I came to a friend’s house in another city where it’s always warm and nice. I am enjoying just being at his house as I am sitting in the garden while the sun has been up for about 2 hours almost and it’s very calm here. I can see how these houses were built upon the natural landscape and how trees are still surrounding, it is easier to see the establishment of man upon a certain landscape. I see many plants all kinds of plants and I enjoy seeing their forms, their colors, I touch and smell them. I feel them alive, I take them as real life as who I really am.
The experience with this friend E. has been quite challenging as our ‘friendship’ which was me occasionally coming to visit or him going to my city to visit or meeting in concerts was somewhat based on personality, drug and alcohol intake. He’s quite a video game addict, no joking around this and so I knew he would be pretty much still into being stuck on the pc playing games but I think it’s gotten quite big at this moment as his pals gather around pcs and tvs to just be playing all night. And that’s his lifestyle. Lol, cool I didn’t know he is so much into going out at night for drinking and bringing friends to his house, that’s quite challenging for me because I rarely do that. YEsterday I enjoyed myself more just eating his mother’s delicious meals and looking at all the paintings and art around his house – his mother paints – and talking with his mother about art, about how nothing will change if one doesn’t care about the other. Quite cool his mother is, she is like an active person within what she does beyond self interest yet, she told me stories on how people take more than the hand when she offers giving -for example – free painting classes and so, becomes more like an abusive situation towards her will to do things for people interested in art.
Well, also his grandmother who is quite old and I’ve never seen quite cool white hair in an older woman. She was quite nice but at times I would see her sad sad face and I remembered when I worked in an elder’s asylum as social work in school for couple of weeks and how hard it was to make them laugh, how I had to be just smiling and being affable to trigger some grin out of them. I had forgotten what it was like to be around older people, about people who has already walked their whole life like this. Wow, really, I had forgotten.
So had quite a night because even though I had said ‘oh I rather stay here’ I decided to go out at night with them. Yes I tried to drink some beer but I barely went halfway through it. IT was nice because it was this old house and we were outside, was chilli – which is quite weird in this city – and I enjoyed watching the stars, yep I had just talked with N. about how I don’t go out at night that much and watch the stars, well I did. And I also recalled that time when I was outside of this bar just sitting in this comfy chair, it was cold as hell – lol – and I was just staring at fool moon. I was on xtc and a bit of acid and how I was like guru there, lol talking to people who approached me and discussed their deepest feelings and perceptions of themselves within this world. I enjoy talking about that, i enjoyed myself at the moment making them see that we are all one…. I wasn’t that much into desteni at that time, probably it was days before I discovered it. Quite an experience, the guys would leave like.. wooha cool I met you here and got all these explaingings! lol and they would keep on getting drunk or whatever, dancing their way back into the club. I was almost like a performance there, moon gazer.
ANyways, I felt out of place and the party pooper once again because I already wanted to sleep, to come home and be warm, but they kept on drinking and E. invited all to come over and so they came here and they kept on playing video games the whole night – I think – and well, I was going to sleep in the room right next to the place where they play so I managed to sleep about 2 hours there but then it got i mpossible so I went to the room upstairs to E’s bed and there I was at last at peace.
I woke up this morning and say this huge ‘chemtrail’ or mark in the sky as the sun had already stepped up and I enjoyed the moment. Brewed my tea and I’m here typing.
I haven’t had the time to talk with E about his situation, and what he’s really into at the moment. It isn’t definitely the same. And I definitely cannot be around people who does alcohol and drugs for fun as a ‘living’ nope. I am not going to be able to ‘socialize’ while having to listen to all kinds of stories of drunkards and pukes and whatnot. Nope. I had my own experience, I’ve dealt with that and now that is a source for me to speak out of my own experience withing drugs and alcohol.
I see that people know what they are doing while drinking alcohol and yet, they continue, they drink more and more, self destruction and see how the world is then. By one’s mind reality as self destruction we create the bigger picture and that’s how we’ve become to fuck ourselves by our own choice ‘we know what we are doing, yet we do not stop’
Again, the ultimate question, ‘what’ll take?’
WEll I’ll see what happens today… I’ll drag him out of his house far away from video games.
AH I discovered something interesting: while he and everyone plays videogames they create all these feelings and emotions within themselves, he talked about adrenaline, rush, that constant churning of energy he’s become addicted to. I saw couple of the games he plays: killing zombies, lord of the rings… lol they are all about having these purpose and life-saving deals. All time, constant fear of dying in the game, game over as the end of the illusion yet, all they experience they take as real, they are addicted to what they create within themselves to feel alive.
I see how there are some people that are remotely even caring about the stuff that we are – we as people aware of what we really are as life and our ‘human nature’ – really I couldn’t ever ever go back to taking life for granted and enjoying myself in such mundane ways, robotic ways, enslaved ways. THat is not fun, that is the "fun" controlling you and therefore, who is really being entertained.
I see how people tag as ‘nerds’ such people that don’t drink, lol this world is backwards really. I do not care at all if I don’t fit amongst ‘normal’ herds – I mean ehm ehm people – of my age seeking ‘parties’ all time and seeing who they can get drunk, laid or high with. I see sad faces all over them, I see sad empty faces that cannot fathom who they really are because they are too scared to face what’s real, what’s here, to face and see themselves. Wow, things will get dirty sometime when this gets to an inevitable point, I too am glad death of the individual self exists.
ok that’s it for now. thanks, bye.
For more info on video game addiction, see what happens after you die! lol : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u__gGimFUt4