It is fascinating that even though I am taking classes with ‘unknown’ people to me from one year below my ‘original’ generation, I can simply just share and talk to them and be there just like that – this is how living should be, no matter where you are, with whom you are, you remain the same, stable – here just embracing, equalizing, sharing, no judgment, focus on common ground – it’s been very cool to exist this way really lol everything is simplified extensively as there is no ‘limit’ for myself to talk to somebody, to share, to approach etc – so that’s cool.
I saw one of my first classmates, a ‘friend’ that I liked because of being quite blunt in his expression and we kind of ‘admired’ each other’s ‘work’ even though our approach to life was completely different – and still pretty much is – We talked on how he had to go through some classes again because he’d become an alcoholic, drinking every day and thus just going ‘off’ with school – he looked quite ‘drained’ and I told him that which made him react immediately lol! as if he’d care too much about his looks and overall appearance – fascinating but he seemed determined to ‘get his life back together’ and he explained how he went to do other things just so he could stop drinking which in the end is just channeling the energy to keeping himself busy weight-lifting at the gym – I pointed this out though he still had all kinds of excuses as to why he can’t just ‘stop’ cold turkey which is ‘he enjoys drinking’ and apparently not to ‘get lost’ or not confront his reality, but because ‘he simply likes it’ – I didn’t say anything further than my own practical example of having stopped over two years ago from smoking and also drinking and how I had definitely stood by that initial statement of ‘I stop’ – he was kind of ‘surprised’ by my overall actions –lol beginning with the shaved head and being in SA for one year, people were making all kinds of stories about me lol me having been eaten by a lion or probably joining a sect lolol and call me ‘brave’ –anyways, he said he’d never expect me to become an ‘activist’ and he seemed to be rather surprised about everything I was talking about.
He is the reason why I made a vlog today just revealing how he said that what we are doing ‘sounds good’ but it seems unlikely if not impossible to change the system because of ‘human nature’ that to him, all these points of greed, competition, position and ‘specialness’ were inherent to human nature and will not be easily changed. I explained how it is ‘human nature’ because we’re born in this world as such accepting it as ‘unchangeable’ and within that accepting the fuckedupness as ‘ourselves’ – It was cool that even though he can’t ‘see it’ coming-through, he saw the determination and commitment to it to which he continued being surprised by in almost a quasi-admiring way that I even thought he was just making fun of but no, lol he was dead serious about it – He’s one of those persons that don’t shift their eyes at any moment when talking to you, so that’s just cool because he doesn’t try to be condescending to anyone, he just spews everything out as it is in the moment – so it was cool. He really wants to be ‘moving’ as an artist and exhibiting his work – within that I saw how much I had changed from the times we used to hang out together near the beginning of our career, we would both respect our ‘styles’ which were opposite to each other yet we were both aiming at the same sort of ‘fame’ and ‘recognition’ for our art – I remembered this but it is simply so irrelevant for me to ty and ‘achieve’ – meaning, if it comes through in a way, fine, it’ll be a platform for further Equality Support – but it is definitely not my aim at all anymore – much has changed, and as he pointed out, he’d never imagined me becoming ‘this’ that I am now, which I found cool to realize because I actually wouldn’t have imagined myself taking these steps either 3 years ago, no, fuck it is 4 years ago wow lol so that’s breaking the programming.
I enjoyed talking to him, I’ve enjoyed talking to everyone I’ve seen again, dedicating some time to get to know about each one’s life and their plans, I’ve done that with a few people I met at the beginning of my career and it’s been fascinating to talk to them now again – people here are quite down to earth and open, I had forgotten about that existing here – yes they don’t and won’t change nor do I want to change them now, but it is fascinating to see how much of ‘myself’ they held on to and how they ‘perceive’ me currently – probably not much has changed except for no hair and more determination/openness probably. Here’s the vlog – enjoy!