Self Forgiveness For M.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that words are meaningless because I haven’t given me the opportunity to live them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I am not the one to blame for all that’s happeing to me, that I am not guilty of anything I’ve experienced by my own acceptance and allowance and not realizing that I am the one that creates my own life, and that there’s no one or no thing to blame for this

I forgive myself that I have accepted andf allowed myself to think that I can avoid my responsibility from taking care of my own child because of having problems with a relationship that didn’t work out, therefore, I realize that I cannot avoid my responsibility as I am the co-creator of another human being in this world, so I stand up and take self responsibility

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I got myself esteem destroyed by someone whom I believed to love and in doing so, allow me to fall apart while not getting what I expected from her in our relationship not realizing that I am the only one that is able to care for myself, to love myself unconditionally not depending on the love or care from anything or anyone else as I realize that I who I am is all as one and equal, therefore loving myself is loving her and anyone else in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to struggle against my thoughts by thinking that I cannot do it by myself, that I need an outer re assurance to who i am and what i am because if not, I feel worthless

I forgive myself that I have accepte dand allowed myself to fight against myself, to fight against my own mind and wanting to give up because I – apparently – cannot ‘win this fight’ and in doing so, allow me to fall into depression and anger towards the world without realizing that I am merely exerting the sadness and anger that exists within me as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and place hope and faith that antidepressants and pills will be the solution for my current experience, not realizing that I am using them as hope for ‘a time when things will be better’ instead of taking self responsibility in this moment and standing up to not allow myself to be chained to self destructive thoughts which I believe myself to be, not realizing I am not such self destructive thouhts, I am not this depression. I stand as who I really am as I am alive and I direct myself to not allow myself to fall back into depression, anger and frustration against myself anymore

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I need a pill to allow me to sleep not realizing that I only need to focus myself on the breathe as who I really am, stop my mind from running in thoughts and put myself to sleep as I direct myself and I do not allow myself to be controlled by the mind which I believe to be superior to me. I will myself to stop the thoughts from running inside my head that don’t allow me to sleep. I put myself to sleep naturally without the need of any pill or drug to do so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that ‘the pill works’ not realizing that I am the one that is creating such pills to work by having the will to be ‘better’ and in doing so , realizing that I do not need any pills as I am able to change myself, to see what I see and do what i do without the need of any meds or drugs.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I am only of worth and value by the relationships I create and exist as within this world instead of beings self-worthy, not allowing me to place worth or value on to another one or anything else in separation of myself. I do not accept and allow myself to need another one to love me, to take care of me in a relationship to stand up for life as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I do not exist if I am not of worth and value to another one in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only place worth and value on to myself according to how much I mean to someone else instead of realizing that I do not need to mean something to anyone as the idea of myself, instead of placing worth and value according to who i am as a human being that is alive, that is life as all as one as equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being ‘existent’ if I do not have a relationship that reassures me that I exist in this world and in doing so, denying who I am as this physical body that is breathing and is alive

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give more worth and value to my thougths, to the idea of who I am instead of realizing that I am self worthy meaning, I am worthy of life as I am alive and so i direct myself to not allow me to think that there’s no me if no one re assures the existence of myself as who I THINK I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire transcendence within this world by that which I make or create instead of realizing that all we have to do is be here without wanting to be something for someone else as that implies separation in not realizing that I already AM something as LIFE

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not love myself unconditionally and instead seek for love outside of myself and in doing so, allowing me to fall into a relationship of self destructive behaviours that were supported all times

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be blinded by the feelings I got by the idea of love with a certain person in my world, and in doing so, allowing me to fall greatly and not realize the damage I was doing to her and myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be involved in self destructive relationships because of desiring and needing to be with someone to create a family, to be of worth and value to someone.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to value me for me as who I am beyond what I have, what I am to others and who I think myself to be within my mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worship who I am within my mind and thinking that I cannot and will not change who I am because ‘that’s the way it is and that’s the way it has always been’ instead of realizing that I am able to stop m yself in every moment, I direct myself and will myself to stand up for me as who I am, as Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to turn my back on to life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that If I don’t leave a mark on someone’s life, i do not exist

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that by being a ‘someone’ in someone else’s world as their mind, I am THEN someone in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing identity, losing recognition as who and what i want to be perceived as, as who i want to be regarded as instead of realizing that I am not the ideas and opinions anyone may have about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dying without anyone knowing how great or profound I was in my thoughts, not realizing I am not defined by my thoughts as limitations of who i want to be

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give worth and value to ideas, perceptions and opinons others may have about me, not realizing that all that is real is what is Here as what is physical therefore, thoughts, opinions and ideas of myself arent’ real but merely mind creations supporting each others in the separation of this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself by feeling old and tired of this life

I forgive myself that I havea ccepted and allowed myself to think that ‘I’m nothing without others’ and that it applies to everyone in this world, not realizing that I am all as One and Equal, therefore, I cannot lose myself, I cannot be alone as we are all one.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that mourning is something perfectly normal after a breakup instead of realizing that I am the only one that’s allowing myself to live this mourn, to create and recreate it every day while I still define myself as being mourning

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to place HOPE and faith that someday things will be better, that someday I’ll stand up instead of moving myself practically here to not allow myself to wallow in depression and churning my head with thoughts of self destruction which will lead me nowhere but more depression

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that by losing ‘the one I loved’ I lost EVERYTHING not realizing that within this I am implying that I had placed all worth and value on to someone in separation of myself, not realizing that I have fucked things by myself by creating dreams and illusions outside of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create hate and resentment towards the person that left me alone without realizing that I am the one that allowed myself to place hopes and dreams along with this person which would inevitably show me that I stand alone and that I have to realize that I cannot depend on someone else to be stable within myworld and walk myself in life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make excuses to not take responsibility for the life I’ve co-created because of not wanting to face my own problems along with that person and realize that here it’s about someone else’s life that is to be taken care and discussed about

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sad and lonely for her living me alone, and therefore allowing me to wallow in the pit of depression while thinking that I cannot and am not able to get out of it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that only words aren’t efficient enough to heal myself, to realize myself and to forgive myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think believe and perceive that by losing ‘the one I loved’ I lost everything and it all turned to shit

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make of depression my ‘way of being’ as having defined me as always being depressed

I forgive myself that I haven’ta ccepted and allowed myself to realize that who I am isn’t this constant and continuous depression feeling as who i have accepted and allowed myself to be and become.

I forgive myself to think believe and perceive that I have to wait till ‘I get better’ instead of effectively moving myself this very moment to not allow any more shit from myself into hoping and waiting till something clears out for me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define me according to the need of a medicine to be willing to listen to myself, to be willing to read others support as me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I do care about the baby’s life yet, I do not want to take the responsibility of confronting myself and the mother of the child because of my own personal shit against her not takind into consideration that it is about someone else’s life here that is to be discussed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe or perceive that everything’s fucked already by such child yet to be born because of feeling that I cannot do anything to change ‘the way things are’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my inability to change for myself due to lack of lithium in my family, not realizing that it is merely a condition existing  within me yet, i support it while taking meds that  I think make me feel better

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to embrace the side effects of antidepressants as drowsyness, lack of self movement and tiredness in exchange of some ‘mental stability’ not ralizing that within this I am placing myself in the hands of a pill instead of directing me in every moment and not allow me to fall into depression by stopping the thoughts that feed the depression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt committing suicide without really wanting to die without realizing that in each attempt I am slowly but surely damaging my body which is the only ‘thing’ I have in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place myself in a dire situation between life and death without realizing that it was only a cry out for help because of thinking that I cannot stop my thoughts, that I cannot help myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to damage my body deliberately with my attempts to commit suicide without realizing that within this I am merely taking my body as LIFE as who I REALLY AM for granted and giving up by situations that are created within my mind, which I am not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire leaving things up to ‘heal as time goes by’ instead of realizing that I cannot place hope and wait for such time to go by, but here stopping the thoughts so I can stop suffering and existing in memories that aren’t real as the yearn of something that was and cannot be undone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to TRY instead of WILLING myself and placing myself to do so effectively, to stand up and take self responsibility for what I’ve done and created within my world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny the need of help because of thinking that only time will heal and that ‘something will

come and save me’ which is quite fucked up because in this I am saying that I am unable to move myself, to change myself and stand up for who and what I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be just waiting

I forgive myself that Ih ave accepted and allowed myself to think that something or someone has to ‘happen’ in my life so I can start moving myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire having another one in my life so I can replace and apparently ‘heal’ the wounds within my previous relationship not realizing the cycles that I create and that every single time my starting point of being with someone is out of loneliness and depression and wanting reassurance to be ‘someone’ is not real and will be taken away

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I have accepteda nd alowed myself to desire instant healing to my problems instead of realizing that this is a process of self forgiving myself for all that I’ve done, for all that I’ve become to be able to start moving myself while facing what I’ve already created within my world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believea nd perceive that taking a pill is the solution to my problems and that talking to anyone is useless.

I forgive myself that I have acepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that Ineed something else such as a pill to ‘let me see’ what I’m doing with my life without realizing that I can see waht I’m doing with my life in every moment I will myself to SEE

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still exist in memories and relationship ties that I know hurt and damage my beingness here as I think that I cannot stop such thoughts

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define me as an emotional person and within that, allowing me to experience extreme emotions because ‘that’s who I am’ not realizing that  we aren’t our thoughts, feelings or emotions that merely keep us bounded to a way of being and denying LIFE that is who and waht we really are.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think believe and perceive that I am unable, that I cannot control myself within emotions without the help of someone or something and in doing so, allowing me to think that I am dangerous and that I cannot stop myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately and unnecessarily sedate myself so I don’t have to face what is to face as my creation, my own relationships and my own thoughts.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to forgive her for all the damage she did on to my life without realizing that I participated in such
relationship and that I have to face myself I am able to control my emotions, I do not accept and allow myself to think, believe and perceive that I can only control myself while under the influence of medication.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within thoughts and definitions of not being able to be as ‘good’ as I used to beI move on and forgive myself for what I’ve done and what I have become

I forgive myself that I havea ccepted and allowed myself to define me as being ugly both physically and emotionally not realizing that none of that is who I really am but who I am as life, as being here, that’s it

I forgive myself that I havea ccepted and allowed myself to rely on what’s ‘good and bad’ ‘right or wrong’ to define myself accordingly not realizing that all I am and all I am required to realize is to move accordingly to what’s best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to condition myself according to ‘who i think myself to be’ within my mind instead of realizing that changing myself begins by a statement made in self honesty, meaning, who i really am beyond my own personality, my own mind but as all as one and equal.

I forgive myself that I havea ccepted and allowed myself to still be affected here by memories of my childhood, my family, my relationships instead of realizing that they are merely memories which aren’t here, yet they create a drag.

I forgive myself that I havea ccepted and allowed myself to define myself as abusive instead of doing something to stop my actions as being an abuser

I forgive myself that I havea ccepted and allowed myself to define me as lonely, depressed because of not being able to respect myself as life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel used and stupid because of the situations I’ve put myself through

I forgive myself that I have acceptd and allowed myself to hate myself and had the idea to stop such hate without realizing that it is an immediate decision to stop who I have abecome and what I think of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use alcohol as a way to escape myself from who I am and what I’ve become

I forgive myself that i Have accepted and allwoed myself to use attempts to commit suicide as a way to hold people in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create such inner turmoil within myself that takes me to desire killing myself if not having who i want by my side in this life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself tothink, believe and perceive that the other person is being cruel to me not realizing that I am merely being cruel to myself by not loving myself unconditionally and allowing to harm my own body in means of being someone for another one.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use alcohol as a way to stop feeling, to numb myself to sleep so I stop thinking not realizing that I am able to stop this without the need of alcohol or another drug

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to get help from others that are willing to support me because of me locking myself to not HEAR and place into application that which I’m being shared with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that external situations are the ones holding me down instead of

realizing that I am the one still holding on to such crutches.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create worst-case scenarios for what’s to come within people in my life instead of taking self

responsibility and changing that which I believe will be ‘the way things are’

I forgive myself that Ih ave accepted and allowed myself to think that I am tired of life, not realizing that I am merely tired of my mind as the directive

principle of me here, because life doesn’t get tired nor does it create tiredness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place myself in trapped cycles within relationships where I know that the hurt and suffering

of being left by my partner has gone off after a while, instead of breaking such cycles from repeating all over again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire and depend on having a relationship with someone in this world to be someone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think believe and perceive that is perfectly normal to lose a partner, mourn the loss and then move on to seek for another one to repeat the same cycles.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I cannot stop my thoughts and my ways of ‘functioning’ by stopping thoughts and not allowing me to suffer anymore and instead think that time will be the only ‘healer’ within this situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stop myself by the loss of my partner and in doing so, losing my ability to move, to be stable and to provide for myself while getting a job again. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that sleeping the pain off is a solution to stop my suffering

I do not accept and allow myself to stick to my mind as thoughts of self destruction

I do not accept and allow myself to follow thoughts that lead me to depression as my inability to move and stop such feelings that create distress and turmoil within myself.

I stand here

I breathe as I am here

I am Life as all therefore I do not accept and allow myself to be anything less than life

I do not accept and allow myself to flirt with suicide in order to stop and create a solution to my problems

I do not accept and allow myself to fear being alone

I do not accept and allow myself to still exist in hope and wait for someone to save me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall in the ideal of love and creating expectations that, while not being achieved, create disillusionment as sadness, depression and loss of will to live.

I do not accept and allow myself to think that I’m unable to change myself to stand in stability and work with what’s here for what’s best for all.

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About Marlen

I share my realizations and perspectives within learning how to live life in self-honesty in the Desteni Process to expand and grow as a person in this world. #IMatter View all posts by Marlen

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