456. Taking Responsibility For Our Energy Fixes

(Or how to take the point back to self when becoming aware of gruesome things like in ‘Pizzagate’)

Last week I found myself pondering too much what exactly can drive certain human beings to do very vile things to children, like pedophilia and the rest of it that has emerged from the ‘pizzagate’ movement on social media. I wasn’t so amazed at the information, because I’ve been aware of this for some years now, though it is so that every time I still go into trying to understand why, because I cannot fathom ‘how’ could anyone gather the strength and nerve to do such atrocities to children.

Though here’s the point: I don’t need an answer or details of ‘why’ but I can sum it up to being just another consequential outflow of the relationship to experience that we all form toward anything/anyone in this reality. What does ‘forming a relationship to experience’ mean? It has to do with generating or creating either a positive or negative association to a particular experience that we respond to with an energetic reaction. These energetic reactions are what we call emotions and feelings which we all create and associate with things, situations, habits, doings and the rest of ways in which we relate to everything that is here, which means we create a relationship to it, an energetic experience that in our minds we tend to label as either negative or positive – yet in terms of energy creation, it is the same thing when it comes to acknowledging its consequential creation and outflows in our minds and bodies.

What we are becoming aware of now and the extent of abuse and cruelty we see in daily events in this world are based on a plethora of reasons based on how each person accepts and allows themselves to evolve this relationship to experience in many ways that ultimately are never supportive or constructive, ever. This is how someone can get to embrace cruelty and abuse as a form of excitement, sexual pleasure and other seemingly ‘good’ experiences along with it. Yet what is ignored is who/what has to be abused/used in order for anyone to get such ‘high’ or ‘pleasure’ or ‘good experience’ at the expense of something/someone, and this is an essential form of addiction that we can all be familiar in various forms as well, there is really no one person in this world that could consider themselves ‘free’ from participating in these same mechanisms in which people like pedophiles operate as well, and it is not only about sexual deviations, it has to do with the way we operate in our minds and how whether it is a seemingly ‘positive’ or negative experience, as long as we are creating an energetic experience, it is a consequential process to our very own life and physical body, which is explained in the entire series on Eqafe.com ‘Quantum Mind Self Awareness’ to understand at what level we also sacrifice physical substance and our very own life for the sake of powering experiences as emotions or feelings that we’ve come to accept as ‘normal’ or ‘what defines us as humans’ in this world.

The  bottom line here is that there’s not any point in wanting to know ‘why’ kids, or ‘the reasons’ behind the actions of people involved in these pedophile scandals, because I gain nothing from it, I do not need to know the gruesome details other than becoming aware of and understanding that who we have become in the inside of ourselves as our minds, our ‘programming’ or ‘how we run’ our bodies is in fact that evil aspect of ourselves that we need to change, and that’s all I truly ever need to focus on.

Here then I reflect on how much time, effort, focus, attention, breaths and essentially life we can waste in trying to find the ‘ultimate reasons’ for something that we simply know in common sense Needs to be stopped, needs to be changed, needs to be understood as the form of abuse to life that it is based on satisfying a particular attraction, sexual experience or ‘pleasure’ for some individuals. Do I really need to know the detail of their reasons? No, because ultimately knowing all the details could even lead others to follow through and start testing out the same ‘experience’ for themselves, and the whole supposed ‘objective investigation’ becomes a particular diving into the actual depths of addictions and circles of abuse that I’d say is best to not even know the details of if one is not entirely grounded within oneself and certain that one won’t ‘fall’ into the trap of getting to investigate too much and starting to secretly desire experiencing something like that as well, or testing it out for the sake of seeing ‘what it is all about’, which can be a double intent in the ‘mass exposure’ of all of this; after all, part of the ‘rules’ of this systematic game is that everything has to be shown/exposed to the public, so, this might be one of those ways.

This applies to everything that is generally deemed as bad, evil, wrong, ugly, despicable in reality where the most unstable individuals could dive into it in an attempt to uncover truths or investigate and end up being influenced by the whole of it and so, end up embracing it as a ‘normal’ part of our reality or something that is so ‘common’ that it becomes a ‘part of how things work’ which is essentially what we’ve done within ourselves life after life in the relationship with our minds, the relationship we have crated to experiences as emotions (negatively experienced energies) and feelings (positively associated energies) = the energy is the same, we decide HOW we define it in our minds and this relationship to energy and the very mechanics of how we function in our physical bodies is essentially the one and only reason why any form of abuse, ‘eating up’ of life is actually a mechanism that we all exist as.

Yes, in fact a post on ‘cannibalism’ (155. Are we all Cannibals?) was something I wrote long ago on how we tend to make a big deal of anything that we perceive is ‘eating up’ life and destroying it and sacrificing life, but in fact by the sheer maintenance of our minds existing in a constant generation of thoughts, feelings and emotions, we are also in need of constantly transforming physical energy (our life substance, our bodies) into mind energy to create such experiences that we’ve defined as ‘who we are.’ And this means that we have become the very ‘life eaters’ or ‘life cannibals’ the moment that we use our energy, our physical energy that we get from the earth through eating every day’s meals and transform it to power our illusions and delusions in the mind, as experiences that we believe is what pleases ‘us’ or ‘what makes us human’, when in fact, life itself does not need an experience, only in the mind do we keep going at it like addicts, seeking for any next fix – this is precisely what we need to change in relation to all things ‘experience’ in us.

Therefore by understanding this basic mechanism, we can see this same pattern of ‘eating ourselves alive’ or ‘consuming ourselves to give power to the mind’ repeating everywhere else in this reality. This is the real ‘repetition’ and ‘fractal reality’ that we are creating, where we try and excuse our existence to some ‘program’ or ‘system’ of sorts where we believe we have no say in what we do or how we are within ourselves, because we make ourselves subject to some programmed existence that we accept as ‘who we are,’ yet that is precisely the accepted and allowed existence that we have to question at the core of ourselves and not only be guided or rather ‘blinded’ by following the tracks to stories and despicable human actions as if they were truly evil and completely alien or separate from our own nature as human beings.

Now here, it’s not to make the quick assumption that ‘because all we are is evil, therefore we are doomed therefore one just steps aside from the whole world and lets it all be’. Nope, how I see these kind of events or ‘news’ if you will becoming more mainstream is also for a process to emerge in humanity to start seeing/realizing the extent of evil that exists in ourselves as human minds, to see how far we in fact can elaborate on a dysfunctional relationship to energetic experiences – in this case related to sexuality and power –  and turn it into a demonstrably abusive energy fix – through beliefs, through experiences, through traditions, through elitist circles or whatever, doesn’t matter in the end – that ends up consuming the most pure beings in the name of such experiences related to abusing infants for the sake of an experience, because that’s what it’s all about, in whichever form or opinion it is built upon= it’s all a mindfuck, literally, abusing life to satisfy the cravings we create, accept and allow in our minds.

Now that IS the point I want to get at here where we stop comfortably separating ourselves from those that we deem as ‘evil to the core’ and ‘reckless’ because here we’re going to realize how we are in fact operating in the same ways and mechanisms as the most ‘evil’ people in the world do– or that we prefer to believe and see others as such for a convenient separation of responsibility:

 If we remove the relationship to energy, and there was no ‘energetic experience’ to be obtained from anything that we do, would we still do it anyways? That’s essentially the redefinition of living that this process from consciousness to life awareness is all about, where we actually commit ourselves to understand the polarized energetic experiences – emotions, feelings – to write them down to understand them, to acknowledge them as our creation, as our responsibility and so then make a self-aware and practical day to day – continuous – commitment and practical decisions in every moment of our day to change that part of ourselves that leads to the same old ‘energetic fix’ – either positive or negative – and instead, transform it into a living experience, a word that one decides to live instead of the detrimental emotional or feeling experience, pattern or habit that led to self-destruction, to all things that are the ‘reverse of life’/’that are evil’ and so, take the actual process of being Self-Responsible and do the work it takes to correct ourselves, to acknowledge our consequence and so commit ourselves to change bit by bit every single day.

It’s easy to criticize those that we believe are ‘the worst of the worst’ for committing ‘heinous crimes against children’ while pretending one is ‘not at all that abusive’ – really? If we were to in fact stand as who we really are, as equal and one to everything and all that exists here as ourselves, would we have any face to still say ‘I am better than others?’ No, and that’s the reality of what we are currently one and equal to. We are all co-creating the mess until we decide to understand the same mechanisms that exist in each one of our minds – in all of us – and so commit ourselves to take our individual responsibility and be that 1+ person that creates self-change within oneself – challenging, it is, but this is to understand that things like ‘pedophilia’ or any other atrocity for that matter is only the extreme demon-stration of the worst that exists in every one of us by virtue of having a mind. And this is what I’d take as yet another great reason to understand the importance of ensuring that we don’t allow ourselves to feed our mind fixations and experiences more, otherwise when a person stops questioning these supposed ‘needs’ or ‘fixations’ or ‘preferences’ ends up justifying the worst of actions that maim and torn lives apart.

This is a process of facing, understanding, walking through and yes, at times becoming aware of very gruesome realities that exist as part of what is here as well – not nice, not pretty, but it is also useless to become angry or hate back or blame back. Reacting to it, judging it is futile – and in my case I had to face the point of letting go of wanting to know ‘the reason why’ anyone could do such things, and instead focus on what needs to be changed and stop getting lost in a rabbit hole of ‘why, why, but why? Or ‘how could they?’ or ‘what is in it for them?’

See whenever being stuck in a ‘why’ and wanting to understand the ultimate reasons for stuff, if we cannot see a direct answer to it in a moment or upon basic Self-investigation, then one simply can acknowledge how this that we see is creating a negative consequence, a problem, a reaction needs to be stopped, changed, understood to the point I am able to understand what I need to change/what I need to take responsibility for within myself – and so as humanity –  without getting ‘lost in the information rabbit hole’ and then commit myself to stand as the solution and change.

This means asking myself how can I take that point back to myself to change my relationship to, for example, energetic experiences, see where am I using/abusing something in the name of an experience and only focusing on that disregarding that which I may use or abuse in the name of it. And we would be astounded to see the amount of living beings we do this too, and would this mean that I now have to bash and punish myself for realizing I am also equally creating consequence every moment that I am alive? Nope, been there and done that and it leads to further blackmailing myself into ‘depression mode’, feeling ‘bad’ or ‘disgusted’ or ‘sickened’ about the whole thing and continuing to ignore the essential fact here that I CAN take responsibility for and that is to change the relationship to energetic experiences within myself, change the relationship to my mind, to stand as the directive principle in my life, in my body and focus on the creation of myself as the person and being that I realize I want to be for myself and others in this world.

Focusing too much on the problem, trying to find the ‘ultimate causes’ is no different to recreating the same problem over and over again, because no focus, no breath of life is being given in the name of life itself, in the name of self-responsibility to one’s life and that of others, in the name of standing as the correction oneself. And this is one point that I am committing to because as many other people I’ve known, it’s easy to get lost in the information threads and forget asking ourselves ‘where do I stand in this? What can I personally do to take responsibility for this existing in myself as well?’ which is an essential set of questions that would take us all back to working with what we CAN change, which is ourselves.

We can’t change the manifested consequences of all the atrocities that we are becoming aware of now, even more so if they have existed for longer than most of our lives together and we cannot just hide in disgrace and pretend it doesn’t exist either – it’s about understanding it, becoming aware of it, but not getting ‘hooked’ in it either in an attempt to ‘do justice’ by blaming others, hating back, or ‘doing justice on our own hand’ through fighting back or hurting more beings… no, this is about self-understanding and self-realization, rather taking these vile examples of our human nature as one plus reason to change within ourselves, and that doesn’t require loads of data and information and gruesome details that may end up being more counterproductive for the masses – instead one can decide to no longer ‘fuel’ the same problem in an attempt to ‘understand it’ – but instead directly step into the creation of solutions, and that begins with each one of us to realize that punishing others doesn’t do a thing to ‘do justice’ to what is done, to that which is irreversible at this point.

We can only learn to prevent this by learning how to live with our minds and our experiences at an emotional and feeling level in a supportive manner. This is what needs to be taught at home from birth and then in schools or through parents that can be prepared enough to be parents – possibly evaluated to ensure that each child that comes into this world can be born into a sound environment, with sound of mind parents and a true understanding and living example of what it means to be living words for a betterment of humanity as a whole. As you can see, doing this will take time, but it’s not impossible, we’re starting already, don’t leave yourself behind:

Join in:

 

 

Essential self understanding and support available at Eqafe.com

 

DSC00365


455. Traditional Experiences During the Season

(Or Quick considerations for me to let go of ‘The Grinch’ Character this holiday season)

With the advent of Christmas and all stores around and the streets being filled with xmas decorations, I decided to make of this the time of the year that I don’t ‘dislike the most’ for all the reasons I have shared throughout the years and instead make it a challenge to prove to myself that I can in fact stop my backchat about ‘Christmas’ and all that it entails.

It’s day 3 of this month and so far I’ve been stopping my judgment toward people that go and buy their natural tree as Christmas tree as I see them on the top of the cars, same when passing by a whole area dedicated to Christmas decorations… I realize that me getting pissed about it – as it was usual – won’t change others’ minds about consumerism or whatever and it won’t assist me in any way either and only keeps me in the ‘Grinch’ personality system that has to constantly pull out some discontent at all things Christmas…. In a way, it’s time to mature for me, lol.

I also understand that my discontent is not really bringing through a message to anyone really, I only appear as a very bitter or moody person. Instead, what I can do is in conversations or if asked, I can give my perspective of why I believe that spending money on live trees that will end up in the garbage in January is a waste of life and money – and how they can buy plastic ones instead or make their own from dry twigs – my mother has been doing that, looks great and minimalistic lol – but in my family we’ve never bought natural ones anyways so, one can only preach by example.

 

Whenever I hear Christmas songs in the stores, I don’t create a disgust toward it or ‘annoyance’ because I realize this is a clear personality decision I’ve managed to pull out every single time, as the ‘Grinch me’.

Instead I just breathe and not give it any special attention, I mean it’s just a song, whatever input and value I place on it, it’s my own.

The same applies to people buying stuff in Christmas, packed stores, more traffic… I commit myself to continue even more so in this season – which used to be the season where I’d get ‘more fed up’ around the streets – breathe, slow down, don’t judge, see it for ‘what it is’ as in a tradition that everyone is locked into or participating into willingly and I don’t have to do the same, therefore, I just let it be – I won’t change or create awareness by me becoming pissed about it or try and pull out faces at people buying stuff = message is not shared by believing I am righteous enough to tell other people they are ‘wrong’ and ‘deluded’ about their habits, the principles are lived by actually demonstrating what being one and equal to everything is which is: not reacting at all, not allowing myself to be affected at all by it.

Family reunions… I won’t avoid them, as a matter of fact will go to one in some hours, I realize that they are great spaces where I can also prove I am not avoiding people, avoiding celebrations as such and also to allow myself to continue developing openness and relationship to others in whichever way possible, because my Grinch personality is about to get starved from here on.

I won’t cringe at seeing holiday decorations around, even if I decide to not use them myself, I realize I have been bothered by all the meanings and associations I’ve given them, the colors, the sounds, the symbols – but ultimately, it’s just matter, it’s part of what is here, so what am I doing wasting my breaths playing the one that reacts all the time like a clockwork about it? No more.

I rather give this end of the year point another meaning, one where I can look back at aaaalll the points that I have opened up, gave closure to, started creating, got committed to, points I’ve just begun to open up for the first time to change, and just keep at it day by day, not making any specific date ‘more’ than it is, other than the usual dinners or time with family as I spend it any other time of the year… which means: I decide what I make of this season this year and I decide to no longer be the Grinch and prove to myself that I can let go of these personalities I have defined as ‘me’.

I realize how ‘foolish’ in a way this programming is, but I won’t go into judging it either, I see it for what it is. Time to rather spend my breath in developing stability and self-honesty, rather than rehashing my own ‘traditional experiences during the season’- see the paradox? I use to complain about the repetition of characters and ‘Christmas as a tradition’ yet I had created my own tradition to stand as the opposite point of all things ‘Christmas’ so… bam, there you go, we are as equally supportive of Christmas when standing as an ‘opposition’ to it – apparently. So best thing is not create any experience at all about it, and rather develop the expressions that can emerge in this or any other season for that matter, for I am not bound by dates or seasons or traditions: I decide who I am, what I live and what I express.

Here’s to another challenge to deprogram my own personalities that are not supportive, but plain annoying in themselves.

Thanks for reading

 

The-Grinch-jim-carrey-141528_1024_768

 

Suggested recordings for the day:

 

Learn and walk with us how to Embrace and Create Life here:


454. Embracing Living Potentials

(Or how I plan to get rid of the ‘Doomsday character’)

 

Self-Forgiveness on the previous blog I shared

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as self-sabotage whenever I give into the usual known experiences of ‘gloom and doom’ or sticking to seeing only the ‘bad stuff’ or destructive aspects and patterns in everything and everyone wherein I then create an experience of discomfort, not being able to fully embrace a situation, a person, an event or circumstance that represents actual growth, change, expansion, expression and reacting within my mind by  defining it as ‘too positive’ or ‘too good to be true’ ‘not realistic’ when it comes to comparing it to the ‘reality of the world out there’ –  yet at the same time seeing it as a proof of potential, of growth, of self support, of self-creation that I then react to in a physical manner in a form of discomfort, which I translate to a disempowerment of sorts by believing that ‘that is too good to be true’ or ‘it’s not realistic’ or ‘it’s too positive’ and within this, I excuse myself from actually doing the necessary process of change for me to stand one and equal to such potential and possibilities for self-creation and self-expansion.

This happens when I go into my mind to qualify or attach a particular experience to a moment or situation, wherein I have programmed myself to react in a form of limitation as a ‘blockage’ in my experience whenever I perceive or define something as being enjoyable, of happiness, of ‘goodness’ as something constructive or plainly enjoyable or even pleasurable, wherein I then believe that I have to ‘stick to reality’ and not fully embrace it – here defining ‘reality’ as something that is not good, not supportive, of destruction, of sadness, of suffering and in doing this, I go qualifying my experience towards everything in a polarity mode, wherein I feel comfortable and ‘ok’ to remain in the ‘same old’ or ‘usual’ experience of comfort and normalcy associated with things remaining in the current status-quo of generally not being growing, expanding, supportive and oddly enough, I have not been able to establish who do I want to be in the face of all of that which is constructive, of growth and expansion and expression and enjoyment for what it is, wherein I have become so used to immediately tell myself that ‘this is not reality, this is not aligned with the truth and experience of the majority in this world, therefore, I must give up on it, I must not enjoy it, I must not be part of it, I must stick to reminding myself and everyone else about the fuckedupness in this world’ – in this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that in this desire to make of myself a ‘reminder’ of ‘all things that are wrong in this world’ through creating an experience within me that ‘rejects’ or ‘reacts’ to actual living change – in doing so I recreate and continue to exist as that ‘status-quo’ of not changing, remaining in an ‘unfortunate’ self-experience, denying my self to create myself into something that I would genuinely enjoy being and expressing as me, because of judging it as ‘not being aligned with the rest of everyone’s experience’ –

but here, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that this is a polarity I am holding in my mind, wherein in self honesty, it also becomes a way for me to be comfortable within ‘the same old me’ and not pushing myself outside of my comfort zone, which means I use the knowledge and information and awareness of how ‘the world is at this moment/how people in this world, the majority of them, are experiencing themselves, the animals, the environment in general’ and use this as an excuse, a reason and justification as to WHY I am apparently not able to stand up in a moment, let go of my own bitterness, gloom and doom within myself in the face of seeing potential, seeing evidence of change and self-creation and so instead Stand up as the change, live as the determination, creativity, perseverance and expression that I’d like everyone in this world to exist as, of course in consideration of what is best for all.

I realize that I have been denying myself the experience of growth, expression, creation, expansion within me in my life, even in the smallest details based on using knowledge and information as to why I am supposed to almost be a ‘martyr’ in the name of the rest of the world – but here, it’s just a ‘good face’ to cover up something else in fact. Within that ‘experience’ I am in fact justifying me not changing, not standing up to my own words of that which I would like others to live for themselves, and not just the poor and unfortunate ones, but everyone equally.

Therefore I have to stop living in spite in reality, spite that has been covered up as a notion of ‘I am on the side of the unfortunate ones, I am a martyr for not enjoying the things that others do enjoy and create for themselves in their lives’ and in doing this, actually become spiteful to others that do actually stand up to create the lives and experiences that they want for themselves and stand as their own creation that surely, it is also something that could be very supportive and cool for many more to create and enjoy equally.

It is quite paradoxical that in a supposed attempt to ‘do good’ to others or stand in ‘mourn’ for those unfortunate ones, I believe that denying all the ‘good things’ in life is a way to ‘honor them’ when in fact, I become the very perpetuator of self-limitation, of ‘the system’ itself that we’ve created as our own limitation, as our own enslavement, therefore in no way am I actually standing up ‘for others’ or for anything really, I am only using that awareness as a source of limitation for myself.

Here I also have to realize that based on the current situation of our world system, money system, many things are just not possible to create in equality as in wanting everyone to ‘have the same’ as I do or as I see others can create for themselves, and this is part of our manifested consequences of separation creating inequality and creating differential access to even the basics in this reality. But these are only FACTS, these are the ways in which the world is currently working. Therefore ME creating an Experience about this and reacting to it with anger, sadness, commiseration, misery within myself about it specially in moments where actual living creation and expression exists as a potential, is not being a solution to these problems in the world, is not me standing as the solution of who and what I’d like everyone to exist as and live as in this world, be a genuine and full example of that – but instead, I ‘close up’ and go into this very subtle yet present experience of wanting to stand as a representation of ‘all the bad things’ that are going on in life and be a constant reminder of that toward others, wherein I realize that it’s not about now completely ‘being positive’ all the time and making of it an energetic experience, it is about paving the way for and opening myself up to actually embrace the potential of creation, of life.

I also see that a solution to this whole point is about embracing the reality without a judgment, without qualifying it as positive or negative, but rather assessing it in common sense which means seeing ‘what is best for all’. Because otherwise I trap myself into defining all things related to growth, expansion, expression and enjoyment within a ‘positive experience’ that I then go into opposing with ‘all things negative’ apparently to stand as a ‘balancing point’ to the situation, but in this it’s not really about ‘What I want to remind others about,’ I only end up screwing myself because I don’t get to change the things I want to stand as a ‘reminder of’ for others, in terms of the misery, the suffering, the poverty, the unfortunate experience, and at the same time I don’t get to assist myself to actually learn how to Embrace the potential of self-creation, of growth, expansion, development, enjoyment and the ability to ‘play’ with life which are just that, actions, decisions, outcomes that I then have to assess in common sense if they are genuinely supportive, if they are sustainable, if they are a point of self-expression, if they don’t compromise myself or others in any way – and so instead of going into the polarity of the ‘good’ and ‘bad’ and me embodying mostly that ‘bad’ or ‘negative’ in the presence of all things I have defined as ‘good’ or ‘positive’ – I rather embrace such potentials, such moments which I actually should be grateful for.

Today I actually dreamed of my partner being this point for me, because I dreamed that we were in two separate rooms in the same house, and I was ‘very busy’ as my ‘usual self’ in my room and he would just knock at the door and start dancing in the hall way and even through the stairs, which in that moment in my dream really assisted me to ‘get out of my seriousness’ for a moment and embrace that laugh, like I Allowed myself to precisely laugh at the moment while being quite glad that he was expressing himself in that way in a moment and sharing it with me. This means that this point of enjoyment I would have usually ‘denied’ this expression of myself in the moment because of considering it as ‘not important’ or ‘too happy for me’ or ‘too superficial’ or whatever, but in ‘waking life’ this is also becoming a point of expression and embracing it as well, which has been cool and a whole nother topic, but relates a bit to transcending some of that usual ‘knee jerk’ reaction to ‘expression’ for example.

I don’t ‘lose face’ for doing so or I don’t become ‘less serious about life’ with it, it’s actually the other way around: the more I want to stick to representing and embodying the ‘nature of the system, the nature of the reality for everyone out there’ as this doom and gloom, the more I create it, accept it and allow it within and so within others and as this reality.

This is quite a revelation for myself because how can I go desiring ‘change’ in this world if I am not fully embracing and standing as the very pillar in all of my being to embrace such change and constructive and expressive outcomes that are possible for all of us if we decide to stand as it as well? It is impossible if I continue to want to in a way sabotage it or maim it or expect it to ‘not work out’ after all – yep, quite the ‘evil’ as reverse of life here – and so it becomes a way to justify ‘my experience’ in the face of change and constructive, expressive, enjoyable moments and I become my very own obstacle, my very own ‘challenging experience’ that is actually not of Life.

 Life is not experiencing itself as ‘emotional’ stuckness, but it finds a way to continue, to grow, to purify, to adapt, to expand, always, even if all around and all the ‘variables’ are against it, the proof is we are still here so that potential is also within ourselves– and that’s what I decide here to stand as and decide to live in every moment as myself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my addiction to doom and gloom and believing that ‘I was more grounded in reality by embodying or constantly ‘bringing up into my experience’ – notice as an EXPERIENCE – the same or similar things that I actually only can Imagine people out there are going through in an attempt to ‘make a stand for them’ as in making of myself that embodiment, as the ‘one point’ that almost wants to ‘rain down on everyone’s parade’ as a reminder of ‘how things are not ok in life and in this world’ therefore ‘I cannot just join in the constructive and supportive and expressive side’ and let go of what I have defined as my ‘real side’ – all things related to sadness, suffering, self sabotage, destruction, doom and gloom – which is in fact just a personality trait and experience that I’ve become so used to ‘being in’/existing as.

 In this I realize that all the times I’ve recoiled or criticized people that I have judged or even spited as ‘too happy’ or ‘too expressive’ were actually moments where I could see that there was this inner struggle, inner ‘battle’ to embrace that as me or a potential of myself, which is in fact the change to create and make space for within myself (out of my comfort zone) – therefore, in a way becoming like the character of ‘Wednesday’ (Merlina in spanish) Addams when being around all the happy kids in the camp and standing as that one point and reminder of all things related to the ‘opposite’ the kind of happiness everyone was up to there – lol – which is kind of funny because it relates very much to a personality trait I’ve become and embodied as myself, and that has actually already caused me some health situations before based on this constant ‘mourn’ in a subtle manner that exists based on focusing and reacting to ‘all the bad stuff’ going on in the world and in a way ‘re-enacting’ it within myself whenever I am confronted with something of supportive or what I had defined as ‘positive’ in nature.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse of having this ‘undefined undercurrent experience within me that I don’t know what it is’ as apparently something that was ‘beyond my reach to change’, so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that ‘this is always going to be with me’ and ‘I cannot change it’ because ‘It’s the nature of my beingness’ wherein even if that is so in terms of how we’ve all programmed ourselves to the core to stand as separation, as all things ‘of the mind’, no matter what, we can still make that constant decision to not ‘follow the mind flow’ or ‘the usual experience’ but instead actually stand as that self-creation point In the moment, and how I see that it will be is making a seemingly ‘small shift’ within myself wherein instead of judging something or someone that is constructive, expressive, playful and showing that potential of what life is and can be, I allow myself to embrace that/them as myself, as something I must physically create space for and embrace within myself, and this is possible once that I do not ‘fill in the gap’ in that moment with the usual ‘me’ that is accustomed to yes seeing the benefit of change, growth, expansion, expression, self-creation and agreeing with it at a Consciousness or Mind level, but at a BEING level, I have not yet been fully ‘in it and as it’ as the totality of who I am.

Therefore this is where I have to become very aware of these subtle moments where this seemingly ‘undefined’ discomfort emerges in me upon witnessing growth, expansion, expression, enjoyment, playfulness and life in its multiple ways and expressions emerging, and so in that moment I can decide to deliberately take a deep breath so as to ‘make space’ for this new me to embrace these potentials that a situation, a person, an environment is presenting to me and that I can decide to be a part of it without judging it as ‘positive’ standing as a counter act to ‘all the negative’ – I have to in this moment let go of my usual ‘equation’ or ‘balancing act’ of me standing as the ‘reminder of all the bad things in the world’ and actually make space and learn how to stand as that ‘embracing of life’ within and as myself.

 

It’s interesting because for the most part what I’ve done in this deliberate decision to do supportive things for myself and others is that yes, it has felt as very unnatural, but I also realize how this seemingly experience of ‘going against the flow’ also has to do with a resistance to change, to put it bluntly and simply really, because only a resistance persists in a particular ‘inertia’ state and not being fully willing to change or making it ‘difficult’ but in my case, it is definitely a matter of a decision to do so.

Yes, it might probably feel like I am entirely going ‘against my grain and core’ but I have to remind myself that if this is the nature of my beingness as ‘evil’ as the reverse of life that isn’t able to embrace life and all of its potential as me, as a possibility and reality for me; then how can I in any way continue ‘advocating for change’ or be ‘promoting change’ or ‘expect the world to change’ if I am not ENTIRELY to the core of my being living, embodying and existing as that very life within myself.

Here, I have to treat this the same way as I have treated any other addiction really, because it’s a comfort zone, it becomes a justification to all things that we believe ‘are not up for us to change or challenges as who we are’ when in fact, I can see the obviousness of how if there’s anything that I am reacting to or subtly creating a discomfort about a point of expansion, of potential, of life, change and growth, I must stand fully as my awareness of this particular pattern of addiction to pessimism and doom and gloom and ‘things not changing’ and ‘remembering the suffering of everyone else in the world’ and realize that it is completely Futile/useless for me to turn those facts into a personal experience as an emotion within me, that I am in fact Not changing myself and not working/standing/applying myself to be the change in itself even to the core of my being, which practically means ‘not just agreeing with words’ but make that actual shift at core level of the nature of myself that I want to live by and express as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dishonor life in this blatant way, by holding on to my ‘preferred’ states of being with subtle rejoicing at all things destructive and of the mind which are in no way an actual demonstration of me being an example of ‘living life’ but more like continuing the trend of our entire existence of self-sabotage and comfort in self destruction, seeking change ‘out there’ instead of focusing to the detail of myself here, which is where I can empower myself as change.

 

I’ve realized through all the supportive interviews at Eqafe.com that there’s a very simple way to ground these seemingly ‘undefined’ experiences into a solution by directly asking myself: “what am I hiding, covering up, justifying, excusing and validating with ‘my experience’? or “What am I NOT wanting to take responsibility for in my life, in my experience that stands as a form of spite in the face of life?”

Is all of this something that is pretty to face and acknowledge exists within oneself? Nope, and I could go into shame as to ‘how the hell have I allowed this to exist within me!?’ and into blame and feeling bad about it, lol – that would only catapult myself back to where I was before opening up this whole point so, that’s how judging one’s actions is a double-layer fuck-up that can be short-circuited by deciding NOT to judge what we’ve lived and become, and instead just Directly and straight-forward go to the solutions, to the decisions of changes to be made, to the actual practicing and embodying of the change that I have paid lip-service for, but that I had not actually fully embraced to the core of my being as a potential yet to develop and create, and nurture within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never question my almost hatred and disdain towards that one aspect that my grandmother represented for me as the person that will always ‘feel bad’ about herself and only think about being sick and ill and even in the face of getting all the attention and support, sticking to complaining and making a big fuzz about things and almost like becoming addicted to conflict and fighting for her limitations, constant complain in most interactions I had with her and to judge her for that instead of first realizing that there is also a reason why she was like that.

So once that I looked and got to know of her entire life some of this made sense, but then I could also see how she literally abandoned herself, her life, her body, killing herself even if consciously ‘wanting to live’ and taking her meds, because her actions towards her body, her thoughts, her very relationships were not entirely that of actually wanting to stand as life, but more like the contrary. Here I have to forgive myself for judging my grandmother as this person that everyone in my family got to know I had a ‘conflictive’ relationship with, which also reflected how I wasn’t willing or even aware of taking such points that I disliked about her personality and her mind, and take them back to myself to see how I am living and embodying those same points within myself.

Of course when doing this, it’s not going to be ‘the exact same things’ she used to be and stand as, but I can read the pattern in terms of how I subtly‘cannot stand’  to see progress and development even if through my words and voice I can agree with it and support it, but I haven’t yet made the actual ‘space’ so to speak to truly embrace this as myself as an actual potential/possibility that exists for me, as myself, and for others as well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss out the obvious points when it comes to investigating how I relate to and have judged some members in my family for showing certain traits that I’ve defined as plain horrible such as how it seems that anyone’s well being or good fortune creates a discomfort in them, and how I could ‘not make sense of it’ because of how I could not fathom – apparently – that someone could feel that way in the face of potential and support and  growth/expansion! – yet I have done the exact same thing yet not seeing it for what it actually is, but suppressing it interestingly enough as this nature of ‘how I am’ and not questioning it.

So, the devil is in the detail as in I have thought that as long as I deliberately utter words that are supportive and geared to create solutions, I was being the solution – but this is more of a physical experience that I am now aware of is there as an undercurrent/underlying presence that I had not challenged/question to the core within myself, therefore this is more of a physical embracing of life itself, not only at a knowledge and information level, but as a … how to explain it? A making of space and so a deliberate stand to embrace such potential, growth, expansion, awareness, change, development, expression, self-creation.

I’ve seen how many of us that are ‘too concerned’ about the world out there actually become this very ‘problem’ ourselves where we focus too damned much in the ‘outside’ that we forget to look at the very details of how, where and why we are creating this very same problem or recreation of friction and conflict within ourselves in our minds, thoughts, experiences and we don’t even question it or notice it and that’s a huge problem, because then we will recreate our addiction to only seeing the problems, to the hidden and covert ‘blame’ towards whatever or whoever or the system itself for why things not change, instead of realizing change as myself at this very core, not only in thought, word and deed or ‘good intentions’, because I’ve thought I was doing it, but this is also a BEING decision, a who I am and how I relate to or decide to express myself In the face of seeing/witnessing/standing in front of and in the midst of potential, growth, expansion, change, development, support, enjoyment and all of that which I have denied within myself as a potential of myself.

I can see that in both of my family lines, the constant experience was that of suffering, of pain, of dread, of depression, of inferiority, of melancholy and the rest of it, so, this is something that had become so ‘natural’ to me that I had not questioned it yet I can see this almost ‘addiction’ to misery of sorts, very weird! Yes but not to judge it any further though, but to understand it as just another way in which we function in our minds – some people are geared to the ‘happy’ and ‘all things positive’ in their minds, and some others are the opposite and I happened to be geared more in the ‘opposite’ so, I am just part of that polarity that divides ourselves in experiences instead of rather being able to embrace potential as life, undefined of ‘charges’.

I realize that it has been a very sneaky and subtle way for me to actually disempower myself when it comes to embracing possibilities of change, wherein a form of pessimism or negativity or ‘sticking to the reality of the majority’ becomes a comfort zone as well, wherein I use that as a reason and excuse of why I cannot embrace that change, expansion, possibility, creativity, expression within myself. And this is exactly the kind of personality I have embodied for most of my life.

Who I am within using ‘the facts’ as the reality of what is here in this world as an excuse of why I cannot embrace that potential of expansion, growth, expression, enjoyment as myself? I am avoiding responsibility to change myself, I am abdicating my own ability and going into a disempowerment which becomes also a comfort zone as to ‘why I cannot do anything to change the WHOOOLE world and system out there’ therefore, I remain in this sense of ‘stuckness’ to not take the point absolutely back to myself and see how I am still reacting and accepting this experience as ‘unchangeable’ within me, even in the most subtle/tiny experiences and situations when in fact, if there is one place where I can in fact stand fully as the change, is within myself.

So I essentially have to stop using the world, the ‘state of affairs’ of how things currently are as an excuse, reason and justification of why I cannot embrace actual and genuine change as in embracing and so giving creation to what exists as a potential of growth, development, expansion, self-creation and self-expression, wherein it has become easier for me to agree to it ‘at a mind level’ but not yet fully embrace it as the new nature of my being that I decide to live by – which is a great, great difference.

In my sneaky mind I validated this experience as something ‘true’ to myself, I even saw it as a way of being ‘compassionate’ to others maybe, a way to ‘care for others’ but this exists only as a moral facade really, as a ‘caring for others’ at a personality level, because as long as I don’t care entirely to change this very mechanism of spitefulness within me, how can I dare to say ‘I care for others and change in the world?’ I Cannot, because the very reaction that I am presenting to such actual change and possibilities is that of the reverse of embracing it, and that cannot continue being so in my being.

And this is something that I know for a fact is not only existent ‘in me’: our very nature at a mind and beingness level is that of containing some form of self-destruction, to keep ourselves controlled and in the comfortable illusion of disempowerment.

It is in that comfortable illusion of ‘being disempowered’ that we become the very embodiment of the systems that we are trying to apparently ‘change’ out there… this is so essential to understand really, it can potentially define the entire starting point that anyone can have toward creating ‘change’ in fact, and that’s how I’ve explained in past blogs that I no longer seek the change ‘out there’ but rather focus on the very necessary and indispensable change within each one of us, and it begins with these subtle changes that might take some attention and focus to become aware of, but one simply knows when there’s something ‘coming up’ as an experience in ourselves and that’s already a reaction, might not be a set of thoughts but subtle physical experiences, and that is IT.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question this seemingly underlying experience within me that emerges every time there’s a witnessing or awareness on constructive, self supportive, developments, growth, self-creation and all things that are actually supportive wherein I would have a ‘discomfort’ within me, very subtle – yet brushed it aside every time, hoping it would ‘change’ itself, but I had not realized that it’s not so much me rationalizing ‘change’ but also at a being level making a decision to embrace these potentials as the life that exists within me, as the examples others are presenting of this and rather be grateful that I am seeing this now, rather than ‘later on’ or ‘never’ and continuing ‘tolerating’ my mind as this subtle physical experience.

 I realize that my affinity with doom and gloom is a way of keeping myself in a personality trait that even if I can in common sense I’ve seen the benefits of learning to live in a supportive manner, at a very deep/being level I wasn’t making that whole decision for myself entirely, but more at a knowledge and information level, more of a ‘moral’ stand point if you will instead of making the actual space to embrace and so develop such potentials to then focus on creating them as myself, as what I have yet to create as myself which sure, I have no ‘scheme’ or ‘predefined’ sets for, but I have seen glimpses of my potential and expression and abilities and skills, so I can continue developing those further and continuing learning from others, embracing them as examples I can learn from, which are other human beings in this same process that I learn a lot from, which is remarkable to say the  least and demonstrates the possibility of this at a humanity level.

This is a one point I ‘brushed off’ aside for so long I see, and all I can say is that this will be quite the challenge for me based on the subtle yet very noticeable change to be made here… I shall report back in time how I go bringing it into creation, into application in real time which is what this process is all about. Here I only suggest to be aware of points like these because it might get to a point where it’s not necessarily a set of thoughts popping into one’s head, but a very, very subtle physical reaction that one knows ‘it’s there’ and one has to then open it up to see it for what it is, to understand the pattern when it emerges and so see deeper into it.

That’s it for now, thanks for reading

 

Suggested recordings for the day:

 

 

Merlina Addams

 

LOL!

 

Learn and walk with us how to Embrace and Create Life here:


453. Raining Down on Everyone’s Parade

 

I had a very revealing dream to myself this night and it’s interesting because I had a brief episode of sickness yesterday and slept quite a long time and I remember seeing this one dream closer to the time of waking up. Anyways what this dream reveals to myself, to the T, is that one aspect of myself that I have seen exists in me in a very almost self-sabotaging manner when it comes to embracing the ‘good stuff’ in life. Throughout these years I’ve shared how I have had a tendency to be comfortable in all things gloom and doom. That’s just how some of us have wired ourselves wherein instead of seeking comfort in the positive and nice fluffy things, we create a comfort in seeing everything wrong, incapable of changing, in a way yes existing in defeatism and seeing ‘no way out’, which I’ve come to understand is a way of yes giving up and not doing the actual work it entails to get things working out, to create something, to move on, to develop, to persevere with what we see in common sense is best for all and so ourselves.

Some of the most obvious aspects of this tendency to remaining in ‘all things gloom and doom’ I have been able to be deliberately changing and you know what, that has been one difficult thing for me to do, because it involves deliberately sticking to see the potential in everything, to deliberately create ways to establish solutions, to deliberately push through something until completion and not giving up on me or others, or life itself.

What emerged in the dream though is something that I had not entirely been able to pin-point even though I’ve been ‘in it’ for I’d say my whole life. How to define this experience in me? How I’ve experienced it and it became this very puzzling sensation in me is how even while being in the most supportive environments on earth, I could not entirely embrace that which I perceived as happiness or wellbeing or enjoyment around me, I FELT that it was quite a fake thing to embrace that expression and potential in me because of thinking/going into my mind and assessing: “hey look at the world, this is not a happy go lucky place, people, animals, life is suffering, what the hell am I doing here just trying to ‘be happy’ and joyful?” This is really not a nice experience because it’s like you can see others genuinely expressing themselves and being enjoying things but I just couldn’t, because of this ‘thorn’ like experience that I had wherein even if at a logical level it made sense and it was cool, there was this something in my experience that would just not embrace it.

This is exactly that one little stingy thing that has been ‘here as myself’ for so long and I hadn’t been able to point it out before, because it’s constantly there, it’s underlying most of the time in my every moment and interaction and how I spot it is how one kind of rejoices when things are going wrong in a way, when more gloom and doom exists and how I get into this very ‘uncomfortable’ experience when seeing growth, development, expansion, potentials, wellbeing… I know, it is even a bit shameful to say so because I have been deliberately advocating for that wellbeing, but I most of the times kept only those that are mostly currently disenfranchised to be given that wellbeing, I have not been entirely including myself in that wellbeing to be honest, I have desired it for others that are having a real bad time on Earth and that’s it. In a way, secretly desiring that the rest of us rather get ‘lemons in life’ for the assholes we’ve been to everyone else that we’ve left behind. Yes, this is a vengeance construct that includes me as the one that shouldn’t be able to ‘enjoy’ anything in life because of who we’ve been and what we’ve created. Yes, this can also be more like a form of punishment, but I here also realize that it doesn’t work as a ‘learning lesson’ if I genuinely wanted to change me and others, we’ve had tons of consequence in this world and we haven’t yet ‘had enough’ of it it seems. So, my logic is all wrong in this case.

But here, what I just wrote above is how we go making up excuses and pointing others as the cause and masking ‘good causes’ with a deep desire for things going wrong in a way, a part of myself has existed as that where whenever there’s any opportunity to ‘plan’ or ‘project’ very cool stuff for others in this world, I just can’t, I blank out, I cannot see further and find it even as too much of an ‘illusion’ to go into such kind of ideas or potentials, and that’s why I have focused on what’s here in the moment, the day to work with but still find it difficult to have this ‘blank slate’ and paint my perfect picture even if I could, even if the world was in that ready-for-creation state… and this as I see it can only mean that I don’t know yet, because I haven’t created it yet and I have to stop seeing it as this very evil/bad thing of myself to freeze out in all things good and potential and not being able to kind of ‘compute’ to it or embrace it, because I haven’t been doing that for myself yet, I haven’t let go of this other ‘vein’ that runs through me that wants to keep everything in a fucked-up status-quo. Yes, not the best thing to say or consider isn’t it? But I have also seen that even if we don’t want to admit this to ourselves, this is how we are wired in our minds for the most part when we are not self-directive, we drive ourselves to an inherent self-sabotage because we actually don’t want to do the work, the effort, the discipline, the changes required to truly embrace and nurture that potential in ourselves… in a way, we want to keep ourselves as addicts of the bad life, in whichever way or form it exists for each one of us.

Is this sad and shameful to realize? Yes it is for myself, absolutely, I was ashamed the moment that I realized in my dream how I was attempting to deliberately ‘bring others down with me’ because of my experience, instead of being the one that steps up to change myself, my experience in that moment and let go of my self-definitions and limitations.

If anything this is what I can define as the ‘evil’ inside me, that can’t rejoice in all things constructive and positive and expansive and supportive, but always awaits to see something going down again, to eventually want it to be broken, to be ‘in the same old’ misery, which is also where it is very much a weird thing for me to say, and this is a part of me that exists in me, that I have been deliberately changing and correcting throughout the years, yet it is still unexplainable if it will ever go away as this underlying experience in me, as the real nature of me that I will have to continually manage and override with a deliberate constant creation of the me that I would be in common sense willing to live and express as myself.

See, why I say the words deliberately creating and considering common sense, because if I didn’t, I would still ‘rather prefer’ – me as the mind – to have things not changing, to stay in a ‘comfort zone’ of self sabotage, of not growing, not expanding, not looking into the future in seeing the potential of what I’d like to be and create – and these are still points I have to look at deeply within me, how even if I am advocating for principled living and doing what’s best, it is something I deliberately do, it’s not natural, I don’t precisely feel ‘comfortable’ doing so all the time and still there are these moments where there’s a part of me that recoils at the notion of something growing, expanding, being happy, cringing at success so to speak…. And I get the image of my grandmother with this, and some other people in my life that I had seen tend to have the same set-up and this is where I realize: I want to stop the cycle of limitation, of pity, of misery, of recoiling at someone else’s thriving experience and here I see how this can be a generational thing as well that we mask with ‘fake gladness’ towards others, yet in the inside it’s like we cannot stand someone’s happiness or wellbeing and thriving… and this is in all cases my definition of that evil that exists in me.

 

 

So yesterday I was chatting with my buddy and I mentioned this point of how there was this interview that was published on Eqafe.com that I absolutely ‘resonated’ with in terms of wanting to get all of the ‘secret stuff’ out in the open to finally see it and acknowledge it, its name is the Consequence of Suppression. And I did tell her in a rhetorical self-questioning, that ‘I’d like to know for myself what those ‘deep secrets’ are’, because there are some say rather ‘meaningless’ stuff that I’ve worked with before in terms of ‘secrets’, but somehow I wasn’t seeing This very point I’ll explain here. So it’s like I made the question and I got a partial answer to it through this dream, which I am quite grateful for.

In this dream I was at my grandmother’s house…. I never liked going there, I didn’t have a good relationship with her either because…. lol! She represented exactly – most likely – this pattern that I am about to explain, so the fact that I was there with my partner and some in my family already was like an interesting set up because I had not dreamed of that house in a long time, even though I didn’t see her there either, she’s dead too. I was told by my mother how we would only make a ‘stop’ there in the house for a short period of time, we were on our way somewhere else, which is why I was ‘ok’ with being there – noticing here already the conditioning aspect. This ‘conditionality’ aspect means to have others do what I say or want based on my preferences, which is one hell of a controlling mechanism that I have imposed onto others around me, big time. Meaning if they said ‘we will be there for a short time’ that should be IT and if other contingencies happen, “I’m sorry, you said this: we must leave now” type of thing.

As we were sitting in the living room, a bunch of unknown species of insects and animals would start flying around and running around, for the most part I would be usually scared of this, but this time I ‘breathed through it’ in the dream, which was interesting even though a part of me just wanted to zap them and get the hell out of there. After that I’d see more people arriving to the house, people I haven’t seen in some years which created some discomfort in me as well, which is revealing too. And the people that were gathering in that same living room had some kids that started running around and in general they were like these ‘good people’ that were happy and enjoying themselves in the moment.

What started happening is that I started just wanting to leave the situation and get away from it all, because it is like the situation was just ‘too perfect’ for ‘me’ as my mind and my experience that almost gets into a discomfort when things are going ‘too well’ in certain situations… yes as weird as it sounds. How I’ve defined it in my mind is that ‘this is too fake, this is too good to be true, I’m out of here’ And in that moment I was expecting my partner to be in that ‘same experience’ but! Nope, actually I’d find him carrying a baby  and playing with the kids and I’d see how he was quite stable and content with it all, so I knew that I would be a real b. if I’d go and tell him to leave them and come away with me and my misery. Some people around me kept trying to interact with me and in a way to make me stay there, but what I saw is how there was a part of me that wanted everyone to just start feeling miserable, bad, negative, to ‘drop the show’ as I perceived it. I wasn’t interested in ‘joining them’ so to speak, no matter how constructive their talks and doings were in that moment.

Then someone else – a male – would take me aside into a different room, a different setting and would simply ask ‘what’s up’? I recognize that question from someone in my life that assisted me a lot to genuinely look inside me and be honest about my experience, so then I would start complaining and half-crying almost like a little kid, all about how ‘everyone was just so happy and well’ and how I wanted everyone to instead consider ME my experience that was uncomfortable in that situation, I wanted everyone to ‘drop their show’ to focus on how I wasn’t doing well, I wanted to stop ‘their good time’ in order to focus on my ‘bad time’ and this is one hell of a pattern in fact.

It reminded me as well of the times when I would throw tantrums as a child for something I perceived my parents forgot to do for me or give me or be there for me, and so whenever they would start apologizing and even giving some stuff to me as a way to redeem themselves, I would throw it all back at them, I would kick and scream and cry and become just really, really irate at the situation. I have explained this before as well and my ‘happiness point’ in that situation was to have them feel like shit for ‘doing this/that to me’ and be terribly sorry and just be at the same level of woe that I was in and ask for forgiveness and stuff like that. So what I wanted in that reunion situation is others to ‘notice me’ and how I feel really bad and almost want to push them to ‘blame themselves’ for ‘making Me feel a certain way.’ Which is what transpired in that situation developing at my grandmother’s home and only when I woke up I kind of pondered how come I hadn’t seen my grandmother there, and saw the obviousness of it… I was embodying that one aspect of her that I completely hated about her, which is related to how even if she had all of her kids with her assisting her, checking up on her constantly, giving her all the money she needed, she would still complain and drown herself into a pity party that was very difficult to get her out of, if not, at all.

So I haven’t actually walked this point for myself, how this aversion I had toward my grandmother is not a childish thing that I created toward her and believing that I am right on that assessment, because sure I have now been able to understand more of her life context and experiences to understand why she was who she was and behaved the way she did. But in me, this almost self-sabotaging experience of wanting to ‘rain down on everyone’s parade’ and have everyone else become equally miserable to My experience… man, that is fucked up to say the least and the ‘frightening’ thing is how this is an underlying experience in me that I hadn’t been able to actually see with clarity.

There had always been this one ‘thing’ as a ‘stuck thorn’ experience that would come up whenever I see anything ‘blooming’ and ‘in happiness’ and in any form of growth, development, expansion… in a deliberate manner I push myself to see the benefits, to see how cool it is that this/that is growing, expanding, enjoying, being just ‘fine’ with themselves and in a situation or environment. Yet me in my experience, like it was in the dream, even if the environment could have been genuinely interesting, comfortable and even inviting for me, I held on to this one bubble of anger, discomfort, resentment point that I was piling up based on how ‘I had been told this was going to be a 5 minute thing, now we seem to be stuck here’ and in a way refusing to ‘give in’ and ‘let go’ of my control aspect, but at the same time almost like wishing and desiring that others could notice how unhappy I was, and have everyone else around me notice that I just wasn’t ‘ok’ as them and so be able to stop their experiences and ‘join me in misery’.

Upon sharing this out loud to my partner I see that this has been that one ‘thorn’ that I’ve experienced basically everywhere and in everything where it seems I cannot genuinely enjoy something, that I cannot fully embrace something that is entirely supportive. And here it is not a point of deserving or anything like that… it is just this constant if I can call it ‘evil’ as a reverse of life really because it creates  a comfort in anything that is not yet ‘there’ in an utmost potential of my own self experience and that of others and everything around me… and how I have assessed it through my mind is that ‘it feels fake, too good to be true, that’s just not how life is’ and in this underlying experience, almost always expecting things to keep going wrong, to keep struggling even though I myself in my directive self and the self that I am deliberately creating for me is well aware of how detrimental is for us to keep ‘falling’ on the same crap, really. Yet I see that there is still this part of me, very suppressed, very ingrained, very underlying but still constantly there where I just can’t seem to be able to enjoy myself fully and completely, I just can’t seem myself to even push myself to envision/visualize myself having ‘all that I need’ in a way that I guess many people can constantly dream of as their ‘perfect lives…’ I don’t have that and I see that as much as I have had moments of genuine enjoyment, there are some ‘wirings’ in me that tell me how that is not real, that is just a passing situation, that is not the reality of life on earth and so kind of eventually suppressing it in a way to keep within this ‘stuckness’ comfort of almost being in this ‘ever-developing’ phase where I can’t seem to fully breakthrough to constructive and supportive stuff, because of how I’ve Defined it as ‘unreal’ as ‘fake’ as ‘not true’ and ‘not congruent’ to the rest of life on Earth.

Though in common sense, why would I want others to be constantly miserable as a way to realize what we’ve done to ourselves and so what needs to be changed? It is not necessary, if anything that stage of being at our ‘very dark bottom of the pit’ is nothing else but a stage from which we have to eventually step out of.  And this is where I know I deliberately place these words because they make sense and it’s the kind of expression I want – as in self-corrected me – to continue nurturing and growing in myself, but if I wrote here as the me that has always been here as ‘my real nature’ so to speak… I would not be bothering, at all.

Therefore how I use the word deliberate as a guiding point for me, realizing I am doing this willingly and deliberately and how it doesn’t come easy because it feels so unnatural, so ‘not me’ but this is precisely the part of me that I consider we all have and that we have to in a way starve to death, we don’t have to feed it anymore and so instead grow, nurture our other aspect of ourselves, that little bit where potential exists, where thriving exists.

And this is also that came up as well when I was recording this hangout of Black Mirror’s season 3, episode Nosedive and this might even be actually a very supportive thing for me to learn to see how others related to the same episode and so use it to reflect a lot more back into myself as to why I became what I became before and so here how to continually and deliberately expand into creating the self that I see is most supportive and constructive for myself and others in equality. We all have that potential, we have to make a deliberate decision to see what do we want to keep supportive within ourselves? The evil, the constructive and supportive or ‘good’ for a lack of better word?  Up to me.

 

Learn and walk with us how to Embrace and Create Life here:

 

Photo of my niece by me, hope she doesn’t mind!


452. Absolutism is in the Eye of the Beholder

 

One thing I have noticed throughout my life is how I tend to and have been very absolutist or extremist. This has led me to create my own conflicts whenever I try to ‘fit’ something into a very ‘black-and-white’ mindset where I don’t consider or allow shades of gray. And what I have not realized or considered is how it is only myself as my mind that is configured/set up to work this way, in an extremist and polarized manner where there is no further embracing of the multi-dimensions or multiple aspects/sides that exist to everything and everyone that is part of life on Earth.

A sentence that made me realize this with clarity was one of Anu’s statements on the explanation of the nature of our beingness and how to understand the ‘good and evil’ nature of who we are/have become and so seeing that, yes as much as it can be ‘narrowed’ down to saying ‘good and evil’, it also depends very much on ‘the eye of the beholder.’ This bit of sentence enabled me to realize how I am the one that can decide to see things in one way or the other; I can decide to remain in a narrow focus with which to approach people, situations, information and I am the one that places these very narrow and inflexible ‘frames’ upon everything, with which I then go categorizing, filing, defining something or someone according to these very absolutist, narrow, inflexible, extremist and short-sighted ways to be honest with which I had learned to see the world thus far. Why do I do this? For the sake of creating a notion of ‘knowing’ which gives a form of ‘control’ over something/someone or reality itself, because who we are in the mind seeks this kind of ‘power’ – lol – to know, to have already ‘digested’ and so concluded to have a particular view or conclusion about someone/something in reality; yet here I will share why I’ve realized this is actually not so at all.

What does this practically mean? It has a lot to do with having an ‘either /or’ mentality, it can be morality when having to define something as either entirely ‘good’ or entirely ‘bad’ and so kind of go making this ‘final judgment’ upon things. An example, there’s a ‘selection’ of foods that I eat now, yet with those same foods throughout time I have gone through a back and forth several times in wanting to ‘cross-out’ some of them based on defining them – according to knowledge and info – as ‘bad for my health’ and then I come across some other information and then I incorporate them again and place them on the ‘good for me’ list again… what is missing here?

To begin with I am following (fall-allowing) information only, I am not being the directive principle in testing things out for myself and seeing how my body does with each food, but instead I take the knowledge, make a religion out of it where I follow it as ‘how things work’ only to then have that same ‘religion’ be debunked by ‘another religion’ I can encounter on such as an explanation of how this particular food has been demonized by ‘mainstream health care’ information and the opposite effects are to be expected with this one food… and so where do I end up? Caught up in information, mis-informing myself based on how I blindly cut down my own practical investigation and immediately start following it, jumping from eating it all the time, to not eating something at all and vice versa.

This is what happens when we are looking at reality more through the eyes of information and making quick knowledge and information assessments on ‘how things work’ and missing out the practical physical reality testing out phase; and this is not only related to ‘deciding what to eat’ but it can be also related to people where we for example tend to immediately create an experience or very rough perspective on a person we just met based on what we ‘like’ or ‘don’t like’ in a 5 minute interaction… lol I mean this in itself already should speak volumes of how Narrow-viewed we are when immediately being very quick to upon 5 minute talks decide to like or dislike someone… here there is again this ‘like’ or ‘dislike’ approach in a polarized manner where we jump into conclusions, where we don’t allow ourselves any actual consideration of ‘another being’ in their entirety, their life context, who they are in the moment, the phase/situation of their life they’re at, their day, their physical experience in that moment of interaction, other/external factors to the interaction and a plethora of other aspects that we cannot even fathom exist in that one single moment of interaction with another.

Yet in our minds, we have not programmed ourselves to consider space-time physical reality and all of the multi-dimensions of it, nope. We only live ‘up there’ in our minds that in my case I’ve noticed works in this yes-no/ like-dislike / true-false/ right-wrong/ good-bad/ type of mentality, most likely it works like that in us all considering our minds work exactly the same.

So, here using the word ‘deliberately’ again as in making a conscious, considerate, intentional and willing decision to step out of the ‘absolutist’ mindset when it comes to how we are interacting with anything or anyone in our world. I have written about ‘assuming’ many times in this blog, because it precisely involves that ‘jumping into conclusions’, immediately ‘assessing’ things in this mind of mine, cutting-corners to expand my vision and just want a ‘quick outcome’ to then decide ‘who I am’ in relation to something or someone.

Therefore the correction and solution to this absolutist mindset that I’ve been applying is that whenever I see myself jumping into conclusions and wanting to frame something within an ‘either-or’ mentality, I have to take that deliberate step to consider the multiple dimensions, multiple factors about something or someone, and most of the time I’ve found it is actually quite enjoyable to kind of ‘prove me wrong’ in terms of seeing how actually narrow minded or tunnel-visioned I was when yes, going into a backchat about a person, a situation, a moment in reality where I am too quick to make a judgment and assessment of how I ‘qualify’ something or someone, instead of taking that moment to say “ok, can’t be black-and-white anymore, I’m stepping out of the absolutist/fascist mentality where I impose my own ‘view’ upon everything and everyone” – and this is thus the practical process of actually going embracing reality in its totality, whether it is a situation or event, a person I am interacting with, something I read/learn as knowledge and information, something that ‘happens in the world’ I mean, I’ve seen time and time again how we are all too quick to ‘side’ with one or the other side – usually it’s 2 based on our ‘binary’ system in the mind of polarities really, where there’s usually no space for multiple shades of gray.

See and this is where in a way this reminder of not being ‘black and white’ but dive into the multiple shades of grays is handy, because there’s in fact a lot of them– nope, not just 50 people, lol – and that is even a visual reminder so that whenever I see myself wanting to go from one extreme to the other, to take a moment to see further, to know more about the situation, person, information I am taking on, to test it out for myself, to engage more with a person for example and get to know who and how they are beyond a 5 minute interaction for example… asking more questions to really get to know who they are within the words that they speak and the statements that they make, it’s a whole different thing than just hearing something once coming out of their mouths and ‘filling out the blanks’ in our black-and-white mindset.

And so upon doing this, it is actually very cool to go expanding ourselves in really learning to See and Get to Know others, ourselves and so the reality that we create altogether and yes! Even understanding with more clarity the problems that we create based on how quickly we jump into our absolutist mindset, wherein then I can be the one point of solution and decide to go about life with a more ‘physical’ set of eyes, instead of only going mental doing this quick assessments of yes/no, love or hate and decide ‘that’s who we ultimately are’ in relation to something/someone.

As I said above, I actually enjoy being able to prove me wrong in my ‘rushed’ assessments about something, because it enables me to precisely go bit by bit letting go of this absolutist mindset and practically seeing how to start expanding or attaching these new ways of seeing/looking at things and people or situations in a more constructive way, in a more physical and real-time way other than ‘it’s either right or wrong’ type of thing.

It’s funny as well because throughout my life I actually disliked that people would only make a quick assessment on me based on certain ‘qualities’ that would be known by most, and yearned to be ‘truly known’ by another in a holistic manner, beyond what I was and represented as in my social environments or how people would usually ‘tag me’ as… and now I see that I had been reducing things/people/situations to that level of ‘either/or’ myself  for the most part, which proves the point of how we tend to project onto Others that which we haven’t yet done/been/lived for ourselves.

So, this is also a form of righteousness to let go of, where we usually believe that ‘others are the problem’ instead of being able to sit back and look within ourselves to see that we haven’t precisely yet given to ourselves or lived for ourselves that which we are commanding, yearning, asking others to be for us or do onto ourselves. So in a way here practicing the “give to myself first and be for myself that which I would like others to be and do onto myself as well”. It gives me first that step of responsibility to myself so that I can then stand as the expression of consideration, of expansion and embracing something someone in its multiple-qualities, factors and dimensions that we all are.

This has also been then a new starting point when meeting anyone and having even ‘one time only’ conversations where I genuinely enjoy getting to know them and kind of understand who they are, why they are what they are and even in a limited-time frame possibility also push myself to not make a quick ‘conclusion’ as to how I ‘frame’ the person, but learn to see another in their multiple-dimensions and facets and uniqueness that all of us are as human beings, and so not to jump into ‘defining’ another, but rather seeing them for that they shared/presented to me in that one moment, and that’s been very cool to do as well.

So now I have to also learn to do this with information as well, to not seek to quickly ‘figure things out’ or be driven to understand something ‘to the T’ to then decide ‘who I am’ or ‘how I relate’ to something or someone or in relation to a piece of information, but instead always integrate this consideration of the multiple shades of gray, the multiple dimensions or aspects that exist to something or someone, and that way I can go slowly but surely ‘dissolving’ or letting go of my own ‘caged’ mindset of polarities and extremes, and instead continue to learn how to embrace reality in its multiplicity, which is in fact another way of letting of of judging in general, stand down from our ‘personal court’ and ‘drop the case’ and ‘drop the charges’ lol. It is a decision for me to let go of the desire to control, to ultimately know, to tag, to define, to categorize…. and so embrace things as they are.

 

Thanks for reading.

 

 

Learn and walk with us how to Embrace Life here:


451. Will You Deliberately Read This?

 

One aspect of our human nature that is as clear as water for me now is the propensity to blame and behind this is the evasion of self-responsibility. As I write this I ‘feel’ I have just wrote about this in my last blog, but there’s really a myriad of ways in which we constantly try and find all kinds of ‘disguises’ or ‘covert’ ways to not have to take Self-Responsibility. How? We victimize ourselves, we believe we are ‘just enslaved to the mind’, we say that ‘we don’t know ourselves’ or ‘don’t see what we are doing’ or we get ‘angry at others/the world’, we say we ‘can’t remember’ or ‘are ashamed to see what we’ve become’ or believe that we have been ‘programmed this way by some gods or creators’ while comfortably forgetting all about what ‘oneness and equality’ means even with ‘those’ that supposedly are to ‘blame’ for what we’ve become. All  of these excuses I can note down here because I’ve seen myself in all of those aspects throughout my life as well, only to now see with clarity that they are all comfortable lies we tell ourselves to not get to see and recognize the raw truth of ourselves, which is not nice and not pretty.

There’s a particular great interview that I found resonated with me quite a lot, because this is exactly the reason why I am part of Desteni, because I am interested in us ‘taking off the masks’ that we have become with ideas of us being less and inferior to ‘something’ or ‘someone’, which are just ways to deceive ourselves really, instead of fully standing our ground and being ok to embrace ourselves – the seemingly ugly and horrible of ourselves as well – walking this path to review our lives  – not only personally, but collectively – and so be able to stand up and say: Yes, this is ME, I embrace me, I acknowledge and recognize me as the liar, the cheater, the victim, the creator, the whole of it.  I realize I have the ability/capacity/power to change who I am, because I have created myself and what I have become, and so I decide to LIVE that change, moment by moment in a Deliberate manner.

See this is a key word here to work on as I’ve been seeing it and realizing it with clarity within myself, because walking this process is a deliberate decision. Why deliberate? It’s not something that will flow naturally out of you, most likely it will be the most awkward ‘unnatural’ and ‘out of place’ thing one has ever done, because we have just not wired ourselves to live by principles of self-responsibility. Therefore being Deliberate is an absolute matter of willful action to see, recognize/acknowledge and realize our responsibility to who we are and what we have created as ‘what is here’ – and so at the same time, in equal realization opening the door to start creating ourselves in a principled manner, because we created ourselves and we are creating this reality as is = this means we are the creators of it all, so the question is: who do we decide to be?

We have created ‘greater sources’ and ‘gods’ from the very first moment of our existence, not as humans, but even before that, and all of it for the sake of creating a blind-eye and eventually forgetting who we are, ‘removing’ our responsibility to it all to place ourselves in a position of inferiority, of powerlessness, of enslavement, precisely so that we then could ‘lash out’ and ‘blame’ some god or authorities, later known as ‘elites/politicians’ and ‘controllers of the world system’ as the reason why ‘all is wrong in this world.’ It’s so obvious that all that we’ve done with our lies/beliefs and experiences is nothing else but masking ourselves further from seeing directly, seeing here, what is here as our creation, our reality, our reflection – no ‘other’ but ourselves here.

And this doesn’t only relate to ‘the world’ out there, but inside of ourselves. As I was saying, there is this interview that explains to what extent we can hide ourselves from even being open to ourselves! We hide and we don’t even want to admit what we are seeing and experiencing in our own minds – which means no one else can! – and I can say yes, it’s really shameful and nasty and not ‘nice’ at all to open to oneself these aspects of our true-nature, of our true-human nature. Yet at the same time, this is exactly where we have to be at and go to if we want to Actually start taking significant steps in this process of self-realization/knowing ourselves and so having the keys to this change we sometimes see sooo difficult to create. The interview I’m talking about is The Consequence of Suppression – Quantum Systemization – Part 143 because, funnily enough, I hadn’t really connected the word ‘suppression’ to evasion or wanting to get away from something, but only as a ‘hiding’, but here now seeing how we hide when we don’t want to get to see ourselves face to face with what is really going on within ourselves, that we usually project onto others as some form of experience, again to avoid/evade seeing ourselves directly as the creators of that experience within. And so that’s why we tend to usually ‘lash out’ at others, or the world – whichever becomes our pick of the day: politicians, parents, gods, your partner, your children, ‘the system’, the money makers… the list goes on as far and wide as our desire to hide and blame and excuse ourselves goes.

It’s astounding the level of separation we have created where we virtually wage wars against anything and blame anything or anyone for our ‘enslavement’ or ‘controlling us’ not even realizing the kind of deliberate dementia we have become to precisely ‘forget’ all about who we are, what we’ve become and in doing so, we still keep ourselves busy trying to ‘find ways’ to apparently ‘be free’ from ‘the oppressors’ and ‘the laws in this system’, and ‘the money system’… we are truly only fooling ourselves! We have created it all, because we are in fact ‘one and equal’ – so who are we fooling when trying to ‘stand up to the system’ really? Are we standing up to ourselves then as the phantom enemies that we’ve created to perpetuate division and separation?  

Maybe some unfamiliar to this might say ‘Nooo! Can’t be! I’ve always been a Good person!’ well, that is just not so, who we are and have become is visible in every inch of this reality and in the kind of experiences and thoughts we hold within our minds, even more so when they are seemingly dedicated to ‘do good’ but hold a desire to trump others, to take revenge, to show and prove to others wrong, to ‘beat the rest’ and achieve one’s success over something or someone…. All of it again nicely masked and disguised for the sake of keeping oneself in a pedestal of glory and nobility. It just doesn’t exist as a genuine aspect of ourselves, the only way to make it real is by getting to first stand and embrace the deep bottom of what motivates us to be and do what one does.

Hence the point here on the word Deliberate. It’s a fully considerate, conscious and intentional doing that in the context of this process is accompanied with the integration of the living principles which can be resumed to doing/living/speaking/acting/thinking what is best for all – not about wanting to be good or avoiding being bad – or who knows just wanting to ‘be bad’ either – but about creating a starting point to everything that we do in a way that we KNOW is best for oneself and so best for others.

We can only fool ourselves to think we don’t know this if we actually don’t want to let go of an aspect of our egos/personalities and multiple characters that benefit who we are as our minds. It’s very easy to debunk or find out ‘what is it that isn’t allowing me to see? What is it that I am resisting to let go?’ simply asking ourselves what do I don’t want to see of myself that I actually don’t want to realize as my creation, that I don’t want to take responsibility and do the work to change real time for, that I am actually ashamed of, lazy to change, want to take the ‘shortcut’ to do, want to do the least effort to bring through a supportive change… what do I want to hold on to as a comfort zone in myself, in my mind experiences and in my life? And just by asking these questions, things will pop up in our minds that we have to then Deliberately – as in fully considering, consciously and intentionally – open them up to for once and for all get to see how we essentially have been throwing tantrums all along, deliberately using the shield of ‘fears’ to not actually do the deliberate self-investigation, self-introspection that comes in the way of writing or even having supportive engagements with other individuals to get to know ourselves in an actual deep and open way, based on being willing to acknowledge that first and essential, primordial nature of who we are which is that of what has been of negative nature, of destructive consequences in our bodies, in our lives, in this world.

We all know what those are, because we can see the results and even kids can tell us what makes sense to do and what not to do… so why do we fool ourselves, be-living-a-lie believing that we don’t know any better, that we are too fearful, too scared, too weak to do anything about it.

There is a phrase that has come through in this process with Desteni throughout the years and I frankly only ear-marked it for some time, not really knowing what it meant. But more so than before I consider I am giving it a definition here that is supportive for myself. That saying of ‘walking through the eye of the needle’ and how I see that it precisely involves this Deliberate – consciously, considerate and intentional – doing of living decisions that are supportive, doing the necessary work/actions as changes that we need to start, continue and improve in walking this process of self-change every single day, every moment we are alive, because there’s always, always room for improvement. This IS where we decide: do I fool myself pretending I don’t know, that I need to blame others, that I cannot forgive something/someone (which is OURSELVES anyways), that we are too weak or powerless to change, that we don’t know how, that we are too overwhelmed in our minds… It takes a deliberate decision (see the following audio for more understanding on ‘Living a Decision’: Living the Word Decision – Reptilians – Part 311) to create change in one single moment. And this is what I’d like to see as ‘the eye of the needle’ here where it seemingly is the most difficult thing to do, yet it is that opening there which is just about the right size of a constant breath, a constant standing up, a constant facing of potential challenges that will enable us to continually define where are we standing on? Who do we decide to be: of life as self-creation, self-responsibility and deliberately doing what is best for all/best for self – or of the worst of ourselves as our minds, our patterns of all kinds of excuses, justifications and victimizations with which we have managed to avoid seeing back at us as the origin and source –which means the creators – of this all: We are IT.

Now this is all theory, it’s me really ranting about things that I have been realizing and seeing more direct than ever with the assistance and support of the material at Eqafe.com and having many points ‘click’ within me to see how supportive it has been in my case throughout my process to decide Not to deceive myself, not to fool myself and when I have done so, man, do I walk the consequences for sure and only I know where I have not stood, where I have stood and what is yet to be created as myself, my potential. And this is exactly where we have to let go of when fearing to be in this seemingly ‘uncomfortable spot’ because we have yet to create ourselves, yet at the same time it’s kind of silly because here we have on a golden platter the actual keys to freedom and liberation, yet we time and time again keep ‘choosing’ to ‘diss-the-track’ as in distracting ourselves and going back to what we’ve always been before, or seeking ‘more information’ … our minds, our patterns, our usual ways to keep seeing ourselves as little kids that are in ‘perpetual seeking’ yet not daring to turn one’s face back at oneself, apparently having no say in this world.

Come on, we need to ‘human-up’ here and start transcending our adolescence really, where we like to play adults and gods and ‘grown ups’ for certain things that usually have led us to our ruin, and play ‘the kids’ that don’t know any better for everything else that entails a real doing, a real acknowledgement of self-responsibility and so a genuine dedication of self-change, of real discipline to deliberate walk through all of those seemingly ‘difficult’ points, that are only seemingly ‘difficult’ because we don’t go feeding our usual ways in the mind, and we actually go through a withdrawal process, a withdrawal symptom because of how addicted we have become to, yes, self-destruction, inferiority, victimization, keeping a blind-eye to self-responsibility even if disguised in a ‘standing up’ manner when it comes to doing so ‘against’ something or someone…. Yes, we only can fool ourselves to continue making it as tough and as difficult as we decide it to be: no one decides that but ourselves.

An example is how we like to think that there is this government that is ‘spying’ on us and everyone is fearing the NSA and GHCQ and we have people like Snowden saying ‘oh oh fear fear! You are being spied, all of you, everywhere!!’ lol, really, we are only fooling ourselves from what we already by now should know: nothing that we do ever ‘goes up in smoke’, nothing. Not a single thought, not a single move, not a single ‘not-doing’ goes unaccounted for. And this is not any mystical mystery here, this is about laws of physics and the fact that we live in a physical reality that layers/keeps track of or ‘records’ every single one of our movements based on the sheer fact of us existing in this physical reality. And all of that is what we will eventually entirely have to review from beginning to end as our walk of self-responsibility for who we are and have become, either doing it here ‘in this world’ or in the afterlife as our Life Review of which you can hear hundreds of them by clicking on the link there.

So, we really can’t hide from ourselves and that’s what I got from the interview I mentioned above The Consequence of Suppression – Quantum Systemization – Part 143 because I really resonated with how things are explained there, because I see how I personally enjoy and like these rather ‘in your face’ wake up calls, that’s what  has been the most supportive for me in my process thus far – being very direct, stark, in your face, going directly to what one would fear looking at and acknowledging just because of fear, using ‘fear’ as an excuse really, as our own convenient ‘smoke’ to not see straight to the point and acknowledge: fuck, what am I really not wanting to do for myself to change? What am I being lazy about to change this? Where am I not placing my focus and attention to correct this which I know is having a negative impact on myself and so others around me? Why and How am I running away from myself? Because to me what has been of ultimate support is seeing how people in the afterlife walk through their entire life, revising every detail of it and getting to the core of the points to change, testing them in ‘real time’ as they go doing this, to acknowledge precisely their ability to stand, to change, to take self-responsibility, because hell, if we are to acknowledge –finally – our creation of this all, can we continue being (b)lame creators? Nope, we’ve been there, are there and have done that… doesn’t work.

We like hearing things like ‘becoming life’ and associate it with this nice fluffy thing, it is really not at all to be made into this spiritual joke, this is a serious process, the most challenging thing in our lives – not difficult though, because it’s really about Living Decisions, it involves our change in our consciousness, in our awareness, in our actions and inactions. It is not, thus, ‘difficult’ but challenging, and this is a never ending challenge where we decide who we want to be in every moment, every single day.

I don’t focus myself on this notion of ‘becoming life’ or ‘finishing process’ or whatever else… that creates yet a ‘something out there in the future to obtain’ which is how we’ve created the heavens, the gods and the rest of fluffy fallacies. This is about a Deliberate – conscious, intentional and considerate – moment by moment decision in thought, word and deed of how we are ‘spending’ our time here on Earth, what we give our focus and attention on, what we decide to live, what we decide to do and not do.

But please, if there’s a last thing I ask to myself and everyone else as a human being here as myself, is that we need to truly grow up now, to stop fooling ourselves, deceiving ourselves, to realize that we are the ones that give ‘power’ to our memories, that we create our fears, that we create our fuckups – no one else, no ‘god’ or ‘preprogramming’ or ‘challenging minds’ or ‘difficult past lives’ – no-thing of that is real, but covert ways to complicate our ability to see direct into what needs to be done. It is a deliberate – conscious, considerate and intentional – action to let go of our limitations as well, in every moment, and so focus on physicality, the doing, the direction, the ‘reminding’ ourselves of principles, of our responsibility – to not victimize ourselves, to not blame, to not see ourselves as ‘disempowered’ – but to acknowledge ‘we are it’ in every moment, we make it or break it. Up to us, no one else –  a very individual process yet a very collective one and the same one for us all.

There are tons – literally – of interviews of support for virtually just about any main aspect that you will face of your mind in this process at Eqafe.com and in all platforms listed below this blog. No one else can do this for you, you have to do the work, you have to deliberately decide to walk through ‘the eye of the needle.’

 Let’s do it.

 

 Artwork008

 

Try these out!


450. Is it about Others or is it about ME?

Today there was a great point opened up in a group discussion about how easily we give up on ‘others’ which in fact means we give up on ourselves. This reminded me essentially of every single relationship I’ve had with people that are of more intimate and personal nature. It reminded me of how easy it is to keep that backdoor as ‘opt-out’-mode whenever any relationship becomes challenging, it is then when I can look at myself becoming very uncomfortable in those relationships/situations with people, starting to find flaws every time and in a way becoming paranoid wherein every single thing they said or did, I started to ‘frame’ it within this same belief and idea of ‘there being something wrong with them, very very wrong!’ and interestingly enough, I never, ever questioned myself as in seeing:

‘Who am I within this experience I have towards OTHERS in my life? Is it only my experience and so my creation that I am projecting as these emotions of discomfort, of disgust, of ‘unpleasant’ times that I actually am having within myself and imposing onto ‘them’ Where am I not focusing more on dealing with my inner experiences instead of focusing on others and calling them the ‘reason of my experience’?

Nope, I never asked myself these questions because I’ve realized how our default ‘status’ in our minds is that of believing that we are ‘always right’ and ‘always the ones that are ‘objective’ in the situation’ – lol, I can laugh at myself now because that’s exactly what I have been/become throughout my entire life, always considering that I had some kind of ‘special view’ that was more objective than others, and so if I saw anything ‘out of place’ in another, then it would be so… which is of course the ego speaking for us in which we trap ourselves looking ‘outwardly’ instead of inwards.

But as it was shared in this awesome group discussion, the only way to know if what we see is really an observation about another, is to Drop all Charges – to drop the energetic experience toward another and take responsibility for it – to then be able to first work with one’s own reaction as an experience of say ‘discomfort’ towards another and realize: it’s our creation and I have to take responsibility for it; and once that one is absolutely and totally clear, nothing moving energetically towards ‘another’ then I can focus in re-assessing if I still see this point in a situation or in another as I did when I was possessed/controlled/dominated by an emotional reaction within me.

Man, these are the moments where yes in a way ‘I wish I knew this before’ back in the day in my life, but as with anything, to convert Regret into a gift that we can give to ourselves in our lives from today.

Please watch this video for support from Sunette discussing on this one: Regret – Remembering the Great https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M6VbGWxbMoo  

Also this great other one about Conflict

A Conflictual Relationship with Conflict – YouTube

 

I remember exactly how some 10 years ago I would write ‘my thoughts’ on a diary, but mostly all of the words there were used to justify my experience, to build up on my paranoia about ‘why everything is so wrong with another person’ and never did I ever open up or even consider how ‘Hmm! Maybe I am the creator of that experience within myself!’ Never happened, and that very much shows the ‘real nature’ or ingrained status-quo of who we are in our minds, where we are always quick to judge, point fingers, blame – blame, blame, blame – others for whatever we are experiencing within ourselves.

Here, if there’s one point that I see is of utmost necessity that all of us human beings look at is the word Blame, really. There is nothing else that I’ve seen ingrained as fuck – sorry for the word but that is so – as ‘stuck’ in our minds as this desire to always look ‘outside’ of ourselves for the source of our experiences, instead of first asking ourselves ok why am I ‘B-Laming /(being Lame’ towards others? Why not first looking within myself, focusing on myself and my experience TOWARDS that person?  Actually today I was talking with someone about the word ‘inward’ and this can be a key word to remind ourselves of looking first and foremost at the inner-ward we are keeping ourselves in our inner-wars of experiences that we believe another is capable of causing within ourselves…. When in fact, time and time again, it seems we have to remind ourselves that this is not able to happen in fact, we can only do it to ourselves. And that’s the necessary bucket of cold water that we all need to wake up whenever we see we are having this ‘person in our heads’ and making of them our human-piñatas, the punching bag that we can kick and blame for how we experience ourselves, which is in fact a deplorable aspect of our humanity and it’s got to change, and I cannot change anyone else but myself.

So, back to the point of giving up on others in my life. I can honestly also see where it is that I did ‘all that was possible’ with some and how I gave up too easily and too quickly on others, very prematurely I’d say. And now it is not for me to judge myself for that either, but to rather see from now on and recognize these moments of going into a form of desperation really, where apparently I cannot ‘keep going with’ or think that ‘something is not working’ or believing that ‘I’ve done all I can.’ I now know I have to make sure I am not reacting about it, because if I am, what do I know? I am in fact justifying and magnifying my vilifying towards OTHERS when in fact, I have some real shit to deal with within myself first of all.

So far I cannot say I have done this successfully with most people, but have managed with a very few and it is precisely the points where I learned to understand another in their very context, situation, mind, getting to really know them to understand ‘why they are what they are’ and that has been very, very supportive for me to learn what it means to consider another in themselves, in the totality of themselves. I have shared before how this has been the case with my current partner and in the very beginning of getting to know him, there were several times I just saw ‘no point’ or a ‘lost cause’ in certain situations, but the interesting thing is that he would be very stable and just being ‘himself’ in those moments, lol, whereas I would at times break down in tears and expectations of ‘being treated differently’ or expecting some ‘evident changes’ in what? A matter of weeks or few months of talking/getting to know ourselves? Which also proves how I was coming more from the perspective of wanting to ‘change’ another, instead of actually first getting to know and understand another and being unconditional in the sense of not expecting ‘anything in return’ other than the mutual communication and support this can mean for both or more people involved.

So I can definitely relate on how if there is an experience of ‘giving up’ on another and seeing it almost as a struggle, then, hello! The problem is not ‘them’ but ourselves, who we are towards them, what are our fears, expectations, desires, wants, needs that are not being ‘fulfilled’ by another? Or what is it that we ‘wanted them to be’ that we just can’t get ‘from them’ and so in fact become unsatisfied and so bring up the ‘ending the relationship’ card any moment that one faces these challenges that don’t really define the other, but it defines everything about oneself/myself.

What I’ve learned thus throughout this relationship is to see what it means to let go of ‘my desire to change another’ and instead only be an example, be a point of support but at the same time getting to know myself in a relationship where yes I speak up whenever it is required and when I notice patterns that we have talked about time and time again, yet I don’t create a reaction around it – here, it’s not been as easy to get to this point as I am able to share it now – it is a moment to moment process, where I have to remind myself to not get possessed when not seeing my ‘expectations met’ and to not be demanding and controlling of another, but to rather stand as an example, if anything, for another yet at the same time not creating that condition of ‘wanting to be paid with the same amount/ways of how I’ve done onto another’ – because it’s not really about ‘another’ but about me living and expressing who I want to be as myself, as my expression, me doing as I’d like to be done onto – without expecting anything in return – and surprisingly so, this has actually created that flexibility or say ‘letting go of my constant expectations ‘towards others’, it definitely is one of those points I’d say can create an actual stability to ‘walk with another.’

Now I’ve developed ways to bring up the points and in the moment I also have had to still stop myself from several times wanting to ‘make a case against someone’ and not clearing myself first, and after I’ve cleared myself if I still see the relevance of opening up a point/subject, I do so, but what I’ve noticed is that it is no longer this ‘running around in circles’ point in my head, but I speak it very directly and ‘as is’ and then I can be assertive in my stance because I’m not reacting, I’m speaking based on a clear assessment and this is then where it even becomes easier to assist another if the other person goes into a reaction, to speak about it, open it up, but best thing is to be able to ‘see it for what it is’ and so focus on practical considerations once that the ‘storm dissipates’, what each one has to do/work with or let go of and so we keep walking.

An example of what I’ve noticed is how whenever I am in a reaction and I am trying to ‘make a point’ is that I start speaking louder and almost in a ‘preachy’ mode, which indicates that I am holding a personal investment in the point, that I am bringing it up hoping to get some kind of benefit back or ‘proving myself right’ etc… which has been also cool to be pointed out about it, because it is something I know I am experiencing and that’s where I have to spot a pride situation going on where I don’t want to admit ‘Yes, I am reacting’ as that would prove we first have to deal with the things within ourselves first.

It’s weird we have assigned almost like a ‘negative charge’ to being honest about oneself still having to deal with things, instead of making these moments those self-honest treasures that we can then open up to reveal ourselves to ourselves and work with those points to correct ourselves, to align ourselves for once and for all.

If we work on that first point of being OK with admitting ‘Ok yes, I am reacting here indeed’ or ‘Ok, yes you are right, I am exalted in this point, I need to take a moment to reflect on it’ or even ‘Yes, I agree, it is true, I am reacting here, what do you see in this point?’ and so get feedback on what the other person says and then it becomes about referencing self-honesty and common sense, rather than an: I said, you said, she/he said… and it is so much better to develop a communication and interaction with others where we actually learn to ‘dig’ within ourselves and so share our perspectives and experiences, rather than continuing building up our personal paranoia ‘about others’ and not even daring to open up the point ‘as is’ with another.

So yes, this is what I’ve worked with, walked with and continue to do so in my relationship, with a person that goes at his own pace in his decision to support himself to become a better person, which means that the first dimension is there for me to also stand with in this situation, we are both individuals supporting ourselves in our individual ways to learn to see ourselves as our mind, to understand our reactions and commit to work through it. And this has actually made of the relationship a lot less challenging in those aspects than it was before. Now this doesn’t mean it’s ‘perfect’ but it is quite great for me to learn to first take a step back whenever I see myself wanting to ‘flare up’ in certain situations and dig further, ask more questions, get the full perspective and so learn to even communicate effectively!

Lol this morning I was precisely remembering how it is that there have been existential wars between races because of essentially not having effective communication, having misunderstandings and this was like a huge ‘Duh!’ I had at the time when I got to understand that, because I see how a lot of the problems we create (note, we don’t have them, we create them) are based on not understanding something, so just like I read from Sunette’s blog one day whenever we have a problem we can instead ask ourselves: what am I not understanding effectively yet? And so learn to become like these investigators ourselves of our experience, of how to ‘solve’ our problem and so be able to more effectively support/assist others to try out the same ways/techniques of self-introspection within themselves, like asking questions, asking lots of questions in the ways of getting the ‘the self interest’ point, like: what do I fear losing here? What do I desire to get? What is limiting myself? Or ‘What is it in me for doing/saying/acting on this/that point?

Here then some examples of what I’ve been actively applying, where it does take that one moment to ‘put a guard in front of my reaction-engine’ in my mind and body so that I can instead take a moment to understand better, get more information, cross-reference the points in common sense, devoid of my preferred outcome or self-interest, so in a way yes being unconditional – and so in that, learn to better understand another, their context, their mind, their experience and so make sure that whatever I experience based on what is said or done, I take responsibility for and only when I am clear, I can lay out the points not as ‘this is the problem, deal with it’ but also with the opening to create solutions, to be willing to ‘do my part’ as well in being part of the solution, and in this, very important: also letting go of the expectation that ‘the other will do their part too as I do’ – because this is about myself, who I am and what I decide to be and become, not about another.

To me, having been a very controlling and imposing person – almost a fascist at times with people, sorry about that lol  – I am now learning more about what it means to be more considerate, flexible and humble toward others and so to let go as well. And so also have to remind myself to first focus on me, to not be demanding of others something I haven’t lived/done for myself entirely. And yes, whenever I am very direct, straightforward and to the point in how I ‘walk’ with another, how I assist another, it is because I have done this for myself and it works best – though in this I also learn how to be more gentle or approach the same support in various ways depending on where the person is/at in their life, process, mind, life experience. So this has been every enjoyable for me really, also related to assisting/supporting people in this same process, it’s such a nutritional experience for a lack of a better word, and I am grateful for being in the position I am and with the responsibility it entails because it also pushes me to become a better person myself in what I do and what I’ve decided to live for the rest of my life: making of myself an example of what it means to let go of conflict and problem-based mentality, but being entirely willing to first and foremost be my own source of solutions and corrections that I can then nurture, cross-reference with others and in doing so, create also relationships of support geared to changing the nature of relationships/interrelationships which is what currently life is based on.

In terms of ‘giving up’ on someone, doesn’t define them but it entirely defines who we are, and this can only be assessed case by case, situation by situation where we can make sure we’ve done all we can possibly can do to stand up with/par on par with another, where one is not compromising oneself for the sake of ‘supporting’ another in means of ‘saving them’ because that’s quite consequential. And I am entirely looking forward for more support on these topics through the great website that has changed/expanded the reaches of ‘what is possible’ for ourselves as human beings in this world Eqafe.com, so check it out too and learn what it really means to be focused on being the change we want to see in this world.

 

Thanks for reading

 

Artwork024

Backchatting too much about others? Not effectively breathing?

Try these out!


449. How to Face Consequence: Defrosting Nightmare

I’ll share a moment where I have been able to change my ‘usual reactions’ into a supportive outcome.

I own a fridge that still creates walls of ice in the freezer. For over a month, we had not eaten stuff that was in there and I kept procrastinating the process of getting to defrost because of how I knew that it would have to be entirely empty to fully defrost several centimeters of this thick crust of ice. What happens here is that this freezer is a perfect example of how we operate in our minds when we just allow the ‘layers of ice’ in this case to pile up, and we don’t do ‘clean ups’ regularly instead – say once a week for this freezer – but we let it all just ‘pack up’ until it becomes this really tough thing to handle when finally deciding to ‘do the tough job’ of getting all that ice out.

So throughout the week we cooked the stuff to be eaten and empty the freezer, then it was the time to actually get it to defrost mode. Took over one day for it to fully defrost. But halfway the process, there were moments where a huge chunk of ice could not be taken out, it was just stuck, there was accumulated water and the tray that holds it was stuck with this big chunk of ice. I understood that if I let that piece there, once the fridge comes ‘on’ again, it would only recreate the same problem, it would be frozen and would not be let loose. So, there were moments where I was having my hands frozen, having to be ‘sponging’ the water out (because of the tray being stuck) and trying to get the ice stuff out. I almost wanted to give up, thinking there is no way I’m going to get this stuff out. But, I knew that it’s just not common sensical to ‘leave it for later’ because this is a matter of ‘now or never’ – so, kept pushing, moving around the tray, doing some forceful movements until finally the big chunk of ice came loose and we were able to finally take the water tray out.

Here, ‘the usual old me’ would have gotten pissed, would have tried to blame ‘the fridge’ for being so old that it still forms ice, would have blamed ‘my partner’ for not telling me to do this earlier or for not eating stuff earlier or ‘reminding me’ of doing the defrost… but nope, I didn’t do any of these things, I entirely assumed my responsibility related to this, and so breathed through my own desperation at times of wanting to say ‘fuck it, I give up’  – I refrained myself from doing this, deliberately, and instead kept pushing, deliberately breathing, deliberately knowing that what I was facing was nothing else but ‘piled up consequence’ of all the weeks I left this to come to this outcome, now I had to ‘pull up my non existent pants’ and take care of this, or it would simply cause havoc/consequence and possibly damage the thing.

So, I’ve been working with the word ‘embracing’ in these moments, an acceptance where we come to realize what we’ve ‘compounded’ in any either ‘physical outcome’ – such as the fridge situation – or internally where we get to a point of feeling entirely stuck, piled up with tons of ‘frozen stuff’ that we think it’s absolutely hard to remove, hard to self-forgive, impossible to take out – but what it takes is diligence, is not giving up, is walking the process with its necessary time – bit by bit – to get the stuff out and not ‘lose it’ half way, because in this freezer example I knew I could only pile up more consequence if I didn’t do it, and frankly yes I am fed up with me causing this same consequence over the years (been having the same fridge for 10 years now!) So I asked myself, hmm why haven’t I actually created an effective routine of defrosting more regularly? Why have I allowed myself to just ‘let it go by’ expecting it to ‘do it on its own’ and instead have mostly always waited until it is too difficult, too thick to just ‘turn off’ the fridge for a couple of hours and instead, it becomes this 24 + hours of keeping an eye on this or else, everything in the fridge would get warm and flooded with water….

This very much became a perfect example of how we operate in our minds unfortunately, where I from now on will consider how much of a consequence is created if there’s no regular ‘self-check’ through writings, through introspection, through focusing on what I need to take care of within myself and so without, because we are experts in procrastination and leaving things ‘up to the last moment’ where the consequence is huge and becomes really tough to handle, yet at the same time, if we are already there at that ‘stage’ of consequence, really there’s no other way but ‘take the bull by the horns’ and stand up, woman-up/man-up to our creation and take it bit by bit, yet taking this process as a cautionary tale to learn from, not to do as I’ve done with this fridge where time and time again I seemingly ‘forget’ the past SAME scenarios I’ve caused because of my lack of diligence in taking care of something that just keeps ‘piling up’ as the snow in the fridge. Same goes for my mind, our minds, no need to get to these piles of emotions over time, reactions, or even worse! React and throw a tantrum while we are taking care of our consequence, because I’ve done that actually every time I have had to run this same ‘defrost operation’ in the past. And this is what I became aware of yesterday, how I usually would start picking on the ice to get it out but it’s not only a physical movement, it comes with some anger, frustration, a blame of sorts to the poor ice that forms by itself and by default as per ‘freezer function’ lol – and there I would usually be the angry monkey that gets angry at her own consequences…. Really? Do I need to rehash the same consequence every single time?No, I could now laugh at replaying for myself this same scenario, really lol – and it’s no different to how we KNOW what consequences we create with certain experience inside us, how we don’t deal with things or understand things any better with ‘emotions’ yet we still bring it up! It’s like law of stupidity really and this is nothing else but what I declare as the last time I allow this to happen within and without me.

So yesterday was the time that I deliberately said, fuck no, here I am not focusing on these seemingly ‘justifiable moments’ of desperation, anger and just wanting to give up and instead keep moving, keep breathing, not blaming anything but entirely embracing the situation as My Creation.

Lol it was even funny how I knew that ‘it would eventually come off’ this large chunk of ice, and I knew that the more I ‘fought it’ the worse it would be, and yes…. That’s how it went. I left it for a moment, to warm up my hands and then gave it a second try, some more brusque movements and it came off. I just had to ‘cool down’ in my intent (figuratively, because I was actually very cold in that moment lol) and then give it a second go.

Well, the whole process yes took some 24 hours but at last now the fridge is free from thick layers of ice and I was able to change a very long pattern of me usually ending up angry and frustrated after this ‘clean up the compound freezer mess’ project that emerges periodically, because I haven’t yet made a clear decision to schedule a regular defrost of it and so prevent consequence.

So, lesson learned and the words to live by: consistency and diligence in both taking care of the consequence as one goes through the ‘piles’ that we’ve accumulated, while at the same time realizing that I can prevent these consequences by regular ‘defrost’ that is shorter in time and of course much simpler to take care of.  Patience with myself when finally deciding to ‘deal with the consequence’ and taking care of the situation, to not go into ‘hissy fits’ when seeing my own creation at the door of my fridge lol. Perseverance: not giving up on the project and believing that it’s ok to leave things ‘half way done’ – nope, keep breathing, keep ‘pushing’ until it is done. Embracing and acceptance of what I have created, Understanding how I came to procrastinate a clean up and so voilá! Here I create my own master piece of ice to deal with.

The next point will be to effectively remember to defrost it, and not use the stuff inside as an excuse to not do so, because practically speaking, it would not make much of a difference to have 3 hours of no ‘freezing mode’ for the food inside, as opposed to having to eat everything and leaving the whole thing to defrost for 24 hours… This is where Prevention as a living word comes: doing  the defrost regularly, and prevent the fuckup.

I commit myself to do the same with my mind, as points emerge, to not even allow them to ‘pile up’ but In the Moment, change, decide to breathe, decide to Prevent consequence – and if it is ‘too late’ and I’ve created consequence, to stand up to my creation, to deal with it in a directive manner which means, not throwing fits, not ‘thinking what I should have and should have not done’ or attempting to throw blames at the thing or others…. But entirely embrace the situation as my creation and deal with it the best and most effective way.

This might be a seemingly ‘uninteresting’ point but, it actually reflects a lot as to how I can be very diligent in many things, but there are ‘simple things’ that I have left just ‘slip out of my awareness’ and cause this mess every month or two months – or more, it has happened! – so, for once and for all to integrate all of these points within myself, to learn also from a better way to deal with consequence, but even better: to learn how to prevent it, within and without of myself.

Regular defrosting sessions with myself mean: writing, speaking self forgiveness in the moment as I know and experience that I am diving into a reaction, and do regular writings from my day to day to see what have I changed, what can I learn from the day, where did I see I was challenged in my stability and so establishing ways to continue assisting myself to improve, to stand up to things in a more apt manner.

Emotions, just like the stuck piles of frozen eyes in my freezer, are nothing else but these seemingly unnoticeable consequences that we create day by day, moment by moment in our lives and if we don’t do regular ‘defrosts’, man, it piles up to the point of ‘exploding’ – or in my freezer case, become icebergs – around a point and then sometimes we believe it’s too hard or difficult to face our creation, our experience, our consequences… but, it really is nothing else but our creation, so we need to stand up to it and be HERE in every moment, which means deciding to apply that moment to moment change, it is a decision, a deliberate decision that won’t emerge naturally from within ourselves. This is what I see change means to me, and nothing/no one else can do this for me, I owe it to myself. It’s a decision to live words instead of rehashing the same old ‘throwing a tantrum me’

Thanks for reading.

 

yellow-leaf-on-the-snow

 

Learn HOW to start Living Words for yourself:


448. The Witch

This movie by Robert Eggers (2015) is one of – if not – my favorite one that I’ve watched so far this year. Why I liked this movie is because it presents in a very simplistic set-up how the real horrors and ‘problems’ – or things we don’t understand – and paranoia are first and foremost created in the human mind. The ‘stars’ of the movie are the emotions taken to the level of what we call mind possession and psychosis that leads to essentially the death of an entire family. Here I understand that there’s a whole different level in which the movie can be ‘read’ as well in terms of the symbols, Satanism, the time in which the history is set up which is in the 17th century of puritans from the UK arriving to New England in America and the beliefs around witches as well, but here I’d like to focus more on observing the human mind and its influence on physical reality.

I recently listened to the audio ‘The Dark Mind’ in The Future of Consciousness series on Eqafe and this is a point that was mentioned: to realize the consequence that the mind can create on something that is real in this world, such as destroying relationships. And this is a seemingly simple statement, but it defines so much of what we’ve made of ourselves and what we’ve imposed onto this world based on our emotions, feelings, judgments, fears, opinions, beliefs and all of that combined becoming the decisive factor to do what we do or become what we become.

I can start with the role of the father of the family and how it was through his own pride and arrogance that he decides to leave the community that he was living in with his family  – the seven of them – and so ‘find his own way through’. It is with this decision that embark into a whole new space in the woods where food cannot really be grown, they have a hard time surviving and so that whole experience of lack starts leading the kids to dream of what it would be like to ‘live deliciously’ again, lol, how it was when they were in England and all the lifestyle they had and left behind, how they ran away to New England to not be prosecuted and continue prophesying a religion, which in itself is like going through their own ‘witch hunt’, very similar to what’s happening now with the world-paranoia on Muslims too, to name but one example.

So the religious factor is a key element here, and an example that can extend to any form of ‘self religion’ as a set of beliefs that  blind us from reality, creating all kinds of experiences like paranoia, fear, blame, guilt, hope, leading to the ultimate self-destruction and desperation in the characters of the movie upon seeing what is happening to them – starting off with their baby being robbed by the witch – and realizing that no matter how much they pray or hope that food grows, nothing and no one is coming to save them. This is something all of us can relate to when finally realizing that this world, our lives are our creation and they are entirely in our hands and there’s really no one coming to save us or said in another more straightforward way: there’s nothing to abdicate our responsibility to.

To me it’s still quite unbelievable to what extent people can STILL believe there is some force or god or saint ‘guiding their lives’ or ‘healing them’ and not being aware of at all how their lives are entirely the product of one’s own thoughts, words, deeds and so of our collective environment we all individually and collectively co-create. But! I once was there in that kind of mentality and it does take a process – time and practical application – to debunk these religious constructs within oneself to finally grasp to what extent we have created our own fairy tales like gods and guides and spirits looking after us just because we didn’t want to take absolute responsibility for ourselves, for our own creation and recognize ourselves as the creators of it all.

 

– Paranoia in the elemental unit of society: the family

 

A fascinating element is the paranoia that is created around the role of ‘the witch’ which I’d like to place it here as an archetype – more than the mythical role – that we’ve created as human beings to dissociate ourselves from any evil, from any bad and nasty ways of being and we instead have created these figures like ‘the devil’ or ‘the witches’ and ‘the demons’ because we are not willing to face these points within ourselves and our lives, and acknowledge it as part of our human nature, an aspect that comprises ‘who we are’ that we’ve mostly suppressed and hidden because we fear looking at it and realizing what really exists within ourselves. I consider that this is marvelously represented in this movie where you see these very pious and ‘well behaved’ individuals, very devoted, yet once that the emotional mind possession kicks in for various reasons in all of them, they lose ground and end up dead and killing each other as a result of it. Lol, I know this may sound harsh but after all this is meant to be a ‘horror’ movie and I would say it is psychological horror as in the horrors that we can create in our minds and impose onto physical reality causing such disgrace.

I actually see this movie not so much as a ‘look into the past’ – even though cinematographically its accuracy and representation can perfectly transport us to the 1600’s – but also as a representation of that same ‘human mind’ that hasn’t really evolved or changed for the better throughout time, it hasn’t evolved to become a tool with which we can become ‘better human beings,’ not yet, because it won’t happen by itself obviously, we have to actively do this change. If anything the state of our minds and so the world has gotten worse and in this very neat example of the outcomes with this puritan family in the 1600’s stands even as a prophecy of what can STILL happen if we keep placing our lives in the hands of our minds, our emotions, our fears and desires, waiting for some god or guide or light or universe or whatever to help out instead of taking responsibility for our own emotions, our own experiences, our own deepest and darkest secrets and desires that can ‘erupt’ in a very, very consequential manner if we don’t deal with them effectively, and only suppress them.

Part of what we see with very pious people is that there’s a hell of suppressed thoughts, feelings, emotions, essentially energy that is hidden at the back of our minds, that we don’t even want to see, face or recognize as our own because we judge it and because in religion one is constantly hoping for, praying for and venerating all that is ‘good’, yet when ‘the shit hits the fan’ in our reality of course all of that positive thinking won’t do a thing because what we need to do is to Understand and realize HOW we created ‘the problem’ and how we are co-creators of that situation, instead of standing as seemingly victimized ‘pawns of god’ that were suddenly punished by the invisible hand.

So if anything this movie can be taken to our current context to ask ourselves how much are we still delegating our responsibility in our lives, in our experiences, in how we deal with our consequences or ‘unfortunate’ events, where is one still blaming others – the devil, a witch, a god, a black goat – lol – or your partner, the government, your neighbor, your parents, a politician? Lol – and so instead learn how to ‘take the bull by the horns’ in our lives and realize that suppressing these emotions, these ‘problems’, hiding them and keeping a face of ‘everything is fine’ is only a time-bomb waiting to explode.

As we can see in the movie, all the tension is built in such a multi-dimensional/multi-faceted manner, that the idea of the witch is only but one ‘cherry on the cake’ to make it a psychological thriller if you will, based on the epoch it was situated in and so forth. But this is actually about the suppressed fears, pride, anguish, blame, survivalism, sexual desires n and the rest of points that one would have to actively be aware of, actively be opening up and directing in our lives because if hidden, suppressed and not dealt with = they can become our ‘worst nightmare’ as it is actually represented in the movie, where it is also quite symbolic to see that this seemingly ‘well together’ family starts falling apart and going into conflict with one another, yet suppressing it all until it becomes so much, this unstoppable ‘energy force’ that leads to fatal outcomes. Of course here relating to the actual energy that we create in our minds that then we listen to as thoughts in our heads and eventually act upon it based on this ‘overwhelming’ experience, where we essentially lose ourselves to the mind, and that’s where one becomes possessed and I guarantee that each one of us have experienced this same thing one way  or another.

An example is how upon seeing the outcome with the baby being stolen and Caleb – the son – being possessed, there’s a hidden blame toward the father that led the family out of the community, there’s a blame toward Thomasin – the daughter – for not being aware when the baby was stolen by ‘the witch’ and the resentment that exists in Thomasin when she finds out she’s going to be sold by her father in order to get the family some money; then there’s the wife/mother that is holding a grudge to the father for selling that silver cup to get some food, and in general the kids that started ‘praising the devil’ and becoming also possessed, which was represented in the form of being overtly playful which is something that also is attempted to be repressed based on the nature of their religion and ways as a family.

Caleb is also getting to have an awakening in his sexuality and eventually starts suppressing it, hiding it, not looking at it, only to entirely be tempted by it and ‘falling for it’ when it comes to being lured by the witch herself. The father fights his own inner demons trying to extricate himself through hard physical word, yet ends up having a fight with ‘the goat’ to the point of dying, because he ends up ‘losing it’ as in going mad within himself instead of understanding what he was facing and maybe placing his pride aside to go back to the community.  “Corruption, thou are my father” were his last words due to – possibly – having to admit he lied or didn’t speak up to the wife about him having stolen the cup and instead allowing the daughter to be accused of stealing it and being a witch and ‘bringing a curse to the family’.

 

And then we have Thomasin who is like the perfect example of how we can create our ‘self-fulfilled prophecies’ when it comes to being  called ‘the witch’ or having ‘made a deal with the devil’ which leads her to be placed into judgment by the entire family. We also see that she did feed the lies around it possibly, maybe due to boredom or a desire for some actual ‘super powers’ or a ‘better life’ or just to create an ‘alternate reality’ to avoid not facing the stark reality they were ‘trapped’ into. She ends up killing her mother as a way to defend herself which leaves her with no family members at all and so taking that last decision to ‘convert into a witch’ or ‘sign the deal with the devil’ also based on wanting to fulfill the desires that she had inside her.  I remember something like this happening to me where based on a certain image others had of me and called me a particular manner, I actually ended becoming ‘that’ as well as a form of self-fulfilled prophecy where we trap each other with judgments, and if one is not ‘standing on one’s ground’ enough, one accepts such tag upon oneself to become it entirely, which is obviously one of the problems we create in our relationships with people as well as with ourselves.

The final part of the movie we get the whole infamous part where the goat/devil/Black Phillip asks ‘do you want to live deliciously?’ and presenting her with a series of desires and wants that she had probably been dreaming of and aspiring to get in her mind, yet not fully understanding what it would mean to ‘sign the deal’ and get all of that and at what expense, which is not shown in the movie and I agree it does end in a way that glorifies this notion of empowerment through becoming a witch in that sense, which is not my point here at all.  We can instead see it nowadays with everyone that is made ‘rich and famous’ in music or entertainment industries and have to ‘sign the deal with the devil’ – literally in many ways – which involves sacrificing one’s life  or other living beings to get a certain experience, any form of ‘high’ that is sustained in an artificial manner…  but I won’t go into that story because it would be reaching other realms of realizing how ‘evil’ we all in fact are when only seeking our own personal interests at the expense of everyone and everything else, hence the recommendation to watch the movie to see an ‘extreme’ form of our human mind and how it is not such a far fetched situation, considering this kind of things happen every day if reading the local news and not so mainstream newspapers.

We might gasp and do ‘aaahs and ooohhs and eeewwws’ when we see the actual gruesome things that one human being can do to other living beings, but, we actually commit this sacrifice in our very own bodies every single day as well, every single time that we give directive control to our minds instead of learning to be self-honest and self directed, understand what self-restrain and self-control means when it comes to watching our thoughts, watching what kind of ‘desires’ we are fueling, what kind of experience are we ‘wishing upon’ toward oneself and others, that’s what we have to become self honest about: to face the grime within ourselves, to learn how to walk through it and so be able to live with ourselves, with our minds in a supportive and co-creative manner.

So as a conclusion on the final ‘conversion’ of Thomasin into a witch, I’d like to see it as a representation of how there’s always that potential in all of us to either decide or make the choice of what one wants in to live in one’s life and what one is willing to do to get it, regardless of it being ‘good or bad’ but rather identifying the practicality of such desires and wishes.  So there was that potential in Thomasin from the beginning to ‘go to the dark side’ but not just in ‘her’ but in everyone else as it was demon-strated throughout the movie.

Every character faced their own possession and so their own outcomes based on it, which is what I find makes this movie so fascinating and a one-of-a-kind seemingly ‘simple’ story where we actually get to see precisely these consequences that we create upon physical reality based on what we accept and allow to go unquestioned, undirected and deliberately suppressed, hidden or buried in ourselves. And not realizing that this will ultimately ‘come back to the surface,’ and we rather be prepared how to face it or prevent it all by embracing, understanding and learning how to work through our ‘dark self, our dark mind’, learn how to effectively change and align that part that exists in all of us – no one is excluded – and so prevent real physical consequences that are and can be in ultimate sense irreversible as well.

We can be blinded by our own fears, beliefs and opinions instead of dealing with it as our own creation, to realize that the devils, the demons, the ‘dark’ and ‘evil’ is not an outside or external force, but it exists within us all. If we surrender to our minds and its demons and evil  – as everything that stands as the reverse of live – and only seek a form of self-interest, we also are making that decision to give away our sovereignty, our self-governance and self-direction, ending up ‘sign that deal’ to give up all self-creation to that part of ourselves as the mind that we all know is not the best version of ourselves, the one part that is trapped seeking energetic experiences all the time, an ultimate ‘high’ of any kind, which is ultimately what the ‘real witch’ in the movie seems to do, to sacrifice a baby for some kind of experience of beauty or ‘super powers’ = same as what we tend to focus on creating with our feelings and emotions or energy in our minds.

We don’t realize that this ‘temptation’ is actually compromising ourselves, yet we ‘give in’ when we are presented with ‘the temptation’ and usually masked as something we enjoy, we desire, we want to ‘fulfill’ with ourselves, but we don’t look at what or how we are compromising ourselves to get it, and in an ultimate sense what do we want to honor in our lives: an experience, an appearance, a status? Or who we really are in our thoughts, words and deeds as living beings?

So something practical to remind ourselves as human beings is how we all agreed to be part of the human body and this reality based on the promise of ‘experiences’ of having this really ‘good time’ on Earth, and so ‘signing the contract’, agreeing to be in the body and in this life on Earth as a human, not really knowing what the hell we were getting ourselves into.  And the same goes nowadays when we are lured by money, power, sex and pleasure, all the ‘seemingly good experiences’ and not really realizing if that’s where the real substance of life is, if that’s what we really want to make of ourselves and our lives.  Just consider what Caleb could have prevented if he wasn’t lured by the seemingly astonishing appearance of the witch, only to later on realize the gruesome experience he was going to go through, which led him to his dead.

I consider it very timely to discuss and open up these points and ‘darker subjects’ in our process where these phases are opening up in Eqafe interviews – some I am listing below – and a practical thing to take on from the movie is to ask ourselves, what do we still fear facing or opening up within ourselves, what are we still giving too much ‘power’ and attention in our minds that we know it’s not beneficial for us, what are we still allowing to have as a form of temptation within us and not seeing it for the ‘energetic experience’ we are seeking, why we are desiring it or seeking it and learn to deliberately ‘take the spell away’ and see it ‘for what it  is’ and apply self-direction, self-restrain and self-control to handle this….

I leave a link to the hangout/discussion we had on this movie as well and definitely suggest to check it out. It’s not your typical ‘horror movie’, it’s a really well made movie, a one of a kind that I haven’t seen in a long time, so, enjoy it and enjoy taking these points of the movie back to yourself.

 

the-witch

 

Suggested Interviews, to prevent yourself from having your own ‘Witch’ experience in real life:

– The entire series of Demons in the Afterlife, for everyone fascinated and/or interested in the actuality of the demon world.

 

 

 

 


447. Interacting with the News/Media: from Helplessness to Personal Empowerment

For some reason, things have become a lot clearer these days for me and I can also say to not be alarmed when one doesn’t seem to have the ‘right words’ or ‘ways’ to express something. Sometimes things take time to be reflected on at an individual level, only to then after some time of testing things out be able to share about it with more self-authority and a certain ease in expression, which is also something that emerges after one has been discussing/reflecting and making notes about the subject while living it out in reality for some time too.   

I share an example here. I see that one source of continuous stability whenever getting to know information or becoming aware of the majority of problems in the world – faced in the worst forms of human creations like wars, famine, corruption, abuse, violence, hatred, harm, confusion, deception, injustice, manipulation, despotism etc. – is in fact the ability to reflect these events and situations we see as ‘news’ for example within the realization and understanding that all of this that is coming up to the surface, is the externalization and re-creation of everything that has existed in our own minds. What does this mean? The world, all the ‘events’ taking place, all the disgrace, misfortune, suffering, betrayal, corruption…. And the long list of it are created through and by the attitudes, behaviors, emotions and accumulated suppressions that are now being exerted as our expression, our nature, our creations that are becoming more and more ‘in our faces’ to see what is it that we’ve become as creators in this world.

I’ve realized how over time and practice this becomes a natural way to approach information and browse through the news or get to see all the turmoil coming up in the world in all types of ways from the individual aspects like mental instabilities, stress, anger, diseases, self-sabotage, addictions, up to the ‘greater problems’ like corruption, deception, despotism transformed into wars, famine, violence, abuse… I know firsthand how it is at times hard to keep oneself stable upon diving into the deep corridors and crevasses of our reality, whether it is in the form of current grim news or getting to know more in depth mechanisms of how our world-system operates.  I have been deliberately applying a more objective or reflective stance when reading this information in order to embrace this reality as myself.

What does that practically mean? Instead of becoming reactive about the absolute absurdity we can encounter on ‘how the world system works’ right now, I instead interact with this information and deliberate do the exercise of tracing such actions and reactions to their source and origin, which is always a human being, a human mind, a person that individually or collectively has co-created a particular detrimental or destructive outcome for themselves and others. In essence, I’ve practiced a constructive form of ‘reading the news’ and translating them into an exercise of ‘reading a person’s mind’ or intent and then seeing how that also relates to me, to every one of us that has in one way or another, to varying degrees, lived that same abusive stance toward our own lives.

If this is a new perspective for you, you might be thinking ‘No way! I am not a psychopath! Not at all like those people that are called ‘politicians’ and dare to do those heinous acts, I am a decent person!’ and here I’d say hold back for a moment and let me explain, because we definitely love to ‘fight’ any realization about our own nature, we tend to immediately deny it because… who would really like to realize that we are one and equal with – oh boy, here I’ll use the trendy people that are being used as human piñatas – Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump? They are both human beings representing actually what exists in the majority of our mind and exponentially showing what ‘we are capable of’ when directing our intent to any form of personal interest.

An example on this is that I just heard a woman explaining chemtrails and associating this practice to be ordered or mandated by people that are ‘surely psychopathic’ in nature, said in a tone that is usual when we want to denote the problem only existing outside of ourselves. I’ve noticed this is one preferred term to be used to point out the ‘ludicrous’ nature of ‘them’ or ‘those’ that can devise such creation. Even if I understand that this is in essence a regular reaction to this kind of situations where ‘no one knows what it is and who is doing it,’ the aim and objective in this back to self approach when watching news or information about things we don’t regularly get to know of in our ‘main media,’ is to precisely not give into the same stance of ‘us vs. them’ mentality to place the culprits separate from us.

Instead, give one step further to investigate what is this creation as ‘chemtrails’ actually denoting or reflecting about our own current consciousness-nature as humans, what does its existence represent? And why haven’t each one of us actually truly embodied the honor and respect for life that we are demanding in to those ‘behind the curtains’ for? Why haven’t we in fact yet lived such honor and respect to our own bodies and lives in an absolute manner? Hence a single word like calling another a ‘psychopath’ which means “a person suffering from chronic mental disorder with abnormal or violent social behavior” in fact can represent all of us, since neither of us has absolutely lived as a ‘second coming of Jesus’ in the flesh to be so pure and self-honest to absolutely say and be able to stand by the words: ‘I do not act against life in any moment’.

I know firsthand as well how we like to keep ourselves in the ‘good light’ as the ‘good lights’ that research and dig out all the problems and in doing so, believe that we are digging out other’s problems and consequences, but ‘Not Mine At All!’ and that’s where we have to step down of our horses and actually live and apply humbleness, real understanding. If anyone reading this considers that they truly and absolutely honor life in every moment and every breath, I’d say it’s great, but maybe some further insight into what that would absolutely mean change one’s perspective, because there’s a ton of processes that take place in every moment in our bodies and minds that we are not aware of at all and are abusive in nature, yet we believe that ‘we only do good’ which is as well one of those masks one has to be willingly able to question and challenge if anything to then dive into the real nature of ourselves.

This is to simply say that according to what I’ve become aware of and lived in my own body: as long as we hold a mind in a body as a human being = we surely have a way to go in truly learning to honor our very own breath of life.

Therefore, what happens when calling others ‘psychopaths’  is that we create a comfortable shield to ‘look away’ from oneself, point fingers, blame, maybe provide some relevant information, but this approach where an ‘us’ vs. ‘them’ is created keeps us all going in circles without any solution, because there’s no actual self-reflection to ponder what the existence of ‘chemtrails’ reveal about ourselves, our interests, our nature, the consciousness or principles behind it, what for? What are the fears that have driven another human being like me to create such thing? And so be able to reflect such patterns, behaviors, interests back to self, to see that any of those people that ‘created’ chemtrails doesn’t have a different mind to ours, doesn’t belong to another ‘existence’ to do it, ‘they’ are still motivated by the same fears and desires as any other human being and yes, that includes me and you, no question about it.

What does this approach of ‘interacting’ with the news to read the human nature behind certain events imply? Well, it implies that after reading a particular article or hearing/watching certain information, any ‘fact’ that may be placed in any type of news I practice ‘bringing it back to myself’ =  I translate it to see what fears drove that person/organization to act or decide to do or not do a certain thing? What kind of experience was sought in doing/not doing it? What kind of mind patterns and behaviors were present in the creation or eventual consolidation of a particular outcome? What is this ‘world event’ or ‘news’ showing me about what we are as humans – our current human nature – what are we accepting and allowing and so (re)creating? 

And then I consider potential outcomes for solutions asking myself: what could be done in order to prevent this kind of outflow or consequence? What could have been provided to this/that person or group of people to consider other ways to fix their problem? What other previous causes/problems had to exist in order to create this consequence or problem and so, how can we focus on the origin and cause of those problems instead of only dealing with the surface consequence? This includes also considering what kind of solutions, support and assistance could prevent or change the origin and so outcome of this event/situation?

This approach is something I’ve been practicing because of being one of those people that would get trapped in the polarity of wanting to be ‘super informed’ about everything and all, like ‘sucking the news feed dry’ lol and then getting to a point of being ‘too fed up with everything’ becoming a bit paranoid at times, feeling disempowered and helpless/hopeless about the state of affairs of our world,  focusing ‘too much’ on the ‘out there’ and not really that much on the right-here as myself, my mind, my own patterns and behaviors which in my life led me to focus on certain evasive activities that became too confusing, sometimes destructive and keeping myself in a loop of feeling depressed and seeing ‘no way out’ for ourselves as human beings in this world.

Therefore, upon taking into consideration the realization that everything that I see around me as this world is myself/ourselves, it opens up both the door to understand the problems and so the solutions.

What becomes a prominent realization is the actual ‘evil’ in the world-system, which of course we can already explain as the evil that exists in each one of us that has become as the ‘nature of the system’ because of who we are and what exists within each one of us as the main ‘actors’ or players in this reality. Here when it comes to finding out the ‘nefarious’ and ‘draconian’ system we’ve created, I recommend to learn how to self-forgive. Because, if this entire reality is my reflection and creation, there is nothing and no one that will come and fix it, there is no punishment or vengeance that will ever sort it out except for learning to self-forgive our mistakes and abuses, individually and collectively, and so walk the process to take responsibility for such ‘evil’ within myself – which interestingly enough can be first denied, feared, neglected, then with time and perseverance to get to a self-honesty stance within oneself, can be opened up at an individual level to then – once that it is individually admitted and confronted through learning how to self-forgive: understanding what kind of behaviors, thoughts, fears can lead to oneself to think in ‘evil’ ways or ways that reverse the growth and potential of life – rather focus on first learning how to give myself another opportunity to correct my ways, my behavior in a way that becomes genuinely supportive for me and others, essentially being the living example of the kind of people I see is very much needed in this world.

This method comes with practicing a solution-based mindset throughout this process of self-support and self-responsibility, integrating the living principles that precisely rely on the consideration of what is best for all at this core and essential level that we all are existing as, which is life, existing in an equal-substance within everything and everyone. These realizations – with time and practice – become an active filter so to speak, through which I decide to actively see/look and understand what is ‘happening’ in the world, enabling me to take a more directive role in reflecting and so understanding the problems, looking at the possible solutions, the potentials to what we could create if our focus, attention, drive and determination is geared to genuinely do and create that which is best for all, not seeking to have others ‘do it’ and ‘change’ out there, but starting with oneself here.

It might sound an ‘easy’ thing to do on paper, but there are challenges that one can face when deciding to approach the world events and situations with this particular understanding. One of the obstacles is our own, dare I say, addiction to problems, to conflicts, to opposing, to being emotionally negative for example which was my case too. In my mind I was thriving to see everything just too dark, too complex to see any ‘way out’, which would feed my own sense of disempowerment and helplessness and worry as well as I have explained in previous posts. This then can be transcended (trance-ended) through getting out of – becoming directive in my mind and so body – my own brainwash of feeding emotions and instead, do something that is a rather ‘challenging’ thing to do for a person like me, which is to focus on the potential: what exists as a possibility and capacity to change within each human being, the potential that exists in the functioning of our entire system if the rules/regulations/laws/structures that we place as human beings would in fact be geared to honoring and supporting each one’s live to thrive, for all, regardless of races, languages, imaginary boundaries or creeds. In any sane mentality this sounds like the most simple thing to do, but I’ve found that in my case this is precisely the key to my own ‘deprogramming’ so to speak, and at the same time one of those challenging points to breakthrough.

Here, this relates also to the process of ‘turning one’s weakness into strength’ – example: If I saw that my usual knee-jerk reactions to seeing the state of affairs in this world was that of depression, sadness, worry, helplessness, hopelessness, seeing now way out, blame or covert ways of blame, anger and general destructive behavior towards myself and also in intent toward others, then it means I can turn all of that into a constructive way of approaching the same ‘state of current affairs’ and change the ways and attitudes with which I see reality unfold, and actually do something about it starting with myself in the way I co-create and participate in it.

What does ‘turning my weakness into strength’ means here? Developing a deliberate purpose for myself, my life to instead of giving up to see any ‘potential’ in this world, to rather prove first to myself that ability to change in my own life, in my own ‘ways and patterns’ which means turning my usual depression, hopelessness, helplessness, sadness into a solution-based mindset, using my critical or analyzing skills to understand the problem and at the same time seeing possible ways through and solutions, stopping myself deliberately from going into a form of blame and instead remind myself every time that ‘them’ and ‘those’ that I am pointing the finger at are nothing else but the greatest teachers and examples of what we have all collectively created and existed as human beings: they are Myself as well so I cannot go judging, blaming, hating myself, because I’ve proven that it leads nowhere. If anything that’s also one of the points why the whole ‘conspiracy theorist’ syndrome is an important one to debunk, where one gets so much information that one either becomes entirely helpless/hopeless and depressed to do anything about themselves and their reality around – giving up on life essentially – or they create a peculiar ‘antagonist’ stance that claims to stand for what is ‘best for everyone’ but! It just might not include the ‘ones that they point fingers as the culprits for everything!’ lol… and so the ball keeps rolling where there is no real forgiveness, no real understanding even in the groups, factions, associations and people that might have a good intent in creating a system, a solution that works for everyone, but as long as there’s any inkling of antagonizing others, a system, a person, a foundation of our reality =  we are prone to recreate the same war mentality.

 I’ve actively walked through these points toward people that I have openly judged on say YouTube for their solutions being ‘not exactly supportive’ – which I am also now in a completely different stance currently in my life around that – and also towards certain people in positions of power that I held a considerable amount of disdain too, exposing it to myself and others in my group of support to then flag the point back to myself to see how silly it is to create my own ‘human piñatas’ to blame and hate for all the ‘bad stuff’ going in the world, instead of realizing they are me as well, they are my mirror (my-error) and point to reflect on. Here again, I rather actively see what do they represent about myself, about ourselves as human beings that I can then work on aligning and correcting within me first, which starts with stopping this form of blame/anger/disdain toward ‘others’ I have placed the finger on as ‘culprits’ of anything. It goes back to self, not to ‘blame’ myself but to rather understand the futility of blame and instead turn it into a realization of self-responsibility.

What does this practically mean? To first see towards what or who in my life have I abdicated my own responsibility for – a god, ‘the mind,’ the system, my parents, my society, politicians, information, a ‘creator’ – to evade looking within me as the origin of the problem and so the solution. I’ve realized how it is only through actively doing this that one is no longer able to ‘see the problem out there’ as foreign or external to one’s own nature, because one can immediately recognize the same pattern/behavior others present as one’s own and so, what one can actively decide to live or what emerges within oneself is a form of humbleness or understanding towards others as to why they do what they do and why they are who they are.

This in turn becomes a constructive way of looking at things, a non-judgmental way of approaching the deeds and ways that others can present that we usually have either a ‘good’ or ‘bad’ reaction to, which keep us all polarized in the ‘pro’ and ‘anti’ this or that. Part of learning how to see the current reality through this new constructive filter of understanding and self-responsibility, is to not judge, to not see through morality, but to effectively learn to read the cause and consequences, actions and reactions and see them for what they are only, for the sheer purpose of understanding, learning from them and so then apply the personal interactive process of ‘taking the point back to self’ to see where and how have I done, lived or applied the same ways/patterns and reactions in my life that have also (re)created consequential outflows that cause problems in my life and that of others.

So in essence this is how from a form of disempowerment that can exist in some of us – or most of us – as a programmed form of self-limitation to give up, to wallow into the problem, to not see ‘ways out’, to feel numb, to feel inferior to ‘the powers that be’ or to feel like a ‘rat in a cage,’ one can instead decide to see the problems/situations objectively, through actively dispelling the fog and smokescreen of emotions like anger, sadness, fears, worries, helplessness, hopelessness and disempowering into seeing and recognizing the ‘main actors’ as another aspect/reflection of oneself that needs alignment, that needs correction and ultimately to realize that it can be cured/corrected/aligned or led toward a solution if some living principles or living words are ‘prescribed’ as the treatment, cure or antidote for any form of world-system disease, which of course in fact originates and emerges from… ourselves!

 

So it is so: as within so without. Therefore learning to self-forgive all of the mess that we see reflected as our world is a first way to learn to understand the problems, recognize our responsibility and so take an active role in changing ourselves from within, to eventually manifest this as our without, as the world.  

Instead of becoming overwhelmed, sad, depressed, disempowered from a wide awareness of all the things going on in people’s lives in this world, rather to focus and stick to the potential we all hold to be the solutions, to change our ways, to decide to benefit the whole instead of  only focusing on our selfish interests, to decide to challenge our ‘ingrained ways’ and do the actual self-work, self introspection and practical active engagement in self-change to be a creative force in this world, rather than a (self) destructive one.  

I embrace these living principles as the new ‘filter’ through which I decide to see my life, the ‘news’ in this world, my relationships, my own consequences and challenges and do so until this ‘new way’ becomes in fact the ‘new me’/ my new nature that also allows me to stand more as my own potential, which in turn enables me to see the potential in others as well, which is simply a result of doing and applying this to myself first.

Isn’t this a great way to start actually living life? I’d dare you to test this out and I warn you here not to hear the voices in the head that may say: “it’s not working, it feels wrong, I don’t like seeing the ‘good’, I don’t like all this ‘positivity’!” Because this is not at all a usual ‘positive spin’ or going to the ‘opposite pole’ type of solution here, but simply referencing a more self-responsible and interactive way to participate in and co-create our lives, to be really empowered and have it in our own hands so to speak.

Dare to challenge the ‘same old you’ every day upon seeing ‘the news’ or ‘state of affairs’ of your own life and that of everything/everyone in this world and see what comes out of it.

 

Thanks for reading.

 

Learn HOW to start doing this yourself :

 

Rumbos Inciertos 06

 

Other blogs to check out on the topic:

386. War Crimes are Born in the Mind
401. How to Live a ‘Change in Consciousness’?
2012 Can Self Interest be Common Sense?
Day 3– De-Capital-I-zing Me
Dysfunctional Minds

%d bloggers like this: