A Puzzle is an image that was cut down in thousands of little pieces that once were obviously ‘held together as one’ – yet they were cut out to make this image-recreation as a hobby, a past time, a way to entertain ourselves in ‘seeking ourselves’, seeking those pieces that surely fit around us but hey, imagine a 6 billion piece of puzzle as humanity and other couple of millions or billions as nature and the animal kingdom to conform the WHOLE picture of existence. Well, WE were the ones that created of life something complicated when Life isn’t complicated, we were the ones that set the cutting rules and shaped ourselves as part of a whole in the illusion of being unique. So, each piece in the puzzle is different yet equal in expression – made out of the same stuff – that conforms the ‘greater picture’ which is all.
I’ve noticed that I’m actually ‘learning’ how to enjoy other’s expressions instead of going into immediate comparison and self judgment towards others meaning, being equal to everyone else yet with an individual expression. THis goes while for example I’m at the workshop and my mates there goof around or talk about whatever it is going in their world and express themselves – I enjoy that, it’s just them being there being themselves in their expression and instead of comparing myself to them or rating them as ‘me being able to be friends with’ etc, I embrace all and by that it’s like complete acceptance of another, without judging – this is quite a turn because I see that a lot of jealousy would exist within me when I saw someone expressing themselves just unconditionally.
Like I see this girl that is S’s gf and she just enjoys splashing water at his bf and running around and doing stuff that I reacted to in that moment because I see I haven’t allowed myself to be that ‘careless’ because I would think ‘ OH no that’s too silly and childish to do’ yet who knows! I might be missing great way of expressing myself that way – stuff like that. So INsted of going with all the judgements I see that girl is me and so it’s as if ALL in the individual expressions conform the WHOLE picture as one, as each one of us is the piece of the puzzle and each one has a different shape yet we’re all the same, and we’re all required to exist to bring out the final product – which will only happen when we all come together and bond with each other as unconditional embracing and support towards one another.
So actually it’s like step by step going embracing myself as everyone and everything around me, like considerating everything from a ‘new’ perspective yet a much si mple one. Stopping myself from going into immediate tagging and judgment and justification of an identity created for someone else in separation of me. So I don’t judge people as: oh that one’s too quiet, that one looks insecure, that one looks pissed off, that one is goofy, that one is just bitter – lol – it’s like: I focus on me and I stop myself – that way I embrace myself and stop any mind separation. This is the current ongoing process within me.
So I notice that when I’m working, for example, in making an etching I completely let go of any thoughts that usually would run aroudn my mind so that’s cool. I see how and why we require to dedicate ourselves to something, because it’s us expressing ourselves as something that we enjoy doing, that’s it. With regards to this ‘doing’ supporting life, that’s still my big question mark within what I do, but I’m certainly seeing that there’s stuff that aren’t necessarily from ‘the stuff’ I do, but it involves getting along with others, which is quite cool and I enjoy myself.
I enjoy laughing along with others of the stuff they might say, do, sing or blabber about. I enjoy seeing free and careless expressions of others as well. If only the world could be a bit more like an ‘art school’ crowd, lol. That’s why I enjoy myself around there, though, we are able to stand in this life free in expression – careless – childish! and be free like that. I mean, I did have this ‘programming’ of having to make of my life this serious thing to ‘be’, that when I would reach a certain age I would have to go into wearing heels and appropriate ‘adulthood’ clothes, lol, yes I really thought that and with that the rest would follow – just like an ‘I’m an adult, I am serious’ character. No way.
Well this mate at the workshop got today a bit confused and perplexed because on his way to the school in the metro lines a person jumped out to commit suicide. So it was really hell of a situation because all trains stopped and no one knew for certain what was happening – he got to listen by being near the cabin – and so he said how people yelled ‘Oh fuck, now i’m going to be late to MY job because of some fucker decided to kill himself today’ I mean, fuck. ANd this is just ONE person doing this and he said how the environment got quite tense for many reasons and so he says it was the worst experience he’s had in his lifetime there in the city, in the metro. Well, he was quite unstable and so I said: O – breathe! and yeah he went out and chilled and was fine later, he was singing and having fun as always but he did say before that how jsut for those moments everything just seemed WRONG in this world, watching all the adds that cover up the city, traffic, people, he was quite overwhelmed and so I said: ah well! that’s just how I see things around here as well! – but surprised me that such events had to happen in order for them to actually just stop for a moment and look all around out of their automated lives. wow.
This is a sentence that ‘s become quite like the motto when stuff like this happens: "Humanity is in for a rough awakening" yes, from some desteni video.
So in this stopping me, it all becomes ‘easier’ meaning less inner struggle, and being able to go through automated stuff as well without the usual time spent on nagging and complaining and judging – so I breathe, stop, focus and keep going.
There’s this guy that has been sort of keeping an eye on myself and wants to ‘go out’ again. I thought I had been direct the last time on me not being interested on any kind of relationship. It really makes me wonder why the fuck is he insisting so much in seeing me? i mean, people usually look for people when they are interested in something, specially if he’s not even ‘interested’ in knowing more of what I’m ‘about’ now – meaning process – so, I won’t either go close myself off. I’ll go and just see what it is that he’s actually ‘expecting’ or wanting if he does expect or want anything from me. Well this actually could be about me thinking and believing that ‘I have nothing to give’ to another or that I cannot be ‘merely presence-enjoyed’ and so… this probably brings up stuff that I’ve had in the past as well. Like when i would always write about ‘what does he want from me?’ meaning any friend that I would have at that time.
I really look at these situations of going out for a coffee and stuff where we usually talk on rather superifical stuff because he avoids going into the deep core of the situations and so to me it’s like… ah yeah music, yeah cool yet what else is In there? – so I’ll see. I am testing myself and even though i make all these questions I know that it’s part of what I’m walking here and I’ll simply direct myself in every moment, there’s nothing to fear or doubt about so I’ll see what happens.
I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to go into immediate judgment and comparison towards myself as others according to my opinions and perceptionf of others as being compatible or different than me
I forgive myself that i accepted and allowed myself to base my experience towards others according to them being – within my perception – cool or not, defining them as an opinion that I created as myself, as having the ‘power’ to see who is who within this world, which led me to the ultimate separation of myself
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be jealous of other’s ‘cheesy’ expression as that of a girl acting like ‘too girly’ and me judging her as being too girly and sassy – yet stopped, corrected myself and allowed her to express and be
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ever go into judgment and bitter mode while seeing others doing something that I deemed myself incapable of doing.
I forgive mysefl that i never accepted and allowed myself to enjoy someone ‘else’ as who they are in every moment of their expression, and instead always having gone into limitations of me wanting them to ‘be’ something else so i could like them or be with them.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to have such ingrained ways of ‘ classifying’ people as me liking them or not and according to that, defining who I would ‘enjoy being with’ and who I just would keep myself away from.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that it was ‘normal’ for one to judge and have ‘favorite’ people in this wold which led me into creating myself as a ‘special being’ that chooses ‘special beings’ to be with that suited my mind definitions and expectations of myself projected on to others.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to deem impossible to treat everyone ‘the same’ as something would always ‘leak’ and create specialness towards another, not realizing tha tthis only goes on when still existing as opinions and preferences of the mind which aren’t real, which separate ourselves.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always go into i mmediate comparison according to ‘who I am’ or ‘what I’ve done’ when being faced with something or someone that is apparently ‘someone else out there’ and doing or being something or in a way that I haven’t ‘tried out’ therefore, feeling ‘less than’ becuase of thinking that I’m not capable of doing the same they or that thing does.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself just because of following and existing in the pursuit of my personal interests as ‘who and what’ suited myself according to the ‘who i am’ in this world as a mind system, never realizing that all exists as life as me therefore I do not accept and allow myself to be guided by self interest, by self limitations as identification with all that I THINK myself to be, which separates the moment I define myself as something within this world.
Well, I’m back home and enjoying.
suggest you enjoy yourselves and not get limited by any mind perception, idea, belief of how ‘things have to be’