I left my apartment today and I had a bit of a concern for my plants there but a neighbor of mine is going to take care of them. I cleaned and repaired some things and then came back here and I guess I’ll be here at least for the rest of december. Moka is a bit depressed because her mother (my honeymooner sister) isn’t here so I’ll be sleeping in her room so she doesn’t feel that alone.
On my way here I saw all the pilgrims going towards mexico city to see the virgin of guadalupe… you should see them carrying a portrait of such image in their backs walking or running or riding bikes in groups to get to the main church where the hype happens in about a few hours to begin the 12th. I was just remembering how in our independence declaration that guy declared that dec. 12th should be a national celebration and since then i guess the party is always the same. And the reason of this celebration is such a fantasy made up by the church as this virgin appearing to some indigenous guy and creating a miracle blablabla that little lie has created millions that adore and worship that virgin, oh dear really it used to piss me off so much because peeple suffer a lot while doing that while walking kilometers and kilometers to get there, while dehydrating in the way there, while carrying all that stuff they ‘have to take’ because of that swearing they’ve made onto her, really millions gather there today and the city is literally invaded by walking people carrying images of this virgin and they all go to ‘pay’ a visit for some ‘favor’ a.k.a. "miracle" "she’s" made for them. I was telling my parents that when all that people finds out what religion is all about they will kick their own asses in the dimensions… well maybe, maybe not but most of them feel this as a ‘strong commitment’ as if the virgin got really proud and happy to see people starve and bleed on their knees as they literally crawl to get to their church. Sick, completely sick. period. But yeah you may google it and maybe see part of ourselves as those believers that go there and celebrate the day. Almost no one works either
So I left on the day of the wedding when I got up as early as my sister as I had slept with her in the same room. I still went out for a walk and went to see A for a while then he told me that he would ‘style’ my hair and so I did so but the deal is that I still had stuff to do for my sister and he took a long long time and almost at the end it was almost time for us to leave and I was still there and then some friend of his was there and as I was talking I turned and I got my left cheek burned a bit, oh dear it looked like a burned kiss on the cheek really, not fun at all. He got quite ashamed about it but I realize that I moved so it wasn’t anyone’s fault just something that the rush created. My hair grew long enough to style it by the way, lol, haha cool timing for me to almost go bald 6 months ago. Well I came here rushed to put on my dress and my sister was already dressed and downstairs and the photographer was taking her pics and they wanted me to take a pic with her next to my painting in the dining room, lol, I had to move to the other side so my cheek wouldn’t show all burning red in the pic lolol. And my mother suggested I use honey so I did, lol, when all the visitors arrived home to go from there to the place where the party was going to be, I had my cheek with honey so everyone asked and etc etc not cool as I had to run to get some printing done for my sister and I ran in these tiny heels lol all dressed up, I should’ve seen myself doing this. Then we hop in the van and went to the place which is about 40 minutes from my house and well after having some fun with an older man – husband of my mother’s friend – talking on religion because he despises the church, I saw how he was being kind of big ANTI religions and catholicism specifically wanting to throw some arrows to an image of jesus lol though I said: nah! I don’t go against it because going against it means you do care too much about it… so it was a way of calming him down. Well from there on I was only having my cheek a little bit burning and having to greet all these people oh dear it was a LOT of people about 300 and so there was I with my ‘cool’ hair with my cheek melting in honey and feeling kind of confused by the amount of people coming… but even tually everything turned out cool and well gee, I had to be there the ‘second’ time the priest was there and he did mention to everyone during the mass that he knew that ‘there were certain people who were "far" from god " and he asked "How is your faith doing lately?" lol oh dear I didn’t care I mean I don’t understand how they dare to speak about poverty and famine and asking for a ‘pray’ for those while he has a supposed ‘poverty vow’ and he gets a very cool life traveling from here and there as a jesuit priest. Oh well the deal is that I didn’t fucking care that he saw that I never spoke or did anything during both masses really, all I could think of in that moment is ‘how can god fucking exist while seeing this world the way it is, what a mean ‘god’ would that be right’ as he was speaking of the ‘love of god’ and the ‘celebration of god’ and whatnot, though I am learning to behave because I used to be much more reactive in these situations such as literally be hating the situation, this time I breathed through it, I better watched the flowers around and the garden and everyone around etc, big family and friends reunion. Yeah everyone liked the dress as well lol, the honey was melting on my cheek. I realized how I used to be much more ‘picky’ in many things and situations and now I really just let myself be, not caring that it was a ‘solemn’ event and just being myself and yeah I took a pic of some bees that drowned in a fountain oh deer and me having honey in my cheek.
Eventually I chatted with my cousins and some other people, I greeted many many people and everyone asked about me and my work and my studies and some congratulating me for my sister’s wedding – something that I never really ‘got’ because why would they congratulate me, lol – and yeah it was a nice wedding. I still got ashamed a bit for what my father said over the microphone, thanking almost every person for coming to the wedding and I realized how I am repeating my mother’s patterns of being ashamed when my father takes the mic and sings or talks too much. lol.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become ashamed of my ‘father’ when he talks too long or too much in public
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become ashamed whenever my ‘father’ sings in public because of me judging him as ‘not a good singer ‘ therefore fearing that people might laugh at him for not singing well. Well see these are my twisted perceptions and I’m merely repressing him through my thoughts, what a mindfuck really. But in the end it was ok.
THe deal is that I had brought all my etching copies from mexico city and I took them to the wedding because I Knew that there were going to be some friends of the family from mexico city that would like to see them, and so i did, I went to the van for them and went to sit for a long time with those people. THis man – the father of the family – has etching-maker friends, pro people that are even in the superior level of my school and so he saw my etchings and really liked them, and so he asked if I was selling them, i said not yet because I didn’t know the price of them but he said that he really would like to buy me some and then his son arrived and they watched them and liked them and so it was very odd getting such cool feedback from these people that are really into art and know lots of painters and etching makers and whatnot I was ‘flattered’ but it is odd how I took the comments and i n a way know that it isn’t to feed up and get my ego up to the 100th floor, nope, it is about seeing how my work has some fruits ready to reap already. So I just thanked for their compliments after feeling awkward by that and I did sold them in a rather ‘cheap’ price and they even gave me a little bit more than that so it was cool, although i did gave another one to the man as a gift, I was really glad that he had liked them and so I wanted to give them all away, I was just too happy seeing that they had liked them but they really insisted in paying for them, odd yes, people insisting in paying you lol but that’s how it happened and so It was.
The son – the one that also bought me an etching – has a wife from Cyprus and I remembered Bella, lol, well her name is Nelia and I had a long chat with her, odd to see her speaking perfect spanish after I had just met her in their wedding like 4 years ago. We talked about art and stuff and schools mainly, she’s a teacher in one university in mexico city, she’s mathematician and her hubby – the son – is an economist so I decided to ask him about the current economic situation and he said that he saw it ‘quite rough’ and that next year will ‘still be tough’ though he claims a recovery after a long time…. and I asked about the Amero and the north american union and he said that he doesn’t think that is going to be done because then the U.S. would acquire debts from our country and that it isn’t a ‘suitable’ situation for them though I must say that’s he’s a real system guy and so he isn’t taking the ‘worst scenarios’ as possibilities of what would happen… Anyways then they left and I just watched people dancing from there and there, loud loud music and then i went with a frined of my sister and I explained the etchings again and then to some others and itw as cool seeing how must of them ‘dig’ my work in a cool way. I t really was weird that even in the bathroom a woman whom I couldn’t know who she was in that moment even asked me about school and the exact location of it etc etc I was like, who the fiuck is her and how does she know what I do? I realized how ‘BIG’ deal it is for people that I study and do what I do it’s quite quite weird and I just remembered how I wanted to quit and still what a shock it would be for everyone, all these people, to now that I quit, wow but… well, I’m still in school
The COOL part is when they asked what those images meant and so I do represent ideas of how we take the body for granted and tend to live in our head, and how our thoughts create the burden and the mess within us and the sadness and the dread and so they were all paying attention when I explained the concept and the technique etc this same situation like 5 or 6 times with different people. I realized that it is possible to give these messages of being life as breath through art and I would see people’s faces when I explained the ‘breathing deal’ and how sometimes we forget that we are here that we are alive and we give weight to the illusions. .I explained this to one of the german guys and he really liked them and asked me if he could purchase as well… but yeah it was cool explaining people about life and being alive as the breath, everyone seemed to ‘get it’ this is cool because then I see that there’s no opinoin entailed, but merely facts that concern everyone that owns a pair of lungs and a ‘conscience’ as a brain/mind meaning -human beings – I thought I was going to ask for a ride and leave the wedding place earlier though I decided to stay until I did jumped around to a single song and then ate the little cakes And so we left when there were a bunch of drunksters and that was it. WE came home almost at midnight and I was kind of tired by then but it was cool then… oh dear fireworks are on all over around here
I’ll try to sleep and ‘pray’ for the pilgrims to open their eyes and see that they are the biggest fools in this world lol
well we all are
and don’t forget to check out Viktor’s song it’s very cool as well! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7GTgDimuaDw these guys are all cool making songs woow I already spoke SF for feeling that I’m not capable of doing such a good job like that, I’ll try now that I have NO schooL! yahoo!
well that was ‘the infamous wedding’ the reason for me not being able to travel this year and the reason of why I didn’t went completely bald .. blah.. blah.. well thanks for reading, nite