So, I dreamed of some people that I met at the farm – they were all doing various things like working there and the usual ‘reality’ – lol for example: me pushing for doing things and so on – I remember Tala was there and he was living with other like 2 or 3 guys in a kind of ‘flat’ there and they were all smoking pot in that ‘apartment’ and I simply would be there in the ‘scene’, and he came out of his room and just be completely normal, here, stable, smiling not paying attention at all to the guys smoking around him in the house – as if they ‘weren’t there’ or simply what I could see as not being affected by it or tempted or anything – So in that moment I realized: hmm this is cool, he’s able to be and live within the same environment and yet not be tempted at all –
Then I encountered Niklas, and everyone else were out in like a ‘garden’ which seemed like the farm but different and everyone was working, there were many beings and I remember going to Niklas to ‘help’ him do some flower planting along the side of a large area – And the ‘frame of mind’ that I had was that of ‘Oh, I will go there and help him, he probably is going too slow or hasn’t done much yet’ – and thus when I got to him to work with him on that, he seemed very confident and he simply showed me that he had already done most of the work, meaning in that moment my ‘perception ‘of ‘who Niklas was’ or how I have created an idea of him was completly shattered in the dream because I saw he had actually moved himself and done all the digging and planting already, a long area, so that was kind of interesting – the first moment that I woke up just after this part of the dream, I simply realized how it is unacceptable to still keep definitions of people and ‘who they are’ according to the patterns we ‘see them as’ or we’ve accepted and allowed them to exist as within our own mind. I saw this is completele bs as the dream was clearly revealing me how I still define people according to ‘how I met them’ and ‘what they do’ and ‘what they don’t do’ etc –
quite fascinating. So I sent this ‘dream’ to Niklas and he replied saying: “what a revealing dream, thanks for sharing it! strange, this is how exactly how I have feared being judged by you, without ‘coming out’ with it. so we’ve both created this. yes, placing people in certain personality boxes is something we all participate in and it must stop. the way is to expose it like you just did, thanks for that.”
SO, fascinating how this dream was able to simply clear this point in one ‘dream realization’ moment.
Okay – so I spent the day talking with people, sharing my experiences on process online and ‘in the flesh’.
I set up a meeting with an old friend of mine, a childhood friend, my first ‘best friend’ as in ‘girl relationship’ – lol. It was quite cool seeing her again after many years and, she told me about all the hard times she’s had to endure within her life with her parents being sick, legal problems, problems from her boyfriend’s family, a lot of debts, money, abuse of power by authorities being experienced and faced first hand by her… I was really amazed because she’s my age and she’s had to ‘grow up’ even faster to start taking responsibility for huge expenses in her life and her boyfriend’s life – she’s really had a rough rough time and listening to her brought me ‘back to earth’ to seeing what actual problems and situations can come up ‘out of nowhere’ in a ‘stable family’ – I did speak about stopping the participation on feelings or emotions through all these events and simply to direct and move without involving ‘too many feelings’ into it. it’s cool she’s going to germany and spend some time there, that will mostly allow her to be a bit more ‘free’ from all the times she’s endured here. It was cool seeing her – she obviously asked about my no hair look and I explained, she simply said she thinks she wouldn’t be able to do it – lol.
Then as we were drinking coffee, my ex-boyfriend arrived with a girl to the same place and so, lol! this has been the first time that I see someone reacting or ‘over-reacting’ to my no hair style, lol – he was speechless or something, exaggerating probably but he seemed very happy to see me again – he joined us after his friend had left and we spend some time talking even after my friend had left – I definitely saw myself making ‘no difference’ within myself when talking to julieta or him, just the same, remained stable – I mean, he always ‘gets the point’ he’s quite a clever guy, but he’s got this permanent ‘conformity’ with himself and just kind of ‘going by’ through life and I can see he’s still sort of ‘in the same spot’ as 3 years ago.
He appeared to be ‘surprised’ about the stuff that I shared and what I did and experienced at the farm – he decided to come along when coming home in the bus and we just kept talking and that was it – he hugged me goodbye and that was it. So, it’s just another couple of people I am facing from my past – it’s fascinating that even with this guy that I had a close relationship with over a year there was no ‘movement’ as before, it’s completely ‘gone’ and that’s great – back to being equal to that relationship and thus, there being no ‘relationship’ at all but just sharing myself with a being and that’s it.
While I was sharing and hearing myself talking about the farm, I see that people’s faces turn in a ‘wondering’ gesture, as if through the words they could experience themselves there – of course I shared how it is a great place but also quite ‘tough’ to get through if not being ‘ready’ to stand up through Bernard screaming at your face when pointing out a major fuckup=dishonesty in your life – so yes, this has to be explained so that it doesn’t come out as a utopic place – yet It’s cool that they ‘got’ the main purpose and deal done at the farm. And all I can see and experience myself when talking about Desteni, the People, the Forum, the Animals, the Support, is being profoundly grateful for having had the opportunity to live there and still grateful for being part of this Equality Movement for LIFE for that which actually Matters – there is fucking nowhere else I could be at the moment but here, living this process in full awareness.
Lol, while showering this morning I was ‘thinking’: where would’ve I been if I hadn’t found Desteni? The first thing that came to my mind was: lost in weed, seeking to be in some spiritual path, believing in the mayan calendar and the 2012 prophecies, pushing myself to be ‘famous’ in the art world, building up my ‘personality’, being completely attached to certain relationships… fuck I mean, a lot of bullshit would’ve probably still being allowed in my world and reality. So, thankful for having found Desteni right on time.
So that’s it for today, that was my ‘day’ – I enjoyed the rain, the heavy rain, getting quite wet then following a dove around while waiting for my friend to show up, walking in circles and seeing all that she ate and did before flying away with the whole lot of doves – enjoyed the coffee once again from that coffee shop.
Seriously, too many fucked up things happen in a person’s life due to MONEY it’s fucking time to stop this unnecessary suffering – our ‘Money’ is already being printed out of thin paper, so… what’s the point? why allow starvation? why allow financial crises to exist? why allow abuse and power to exist if money can become a Solution to this all?
Let’s Stand up Individually to then unite that self stand as something implacable.