I had quite a confrontational chat with an old friend from the net and well he is certainly going through a ‘mourning’ phase as he describes it after losing his partner who happens to also be carrying his future child. I say it was confrontational as his starting point within his life has been that of being worthy and of value if he’s important and has affected someone in this world and has been able to leave a mark within this life, otherwise he considers himself as non-existent. So, he’s been going through different situations as being literally ripped apart by the idea of love with his partner, his ideals of getting married, having a family, settling down basically which were frustrated because of the relationship not working out. He’s been into depression for long ti me in his life now and he is concerned about his physcotic episodes where he just wants to jump out of a window and end his life here. I talked to him, we chatted and well he even will probably read this but he knows that I do not support his ways of thinking. All he’s going through has been clearly by his own acceptance and allowance and so, there’s no one to blame, there’s no one to place the guilt upon but himself and this is something that he certainly knows. I see that many people are realizing that if they have to purge themselves they will at any cost and he abides with this idea which I think is cool beacuse in the end we know that there’s no way to avoid confrontation, to avoid facing ourselves and all his life experience is his own creation – even if he likes it or not – So, being thirty five years old, having no job, depression problemsn, several suicide attempts a broken relationship and now having a son/daughter coming isn’t quite the greatest situation to be in, yet, he created it, completely. Like I said to him:" no one placed a gun in your head to go through this" and so hating and having resentment against the partner isn’t the way to live either. Everything would be just fine meaning, to end the relationship and not talk to each other for the rest of their lives but having co-created a child is another story where he DOES have to stand up, to stop the inner turmoil and get back in track to LIVE and see what he has to do with his son as the mother isn’t quite apt for motherhood and raising a child according to him and his views on her environment in the States where she lives and was born. Well I chatted with him for a while and made him realize that he’s able to stop his inner turmoil by stopping his thoughts that create and support the depression though, he says that it’s almost impossible to take off such feelings towards her as easy as that and basically praising who he is as the mind which is quite a fuck up and he claims having listened this words many times yet, they don’t work.
I gave him the link to desteni’s video on hope, depresion and practical consequences of suicide yet he said that these videos are recomforting for a while then it fades away. Yet what I see is that he wants an easy way out, a fast solution to his situation so then I explained this is aprocess and that many are within this as well. He takes as crap anything that sounds like ‘self support’ he used to nag me with my metaphysics, yoga and mediation in the past, lol I agree I completely agree I was such a white light head, though at this moment I am only here to share my experience with him and support him If I’m able to do so by merely sharing a moment talking, that’s all. This guy, who I will call M as his initial – was a cool guy that helped me go through some troubled years in my teenagehood when I felt completely lost, sad and out of place. Yep, even though he was older than me he made me see that I didn’t have to be sad all the time and being depressed by not having a friend or someone in my world to hang out with. I woud talk and share myself with him and we had cool friendship even though he was already married and in estable jobs etc. But now he says he’s having a bad time so I shared what self forgiveness is, I wrote some for him as me and sent it to him. He might read it, he might not yet, who knows what’ll have to happen for him to stop hoping and waiting and move himself to actually do something about this. See it is kind of funny how people despereately look for love and someone yet when things get quite tgough or out of control, the easy way out is the most sought one. So I explained to him that death is not the end and that the stuff he’s avoiding from facing here he’ll have to face ‘there’ as well. HE got quite confused about this knowledge so I decided to stay with what’s practical which is first him stabilizing himself out of his self imposed mourn of losing this girl and then, moving to get a job and start living again, quit the meds and take responsibility for what he’s created.
WE are the creators of our own situations.
So I share the SF I wrote here in another post called SF for M . and yet yet another example of how the mind hold us back when we allow our mind to direct our experience herer. Ya voy! see your