I once went nuts – yes

Slept 5 hours, spent time watching some videos desteni sent. I had already watched them but somehow i felt like the message got different this time to my current understanding. watched some other’s structural resonances and then went into chat and I really enjoyed being there now. I think is just so cool to be able to express yourself through written words and get to know people in the same way and become open books together and we realize we will be together in this for quite some time and we are all one indeed so it’s really awesome. Because! when i first began watching all the videos i went nuts and i went into depression and i became so angry at a point because i didn’t allow myself to get feedback and get into forums without me having gone through most of it all. SO i basically confronted myself with this whole new scheme of reality and getting rid of my most beLIEved things on life… and I really never thought that others like me could support me. Now… totally different story, how awesome is having these people around, knowing they understand, they are part of it in awareness, they are there for dialogue, feedback, understanding, but mostly to support each other. So that’s grreat

I realize i don’t always only do sf in here but it’s because i like spreading myself through words then noticing each point. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely too much on desteni private forum members.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create myself a secure circle of people where i can express and talk about process, therefore, feeling part of a group.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel being special for being part of desteni and private forum.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus too much on everything moving, swaying and not allowing me to focus on each and everysingle breath.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge me for not getting jokes fast in chat or forum.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take everything too serious at times.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that some expression from matti in his latest video isn’t quite genuine.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear design changes in youtube.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think or perceive that my surroundings aren’t as nature friendly/beautiful as other forum members places show in videos.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to goof too much around chat today
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to force myself to get out of chat in order to have lunch with amanda this eveneing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience frustration for not having power light while i had been in chat this morning. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to depend that much on electricity
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on chat in order to know that i’m not alone in this
I forgive myself that i haven’t accepted and allowed myself to understand that no man is an island
I forgive myslf that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience comfortability being in the presence of others at chat, therefore, not feeling “alone”
I forgiv emyself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel loneliness at some point.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire/wanting/needing to get to the essence/core of messages as fast as possible.

So! I had to finally expose some topic about movies and feminism.. I had to explain according to one reading how unconscious mind gets developed according to Jacques Lacan, other Freud stuff and that kind of things.. I said what was required to say.. but i said i was going to put my scoop on it all and i did talk about how we get manipulation from movies, portraying certain rols and putting ideologies into ourselves without even noticing.. .some people were like really interested and i think they got something out of me talking. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that actually people in class took something out of my words. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowe dmyself to feel flattered by some girls applauding after the exposition was over. i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel the necessity to talk about other stuff beyond the reading over which we had to talk about. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel anxious/nervous before and while i was talking in front of class.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel “good” about sharing some knowledge with people in my class. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experienc emyself in a flirtatious way today.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be visually attracted to two guys in drawing class. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire being flirtatious within myself for those guys to notice me.
ALthough sometimes i realize that’s liek something I am… and i only had heard this from ariam once before, him saying i was a flirty girl, like innocent kind of way, not the obvious way. So i forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myseflf to create myself an image of innocense in order to believe I am innocense
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as saying too much out of topic today.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become irritated while talking about hte system we’re living as in movies, gtoday
why am I  falling asleep huh
i forgive myuself that I have accepted and allowedmyself to believe my tummy in my lower belly is result of fear constructs within and as me
I forgive myself that I havea ccepted and allowed myself to fear responsibilities.
Talked with amanda an hour ago how i got rid of all my white light system beliefs when i dsicovered it was all bulshit, the story and belief or god etc. so that is cool to realize.
I want to sleep right now. I am going but there’s more to come for sure.. thanks

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About Marlen

I'm a human being that has decided to live by the principle of Life in Equality and place myself as a point of support for everyone that's willing to birth themselves as Life in this world. View all posts by Marlen

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