a single label denoting an aspect of myself that was created out of an imposition/ fear by parents or society in general.

 

I realize that I decide who I am in every moment when and while being interacting with other beings, and I ensure that I am not defining ‘who I am’ in every moment as in seeing ‘which character am I playing?’ in a social context – I direct myself to remain breathing and participating/ communicating and not considering ‘who I am supposed to be’ within such situations.

 

I commit myself to expose how when parents force their children to socialize, children develop the opposite pattern as the friction created by instigating communication through force is definitely something that remains as a ‘grudge’ within the child, developing anti-social patterns just because of parents always wanting kids to be and do ‘positive things,’ which is actually stemming from the fear of kids being – in this case – antisocial.

 

I commit myself to remain silent if I see and realize that I am here breathing and that I do not require to be talking all the time in order to exist.

 

I commit myself to expose how children are indoctrinated to be ‘optimum’ within the social standards that regard ‘sociable kids’ as charismatic, happy and joyful as people that will grow up to develop proper social relationships in order to make money and survive in this world. Thus I see and realize how as children we are immediately being wrought in order to become ‘good social material’ in order to ensure our own survival in a world where ‘sociable people’ make the most money because they are ‘positively charged’ and this is what ‘the system likes,’ never considering what such impositions have created upon a child. Thus children in an Equal Money System will never have to be and become subject and or forced to act in a particular way to ensure their survival as money will be given to all to have a dignified life from birth to death, which will enable real expression to develop within children and adults once that we stop binding each other to ‘social norms’ that lead to a ‘successful living.’

 

 

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Reptilians – How the Physical became the Mind (Part 2) – Part 77

54: God doesn’t play favorites

 

“On the surface, perhaps man scripturally being in charge over women may seem unfair, sexist or overbearing, but this is the reality of the world we live in. The purpose is not about a show of superiority or favoritism ( God doesn’t play favorites ). There has to be one parent with the final word, and thus men and women can’t be totally “equal.” Why ? Because chaos would ensue. If two people ( parents ) had equal levels of authority, I would pity every child…”

FrisbeeGuy87  on Why Woman give birth in Pain and are Blamed for the Fall of Man – (Deleted YouTube Video)  January 19, 2010

 

Why have we accepted that we can’t be ‘totally equal’ and in that indulging in fallacies as potential ways in which assumptions instill fear as to how ‘problems’ would ensue if people were equally empowered in this world. This is a typical example of how through logic/ assumptions and beliefs, we have built a world of absolute separation and limitation through the very concepts that we spread as ‘facts.’ In statements like ‘but this is the reality of the world we live in’ = ‘we can’t change the world, don’t even try’ is implied, and for that, using the example of parents – considering the typical male and female structure –  contains the inherent acceptance of social roles as one of the primary points wherein the hierarchical-existence of society is adopted ‘as is,’ which later on extends within any other realms/ sectors of social matters and endeavors. Why? because that’s simply what ensures that no one ever questions the hierarchical structure of the system, no one then seeks to be equal and complies to the adamant status quo even if it implies abuse and separation.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in a world where there must Always be someone that has the ‘final word’ stemming from an inherently believed sense of ‘power’/ having control over others, as the authority that stands in a ‘superior’ position, instead of establishing equal responsibility toward one’s words and the effect that such words as actions inflict upon the whole which must be equal in all ways and considering what’s best for all at all times.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that someone must always have the ‘last say’ in any given moment as a definitive decision that is accepted as a way to stop discord, which implies that we have believed that equal-power leads to inevitable conflict, chaos and further rivalry, without seeing and realizing that we have only believed ‘this’ to be ‘true’ within a system wherein Equality has never in fact existed, it has never in fact been Lived yet it has been promoted as something to fear. Within this, all we have ever complied to is the separation of humankind as individuals that can be ‘more’ or ‘less’ successful according to social roles – being a male or a female – and the amount of money they own, which has determined and is linked-to the amount of ‘authority’ one has which is one of the basic traps wherein we will only hear those in ‘power’ and in roles that are socially deemed as ‘more powerful’/ of authority due to the credentials as values we believe they inherently ‘represent’ and ‘own’ by virtue of their position within a particular social and economic context.

 

I see, realize and understand that the patterns followed in any social construction have been defined and determined by money as power wherein money decides the type of society that is built, which is a set of norms, rules/ regulations toward the lives of particular human beings in a defined context such  as nation/ community/ gender/ race/ economic status, which complies to greater schemes of hierarchical organization of the world, such as world economies, cultural values and traditions as well as political and religious endeavors that may or may not be influenced also by the natural environment in itself.  Anthropology, sociology, linguistics and other social ‘sciences’ have focused on establishing the differences between individuals, categorizing society into this dissected scheme that is able to be studied and pretended to be ‘known,,’ as a way of establishing ‘order and control’ which is the positivism implied in our current science – while in fact, the point that should matter for all such sciences is developing ways to establish common sense points to live as equals, regardless of the cultural baggage that is currently being carried as some form of ‘value’ that is defended to be preserved, without even daring to question such ‘values’ because we have deemed that as ‘untouchable’ and ‘too sacred’ as it implies digging into personal beliefs that are usually ‘left alone’ for the sake of not causing further riots in ‘sensitive areas,’ which is also a point of abuse the moment that religions step in the way of implementing a way to live that is best for all in Equality.

 

The same goes on at the very basic level of establishing a family nucleus wherein the usual belief of it having to be either a matriarchy or patriarchy is entailing the basic submission that must exist in order to have something working/ functioning – which is the primordial flaw that we have indulged in within society, accepting ourselves to take the position of either being more or less than the partner in this relationship that is the most basic unit of society, that will ‘give birth’ to a child that will comply to the idea of someone having to have the ‘ultimate say,’ regardless of it being in the best interest of all or not. Complying, obeying, suppressing any form of expression that could change the way societies work is then stemming from that very initial acceptance of seeing ‘mom’ or ‘dad’ as the ultimate say at home, and us having no say at all in decision making.

 

Our childhood is a vital point of education where all the basic acceptances at a social level, are transmitted through the very interaction that parents have toward each other. If parents exist in  constant conflict, retaliation, desire to be the one with the ultimate say/ win and the other submitting to it and/or even fearing to voice their perspective– the only thing that’s being transmitted to the child that is like a sponge of all behavior, words, information in his/her surrounding is how to find ways to overcome power and control, or become absolutely submissive to a reality that is perceived as unchangeable, which implies diverting such frustration in other means to get a sense of ‘power and control’ over others, which is how bullying emerges, how becoming a constant ‘fighter’ against the social limiting standards – which begin at home –  finding ways to get the most benefit from manipulating others to do things for us– and the list could go on and on.

 

How often parents fear being a ‘bad example’ for their children? I’d say very often – yet the fact is that unless parents themselves walk through a process of deprogramming the basic social conditions that have been accepted and allowed as ‘who we are,’ there will still be this desire to impose or submit to another in order to continue such ‘social roles’ and prevent conflict at any cost. How many times have we thought that we rather keep quiet to not ‘stir problems’ while neglecting the fact that in us ‘keeping quiet’ we essentially become the links within a chain that will go on generationally, creating submissive humans instead of common sensical self-directive individuals that seek to debunk the most common accepted lies and fallacies and question the accepted and allowed forms of ‘order and control’ in society, taking on the responsibility to ensure that no such patterns are ever repeated within the subsequent generations.

 

There is a lot to be said and exposed from these seemingly ‘acceptable’ ways of thinking such as the quote at the beginning of the post, wherein through fearing ‘power’ and ‘control’ we actually accept such power and control as something real.  Basic common sense  is not taught in schools – what we accept and allow with the existence of one single word as the starting point and origin of an accustomed behavioral pattern within another being, regardless of it being harmful – is what we become/ accept and allow ourselves to exist as a whole. For that, we just have to look at our legislation books and see the amount of atrocities that had to happen in order for us to write laws that could classify them all and find ways to condemn it, other than looking at the root cause/ origin of such problems in the first place.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to comply to the existence of myself as part of a system wherein my own rights are a proof of all of that which is not given as an unconditional birth-right, wherein I have made myself subject to texts as words that have been written in the name of keeping ‘order and control’ through the instilling of actual fear, due to such laws and regulations being the proof of how far we can drive ourselves as humanity in our thoughts/ words/ deeds, wherein only punishment and condemnation is legally established, instead of first looking at the cause/ root of the problem and working toward the correction and reform of such cause/ root of the problem, which would prevent the growth of laws and regulations to classify human behaviors that could be instead prevented and stopped before manifesting as a regular pattern, and realizing how they have been the product of a society wherein the most basic principle of Life in Equality has never been existent.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if we live in a society wherein there is a constitution that ‘defends my rights,’ that I then had nothing to do to better it/ review it, as I believed that everything that any other person would be/ live/ do would fall within the category of ‘being abiding to the law’ while in fact, this is the type of gullibility we have all accepted as a way to not question the application and validity of words implied in laws/ constitutions, ignoring the obvious evidence that there is no sense of law and consideration of Equal-Rights between all human beings from the very first moment that I accept one gender to be above the other as a general social, political and economical factor that determines the lives of human beings in this human construct that is ‘society.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as a child, become used to having one of both parental figures as the ‘dominant/ strong one’ and the other as the  ‘submissive/ weak one’, wherein I then learned that the way to impose my own will was through exerting control over others, stirring conflict and always having to ‘battle’/ oppose another to finally establish ‘my way’ of doing things, without ever questioning why I always had to fight for my right to be ‘heard’ instead of simply being able to communicate and agree on what is best for all to do/ be and say in any given moment/ event/ situation in our lives.

 

I realize that in my case specifically, I learned that the one that gives the money has the ultimate say in terms of buying/ consuming and further expanding the ‘wealth’ of the family – while the moral/ educational authority has the ultimate say toward the education of the children, in both cases neglecting the other side as having equal decision-making stance, due to the accepted and allowed and unspoken agreement of always having someone deciding for us, instead of establishing equal and communal agreements that consider what benefits All members of the family, including the child as a pertinent decision-maker from a young age through deliberately integrating them within family conversations as a way to ensure they grow up as self-aware beings of the responsibility that is entailed within coexisting in a world with others.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in a society wherein children are made subject to the decisions of the ‘elders’ as parents, without having any window of opportunity to support them to also speak/ share and be part of the decision making/ interactions within the family nucleus as parents, which actually leads them to become beings that see themselves as ‘outsiders’ and having ‘no say’ within any social/ family matter, which becomes an actual personality-maim to any living expression that could have developed in a healthy self-relationship if parents would have learned how to integrate the child from a young age in decision making conversations and establishing constant communication with children instead of leaving it all to the ‘educational system’ to do that for them.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept the ‘authorities’ in this world from the initial moments of my interactions within society – which is family – wherein I learned that I had to comply to my parent’s will and decision, wherein I was only told what to do/ what not to do without any further explanations, within that becoming used to abiding to the law as a system that does not consider the actual needs, requirements and self-correction  for such habitual patterns that may induce harm and conflict, but instead simply ‘fear’ committing such actions, fearing asking about them and sticking to the rule of thumb of approving and disapproving without having any space to further discuss/ communicate How and Why such laws exist and are ‘acceptable’ as a category in itself in the first place, instead of addressing the problem and finding the cause/ origin to be corrected as an initial step in the first place, which begins within the education at home.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in a system where the ultimate say is nor a male or a female but money as the actual control point that dictates and mandates the decisions in this world in all spheres and levels of our interactions, which is how and why the importance of removing such basic conditions and limitations to life within ourselves, stems from the realization of who and what we are as Equality of Life and educating ourselves to understand how/why we separated ourselves, which will reveal how our own monetary system is currently re-enacting and perpetuating the same conditions of separation with no aperture for dialogue to ask pertinent questions as to How we have become so imbued within the current monetary crisis and world-wide financial noose, that we have forgotten to ask the most basic questions such as what is money in the world in the first place and how we have the absolute ability to change how it functions.

 

I commit myself to expose the most usual lies and social stigmas embedded at a cultural level that is preventing ourselves from realizing the actual fact that it is only through removing the conditions accepted and allowed as ‘differences’ that we can come to the realization of all human beings and living beings being able to live within a single system that promotes Equality as Life, wherein gender roles will come to be a single identification of the physical body design, but no longer a way to define and constrict the social rights, virtues or perceived inabilities that have maimed human societies through the orders of religion and tradition as considerations for law-making processes.

 

I commit myself to stop within myself any form of belief that would consider me being ‘different’ to any other human being, from gender, nation, race, beliefs and any other point that is currently ‘socially acceptable’ as a way to maintain the differences/ separation between humanity – within this, I stand as the point that represents one single value: Equality as Life, wherein all men are actually equal and living as equals which requires a complete new system that can ensure such words are lived in a physical and functional way and no longer having to be ‘defended’ through righteous acts of violence and wars, which indicate that we have missed the very basic premise of beingness in this world as Life, which doesn’t require to ‘strive’ to be.

 

I commit myself to provide common sense and support for beings that are currently being trapped within the gender-roles within society and believing that being a male or female in any way represents one or another form of limitation – in this, I commit myself to promote equal living abilities for all beings, including animals and the consideration of the environment wherein we as ‘human beings’ won’t exert our own ability to abuse over nature and the animal kingdom, as we will also consider them in an equal way within all decisions and choices we vote upon in order to establish Equality as Life.

 

I commit myself to continue educating myself about how the world works, how we have existed as a perpetual stigma toward our own gender based on what we have accepted and allowed in a blind manner as ‘education’ which has been indoctrination to continue the ways of a system that only could thrive if inequality is existent.

 

I commit myself to walk my own mind to see where I could still harbor this ‘gender roles’ as dictated by society, and within this ensure that whenever I speak, I speak as a living being that holds no preference for a particular gender, but represents the words that I as a living being see are pertinent to communicate to re-establish the will of Life as living words in each one of us, which is a process of Self Honesty that we walk and share at Desteni.

 


“I commit myself to show why and how – the only solution to ourselves, humanity and so this world: is ourselves within ourselves as God/Energy-Authority/Consciousness control of separation, taking responsibility and walk ourselves into and as equality and oneness with and as the physical-body, and eventually this physical existence through and as the process of writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application. To, as we stop the separation within, and standing and living absolute equality and oneness as ourselves with and as the physical, we will so stop the separation without, and walk this world/current World-System into and as a System of and as Equality and Oneness, that ensure this world of sacrifice/suffering stop in the name of money, for each to have an equal and one opportunity Life/Living, as we stop the sacrifice/suffering to our own physical-bodies in the name of Energy/Consciousness.” Sunette Spies *

 

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Interviews:

 

Blogs:


2012 The Real Shady-side in Humanity

If Self Forgiveness and Self Honesty become part of an integral human education, therapies will NOT exist. We will instead be able to face ourselves, our thoughts, our own mind as the reality that we actually are, and will Not create this constant battle within our minds when realizing that we have lived a ‘double life.’ We can instead Work with our own Secret Mind to face it, self-forgive it and correct our standing toward ourselves and others. 


But the reality is that we allow ourselves to be caught within the sweet and sour polarities that we build within ourselves and toward others, wherein our relationships are based on ‘how we want to be seen/ perceived like’ – which is acting like the ever-agreeable sugar coated personality toward others, while hiding a seemingly perpetual ‘demonic nature’ that is constantly looming and rearing its head within our own minds: the ‘true nature’ that our mind, our beingness is actually existing-as, is the real shady business that we avoid facing as ourselves.


This came up while watching this therapy session by Carl Rogers enquiring a woman about her personal ‘issues’ in life wherein now – because we are aware of the tools of self support – it becomes obvious that the missing link throughout the conversation with  Gloria – the patient – would be walking through a process of writing herself to freedom, applying Self Forgiveness to stop existing in perpetual fears, morals and guilt-  and then start walking a Self-corrective process, wherein her personal troubles are then directed within Self-Responsibility. 


She continually asks for an answer to the therapist  – same construct that we develop toward masters, teachers, parents, presidents, god or any other perceived ‘authority’ in our reality. This is something common whenever we miss-out our Self-Trust by having lived a life wherein the consequences of our actions eventually lead us to exist within a catch 22 situation that we tend to avoid realizing that: we drove ourselves to-it, fully and completely.  Within her conversation, it becomes clear how she’s fearing having to accept the ‘shady aspects’ that exist within her, which leads her to ‘hate herself’ = thus fearing that her children would also dislike her for having her expose and explain her ‘true nature’ to them. 


What would allow her to accept herself as Self-Trust? Just that, first accepting herself, her thoughts, here inner struggle as something that she can actually walk through if daring to be Self-Honest. Through establishing and living in Self-Honesty, we develop Self-Trust because we will then know that whatever we do, live and say = we will stand accountable for. The way to walk as Self-Trust is realizing that: no matter how ‘bad’ it all may seem within my mind, I am able to Forgive myself, walk the consequences within Self-Responsibility and make sure that I remain building a life that I realize, will allow me to live and express – with no strings attached to keeping secrets and ‘issues’ in my own mind.


Her case is related to having a sexual life after she had been divorced, which by the time of this recording,  it was probably not widely ‘accepted’ – and even now still clouds sexual expression within the aftermath of people that go through divorce, in terms of the discomfort and ‘clash’ that comes up when having children and bringing new partners home. The reality is that, because we have built this ‘construct’ of society based on roles that are apparently ‘unbreakable,’ we limit and constrict ourselves to believe that all we can now be toward this/ that person is ONLY the role that we must remain-as for the remainder of our lives. And what happens when this ‘character’ or role is built upon a dishonest idea of self – which we all invariably are – is that the inevitable truth of ourselves comes to the surface, and we fear having to look at ourselves in the mirror – which is our life, our experience, our very own thoughts that creep up – until we start deeming that we ‘require help’ because: mind possession is in full-developmental stage.
We/ people fear breaking through this self-created bubble mechanism wherein we don’t want to step out of it and see that: the reflection that we create all the time toward others in our world and toward ‘the world’ itself,  is only stemming from ourselves.



The Shadiness

Gloria’s case is one of the most common examples to describe how we all function as human beings when discovering the ‘real nature’ of ourselves, our thoughts, our Machiavellic lifestyle that we believe others are ‘unaware’ of – because it is all delicately schemed in our minds.   Specifically in her case how parents instill a veto to speak self honestly toward children, creating an ‘immaculate image’ of themselves wherein, at the end , when finding out that they  – the parents- lied, there is this entire pedestal that is shattered to pieces, ensuing a general ‘mistrust’ from the child toward the parents and any other human being. This is from the basic premise that parents are the examples and ‘role models’ that children look up to for the immediacy that they represent within their lives. Thus, when this bond is broken, survival mode toward the world and everyone else kicks in, just because of the logical assumption that:

‘If my parents were able to lie to me – what can I expect from the rest of the world?’


Then the child goes into a fight or flight mode wherein general insecurities may unfold, creating an entire personality based on having a constant tag throughout their lives of ‘I cannot trust another’ and –unfortunately- we haven’t built a world based on equality-bonds wherein the child/ person could prove themselves wrong.  So, what is brewed at home then by this single point of parents not being able to communicate and effectively create a platform of support toward children? Children that will grow up in general mistrust, fear, hostility toward themselves and anyone else – it is not about ‘the world’ per se, but how each individual is now perceiving the world ‘to be like’ within the mind, which obviously we manifest as an actual world-reality within the understanding that we are the creators of it.



The Schizophrenic Mind = Mindsplit

The fear that Gloria has toward accepting herself is instigated by morals and social-connotations around sexuality and specifically, within the role of a ‘divorced woman’ – however her example is and can be applied to any event in anyone’s lives wherein we feel ‘split in half’ when living out a happy-kind type of personality toward certain people – yet being absolutely apathetic, hostile and irritable when being absolutely alone – or even while being projecting a glowing smile and having the exact opposite experience in the inside.  In Gloria’s case, the split is following a natural disposition to have sex and having this point of expression colliding with a previous lived role as a ‘spotless mother’ toward her children. These type of ‘splits’ exist because of us wanting to ‘cover up’ the real-deal that’s going on in our minds. And I say ‘real deal’  because if the nature of the human being was ‘benevolent,’ this world would not be the way it is at the moment.


Skhizein = to split – so that’s the basic nature that we are all living as– no need to use fancy labels upon our own ‘natural disposition’ to live as mind-systems caught between ‘our true nature’ and some honey syrup to cover it up. We realize that we can only correct our nature by becoming breathing-walking human beings that are able to direct ourselves in common sense.

What Gloria would have required to read is the following:


“Is the secret mind always visible or do we see it mostly too late? – It’s both – what is interesting with what we’ve done to ourselves is: WE KNOW EXACTLY what we do in moments in our minds – EXACTLY, we can see our mind run in front of us/within us as it moves, and we in no way stop, direct or change it – simply stand back and allow and in that it is ALWAYS VISIBLE and we always then want to change when it’s TOO LATE,  when we see the consequence we’ve created through thoughts/words/deeds but then we get so swept up wanting to change consequence, without questioning the origin, how we created it in the first place: Ourselves” – Sunette Spies


I actually had quite a laugh today when listening to Anu explaining how we in our minds tend to judge any ‘negative thought’ and immediately throw in some heaps of positive thinking to make sure that we stay on the ‘bright side’ of the road. I can remember this very well, what a pity! lol – and yes there’s some British accent in my mind as I write it – because we definitely live in this eternal battle of having to be ‘positive’ and ‘optimistic’ about life, placing fake smiles just to seem agreeable – yet living in a perpetual schizophrenia because our mind, is essentially going the opposite way all the time.


I once thought that hypocrisy was only people ‘talking behind your back’ and then placing a smile when meeting you again. I never took the point back-to-self to see how I was being hypocritical toward myself when wanting to only see the ‘good stuff’ within me and leaving the ‘rough edges’ out of the internal play out when ‘seeing myself.’  Once again: Self Honesty is not nice or beautiful as Bernard Poolman said once, and that remained within me to realize that, all that I had hid from myself – because of ‘not wanting to be negative’- was in fact deliberately chopping off the reality of the actual experience that exists here as myself. It is not only ‘my mind’ that was preprogrammed that way… it is actually Me, the actual truth of myself.

And that, my fellow droogs, is something that may shock us to the core because it debunks any preferred idea and belief that we are benevolent beings ‘by nature’ all the way, and only ‘corrupted by the environment’ as someone through comments in one of my videos said today.


The point that is missed is that we are obviously the ones that created the environment – society is ourselves, and if we exist in constant denial of what exists within us as our own mind, chances are that guilt, remorse, shame and perpetual fear of even exposing such points to ourselves, will lead us to our very own death, because thinking and becoming emotional is ensuring that we remain as Consciousness Systems, using/ depleting the actual life that we contain in and as our physical body that is being burnt – breath by breath – to generate enough energy to transport all nutrients and oxygen throughout our veins. This is what we know and can see with our eyes – so we focus on realizing that every moment that we spend one single breath to fuel a life of self-torture, guilt, shame, fear, remorse and self-judgment: we stop and we breathe. We realize that we are abusing life in that moment as we are consuming the very life essence that we are, and using it to fuel perpetual mindfucks that serve no purpose other than keeping us very busy ‘up there’ in our mind, preventing us from taking a look at the rest of the world that is HERE as ourselves – a world that is built individual by individual, and that won’t change unless individual by individual take the necessary moments to establish a basic platform of self support to become Self Honest.



Can I be Real/ Genuine within a Relationship?

If Gloria had known of the Desteni I Process and dared herself to be Self-Honest about her experience, she would not have to be seeking answers from Carl Rogers for a solution that she realizes she is more than able and capable of pulling out-  because she actually does say it throughout the therapy session. However, she allowed herself to create a dependency on a ‘doctor’ to solve her problems, while keeping stirring a storm in a glass of water because of her not wanting to accept such a natural aspect of  human’s life like sexuality, and exercising it responsibly – which entails developing communication with her children about it  from the get go.  We are the only ones that allow a problem to become like a gigantic snowball the more that we procrastinate giving it proper direction.


See- we/ people tend to see problems only from the ‘tip of the iceberg’ perspective – we don’t like to actually take a deep breath, and submerge ourselves into the depths of the ocean of our minds to see what is the exact nature of the accumulation of these thoughts, emotions, feelings, experiences that we tend to continue ‘covering up’ and eventually only bursting out in an ‘unexpected way,’ as it becomes quite a stench once the stuff starts to rot within ourselves – it is a burden having to carry all that accumulated weight of the past, as secrets that actually require our own constant ‘sustenance’ to keep them well locked and hidden within our minds.


The point that psychology and psychologists have missed is that desire to still give ‘value’ and ‘place’ to human emotions as something that must be ‘accepted’ and only ‘treat’ on a surface value. At Desteni, the moment that we realize that: we are Not our thoughts, feelings and emotions from the perspective of Not being bound to ‘remain as that’ for the remainder of our lives, we recognize that there is a solution to stop living in perpetual guilt, fear, remorse and regret of what we have done.


How can Self Responsibility – such as being Self-Honest within communicating with your own children – be considered as something that could can piss anyone off? This is generational and family-like morals that definitely fucks-up people’s lives. It is unacceptable considering that we are talking about millions of families that undergo this situation, wherein children are not able to communicate about what they observe toward their parents, simply because parents become this nice façade to consider/ look at as ‘authority figures’ (read: fear) with no actual interaction and communication. That’s why parents then also fear communicating with their children about themselves and their actual experiences besides the host-like smiles and format-like questions – and in the end, this is only to our own detriment as society. Thus, it is in the best interest of all to establish solutions so that we may ALL consider the aspects that must be taken within Self Responsibility, in order to stop the past-cycles of being tormented by our own mind = by our own participation in the mind.



Becoming aware of hidden points – being listened by other/ being willing to listen to yourself.

Roger’s technique is  cool from the perspective that he is allowing the person to come to their own conclusions and realizations wherein only some support is given – honesty is mentioned and realizations about ‘acceptance’ are discussed. However, because of HOW the mind works, we realize that these therapies work like a temporary placebo, wherein people may ‘fall back’ into their own patterns if not enough understanding and actual integration is practically walked by the person within a the context of Self-Responsibility.


Another point is that he eventually recognizes that he felt an ‘emotional empathy’ for the patient wherein even family roles are projected toward each other. I must be dead blunt about this, within my own mind that seemed like a sexual power play between Rogers and Gloria wherein this ‘bond’ is created throughout a session just because of the patient perceiving that the doctor is the only one that is able to ‘understand her’ and in that, if feelings are not Stopped and the discussion objectively directed to being that of self-support, it all could develop into something else, simply because we all know how the human mind works when it comes to these ‘irrational passion’ that comes up when there is a point of acceptance where there was ‘non perceived’ before. And this is part of the outflows that all ‘the.rapists’ must take into consideration to not allow themselves to be swayed by their own hormones throughout the session, if they are really willing to support another. The problem is that this ‘empathy’ within our current understanding is still seen as some type of ‘human condescendence’ when in fact, it’s still playing out the exact nature of our mind wherein we are all seeking our personal rewards and acceptance from others to make-up for the general self-rejection that we mostly live as throughout our lives.


We know that it is a popular cliché on how psychologists end up having affairs with their patients. I’m not here to judge it either – this is simply to place into perspective the type of stance and continual self-direction that is required to not get feelings involved when working with another human being if you are actually willing to support others as yourself.  Hence the point here is how psychologists would require to FIRST sort out their own secret mind and establish Self-Honesty within themselves, to avoid misleading an actual session of ‘support’ by their own ‘feelings.’


Cool points to consider for any person that establishes points of communication within their world, as this is in the best interest of all:

  • Will I find myself praising/ caring for this person? Is preference tampering my ability to support another as equals within this process of Self-Support?
  • Are feelings and emotions acceptable within self support?

  • Is this an actual ‘separate’ person that I’m talking to?

  • Do I have to understand the inner world of the other person/ see through their eyes/ move around the world of their feelings so that I know what it’s like to be ‘them’?
  • Is expressing feelings beneficial within communication?
  • Is construing  an experience out of a session of Self-Support actually Supportive?


I watched all parts of the Gloria case and there are several preferences, desires, ideas, nice pictures instilled by Rogers  that must be stopped within the therapy in order for the beings to actually support each other – the questions placed above are to be pondered within Self-Honesty and common sense within the consideration that: we cannot base Self-Support by creating personal-bonds with the person based on feeling and emotional identification – that’s simply Not Supportive and in fact, can add up to being yet another ‘issue’ within a being’s life.

So, realize that we can prevent an entire world of ‘treating psychological malfunctions’ and instead,  use the principle of Self-Honesty as the  basic point of education throughout the developmental years of a human being’s life. Consider that Transparency is definitely not programmed as our mind to ‘Write ourselves,’ because that would lead to the person seeing-themselves and a potential ability to understand self-creation, which is what currently stands as a potential threat to break the status quo that, we as the mind, always seek to remain-as – incongruently so.


Thus within this fear, we are accepting and continuing the current accepted and allowed world system as the direct result of this individual process wherein we ‘fear’ looking at ourselves and face the consequences of our actions. We have to write out and let out the nature of our thoughts to place them ‘on the table’ and work with them through from the starting point of Self-Honesty to walk a process of Self-Correction. What the hell does that mean? That we realize that we Do Not Have to Remain in this perpetual state of guilt, fear, remorse and fear of ourselves as ‘who we are’ within our own minds and can In-Fact, Create and Script the reality that we Are willing to Live-as into eternity.


“The idea of privacy have only limited the ability to learn from each other to become self perfected within the context of this world. This shows very clearly in healthcare where the protection of information makes the effective prevention and treatment of disease very limited. If we could learn about the physical from each other in a self honest way, most accepted disorders we will find we can stop as some one else have already learned the lesson. By not sharing the lessons, we shoot ourselves in the foot.” -Bernard Poolman



Stop casting the Shadows with Light and Love

By the single realization that this whole mental mayhem is able to be stopped by our own will, a weight is lifted off. So, any ‘congruence’ that we want to establish toward ‘others’ must begin within ourselves toward ourselves first. How can we expect ourselves to be ‘genuine within a relationship’ with another human being if we are still fearing ourselves and the nature of our very own mind! Ludicrous – yet we have all lived this way until now and the only answer to ‘How can I be Real?’ then is walking the already mentioned process of Self-Support wherein No Therapists are Required other than your own will to face your own Secret Mind.


Placing this point within the ‘greater picture’: How have we taken the haughty position to demand an ‘honest and transparent system’ to our ‘authorities’ if we haven’t even dared to take this point within and toward ourselves!? Fascinating, we are all about abdicating and projecting responsibility toward anyone else but ourselves.

This world is the mirror of our secret mind – we are here to equalize ourselves as our own mind to then, be able to establish relationships of self-trust wherein I-self stand as an accountable being for my actions, words and deeds, making sure that whatever I create as myself, is directly faced as my creation and directed within the principle of what’s best for all life.

This is not to be fearful about the ‘shadows’ that we exist-as within our mind – both poles as light and dark define each other – therefore, it is to simply see that the ‘shadow’ exists in contrast of the love and lightful thinking. If we turn off the light, what remains is just ‘what is’ – no shades and no light – just beingness that we are able to shape/ mold and script to actually apply/live within our every day lives. Self-Forgiveness is the key to stop existing as Gloria in our minds, it is absolutely unnecessary and unacceptable to continue perpetuating this ‘victimization’ as humanity. This is our creation = we take responsibility for it.


“Identify within you – what you immediately suppress in fear when you think about it/ fantasize about it – whatever especially about YOU comes up about ‘who you are’ directly related to YOU and you think about it in the nature/context of fear – this you must write out, why do you fear this coming up, how was the fear about this point/part of you created etc. – it’s to release your fear relationships with what exist within you, then look at whether it can practically be lived in this world and you will find an interesting thing: NONE of it can – everything you’ve feared about the nature of you that comes up in you as been an illusion, you’ve always feared an illusion, and have never really stopped out of that illusion and redefined words for yourself to in fact LIVE” – Sunette Spies


“We are here to stop ego and birth life. This each one must do for oneself – no other can breathe for you, no other can self-realize for you. Thus: apply and test the tools in self-honesty and be/become your own living proof. However, due to the nature of ego, it is highly unlikely to self-realize alone – as feedback is required to make sure one do not lose oneself in the self-delusion matrices of one’s mind/ego. This (self-)support is what we are walking at Desteni (see also Forum), while we self-honestly investigate ourselves in the context of this whole world-system / mind-system that has nothing but atrocity and indignity left to give. Best to forgive – and start giving life back to life.” Bella Bargilly

Interviews for Self Support:

E-Books

  • Desteni of Secrets: Your Self-Honesty guideline to begin to understand who and what we have existed as up to now and How to walk a process to stop our cycles of self-abuse and birth ourselves as living-words that create a world that’s best for all.

Vlogs

The Secret mind rules the Earth! by Kim Amourette

2012 Media and Entertamement: the Mirror of our own Decay

I realize that I have been brainwashed in many ways, but I have certainly realized more points that I had not considered based on the latest Desteni material, like the Life Reviews – which are interviews where people that have died, come through the portal and share their realizations so that we – people still being alive on Earth -are able to realize what we are taking for a ‘living experience’ in this world. As they walk their own stories, they share perspectives on how to assist and support ourselves to stop and correct our patterns and habits that keep us in a certain ‘predefined’ life, which is currently existing as limitation and ultimately leading us to die without having granted us the ability to Forgive ourselves and change. It’s like walking a real-life story wherein for a moment you get to know a being’s inner experience throughout their life – just like you would ‘get to know’ a character in a book – yet always having a supportive perspective and input that will most likely not leave you ‘confused’ about it, but will leave a nice ‘taste in your mouth’ in order to realize that we don’t have to get to the extremes of limitation that they experienced while being alive.

 

So, within this context, I realized how even with famous people in this world – that we obviously get to know through media –  I took a certain stance toward particular people, where the media assembled ‘evidence’ to make a ‘case’ out of their story and cause  sensationalism around the lives of particular beings that I now realize, I actually judged within my mind without even noticing it, without allowing me to consider the common sense that I also experienced at times which was seeing and realizing that people were only judgmental about a grown man being able to enjoy children without being a pedophile or something like that. It is absolutely disgraceful how even our ‘media’ is able to put up a knife against the wall and cause such division in the name of ‘putting up a show’ and causing enough attention to sell their adverts/ commercial space in quite juicy rates.  And I participated in it, I watched the documentaries, the cases, I would experience ‘third party embarrassment’ whenever such cases would arise within the lives of the rich and famous. I became ‘part of it’ – I didn’t fully allow myself to listen to that common sense that I could see in a moment, but allowed myself to obfuscate it with the nicely and strategically placed “evidence” directed to make a case out of it. 

That’s how I discovered that even when we think we are ‘not participating’ in some of the usual trivial realities that we see on the media, even by accepting it ‘as it is’ I am already taking a stance toward it, instead of having realized how is it that we have allowed our day to day living be constantly influenced by this ‘public opinion’ which is certainly controlled and manipulated in order to divert people’s attention from what is actually relevant in this world – and using/ abusing people’s lives to broadcast them as part of the ‘freak show’ that we have allowed media to become. Because it is common sense: if we all had enough resolve to stop consuming it, it would invariably have to adapt to a new perspective on what actual supportive Media should be, which would simply not be profit-driven and based on promoting common sense, education and an actual sharing of relevant information that can benefit the equal-understanding of ourselves as individuals and as part of reality within this ecosystem as a whole.  At Desteni we are already producing the new culture of Life, promoting common sense and reviewing history to place it as an example of all the points that must be corrected in order to Stop the patterns of the past, which were mostly based on ‘survival of the fittest’ through encouraging the desire to obtain power, recognition and a halo of success in order to ‘feel whole’ within one’s life experience.

 

We have realized that’s NOT what living is or should be – yet at the moment, we walk the process in order to direct ourselves breath by breath as we go observing in our own reality how even the seemingly ‘unimportant’ points do have an effect on what we collectively accept and allow within this world, such as our current media and their current ‘power’ to form people’s opinion, with no common sense most of the times.

 

 

2. We tend to judge people in our minds in such an immediate way based on ‘what’s logical’ and ‘what makes sense,’ based on supposed evidence that can be easily manipulated in order to suit particular interests which – as we can see in our reality – have not been in the best interest of all, but creating enough ‘noise’ for the same sake of making money, creating a case where there is non. And what’s fascinating is how obviously, if this goes into trials and further federal interventions, it makes it ‘even more believable’ eventually losing perspective that such ‘cases’ were generated not ‘on TV’ but in our own mind as the starting point for the entire system that is HERE as our self-reflection. McLuhan was right with the externalization of the mind as our reality, spot on when realizing that this entire reality works and functions according to all the points of separation that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to exist as. I would see myself often judging and even reacting in an emotional experience when watching all the ‘junk’ that people watch on TV. However I missed the point: I was only judging what I also have accepted and allowed myself to become – big cold bucket of water when realizing this, as I had to then walk through a self-forgiving process when seeing how getting pissed off at people watching TV was only stemming from myself and my own experience of having mimicked what I saw and wanted myself to ‘be like,’ which could not have been possible without TV, magazines, books, music, etc.   So, within listening to this being in his life review, I realized how I had participated as well in such judgment and had given-into the ‘nicely presented’ evidence to build such case.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge the media and information of this world as ‘not having anything to do with me’ without realizing that in such statement, I was only considering me-myself-and-I as my own personal experience wherein I lived a life of only caring about myself, to feel ‘good’ and seek to be as far as possible from anything that seemed ‘vulgar’ for me to watch, discuss or communicate about with others.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge media and entertainment as ‘vulgar’ and sleazy within the context of seeing it as only being able to be ‘watched’ and ‘absorbed’ by people that ‘didn’t have anything better to do,’ without ever realizing that it was myself judging me for what I have also accepted and allowed myself to become within wanting to not be part of the ‘brainwashed society’ – without realizing that I was already brainwashing myself by believing myself to be ‘above it’ and within that, exist in a superiority mode that can only exist within my mind whenever I believe myself to be separated from everything and everyone in this reality – which I am not.

Therefore I realize that whenever I see myself judging the media and pointing fingers at people watching a particular type of entertainment shows, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I can only judge that which I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as in the first place, which begins with looking at my own mind wherein I created categories according to who and what I would like to experience in my reality – always having disregarded the totality of this world as myself.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘I knew better’ than people, and that allowing themselves to be ‘brainwashed by media’ I was in fact taking the ‘right path’ to be non-brainwashed, without realizing that the media is already the product of our very own nature as the mind that seeks to get attention, to seek experiences to generate feelings and emotions and a continuous idea and belief of ‘being living’ through the mind only – which is how I see and realize the media is the portrayal of our mind with colors, pictures designed by ourselves to experience through images, pictures, colors, characters and stories that keep us diverted from being actually HERE and Living our own lives in physical reality.

Therefore I realize that as longa s I am existing as the mind that seeks energetic experiences as quick energetic fixes through feelings, participating in emotions or directing myself from the starting point of ‘wanting to experience’ I am existing as the creator of what the media is now existing as. For this world to change, I must stop and change myself – there is no way that we can stop this ongoing industry that we have made of ‘life’ in this world, other than stopping each one of us from participating in our own minds, to eventually live in a physical common sensical reality wherein we will be able to decide how we want to experience ourselves, what we can enjoy ourselves with based on Living-  not only experiencing vicariously through pictures and stories that we see through the media.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘judge the media’ as ‘the system’ that manipulates, controls and molds people’s opinion, without realizing that we can only be influenced and directed in such a way if we haven’t allowed ourselves to develop common sense and an actual practical living understanding of what living as equals implies in terms of using the media to support life and better our living conditions, such as being informed, educated and having the ability to communicate about points that pertain all equally.

 

I see and realize that as long as this world is based on profit, whatever we can get through the media will still be biased and side-viewed according to the interests at play, which we are not yet fully aware of which is how within developing common sense, we are able to stop easily following the ways that we have been taught to think, believe and perceive ourselves as, not only ‘the world’ but our very own life within the schemes that we have accepted and allowed, such as valuing ourselves according to how we look, where we live, how much money do we have, how educated we are and all of the various points that are currently determining an entire beings’ experience in this world, which is NOT based in Equality as what’s best for all – hence our living-commitment to become the culture of life that promotes self-support, equality and the realization that: we are able to in fact live in a best for all way if each one of us does their part.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to build opinions and judgments about the information that I take from the media based on how I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘trust’ and ‘believe’ in certain information if ‘enough evidence is existent’ – without realizing that I have been equally brainwashed to believe things based on presenting supposed “facts” and “evidence” wherein I then allow my perspectives be molded and shaped according to how the media presents it in front of my eyes to read/ watch.

I realized that any idea that I could have of myself being ‘above’ the media-brainwashing process, I was in fact deliberately being oblivious to my own participation within it, as what the media presents is the reflection of ourselves in all ways: our desires, dreams, judgments, discrimination, fascinations, yearnings, hopes, criticisms toward the world, beliefs, etc. It is our mirror and our own trap to keep us well occupied while neglecting the reality as we serve the money-god with the eternal motivational factors like seeking to experience ‘heaven’ with no regard to whomever had to suffer the consequences of such ‘acceptable desire.’

There can be no heaven on Earth unless it is equally available for all.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take part of the sides and factions that are created within presenting a ‘case’ and having people supporting one side or the other – which is only creating enough fuzz and buzz that has one single outcome: creating enough waves in order to make the most money out of people being watching/ reading from the media, which allows them to sell publicity for a lot of money.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create myself as a being that can ‘trust upon evidence’ without ever realizing that such evidence can obviously be manipulated in order to get a particular outcome – and within that, allowing me to take and create a particular side and make opinions/ judgments upon the subject of the news/ event in our world, without having allowed myself to give enough space to develop the common sense perspective and Self Honesty that we all have, yet suppressed when listening to our thoughts within our mind, instead of considering any other way based on an actual understanding of how reality works.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having believed myself to be able to ‘discern’ and be judicious, prudent, mature and clear sighted when watching the news and information through the media, without realizing that even while believing myself to be that, I was only generating further judgments within my mind about the separation and ‘ridiculousness’ of it all. I see and realize that whenever I see myself being ‘out of the game’ and taking a particular ‘side’ to it, I am in fact still playing the game – I realize that I am able to support myself through watching what is currently being broadcasted and information and discern it within the starting point and constant reference of ‘what is best for all. ‘

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge a man as being a potential pedophile just because of what I perceived was an ‘unusual enjoyment with kids,’ without realizing that I was then  also becoming that which I have judged about others and fearing others believing about myself as well when being around kids. I realize that I have also become part of the products that media has ‘profiled’ as a ‘critical beings’ yet within the bounds of the information that I receive, instead of having allowed myself to develop common sense to not only take a certain ‘side’ when watching the news, but always considering what is best for all and thinking out of the box wherein no sides are taken but rather seen from another angle and perspective that is usually not portrayed within the usual biased way of presenting information within the media, which is specifically portrayed in such a way to divide people and conquer through making loads of money out of it.

I realize that this is in no way judging the media itself, as I’ve explained it’s our direct reflection of how the starting point of what we do has become ‘profit’ in all ways, and how human integrity is surpassed when money is the point that’s the aim within ‘making a story’ instead of sharing stories within common sense that act as educative tools for ourselves as human beings walking similar lives to the lives of others or those that have gone before us.

That’s how the Desteni material is in fact the type of education  – and why not-  enjoyment that comes when being able to get ‘real life stories’ that don’t require any pictures for us to identify ourselves within it and get the opportunity to live the correction while we are still here on Earth.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a system wherein we have bound each other to not be able to trust anything or anyone, just because anything can be easily manipulated and  anyone can be easily corrupted for money, wherein we have accepted and allowed money to become the actual ‘main role’ within this reality wherein all living beings and all our relationships are relegated to a second plane, wherein they are tainted by and through the very point that money represents: your ability to live and die, your success or failure within this system.

I realize that there is no current support being promoted in this world due to the starting point of that which is ‘popular’ being made out of the greed for profit making that is still doable and feasible in this world. Hence I see that only through stopping myself from participating in the same cycles of motivation through and by energy, I can start living the equality-process as myself, wherein I stop my own energetic dependencies in a desire to ‘live’ – and instead focus and direct myself to walk within the consideration of the actual reforms and processes that are required in order to LIVE and not survive.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a capitalist in the very thoughts that I have projected onto reality according to the ‘evidence’ that I am presented with, which means that I am only seeing through the same eye of the mind that I have trained myself-as to invariable take one of the two sides that are existent within the presentation of a story – and even remaining ‘neutral’ is also a position that is mostly comfortable and safe, which is further evasion of reality while believing that such points ‘do not have anything to do with ourselves’ which is an egotistical-perspective wherein I am only considering ‘my experience’ instead of realizing that these are points that exist in this reality = therefore, they are also part of who and what I have become.

I realize that in order to ‘change the media’ that we are currently getting, it is a process of self-education first, developing common sense and having Self-Honesty as the key that we all walk individually, to realize how we have fooled ourselves and manipulated our very reality in order to suit a delusional system of power games and values that were imposed onto the physical reality that is HERE as one and equal.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having dared to partake in the general rejoice that we as human beings within society get when being sarcastic, judgmental and making a mockery out of ‘public figures,’ tending to forget that they are also beings that are as real as you and I and that only got to be in a certain position wherein they become part of the ‘eyes of the world’ without ever stopping myself to question why I am validating myself being ‘opinionated’ about anyone, really – regardless of knowing them or not knowing them.

 

We live in fear because we realize our ability to judge and live in eternal comparison and power games within wanting to ‘be the winner’ – which in this case is the belief that I could be ‘out of the loop’ of what I judged as ridiculous and vulgar such as what the media would portray, without realizing that in doing so I was in fact taking an arrogant position toward the reality that I am living in, that is here as myself and my creation, no mater how much I perceived myself to be ‘outside of it.’

 

 

3. Eventually we end up fearing being judged because of what we know within ourselves we are able and capable to do within our secret mind when judging someone and ‘get away with it,’ believing that there is no consequence to it. Well, the time is here to face our own reality based on how we believed that ‘thinking’ and ‘judging’ caused ‘no harm’ to anyone, and believing it to be ‘our personal affair’ or even ‘right’ to do so, wherein we develop a vicarious relationship toward the world within our secret mind wherein we are always ‘above it all’ apparently, being able to even get a kick out of confabulating stories and judgments upon others without ever daring to see that none of it is about ‘them’ and that such judgment can only be revealing what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to become individually. It’s our own Mirror of Flesh.

 

The same point goes with judging people that apparently ‘had it all’ yet realizing that even with ‘all the money and fame of the world’ if their inner experience was not able to be sorted out by themselves, they would eventually live out in a self-deprecating way the same that a person living on the streets would. And even from a broader perspective, I realized that it doesn’t matter how much money a person may have, the single fact of having to live  in this world wherein there is an obvious inequality and abuse, makes such fame and fortune something that should be rather regarded as self-abuse other than praising it as the ‘grandiosity’ that we tend to veil such people with, accepting and allowing such fortune as ‘mere luck’ or even ‘hard work’ without taking into consideration that such luck and hard work is not even a possibility for someone that is born in a condition of extreme poverty by default.

 

Another point is how we also tend to apply judgments generally toward a particular sector of the people in this world – specifically in these cases ‘famous people’ as artists or politicians and anyone else ‘in the spotlight.’ I realize how all of such judgments were based on the information that I would get ‘about them’ based on how media manipulates it to suit their interests – which, once again – are profit-driven and even often politically driven in order to manipulate society in a particular direction for purposes that might not even be directly related to the person in the spotlight.

Now, if we apply the same point onto not only other people, but laws, the nature of institutions, how money system works, our social considerations, education, human relationships – we can start considering that we have in fact never been self-directive beings but only conditioned to live in a drone-mode that complies to consume and believe that fearing each other and having to defend yourself from others is ‘normal,’ that seeking for only the well being of ‘your loved ones’ is only ‘natural predisposition’ and that caring only about your own interests is part of being a ‘clever human being.’ Nice tags that we’ve used to disguise the absolute abuse, fear and greed that we have all participated in –in an open and blatant way or in a silent and reserved manner.

 

 

4. In terms of media manipulation, I watched a documentary two weeks ago wherein the production and presentation of the material is leading you to understand that people that dare to actually inform of the harsh reality within society, exposing the actual ‘arrangements’ that are built within the ‘power spheres’ in our society -such as politics, media, religion – they are immediately banned and shut down, making it virtually impossible to keep going unless they ‘find their own way’ within the system, having no support from the official “authorities” to expand their journalism.

However, as much as these people were committed to expose drug cartels and even had members of their staff killed as part of the vengefulness from the people that were exposed in their newspaper, it is also just another side of the coin within the game. I realized at the end of it that you go out of the movie believing that ‘what  they do is ‘right’ and that they are being victimized within this country’ as in being censored to the point of not having any paper to produce their weekly journal, which forces them to produce it outside of the country across the northern border in the U.S. Well, the reality is that even in exposing the worst cases of drug cartels and  killings and hostages that take place, it has not made a difference in this world, no matter how many of the newspaper staff had to die, it still has not made any difference, because it remains only as a point that merely reports/ exposes yet, doesn’t propose an actual point of support within understanding how the money system works and how everything that exist – as it exist-  is the direct result of our accepted and allowed structure as our world system based on profit-making, as the only way to survive.

 

 

5. I got a similar realization when watching Anna’s vlog on ‘Are single people more depressed? – Fear in the Media Exposed’ which is another proof of how all of these articles that are promoted to ‘test yourself’ are in fact leading you to instigate a question within you, that you will then be curious enough to see if what they are proposing as elements to identify yourself-with equate to a particular tag that could define in fact ‘who you are.’ And if you identify yourself with such judgments/ tags and self-beliefs, you are then invariably lead to accept the rest of the content as ‘the explanation of who you are,’ which in this case is making people believe that: if you are single, you are more prone to feeling depressed and lonely and in that, creating a direct ‘hint’ saying ‘Hello, you have a ‘problem’ and you require a solution’ wherein one would then ‘seek solutions’ to the perceived ‘emotional instability’ which leads to the usual answers given within our wondrous pharmaceutical reality wherein Prozac knocks at your door whenever the word ‘depression’ is placed in front of your eyes. Isn’t this the ultimate brainwashing to create unnecessary illnesses and mental ‘problems’ only to make a quick and perpetual buck out of it? It is – yet we accept it and allow it. That’s how a ‘medical voice’ can suggest taking Prozac for the sake of stopping feeling miserable while being lonely? Never realizing that the people that created such ‘tests’ got some money out of it, the people that sell you the drugs, get some money out of it and the people that will continue supplying with such drugs will love you for the rest of your life for the same reason. Who’s the one that bought into the game? You/ I / we did.

 

We have become so used to ‘linking the dots’ according to how we ‘learn through the media’ which is how we become – and accept our inherent propensity- as predictable systems that, if we believe ourselves to have some type of mental disorder or ‘unbalance,’ we will then ‘seek for help’ because we fear being sick and eventually dying – that’s how we are always seeking to be as ‘hell-thee’ as possible without actually understanding what physical support really is, which is once again not based on the multivitamins and additives that are put on your food and promoted as ‘health food.’ It’s about developing common sense to first see how we have bought into an industry of ‘life’ instead of even figuring out what LIVING actually is.

 

This is not from a judgmental point, because we realize that we have all been equally participating in this system of money-making lives and for that, we can place ourselves in the shoes of those with such fortunes and ‘power’ and we would probably have done the exact same thing. Hence this is to clarify that there are no energetic strings attached to this exposure, it is about placing out what I have seen and realized today as the accumulation of hearing these interviews by people that allow me to realize what a tyrant I was when becoming a walking sack of judgments toward the world that is myself.

 

6. there is one clear example that has changed my perspective toward myself and ‘how I see the world’ this year, which was the interview done by  Gadhafi of course which I have Vlogged about as well – I’ll leave the links below – wherein I realized that I had never questioned my own brainwashing about it, and  that I have judged indiscriminately people that I didn’t ever get to meet or actually talk to, yet accepted it because that’s what apparently ‘famous people’ are entitled to go through, being the bait for all our human scorn to be projected onto them, forgetting about the fact that: they are also human beings!

When you get to hear ‘from their own voice’ their actual inner experience in contrast to what was presented in the media  – which is ‘how’ we ‘get to know them,’ it is inevitable to not react in  embarrassment and even regret for having participated in such judgments based on the opinion-building abilities that media has right now, of which we can only support ourselves to stop believing that ‘evidence builds a case’ and taking everything on a ‘face value’ instead of allowing ourselves to develop common sense, focus on becoming the point that stops all judgment, that stops building any ideas about others, and instead becomes the constant and consistent example of how we can coexist as human beings that support each other to live, not to gossip, judge and stigmatize people based on what causes enough sensationalism to make money out of it.

The me.die and enter.tamement industry begins and ends with us stopping our own mind from seeking useless diversions to not face ourselves and take self responsibility for our own lives. We begin with ourselves here.

 

Vlogs:

Life Reviews:


2012 Rotten Apples

This is a title suited in relation to the point that if one apple is rotted, it will affect others to eventually rot as well – haven’t tested if this is 100% so and if you have any idea of this being a myth, let me know – however within the points that we’ll walk here, it is to understand that we are the product of a society that is currently not supportive for everyone, and how within one single point being ‘missed’ – that will invariably affect the whole.

This came through a post at the Desteni Forum wherein we realize how important it is to not only blame our parents for having ‘induced’ us into ‘living a life’ wherein fear is the foundation of our actions or inactions.

There is a lot more to consider within that and I agreed with having a similar thought to what Cam Mantia expressed in thinking that ‘It seems like parents don’t even want to raise their children anymore’  which has been part of the backchat I’ve had when observing parents and their children, or hearing children cry on a daily basis in the house next door where it is inevitable not to think ‘why do they have children in the first place if they are not willing to support them and take care after them’? Which would imply obviously not abusing them, but supporting them to live. 

I’ve realized through walking with Desteni and supporting myself to see ‘beyond what meets the eye,’ to understand that the current state of ‘parenting’ is the result of generations after generations of passing on the same ‘sins of the fathers’ – it is the product of several factors that are not to be taken only at a face-value so to speak. It is the outflow of the entire configuration of a system wherein Life is Not supported – hence the majority – if not most of the people – have not realized what supporting a child with proper development is and should be, that’s what creates the current world we’re living in wherein anything that can keep kids ‘occupied’ and entertained is used and abused, instead of developing ways to communicate and interact with them. Children enjoy expressing themselves unconditionally and what do we find parents do? they only seek way to ‘keep them calm’ or in a sedated mode in front of the TV – not that the TV is ‘bad’ but being aware of what they are watching and if that is actually supportive for them.

“All the adults over 30 years old today are the product of the age where children where deliberately programmed to be consumers setting in motion the same training to become homegrown. Today consumerism is totally homegrown. Now with marketing and research into what makes the desires glow in children, we face a problem of massive proportions if we are to stop us from consuming our world just in the name of feeling happy.” Bernard Poolman

In my case I was easily controlled, meaning, I would comply to ‘keep quiet’ and not be such a bouncy kid when the moment was not the ‘adequate’ one. However I did have moments of playing and enjoying, mostly before 7 years old wherein my parents would support all my imaginary-trips of wanting to be an ‘artist’ and would record me while dancing and ‘singing’ etc. – that type of stuff was fun and I can see the ‘excitement’ that would come from having my parents being there with me and enjoying along.

I can almost recall how ‘cool’ it felt to have their attention and support, like being able to ‘hang out with them’ is quite an important point for the child. When I started growing up, things changed, but that was mostly because of how I started watching more television and becoming more aware of the roles we would play at school, ‘friends’ and essentially introducing myself  to the ‘world system,’ which is the point that eventually influences even the ‘happiest child in the world’ – that’s how we can see that unless ‘all is free non is free.’

So, in the case of a family not supporting their child effectively, the point is looking at how that will inevitably become part of the ‘problems’ within the system as the kid goes and interacts with other kids in school, for example.

What can happen is that such children that were not supported effectively, go to school and become jealous of the kid that had the ‘cool life’ or seems relatively stable, and eventually exert such jealousy toward such stability through envy/ nastiness that turns into bullying, for example. That’s within the understanding of what I wrote  in the previous entry of ‘Self-Honesty as Fear Label,’ wherein we realize that because this entire society has been based on fear, anything that stands out of the scheme is then ‘feared’ thus attacked. Separation is then brewed among children, and there is ‘no explanation’ to this, apparently’ – kids are punished, some others are victimized without actually looking at the cause of the problem. And this is something that happens in every single school – now take this point into the ‘adult world’ and you will get a society of criminals and victims that would simply not have to exist as such fear-labels if everyone had been supported from childhood to support themselves to live and consider each other being as an equal.

A lot of problems such as the trendy ‘bullying’ are mostly blamed upon parents – however if there is not effective support for parents to learn how to raise and educate a child, how on Earth would we expect the problem to be solved? This is not only a ‘family’ problem or only relevant if you are willing to be a parent – this is about human education and how we have all been the product of two human beings and their personal histories and genetic dynasties that mingle and become ‘who we are.’ This is something that pertains all of us as it parenting and the general process of interaction and communication within the family, is the key to create a society living within the principle of what is Best for All.

Our current ‘integrity’ is that of promoting fear, survival and competition toward others wherein through adults living an entire lifetime within this mechanism, when the time comes to bring children to the world, all they know is perpetuating the same ‘ways’ in which they were educated as well – some even go into thinking that it’s best to do it in a ‘rough way’ as that ensures that children are able to remember through traumatic events what to do and what not to do. All abuse is unacceptable as it will invariably be then re-played by the child either towards themselves or others.

From this point of accepted and allowed abuse at home, we develop personalities that are used to such abusive patterns as the initial link of ‘being with human beings as a supportive point’ is broken and instead, aversion toward parents, other children and ‘the world’ ensues. We brew our own conditions and fellow neighbors at home, it is vital to understand this to the utmost specificity: if we allow one single child to ‘rot’ and recreate the patterns of the past through imposing the education of repression, fear and limitation, what we will have is one single person that will create the same abusive patterns regardless of ‘the rest’ being properly supported.

This is how we can understand that ‘only caring for your family’ is not considering the fact that we are part of this entire world. This thinking-pattern is only supporting the same survival-fears that lead us to be bound to a money-god driven society wherein you only ensure you and ‘your loved ones’ are ‘alright’ and don’t really care about considering that others are also yourself, and that the moment that ‘others’ are not being equally supported to live effectively, their reality will invariably affect You as well – no matter what = that’s the rotten apples point.

I’ve placed the example of how within being bullied at school – even if you live in a supportive environment – it eventually gets on to you and start playing out the same games that lead to discrimination and separation. Then we create ourselves as personalities that are able to ‘survive’ within the system, such as how I had to develop a ‘hard veneer’ in order to be able to withstand the general conditions of competition and attacks that would come from that irrational fear that people have toward seeing someone being mostly stable or in the school system, being a ‘good student’ as I experienced it.

Instead of promoting ‘beating others’ for it, promoting how to stand one and equal as that point of stability and support that we are all able to give if we begin with ourselves. We realize that money can be a factor that determines the stability that parents themselves may experience, which is why it is imperative to work with parents in order to make sure that all abuse is stopped within self, and within that, ensuring that it is not propagate toward your own children. .

We have to stop recreating the same old ways of living in this ‘fear-based society’ wherein we eventually end up fucking up each other as no one can really ‘stand outside of the game’ even if you had the greatest support while growing up – apparently.

What I have realized is that even within the support  I had while growing up, we have to dig into the fine details to see how even the perceived ‘goodness’ has never actually been based-on and within the consideration of what is best for all. Once again, realizing how one ‘bad apple’ can rot the rest, which is also realizing to what extent we’ll have to make sure everyone is aligned to living by the principle of what is best for all, and this process is precisely the way to do so.

I’ve learned how to take a lot more into consideration before blaming something or someone for our current accepted and allowed experience. Ultimately, we are all equally responsible and it is only within this understanding that all judgments stop being justified by the backchat wherein ‘the world is evil’ and ‘I fear everyone’ were usual thoughts that would define ‘who I am’ toward the world, toward people and naturally lived as ‘who I am.’

A world without fear is possible, yet we cannot ‘remove’ it with a magic wand, there is actual work to do and so far from what we have walked with fellow Destonians, supporting yourself through the tools of writing, self honesty, self forgiveness and the self corrective application is the way to realize how we have been the product of the accepted and allowed past that we cannot possibly continue blaming, but ensure that we become the point that stands up and stops the sins of the fathers from being perpetuated. That’s how we remove all possible ‘rotten apples’ and realize that: what I do and live-by has an effect on the whole – that’s considering Oneness and Equality, that’s what’s Best for All, living in Self-Honesty to be self-responsible within the consideration of the consequences that we manifest with every single word, thought and deed.

“Blame is a distraction from holding oneself accountable and setting an example. The common misconception is that a process of recreating the self/system from the inside out is impractical and that no one will accept it, yet circumstances will lead to people ‘losing their minds’ one way or another, so it’s best to begin as soon as possible, if one hasn’t already.” – Scott Cook

A New World for the Children

Suggested read:

Documentary:

Consuming Kids: The Commercialization of Childhood [Full Film]

Suggested Support:

What parents Fear: “One of the greatest fear of a parent is that their child will be without food, money and a place to stay. If this does happen, parents often blame themselves or their children for what has happened, instead of realizing that it is the current system we are in, designed around competition and failure – which is responsible for the experience.”

 

Life Review – Misunderstood
Here a being shares his Life Review of his experience in this world with being misunderstood, where no-one could see or understand his intentions/future goals because of the extent to which adults/grown-ups have their our purity, innocence and expression.


2012 The Arbor: to Self-Forgive and Stop the Sins of the Fathers

I had disregarded the power that movies have to create an impact and awareness about the lives that people around the world are living in. For a moment it is a complete ‘integration’ within human beings’ lives that we tend to only see as ‘fiction,’ however this was not a fictional movie nor was it the type of ‘light experience’ you can actually relax-through.

This evening I watched this documentary/ film The Arbor which I recommend for various reasons. It is just like a movie made out of any of the current Life Reviews that are being published at Desteni, wherein the life of a human being from the afterlife is shared as a story-telling walk-through a human being’s life on Earth and the experiences they had which they allowed themselves to be completely possessed-by, without realizing that moment of self-awareness wherein they could have actually directed themselves to stop perpetuating ‘the sins of the fathers.’

This movie depicts how anyone can drive themselves to a breaking-point in their life as a series of chainsaw-massacre-sins, never stopping or taking a moment to see what consequences will a single decision have within their life and within the lives of those around them as well– but instead allow feelings, emotions and all forms of retaliation to unleash, eventually ruining one’s life forever – unless there is a decision to stop and self-forgive oneself of course.

 

This movie is not limited to depict a ‘woman’s story’ only,  it is the depiction of how the current monetary system is the perfect soil to create dysfunctional families, wherein all parties involved have a relationship of monetary dependency, scarcity and general limited living-condition. This leads them t  eventually end up dead or in extreme self-abusive patterns that can only be stopped after having gone through ‘enough’ of it, barely living to tell. Are these ‘extremes’ necessary to realize the problem we are creating and finally stop? No, they’re not – however something that has remained as a constant is that the human being won’t stop and take action unless shit starts hitting one’s fan. I’ve seen how we are mostly detached from social problems unless we are directly affected by them. Do we all require to go through extensive abuse before we act? No – yet we seem to be still choosing the hard long road out of hell, which is Earth – yet, it is not necessary.

 

This is a movie to reflect and see how the problems in our society are brewed from the starting point of living in scarcity, having parents that must work to place food on the table, get drunk to ‘heal the pain’ and do it all over again the next day. I won’t go into details it, I can simply say it is a must-watch to understand what irresponsible paternity leads to, how kids then grow up with an ever-increasing and fueled grudge toward parents, wishing they had never been born and ending up trapped in the same cycles they were brought-up with through their parents.

 

The abusive company – or absence – of parents within a child’s life becomes a stigma that becomes a definitive factor within ‘who they are’ as a personality and character in society. The stories in the movie tell about the two sides of the same coin, a coin that was divided and created by words spoken in disregard of how powerful they can be to destroy a being’s life if the individual allows it so. This is one of the reasons why Self Forgiveness should be introduced at an early stage within children, to allow them to see that no word can have ‘power’ over them, no matter who utters the words, it is all about who we accept and allow ourselves to be and become, which always must be veered toward a Best for All outcome.

 

Children end up living out their parents lives in one way or another, because ‘it’s all they have ever known’ – and just as a very fuckedup Stockholm syndrome – love within family is confused as this necessary ‘respect’ too keep a ‘loving memory’ for someone that wasn’t necessarily an example to follow – however any form of dignity or care that these should have toward their offspring is often simply neglected or abused, even to the point of indirectly killing them.

 

“The sins of the fathers passed on in a system of inequality, where each human is responsible for the abdication of supporting life before profit, by allowing a system of profit that causes a system of lack and thus frustrated behaviors that are the reflection of inequality as life is second to profit. The behavior of the father, is no different that an economic system that allows starvation, he shows us what we are by what we allow. We are all to blame.
Vote for a system of equality. Equal Money SystemRebecca Dalmas

 

The nature of relationships at a family level has not progressed at all, it is actually going into a devolutionary process wherein an ‘open range’ of ‘anything goes’ is taken as the new bastion for ‘freedom’ and breaking of ‘old patterns’ to further degenerative processes within humanity. Where is Self-Honesty? Where is the actual consideration of what is Best for All? Where is parental self-responsibility to ensure that the child grows in a supportive environment? Is there any parental-guide available to all humans at the moment? No – we are creating it, the same as proposing an overall system reform wherein all beings will be born with an equal-living access to everything required to live in dignity. No more family blackmailing or financial subjugation to another.

 

It is Not just ‘a Film’

 

The reality is that these movies end up only being like a really bitter taste to remain with for 90 minutes. The point is to not relegate it to it being ‘just another movie’ as these are real-stories that must be seen from the perspective of such ‘characters’ being in essence ourselves as well,  it is who we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become in this world, wherein family relationships, parenting and sexual-education is virtually non-existent.

No one is actually ‘trained’ to be a human being and deal with the most basic points  that we step-in in an automated mode within this world, which begins with family, then friends, relationships, sex, marriage and creating one’s own family which leads to parenting which must be completely reformed in order to STOP the passing of the same fuckups and ‘sins of the fathers,’  as everything that you couldn’t cope-with within your life at a tender age wherein mother fights with father and beats the hell out of you becomes a common pattern within human beings, which is absolutely unacceptable.

 

This can now come to an end for once and for all: investigate the tools of self support at Desteni, because it is only through us taking Self Responsibility for creating educational and self-supportive platforms as the world system that we can begin creating a substantial change within our reality, and toward anyone else that is willing to walk the same path of education and self-investigation to see where and how our primary relationships have shaped ‘who we are’ since childhood – thus how to stand up from that to never ever allow the same patterns to repeat again.

There is a solution and we are already walking it.

Self Forgiveness to make sure the accumulative effect of part in the world is always what is best for all, and that we realize we must expect the same from all other beings or we will be the slaves to their whims and beliefs and abuses through allowing it.
We have been warned throughout time that the sins of the fathers are visited upon the children and thus upon the world, but under the disguise of love we do nothing to stop the spread of sin as social disease making love a social disease as well.
Remember – self honesty is the most difficult thing you will ever face as it will be your own self deception as the part you play in the mess as civilization that you will confront and must change if you ever want to become a real living being. – Bernard Poolman

 

coti 11090179

Support yourself at http://www.desteni.org

Featured Blogs:

and many more @ Destonians 

For self-support to Stop repeating the Sins of the Fathers from generation to generation and become the actual point of change that we require in this world to create ‘the future of the world’ in equality:

Desteni I Process and Agreements Course for Self-Supportive Relationships in this World

 

For movies and feelings that may come up when watching – recommend to read this and watch the video featured there before watching the movie, it supported me to not ‘give-in’ to tears:

Reconciliation! and other hooks.

 

Stories that tell what we have accepted and allowed as our ‘human nature’ with the necessary direction that movies definitely miss:

 

Videos/ Vlogs:

2011 Parenting – YouTube
2011 Parenting in an Equal World – YouTube
2008 GOD as Man – The Physical – Part 15 – Parenting Children
2007 Shi 9 — An Alien View On Parenting Video

 

Examples of extreme parental negligence:

Child of Rage The FULL Documentary


The Familiar Nuclear Threat

“Sibling-rivalry – the nuclear family preparation for the division of the weak/strong so that the strong can be prepared to fight in the system in the game of survival of the fittest where only the strong survive” – Sunette Spies

“Thus–as a selective design of natural selection, could JEALOUSY be the undertone preprogrammed to make sure siblings will always be at each other’s throat?” Bernard Poolman

Family is the unit of the system, the ‘nucleus of society’ wherein the very basic relationships are formed once any human being arrives into this world. Such relationships determine our nature that will be ‘activated’ through interaction through our pre-laid conditions existent as part of the information acquired from both father and mother that create a clone of their own. Now, besides the entire parenting aspects and considerations that are certainly something necessary and vital to understand, we have the interactions that develop within the family between parents, between siblings and between siblings and parents. The entire hierarchical system and survival of the fittest is played out and accepted as ‘the way to live’ in this reality.

Parents do not consider the fact that the very relationship they may have toward each other will remain as a permanent imprint that will determine their children’s ability to either step out of the pattern or follow it in the exact same way throughout their life in terms of the relationship with themselves and the world. Parents often believe that children have no eyes and ears when they’re very young which is obviously not so and it actually creates fine imprints that remain suppressed yet still existent within each one.

Bullying begins at home

Who hasn’t had a ‘fight’ with a brother or sister, who hasn’t fought with their parents? I’d say if you answer ‘me’ you’re mostly not of this world as it is certainly one of the accepted and allowed ‘normal’ aspects of living with human beings that have the same blood as yourself. There you go. Siblings have the exact same blood with just different spices here and there which will essentially, by biological predisposition, become organisms that will be following the laws of ‘survival of the fittest’ wherein each one will by default try and be the one that ‘makes it’ to have the best life, to be the ‘chosen one’ by parents and society.

I can see within my own experience how favoritism became a point that I ended up accepting as a form of suppression wherein I saw myself as ‘overshadowed’ by my sisters and what I perceived as their social charms which I just couldn’t ‘trigger’ with such ‘natural ability’ myself. I would see them as my parents fulfillment of what successful women would mean and within this, because of seeing myself as ‘unfit’ to do so, I created another niche for myself to exist in/as, one that existed as the opposite of all the norms and paradigms that my parents were mostly expecting of myself. I sabotaged myself within that as it became the point wherein I began secluding myself more and more without realizing that such ‘low self esteem’ or any other belief that I had of myself as not being ‘as good as’ my sisters became the actual factor for me to become the self-created black sheep of the family.

I virtually ended up doing everything that they probably didn’t plan having in their family, I broke the schemes and made my own safe space wherein I didn’t have to compete to be ‘the best’ between my sisters because I was ‘different.’ I created for myself such alternate reality just so that I wouldn’t have to keep up with the pressure of having to become like them, just so that I wouldn’t ‘let them down’ in terms of them having any particular expectations on my life.

Eventually just as anything, my personality was resisted, questioned until it was embraced as a form of resignation actually. When I began walking this process of self honesty at Desteni, I started becoming aware of  the entire veneer that I had created for me to be ‘at ease’ with myself without ever having looked at the self-judgment point that I accepted as real which became the reason why I created a ‘harder’ version of myself.

When I was a little girl I was mostly laughed at or constantly picked upon because of how ‘innocent’ and gullible I was. My sisters would have fun making me shit scared about the dark and all the ‘unknown’ which then became an aspect that truly got a hold of me for quite a lengthy amount of time. At the same time I grew up seeing them through their teenage years and their relationships to which I remember always thinking: ‘I’m not going to be like them, I won’t play out the same drama queen, I won’t bring boyfriends home’ and several other points that I lived out as a counter-act to what I had witnessed within them.

I would have really offensive exchange of words with them when growing up. It’s fascinating how I had almost forgotten about this because of how long it’s been since I last lived with all of them in the same house, but I did create quite a grudge that I managed to suppress all the time. I can’t even remember what our problems were about, all I remember is having great problems with both my sisters at different times.

If I wouldn’t have been walking this process, I would’ve literally self-sabotaged myself in my endeavors to become the exact opposite of everything that my family could expect of myself in all ways. Right now I realize that I must create myself from a starting point of common sense and not out of spitefulness toward the nuclear family which is a threat to realizing our Equality.

Now this is only my experience, several memories suppressed to the point where I neglected that it was actually jealousy as fearing to lose the ‘love and preference of parents’ as the race/ competition that I literally stepped out of and separated myself from, creating an opposite point where I didn’t have to compete and I could be at ease with my own set of ‘preferences’ and ways of being. This was nothing else but a defense mechanism to protect me from having to go all the way in such competition.

I am aware that this plays out in all families, we’ve corroborated as well through our chats and forums wherein we are well aware that we as human beings are no different to each other – we’re all essentially programmed to play out the same conflict points to ensure that we remain trapped in such relationships of deception as the power games and competitions to be ‘the best’, the ‘fittest’ which translates into being the most successful one in terms of how the system works. Parents become then proud of those that ‘make it’ and fulfill their expectations and such point of favoritism and preference becomes evident and undeniable either through words or actions that indicate that there was never actual equality lived within the family system. 

From watching parents and their relationships that are more often than not ‘dysfunctional,’ children learn to have the same relationships toward siblings and if there are none, the actions are taken on to others in their world. It’s fascinating that people are being so scandalized by bullying rising every day more and more in schools, without realizing that kids are only playing out in school that which they’ve learned/ seen at home.

A child that sees their parents fighting, yelling or getting to points of physical and verbal abuse will develop conditions of speech impediment, insecurity, anxiety which are all fear based in terms of not being able to ‘compute’ the fact that such surreptitious violence may exist at home. Imagine this being compared to the ideals portrayed in the media wherein the kid only sees that reality does not match the apparent ‘standard’ which makes them feeling inherently ‘damned’ for not having such a ‘good loving family,’ without being able to see that the reality is that such domestic violence is almost the norm in this world and not the nice family-set ups that are portrayed on TV. Such dissonance only creates an inherent sense of being cursed for having to experience such play outs at home where blackmailing, offensive remarks and general high tonalities are used as a form of expressing discontent to one another. There has never been an actual realization of self responsibility within the family system, we must create a general awareness on how relationships are able to be walked within self responsibility and general awareness that we cannot blame anyone for what we are experiencing within ourselves.

Due to kids becoming then rather detached from reality as a defense mechanism,  leads them to not interact ‘as the rest of the kids,’ becoming easy targets to be picked up and bullied at school or any other environment, because of how they feel incapable of standing up in situations of abuse, because there is no education based on self honesty in the family system. It’s actually the adult patterns playing out in school age within kids – either the bully or the bullied – which is now making everything pretty obvious in terms of how we are all responsible for the existence of such violence.

We must stop existing in continuous cycles of suppression, spitefulness and inherent rivalry between each other at home which is where our entire life is settled upon. We require to sort out these initial relationships within ourselves and toward this family-nucleus to make sure that we stop all forms of deception within it that later on becomes ‘who we are’ within our personal life and as members of society, creating a world equally fucked in terms of accepting hierarchical schemes as ‘real’, respect as form of keeping quiet to each other to keep the comfortable status quo and a general convenience that extends to economical protection mechanisms as well as the rest of societal-benefits that are existent toward ‘families’ in between as the ‘settled’ ones – this is just because of how much benefit to the system there is when ‘raising kids’ and becoming an integral force that supports the system of abuse.

A hostile environment between members in a family is essentially the pot in which the ‘future of the world’ is usually brewed in. Therefore it is quite clear that the family system must be reformed/ corrected to consider all beings as equals, wherein actual support is given from one member to each other to develop ourselves to the fullest potential.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in pretense where everything is ‘its right place’ without realizing how I created myself as the counter act to such false pretension and in this, existing as the acceptance of such pretense of ‘everything is fine’ being actually so.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to neglect the fact that I created myself out of being an opposite to my family and in this, seeing myself as unfit to fill the idea of ‘everything is fine’ and ‘normality’ yet in essence, still subduing myself to fit a pattern that I can take as ‘my own’ in opposition, without seeing it came out of spitefulness toward the family system.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to deliberately sabotage myself just so that I didn’t have to ‘strive’ any further to ‘conquer’ the ideal position that was promoted within my family system.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to exist as a deliberate ‘deviation’ from my family which proves that I played out the ‘atheist’ so to speak wherein I am still defined by the idea of ‘how I must be’ according to what the familiar standard is/was by becoming the opposite of it, the denial of it and within this, pretending that I ‘found my place’ while in fact I created it for the sake of not having to struggle with fitting in and fulfilling others’ ideas and expectations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘all is well’ in the family where in fact, there’s been an underlying rivalry all the way which I took on as an opportunity to stand outside of the mold, as a form of bailing myself out from such ideals – yet in essence formed from the idea that I am not able or capable/ suitable enough to be/ become that which others want me to be.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create such a dependency on how I was being perceived within the family to the point of thinking that it is all revolving around myself, therefore feeling like ‘I could not keep up with the high expectations’ upon me, eventually resorting to ‘break the pattern’ and step out of the competition to be the ‘best’ within the family.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to act in deliberate ways to keep the status quo, to not place things into the fire for the sake of seeing ‘what may burn’ which is in essence forgiving myself for fearing creating conflict that could turn into my own detriment as the safety net that family provides – in essence still allowing myself to be trapped within the entire manipulation existent within it.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be affected surreptitiously about the fact that I knew I wasn’t ‘the favorite one’ and in this, accepting my side as the ‘relegated’ one in the family, yet finding a comfort in it because I could be ‘in my own place’ without having others to compete with.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create myself out of a definition of how others would see and define me within their own value-schemes, without realizing that I am not that which others see and perceive about me, I am not that which I still believe I am as an image, personality and memory-system of various experiences that can only stem as a limitation/ definition to who I realize I am.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be ‘overshadowed’ by the ‘grace’ that my sisters showed to others wherein I saw myself as incapable of being equal to – therefore becoming the ‘black sheep’ as a deliberate way to step out of such competition.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to deny the fact that any form of jealousy existed toward my sisters as a way of not realizing that the entirety of myself has been created as a counter-act in polarity of what they are/ represent within the family structure.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to accept myself as inferior to my sisters because of their ability to create experiences within me that I could not ‘control’ when I was a little girl – hence becoming a complete separate pattern of what they ‘are’ so that I could not participate in their games any longer.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be jealous of my sisters because of how they would be socially-appealing and graceful wherein I saw myself as unfit to be that, making of myself then the counter act so that I didn’t have to ‘compete’ with them to be ‘better than’ and in that, accepting a perceived ‘inferior position’ wherein I didn’t have to play the game – yet remaining within this inferiority self-perception.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there was only ‘space’ for someone being ‘outstanding’ within the family system and in that, giving away the ability that I had to become a self-perfected human being because of accepting myself as ‘flawed’ specifically when comparing myself to my sisters and others within the family system.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create my own survival mechanism by ‘getting of of the game’ and becoming an ‘unfit player’ for such game which is then how I created myself as the opposite and counter act to my sisters so that I could have ‘my own place’ in reality and feel ‘ok’ within it.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel bullied by my sisters when growing up and in that, generating resentment toward them because of how ‘mean’ they were to me, which I then used as a form of ‘seeing myself as better than’ once that I created that ‘safe place’ for myself where I didn’t have to fit in their schemes anymore.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ‘place the other cheek’ whenever I was bullied by my sisters and within this, accepting myself as inferior, as flawed and as too feeble to stand up for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately suppress the anger and sadness caused within the sisters’ relationship just so that pretending wouldn’t seem such a ludicrous game to play as a family.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel ‘inadequate’ within my family and not-accepted, therefore resorting to seek people in my world where I could be ‘accepted’ and ‘liked/ loved’ for ‘what I was’ which was nothing else but a counter act to the accepted norm within the family system – therefore seeking for others that would feel the exact same way to resort in similar misery with each other.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that my ‘friends’ were my ‘real family’ wherein I actually created my new definition of what ‘family is’ which is a mutual acceptance through deliberate manipulation to remain as the idea/ image of that which we like in each other, keeping the status quo of that inherent self rejection and never willing to support us to actually Live.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel ‘bad’ whenever I had to realize the actual manipulation and lies/ deception going on in between the family members, which I could only witness and keep quiet about so that I wouldn’t form any discord in the moment.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be affected by others’ comments in the family toward me being ‘a bug’ in the family and within that, becoming even more self righteous within my self created black-sheep suit.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to never realize I was only spiting myself and no one else within this self created opposition toward a system that I now see and realize I cannot allow myself to continue being influenced by in terms of defining myself according to it.

Okay, so far several points debunked – it’s all in the family, everyone’s got a similar story so I suggest you dare to investigate for yourself how yours went.

Thanks for reading.

fakesmile


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