Up to date

Okay one whole month without writing eh – lol many changes and mostly ‘settling’ here. 

It’s been mostly cool, I have been staying here in the city, going out to museums, concerts at times and enjoying myself in my new environment – lol I enjoy my new room and the new house I’m living in. I haven’t gone to visit my parents in over a month now, pff I have no attachment to them, I just wanna go to my home city to walk around, talk with some people, get coffee and enjoy the weather there but that’s about it. I am here and when I am here there is nothing else that exists but me here.
So, I won’t go too long about the stuff that has happened, mostly being busy and enjoying inter-actions in the internet and physical reality which is mostly school for now, making quite an ‘impact’ and still get people asking me on South Africa all the time so I explain and so forth – always make sure it is clear I went to work and to actually learn and educate myself instead of them believing I went to have my ‘wild africa’ experience with the usual cliché of safari etc. 
I had cool discussions with two beings – one girl whom I have had previous discussions with on equality, now it’s more clear for her and she asked for the links of desteni and my youtube channel. It’s fascinating but before I would resist giving the link to my channel and now it’s like fuck any resistance lol there are probably quite a number of rumors on what I’m doing as I kind of know people have seen my videos and so forth so it’s cool, making some noise. 
This girl I talked with, lol I did notice myself boiling up in a moment because she cares about cultures and ‘respecting differences’ in that sense so I made clear how Equality has no space for personal glorification according to a cultural background and placed the example of some guy in the spanish youtube channel and forum wherein he stated that ‘we weren’t equal’ because he is ‘mayan’ and thus kind of llike saying ‘he knows better’ so, I obviously banned him wtf – and so she reacted to this saying I wasn’t allowing ‘debate’ and ignoring ‘differences’ and that everyone has their own ‘process’ blablabla lol until she understood the very initial starting point of this guy wanting to come across as ‘superior’ due to cultural-background – which is in fact what indigenous people do here, they have their ‘fight’ going on for their right to remain secluded and apparently independent from the rest, apparently claiming for their rights but, see the obvious they’ve never actually stood up for Equality of ALL- no fight has actually considered this, not even the revolutionaries in history  – oh because this girl is all about supporting our history and previous figures that did something (eg che, gandhi, latin american freedom-thinkers etc) and so she reacted quite heavily when I said ‘Equality is non debatable’ then she asked ‘what kind of equality’ so it reminded myself of my own video where I make fun of people asking ‘what kind of equality?’ – So I breathed and explained the point, noticed me boiling up and becoming red and exalted for a moment so I lowered a notch to the discussion, lol though we both understood and actually enjoyed the fact that we were able to discuss this so ‘passionately’ – she complains about the same shit we all do – no one is really committed, no one really wants to work as and for a collective, no one gives continuity to a point, no one really cares about life –  no one understands what it is to do things for life itself – and so, found some points in common including the topic of our final tesis to end our career. She’s quite confused within it all so I just encouraged her to watch the videos I’ve made in spanish and read some of the forum in spanish – let’s see where she leads herself in those links. Though it was cool talking to her, to a being for quite some time on actual points that matter. 
I had been sick for a whole week, really tough lol until now there’s still snot coming out of my nose – got some throat infection and the rest of the people living in this house got sick as well, although mine was the one that lasted the most – anyways, sickness is cool alignment and re-structuring so it’s the whole point of changing environment and settling in here. Got to rest and one day I went to the museum just to confirm that art has become expensive shit and that I don’t want to form part of that glam world. No way – but yeah that’s another story – simply enjoyed being out of the museum just in time for sunset and being able to see the glow on some ‘wild feathered flower-plants’ that grow all over the place, on the sides of the roads mostly – I enjoyed being in the campus of the national university, lol it is ‘my’ university yet I rarely go there because our school is separated from the main campus, too bad as it’s mostly greener area in the big city – I enjoyed the moment really wanted to have my camera but forgave myself in that moment for desiring to capture a moment in picture and damning myself for not having a camera in themoment instead of enjoying the moment in silence – so I did, I walked towards the avenue to catch a bus and did some in the moment poetry that comes out rarely from me nowadays when walking, enjoyed it, I’ve been enjoying all these moments of going out by myself and looking at the city, getting more ‘used’ to the ‘chaos’ and traffic, to time frames when going out etc. 
I talked to a guy today, I began the conversation just because of being attracted to the espresso he had on his hand lol – I had met him before, I had judgments before towards him as being quite snotty and pretentious and snob or something like that – but since I got back and letting go of all of these points, I’ve shared some conversations with him on the trip and today got  to know his experience on working on a summer camp in the states – I’m interested in getting feedback from people that has worked in kibbutz style camps and their direct experiences – the other woman that has actually worked in one is currently quite busy with art exhibitions and trips to kazajstan lol – so she won’t make the document until later on. This guy  shared his experience on the summer camp yet the point of living with ‘too many people’ in the same place can get to be very overwhelming – this is 400 people and most of the times it’s due to obvious ‘human nature’ that has to be dealt with. He also knows people that have worked in kibbutz in Israel and that they like it there because ‘they have their bar there as well’ lol so people are quite happy there – so the point of ‘alcohol’ as relaxing-distraction-motivation for people to work, socialize and have ‘their fun’ with this. Then the conversation deviated into relationships and how he sees the nonsense of relationships and how it’s a spiteful-game of control and blame that is not supportive at all – so I shared my views upon this and experience wtihin agreements and how it works and how it fails when points are kept aside and not fully opened up to share and see and allow mind interpretations – so it’s cool to get to talk and share with people  – even if by brief moments – on these points. We enjoyed the talk and I enjoy every time someone is open for actually communicating-  he pointed out how that is a huge point that is missed to do properly: communication and it’s true – one fault-in working in groups, working as a collective meaning a simple human being in a society, if the communication point is not effective, which begins with ourselves individually ‘with ourselves’ = the rest of the world will be nothing else but a pure outflow of that basic dissociation from ourselves as individuals. Thus the importance of Process. 
This is the most ‘clear’ point I’ve ever had obviously due to Desteni on how change can only come with ourselves, individually – everything else will only be band-aid “solutions” trying to keep up with dishonesties that are not sorted out in their root. 
So – pff I can say it’s been mostly cool for myself this whole point of being back in school, settled down, lol many cool points indicating waters are being moved and so I’m glad to be part of this LIFE Collective really –  I see and understand how grateful I am for being part of this, so give most of the time I’m able to keep the points moving – probably not at my ‘best’ capactiy for example I had stopped sharing here since I got some other responsibilities, so I’ll try to balance that out in terms of dealing with school, internet usual routine checking/supporting and my own writings – I have written for myself and that’s also been cool! writing in my notebook, but I see it’s cooler to share here openly if anyone is able to get some support from these points. 
This guy that lives in my house the other day dreamed about his house /his mother’s house and this house we’re living in ‘merged’ as one house, he dreamed himself being cleaning the house and that he would spend a lot of time cleaning his house and he said he saw me around – found it quite interesting since I’ve discussed some points with him as a matter of sharing on alcohol-drinking and how he has to listen to his body and support himself and also dealing with ‘guilt’ and ‘blame’ that he’s carrying around from some issue he had with his family – he’s a cool working dude, we talk about music and he’s the boyfriend of the other girl that lives here – quite cool couple they both have their own room and have a cool communication going, and they’re both quite ‘mellow’ so that’s cool to be living with them. The other two roommates.. are friends, a girl and a boy -.– no comment lol they’re younger guys and quite into drinking and smoking pot and getting mostly lost so pff ……….. facing myself and my past in a way there, I have reactions to the boyfriend of this other girl that lives here, it is like a complete rejection point, it’s like me seeing him as a deceptive kind of bastard – I am being bluntly honest here but he is certainly not supportive to this girl, they fight and he spends several nights here without paying anything – sometimes the guy next door plays music late at night, like yesterday I stopped my mind ranting from his noise and just got up knocked the door and said can you turn the volume down? thank you and that was it. in one go a change was made  – I still can’t understand how people simply want to have their ‘free choice’ of ‘I can do whatever I want because I live here and I pay for the space’ type of attitude, and having their ‘right’ to do what they want – without considering that people sleep and that having music playing for continuous hours is actually not cool. I compare it to how I used to be, similar to that, playing music while living with roomate my very first year of school, but I would make sure the hour was appropriate, and that I made the least annoyance possible for neighbors as well, I wouldn’t play music loud at night at all – I mean it’s fascinating how common sense is just non existent within people, so MASSIVE re-educatin required just to consider how we have to take others into consideration in every single moment – even more when living together – so, pff I’ve had to raise my voice and make points clear quite a couple of times, being bluntly direct, blatantly lol which is cool because then people know I take no shit and thus rather ‘stick’ to the rule I’ve placed because they see the common sense. 
With regards to the cleaning – having lived at the farm has assisted me greatly in that point, I’m not overly picky with cleanliness as before, though I see also the house and the way it’s set supports that as well – but I mean i still like to keep things clean and because I don’t see people doing it, I do it for myself – they might start doing it for themselves or not, but I cannot ‘wait’ till they do it for them, so I make sure I do it for myself and for the best of all – setting an example might be a point of re-education through example – it’s not my goal here but hey, if any ‘effect’ is created then cool. 
Okay, I’m going to sleep now – just sharing some personal-update here – will go more in detail with points that have opened up. 


About Marlen

I share my realizations and perspectives within learning how to live life in self-honesty in the Desteni Process to expand and grow as a person in this world. #IMatter View all posts by Marlen

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