I enjoy very much this moment of the day .- night, I sit with keyboard and screen and write my day out, to clear myself from any moment I didn’t apply myself during the day although today I have reviewd myself in a cleared and detailed way with the sitaution that has been absorbing myself as the mind which is school etc. Done with it, I’ll walk through it, all frustration and desperation is the mind and I know it, I’ve always known it and I had to get to this point to rea lize, hey! wait a minute! this is silly! I am not these frustrations, I am not this despair, I am not dismay, I am not anger, i am not disappointment; I am not fear, I am not defined by school experience, I am not defined by knowledge, I am not defined by information, I am not defined by rules of this society, I am not defined by who I have to ‘be’ of this world
I am not of this world – though I stand one and equal to all to not be affected and determined by it.
I have been watching past interviews again, I enjoy fairies very much and I just watched one where fairy explains how oneness and equality begins in the breath, so how are we ever going to apply ourselves by not being here as the breath?
Why do I suddenly decided to watch this old interviews? Because I realized that listening the same message in different ways makes me ‘get it’ and so it is like a renewal to what is it that I’m doing at the moment, why am I not only existing here as breath.
Self forgiveness written in a rather explicit way towards the school thing, I was already getting too tired of it – wonder why I got it to compound until no more and so, at the moment as I write I’m calm, tranquil about this…. it’s not resigned either, but a sense of let’s get through this moment by moment. Why do I got the sense of oooh it’s too much my life and everyone’s life as me in this world all as one! Because of going forward in time and that is severe mind fuck, there’s no way we will sort this out if we are living in future placements of what may happen.
I had this very ingrained since I was a little girl, mother used to joke about this, that I would always be living in the future in ‘what ifs’ and wanting to know what we were going to do tomorrow or next week, etc. The need to be controlling the next moment, to make sure a future moment would exist, damn, how it controlled my life ever since a little girl
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having existed within and as future moments ever since I was a little girl
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as wonder and curiosity of the mind towards a future moment where I would experience myself in a defined and controlled/ planned way
Ok so, after the despair that I experienced for the school thing etc, I pushed through and wrote it all down as self forgiveness and, damn, I am clear at the moment. I had the little breakdowns but really, it’s very fascinating seeing how my breakdowns are not able to be any longer than 5 minutes – no kidding – the ranting, rumbling inside the mind may last longer but yes, loops, not applying immediately is the worst mistake I can make, and I don’t know why or how but I realize at the moment that I went through this poodle of mud that I’ve just gotten myself out of, somehow… it ‘feels’ like that and I enjoy very much this experience. Lol seeing my frustration from another perspective, really, lol why on earth did I took so long to write all that in SF? Maybe waited for experience to compound? how silly of me, Ok here is the reminder to apply in the moment no matter what, because I had been having these self direction hesitations and not knowing how or why or when etc. .. let’s write it all down no matter how silly, how system stuff it is, thats’w why writing’s here: to let it all out, let all the shit go out!
In other topics, great keys have been given by Anu in both interviews. Surprised I was that he did two on a row in one single day, despite what enlil had said the other day. Well, I certainly realized how much I placed hope and importance to the ‘spirit’ of who I was before, meaning, not taking too much into consideraton the human physical body because I considered merely a vehicle to move around here but, not who I am per se. Now, we know, the human physical body is the key, the physical is the key, who woul’dve known? Yes this world is in reverse that’s one of the first things I understood going through desteni material. From consciousness to awareness, what a perfect title for this process as Alice Bailey’s story, amazing. I can’t never get enough realizations every day, I realized. Ok, I can’t rely on having cool stuff coming out from desteni everyday and make it a reason to keep enjoying this life, but hey, there I get real knowledge that is able to be applied in every moment, practical living! why aren’t schools about that? why aren’t there any kind of places where , beyond beinga phychologist , one could learn common sensical stuff and make a living change in this world.
Certainly, the practical application phase of oneness and equality requires first the establishment of trust within self, the individual process to set ourselves in our location point so then, we are able to move as one and equal as life. One and equal as Life as the Breath.
During my 5 minute breakdown I was talking the fern and I said ‘I want to be like a plant, just be!, I would love to experience myself as a tree and watch sunsets everyday, the breeze and breathe’ Really If I got the opportunity sometime I would do that.
I remember when I told someone at school about ‘stopping the mind’ they said: ‘whaaat? you want us to die? to be like vegetables?’ Lol, how limited is human mind, how programmed it is to think believe and perceive that having no thoughts, no feelings and no emotions is not living, how limited I was!! I can’t believe it. That’s why I enjoy very much watching videos again after some time of appying myself, because I see how my understanding of the information is more clear because I’ve applied that, and I’m seeing many differences from the first moment I got to watch desteni videos. I can’t believe how greatful I am for all the videos, for all the articles and the forum, specially the forum. It certainly made me dare to apply myself by seeing how REAL people would already be applying self forgiveness and so on. Sometimes I do regret not having found desteni before because back then, dimensions and B’s participation was so near, very cool and fortuante the beings that got to be there, though, we’ve got the material available which is great.
I ‘ve been wondering why everything’s so quite from visitors there, well I stop the wondering, it will get me nowhere!
So after I wrote SF I pushed myself to read what I had to read, write what I had to write for school and it was ok, breathed while reading that information, breathed while writing and creating reading reports…
I had an interesting experience, well two. While writing extensive sf on school thing, I fell asleep almost at the end of the first part I wrote, I have no idea how long I slept but funny is that when I woke up, I know my mind was applying sf in dream state lol, I woke up and realized I was going ‘ I forgive myself that I have…… ‘ and then after reading all the stuff and done with part of homework, I just laid on my bed and watched the ceiling move again and then I tried expansion meaning, considering myself as all that I see here in my room, interesting exercise, really to be here as the breath and in the body but also being what I see.
So, the thing that surprised me really was Anu’s interviews towards explaining what is the real deal about the human physical ‘form’ as he says and how the key is here, we are already it and we are merely supprsing it by mind interference, how easy it sounds but how complicated it gets at times. It’s so easy to understand once out of the mind set, same thoughts cloud the experience at times
Also the importance on this process for children to come, meaning, us to come, you to come. this world will keep turning and we have to get our asses in gear, let’s get rid of any mindset that could or is holding us down because that isn’t real, all that I am is in this body here, all that I see is through my eyes and it’s 2 dimensional. All I can be is already here as all, what else do I have to ask for? THe key is so simple, I cannot ever forget this again, we won’t allow it all to just go back in endless cycles, no way! we won’t alllow this no matter what we do no matter what we have to give up, stop etc. As Joe said in the thread, the important thing is me, you, us as one and equal, process we are it all is implied.
I’m here as the moment at the moment.
till next time, thanks
what is a table four? stability