As I was watching Jessie’s video on ‘hair’ and explaining all the resistances that she’s experiencing now, I replied within the understanding and living decision that I am currently at – yet after a few moments after having written a couple of comments in that video and ‘reflecting’ upon what she explained, I can say that I can definitely relate to that.
When the Faceworld campaign began, I waited up to two or three weeks to shave my head, I saw that the rest of the guys at the farm had already done it, it was only a few of us that hadn’t do it – I knew that I was holding on to a point of ‘my image’ and all the definitions that I had towards myself and my hair as being the ‘definition’ of ‘who I am’ because it defined my ‘personality’ and my ‘style’ and all those things that I certainly ‘liked’ myself to be defined as – yet they were all definitions only.
I remember that even when i was taking pictures of everyone being shaved – the black and white ones where they are ‘facing’ themselves – I still had hair and I simply couldn’t fathom myself doing it, I kept pulling out images of ‘how I would look’ and ‘losing my charm’ or ‘losing my appeal’ – lol as if there was any really – or even sexuality – yet I knew I had to do it, because I understood the statement and the principle yet allowed myself to procrastinate it, I deliberately ‘prolonged’ the time to keep my hair – It certainly felt odd being there with several shaved heads already and me keeping my hair in that moment out of fear of how I would look, because I considered that the shape of my head and face wouldn’t ‘look nice’ with a bald head – I allowed myself to have all these thoughts running that created a resistance to do it.
It was only on the end of 2009 that I decided I would do it the 9th of january, yet even while shaving it I still had resisted to do it, still not fully grasping the idea of myself remaining shaved for the rest of my life, thus I experienced myself clearly uncomfortable the very first days or weeks – I felt completly strange, lol jorn would make fun saying that I looked like a gang member, lol – and once Bernard pointed this out to me, that I was still struggling with the idea of myself, of my image and that I wasn’t yet fully accepting myself and so I understood that I hadn’t yet established that basic point of self acceptance with regards to my image that I had held towards myself and my physical for a long long time, probably because there has always existed a point of self judgment with regards to my image –
So, for a while this discomfort remained, though I realized that I was simply creating an unnecesary experience based on ‘how others perceive me’ and I simply got myself to a point of being okay with it, I still resisted pictures being taken of me as I have always done – and it was only as time went by and I got more and more used to it that I began ‘accepting’ myself overall meaning, not only about ‘hair’ but abou the ‘self image’ overall –
I can definitely say it was only after getting back into the matrix and facing myself with the world that I became even more comfortable within it, I mean somehow having been at the farm with many ‘bald heads’ was supportive and a real fucking point of equality, lol one couldn’t tell who was ‘there’ in the kitchen or far away because one could only see bald heads!! so cool. <but back to the point, I have become very very comfortable with it and I mean it has probably taken me 6 months to get at this stage so it wasn’t easy, and the proof of it is that I am only now able to vlog about it as a definitive and comfortable stand – and as I’ve mentioend, it’s been a great point of self support not only for ‘image’ now as that has definitely come to take a second plane of ‘who I am’ -but the first plane which is my standing, my process, the Principle I am living for and within this making a commitment to myself to never deviate from the aim that I’ve chosen to live – which is Equality for All and Support as much people as possible in this reality for this point to be established on Earth. Yeah!
Well that’s my support – it’s up to everyone to decide whether to do it or not, in the end one will only know by ‘doing it’ and ‘proving’ it yourself.
Thanks for reading.