O beeehh y

Hi hello

Catching up with pf and reading and I see how I’ve been experiencing myself similar to others, there are some posts that also surprised me due to their self honesty content which is very very very cool. Also applied SF out loud along with some of those posts as well as adding my own experiences within that. I specifically did sf on OBEY which I’ll share here. Obedience is linked to authority, sticking to rules that are apparently made to go through the ‘good way’ and so, I was very (or still am) quite conditioned within this right/wrong according to rules, to what ‘must’ or ‘musn’t’ be done etc, which simply relies on polarity, therefore, quite a fuckup set up

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having experienced myself as being ‘lazy’ to read all the material that is coming up in website

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that ‘writing is my duty’ instead of doing it out of self expression in the moment, for myself as myself only, not compromising myself and doing it as a ‘must do’ because in that moment, freedom is lost

I forgive myself that I hadn’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that freedom isn’t able to exist as long as ALL isn’t one and equally free

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be having alternate plans to my day, instead of living it fully at the moment, not accepting and allowing myself to create expectations that – if not fulfilled – creates frustration

I forgive myself that I have accepted an dallowed myself to blame a come-and-go flu and sudden cough for my not fully writing application because of falling asleep too early

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be controlled by the mind in thinking, believing and perceiving that I am inferior to my ‘desires to sleep’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate reading and doing anything else as just doing nothing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel overwhelmed by ‘having to read a lot’ and therefore ‘block’ myself and instead do nothing, not read the forums or the stuff I have to read for school

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I’m not capable of reading it all and participating in everything, and completing everything as participating in forums, writing, going to school, working in workshop, traveling and having ‘a life’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel overwhelmed by the amount of information and writings I haven’t read and therefore, think that ‘it is too much for me at this moment’ therefore, procrastinate instead of giving it a beginning by pushing myself to go step by step.

_________

O BE Y

OBEDIENCE

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define me as being ‘obedient’ and following rules that are imposed to me by ‘the authority’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear ‘breaking the laws/rules’ in fear of losing my definition as ‘being obedient’ therefore, being a ‘good person’ that ‘follows the rules’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR and believe in the fear that if I ‘break the rules’ as not being obedient to them is something ‘bad’ for me and that I am able to lose credibility towards others such as parents

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing my current ‘allowances’ within the relationship with my ‘parents’ and fear ‘breaking their rules’ because it would mean that I could lose their ‘trust’ they’ve deposited/created towards myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire and want to always be ‘obedient’ to anyone or anything that creates and sets a ‘rule to follow’ thinking that this makes me an actual ‘better somenoe’ or that it takes me through a ‘safe road’

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to break the rules and the impositions by the ‘authority’ within my world such as parents or teachers or school or ‘the system’ in fear of losing my current stability, comfort and the projection of being ‘trust worthy’ towards others as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire being ‘trust worthy’ towards the authority figures within my world, thinking that this creates an ‘easy stage’ for me to walk through

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing my comfort zones, my parent’s trust towards myself if they knew that I’m breaking one of their rules as ‘not seeing that particular someone’ just because they don’t want me to do so

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define me as always being obedient towards my parents and therefore, submitting myself to their established rules

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define ‘not following rules’ as a way of rebelling myself, not realizing that it isn’t about following or not but seeing what’s best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing my ‘benefits’ from having ‘parent’s trust’ and fearing losing it if they knew that I have been lying to them in order to do something that they wouldn’t actually ‘support’ me to do

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear being disobedient and fear disappointing my parents, not realizing that I am not able to disappoint anyone here but myself as all as one and therefore, the fear of disappointment isn’t towards parents but for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my parent’s systematic reactions if I were to disobey them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my parents because of them reacting in extreme anger when it comes to me talking about relationships with people they ‘don’t like’

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to take personally their disapproval of people I go out with instead of realizing it has to do with themselves and their experience

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that ‘being obedient’ is ‘good quality’ that has defined me throughout my life, therefore, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that If I were to be ‘disobedient’ to certain rules imposed by the authority, I would lose part of my self definition, not realizing it isn’t real anyways

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear PUNISHMENT out of breaking the rules and being disobedient

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear confrontation and conflict if my parents were to know that I have been ‘disobedient’

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to fully realize that I am an adult and I no longer have to stick to rules imposed by others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing my father’s monetary support IF he would ever withdraw it because of me ‘not following his rules’ and his ‘plan’ for myself within the life they want me to have, the people they want me to be with and the ‘someone’ they want me to be and become

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be one and equal to my parents, but instead define them as the ‘enemy’ that I must defeat and go against and fear because of them apparently having more ‘power’ over myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my father’s reaction and fearing him getting angry and disappointed if he knew that ‘I went back’ with A.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my mother’s reactions and fearing her being angry and disappointed at myself because of her knowing that I am back with A again as friends

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give room and head to thoughts of fearing parents due to old conditioning and situations within the past where I experienced ‘extreme fear’ due to them knowing that I was being with someone ‘they didn’t approve’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being disobedient towards my parents approval of someone to be in my life or not

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually give room inside myself to think that my parents are able to decide for me according to their idea of ‘what’s best for me’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still think, believe and perceive that because I depend on my parents financially, I must stick to their rules

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see that MONEY is an issue that still traps me within following authority due to economic dependence on parents

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that as long as I depend on my father’s money, I have to follow parent’s rules and do what they want me to do

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see that I’m enslaved to their desires and wants to be fulfilled by me according to the idea/concept they want me to be and become

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still act like a little girl for some things and want to be a grown up for others according to how the situation ‘suits’ me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lock myself and deny my self as being fearful because of not wanting to ‘lose’ my parents support and fear being ‘punished’ in any possible way

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to instead keep myself in a status quo as being ‘in good terms’ with parents instead of actually being honest with myself and do what I want to do without hiding.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being misunderstanding ‘what do I have to stand for’ within this situation, fear of being interested on ‘self preservation’ by wanting to be friends with someone who isn’t ‘approved’ by parents

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think believe and perceive that if I don’t OBEY, I am being a ‘bad daughter’ therefore, dishonouring them

well this is something to really step beyond, time to really apply. Oh deer.

thanks bye

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About Marlen

I share my realizations and perspectives within learning how to live life in self-honesty in the Desteni Process to expand and grow as a person in this world. #IMatter View all posts by Marlen

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