I had a nice time playing guitar today in the morning at A’s house. I played his guitar and he shared some tips for me to be able to play with a better/suitable technique. I felt how music flows and how I am merely there creating these sounds that come from the movement that my fingers create while pressing metal strings on a piece of wood while stroking them amplified through this cord that goes into this sound amplifier to create music. wow, right? I see how I would be afraid while playing in the past because of my thougths wanting to be as ‘good’ as he is, or as anyone else that in my head and according to my opinions played ‘cool’ and so, I merely fucked my moment within thoughts instead of allowing it all to flow. Great change experienced while just playing and flowing with it.
Well. Something I’ve been certainly facing is the comments, ideas, conceptions people have on me as being someone apparently ‘special’ and having all these special considerations within myself because that’s what I had built around me, because all my life I thought myself as being special and I’ve already discussed this point many times, even once wrote on what ‘specialness’ is all about and I see how this is slowly fading even when getting the words that I longed to hear from people long time ago. Now that I get what I then wanted, it’s just words, one and equal meaning, I do not get uplifted up to the sky within my ego bubble that really burst the moment I realized who I wanted to be as a personality in this world. Well those times are gone. We know that anything that might be a definition as opinion from another mind onto myself is merely that, an illusion, a creation that I co-created and helped developed while it lasted. It isn’t changing who I really am and what I do and how I move myself within this world. All I’m interested in at the moment is using this persona as myself to squeeze all I can to get other people to know what process is about, talking about oneness and equality,s haring and beginning to live the words as me. So taking all these compliments as cool stuff but not as ego incentives is one big point of change within me. Lol you should know the predisposition I had from my parents who definitely encouraged me to be used to getting compliments and wanting me to be flattered all the time and yes, It really became a very ingrained way of existing in my ‘life’ and in my ‘world’. Not interested in that any longer, really.
My sister arrived today from her honey moon and all I know is that I got a bit sad because Moka – who is the other doggie a thome – left today because it’s my sister’s doggie and companion and daughter so, she will be living with here. As i write this, Shakti – the doggie that is here at home – and I are missing Moka though she’ll be coming often to visit but Shakti is kind of depressed anyways.
City’s a chaos, everyone is out buying stuff for others, worrying about what to dinner on x-mas day and whatnot. I do not practically give a damn on these kind of ‘celebrations’ as all I’ve lived iin those particular days are lies, nothing but lies, well all of our lives have been a lie though it’s as if they grow more intense within these times
Well I made the video the day before yesterday though until now I’m able to upload it. Had to cut some little parts to make it fit into 10 minutes here it is for Multiply users the direct link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PHyYTSv3Ab8