Well – proof that terrorism is ‘here’ – last night we heard gunshots on the street I live in, some neighbors saw the red flames and he smoke coming from the guns – this time I did wake up in the middle of the night, 4 gunshots or so – in the middle of the dreams I immediately related it to the electioneering process – but anyways – we have no further information on that, maybe they just wanted to create an ‘atmosphere’ ar most fear for everyone on the day to follow. Even though people were called-out to cancel the vote, there was obviously a ‘winner’ – I mean, it is simply a nasty thing to look at, all the fascist propaganda, seeing the greedy men’s faces all over the fucking city, so disgusting man, there is no human respect at all, not a visual consideration for all people having to be fucking mind controlled just by seeing the picture of a man with the greatest fake smile of the century saying: I will put on ceilings on schools, vote for me – I mean, who do they think they are? who do they thin WE are? 

And rioters and anarchists have no outlet for their rage and just break stuff, literally breaking windows on hotels or anything they can ‘handle’ with pure rage.

I went out to eat today, I still can’t handle going to the kind of places my family goes to, I mean – all is so fucking fake everywhere anything and all, it’s just pure bullshit everywhere – yet I have to breathe through it – I can’t deny it that anger, sadness and all these mixed shit comes out whenever i see any fucking detail where a Human Right is Violated, Raped and Murdered – I still can’t simply breathe through seeing a fucking huge luxurious-hotel being built right in front of a a poor-zone of the city, it is HUGE I mean, I couldn’t stop thoughts of wanting to simply dynamite the whole fucking thing, it is literally a monster less than 200 meters from a small area of the city that once was forgotten by the river, now it’s become the limit of the ‘new rich area’ – AND! on top of that, there’s this huge political add billboard on the construction for everyone to see – my parents only complain in a defeated way, and those who complain a lot do nothing about it – anarchists only want riots, revolutionaries only want to free certain people, not everyone equally. 

Who’s standing up for Equality in all ways? Not yet have I seen this, unconditionally – everyone always wants some big piece of the cake – everyone just wants to prevail as some higher force, everyone is just still too fucking trapped in the system that they’ve perpetuated merely as themselves. 

I mean, I tried to go and have lunch with my parents but I can’t really lie to myself and say that I enjoyed that – fuck no, even going to the supermarket becomes another story wherein people don’t see what’s around them and respect the basic instructions on where to pay  for only 10 products and placing 40 instead. 

the sun was quite strong as I sat on the bus that would take me home – I decided to leave that area as soon as I could as my parents were still going to buy some stuff. It’s always about buying  for them as an activity- well maybe I’m exaggerating it seems that if they have nothing to buy, they have nothing to ‘do’ then – I really can’t see myself getting to that age and just sitting on a couch watching movies – fuck no. 

Okay – besides the rant I re-watched some videos, I re-read some stuff and I stick to the principle like glue – I keep doing what I have to do and even more after seeing the madness out there, now ‘passing by’ on my own street in some way, well it’s even more clear that this is NOT life, this is Not how we’re supposed to be living at all. 

News, news on the economic fields mostly, bad news for Europe and apparently ‘good’ news for latin america – lol maybe it’s because it’s latin american news channel and they want to uplift people that ‘things are going to change’. 

I mean, markets and money crises being ‘backed-up’ by selling luxury articles as designer’s clothing and jewelry? How fucked can that be? They worry about which diamonds to buy while others in the same place are living in fear of losing their job while others on this planet have to prostitute themselves, have to kill people, rape, steal and cheat for money every day simply to survive – others try to ‘make a living’ in jobs that simply exterminate the residues of life left after consuming hours of jobs that will only serve those on the top. 

How long will it take to do this, to open people’s eyes – equality rings bells on people but as soon as they realize it’s about taking responsibility, most walk away out of fear, living in a self-limitation system. 

It’s quite tought not to be angry at this, not to be enraged at what is being accepted and allowed everywhere you turn to – yet – it is here – and I walk it – and I won’t accept and allow my own constant judgment to that which I see to create an experience within myself – it is simply useless as not even shouting or crying would change a thing – I’ve done that before in a crowded street with some stupid traditional shit firing guns and making noise –  This world is mad and it’s a reflection of man and all I can say is that we’re lost in playing the game. 

If we do not stand completely and absolutely, even the minutest outburst creates a refraction in ourselves – so I see that I have to simply not allow myself to be reacting to this – I can definitely see that my reactions and judgments towards the place I live in are still here, even more now so – I simply just have to stop, they won’t change a thing and they create experiences within me –  I don’t wanna live in a constant fight towards my immediate reaction to that which i see – It’s so much easier for people that choose to be blind to see the world for real – but in the end, they choose to be part of the illusion and never dare to become real.

I am here for Life – death to the systems 


About Marlen

I share my realizations and perspectives within learning how to live life in self-honesty in the Desteni Process to expand and grow as a person in this world. #IMatter View all posts by Marlen

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