These conversations in art theory got quite interesting, seeing how others in my class are left with a bleak image and have no will to stand up at all, most won’t even dare to speak up or have the will to talk and share their experiences within this world we’re currently living in. All I could see is apathy all around me, during the whole day, even the usually ‘pumped up’ girls at workshop, even S. was completely like tired and I know he’d went to find a job, seems things didn’t turn out well enough. It’s scary because I hear people saying "oh, we’re about to be in 6th semester already wow" and so I hear them talking on how to make a living out of art, and finances within this, etc. Also in classes they are more than conditioning ourselves to be the ‘new culture product-makers’ which means that we recognize and "fully" accept being in this institution which is the national university of mexico, within the national school of art and having a long freaking tradition ETC and now it seems that we’re up to really turning – as an institution – as a freaking corporation by having some ‘quality’ standards that will certify that we are a ‘good school’ such as having a good environment, clean places, safety etc… Our teacher was really pushing our boundaries by talking for the 100th time about post-modernism and how it is merely an excuse to talk about how we are currently living and experiencing ourselves in this ‘consumer-driven-world’. I must be honest, I didn’t want to get into that class as I hadn’t even read the whole material we had to read, though, I realized that I certainly didn’t need to read that much about the way we are currently living, how we are desire driven, image driven, wanting and desiring to fill all the needs that we’ve created through our necessity to ‘have more’ and ‘be fulfilled’ and it’s interesting hearing other’s comments on this.

It’s inevitable seeing how one projects into the usual comments given in class, there are people still being concerned on what others might think with regards to them having to have the latest clothes collection, the latest gadgets, video games… One of my classmates is already a father of a 3 year old girl and commented how by watching tv, just by watching this add on some cleaning towels already her need to have such towels plus a ‘linked-to the commercial’ cellphone that she would also ask for because that way she would be able to use her cleaning towels. How on earth would these kids grow up? I mean, see what we are doing, we are turning them into ourselves at age 3! we can’t possibly keep allowing this, where will we be at when these kids turn into teenagers beginning to be awaken by earthly desires and being massive targets of mass media and all this big wreck of world we’re creating for them.

Funny seeing how some girl spicely talked on ‘being better person’ and earning money to ‘have something to be’ and basically wanting to ‘upgrade herself’ in a social status according to money, bah, i could her that she didn’t want her dreams to fall down, her illusions to completely be lost in one single momen when realizing that money isn’t to be considered as worth but mere means to get a meaning – if I could say so – it is about the means where money is ‘the way’ yet not the goal in itself. INteresting seeing how people hide this greed behing this ‘upgrade’ within their lives.

I couldn’t stop talking and sharing points within this topic because I see that people think it is quite impossible to stop this train from eventually crashing… all I see, as i said, is apathy which is rather making me go WAKE UP!!!!!!!!11 because no one seems to really give a damn, we even had a bit of a discussion amongst a few of us participating in class on being ‘idle’ to the whole situation, not caring about standing up, speaking up and making a change, people seem to be willing to just crash along with the inertia of this heavy wrecked train we call system, we call ‘life’. Confusion, hopelessness and apathy were reigning the discussion… we laugh at how we create the needs for ourselves to be fulfilled by some company that will have the ‘greatest idea’ to create such product and makes us plastically happy and fulfilled for a while. It’s common to hear people feeling lonely and overly empty, all I could think is: oh boy they feel empty bcause they don’t know who they really are. It’s true, feeling empty and going on to external sources to actually try and fulfill this is quite heavy, quite tiring indeed and it is kind of frustrating seeing that in a group of more than 30 people it’s only about 8 of us who are openly talking and discussing. The rest seem to jsut stick together playing, or just being plain silent as if these topics weren’t of their concern. wow, I see how I’m bothered by apathy, though I am not able to see my own apathy towards making a change. It’s absurd because we all know yet we choose to remain Idle.

They are pushing ourselves to be aware of what we are truly getting into, of how we have to really compromise ourselves with our corporation such as university, how we have to go developing ways of action beyond the usual art market by actually forcing ourselves to act and create art in a more open way, beyond art galleries and usual narrow circuits of distribution. It IS possible yet i see how we all felt hopeless and how the big silence really spoke for ourselves – there is no way out, apparently – I explained how it is all abouta matter of stopping, how money is the king of th world and how we still have to get money for a living.  It seemed like the sick and sad world topics to hear … seeing no answers or options from my peers is quite a shame… very very few of us have the will to SEE and stop, choosing to be aware instead of just being idle, though I see that I’m not yet living in the real world as I’m not yet providing for myself, I’m not yet having to get a job to get myself some food to eat, I’m not yet earning money from what I am currenlty preparing myself for… damn, I’m not living the real life and this is all due to the access to money. I see how hard it is for some to actually acknowledge that we are all wanting money because it is obvious that we require to live, yet I also see how in art some aren’t really up to having the usual ‘fame and glory’ that happened in the past, but actually expressing ourselves through art and within so making a change, a change? should I say create awareness? Yes that’s what I want to do, HOW? Practicality was another subject of the day. Oh boy and realize that I’m living quite quite an easy going life while the world is crumbling down, and all we have to do is stop and begin with ourselves. Tried to explain this in my class, I only see ‘thoughtful’ faces but not actual responses to what I say… some others show themselves as wondering ‘what is freedom then?’ I clearly said that freedom doesn’t exist which seemed to shock most that really believe they have these ‘choices’ to pick from, lol. .. oh dear, some of us are still living in the ‘pink life’ where everything’s fine, always in crisis -but fine. This is the status quo that one lives here as a mexican, always ‘on our way to progress’ yet never actually having a REAL progress. Defeat makes its best way every time that one thinks that anything else such as ‘the getting of money’ is more powerful than us, it’s usual to defeat ourselves BEFORE even starting. wow, what a nut job. HOw could this work while I find out that one great teacher makes about 250 american dollars a month in this ‘national university’? Well he might as well be kidding, we don’t know, but I really know that it is fucking low wage that wouldn’t be even enough for him to pay for gas just to come all the way to get here. It’s insane and this is but a hay in a hay stack, really lots and lots and lots and the whole world is going through the same. How long will it take for us to stand no matter what? I was realizing that we won’t do much until we start seein the situation gets tougher and tougher and that there are no solutions from ‘daddy government’ and mother laws, so we’ll have to then fasten our seat belts to make  an unexpected landing on earth in an emergency call. The idleness then, will be no more.

But wait…

why wait until the crash is near? . . . seems typical from human beings, leaving things up to the last moment, working under pressure. We just have to stand and realize ourselves in ‘the other one’ because as long as we still think of our illusion of separation, we are fuicked. That’s why the beginning is ONE and EQUAL, no you, no me. but ME as ALL.

About Marlen

I share my realizations and perspectives within learning how to live life in self-honesty in the Desteni Process to expand and grow as a person in this world. #IMatter View all posts by Marlen

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