Around my neck

So I woke up just one hour before my bus left for mexico city, so I rushed to the bus station and first thing I notice is: oh dear no, the x-mas tree is already there in the center of it all and there are all those xmas songs trying to sweeten the ears of the peasants around. I notice my disgust towards it all and then it all comes like  a bump in the head where I tend to associate this ‘season’ with the ones in past years and that’s a usual freaking thing I used to do: associate the current time with similar cycles in the past. Of course, my life before was all about seeking ‘coincidences’ and wanting everything to have an ‘underlying’ connection that would only mean that ‘I was special’ in any kind of way. I always considered me like a ‘sent’ someone to this earth to do a ‘something’ though I’ve already discussed that months ago in this blog, quite a ‘being’ I thought myself to be, lol, cool to realize that other gazillion felt the exact same ‘special’ way as me.

Anyways even the fact of being sick around these days is quite a fuicking cycle in my life which has to stooop! My throat is going ‘better’ though at the m oment I’ve got a flu so damn, I try to embrace it and realize that I’m letting many shit out while sneezing and having nasal stuff coming off but anyways, let’s continue.

I took a cab from bus station here to my home as I was feeling quite ‘weak’ because of the medicines I’m taking at the moment and I had quite an interesting chat with the taxi driver who told me stories of people paying him thousands to go over to other cities, I wondered why they would pay as much as 5 times more to him in a taxi to travel to other state up north instead of taking a plane, well easy anser: transporting drugs or any other stuff and well it made complete sense to me. I see how then all this stuff might be transported. The deal is that this driver has no care of any of what he’s carrying because ‘he gets his money’ and so it means that no one cares what that person is carrying in their bags etc. Well quite a corruption story though I went to workshop and I was feeling quite sick still.. I worked a bit but then decided to come home.

WHile I had to buy some paper I realized how it had gone up about 25% than a month ago, wow. I am already beginning to see the changes that money brings. Oh fuck and immediately went, well there would be maybe a time where I won’t be able to be worrying about buyhing this kind of paper but buyhing or getting food to survive.

I listened to Y’s – my friend – internet radio program where a doctor o sociology talked about the recent changes within latin america with regards to socialism and communism and these preseisdents that are trying to recover from a dying capitalism onto giving the power back to the people, such as the ‘communal counsils’ in venezuela. THisis very very interesting and ‘uplifting’ to hear that there is a revolution going on where there are already 4 to 5 countires with a ‘socialist’ ideal even though there isn’t a ‘model’ to follow but merely the knowledge that people – us- will have to participate fully and actively to dissolve this ‘superior/elite’ group of people directing us as ‘politicians’. See, the moment we ‘delegate’ our power, the ‘power of the people’ on to someone to "represent" ourselves we lose our power. This man was talking about not only participating and making our ‘civilized right’ to vote and only go out and participate that day, no, but to take actual roles in order to direct ourselves. I am very glad to hear from these doctors and investigators in sociology and politics and economy that capitalism is no longer a ‘force’ but a dying system that will surely need to end to give head to what they are calling and naming ‘XXI century  socialism’ There isn’t another ‘name’ because taking responsability in common ways hasn’t any other word to define it yet. It is cool realizing that not even communism in Russia is to be taken as an example as we all know where it lead and their weak points. This is something that is being ‘created’ within a politic -frame though, I’m quite sure that it will ‘step forth’ from the only ‘politics’ into taking over every day life as a way to live, as a way to participate, take responsability and direct ourselves.

See, in Blindness, the movie it’s a proof of how when seeing that there is no ‘order’ people start taking directive roles. We are able to see the abuse of those directive roles and the directive for all as equals which makes the difference. The dying capitalims, its agony is slow and today i really ‘felt’ as we are all going to be witnesses of what is already here, manifesting as we’ve co-creted so dilligently.

Another point is I’m quite satisfied with the video I made because I sent it to some people and most have liked it and that’s quite cool. I just talked with an ‘old man in my life’ a one that also got me into seeing a complete different view and perspective of life as he is a literature guy that would listen to leonard cohen, tom waits and read Jack Kerouac who became one of my fav writers as well. The thing is I discussed with him ‘what I’ve been up to lately’ and he enjoyed th evideo and he began writing me about how he’d felt ‘weird’ within society and so I said that I was quite aware of what was going on at this moment and then we kept on talking, he said he suddenly felt interested towards meditation and all that stuff so i immediately stopped and made him see the obvious: we are here, there’s nothing to wish for etc and told him I had gone through the exacdt same sudden desire to know of religions and metaphysics and meditation and whatnot, though I see how common sense is the way to explain these things. We stopped abruptly because his connection failed though, I see how I am interested in sharing the story, my story, even if it moves their ‘estabke and firm’ ground because we will eventually ALL know of this so why not going ‘paving the way’ with those that show some interest and had already seen how ‘difficult’ is to break ‘social paradigms’ well, he got offline all of a sudden then he sent email saying that he would very much like to talk with me having a cup of coffee, so I agree and it’s cool, in past as the beginning of this year when I myself was recently getting to read all desteni material I felt ‘insecure’ about it though at this moment I know that there’s nothing to fear or hide, the more people know about this the better so we can all be aware of what’s really going on in earth and people don’t go literally mad with those demons around.  Well that’s it

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to desire living a life of coincidences and ‘non-casualty’ events that would indicate me that I was special in this world and that I had a ‘special mission’ in life

I forgive myself that I have accpeted and allowed myself to be disgusted by the whole christmas setup therefore, allowing me to be influenced by christmas being placed around

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About Marlen

I share my realizations and perspectives within learning how to live life in self-honesty to expand and grow as a person in this world. #IMatter View all posts by Marlen

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