Tag Archives: luxury

209. Successful Living = Capitalist Brainwash

Continuing with the Elitist Character

 

Continuing with Self Forgiveness begun in the last post 208. Doing Good as Positive Credit-Rewards

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to want to emulate the people throughout history that have been quite famous/ recognized in terms of creating a revolution, creating massive movements to oppose a particular system and within that, create a ‘name’ for myself and glorify myself within it wherein I was willing to live by the rule of ‘the cause justifies the means’ and in that, become someone of/ with power/ influence in the world, not realizing how this was pursued due to the positive experience as a form of  desire to suit my interests/ my own benefit, and within this place more emphasis on the rewards I would get than the actual cause/ work to be done, which I saw it as a weakness that could be a certainty if I allowed myself to be dishonest – which even now I see could only exist if I would still be fooled by the mirage one is able to buy with money and call that a ‘successful living’ and make it as if all the neglect toward all life within that was not relevant, which is something one cannot turn a blind eye on any longer.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define power/ money/ wealth as something quite tempting at some stage when I was able to taste an inkling of what that could be like, and enjoying the energy, the attention, the recognition, the comfort, the luxuries, the preferential treat that I would be able to experience as an energetic experience of ‘feeling good’ within me, linking this to a justified happiness because I was willing to play the role in the game – so to speak – of standing in a leadership position of whatever I would have to do and within that, still hold dearly to my own personal interest of escalating social positions and being ‘at the top,’ without realizing that all leaders, all people ‘at the top’ end up mostly being corrupted by the power that such ‘top’ means – thus this is a matter of self honesty wherein I simply desired to be that person/ that role due to the power such position would bring as a form of social recognition instead of actually using that position to get to a point of absolute self-directive will, wherein one has the ability to support as many beings as possible to equalize and dignify the lives of all, which is definitely what is required to be done in this world.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore how anyone that has stood up in the past in order to create a change in this world, has been exterminated, decimated, ostracized or punished wherein I realize that the way is then not to oppose the system, but stand within it and also within this, realizing how any position of power would only exist if there is a way to continue perpetuating such ‘power’ which is through money and money is the point of abuse in itself. I realize that all the ‘good things’ that one has linked to money is mostly existing as an incentive to continue perpetuating the current sense of ‘freedom’ and ‘liberty’ that we’ve been brainwashed to link to any form of social-progress in/as capitalism, while in fact, all of the things that one can buy and consume with money/ power, is the product of abuse, the product of slavery, the product of the rape of the Earth, which I am not willing to support and give further attention as an incentive to move in this world.

 

I realize that it is mostly impossible for me to now link any form of power  as wealth/ more money than the majority as an equivalent of abuse and as such, we can only direct all money to fund a cause that will enable Life to be recognized as the only value in this world. This means, using money to finalize money as a world system of exchange of abuse and make-believe values – and instead, transform Money into Equal Money wherein we can all realize to what extent we have imposed our own separation as an energetic experience onto this world and our own physical bodies, which is how we have created money as a set of make-believe values that have only a point of reference and understanding within our minds, according to the values we have given to ourselves and everything in separation of ourselves, creating relationships of Energy instead of realizing our Equality and Oneness as Life.

 

I realize that a form of directive will must exist in order to stand as an example of what it is to deal with what is considered ‘power’ at the moment and not get lost by it. This implies at all times realizing the reason and principle I stand by as Life, which is immovable as the constant and consistent breath that is the real and only power that I can exist as, which means, the real power I have is here as myself as my physical body and every moment of breath that I commit myself to dedicate myself to establish a way to Learn how to Live in this world as Equals.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to harbor these images of experiences in my past wherein I saw what it would be like to have lots of money and be in a position of recognition by many, as something that I enjoyed at an egotistical level, without even looking at the reality that is here as the majority that is certainly having no access to any form of luxury or ‘preferential treat’ and comfort that money brings – thus

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be enticed by an experience of ‘wealth’ as comfort/ benefits/ preferential treat, as this experience that I wanted to have for the rest of my life, which is how I came to understand how rich people actually experience themselves when having it all, and within that, having it very easy to get lost within the benefits that one get with and while having money which is in fact so if one neglects reality and loses perspective of it while being high on the experience of money.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to learn how to ‘aim high’ as a constant ad-vice in my life, wherein my abilities and capabilities were being envisioned toward positions and careers wherein I would be able to get ‘the most money’ and the moment that I opted for a career wherein ‘the most money’ was not a certainty, was from the starting point of ‘spiting the system’ that I had desired to conquer  at first. I realize that all extremes are just forms of self sabotage, because  when I was aiming for my ultimate desires of fame/ fortune and when I went into an absolute denial of money/ this system, I was only still seeking to satisfy what seemed ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ to me, based on morals that were construed by my own preference of ‘who I wanted to be’ based on a certain character in society, which in the end or the last one was getting to be a famous person that could speak and change the world while still remaining in a certain position of power and recognition, just like sociologists, linguists, political analysts or even financial advisors would do.

 

I realize that the only acceptable direction that I can give myself is to use what I am able and capable of and direct it to an outcome that will benefit all beings equally, and that there is no ‘true satisfaction’ within ‘having it all’ because all of such ‘things/ pleasures/ luxuries’ are the product of our current world system wherein there can be no wealth without abuse, which is what we are mostly unaware of when owning things and not seeing the entire process that are involved for it all to be these sellable items that we are able to acquire/buy in stores.  I realize that when looking at all ideas of wealth/ power/ money, I was never taught about the actual process that it takes to create such forms of  ‘wealth’ and why exactly they were valued as such. I realize that I lived my life deliberately not wanting to look at the ‘ugly aspect’ of everything that I would be able to buy/ consume, because of ‘feeling bad’ about it – but, within this self-manipulation process, I then turned a blind eye to that which is the foundation to any form of power, which is enslavement and abuse of that which I am one and equal to as well.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be enticed by the roles that I would see on the TV by people that had throughout history, apparently, trying to ‘make a change’ in this world and still be having fun, still be famous, rich wealthy – or the direct opposite with people like Gandhi that lead me to think that maybe I had to ‘give it all up’ – I realize that both extremes are just not workable, are not practical either and that the only acceptable way is to establish a relationship with money in a way that I don’t see it as a form of ‘power/ wealth’ but as a means to establish that which will enable the actual benefit for all beings in a constant and consistent manner.

 

I realize that money – just as anything else in my reality – must be equalized within me in order to not be moved by any form of ‘desire for more’ to become my incentive within reality. I realize that money is a means to establish a world system that will be best for all – and as such, we can only buy and consume what we require to live and direct it to fund the solution that will be sustainable as best for all in the long run. Any form of greed within ourselves is mostly stemming from how we were educated to always seek for more/ want more/ escalate the social ladder more and more. This implies that, who we have become as the result of having capitalist diapers so to speak, is the desire for more, the linkage of happiness to consumerism, to buying and accumulation of wealth/ saving as our purpose in life, when Life has Nothing to do with that, nor happiness can be linked to any form of benefit that only stands within the constrains of a system that only allows a fraction of the population to aspire such ‘happiness’- state.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link luxuries, comfort, preferential treat, specialness, exclusivity as aspects that I aimed to get in my life due to how I was educated to get to a position of power and within that, ‘satisfy’ myself/ my life and ‘accomplish’ many things that would be ‘praised’/ recognized/ highly rewarded with money as a sign of success, which is why I ended up despising money – apparently – and revolting toward all the expectations built toward me, to the point where I am now wherein I am not satisfying my design/ life path and instead, veering toward a best for all outcome, which is precisely deliberately stating that any form of satisfaction that I sought was a selfish act of self-indulgence in the benefits/ treatment that money represents within the system for my own personal glory. I realize that the primary personalities I have built as myself have money as foundation, have a desire for recognition as foundation and a desire to be ‘more’ as foundation.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to build the entirety of who I am according to a future projection of having a lot of money/ being in a position of power and recognition as the motive/ motor of my life. This is how today, I realize that I must move myself as a physical being, as the recognition of who I really am as life – and that has nothing to do with consciousness as money as a driving force for further energy. Who I am as breath is consistent and constant and there is nothing that can ‘beat’ that,  as it is what is real. I realize that money and the current perceived power is the result of our collective negligence and brainwash accepted as ‘world system.’ I realize that the moment that we understand money as consciousness, there is no way we can be ‘moved’ by it, as it represents the gateway to further experiences that can only be existent as mind-experiences of so called happiness,, bliss, enjoyment, fulfillment – all of them only existent as energies built with energies and energy is the result of the entire friction and separation from ourselves as life that we have been and become until this day, which means: the abuse of ourselves as life.

 

This is how only through equalizing money will we veer our eyes to look at that which is real, that which has Always been here but we ‘agreed’/ a-greed  to cover up with further ideas of wealth/ power/ benefits within a system that allowed such delusions as something acceptable and real and even more so, linked to ‘positivity’ without understanding a single thing of how all things ‘positive’ came to be within our existence -

 

Thus – I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see how every single desire that I had for ‘more,’ for ‘wealth’ within society was based on the collective acceptance of wealth as something positive, as a synonym of happiness and as such, believe that I had to conquer the world in order to be the most successful no matter what – without realizing that in such desire life was never part of my consideration, nor were any other beings involved within it, nor was any acknowledgement of the world’s situation taken into consideration or was deliberately side-viewed to create a personality that would be ‘acceptable’ such as the character of doing ‘something good’ for humanity – but at the same time, having and obtaining all the benefits that I believed would come with it.  I realize that this energetic imprint was gotten from all those bits of moments of benefits, luxury, comfort, special treatment within my life that became these bits of heaven that I sought to re-enact throughout my life through people, through situations and in this, reducing life to a mere experience at an energetic level, reducing life to a file of positive-experiences that I could then use as a testimony of ‘having had a good life.

 

I realize that these experiences are only created in my mind – and that are only real as the illusion that I accepted and allowed myself to believe was real in such moments of experiencing what it was to have money/ benefits in this reality.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to conveniently and systematically save these desires ‘for later’ and hiding them as if they were ‘not important’ within me and my process due to seeing the entire experience as something that wasn’t relevant within my life, apparently, not realizing how when opening up the point, the desire to have that became quite an ingrained aspect of ‘who I am’ as a personality in itself that I became unaware of, seeking to become someone to get that amount of money and benefits.

 

I realize that all my desire to hide myself, to not be seen, to seclude and isolate myself at some point in my life, was essentially due to me not getting  what I wanted/ my ‘dreams’ come true and as such, I am aware of the extremist nature that I have played out, wherein I want it all or non and within this, when it comes to being patient for a point to develop, I simply get desperate and ‘give up,’ believing it won’t work, without ever having had enough patience to stand as the constant and persistent breath to allow something to develop, to work on something that will have a ‘fruitful outcome’ as the accumulation of the effect of constant and consistent work on something.

 

I realize that the conditions within our world have lead us to only ‘move’ if there is some form of benefit in the way, however, when one realizes that the ‘pay’ for such movement can only be money, and money is the point that we are here to reform/ change and align to a best for all outcome, I cannot possibly be moved by the same abuse that I am standing up to expose and reform, as well as realizing that once one decides to live by a principle, there is no way you can fool yourself and have a ‘peace of mind’ about it while knowing that your intentions are others – that simply cannot exist when one is aligning the totality of who one is as one and equal because in that, any form of power is an immediate dishonesty and self-deception of course.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to even create a double headed ‘me’ wherein toward others in my life wherein I would be presenting myself as an ‘anti-system’ person, a detractor of capitalism – yet in the inside still waiting to have the same kind of benefits I would witness were able to be obtained even by being a detractor of capitalism – which is through positions of academicism and intellectuals that were and are still doing this.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to desire the lives of the sociologists and political analysts, economists and historians that I met throughout my life, creating the inherent desire to be like them with all the knowledge, all the understanding of the system and getting great money to live in my ‘dream-like way’ with things that I learned were ‘acceptable’ to have and own in my reality, while being in a position of ‘opposing capitalism.’ I realize that these seemingly ‘unimportant’ aspects of my past became pillars for me to direct my life to be and become a particular character that could justify wealth/ power while apparently ‘standing up’ for a change in the system, which was mostly desiring to make money within the system out of opposing it through theory, through art, through knowledge and information as I became aware many people does.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire a sybarite type of lifestyle, the same type of lifestyle that I got to be aware of from mostly intellectuals I met in my life experience, which made it an acceptable way to become rich/ powerful/ be recognized for doing ‘something’ to ‘save the world/ change the system’ while having a top luxurious home, a top luxurious type of ‘organic lifestyle’ and related types of businesses – mostly in the cultural aspect of society – that I became aware of as a possibility for me to remain as a ‘good person’ at the eyes of society, while benefitting from the money in capitalism just as the most self-proclaimed capitalist supporter would do.

 

I see and realize that there is no way to mask ourselves trying to play the ‘good character’ at the eyes of others, when the desires behind such character were the same as anyone else that would be openly willing to abuse to get the most benefit out of money/ power/ wealth – because I see and realize that as long as money becomes a driving force in itself for personal interest = there is a problem and lack of integrity and within this, a deliberate act of ignorance and or negligence toward the understanding of how money operates in this world.

I realize that the only sane way to direct our money is to support ourselves to continue doing what we are doing as Desteni and the Equal Money System, which is the unique platform within this world that promotes a world system change based on principles that stand for All Life Equally beginning with Self-Education  – thus there cannot be ay form of self interest in a selfish mode within this – it can only be directed as and by principle – and in this I absolutely trust myself as being able and capable of living this, because I am aware of how futile it would be to ‘fall’ for something that is as ephemeral as money, as make-believe as money, as the actual nonsense that money has become when it comes to adding a certain value to what is here and a positive experience stemming from that which is of this Earth in order to establish a form of control to it. It is Unacceptable and quite delusional from us human beings to not see how we have dug our own grave due to giving money the power of ‘god’ that doesn’t exist but only through the self-righteousness to abuse the reality that is here in the name of success and happiness as an acceptable way to abuse the world and each other.

 

I commit myself to live and realize the dedication to life exists here in every breath and any other form of distraction from what is here as the simplicity of life, is capitalist brainwash, is familial brainwash, is ingrained patterns that I have accepted and allowed myself to become as my mind. I assist and support myself to bring myself back to breath as the physical every time that I experience a ‘longing’ for something ‘more’ than myself here in the moment, as that which is real and who I really am, as ALL that is Here as Life.

 

I commit myself to expose how money is the product of the knowledge and information we have imposed onto life – and as such, we are directly responsible and capable of aligning money to a best for all equation that dignifies Life in reality for all beings.

 

I commit myself to expose wealth/ power as the actual evil they represent within this current world system, which is conveniently being sugar coated to neglect the actual processes behind such wealth.

 

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202. Optimism as a Sign of Success

 

Continuing with the Elitist Character – word of the day: Hypocrisy

 

Also suggest exploring my previous approach to  Day 39: Hypocrisy which is the precise word I woke up with this morning, which taps into the ‘good person’ character tied to the Elitist character.

 

Since I walked that point of hypocrisy, it becomes blatantly evident the moment that I pull out a smile just to be representing a form of optimism and within that, obtain a point of benefit with other people. It happened yesterday actually with another lady that smiled at me and I one split second I decided to smile back just to create a form of ‘warmth’ in the moment, which is part of the belief system that is quite ingrained here, not so much openly talking to each other and being ‘overtly expressive’ but just a smile on the face says it all, and I learned this and the memory that comes to mind – lol – is about my mother and she’s aware of this how I would observe her and as she was interacting with other people like in social situations, friends and so forth, she would act in a complete different way and this always concerned me, because she acted so differently toward other beings whereas she would be less ‘docile’ and ‘gentle’ when talking to us, her daughters and at home let’s say. And so because I would observe her doing this, I pointed it out to her even from a very early age like: hey have you noticed how you keep a very tight smile on your face when you’re talking to people, and then I’m talking to you and you don’t pay any attention to me?’ And she was seemingly unaware of this going on, which kind of concern me how ‘off’ she seemed every time that we were with people that we were supposed to have to behave toward them with a certain ‘class’ and ‘etiquette’ and ‘mannerisms’ that we learn almost by osmosis. I mean, I didn’t get much instructions to do that, I simply knew how things worked wherein if we were with any form of elitist/ important people – and not that I hung out with many, lol – but what I perceived people of ‘respect’ according to this system which implied someone that would do business with my father or some other important family connection – and in this, I learned ‘la politesse’ which was mostly linked to behaving in a very adamant way toward my parents when being in front of these people and looking for ways to present myself in a more  candid and jocose expression BUT moderated, because whenever I would begin feeling ‘at ease’ my  mother would start making gestures for me to keep it down/ tone it down/ keep quiet or not speak openly about certain topics, which I was a specialist for, I mean I’m talking about being 5-6 years old and very much living out the pattern of wanting all the attention from people in a not so direct manner, but slowly but surely seeking their attention.

 

These ingredients were basic foundation of the elitist character which would come up whenever I was the ‘small girl of the house’ and there was no other girl that I could compare myself to  – but only be the ‘star of the night’ and end up having people liking me, adoring me at the end of the day, which is what caused me a sense of acceptance within society – therefore, I had learned the ‘recipe’ which was smiling, being docile and gentle and optimistic and funny and all of these aspects that would make people laugh and like me. However all of this was learned from the context of relationships = the key to success in our reality. All these people we’ve met through my father’s business people which became like a second family to me and learned their ways of how to handle myself in such situations and even more so later on when having to play out other roles within the same context due to my father’s two year leadership  position in a certain association, which I will also walk through because as I’ve been writing, I can see that a lot of myself got imprinted from that time wherein I would go to these national conventions and meet all of these people and learn how to handle myself in greeting many unknown beings that I was supposed to be ‘glad to meet,’ lol  – I mean it’s quite hectic to do this when you’re 6 years old, 9- 10 and having to present this one ‘nice side’ of you the whole time, just because ‘that’s how things work.’ And all these people were also part of the group of people from which this memory that I’ve been walking in the past blogs  stem from. 

 

From all of these events and situations I was ‘put through’ at an early age, I learned how to ‘behave’ in society and create this immaculate image of myself which I later on realize even influenced my decisions in life and relationships to the extent of becoming spiteful to it all when raging against ‘the elite’ and ‘society’ in my older years – but for now, I  am speaking about the first 7 years of my life and a bit older up to the puberty phase wherein I still desired to be part of  the so called ‘elite’ within society. Even the way that I dressed obviously gave a 180 degree turn when I decided I would no longer be wanting to study to become some ‘financial advisor’/ actuary and earn lots of money to travel around the world, and choosing that ‘ideal career’ just because of how I was told I would be able to ‘handle it’ and make lots of money with it, which obviously moved my interest to be part of the elite and held such desire of becoming it until my early teens.

 

Within this, there were Several dimensions added to what I am explaining, such as ways to behave, to interact with others, the clothes that I’d wear, the gestures, mannerisms,  sometimes even the lies I had to learn how to disguise when learning ‘how things work ‘ in what is called a ‘political manner’ wherein two people can be talking bullshit about each other all the time but, when being in official meetings be smiling in photographs and standing next to each other as if nothing happened – and the same with the families that had to get along even if there was a massive massacre of gossip and lies going on behind.  From there I became very reserved about ‘my private life’ lol toward people, till this day – and also I can see some grandfather influence on that based on my entire mother’s family being mostly people that relate to ‘people in power’ and me learning about all of that and carrying some ‘flair’ even if I never really get to see a single penny of that, lol.

 

Now, this is not for the purpose of exposing anything of my family or myself – this happens really every single day and it is nothing else but the reality that we have become wherein all that is kept ‘untouched’ is a reputation that can ensure money is always on your pocket/ bank account, and how even if I questioned such ‘conditions’ of people being hypocrite to each other, I was told that that’s how it works and that coming up with the truth or creating a disruption based on disagreeing with others could lead to a rupture in the entire association – and within that I learned that people had to keep a mask on in order to succeed, to survive whatever situation they were in. This was though in terms of handling situations/ businesses and associations at national level, which was of great pressure for my father which I took personal and actually developed quite an anxious personality when having to behave myself in such moments/ events when being participating along in these reunions – and I’m talking about being  9.- 10 years old and I would take the whole thing too seriously I’d say, wherein I knew exactly what was being spoken about this and that person, yet we had to sit with them and share the table while having to put up a smile on my face all the time, even though we all knew we could not really ‘bear our guts’ due to the unspoken problems and situations going ‘underneath the current’ which were not being confronted between families and were kept as a ‘thing of males’ that had to be sorted out in secret meetings/ in private.

 

So, this is a basic layout of an aspect of my life that I had side viewed for quite some time and within that also being permanently used to having some form of benefit that lead us to have a ‘piece of heaven’ every now and then, which made the whole act of pretending quite worth it according to the morals I had learned throughout these years of course – there was no consideration of any form of equality or ‘giving to all’ implied other than my father teaching me how to administrate money and make the economy ‘roll’ by consuming/ buying and within that, not hoarding the money but supporting others through you buying them.

 

I realize that this became an important aspect for me to consider due to the age that I was when I got to be exposed to ‘the ways of the world of success’ and essentially learning with great ease how I could just present myself in a definitive positive way as a happy educated considerate respectful girl that would be ‘accepted’ everywhere due to that, eventually learning quite well how to manipulate people to my own benefit of course and in all of this, was I even considering why only ‘I’ had the opportunity of having such moments of ‘bliss’ and ‘nice life’ even indirect experiences wherein just by ‘association’ I was able to get a good treatment, a point of favoritism or preference, which became a constant point that I sought to maintain, not being ‘part of the mass’ but standing out one way or another, which became my inherent desire to be apparently –lol – original and unique and all of that which became quite strong when being my teens and even rebelling to all of these ‘treats’ in order to ‘stand out’ even from the patterns and expectations that I believed I was being expected to fulfill within my family.

And so that also ended when I realized that not the good or the opposite antagonist character was actually me, obviously, but that I simply had to stop acting out a character only for the sake of my own benefit in any/ all areas of my life, and dare to see who I am without me supporting such characters. Obviously I am speaking about getting to Desteni and beginning to see what I had become – and in this realizing that it is not about not smiling or not having relationships or not wanting to participate in the system – no, it is all about the starting point of what I decide to be and become within the consideration at all times of that which I participate in  being what is best for all in all ways.

 

So, what I will continue debunking specifically after this ‘refresher’ for myself and what I had accepted and allowed within this façade of optimism/ positivity and general character of being a ‘good person’ in order to fit in the ‘higher society’  became part of ‘who I am’ as a constant character that would always be measuring myself and others according to the ‘level of success’ we had within the system, obviously seeing myself as ‘successful’ and expecting probably a lot from myself that was all directly linked to money – and this is part of the points that I haven’t faced within myself, how I would picture myself 10 years ago being this successful writer or working in some publication as an editor in chief or being a financial advisor – lol – I mean, it is plain to see that we are always taught to ‘aim high’ in society, but we never question why we were even only being trained to have such leadership positions while going on ‘missions to support the poor’ – I’m talking about junior high and high school in Jesuit school – and never even pondering WHY poverty exists and WHY we had to be come this type of benevolent dictators within society that would ‘manage’ and ‘administrate’ a point in our society BUT with a pinch of humanitarianism in the Jesus’ style which is more like a Jesuit style wherein money obviously plays great role in it.

 

It is fascinating how one believes that we were not influenced by seemingly ‘unimportant moments/ situations’ in life, but we were and to a great extent. Now, all of this is me ‘laying it all out’ not for the sake of exposing any organization or my family or anything else but just the patterns that we have become as society, wherein we have learned how to lie, how to keep a smile upon our face in order to be liked, accepted and within that, follow the lines of this optimistic/ positive type of approach in this capitalist world wherein it’s all about how you Present yourself as an image to others in order to get a job, get a promotion, be successful in whatever you do, learning that in order to create relationships you have to be cordial and moderately jocose toward them and keeping this ‘puffed up’ stance in order to equate yourself to a Belief of what power should ‘Feel like’ – all based on the idea of money that I have discussed and walked within Self-Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements in order to equalize myself to my physical and the postures that I decide to implement within myself for physical support, instead of linking them to a sense of superiority/ money / power that can only exist in our minds and the entire generations we’ve lived in this world with Royals and Elite beings that we’ve learned to mimic and copycat in order to apparently ‘attain’ the same success and power they represent, which is part of the whole consumerist society trick that is in  no way acceptable, since all we have been doing is chasing the carrot on the stick with a Great Smile on our face while neglecting the reality that is HERE and being lived with billions not having anything to eat – I mean, all of this proves how we are essentially tunneled vision to disregard anyone ‘below you’ and only look ‘up and above you’ to aim to get near/ close to or equal to people in power and control in society, which is simply being and becoming part of the Elite.

 

This also obviously created a huge dissonance within me, even more so when us people from ‘the city’ would be placed to live with poor people in remote locations for a few days to learn how they live and within that, apparently gain some form of understanding and consideration toward those ‘unfortunate ones,’ but it was actually us just interrupting them in their day to day living conditions, just because of wanting to get a ‘close view’ to them as if they were specimens to be explored and studied and investigated in order to later on simply write an essay for our ‘human values’ class, and report how much we’ve learned to ‘value what we had at home’ and how we would want to ‘change their situation’ someday, but never in fact even being fully aware of how their condition is directly created by the ‘higher positions’ in society, and how without their work in the fields we would have nothing to eat, and how all the money they lacked was probably spent in order to spiff up some part of the city to attract more capital and more investment to become what my home city has become now, quite the epitome of elitism to the max, to a point wherein there are capitals stemming from drug cartels being directly poured into infrastructure, which is actually becoming a mined field, wherein criminals are now resorting to hide there in great mansions and places that are being newly built,  which reveals how far we’ve gone in our world in order to continue this idea of wealth and power wherein nowadays, trafficking guns and drugs is part of the ‘normal riches’ in society, having no scrutiny or any form of regard toward knowing where does all the money come from, which is obviously money laundry and criminal activities. All of this coming from the sheer desire to be part of the elite, to be able to survive with comfort in our reality. Are any of the 40 million poor people (or more) in this country even looked at within all of this that I just explained? – Not at all.  And this is the context for the ‘big cities’ that can afford having a ‘great life’ here in a country that also has one of the richest man in the world, which implies that the highest level of slavery also exists here in an ‘unspoken manner’ just because of essentially allowing only a few to become extra rich out of companies that obviously should be  part of the basic services that – as any other service for that matter – should be free and equally available for all, which is communication.

 

Right now, I am only able to communicate and use the internet and my phone thanks to that rich elite person – hence it is not to want to ‘oppose’ them, it is about seeing how such services must be equalized and available for all within a system that stops promoting the ‘growth’ of power/ capital for only a few that own the entire business/ infrastructure/ industry – but are taken to the point of considering how Life can thrive only in equality and how not only in this country but everywhere in the world, we can become the best living beings we were always meant to be if we stop seeking and hunting preys only for our own benefit – that is stopping viewing life with only a positive attitude of winning and instead, direct our effort to create solutions that can benefit all individuals equally.

 

I experience this as if I had exposed some part of my ‘secret religion’ lol which is interesting because of how we tend to brush aside or ‘leave out of the picture’ aspects that defined quite a lot of ‘who we are’ at the moment and how we stand within our world at the moment, which I will go explaining as I walk and continue the elitist character until it is done with implies all the hidden desire for money, for success and power that got suppressed and transformed into a retaliation toward the system, only to then realize that it is not about opposing the system, nor about seeking to ‘become a better person’ – but about transforming the system into a structure that supports all beings equally, and that is what we are proposing as the Equal Money System.

 

I realize I will also have to clear up my starting point of any form of wanting to ‘clear up my past’ toward standing for equality now, having now seen that all that I obviously initially wanted was to be part of a select few that could ‘remain having it all,’ So I realize that no guilt and no ‘clearing up act’ can be the starting point of supporting the Equal Money System – that is how radically self honest we must be in order to be able to stand in the face of everyone and be able to walk our past, our entire lives and see where and how we were only existing for that ‘piece of heaven’ that money enabled for only a few. Time to burst all the bubbles and elitist dreams – this world can only ‘afford’ Equality now.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep these memories of my past and those ‘bits of heaven’ as something positive and ‘good’ that happened in my life early on, wherein I never questioned further how the motivation of me moving toward a position of money and ‘power’ in this world was not something ‘natural’ or stemming from my ‘inherent impulse’ to become part of the elite/ people with lots of money in this world, but was based on the entire process of being exposed to the benefits and reality that people with lots of money experience, which became a part of my ‘operative system’ without me being fully aware of it, wherein I would have an immediate assessment of my reality according to money/ power/ benefits that I could get from a relationship, a situation and accordingly act and behave in order to obtain it.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to brush aside seemingly ‘unimportant aspects of my life’ that are directly linked to how I was educated and what I was exposed in terms of money and the benefits that such money brings which became part of the desire that I held throughout my life – either in a conscious or an unconscious manner – as a form of not only surviving in this world, but making ‘lots of money’ in order to have the most comfortable lifestyle that I had become aware of by the people that I would hang out with through my life

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to adopt the optimistic way of being as way to succeed in this world and within this, becoming a sociable person in my early years wherein I knew that ‘success was guaranteed’ if one satisfies another person by standing as a positive individual that has a positive stance such as smiling and speaking in the most ‘adequate’ manners, ensuring within that my acceptance or even appraisal from other beings/ mostly grown ups which made me feel like I was already paving my way to success in my future, and this was only me as a child, which also contributed to me not being used to hanging out with lots of children, but mostly being wanting to form part of the ‘adult world’ at an early age – all of this because of having learned the ways of entertainment and enjoyment that grown ups had – all of this due to being exposed to it at an early age, which lead me to ‘aim high’ within the first phase of my life to become equally successful and rich to be part of that circle of people for real, and not just ‘sporadically.’

 

When and as I see myself wanting to present myself in a positive attitude and optimistic expression from the starting point of covering up my desire to be part of an elite and or be successful by creating relationships wherein I am regarded as this positive/ responsible being, I stop and I breathe – I realize that everything that I have become is the direct outflow of learning how to survive and ‘make it’ in this world based on money – and that all that I require to do is re-direct these aspects to a best for all outcome wherein I see that it is not about now opposing the system or ‘retaliating’ about it – as I’ve done in the past – but simply insert myself within the system with this acquired points in order to benefit the most people possible in my reality as that Is what I really want to be and become, a spokesperson that can deal with all types of people in order to educate ourselves to understand how it is only through working together as Equals that we can bring forth and sustain a system that supports everyone equally, wherein no more ‘social statuses’ will exist, but only that which is best for all and for that, we have the absolute power to decide to do so now that we see and realize how detrimental to our world and reality it is to keep a system based on profit and self interest for only a few, just because of life not being regarded as equal in all ways.

 

Self Forgiveness will continue as well as Self Corrective Statement to Align myself to that which is Best for All.

 

 

Desteni

Desteni I Process

Desteni Lite Process : Enroll today, Free Online Course to learn the living skills to live in Equality

Equal Money System

 

Press the funk

Watch:

Barbara Ehrenreich – Smile or Die

 

Blogs:

 
The Series of Interviews The Soul of Money exists as a backbone and necessary material to study in order to understand the dynamics of the monetary system, economics and our individual lifestyles – a must hear to have a practical perspective on the changes necessary within this world in order to create a living condition that is best for all.

 

Suggest reading the following series by Maya Harel to understand the Desteni Message

The Correction Process and The Desteni Message (Part 1) – Day 198

The Correction Process and The Desteni Message (Part 2) – Day 199

The Correction Process and The Desteni Message (Part 3) – Day 200

The Correction Process and The Desteni Message (Part 4) – Day 201

The Correction Process and The Desteni Message (Part 5) – Day 202

 

 


201. Friends of Convenience: for a little piece of Heaven

Continuing with the Elitist Character

Continuing with Self Forgiveness, Self Corrective Statements and Self Commitments (Part 4) on the Elitist Character from the memory within the 197. Friends of Convenience post.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek to benefit from friendships and people in my environment that were in better economic positions than myself in order to enjoy their lifestyle when being at their house, even though sometimes I was not being comfortable around the people themselves, but simply held onto it because of wanting to ‘be in the place but not with the people,’ which indicates a level of compromise that I essentially manipulated myself to be and become in order to have a taste of ‘the good life’ that I perceived I didn’t have, which became only a point that I became aware of through other people since I had the necessary to live at home and lived ‘well’ – however not being used to being ‘spoiled’ and having certain ‘luxuries’ that I could have access to through other people as friends and their family that were ‘more wealthy’ than mine – within this

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself and my experience based on the picture presentation of the place I am in, the comfort and luxuries I can have access to wherein I actually ‘fear’ becoming so used to it when I have to go back to my house and realize that ‘my position is not as good as theirs,’ and within that, create a dissonance in my own experience according to the place I live in, the general economic position that is not as ‘wealthy’ as I wished it to be – and in that, create a point of inferiority and dissatisfaction within my self as my ‘beingness’ which indicates the level of self-manipulation I have accepted and allowed to exist within me based on ‘where I am’ and ‘with whom I am’ and allow that to determine myself and my every moment of not being here breathing, but rather limiting myself according to what I ‘see’ and ‘experience’ which are all aspects that relate to ‘who I am as the mind

 

When and as I see myself determining my beingness according to the picture presentation of the place I am being in and the people around me and define it as either ‘less than’ or ‘more than’ my own house and living condition – I stop and I breathe – I realize that the moment I allow a picture presentation and the environment to define who I am within myself, I am being subject to energy and reducing my breathing-moment of physically being here to only a good or bad experience as a the positive or negative that I had defined according to a superior or inferior position based on the amount of money one can have and experience oneself in – according to that which money can buy. I direct myself to remain breathing here as a physical living being that is self directive and not defined by pictures or people around me as all I realize that I am in this moment is here, as my physical body, as breath in stability.

 

When and as I see myself going into inferiority when experiencing myself in an environment with luxuries and ‘wealth’ and go into an inferiority mode about it, I stop and I breathe. I realize that it is all just part of the physical reality that is here and that any form of ‘moreness’ only exist as the value that we have accepted and allowed money to have in order to create such places/conditions for only a few human beings. Thus I direct myself to equalize myself to the physical reality that is nor positive or negative in itself, as these are all only human conditions imposed on the physical due to how our current monetary system functions.

 

I commit myself to equalize myself to the physical reality wherein the lie as the make-up ideals and beliefs imposed onto physicality stemming from the power we have given and created our current monetary system as, is seen as the point of inequality and abuse it represents, wherein all the majestic picture presentations of reality are mostly built upon abuse, which is unacceptable then to praise as ‘more than ourselves’ in any way whatsoever.

 

The point that emerges here is how for example we see things like ‘the great wall of China’ as something marvelous and majestic, however how many slaves had to give up their lives to build it, how many people had to literally give their entire physical force to build it and make it a reality. The same with all the great architecture of ancient times that we ponder as marvelous relics in this world, wherein we are not seeing the actual suffering and sweat spent in every single brick placed in such ‘astonishing constructions’ – and this is the principle to consider and apply to everything else that is deliberately built to imprint a point of power/ ownership and control even through constructions, houses, institutions, federal buildings, old castles, universities or entire cities that are built as the epitome of power and control in order to make a tangible representation of the amount of wealth/ money such country/ person has, which instead of being revered as something great, it should be recognized as the point of abuse it actually means.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to learn that I had to be ‘impressed’ by everything that ‘shines as gold’ and that represents having lots of money such as big houses, lots of cars, nice clothes, lots of toys, being able to travel and stay and eat in expensive places wherein the entire consideration of a ‘good life’ was imprinted within me as something that I had to ‘aim to’ and that one could only aspire to obtain through working hard – within this, becoming used to focusing on ‘fulfilling my elitist way of living’ in a future, instead of actually realizing or even considering how it is that only a few of us were being trained to become the ‘elite’ in terms of aspiring to get a higher position in society, while there were kids working on the streets with their parents because of barely having anything to eat. Within this not taking into consideration how I live and participate in a world wherein not everyone is being supported equally which implies that who we are as physical beings should aspire and actually commit ourselves to establish a world system that can support all beings equally.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be moved by my self interest to experience myself in a position of power/ wealth when and while visiting ‘friends’ and remaining within such relationships and friendships just because of being able to go biking in the area they lived in, or jump in their trampoline, be spoiled with watching movies and playing video games that I didn’t have, or dolls that I never got as well as a general over-protection that I considered such families to give to their kids, wherein I became resentful toward my parents for not giving me ‘as much as’ I saw other parents gave to their children, which is an indication of how I essentially valued more the material aspects and that which is self-interest based than an actual sense of ‘moderation’ and common sensical administration of our day to day living at home, which meant not going over the top with any form of luxury or ‘spoiling’ the children with lots of material stuff as we learned how to simply make things work with what we had which was actually precisely the necessary items and food and requirements – though, because I would see and witness these ‘over the top’ situations in other homes, I desired to have the life of others and within that, become judgmental about my house, my parents, my financial situation and later on desiring to be part of such elitist lifestyle, leading to an eventual downfall onto the opposite and creating further disparities Just because of wanting to experience myself in a positive manner when being in ‘wealthy environment.’

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself and convince me of remaining within friendships and relationships that signified a point of ‘collateral financial convenience’ wherein part of the friendship became me being able to be granted gifts, and going out to eat in expensive places, and ride in luxurious cars and have people paying for my bill and experiencing myself in their houses and so forth, wherein I experienced a sense of fulfillment for having all these things, while neglecting and brushing aside the actual relationship that I was cultivating with such people being mostly ‘accepted and allowed’ as in it not being in an equal and one stand of self support, but mostly compromised myself to remain in such relationships due to valuing everything that ‘they had given me’ as something that I had to ‘pay back for,’ which implies remaining friends with them even though clear points of abuse or manipulation were existing from both sides – I would remain within it out of fear of being seen as ‘ungrateful’ due to all the benefits that I had gotten from such specific family and friend.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define my relationships as something that I ‘enjoy’ based on the amount of money I could have access to through them in a collateral way – wherein I would be invited to tag along and experience what it is to have ‘more money’ than what I had and eventually becoming used to a point of luxury and comfort in my reality that I didn’t practically own, which became a reason in the back of my head to just maintain the relationships so that I could keep on benefitting from the comfort and luxury, which is plain manipulative and an indicator of how we are willing to ‘sell ourselves’ in order to have some material benefits in our lives.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to recognize how I had also been driven by my blatant self interest to ‘move’ myself within relationships and friendships in my life , wherein I would mostly seek to remain having some form of benefit while being with them which I obviously came to ‘fear losing’ if losing/ stopping the relationship, which is what eventually had to happen in order for me to face myself alone and at home and realizing everything that I had placed value/ worth upon in separation of myself and a relationship with Me first instead of seeking to be satisfied through material aspects and relationships that I accepted and allowed myself to ‘follow through with’ even if they weren’t self supportive at all.

I realize that following self interest implies a level of self abuse, because we are not aware of who or what we are dismissing, neglecting, shoving aside and deliberately ignoring in order to only focus on that which makes us ‘happy’ and ‘positive’ which in this world, cannot exist without the negative and the abusive aspect of our reality.

Thus, when and as I see myself valuing a relationship based on the benefits I will get from a certain place or situation I will be in while being in such relationship – I stop and I breathe – I realize that establishing relationships out of convenience is not the way to go within this world and that at all times, I have to ensure that I am not compromising myself for a ‘better experience’ in my reality based on having ‘more money’ – I realize that who I am cannot be determined by the external factors of a ‘nice picture to look at’ or conditions that are defined as luxury – I remain constant and consistent no matter where I live and who I am living with, which indicates that all relationships and decisions I establish within my life must consider money only as a practical requirement in order to buy the necessary to live, and that the amount thereof as in having ‘more’ than what is required cannot imply a point of positive experience within me – nor the lack of it create a negative experience within me, as I would then be subject to money as a determining factor to who I am, instead of focusing on money as a single point that we currently require to buy that which enables us to live.

 

When and as I see myself seeking only to satisfy my convenience of being with particular people in particular places wherein I am only considering my well being as in my personal enjoyment of the place and the people according to the amount of money ‘running’ in the place – I stop and I breathe – I direct myself to consider doing with money that which benefits all beings equally in the particular environment we are in, wherein the point of self interest only exists as a consideration of what is best for ALL beings equally – therefore I direct myself to ensure that I am participating in an adequate manner within an environment wherein I am not taking ‘more’ than what I need,nor am I lacking what I need which would imply also a reversed for m of ‘guilt’ toward my inherent desire to ‘have more than what I have’ – thus I equalize myself to consider having that which I require to live and stick to practicality at all times with regards to my relationship with money.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to when I realized at some point that I was being a self-interested person with regards to my reality, try and prove myself otherwise by establishing relationships that did not involve obtaining any form of material benefit, going to the extreme opposite of then compromising my own money and support ‘for others’ and within this, trying to play the savior toward then and trying to make people happy the same way that I had perceived myself to be ‘made happy’ when people could give me gifts and share their ‘wealth’ with me – not realizing that I was trying to ‘make up for’ my self interest by now giving to others and eventually compromising myself and my relationship with others based on wanting to ‘give’ and creating a polarized relationship in terms of support which became unsustainable and another point to recriminate the other being about in the end, in terms of how at this point in our lives the money factor does matter in terms of establishing an equal and one agreement to support ourselves instead of wanting to only have one side of the relationship doing it all, as I’ve seen and realized to what level we compromise ourselves whenever we are not supporting ourselves independently.

 

When and as I see myself trying to ‘give’ to others that may not have money as a way to ‘make them happy’ – I stop and I breathe – I realize that deep inside I am trying to ‘clear myself’ from having been self-interested in the past without realizing that who I ma here is not defined by the past any longer, nor do I have to ‘make up for it’ in order to become a ‘better person.’ I can simply direct myself to be supportive for myself and others without any form of compromise on a monetary level as I see and realize that we still live in a world wherein the best point for each one is to be able to fend for ourselves and create relationships/ agreements based on an equal participation to do so, as I am aware of the type of consequences and further play-outs when one of the sides within the relationship is compromised with the other at a monetary level, leading to inequality and a disruption in the relationship even if the communication and support is stable, if money becomes a problem then there is no way to solve it with ‘support and understanding.’ lol

 

I realize that we have to be very practical at this stage wherein we still depend on money to survive – and within this realizing that having enough to live in a dignified manner is sufficient as I am proving myself now. However in my current situation, I see and realize that I am also denying certain things based on me wanting to ‘clear up my act’ from the past wherein I actually feared becoming so used to luxury that I would become greedy just to be able to sustain my ‘lifestyle,’ which means that whenever I am restricting myself of something such as buying something for myself or a different meal, I am actually acting out of guilt and remorse, which is not necessary – thus

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refrain from buying something for myself and some ‘practical enjoyment’ like some meal, based on this idea of me not wanting to get used to ‘luxuries’ which is almost like wanting to get used to ‘living with the least’ just in case I have to live that way the rest of my life, which is then living within a future expectation of not having enough money to live and denying my current possibility to do so in a moderate manner of course, and within this stopping the guilt and ‘clearing up act’ toward my past and my own fears of desiring to become an elitist person at all cost, which is why I was pretty much enfilading myself toward that realm of society in my early life years. Until the dream was torn apart – lol.

 

When and as I see myself refraining from giving something to myself/ buying something practical for me within the belief that I cannot ‘get used to luxuries’ I stop and I breathe, I realize that I tend to go to the extremes of first wanting to have luxuries then denying and even criticizing them, which is not the point here I mean, If and when I have the ability to give myself a treat, I allow myself to do that instead of now playing the victim of my own mind as in having been ‘greedy’ in the past and now trying to redeem myself from playing this ‘poverty bow’ that is not necessary as that would also be creating a positive experience within me out of ‘refraining’ from buying me something and becoming a ‘good being’ in my mind – thus I stop all self manipulation and direct myself to consider the practicality of spending money on this/that point for myself and as such make a decision based on the practicality of the expense and my ability to give myself something for a change and that’s it. Not making it ‘more’ than myself or fearing that I will later on want ‘more’ of it, lol, which would indicate only mind control about it.

 

I commit myself to begin valuing myself as life in every moment and accordingly stop defining ‘who I am’ based on the past or the future, and instead become used to considering the current present moment as what I am willing to give to myself and others in equality – which implies creating a moderation with regards to my relationship to money and within that, ensure that whatever I decide is always in the consideration of what is best for all in Equality. I realize that in order to live these words a point of measure is required wherein I am considering the practicality and consequential outflow of the decisions upon and with regards to money according to an actual requirement of that which must be bought and be aware of buying out of ‘buying’ which I have stopped significantly though, to a point that can be considered as ‘denying/ suppressing/ refraining’ which is not acceptable either.

 

This will certainly continue –

 

Mind control stops here:

Desteni

Desteni I Process

Desteni Lite Process : Enroll today, Free Online Course to learn the living skills to live in Equality

Equal Money System

 

entertamed

 

Blogs:

 

Must Hear Interviews related to Racism, Skin Color, the Elite and body designs in order to STOP the Inequality based on the physical aspect of our body.
The Series of Interviews The Soul of Money exists as a backbone and necessary material to study in order to understand the dynamics of the monetary system, economics and our individual lifestyles – a must hear to have a practical perspective on the changes necessary within this world in order to create a living condition that is best for all.

200. The Make-Up Reality

 

Becoming a character that is  seemingly ‘Not good enough’ requires accepting who you are as a point of limitation in comparison to others – that is accepting and allowing the enslavement of humanity as a whole not only through looks/ perceived ‘personalities’ we are, but within the context of our current monetary system that functions within the reductionism that we accept and allow as being/ becoming only an image, an amount of money in our wallets, the properties we have or don’t have, the type of ‘lifestyle’ we have, the education – all of it currently existent as an unequal consideration toward the whole that is Here as physical beings, abusing each other through this reductionism at a mind level of what is positive and negative and defining ‘who we are’ toward others based on such configuration. Unacceptable, hence walking the correction here as part of the equalization of all bodies of existence as that which is Real which is HERE as the physical.

 

Continuing with the Elitist Character

Self Forgiveness, Self Corrective Statements and Self Commitments (Part 2) on the Elitist Character from the memory within the 197. Friends of Convenience post.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow myself to feel ‘less than’ people that I could see had ‘lots of money’ wherein I immediately would go into a submission and keeping quiet mode, due to being impressed by the presentation of the beings and the house and properties, which made me believe that because they had ‘all the money they wanted’ it made them superior and better than me, which became a point of reference for me to realize that I ‘didn’t have it all’ while growing up when comparing my life to another’s life based on the amount of money that they had.

 

When and as I see myself going into an inferiority mode based on the social status and position of people in my reality and believing that I am ‘less than them’ because of not being as ‘powerful’ as them in terms of money, I stop and I breathe – I realize this allowing the definition of who I am as money/ properties to define my beingness in that moment which is unacceptable, since who we are is our physical body as the equality that we exist as, thus it makes no sense creating an experience based on comparing the ‘who I am’ as my current monetary position toward other beings. I direct myself to remain stable here as breath and not be ‘impressed’ by the pictures, words, things that I see around me and identifying them as ‘more’ than who I am.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that in order to behave the same way that the girl behaved – which I perceived as confident and overtly expressive/ extroverted, I would require the same amount of money in order to feel ‘that happy’ wherein her expression became a point that I realized I could never ‘live’ as myself because of her life having all these luxuries and ‘having it easy’ whereas I perceived myself to be in a dire situation with my family – hence ‘finding my place’ within the opposite of what I perceived her to be and represent, even if I had experienced myself in a similar mode when I was younger back then – which would be 3-5 years old, wherein the consideration of money was not yet within my concept of reality. Thus I see and realize that the comparison began at the age of 6-7 when I became aware of a significant difference in the way we live when it comes to people having lots of money, people not having as much money and people having no money at all, which was also a point that became part of my awareness at the same age.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I could never express myself with such confidence and openness because of not having as much money to ‘be happy about’ which is how I linked a confidence and ‘well being’ expression to having money – within this limiting my own expression to believe that I was doomed to never get to be ‘that happy’ as in ‘having it all’ in my life and as such, if I ever presented myself as ‘happy’ it would be phony, without realizing that no energetic experience as either happy or gloomy represent who I really am and that all of these considerations were based upon the role that I have accepted and allowed money to have within me, wherein I feel ‘content’ if I have everything I require and go into worry and concern if money is being a problem as in ‘not having money.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as being ‘intimidated’ around people that I considered were ‘richer’ and ‘more’ than me due to having lots of money, instead of realizing that within that moment I was allowing myself to believe that ‘I am my money, I am my properties, I am my looks only’ – and in this, compare myself to others as a way to justify and validate my inner experience of ‘intimidation’ and a belief of never in my life being able to ‘equalize’ myself to them because of how I look, the money that I had and the entire context I lived within in comparison to those that were fortunate and having the ‘perfect looks’ according to how I judged other beings in such positions to be like.

 

When and as I see myself defining my ‘beingness’ according to the amount of money that I have and believing that I cannot be ‘here’ and stable when not having money – I stop and I breathe – I realize  that the polarity of being happy and concerned when having and not having money respectively is based on the perception of other people’s mood and beingness in relation to money that I accepted as ‘how things are/ how I should behave as well,’ which is unacceptable when considering how we have defined this entire world according to a positive and a negative represented mostly by a have/ have not situation of money.

 

I commit myself to stop defining ‘who I am’ according to the money that I have or that I don’t have, and instead dedicate myself to be part of the solution to this current monetary system to ensure that all that remains as monetary system can be a equality system where all life can be considered as equal and where no more worry, concern and distress exist due to lacking money to live – and the opposite no overtly positive attitudes exist as all the happiness, bliss and joy that is created directly from the ‘confidence’ that money brings when having enough or more than enough of it to live. This is within the realization that within Equality as Life there are no positives or negatives – hence the equalization of Money as Life within the Equal Money System, implies removing any lack and removing any excess in order to ensure that everyone has equal access and as such learn how to live moderated and regulated living conditions that support all and harm no one.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to consider that standing up with a very straight back means superiority and a confidence that can only exist if you have ‘something to be confident about’ which I linked to money, properties, looks and ability to express/ interact with others, wherein this girl became my first impression of what it was to have a ‘perfect life’ and linking all of this to a physical stance of ‘standing with a perfectly straight back’ –

 

I realize I imprinted within me with that particular moment of being at this girl’s house and watching her/ admiring her expression and physical gestures and mannerisms which I linked to the confidence that money brings, the ‘good education’ from parents that were part of elites from generations back, and within this all compare myself to her and believe that ‘I did not have the right to stand up straight’ because of not being as ‘graced’ with looks, not having the money to back up my belief of confidence linked to money/ properties, nor did I consider that I could be as expressive as her within such refined manners – all of this becoming something I would essentially evolve and develop into my own ‘antagonist character’ that I created myself in opposition to, in order to justify my perceived inability to be as expressive, to stand as straight, to walk and interact with such openness – and instead went into the opposite as in being mostly hunching my back, hiding myself in social situations, not wanting to interact a lot and most of all, judging every person that I would see standing, moving and expressing in similar ways within the same category of them being ‘conceited, spoiled, rich girls’ that I simply could not compare myself to due to all of the reasons around looks and money, and in this, believing that ‘my place’ in the world was simply to never be as perfect and always stand as a rather ‘opposition’ to these girls and find my ‘happiness point’ within that.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge a beings’ expression as conceited, arrogant, proud, spoiled and overtly expressive as an indication of having lots of money to be ‘happy’ about, without realizing how it is all part of the design wherein people with money would mostly feel ‘okay’ within their bodies and expression so that their inner conflict related to ‘body’ and ‘who they are’ would not tamper their focus on their world-system functions linked to money – therefore, I see and realize that the moment that I accept such expression as ‘more’ than myself, I am accepting the power of money equally as ‘more than myself’ instead of realizing that how we present ourselves and how we look and the money we have is only linked to who we are within this consciousness reality that is currently moved and directed by money, which is a point of inequality and representing the abuse of life at the moment – thus I cannot allow myself to be ‘impressed’ or ‘affected’ by a picture presentation, mannerism and general expression of elite beings that have been designed to present such expression and such experiences of confidence and ‘superiority’ that are inherently linked to a particular position in the world system.

 

I realize that the way to stop giving a point of ‘power’ to money in this unequal manner, is to stop defining people according to how they look, express and ‘are’ in relation to the amount of money they have and as such, focus on the physicality that we are all existent as, wherein there is no ‘more’ than physical bodies that function the exact same way in every one and that we certainly have to equalize in this world within a world system that stops complying to a seemingly ‘superior position’ that can only exist as the ‘power’ we have all agreed to endow money with, which is currently an abusive relationship toward life.

 

When and as I see myself linking standing with a straight back with an Experience of Superiority as a confidence that can only be obtained through having lots of money hence being spoiled and conceited/ having something to be ‘proud of’ – I stop and I breathe –  I realize that standing up straight is a physical position that is supportive for my back and that in no way requires any ‘concept’ behind to allow myself to stand with a straight pose.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link a ‘straight pose’ to being a ‘poser’ and ‘phony’ because of how I believed that only people with money/ power/ fame/ fortune could ‘afford’ to stand in such a manner, which is how every time that I was suggested to walk with a straight back, I would not do it because of believing that I had ‘nothing to feel superior/ proud of’ which is how I existed as the belittlement of myself, and getting to the point of tears every time that people would say that I had to stand up straight and believing that I just could not do it because I was not ‘perfect’ – hence

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk with a straight back as a synonym of ‘physical perfection’ that I separated myself from based on the idea of only ‘catch penny girls = rich, spoiled, good looking, confident girls’ being able to stand within such a position and expression, which is how I limited and separated myself from the ability to stand up straight without having an experience of being ‘off place’ and ‘phony’ and ‘wannabe’ essentially – thus

 

When and as I see myself creating an experience of me when standing up straight as being a poser, a wannabe or plain phony, I stop and I breathe -  I direct myself to support my physical body focusing on my standing position and realizing that a physical posture cannot define ‘who I am’ within as my inner experience, but only represents a point of physical support for my body.

 

I commit myself to stop believing that there are certain physical poses and ways of ‘carrying oneself’ that are only able to be ‘lived out/ expressed’ by people that have particular body features or a certain configuration of ‘who they are’ linked to power/ money/ fame, and instead allow myself to equalize my physical expression to that which I see is best to ‘exist as’ within the physical consideration of myself as a physical being –that’s it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to immediately categorize beings according to ‘how they move/ express and talk’ as a way to define the amount of money they have, wherein I would immediately assess whether I would want to create/ establish relationships with them in order to ‘better’ myself through them as in getting along with ‘rich people’ who I considered as ‘less troubled people,’ and avoiding having relationships/ friendships with people that had less money as I considered them as being insecure and quiet and ostracized which I  felt mostly ‘sorry’ for and within this experience, rather deciding to get along with people I did not have to ‘feel bad about’ and as such, focus on having what I defined as ‘positive people’ because they had a fair economic situation at home.

 

When and as I see myself defining ‘who a being is’ based on how they move/ express themselves and categorizing them as either positive or negative and according to that ‘making up my mind’ in relation to ‘who I will be’ toward them, which is how we perpetuate the inequality between all human beings when seeing the person as the ‘character’ that they have become as the configuration that exists as a predisposition to the being according to the mind, the social and economical context which is the make-up as consciousness that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to define ourselves as, which is Not life in equality – but a system to deliberately create separation, disparity and further friction and conflict when comparing one to another.

 

I commit myself to stop the inequality between all beings according to how I define them based on looks, ways of expressing, vocabulary, education as I realize that all of this is valuing knowledge and information as ‘who we are’ which is unacceptable – All beings are equal as the physicality that we all represent and being guided by a point of expression, a physical appearance or any other attribute that we obtain from another through our senses must be immediately assessed as part of the ‘make-up’ within this reality that was meant to brew separation – thus it is not who we really are as physical beings that function the exact same way at a physical level.

 

The inequality between all bodies of existence begins and ends within me.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create my own elitism at an early age during primary school wherein I began avoiding being around/ being friends with people that I considered as quiet and reserved and mostly ‘insecure’ as a way to identify that they were probably having a ‘tough situation at home’ which would imply that me in such relationships as friendships would have to go through all the ‘bad stuff’ of ‘dealing’ with them, thus I sought to instead be with people that could allow me to experience myself as a point of happiness, joy and even more ‘comfort’ than at home due to what they had, which is becoming prone to seek for relationships that could ensure I could have a ‘good life’ in one way or another, even if at home it wasn’t necessarily so at the time.

 

When and as I see myself defining people as either positive or negative based on the amount of money that they have and wanting to avoid ‘negative people’ at  all cost – lol – I stop and I breathe – I realize that this would be me giving power to money as an acceptable attribute/ lack to define a being’s ‘beingness’ which is Not who they Really are as physical beings that exist in an equal manner as everyone else in this reality. Thus I direct myself to treat all beings equally regardless of how they look, how they express themselves, their choice of words, their appearance, their properties or general ‘beingness’ as I realize that this is the configuration of the being we se through the Eyes of the Mind and as such, meant to brew separation.

 

I direct myself to equalize my expression to also ensure my own words, stance and expression do not veer toward a compensation toward what I see they ‘lack’ or a compensation toward that which I see they are ‘doing a lot of’ – ex. such as talking ‘more’ with a being that is not as talkative and talk less when being with a being that ‘talks a lot’ and instead, equalize myself to at all times simply consider my expression in the moment when necessary, and not as a ‘counter act’ to the people I am relating myself to.  I see and realize how within the moment that I allow a single point of expression in another to determine and define ‘who I am’ toward other beings’ is allowing me to become a ‘counter balancing act’ toward another character and in that, allowing them to be reduced to a single character. Therefore I direct myself to be the example of what it is to live and exist as an equalized expression that considers a physical communication in equality, in the moment wherein no pictures, no backgrounds, no possessions, no colors exist as a mask to talk through/ express through.

 

I commit myself to stop reducing people to ‘who they are’ as knowledge and information translated to social positions, picture presentation, properties, lacks and what I perceive as positive or negative which can only exist as the ‘masks’ that we’ve worn in order to create an unequal reality based on Money.

 

(To be continued)

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The Series of Interviews The Soul of Money exists as a backbone and necessary material to study in order to understand the dynamics of the monetary system, economics and our individual lifestyles  – a must hear to have a practical perspective on the changes necessary within this world in order to create a living condition that is best for all.

 


197. Friends of Convenience

How many times have you been in the position of not ‘bearing’ a person but remaining with them for their material possessions, their house and general lifestyle they could provide you with in an indirect manner? Are friendships also based on the amount of benefits one get from one another? Is this happiness?

 

Continuation to the Elitist Character 

“I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how, with what we accept and allow within ourselves – we will accept and allow in the without of ourselves. Accepting and allowing poverty, famine, starvation to exist as the Physical Sorrow of/as this physical existence, to accept and allow Elitism to exist as the Physical Joy – with the Physical Sorrow, being caused/manifested by/through no Money, and the Physical Joy, being created by/through an abundance of Money. In reality – creating the negative/bad/low and also the positive/good/high, where we have not seen, realised and understood that we have created/manifested the Evil of/as this World System as a direct-mirror of/as the Evil of the Mind/Consciousness – where, as the Mind, as with the World System, we would continue accepting and allowing the polarities of positive and negative, so that we can continue using these polarities at the benefit of producing more energy within, and more money without, all of it at the sacrifice of the Physical Body, and so this Physical Existence, and actual humans, animal, earth lives.”

 

The memory that comes to mind is going to a very nice house of my parents’ group of friends and I was absolutely baffled at the luxury that these people lived in – I was probably 6 years old and I remember having a very bad experience with the girl of the house that was around 2 years older than me and that I was supposed to be playing with, because I perceived her as absolutely controlling, bossy and overtly conceited to the point wherein I simply kept quiet, interacted only bits while feeling generally uncomfortable and mostly keeping myself quiet, which is a general point I tend to act out when being ‘Intimidated’ by someone, which in this case and as a regular pattern throughout my life from there on, was linked toward people that I knew had money/ were rich/ had some sort of ‘power’ according to society.

So, in that moment I didn’t like being there and would be judging her as a spoiled kid with all these toys and ‘expensive stuff’ that I obviously did not have, which lead me to feel ‘less than’ her, yet at the same time creating this desire to one day have the ability to have such a house, such toys/ luxury and essentially what I believed then was like ‘dream like’ living-condition. Besides the point of desiring what the girl and this family had, I realized somehow that being related to these people was something I could benefit from, and that relationships with these particular group of friends would eventually lead me to get to a similar lifestyle in my reality, or at least enjoy it while going to their houses. Thus, even if I disliked and would most likely keep secret judgments about the girls and the family in general at ‘face value’ based on my general discomfort of being with her and in such ‘tight’ events,  I played along in order to be able to go and play with her stuff and enjoy her house, which actually didn’t happen in the end with this particular girl – but, the point is seeing how convenience ruled and hypocrisy became something that I begun playing out even as a child, learning how to smile even though I was uncomfortable just because of being in a social situation that I knew I could have some benefit from and that I only required to present myself as the ‘good girl’ at all times, while in fact not really enjoying the presence of particular beings BUT liking the environment/ the comfort/ the lifestyle that I could experience for a while there.

- Within this post, I’ll begin with writing Self Forgiveness upon linking the having lots of money/ wealth/ power/ success to a positive experience, fulfillment and a general happiness as ‘my purpose in life’ that I believed I had to pursue in order to be able to experience such ‘well being’ for myself again in my future.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to link the picture/ image and concept of luxury as having lots of money to happiness, joy, bliss, comfort and a general well being that I began to desire from that moment as a child and on, wherein I would then constantly be assessing my own house, my own toys, my own ‘lifestyle’ and family in comparison to what I had seen with people with more money and identifying them as a ‘better class’ as an elite that I believed were ‘more’ than ourselves, more educated, more ‘refined’ wherein I attached a positive value toward everything that could be bought with ‘lots of money’ such as big houses, big luxury cars, lots of toys, nice clothes, expensive schools and general way of being that I linked to a characteristic and quality which is having refined physical mannerisms, all of this which I installed as a ‘future desire within my life’ to fulfill.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to imprint the ‘picture perfect family’ as this still thought as the image of the house in the background and the family standing outside in the garden, altogether waving goodbye and being seemingly happy wherein particularly their ‘well being’ as the smile on their faces became a desire for me to also mimic and experience, which is why their attitudes and mannerisms became a basic ‘imprint’ within me from just that one day in order to play it out/copy it in future events to denote a form of ‘elegance’ and ‘class’ and ‘etiquette’ that I had acquired only from that day that I visited this family in their house.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to accept the answer from my father without a question in terms of why these people were ‘so rich’? and how it was due to a family business lineage that they belonged to, wherein I then immediately saw it as something that was ‘meant to be’ and that was ‘acceptable’ within this world, wherein only a few families/ businesses/ lineage/ bloodlines are allowed to have all the luxury in the world/ all the money, while the rest of society has no access to such equal amount of benefits at all. Within this I realize that as a child I created this concept of wealth as a positive thing that one would want to ‘aspire to obtain,’ because of listening to y father saying that ‘they would do GOOD in their business’ which I linked then wealth to success to happiness, joy and bliss as the ideal lifestyle that I desired to have for many, many years just based on that one single day that I went to such house and got a vivid ‘idea’ of what being rich is all about.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider that people with lots of money were in fact ‘better human beings’ as in ‘more civilized’ wherein I then desired to have such a status and position to Not be someone from the rest of the populace which I then begun comparing as ‘less than’ with adjectives related to rude, uneducated, unrefined as an inherent quality to people that don’t have ‘lots of money’ and therefore, their education was not as ‘good’ as the elitist’s one, which I began to take as a frame of reference to see who I would want to be friends with according to their picture presentation, their vocabulary, their parents, their house and everything that could denote that me being friends with them, would mean having luxury and benefits that I would not get at home/ not have them as readily available as these other beings would. Thus beginning to divide my perspective toward people based on money/ social position instead of actually seeing the being as one and equal to myself and direct myself to treat them all equally.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create the belief that I had to be and become a ‘successful person’ and ‘do good with money’ as in linking this good/ positive experience to luxury, to having a big house with a big garden and animals and a ‘doll’s house’  and lots of toys that I could store in huge cabinets, and houses that seemed like a maze which I have linked to ‘perfect houses’ as in being able to provide a comfortable experience which was all based on money and within this, wanting to be someday a ‘successful person’ so that I could have all of this luxury that I became quite infatuated with for some time while growing up – within this

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to pray to ‘god’ every day that we could win a huge house in a particular ruffle because that house represented ‘my dream come true’ as witnessed within this particular situation of the elitist house and how I would literally say that I would not ask for anything else any longer But that single house that would make me happy – and in this, equating happiness and fulfillment to ‘having a big house’ that was  part of a ruffle, and when we did not get it, I simply began questioning the might of my ‘prayer’ because ‘god’ had not listened to me/ given us the house of my dreams.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to link happiness, well being and confidence to ‘having lots of money’ wherein I believed that my condition as my inner-beingness and experience was determined and defined by the amount of money we had, which is how I had created this immediate ‘pick-up’ experience in my family wherein whenever my father was ‘happy’ for having a ‘good day at work,’ I would be equally happy and joyful as he was – and when he was in a ‘bad mood’ according to having had a bad day at work or a continued phase of bad business days, I became more quiet and distant and worried all the time, just because of realizing that we were in a dire economical situation, wherein I simply accepted the fact that Money determined ‘who I am’ in my every day living condition.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create my ‘ideal life in the future’ having ‘lots of money’ as a default ingredient, based on what I had witnessed was possible for human beings to have and live by in ‘my reality,’ which then created this constant inner conflict of me becoming rather unsatisfied with my house, with the toys that I had, with our cars, our general social-condition because of desiring the life of others that had ‘much better stuff than we did,’ and within this linking the middle-class situation to not being ‘good enough’ and as such, allowing myself to pursue relationships and social links that would allow me to get to experience such luxury for some time, even if it was for the while I could go and visit and enjoy their homes and ‘toys.’

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create this general judgment of rich people being mostly spoiled and within this being mostly ‘conceited’ wherein I then would not entirely enjoy such personalities, but would manage to ‘cope with it’ because of me wanting to remain as ‘friends’ so that I could benefit from going to the places and residences they lived in, playing with their extensive variety of toys and generally all the ‘goods’ they would have heaps of due to the amount of money their parents had, which I didn’t have at home – thus, becoming prone to constantly be seeing my family and house and my ‘belongings’ as less than because they weren’t as good as the stuff and properties that other beings had.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to begin linking ‘friendship’ to convenience this way, wherein I knew that if I was to be friends with someone, I would rather pick someone that I could get some benefit from at the level of money/ experiences bought with money, wherein even if their house wasn’t that great BUT they would have lots of toys or lots of variety of candy/ foods that I would not get at home, would be equally equated to ‘positive points’ that I would consider in order to remain being friends with them.

 

I forgive myself that I never questioned how it is that I would most of the times not want to go and ‘hang out’ with the kids themselves, but would mostly talk myself in my mind to go there to be able to enjoy their house, toys and house environment which to me then seemed like a better reason to go than actually being fully willing to spend my time with the beings themselves.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to from there on, measure the convenience that I had in relation to friendships/ relationships in general at school and friends of friends and people that I would meet according to the house they lived in, their social habits, the foods they ate/ were able to afford, the general ‘status’ they had within society according to the money they have as all of that would mean that I was able to be benefitted from in one way or another.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to remain within this belief of rich people being happy/ better human beings and never questioning such condition as opposed to the rest of the world and even ourselves when not having sufficient money and within this, creating a general acceptance of wealth as a ‘good life’ that I simply had to ‘work hard for’ in my future, and that in the meantime, I could obtain a bit of it through friendships, wherein the more benefits I would get from such friendships, the more ‘comfortable’ it was for me to spend my days with them, even if at times the relationship with the people themselves was not ‘great’ – but would always convince myself of simply ‘bearing with them’ as long as I could have my own benefit of experiencing myself in their houses/ with their toys/ eating their food and going out to the places they went to and so forth.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to grow up within this belief that everything that I had to look for/ aim at was to have lots of money and social relationships that could ‘back up’ such lifestyle  – being ‘equally wealthy’ –  wherein I linked this belief to a purpose in life, an absolute fulfillment wherein I knew that my entire schooling/ career years would have to aim at this ultimate power and success, being equated to ‘doing good’ according to what I learned at home. Within this, never questioning why I would only be wanting to pursue such happiness for myself only and never even looking at other people’s lives and their ability to do the same, simply because I became used to thinking that each one had to ‘climb their way’ within society through ‘hard work’ and foolishly believing that only those that were wanting to have this similar social status, would have to ‘work hard’ or come from a wealthy family  – automatic riches – to then be part of the elite within society – never questioning if it was in fact that All people could equally get to have such amount of money even with  also ‘working hard,’ never questioning at that stage why then poor people were poor but only accepted it as part of my reality just like anything else that I would see was flawed – never fully questioned it, just kept walking my way to get to have my ‘happy wealthy life’ one way or another.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself for having created a resistance to walk this point based on how I would be ‘seen’ as self-interested person that is elitist, without realizing that as long as we keep hiding the actual ‘mechanics’ that we’ve existed as throughout our lives, we’ll remain neglecting our responsibility to this world as is, and would keep having a ‘safe spot’ within our egos to not ‘touch upon’ without realizing that it is in fact through walking the seemingly ‘unimportant’ that is the most relevant when it comes to basic mechanisms in which we have conditioned ourselves to Think reality, instead of Living Reality.

 

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to deny the fact that I had Also at some point of my life also vehemently desired to be rich and wealthy as a synonym of ‘happy life,’ wherein I had almost tried to bury and hide such phase of my life due to the judgment I held toward the ‘me’ that I was while growing up until my early teens, wherein I was pretty much worried and concerned about society, upper classes, wealth and a general desire to be part of such realm due to the close-encounters with it, and believing that ‘life was much better when having it all,’ which remained as a constant conflict whenever I realized that I wasn’t wealthy and that getting such amount of wealth was mostly impossible for my family – thus acquiring a constant experience in a non-conscious level of not being living to my ‘upmost potential’ because of money always existing as something that is ‘there’ however in a limited manner, and not as ‘limitless’ as I would have wanted it to be.

 

I commit myself to continue opening up the elitist construct  as I see and realize that even the current lifestyle that I have ‘chosen’ to have is almost like a way to want to redeem myself from the money-desires that I had in my past in one way or another. And also realizing how within the Equal Money System there will be no need to desire ‘the neighbor’s house’ and money, as all will be granted with equal access to an optimum living condition for a lifetime.

 

Self Corrective Statements in the following post along with continuing dissecting the basic imprints on the Evil that this Elitist construct represents within me, as the separation that Money exists as within our world and society representing the ultimate segregation from the value of Life in Equality to a set of imposed values of more than/ less than existing at the benefit of only a Few in this world, which defined my interactions and general considerations toward other human beings in an almost unnoticeable automatic manner.

 

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196. The Elitist Evil behind Relationships

 

“I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand the commonsense, practical, physical question regarding: the things coming up in the Mind, “seemingly coming from nowhere”, that I never questioned “where the things that come up in my Mind, seemingly from nowhere go when/as I resist/deny/suppress/ignore it?” – Sunette Spies*

 

 

Continuation to

 

So far I’ve walked the point of believing that I had the ‘right’ to assess reality outside of myself and Think/ Believe and/ Perceive that ‘I had nothing to do with that’ and that whatever would come up in my mind was strictly pointing out what existed in others wherein any form of reaction that ensued from this, was taken as ‘ my right’ to react to whatever I thought/ assessed about another.

See the point? I created my own judgments/ perspectives upon something/ someone in one moment, within my mind only, and according to my own assessment based on judgments, ideas, beliefs, perceptions, preferences at the level of backchat, I defined who I would be in such a moment toward the person and event. Now, where is the physical reality participation in this? Nowhere, I would mostly do this is one single moment of observing, ‘assessing people’ and according to this ‘evaluation’ determine already who I would be toward the person/ environment based on how much I could benefit from the relationship/ situation – mostly obviously, focusing on the economic status of the person and future relationships, which is mostly how I am realizing I was programmed to always be aware of and ensure that I would create relationships based on money, in which I accepted and allowed myself to become a silent elitist in my mind.

 

 

Why is this relevant to my process? I have shoved aside many times my own elitism implanted at an early age wherein I was taught to be aware of the amount of money people had within my ‘friends at school’ and within this, always being asked questions by my mother about the social status of my friends, their parents their jobs and this eventually making me angry because at my eyes, I knew that the point was me only seeking to be with people in the same ‘social status’ which eventually lead me to rebel against that at a later stage which is another story much later in my teenage years – however, as a child because of being under the ‘control’ of my parents, I would frequent and get along with kids that were part of an upper class that I was quite oblivious to before the age of 6, thus generating this inherent desire to one day have their life, their money and as such, believing that keeping these relationships would lead me to a similar economic outcome as them/ their families which is an upper middle class close to rich people.

 

 

 

Now, the most prominent point would always be remaining quiet in these situations and events. about the reactions as a defense mechanism, while keeping a ‘welcoming face/ gesture’ on my face when being in an environment that I was busy quickly assessing and deciding who I would be in such situations – the event here is not yet relevant, what is relevant is walking that condition of, after having gone through the righteousness of believing that ‘I am right/ I have the right to assess others’ then simply remain quiet and allow my own thoughts to determine who I am toward others/ in a particular moment/ even in my reality based on the benefit I could get ‘in the future’ from being liked/ accepted by a particular type of people. Why is this? Protection mechanism based on the fear of not being liked/ accepted/ welcomed, fear of  rejection and as such, limiting my ability to benefit from such relationships.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be thinking and valuing others and a moment in reality according to the amount of benefit I would get from such relationships, wherein I essentially allowed my self interest of experiencing a life of joy, comfort and luxury instead of common sense of an actual empathy toward the beings I was being acquainted with.  Within this, assessing my own participation in reality according to the amount of positive experiences I would get from it, which implied me having to ‘keep quiet’ all the judgments and assessments made toward others in order to remain accepted and liked by people that I thought and realized I could ‘benefit from’ within creating a friendship/ acquaintance that would lead me to a similar living-outcome based on the material possessions/ money they represented, which became a desire within me as well.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to determine reality according to my own subjective values of ‘what is in it for me?’ wherein the participation within any event/ activity/ relationships, was always made from the starting point of building a reputation of being a ‘good valuable person’ which would ensure that I created the necessary façade to not have any problems in my reality/ get the most benefits in reality, as I Knew that as long as one present an actively warming attitude and gentleness, people immediately create a point of trust and comfort which is assuring an imprint within another person’s mind of oneself being a ‘good person’ in order to then be able to get something out of the person in exchange to such amicable link in a future moment/ situation wherein such relationship would come in ‘handy’ for my own benefit.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use people, events and situations to my own benefit to build my own ‘persona’ as the reputation that I was aiming at in order to be liked/ accepted/ praised/ recognized by many people and within this appraisal obtained through me creating a positive input within their lives, assure my own ‘triumph’ within everything that I would commit myself to be and become in my reality, as I understood the importance of social relationships in order to escalate in the social-stratus, wherein me having ‘high hopes / aims’ within this world, I knew that I would have to present ‘the good side’ of myself, which was specifically prefabricated in order to create social relationships so that I could benefit from it, accumulating ‘positive relationships’ stemming from the actual fear of being relegated, ostracized, disowned, discriminated and essentially treating me as ‘less than’ everything that I wanted to be and become, which is linked to obviously ending up with no money/ no comfort/ no ‘happiness’ in my world – within this using relationships in my reality in order to only benefit myself, never considering how such relationships could be transformed to a point that could benefit all, because such principle was not even considered within myself in the past.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become a cunning observer of reality and acting according to the expected ways within the social-terms of how I would ensure that I always would have people on my side/ people that would like me and accept me within the realization that within this world system, the more you create relationships based on an empathy at a character-level of being a ‘good person,’ one ensures a point of support,  which is how I would abide to these rules in order to ensure that I would do things for others expecting something in return ‘in the future,’ and within this, seeing my participation within relationships with others as a plain act of hypocrisy in order to generate a good reputation for myself for and if I ever required to get something from a person or a situation, ensuring that I would most likely ‘get what I wanted’ based on me having first created a positive-link toward people, ensuring that they would ‘remember’ who I am and as such, support me/ help me out with any point that I would require from them in order to succeed/ achieve my goals or be gotten ‘out of trouble’ which reveals how every decision I made with regards to relationships in my reality were measured according to the amount of benefit I could obtain from them for either any potential ‘upgrading’ in my lifestyle or ‘getting me out of trouble.’

 

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to asses people and define ‘who they are’ according to the amount of money/ education they have and accordingly having decided to either evolve/ develop the relationship Or not participate at all, wherein the not participation would imply already that I would not get ‘anything’ out of such relationships that would support my aim of being and becoming someone ‘better’ in terms of escalating a social-stratus, ‘hanging out’ with more educated people which reveal to what extent I allowed myself to support the polarization of this world within the very ‘weighing process’ of my relationships since I was a young girl.

 

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become used to seeing money as a relevant factor that would determine who I could hang out with/ who I would rather refrain from relating with, base on this inherent belief that I had to stick to people that I could benefit from at an economical and social-relationship level, which became the elitist mind within me that was an aspect of being the ‘good person’ as a building block of a reputation that I was busy scheming throughout my life in order to be and become someone of ‘power’ in my reality, aided from all of these relationships that I thought I could benefit from.

 

When and as I see myself assessing a relationship with a particular person based on the amount of money and benefit that I can obtain from such relationship, I stop and I breathe – I realize that this has significantly being walked as part of my process, however the point of creating relationships based on the benefit I can get from others at a later stage is still here wherein the only acceptable way of creating relationships in our social-reality at this stage, is to ensure that the outcome of such benefit can be directed and linked specifically to a best for all outcome, this is the Only acceptable way to continue creating relationships/ acquaintances within our reality

 

I commit myself to walk a process of self forgiveness and self corrective statements and application to ensure that there is not a single bit of self interest implied within the relationships that I create as getting something out of it for my own personal benefit – I instead ensure that I become aware of the relationships that I create, verifying that each one of them stands in alignment with the principle that I am living my life as, which is that of creating, establishing and being the very building block of a world in Equality, wherein all relationships will stop being only based on personal gratification, self interest, greed and the ‘upgrade’ of social-stratus based on wealth, and instead develop the very basic considerations of equal and one support to one another wherein Money is not a decisive factor within it, but more of a necessary mean at this stage in this world to develop and create a world system that will be based on Life in Equality.

 

I commit myself to stop participating in the same relationship dynamics that have lead to the polarization of reality wherein we have only sought to benefit ourselves/ escalate positions while ignoring the absolute hideous reality that the majority is existing in because of  only a few being busy building further ladders to escalate in the social stratus while neglecting the fact that we are equal and one to that which we neglect, deny  and suppress which is the poverty and the lack in this world based on an economic system that has not supported all beings equally – within this

 

I commit myself to walk this process of relationships in order to direct relationships to stop being the building blocks of this elitist society that is having money as a god, and as such align the understanding of how it is that only within the realization of the Real Value within Life which is LIFE can relationship and ourselves as individuals actually thrive in reality, as the moment that only self interest is continued to be sought in this reality for our own benefit only, the more we continue the separation, greed and absolute neglect toward the rest of the world that is Here as ourselves and requires to be always taken into consideration with ever y single relationship that we form from here on, as equals, dedicating ourselves to stop egotistical desires of ‘fame and fortune’ and instead, stand up to create and manifest a living condition that is dignified for all beings on Earth, as this is in fact what I would want others to give to each other in an equal manner as the actual well being we are perfectly capable of installing in this life.

 

There is a particular memory coming up which I will write about in my next blog. And this will be a series of exploring this which I had certainly not written about in my process before, which are these seemingly ‘unimportant’ experiences in my early childhood with particular groups of people and ‘friends’ that I was close to due to my parents’ relationships, which had a ‘better economic position’ than us and how many times I would swallow my experience toward them, my own anger, judgments and general irritation and envy within such friendships just because of not wanting to miss out the opportunity to go to the places where they lived and play with their games, and hang out in their homes which I perceived were better than my own and obviously, it was all based on the money that they had.

 

 

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Interviews:

Day 10: Money and Politeness

 

As I walked the point of politeness as a positive experience within me and now that I am realizing to what extent everything that we have done/lived by has been linked to Money and the functioning of money in this world, I’ve seen how I’ve lived as a ‘polite person’ without identifying the actual positive ‘kick’ I would get out of it, yet this ‘attribute’ was linked to an inherent desire to be part of the ‘polite people in the world’ which, if reading back in my previous entry – were ‘well educated people’ that were mostly rich/ having more than enough money to live ‘well.’

 

This ties in with my choice of careers as well wherein my inclinations toward the world of ‘arts and culture’ lead me to believe that I had a more ‘refined’ taste than other members in my family who would not be any type of art enthusiasts or well-cultured in the usual ‘intellectual ways’ that I would deem people to be in such ‘social circles.’ So, when I began realizing that only a certain type of people was into art/ music and how they mostly were people with a certain education/ background that lead them to have such ‘refined’ tastes and views on life, I realized that I had to equate that, that I had to become part of such circles in order to achieve my desires/ dreams that I had formulated back then, which were pretty much linked to having enough money to travel around the world and the usual stuff that we dream of as young kids growing up into the ‘adult world.’

 

So these ‘refined manners’ were acquired from interacting with people outside of my family. I recall admiring people that were ‘well cultured’ and would express themselves with such a vocabulary that denoted they had read tons of books throughout their life. I would enjoy going to my aunt’s house for that reason, it was filled with books and we could go to museums and do stuff that I never did with my parents. The same when enjoying talking to their friends and also when being with parents of my friends and partner, they were all ‘well-cultured’ people, even teachers in literature and history and linguistics, which made me want to become part of that circle of people that would have dinners with wine while telling intellectual jokes and having some delicious Italian salad while eating nuts. If you have seen the movie ‘the hours’ I wanted to be like the character played by Meryl Streep, and somehow I would picture myself feeling equally empty even if I had achieved such ‘status’ in my world. But anyways, it was that ‘realm’ wherein I envisioned myself as being fulfilled.

 

What was the way to go there? Becoming equal and one to how I would see these people would behave, talk and experience themselves. So, I enjoyed reading from an early age and linked this to being/ becoming a cultured person, even if I read mostly fiction novels for most of the time.

There was also a time when I was a lot younger around 9 years old when I would attend these luxurious dinners with my parents wherein I got to experience what ‘being in society’ was, and how I was simply acting like a full grown up at that age. I would observe how everyone behaved and even though I knew the whole thing was a façade and really fake, I would play along trying to be charismatic to be equally liked/ accepted the same way that my sisters were. I guess that having a taste of what it means to have a ‘good life’ left a mark on me, even if at the time we were under extreme financial strain, all of those trips and luxury was paid for according to a certain position my father took for a while in a national organization. It was such an awkward experience because we did not have much money then, but we were in these pompous dinners and staying in master suites, literally stealing the room from rockstars staying in the same hotel. I guess that’s the most ‘taste’ I’ve had of what it is to have such luxury and comfort, as well as people praising you all of a sudden by association. Man, it is really something that ‘traps’ you for a while.

 

I guess that if I had not had such experiences, I would have not been aiming for such positions in a not so conscious way – or I didn’t want to fully acknowledge because of not wanting to be deemed as greedy. It’s cool to expose this as there is obviously so much that I held as an imprint on these trips wherein ‘the good life’ was suddenly my reality for a moment. That’s where I got the association of ‘polite’ as in being a ‘politician,’ because that’s how I identified the way that people at such conventions would act like/ interact with each other: in a polite, refined and ‘safe’ manner which is not being too ‘open’ yet not ‘too quiet’ as if there was a problem with you. I learned how having a constant smile made you being liked – I could not fathom why people would always say the same things to you ‘oh how pretty are you!’ It was a bit traumatic having to go through such disparity at such a young age, really. When coming back home after such events and trips – which were only two or three only during two years – it was like getting off of some really nice dream where you could ‘have it all’ and forget about all the actual financial troubles that my father was going through at the time, which I have shared and how it would also preoccupy me extensively as in fearing losing the house and everything.

 

So, to sum up, politeness was for me a way to establish and place myself on the track to become someone of ‘importance’ and in a certain ‘circle in society’ that I wanted to be part of, which was mostly the ‘intellectual circles’ wherein I could have enough vocabulary and presence to mingle with such people. That’s how both my career choices were linked to such cultural world, even after knowing that making a lot of money out of it would not be as easy – as I had initially thought. I got to admire mostly people that had written books already and that I knew I could ‘learn from’ in my attempt to become equal to them. And this all entailed having a secured-financial ‘freedoom’ while doing ‘what I like,’ which was either writing or creating art. I knew how being polite would lead you to get preferential treatment as well, and I sought that, creating a certain aura of power/ control and importance wherein I made sure people would ‘pay attention to me’ – yes.

 

Later on I went into the controlled opposite, but that’s another story wherein further suppressions were linked mostly in relation to judgments toward money – as I have briefly explained above. What I have walked here were dreams and desires that I had kept and was preparing myself for when I was in my early teens; I even thought of becoming a financial advisor just because of knowing how much money they would make, and all of those decisions were only based on desiring having a preferential position in the system wherein I could have enough money to travel around the world, as that’s what I really wanted to do or my ‘idea’ of what happiness in this world is about.

 

Now I have realized within the 23rd Interview by Anu how such elaborated words are definitely only for the ego of the intellectuals and it’s absolutely true – I mean, I created myself as that for the sake of belonging and making myself a space in such circles that I later on absolutely abhorred and almost completely ostracized myself from – going from admiring rich people and the power they had to opposing them and even blaming ‘them’ for the current status of the world, that’s been my life with money which I had not exposed to such extent from this money-perspective before. However I see how it is definitely the ‘missed factor’ that I probably withheld from sharing because of not wanting to be seen as greedy or superfluous/ self-interest driven person while acknowledging that we all are, and we all sought our ways into the system in one way or another. Everyone would enjoy having such financial comfort and power – even myself that later on tried to deny it can only recognize that I did, and ‘my dreams’ were based upon getting to a certain ‘state’ wherein I could write or do some works while having all time left to explore the world.

 

Well, it’s easy to dream and part of this entire process is to take all the points here back to Earth wherein I land myself on the ground to then see how a single seemingly ‘normal’ expression like being polite is in fact having all of this – and probably a lot more – behind it as a conditional input for me to express such ‘politeness’ as ‘who I am,’ which is linked to how I had defined myself according to the ‘social stratus’ that I wanted to be a part of within this world system.

 

I still have a lot of ‘points’ to sort out in relation to and toward money and my career and who I want to be and what must be one, mostly because of – as I mentioned before – going to the opposite polarity of judging rich people, judging the ‘power’ that some beings had to manipulate others because of money, judging the attitudes rich people would present while neglecting the fact that I had sought to be ‘just that’ as well. All of this while deliberately shoving off the reality that I knew and was well aware was going on in this world.

During this time, I managed to make of poverty and misery something that was just a constant part of my ‘landscape’ yet continuing to seek my personal fulfillment. I could have long talks with my then contemporaries that were sociologists and economists, literature people and talk about social policies and the government and whatnot, but we never ever had an actual definitive realization on how We were absolutely responsible for it. That would be yet another part of my ‘socialization’ wherein sitting in cafés talking for long hours would lead us anywhere, yet believing that we were ‘changing the world’ with our bright intellectual ideas and reunions. Lol

 

So – time for self forgiveness and self-corrective application to disengage from this politeness that I have separated myself from according to all of these memories that I’ve held within myself for the purpose of someday, being able to correlate/ cross-reference if I had ‘made it’ within this world system according to the expectations that I placed onto myself.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to make of myself a ‘polite person’ and allowing it to create an inherently positive experience wherein I became part of the ones that are looking forward to become part of a certain elite in this world, which in my case was the ‘intellectual/ well cultured’ people that can certainly only exist in a particular social stratus where money is affluent and where money is not a concern. Therefore, by me acting and playing out being the ‘polite person,’ I was in essence training myself to be part of the ‘polite world’ which I had linked to higher-social stratus of well educated/ well cultured people/ rich people/ intellectuals, because that’s what I wanted to be and ‘where I wanted to belong to.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to then create an inherent desire to be and become someone ‘superior’ within the social standards which is why I fed myself so much with knowledge and information as I had given value/ worth to knowledge and information as my ‘talents’ when realizing that I could make a living out of it and still get to an elevated social stratus wherein I could be financially stable and have more than that in order to have a life of luxury and traveling as the dreams that I had created in my mind while neglecting this reality in its entirety.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear losing all the relationships at an intellectual level with writers, sociologists, historians, linguists, and any other person that I deemed as ‘intellectual/ superior’ when I decided to step aside from that world and going into a more ‘noble’ and ‘meek’ path of not wanting to be part of the ‘high spheres in society,’ which came after a particular event that changed my view/ perspective about money and recognition and made a decision that ‘I didn’t want that for my life.’

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to want to be part of the ‘intellectual people’ as that’s what I gave myself value as, knowledge and information, accumulating data that I could later on speak about and be regarded as ‘important.’

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to play out being the ‘polite person’ among people that I wanted to ‘keep’ as relationships because of already being scheming me being part of such social-circles that I sought to be a part of, mostly because of regarding that I could make a load of money with it while doing something that I regarded as ‘humane’ as possible – which is culture/ words/ arts/ music, etc.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to increment my desire to know and prepare myself within specific careers simply out of the desire to accumulate as much knowledge as possible that I could ‘sell’ as my profession and earn good money out of it. In this I forgive myself that I had denied the fact that my life, my attitude, my politeness had been having money and the desire for money as an obvious drive in the background, while me denying so because in such realms, people seemed to be “humble” about their careers and knowledge – yet having a very affluent type of living, which I also desired to be like/ experience myself as: having money yet not being a ‘show off’ about it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link a proficient vocabulary to being a ‘well cultured person/ well educated/ refined/ well mannered/ polite’ which I have immediately identified as something ‘valuable’ within a person, which is identifying knowledge and information as ‘valuable’ on top of the one and only value that exists which is life and Life cannot ever be knowledge.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself for having ever criticized/ judged people on how they would place value in their possessions without realizing that I was doing the same toward myself as my own mind in the form of knowledge and information and creating a value toward myself according to it, separating myself absolutely from the one and only reality that is here as myself as my physical body, as life, the life that I absolutely neglected in such times simply because being too busy building myself and preparing/ scheming my way to climb ‘the ladder of success.’

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to blind myself with believing that my parents were unconditionally supporting my decision in life, without realizing that they were ‘happy’ about it because I was aiming to be a ‘rich’ person or having more than enough money and that my aspirations and actions were leading to becoming this ‘important person in society,’ which is why they started reacting when I stopped creating/ forming relationships in society and retreated, because this was linked to me losing all contact with such ‘intellectual people’ and losing the opportunity to be ‘a part of them.’ Now I realize that it was linked to money, to securing my ‘place in the world’ that I also deemed to prefer above any other professions or activities in the world. I was ready to praise myself as knowledge and information only, which I now see is the absolute manifestation of self-interest because I never considered ‘life’ in that, at all.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create and build myself within a particular personality wherein I made sure that people would ‘pay attention to me and give me a position of ‘importance’ even at face value, which was linked to my ‘scheming’ of positioning myself within a certain area in society that I could live ‘well’ of and still fulfill my desires to be someone ‘important’ in my world.

 

I commit myself to stand in a position in this world wherein I can truly make use of these attributes in a way that is best for all, because I see and realize that if I had personal interest as a driving force to be ‘preparing’ for such world, I could do the same now with having the starting point the absolute drive to support myself and all beings equally within a position within the world system wherein I no longer ‘fear’ it/ oppose it as some type of rebellion and antagonism stemming from criticism toward money/ power in this world. I realize that being in a position of power in this world cannot possibly exist within me unless I stand as one and equal to all – which means that whatever I have to do within this world system, I realize that I am perfectly able to do so, with having the starting point of doing/ living/ acting and creating myself as someone that can stand within the system to establish a system that is best for all life.

 

I commit myself to use these acquired ‘attributes’ and experiences as a point of reference to see and realize how I am capable of standing in a position that I had deemed as ‘superior’ yet now having a principle to actually stand for, which is life in equality and oneness – and not just following ‘dreams’ of fame, glory and success that I formulated in my mind which I knew would lead me to feel equally empty, because I obviously was not considering the whole in that equation.

 

I realize that the only true-fulfillment that I can create for myself is stemming from the standing and consideration of an overall well-being for humanity, that is my ‘true passion’ and as I got to know from some feedback at the farm ‘I’ve found my purpose in life,’ and the proof of this is that I had not been as consistent toward any particular ‘movement’ or ‘phase’ in my life as I have now within this process, because it is not just ‘another phase’ in my life of seeking my way into the system, it is The Phase and only phase wherein I dare to face myself and take self responsibility for my creation. And I realize that this entails actual work, actual self-commitment that strengthens every day the more I see, I realize and understand the extent to which we have enslaved ourselves to the absolute separation that stops here as myself.

 

Thus, I commit myself to stop any personal interest that stood only in the name of personal glory and success and instead use what is here as myself as a means to establish what is best for all in this world, which I hereby commit myself to walk into its completion as I know that I won’t ever be actually ‘fulfilled’ until this entire world is equalized as myself as who I really am, and for that there is Actual work to do and a long road to walk.

 

 

Suggested support:

An Interview on how when you really have it ALL and you then see yourself in the absolute opposite, your life changes, ‘who you are’ is gone. It is proof of how much we can also disregard within the experience of those in ‘power’ and apparent ‘control’ of their lives – a very cool interview that supported me to open up these points with more ease, to not judge what I have lived and become, but to see it for what it is: unacceptable forms of separation we’ve created in this world:

Life Review – When you Lose your Money – you Lose your Friends

Blogs of the day:


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