Self Forgivness: worm can opener

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into polarity manifestation of love/hate towards people I engaged myself within a relationship

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go from love and appreciation to someone to the opposite as disgust/discomfort towards G as the man I created a relationship with based in dishonesty and self interest

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others such as A and G for allowing me to get into habits and ideas of myself that apparently ‘damaged’ myself, never realizing that it wasn’t them but myself that accepted and allowed such compromises and self definitions to be part of their world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire ‘getting rid’ of certain events in my life and get it done now, not realizing that there are layers to peel off and that I have to be patient to actually see the whole construct I existed as relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel stupid for having gone through a whole year loop within a relationship thinking that I could’ change’ someone never really understanding – yet learning the ‘hard long way’ that I cannot change anything or anyone but myself, that being self honest isn’t about being it towards anyone but myself.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel like a fool for believing that I had the power and influence to change my experience with someone as ‘bettering’ it, not realizing that it isn’t about being better than ‘who I was’ but just being here, no definitions and no limitations, embracing all as myself without judging and defining experiences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create yet other feelings and definitions for the men I existed in relationship with as being uncomfortable by the thought of them, as being disgusted by their ways of being and overall dislike, not realizing that within this I am existing in polarity manifestation as the complete opposite I used to exist as towards them while being in a relationship

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in quite huge shame and regret for having accepted and allowed getting into those relationships that were based in self interest

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create yet other ideas and perceptions towards G as now being regretting and disappointed of myself for allowing me to get into such a relationship as wanting to see it as a ‘bad’ thing to do not realizing that I’m creating a polarity within good/bad right/wrong love/hate that isn’t allowing me to fully forgive myself, embrace him as me without any further definitions towards him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire erasing my past so I don’t have to face every single deed, thought and action I created within myself as the idea of who I am within a relationship and what is to be/do and act according to being with someone in a relationship, by doing this completely forgetting about myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a general feeling of despise towards G because of who he always was within the relationship yet I blinded myself to see the truth by the mask and cover up of ‘love’ ‘acceptance’ and ‘understanding’ not realizing and seeing that it was merely the acceptance of dishonesty within him as myself.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to mirror myself in relationships with beings that weren’t honest within themselves and existed in a complete self denial as being addicted to drugs and sex to get rid of self responsibility as what it is that we were doing towards each other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having desired fix my relationships by creating yet another mask to be with those people, instead of merely releasing myself from such relationship constructs and allowing them to be without me defining and judging them once again.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire blaming others for my self dishonesty, blaming the men I experienced myself within relationship as the ones that ‘misguided’ me, never realizing that I placed myself within that, that I sought desperatedly to ‘live’ within a relationship with people that weren’t so ‘into’ society, within this merely seeking for ways to be with someone existing in complete oblivion and disregard of ourselves as who we are while supporting each other’s habits and addictions.

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to define love as the supporting of a habit that apparently did ‘good’ on me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry at myself for not having seen what I was doing to myself and another person while being in a relationship supporting dishonesties, addictions and habits of ourselves to feed our egos, our ways to flee from ourselves and dare to tag these manifestations as ‘love’ and ‘care’

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to abuse sex in the name of love

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to allow myself abuse others and myself while considering it part of ‘being in love’

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to accept the dishonesties in a partner/friend just because of thinking that it is ‘human nature’ to not be perfect, and by not being perfect understanding: it is ok to be dishonest at some points.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having looked out for acceptance and care within relationships that actually misguided because I was yearning for some love and companion and ‘comprehension’ towards ‘who I am’ therefore, supporting my self definition as being an ‘outcast’ a ‘weird girl’ that apparently needed other ‘weird guys’ to define ourselves as ‘not being of this world’

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to consider it cool to be with someone that would help and support me to flee from myself through using drugs, sex or any other diversion point

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to abuse my self expression as sex by using it as means to flee from myself, as a hobbie, as something to do when being with partner because that apparently would make us feel alive and together and ‘in love’

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that those relationships were wrong and ‘fucked me up’ completely because if it wasn’t for those relationships and experiences, I wouldn’t have known how far I can go in separation of myself. I embrace my past and stop being in conflict with who i was and what I allowed myself to be and become while seeking for love.

I do not accept and allow myself to be tormented and haunted by my past, existing in regret of ‘how I could’ve changed the experience’ because I was completely blind at that time, not wanting to see and realize what is it that I was doing to myself and the person I was involved with while existing in such deliberate and supported self dishonesty within a relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to kid myself into thinking that I can get rid of my past as easy as writing once about it, not realiizng that there are layers to peel off that will come as time goes by.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in much self blame and regret for not having been ‘smart’ enough to know where I was leading myself and others within a relationship, never taking into consideration the consequences of such relationship but only focusing on self interest and what existed ‘in the moment’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create disgust towards myself and others with whom I was in relationship with because of now being able to see clearly what I was doing to myself.

I do not accept and allow myself to go into a relationship that misguides ever again, I won’t ever again support dishonesties in the name of ‘love’ and ‘comprehension’ to support each other’s idea of who we are within this world and how is it that we are ‘meant to be’ because everything that is ‘meant to be’ is a system, is preprogrammed and limited. Who we are isn’t limited, isn’t defined by concepts, definitions and perceptions of ourselves within this world, because we are all

I stop self judgment towards myself and those with whom I experienced myself in a relationship with.

I let go of memories that keep me bound to a past that isn’t here anymore, I take the past here as me, apply forgiveness and let it go. I give myself back to me in self honesty.

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About Marlen

I share my realizations and perspectives within learning how to live life in self-honesty to expand and grow as a person in this world. #IMatter View all posts by Marlen

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