The basic points of Equality are Not understood, because we haven’t ever lived as Equals, this is why it is important to Stand up and Speak for what we’ve been applying within ourselves by realizing the basics of ‘Equality’, what it implies and why it is the solution to actually start Living in this world. Published a video today more as a ‘ranting’ coming from all the different times I’ve had to explain what shaving my head for equality is – what willing myself to do it is –
And so it rained a lot here today, tried to go out for a walk but the rain was the kind of the ‘slight drizzle’ that actually gets you wet in less than one could ‘expect’-to. Quite cool weather really.
Well I have been getting several comments from ‘fierceful’ detractors from shaving their head in the spanish version of Shaved for Equality video – people are seeing it as me trying to impose them to do it – I wonder why the reactions are so different from the people watching the english version – it’s quite interesting really, is there more of a ‘cult’ to the ‘image’ in spanish speaking countries, or ‘free will’ is simply taking as No, I won’t submit to ‘anything’ that my preferences dictate me I should Not get into. I mean, the only answer I can have is that there is more of a social prejudice on ‘image’ in latin culture – lol well, fuck – really, in my experience there is nothing ‘else’ that I could’ve done to actually stand out and be standing as a constant: no I am not complying to this system. It is great, probably what I should’ve always done but never dared to do, breaking such ‘self imposed barrier’ has been just great – and within that just remaining constant within what I stand, no matter where I am, I am constant –
I went to visit my sister and her house – I only went once before leaving to SA and now that she’s married and everything, her house is set and quite nice – well, she always complained that I left without having made some paintings for her house, so I still would like to do something for her – I noticed that I had an initial thought of ‘ah, I don’t wanna go to her house today’ but I simply moved and realize that I can’t isolate myself and just shut everything off -so I simply moved myself and most of the times I end up enjoying going out, lol.
So, I was at her house and she has some of my furniture that was in my old apartment in mexico city, fuck, lol – she has the dinner’s table I had and I remembered I made a painting underneath the table – lol so i went beneath the table and saw the ‘secret’ painting: the ascension of the dead – lol just rows of people going up to the sky, quite in the similar style as all my ‘rows’ or ‘queues’ of people, equal people in some dramatic, apocalyptic or deathly situation – lol – fascinated by the ‘end of the world’ I’ve always been. and yoda like I just wrote like lol
Anyways! yes, they were pointing out how I seem ‘taller’ and how my back seems ‘smaller’ in a way – so I explained once again about the system that i was carrying and that was removed a year ago – wow, one year ago – fascinating. So yes, i’ve been noticing myself being a bit taller as well – but anyways, I enjoyed myself there just having some salads and sausages and orange juice and coffee and glad to hear that, something that I pointed out while being in germany with regards to ‘mexicans’ being ‘belittling’ ourselves all the time by using words that imply ‘little’ in everything is defining the ways that we interact with people, as if not wanting to create a ‘tension’ or wanting to appear ‘too direct’ or to ‘impose’ ourselves etc -well my sister’s hubby now talked about how he has applied the point himself of not ‘belittling’ things and talking in such a ’round about’ way to ask for something, to accept something that’s being offered to him and to become more ‘self-assured’ – that’s fucking cool because he’s got this definitive ‘submissive’ character and it is cool that he decided to take-on this point for himself and even expand it to other people he knows by explaining how ‘culturally-wise’ we’ve accepted this as ‘the way we interact’ yet it is defining the very essence of ‘how we stand’ towards each other, not being self-directive but more of a ‘submissive’ and ‘subdued’ way of existing – so, I explained how I had to ‘face’ my own judgments and beliefs on how me being ‘mexican’ placed myself in a ‘lower’ position and all the fuckload of self judgments or beliefs that were constantly running in my head due to being mexican, specifically – I am okay with it at the moment seriously, I am not a country, I am not a culture, I am not a language yet I can be ‘named’ as one – but it doesn’t ‘define’ who I am –
Anyways, I solved my problem of ‘where to live’ in mexico city, I had arranged to live in some small apartment before which was a bit ‘far’ from school and quite a ‘high’ place – yet, not such a ‘safe zone’ if it was me walking alone at night while going out of school – so I wasn’t completely ‘sure’ about it even though I had already told the landlord I was going to take the space – a school mate of mine contacted me to other girls that will be renting a house that’s right in front of the school and so, I will be living there – I mean,it’s quite quite cheap and I barely have to ‘walk’ to school and so, it’s quite ‘safe’ so to speak – well I don’t know how much things have change but, considering I will still be hanging around for a couple of years there, I rather make sure that I’m in a safe place – it’s mexico city and kind of the ‘outside’ of it so, half ‘town’, half city, half light and half dark lol – but anyways, having that assured point is school and before i would’ve probably be more ‘picky’ about the people and the place – right now all I care is I have a room and that it’s near the school and that’s it, not asking for much really. Oh and internet of course which still has to be installed and everything. So, that has given me a bit of a ‘relief’ because I didn’t want to make my parents pay for an expensive place again – when I lived in that apartment I realize it was sort of a luxury having that space only for myself – I mean, I enjoyed it but right now my priorities are different.
What is the point to look at ? emotion tested: ‘consolidated’
for information – okay just have to make sure that I don’t create an experience of myself as ‘consolidating’ and that I make sure that I simply remain here as the solid that I am without being existing in the ‘idea’ of being ‘solidated’ and so, I remove the ‘con’ from the solid that I am here as the physical, walking, breathing,eating, shitting, talking and moving and drinking coffee as myself.
okay – this is it for today. I leave her to go die and remain in a seclude space while the body rests –
thanks for reading