Woke up from a dream where I was being explained why humanity exists, something having to do with it existing to be this multiple versions of self creating relationships and establishing all these ideas of self so we then might understand what it is to be one and equal – in a way it was like part of the process, humanity existing as it does at this moment, so we may make sure not to ever get to this point again, this time ensuring that we don’t forget our past. Something like this yet it seemed that I was understanding some stuff in there but I woke up to go to school today.
Had to spend 5 hours (!!!) in the bus on the way to mexico city. Fuck, if i complained about those 3 hours last thursday, this was over the top. I remained breathing so i wouldn’t go into unnecessary worries and concerns, worst-case scenarios were considered in my mind yet I remained calm, reading, falling asleep. There had been an accident on the highway and it was partially closed but we spent like 2 hours to get through less than 3km, it was insane, completely insane. I had this man sitting next to me complaining about everything and being too sarcastic and negative on the situation, I just remained quiet and didn-t follow his complains yet I ended up changing seat because the sun was burning my skin already, so I was much better in another place. Ehm ah yes I remember now.
In the first part of my dreams I allowed myself to smoke a joint after being persuaded by my ex/friend A. I remember it wasn’t even such a "questioning" within myself, I just went for it. And I experienced myself just like that one time when I was quite addicted to coffee and I hadn’t drank coffee in a week and getting my first cup after a week making me feel like "heaven" and almost crying on the excitement / that was the kind of experience with smoking again and so I woke up and I got mad at myself for having smoked in my dream, not even re/considering it. And my first impressions were> why am I not yet completely self honest in my dreams!? well dreams are showing me where I exist in separation and self doubt probably.
And then I get other comments in my 21 days of no weed video with regards to another use of drugs without it being a habit and so on, so it’s as if I’m being quite radical within myself towards this, going to complete polarities. Therefore I really question myself with regards to the use of such drugs, specifically weed. In my dream I really just enjoyed it after a long time / I realize that I had been feeling "proud" about the fact that I’m soon going to make one year of no weed which is very cool yet, lol, dreams tempting me / well it isn’t tempting but showing how I deeply react to this and how I then react to the same even once awake and full blown mentally equiped to react in denial of such experiences.
So basically I spent one third of my day on the road, cool I had a great bok to read with me while having to remain in the bus for hours… I got to workshop and could only get a print out of the etching I-m working on and my mates there liked it a lot, even congratulated me which felt weird in a way yet it-s not finished and so… once again reacting to these "compliments" yet I do like that drawing as well. Then post some pictures in my blog (milklatte.blogspot.com) and 2 minutes later there are these people I don-t know commenting about the pics…
So greatest point in application today was to remain within and as breath through this 5 hour bus nightmare, I mean I got out of my parent-s house at 7:15 am and got home here at 2:00 pm. pff 7 hours total! crazy yet didn-t lose my nerve.
Currently reading the wingmakers posts in forum, and find fascinating stuff that is quite similar to desteni and it basically explains the same / even similar words / it really broadens the information and what is currently going on earth / just as another "source" to confirm the obvious. So it-s quite interesting and it’s cool how he warns that all the info is quite ‘heavy’ etc, but at the moment it’s just like going through desteni once again yet now it is like drinking water / simple / and very cool explanation on the breath and the infinite moment as well.
Wrote self forgiveness on the bus as well, fearing not having enough money to go to SA if the dollar continues going up the hill here, all the frustration on money being a limiant and feeling bad because it-s my father’s money. And on this weed dream and other stuff lingering around as the secret mind based on repetitive thoughts that are used by the mind to remain connected to consciousness. Yep
Going to sleep now, thanks