I was invited by my friend Y. to his internet radio show to be the co-host and the person that was invited was an anthropologist from the States to discuss the city and the ‘living’ we have within it. It is quite challenging for me to do this as they are people who take what’s here as the reality we live in – in this case, cities – from a theoretical perspective, from what others have written in books which could merely be just another desteni video really, lol. It’s fascinating seeing how these ‘great intellectuals’ got to common sense points and make books about it ‘ without everyone seeing that this is what we are all living, something that is here, that is and has become our reality, what we and who we really are as our creation. So from this perspective, I see how this woman named Nancy particularly quotes these other philosophers and sociologists and writers who describe the relationships we create while living in a city.
WE got to the point – which is already quite known to all of us aware of desteni material – that capitalism -a.k.a. god’s kingdom of money and enslavement as individualized self interest – permeates, infiltrates and directs each and every single relationship that may exist in our world because everything is based on how the system works. Our ways of ‘having fun’, socializing, being ‘part of’ a community are based on different levels within a society where MONEY is the dictator, the ruler that decides and categorizes everything that exists within a perceptual value/worth of things and people as if LIFE was possible to be tagged, drained, sucked dry as being numbers, social classes, amount of material wealth and family names – amongst other innumerable facts that segregate ourselves while we STILL allow such abominations towards ourselves as who we really are.
So within this, life within a city as social relationships are merely the extension of our inner selves that co-create, re create and externalize our inner conditions into the outside, creating the chaos, the fear, the insecurity and all around madness that we are currently "living" in and as, which is completely absurd because: we are ALL aware of this situation in our lives. Even in rural places these ways of relating to others are based at times as the ones in the city. Self interest rules as we are only with people that will apparently give us some benefit because we still cannot fathom being one and equal to ‘the other’ as me because, what would that GIVE ME in exchange? This is where we create, accept and allow separation. Why doing such a Thing? So in this Nancy Churchill, the antropologist, explained how the accumulation creates separation and basically got to the same points we’ve seen within money discussions as that need for survival becoming ‘the way of life’ of many beings and how they have virtually no opportunity to overcome such ways of living as there are no opportunities for such beings to go beyond their poor life conditions. She also pointed out someone else’s thoughts on getting back to the HUMAN side of ourselves.
She would explain how we all live in one path – which I would see something similar to our preprogrammed lives – where we merely follow and do what everyone else is doing, living in separation yet, along the way in a ‘parallel’ side – so to speak – there was this life with no limitation and separation as life, as human beings and that there was merely this curtain/barrier dividing ourselves from fully embracing ourselves as humans – meaning as life as one and equal as who we really are – while still moving and directing ourselves within this world. This was a cool point that we got to and it’s cool seeing that I’ve read no sociology books that she’s read, that she’s probably some 35 years older than me but STILL we got to the very same points because all of the factors mentioned don’t mean anything at all when common sense is the point.
In the radio program I said how important it is to see ourselves as ALL as one as equal because the non-caring towards others creates separation and keeps us bound to what we currently are and live in such places we’ve defined as cities which are merely a reflection of ourselves, our creation in separation.
Nancy explained how she agrees that it will be quite a difficult task to realize this WHOLE – Totality as some guy in a theory ‘called’ it and to open ourselves to others beginning by those who are around us in our immediate environment, because we’ve become so defined and limited by our social relations that is is almost an extension of a job, a club, a cult we may exist as, not realizing that there are real opportunities to see ourselves as the other-one beyond any monetary reward – which exists as a usual reason for relationships to exist. I was there and brought down what could’ve been a more ‘theoretical’ – meaning atmospheric talk to get down to earth to the essence of such discussion and taking what’s practical of all knowledge and information this or that other man might’ve said. THey all got their common sense yet, some prevail in mere theories that define what’s here without bringing/giving perspective on practical solutions, this is the great part we get at Desteni where we get down and dirty with realizing ourselves by facing all our acceptances and allowances at an individual level while realizing "oh shit, this also exists in everyone else, we truly are the same!" meaning: what we are able to do and live to change ourselves.
I also commented on starting by ourselves and that we can begin changing our perspective towars others and realizing that nothing will change if we keep bound to the same system that supports such separation and such dead relationships. I said ‘dead’ relationships and Nancy pointed out that in fact everything’s constantly moving and changing so she probably didn’t get hte point of us actually being dead as systems – not living life yet, the program doesn’t last that much but the cool point is that there was people saying that it was cool that we shared our perspectives and made them ‘think’ about what we’ve said on changing ourselves, considering ourselves one and equal to finally LIVE the ‘city’ as humans (which they see as ‘life’)
At the end of the show I commented to Nancy that by creating such concept of a city we are already establishing the way a city currently exists, we’re co-creating it while defining its relationships and ways of existing. See how we define and we suck dry our own selves by doing such things as thinking, categorizing, defining, etc.
Well it was cool experience even though I wasn’t in such mint state as I have tonsilitis at the moment. Found the point! Self interest, merely that, self interest and so I broke down the point where I am standing in inequality towrards beings in my world while creating such ‘specialness’ which I have experienced/done/created before and in that way looping myself extensively.
I also had a rough day from being at A’s house and having his mother coming to visit and them fighting all over again over stupid points and it was just the same bullshit over and over again as in the past. Fuck kit was actually pushing through my resistance of being a mother as well and telling A that he’s wrong. Trying to see the common sense within such situation where he feels the owner of the house and treats his mother as an unpleasant visitor because she ‘breaks’ his order is quite uncomfortable to witness, because they yell at each other for some minutes then he goes to excuse himself – literally – and go back to being loving family. This is a never ending cycle and I cannot and will not judge his mother anymore but all I can say is that I really stood there to make see A. that it is HER house and she’s able to do whatever she wants yet he excuses himself with defining him as having obsessive-compulsive disorder since he was a little kid, going with a mop behind his aunts that came to visit so they wouldn’t spoil the floors. Yikes, the worst thing is I saw myself within that as well, the cleanliness point in spaces that you keep clean while being alone. So I actually shared the story when my mother and sister went to my apartment in mexico city and I treated them awfully, also wanting everything to remain in such museum order that their mere presence bothered me to the core. Cleaning floors and everything that got footprints because of them actually just being there and not realizing how much I was bothered by them spoiling my ‘oh so precious order’ . The result was my sister crying for me treating them so badly and saying that they would never go back and stay there, which they have actully done. So I said that I felt awful afterwards when having my other sister making me see that it is an apartment that my father pays for and so, I had no right to be so obsessive and rude towards them. it wasn’t my intention yet, I wasn’t aware of how uncomfortable it made them feel. Yikes
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to make people uncomfortable by my desire, need and apparent requirement to have everything around me in order, clean and ‘in its right place’ because if not, it creates discomfort within me
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allwoed myself to define myself as having obsessive-compuslive disorder when being alone and in doing so, wanting everything to be all shining clean all the time.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not take others into consideration while giving myself into the need to see everything clean and therefore, placing myself toc lean the place compulsively
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define dirtyness as ‘unacceptable’ within a living environment
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel in control while everything’s in ‘its right place’, clean and in perfect order
I forgive myslef that I have acceptd and allowed myself to judge attitudes within A that also exist within me therefore not realizing that I am actually judgin myself directly as I have acted the very same way he was doing.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire running away from conflicts instead of realizing the common sense within such problem, share it and make a point of actual change within family relationships.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become quite frustrated with A’s mother visit
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be bothered by A’s attitude towards guests at home and the cleaning of the house because I have done and experienced similar situation and similar reactions to dirtyness and disorder
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge A as being sick while having obsessive-compulsive dissorder
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider myself as incapable of talking with his mother because of his mother’s attitude – I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from his mother while judging her
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge A’s mother as insecure, immature, over-dramatic and hyperbolic
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there’s a way to justify the fact that most kids have bad relationships with their parents
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel a rivalry with A’s mother because of her wanting to control him not realizing that I do the same thing
So yes I also helped him paint the room where he cuts hair, painting it red and listening to cool music was nice experience. I enjoy painting being it walls or actual paintings, moving the brush and creating/modifying a place a something is actually cool. So that was it.
I stop the separation that exists towards people that I happen to judge because I see myself in them as well. Mirror, mirror.