So I’m Here – haven’t written in days I know but I’ve been busy doing things that needs to get arranged. I actually stood until sunday in mexico city, going out of my apartment just to get food and the necessary stuff. The threat of the pig flu virus went up and up and school got suspended until may 6th, so I definitely decided to go back to homecity and stay here during this period of time. It was cool staying there though, I got to fix many things in my apartment, clean things that I had been procrastinating on doing like cleaning the studio room’s floor – yes lots of paint blotches on it and it was also a trip back to my past while seeing the stuff I used to make and the stuff I kept for supposed ‘future works’ involving trash mainly, lol. I’m getting rid of it all.
It was quite interesting going out of the apartment and leaving to come here to homecity because I got to see what was really going on with this virus threat. Streets were mostly empty- a trip I would usually make in about 50 minutes was done in about 25, 30 – there was no one in the subway, and everyone at the busstation was wearing these surgical masks. I got handed two of them for free in order to step into the bus, so i did wear that. Getting here was quite another atmosphere – not so much fear – and people were even together in fair-like places having fun. So I stood at home fixing things as well, cleaning, getting rid of shit – I’ve been doing this for few weeks now, lots of flashbacks come when doing this.
For example I found these letters and pictures of my old ‘best friend’ and seeing myself being ‘so happy’ with him was kind of cool but at the same time realizing the nature of such friendship and the other side of it -which clearly wasn’t part of any of those ‘nice’ pictures – and remembered how much I also endured while being with him, while considering ourselves as ‘soulmates’ – and yes applied some self forgiveness on a bit of nostalgia that came up with seeing that, lol I looked so different, I was a goth-like punky rocky girl lol. I have already discussed here in this blog what I went through with this friend ‘L’ and yes, it’s cool that there are no hurt feelings or begrudge towards that. It just happened, part of my past and I just boxed it.
I realize all the stuff I have and how I’ve built myself around that stuff – some stuff I do consider it was completely unnecessary to get/buy/have so I’m realizing what I did in means of following my imposed patterns of buying and keeping and collecting shit. Like I have these bunch of music magazines that I used to buy so religiously, or cd’s …
Anyways getting to the real core and essence of my experience coming back here. Fiirst of all is being and staying with family for a whole week and yes, they still talk over and over the same shit – and I’m here merely bringing some common sense points with regards to the whole virus thing within the country and death and making them aware of this situation as part of the whole process we’re currently living in. Not to live in fear, not to fear, but simply realize what the virus is actually saying and doing and acting upon – which goes along with process of self honesty –
People are buying food and meds out of fear, out of panic – I saw that myself when I went to the supermarket with my mother and everyone was just carrying loads of milk, canned food, cereal and whatnot. Fear creates fear – and people when seeing that the supermarket’s parking lot was packed, they began entering by the exit and so a bit of a chaos was beginning to be created by people of course.
AND I didn’t feel the earthquake here, lol – I was downtown at some government dependency getting some papers at that time – better that way as usually it’s quite a risk to be downtown because of all the old buildings around when an earthquake takes place.
So this is kind of an update – will see what develops, I’m ok, breathing, breathing through a surgical mask when being outside which ertainly brings you literally back to being aware of teh breath. If people stop going to work these days and everything else is closed, we/they will be forced to look back within ourselves and reflect upon our lives, life itself… should be a cool stop then.
In the meantime, I won’t go to school supposedly until may 6th – and yes we’ll see. I’ll breathe through being here with my family, facing myself, supporting with what I can at the moment.