So, today I came to Mexico City to take all my stuff into the place I’ll be staying in now which to start off with, will be much different from what I was used to before while being in the apartment on my own – so this is already more of a ‘challenging’ place as I will be living with other beings that I don’t really know much of and well, that in itself should be interesting to see how that develops later on.
Mexico city – god – so chaotic, even in vacation time which is now – from the moment you get here, your nostrils get a nice warm welcoming with oxygen well mixed with carbon dioxide and all other chemicals from the thousands of cars along the way. I am right now leaving back to my home ciity, all I can say is right now I see hundreds of cars stopped, stagnant gn traffic jam on the way to get into the city – getting out is a bit more fluid, fuck – it is indeed one huge chaos where it doesn’t matter if they try and build up new bridges and ways, the traffic jams seem to be exactly the same – and yeah I’ve already been living back and forth for 3 years – pff how did I endured that for so long? Lol – yeah I had weed and I could sleep and get lost – that is not so anymore.
On this point I have to say that art school itself – the first years there – represented many points, a ‘false liberation’ from my parents as ‘living alone’ yet using that as a way to ‘escape my own reality’ through drugs, music and some other relationships – oh! and the knowledge and info I was ‘into’ at that stage. It was right while on winter vacations at Mexico City that I found Desteni – I reckon that I used to go to my apartment to be alone, to be able to smoke and listen to my music, do my ‘thing’ and simply not having to be around my family - and it was then when I found Desteni, lol – fascinating. So yeah, much changed of me will going through school, yet all I can say in ‘short’ is that I am grateful for being living this as myself, for being standing up for myself, within my world, within how I present, act and express in my world, it is most definitely a ‘liberating’ experience I can see – definitely.
I can see how it is much simpler to live as myself now that before – I can see and realize how the basic constant desires and concerns and yearns and dreams are gone for the sake of an actual living in the moment with a constant process of stopping that which I left behind, that which was ‘me’ as the past-definition of myself I was living-as not so long ago –
We moved all the stuff in one carrier truck and I went with the man and his son that drove the truck. I definitely saw it as a cool opportunity to be able to have a chat with beings that are usually on the road and thus not so easy to speak with unless one travels with them. Somehow I could ‘catch’ these men’s concerns on their job which were mostly related to money – everything they could complain about, their boss, the fees for highway tickets, the price of petrol, the dishonesty existent within gas stations that give less liters for amount of money paid – I started saying that everything seemed like a chain of dishonesties that create big fuck-ups (problems) and that eventually create the world as it is.
Within that I simply brought up the point: How would Life change if there was Equal Money for All – how could that reflect on to your lives, into anyone’s lives – It was very cool seeing that the 21 year old son of mr truck-driver just to keep his identity secured here – lol – was well informed in politics and other news that reflect the status of this world – they both were quite aware though it’s obviously the young ones that get-it faster. They both agreed that it would definitely make life much better, ‘quality-life’ they literally said though realized how we have to actually work for this point to make a change from its roots as it is not ‘natural’ for man to actually care about others as this reality is proving it.
Our chat was quite lengthy and discussed many points and in-fact this is one of the persons that for the first time ‘include’ themselves within the point and not only saying ‘oh it’s cool you are in such group/movement’ but to actually see and ask how they can start doing this for themselves .
To this he was wondering whether I had already presented a ‘campaign’ or within a ‘meeting’ lol I said and explained how at the moment there are very few in Mexico for this currently and that the actual gathering of people and creating of group as a political-standing has yet to be developed in time to come. He was quite cool with the idea, he said how he is mostly not-conforming to the system and definitely supports this idea that he himself said ‘seems impossible, but it’s not’ – so, we definitely have to start looking up for people that will definitely stand and support and be willing to do this for the benefit of all. I can see that people that are actually working and living in that constant ‘noose’ of money being not so ‘available’ in their world to solve their problems and live in a lower-class position are the ones that definitely see the system for what it is, because they themselves live the greatest injustices and abuse possible even when their initial input is honest –
It was interesting because the guy seemed to be a ‘metal-head’ that brought up the point of how people within certain groups ‘wanna live their lifestyle’ and thus separate themselves from other groups that are generally ‘opposing’ in nature – which I pointed out that such preferences let’s say ‘metal heads’ and ‘pop-lovers’ don’t get or mix along which here in this country you can see that metal heads are usually oppressed kids by the system that find within metal music a resort of sorts to exert the anger and resentment to a system that hasn’t considered them within the equation of ‘good living’ – not generalizing here but it is often so. I have also found that people in these type of concerts – hard core metal concerts – were usually more caring and polite towards others in general while interacting – quite fascinating but I do see that people that live life fully with the limitations of the system are the ones that are usually more aware of other human beings as themselves – get working parents and a life severed by the need to move around to get enough money to make it and you’ll get people that is actually aware of this world in a more common-sensical way than those that live in delusions of grandeur and in plastic bubbles that have been created for them from the moment they were in the crib.
Within this, I can see that coming to Mexico City has been a ‘grounding phase’ for myself, getting a more real glimpse of what people live like here, what they endure every day, what living in a mostly ‘lower middle class area’ is like in terms of how families live, how the sense of community has been mutated and disrupted – it’s interesting because art school was placed there in that area, deliberately ‘away’ from the city yet still in the city – but now that area is also growing rapidly and there are only few fields left around for crops – this city is eating itself alive – lol and I’m going to be part of it all.
Even though it is not the ultimate pleasant experience, I do enjoy the fact of being able to get a more real taste of life there and not being so crystal-boxed in my parent’s home.
I can see how points as doubts and other points arose the moment I was packing all of my stuff and how I had envisioned myself staying to live in mexico city for good at first, then immediately changing my mind into going to live back to my home city and now it is just uncertain – it was awkward listening to my parents say that I could ‘leave’ some of the things there when I’m back and so, I realized that we can only assume on points that haven’t been lived yet – so I stopped myself from actually giving head to that and stopped the experience coming up, and just continued moving.
I noticed more of these points as well today while getting to the place, while seeing it’s not gonna be a ‘clean-tidy’ place to live in as I used to before, to know that these guys will most likely bring people around and thus, just from that point a ‘challenge’ is perceived. Though it is to realize that all of these points are based on a self-definition that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to live as in relation to ‘what I like’ and ‘how I enjoy living’ and ‘what bothers me’ – this last point will be walked through in the flesh within living with beings that I know very little- to non-about. One of them lives there just because she didn’t want to go back and forth to her house – though, she said her parents’ house is yet being built and that she doesn’t want to pay for the room if she is aware that her parents could use that money to build more – to this I wondered pff! yes I have taken much for granted as I’ve never had to experience such a ‘big’ financial struggle- and when the point arrived when I had to actually realize ‘we can’t afford this and that’ I remember it creating an ‘experience’ within myself as my experience, being sad about seeing the stress in my father coming out from him being able to pay the bills and schools and whatnot. Though it took some time to ‘get back on track for him, from there everything stabilized and went up for a better situation.
I am seeing the landscape on the road, the sun is about to go down and the mountains are bathed with some goldish tone, some big clouds are also on top and thus, enjoy it a lot.
I am definitely more ‘grounded’ to walk through this with no strings attached to a certain place – lol all I require is get my internet connection sorted out and I’m done! lol –
So – I’m adding this becuase after I finished writing this and some other doc I’m busy with, the woman that was sitting next to me in the bus… I could sense something was ‘going on with her’ and she was ‘kind’ in asking me right away what I was doing in mexico city and etc – then while writing I could see she was biting her nails off extensively, the whole two hours the trip lasted almost – and something inside me wanted to ask ‘Is there anything that’s preoccupying you too much’? But I didn’t, I got stopped by all kinds of non-sensical morals such as ‘oh I shouldn’t just ask that, maybe it’s too ‘personal’ blablabla and left it and just continued writing.
Then when we arrived to the bus station she asked me how to get to some place and then she mentioned she’d gone to the doctor to mexico city – fuck I really can say i kind of sensed that, directly that she was ill – anyways, she said the doctor had detected blood-cancer and that he gave her one year more of ‘life’ with treatment – so she was going to seek financial support for that – So when she said this I was like ‘fuck! I could’ve had a ‘longer chat’ with her about this – then she immediately said okay I have to go! and so I just went behind her and showed her the way out, in 3 or so minutes while walking to the exit I asked her if she had fears, how she experienced the point of ‘knowing’ about the disease – fascinating the doctor told her she’ll have to shave her head – lol and there she goes pickin a seat next to me – Yeah she said she doesn’t obviously care about that, but the fact that she has little girls to take care of – and her husband works in some bar – claimed that ther father in-law has enough money to support he treatment, but that she feared he wouldn’t give her a dime, so… She seemed really concerned so in 1 minute before leaving her at the exit, I explained Self Forgiveness – stopping all fears, writing herself out, write on the ‘Fear of Death’ if existent and Forgive Herself – though, she seemed rather concerned more about the money-fact. She did seem ‘shocked’ to me at some point while in the bus when she asked ‘how many weeks does a month have? Four?’ Five?’ - She said she had Hepatitis C and that it had been detected by her donating blood to someone else – fascinating.
So my reaction after leaving her was ‘fuck! I could’ve actually had a longer ‘chat’ with her, seems she required that and I was there sitting next to her and I could ‘sense’ there was something going on but didn’t ask and only had to rush everything in less than 5 minutes at the end – then, maybe she just required those 5 minutes who knows, but that’s how it went on. Fascinating because when she explained what she had, a one ‘fear’ popped up like Oh is Hepatitis C contagious just like that? lol and shit like that – but stopped obviously and just realized how this woman could die in some time just as anyone else can without having to ‘know’ about it – fucked up that she had to go alone to the city because of money as well, her husband had to work and it was preferred not to spend money on tickets back and forth – shit. Seriously, quite some realizations today in relation to what people in this world are going through, stuff that I am usually not exposed to and I also find it cool that people are able to open-up and speak about themselves and situations so easily with me – I enjoy that but I see that comes from the stance of declaring that I do not ‘rule’ myself according to the usual social-standards and that I stand for Equality – probably this woman felt ‘ok’ to talk with me just because of not having hair! lol who knows, either way it’s cool and I’d definitely like to meet people, literal strangers like that from a complete different context to learn about their lives and what is going on in their world, to get a real sense of Equality here, not only in my ‘environment’ and usual circles, but out-there which is ‘here’ as well.
thanks for reading