Interesting. A. my roommate/ flatmate confused the day thinking that ‘today was my bday’ and she bought me this very cool plant flower.. I’ll post some pic someday. I went to workshop and the guy that is in charge of it was nice enough to tell me that he was going to be arriving 20 minutes late.. well almost like an hour late but yeah the deal is that I worked all morning on that with the acids and etching, very interesting process and I enjoy. I enjoy being with that guy as well because he’s precise and he’s ‘clean’ lol well from the perspective of getting things done the ‘right’ way. Yes though I keep the situation as not being ‘friends’ and merely workshop parteners, he’s the one that could possibly be my ‘teacher’ at the moment so it’s weird situation and he’s probably about my age or a year older than me.. . Yes so dedicated people there. It was cool because he got me a locker for myself in that workshop which isn’t ‘such an easy thing’ considering the amount of people in there etc. I guess it’s bgecause I do take things seriously and if I go to workshop I don’t go to socialize or eat in there lol, yes some people do eat in there or play their music lol. it’s all cool though, part of the deal.
So I enjoyed that and i would’ve kept going but I had plans on leaving today for ‘home’ and so I did. next week I won’t have classes on monday and tuestday because of ‘independence days’ lol! suuure
Anyways. I opened myself up a bit because I realized some stuff because of the current experience of myself and how changed I was… though I wasn’t realizing that I was defining me according to ‘i’m in process’ when it’s not that i’m IN but I am and we all are in process, so no need to worry. At least I’m getting the whole experiece it takes to develop an image through etching and all those processes and antique ways very interesting and cool and, yes have to be careful about relationships with people there. I realize that it’s easy to know why we musn’t get into relationships- simple. separation and that equals suffering. for ALL
I got period today and it was cool that I got to sit during the time in metro/train to get my bus, It was actually nice today i got to be with ‘gentlemen’ today. This guy at workshop is sort of like that, like the ‘good guy’ lol so that’s why I like it. And then at train/metro this man lets me sit on his for the ride and I was greatful for that. Then in bus I had a quite nice man sitting next to me, very gentle and considerated and i WAS LIKE fuck! lol I had totally forgotten how it was to be ‘cared’ for by a man, by someone, really like all those ‘considerations’ of do you want this? does this bother you? have my sit! yes…. let’s say today was the day of “the gentlemen”.
I remember how I used to say that I would like to be with ‘tough guys’ etc, NOT gentlemen etc. So my ‘wishes’ came true and my relationships were with these guys who were gentlemen as well but not the ‘clear cut’ ones Why my attraction or fondness for ‘gentleman? Because they give “an important place/ their deserved place” to women? Seriously that man in the bus just ‘inspired’ me confidence like I even talked to him a bit and I rarely do that really. he even wished me ‘good luck and take care’ when he left lol that is very odd here specially in people from this city. Oh because, i probably haven’t talked about the people in THIS city specifically. They are well known throughout the country as very ‘snob’ people, picky, hmm conceited? could be and mostly because of ‘traditional people’ from here who are basically very religious/wealthy and with foreigner roots people that created business and got themselves to be part of ‘high society’ here. Those are the real poblanos. And so, usually people here are more closed and looking over the shoulder than in any other part of country, quite closed and very VERY religious. One small city/town called cholula which is nearby the city, owns more thatn 365 churches imagine “they used to say that it was one for each day of the year… very obvious though because it was a prehispanic ceremonial place that city/ area so conquerors merely imposed themselves with such an amount of temples in that city.
Well those agreement and relationship videos merely ‘stir’ stuff within me and it’s not that cool because I realized that I have this twisted idea of agreement being like a relationship, being with someone you ‘like’ etc…
I just talked with ‘mother’ again a bit about school and what I do, it was ok… let’s see how the whole school thing develops though, I see I had been missing very cool parts of it like creating that for myself, developing my ‘personality’ around there, etc.
I forgive myselft that I accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that i enjoy ‘men’ that are ‘gentlemen’ only
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allwoed myself to bet the ‘need or desire’ to experience myself with a man that way constinuously because it give me a sense of ‘stability’ within and as me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I could only like gentleman because of them giving a ‘place’ to another woman
I forgive myself that I have acceteda ¿and allowed myself to construct the idea of myself according to my experience with men that i deem as ‘being gentlemen’
Ouch I’m going to sleep. I wante dto sleep in bus but I watched crappy movie on england’s queen.. progpaganda movie. Anyways i didn’t get to sleep even though it was quite a ‘tired’ day in a way but I enjoyed. Thanks and greatful I’m here.