Yesterday I decided to go out, I clearly saw a part of me wanting to get out and see the world like other people and simply go somewhere to walk and buy a hat for the cold that is already hitting quite nicely here.
I went to this particular part of the city that is usually crowded on saturdays and sundays – I bought an ice cream and decided to sit for a moment in a bench to observe – but noticed more eyes were on me – one kid made a remark on my head and saying ‘that’s how a woman looks when they lose all their hair’ – lol. I saw a man selling a dog and so i went to see the dog and took a picture of him and then the man started saying how ‘gorgeous’ I looked with bald head and then he took his hat off and showed his own bald head – lol the man looked like a scottish popeye lol anyways I was like wtf, the day before this older man saying the opposite and now this one saying that and so I simply saw how image driven everyone is – hours before that i had asked the point on hair again in fb, seemed like the point was ‘here’ for me to face in all aspects, from kids talking about it, people staring while I was walking around this place – people making remarks, unknown people – some other kid said ‘goodbye marcian boy!’ lol (meaning a person from mars – lol I laughed. Then this other guy in facebook contacted me to say he had shaved his head, that he had gathered the guts to do so and yeah I simply had challenged him once to do that, so he did, oh well – too much about hair I’d say – then I went to buy some coffee, the fucker didn’t pour all the coffee in my capuccino so I told him about it, drank some milk, it was fucking hot and burned my palatte – people consuming all around me and there I was, seeking a point of ‘going out’ and participating in this.
I haven’t probably written about this but I used my hair before to hide behind it, I would mostly cover my face with it, I would always try and not be noticed so, fuck… lol with being bald here is like wearing fluorescent lights all over meaning, drawing attention and thus I have to deal with people making remarks, comments, fucked up comments about it and me overhearing about them, all types of things. I have to get to the point wherein I simply don’t get ‘fed up’ about it.
When I was ready to go, I took the bus and then went into the worst traffic jam where I spent around two fucking and a half hours to get home – I had to step out of the bus and go by train, a train filled with people that were going to a concert, fucking chaos really everyone is just fed up of the city, you can’t believe it but everyone is bound to the city as well, so… it’s a no-chance situation.
I obviously realized how my ‘need’ to go out and see people and other places and walking would take me several hours and that one cannot make a ‘short trip’ in this city, specially when living so far away from most of these places I like to visit. So, i simply came and just chilled out, I can’t figure how people manage to go through these type of traffic jams and transportation binges every single day, that isn’t life, everyone is tired – just like the guys from the band the day before said: “this city is chaotic, but I think you all know that” and everyone simply muffled to confirm that or stood there simply drained by the new security measures that forced us to stand in a queue for over two hours to check person by person with the type of security you have to go through in airports – metal detectors, body-search (meaning a woman or man touches your body to see if you got any weapons or so) and having to leave bags and so forth in bag-keepers. Pff… really, so unnecessary all of the bullshit that happens in this world – I can’t simply accept a world wherein hundreds go seeking for fun and bliss while people go past asking for money, poor kids looking at other kids having ice-cream bought by their parents – women with kids pleading for money while other mothers are fighting over not buying so many sweets for the kids – It is insane, it triggers the point of me being ‘too sensitive’ to seeing these type of injustice and then being depressed, but I simply now keep walking, I am really testing my fucking self personality and patterns with many points, to keep myself stable in these everyday events that I have sought to place myself in deliberately because I could easily stay at home and not go out at all – though after all the time it takes, I will definitely think twice about it.
So, today I stood here, did my laundry, made myself some food and simply got up to date with stuff here – I simply went out to not be so absorbed into being in the internet, but this city is just ‘overwhelming’ as the singer in the band also said – I could speak and rant about it, but everyone’s bound to this city as well, all because of money, money, money – money leads to chaos and dishonesty, to separation, to segregation, to discrimination, to preference, to delusions of grandeur, to hunger, to despair, to a fake bliss, to devaluation, to inflation…. This whole train has to stop, many changes are going on in the world, most of them can be grabbed on to support the Equal Money System yet this is what we all will be walking as humanity.
For now, i’ll focus on what I am doing, literally making sure I remain constant walking.
Okay, this was the weekend of facing more points in the world and testing my ground so to speak — thanks for reading, let’s keep standing no matter what. Equality is the way, we’ve found the way now we just make sure we remain constant in it. thanks