The thoughts I chose myself to be and become

So let’s see – I have disregarded the effect that some apparent ‘simple words’ may do in another’s world. This is how I am actually noticing how important is to speak in self honesty every time, otherwise we don’t have an idea of what we can be supporting and/or creating within another’s world without awareness – meaning, when speaking without awareness.

I forgive myself that I have ever accepted and allowed myself to share and speak towards someone without being aware of the actual meaning of the words, being dishonest in speaking words that aren’t here as myself, but that are opinions, judgments and creations of the mind that do not support life, but support separation and the individualized consideration as ‘respecting’ another within their own mindset

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to give an advice that suited me without being aware of what is it that I was saying towards any particular person without placing myself within their shoes to see what’s best for all, but actually only considering and regarding my point of view, my opinion and perception towards such particular point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever speak words that defined and limited myself within a mindset that was created and built by me, taking information as opinions, beliefs, ideas, judgments and assessments made by others that I decided to take as ‘mine’ and within that forming an idea of myself, of who I am and how I stand towards the world from my individual perspective, never taking into consideration that within "choosing" what to think and believe, i was separating myself from everything else that I chose to not think as or believe in – within this allowing me to be separated from any other being within the world as me by defining me as the thoughts I chose myself to be and become

Yes I think one of the most important videos I’ve watched are those short ones made by Bernard talking about opinions not being real. i remember that I was at my then friend’s house and I watched that and the common sense directed in that video just ‘blew my mind’ as I was just having discussions on that and I wasn’t being able to find the right words to express how we’ve chosen certain points of view as ourselves and we live that out – and that is one of the messages that has stuck in my head ever since I first watched it, so obvious yet we didn’t see it before with such simplicity, because it involves seeing that all we think we are we aren’t, lol – we just are, there’s nothing to think about

Ok so this came as I spent the afternoon with probably the only friend that’s left and that’s following me through this process and testing things for himself with regards to the revealing of himself and taking responsibility and directing himself. In his language you can hear the words ‘allowing and accepting’ ‘taking self responsibility’ ‘being here’ ‘breathe’ ‘support life’ and his favorite so far: living the words. This, as we both made those internet radio shows on living the words, he got in quite a crisis within himself because he’s been such a ‘theorist lover’, mostly the intellectual kind of person that is able to swallow books and get the core out of them – he sometimes gets cool stuff from that but some other times he is just now realizing and recognizing what a big mindfuck some of the ‘considered bright minds’ have where they certainly were able to speak and write theories of events and situations which they didn’t even live first had, meaning, they didn’t live their words, they never appiied their theories. This is why, I explained to him as well, I never resonated with his way of seeing the world before through other thinker’s words and theories and perspectives. He has said to me today how he’s getting fed up with that intellectual side of him – and I don’t mean to uplift the guy here but he has impressed even some of the ‘big thinkers’ around here – it’s being so cool seeing that he’s veering more towards his creative side, his inner side that wants to stop babbling and get himself to live words as him. And events in his life are unfolding so that he’s been able to actually unchain himself from limitations presented as people or relationships in his world that kept him ‘down’ in a way, and he’s beginning to stand up, to expand himself. And it’s even cooler when he shares this unraveling of himself with other friends, let’s say that: we are on a roll.

One interesting fact is that his partner told him ‘like marlen said: let’s not speak words that don’t support life’ and I see this as then an alert to myself, seeing that hey… what I speak and ‘merely share’ towards someone may really have an impact on them, so it made me realize that whatever I am and share towards another does have an effect if the being also takes the words as them. It’s not about ‘me as marlen’ saying them, but me in self honesty as one and equal with the being I’m talking with, and it’s cool seeing that there are some people that are really listening – also I point out the fact that this guy that "quoted me" is quite young and once more, I see that the younger, the most open and receptive to the simplicity of just being, breathing and being life. This is cool.

And then some guy popped in his house, quite a self declared alcHOLEic (yep that word was detected by Niklas in fact) and he had played out some drama last friday and we – my friend and I – talked with him about it. He apologized with us for what he’d done – the guy barely remembers what he said or did that night and it was cool seeing how my friend directed the situation and making him see that he doesn’t have to apologize towards ourselves, but to himself, that it’s all about him in fact and how he has to stop the situation if he is really sorry about it. It was cool for me to face someone like him because I did have some reactions towards his persona and judging him as an attention seeker the other night while getting drunk and talking about his esoteric stuff and experiences … quite a show really, though I saw within myself today – now seeing him being sober and really seeing that the guy had no fucking idea of what he’d done that night – I could see that no one in his drunkster carreer had told him this and so we said that we won’t be allowing and accepting this to be done by anyone, meaning the whole self destruction phase when a being decides to take alcohol for the fun and apparent enjoyment of it, hiding the self destruction entailed within it, a way to flee from themselves. I could see that while talking with him he accepted it all and realized the common sense within it, having to stop to really see for himself. We pointed out about taking self responsibility because he knows that he can’t even remember the stuff he did and the aggression that came out while being lost in the hole of the alcohol and he’s quite aware that other people he’s been with drinking don’t give a damn about him just collapsing into the floor.  

I had to stop any reactions of feeling pity or sorry for him, as that would be self judgment and self pity, I just unconditionally listened, spoke when I decided I had to add something to what my friend was sharing – which is basically what I spoke to him some time ago with regards to the same issue – alcohol – and see the cool thing within this is that I see that once you place this in ‘motion’ so to speak, meaning speaking and sharing your experience and what we are busy doing as revealing ourselves to ourselves it creates a self commitment, it is now of common domain so to speak because you are standing up for one as all and within this, others may see what changes you’ve actually made within your life according to your words and the experience/process one is sharing. My friend’s friend – the girl that visited some days ago – really noticed big changes in him, of him stepping forwards and letting go of fears and insecurities and it’s very cool because then they know what this process is about, what we’re standing up for and what we are accepting and allowing and what we aren’t in our worlds. It’s cool to see this, and maybe this guy that drinks and loses himself might actually ‘grab’ something out of our conversation and see the nature of himself and stop. Though we made clear that no one will save him, no one will help him or will be helpful towards him if he’s not deciding to stand up for himself first.

What else is more important within this world at this very moment but stopping the self abuse that’s been supported by each other in the guise of entertainment and enjoyment that’s been so supported by all media and social activities in our world? What is more important than sharing ourselves unconditionally with people, not mattering how far they have ‘flawn away’ from themselves using alcohol or drugs or anything else to not face themselves? These people don’t need anyone judging them or discriminating them, but actually need to listen to other human beings that have probably gone through similar situations and see the actual resullts of being standing up from that to stop and see and eventually, forgive ourselves. This guy immediately nodded when I spoke of self forgiveness, as if knowing that it is the only way to clear ourselves from what we’ve become – which I made clear: it isn’t pretty, it isn’t magnificent – it is what is and we stop it – self revelation isn’t cute really but we have to step over the mud to be able to get to the core of who we are and be as life.

So I’ll be going back to school, I cannot say anything else about what I did on this week, seems a bit of lost time within my mind but I enjoyed simplicity as being dancing around with music, walking, sharing moments with others, with shakti…. etc – it was a real kind of vacation I guess

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel frustrated and be bothered by the heat that I’m experiencing at the moment

yes have to transcend that heat-hate I have because of the discomfort I get of being sweating and having drops running down my face.

Ok thanks.


About Marlen

I share my realizations and perspectives within learning how to live life in self-honesty in the Desteni Process to expand and grow as a person in this world. #IMatter View all posts by Marlen

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