I’m finally done with my school deliveries and it was cool though weird saying goodbye and knowing that I won’t be going to the workshop in a long time. I already packed my stuff and I am taking my sketch books and whatnot to be able to paint. As always, vacation time and I got plans to do many stuff though let’s see how I move myself to achieve that. I see that everyone – including myself – feels ‘free’ whenever we are done with another semester, lol, weird because I’ll continue doing the same stuff but in different techniques: drawing. I even stayed longer in the workshop and had a little chat with some of my mates there and thanked and said bye to S. Well at least I got a cool grade in workshop after having over-worked there, I thoroughly enjoy… there are things that seem to point to me definitely ‘going for it’ with regards to making art and doing what I can to stand up through it.
Last thursday when I got home everyone was so nervous and I had taken double pill of some medicine which made me feel a bit too sleepy and dizzy, and mother was veery nervous because of the visits and our guest at home Monica who is a woman from the US that came to the wedding. She was the one staying at our house during this time although she left today. Well It certainly was cool seeing the german family – our family friends – again and I realized that before I used to ‘numb’ myself because I considered myself not important for them or not of value because I deemed myself as not being able to be ‘friends’ with them but merely be the youngest member of my family and that was it.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself for having deemed myself as non-worthy and therefore thinking that I wasn’t of importance for people that were friends with my family because of me thinking, believing and perceiving that I didn’t matter to others
So I guided them to downtown and met the rest there, lol, back in the days me going alone with them would’ve been a nervous situation, this time I handled it alriight. Then went to see A and realized that his car wasn’t a complete wreck and that the reason for him crashing against that wall was because of drugs. oh gee, what a surprise, so I told him how then it all made sense and how these situations have to happen for him to stop the current way he’s leading his life and I couldn’t talk to him more about it because he wasn’t alone and we barely had time to speak though I know that I can’t be his mom and I won’t be his mom because I’ve played the mother role before… anyways…
That thursday back in my house we had a chat with monica and she asked if I had made the paintings at home and she said she really liked them and so we talked and it turned out to be that she also paints and she showed me her website and it was very cool talking with her about her story of how she began painting almost by accident. Then the story of one failed love came about and I noticed that she carries profound sadness and regret because that guy was suppossed to be the man of her dreams and he just suddenly stopped seeing her without any real explanation and so she was quite deceptioned and I told her that she has to forgive him and forgive herself because it isn’t cool to be carrying that around because it becomes like a burden and she completely understood me, she was a bit wowed of what I talked with her with regards of letting go of that relationship that once was and lasted for a very short time. Well it might’v ehelped her.
While we were speaking my sister – the just married one – was still at home and sharing the conversation with ourselves and I realized that it would be one of her last nights there as well and well i did experienced some awkward feelings though nothing too serious.
On friday I went to have breakfast with mother and monica and that was the time when i had the large talk with her and somehow I knew that I could speak with her about the current situation in the US and she pulled out the question "do you guys know about the illuminati?" And I said inside: bingo! , lol I began explaining that certainly I do and began speaking almost non stop about the information and asking questions of what she knew and well, let’s say that I enjoy very much talking about these topics of our current situation and it was cool seeing how she agreed with ‘me’ about the stuff I was talking about, which isn’t really ‘my’ opinion but merely common sense therefore talking for all as one and she ended up saying that I should be a politician LOL and that it was very cool that I’m informed about this because even some americans don’t know about the stuff I do. I explained to her stuff that she didn’t know it existed and i certainly almost didn’t stop talking through the whole breakfast but I noticed she thoroughly enjoyed the conversation. Of course I talked about oneness and equality, money systems and how she agreed that it has to be an individual standing up and in her words ‘it’s about changing the heart of the people’ which I understood as changing our perspective on this life and how we act within greed or desires of power and whatnot, yep, we agree within that and I told her that there is going to be a huge change when this happens, when each one begins understanding that we are responsible for our creation and that we have to stand up and yeah at some point it sounded a bit ‘idealistic’ to her but she completely agreed with what I was saying, notice it wasn’t an agreement towards my opinions but to practical ideas of what to do and how to move ourselves within this situation. Later on she told my mother that I was ‘passionate with politics’ lol, I don’t know why she says it is politics, maybe it’s a way to place a name for the stuff I talk about. Anyways I even ended up explaining a bit of Venezuela’s government and how the pople gathered up creates counsils to direct themselves as the power – real power of the people
That same day at night my sister got married in the church and I had to go as it was almost a family situation and oh deer, first time I step in a church in a long fucking time and I really didn’t react that much towards the place or the ritual etc and I just stood there not speaking or following their sayings in the mass at all of course. Then there were some people that didn’t know me and so it was weird to get introduced that day and my sisters said that i was like the ‘tough sister’ and so it was like having already a tag all over me as being ‘different’ to the rest of my family. I made a great effort going to that but yeah doesn’t matter where i am, I am here even if it’s within a church seeing that guy bleeding as he hangs from those sticks and my sister committing to his fiancée – now hubby – infront of him. Wow, really, people that are religious are completely nuts. Anyways, we already know that.
That night I got my dress delivered and fixed and so it was cool and everyuone was a bit nervous because of the next day and I just decided to enjoy these last moments that we spent together as a family with all members. yep it’s quite a change within this though I knew that after
I’ll continue with the wedding day and the stuff that followed later. Though it was really really cool talking with an american about stuff that I’ve researched for a long time and talking with M about it. She said how she has some apartments as property and she lends those for people that just got out of jail or mental institutions until they reintegrate to society. So i see that she’s aware that if she’s kind of a wealthy she’s also aware the injustice and inequity in this world, she shares her living spaces for those that have no place to go so it is cool
I enjoyed being at home and ordering some stuff, I took pictures of the drawings I’ve made this year and yes what a year has been of MANY MANY changes and I was recalling the moment my world fell down when finding desteni. i can’t believe that it is such a ‘usual’ thing for me to realize and acknowlede that we are mind consciousness systems created by Anu with our defined purposes of enslavement etc etc and how I now live knowing this and stand up every moment. I see talking is GREAT and sharing common sense with ‘another’ is way way cool because sometimes I realize that stuff that was so ‘obvious’ for me it isn’t for some others so it’s cool doing this, words are great tools to assist each other to realize what is here as us
OK and great music by Matt I enjoyed a LOT cool song and great lyrics from B: McKenna is my HEnna
I really listened to it like 15 times during the day lol great
and thanks for the inspiration