So – here’s the latest fresh realizations about the reality that I live in –
Everything is basically prone to take us to ups and highs and downs and lows – what I mean with this is that we are basically like ping pong balls being played in a match between our personalities, between that which we create as a ‘who I am’ reference point. It is programmed, it is how we ‘run’ as within this reality – we’ve gotten to understand the why’s and the how’s and the who’s all around the Desteni Material Fucked up to say the least, should I say more?
Yet! Where does this information and understanding takes us? It takes us to the inevitable point of not being able to fuck around and if we do, we know we are fucking around and being dishonest at a single point or event.
It’s striking to hear the information and explanations available at the Desteni Subscription Forum, it certainly ‘reminds’ me of the times when I was investigating Desteni material and would get this ‘overwhelming’ experience – so this time I applied Self FOrgiveness out loud for that experience
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as overwhelmed due to the information and the amount of information being moved on a daily basis with Desteni Material.
I want to share how that experience comes up whenever I see a lot of vlogs being out by many people or many new interviews and so forth – and then the thought pattern is oh school stuff, oh house stuff, etc – and it’s like wanting to be all over the place in a way, I could call it a form of apprehension as well, not taking things one step at a time – and I can see this ‘resonant play-out’ of myself mostly when around other beings like for example, the people I live with, they are all what my mind would tag and define as ‘extremely kicked back’ lol so
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my home-mates as ‘extremely kicked back’ which is another way of saying: ‘lazy’ and ‘careless’
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have and hold a single judgment of my home mates as ‘lazy’ and ‘alcoholics’ and ‘not giving a fuck’ which is merely based on judgments that I create based on what I see and interpret according to my set of ‘values’ that I have created to define people in this world
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define people in this world to a single word, to reduce them to a single mote without ever considering that that which I am judging and defining is actually myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define people as ‘apathetic’
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge people as lacking common-sense.
The single point of ‘remembering’ how I have not to create any point of judgment towards anyone led me to see the immediate point of separation I am accepting and allowing within my reality which is that towards one male – he’s the bf of one of the girls living here – and he’s also in the same workshop as myself – I have written self forgiveness but here’s a very specific one
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge A as a leech, a bloodsucking person expecting to gain something or someone to his own benefit at all times
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge A as having ‘heavy blood’ – which is a way of denominating people that ‘for some reason’ I cannot ‘stand’ without realizing that I am simply giving head to a programming within me that will most likely be creating a short-circuit with this person due to holding on to the idea of himself and judging him even further with that idea of him I’ve created and accepted to create and thus, acting and reacting according to the programming that I’ve accepted myself to exist as.
See, yesterday I saw myself even bothered by him being around – when making some material exchange he pointed out a joke about me wanting to have ‘more’ than his part and shit like that and then he said ‘oh no it’s a joke, you thought it was real? no it’s not!’ – and shit like that so I was dead serious wanting to say ‘fuck off’ but contained that and he’s probably acting out an irritable program by his own will, who the fuck knows but what matters to understand here is that this isn’t about ‘him’ and I have to stop trying to make ‘him’ the problem, it is about myself reacting and acting upon this general rejection that I experience, that I hadn’t experienced in a long long long time probably, quite odd yet the guy sleeps here and he’s around here and in the workshop so even though we barely speak to each other, he’s around. So I have to stop these mind creations upon him and the idea of him and what I see he does and acts like and see what it exactly ‘bothers’ me.
Anyways, dedicating some of my writing to this point indicates that he’s definitely created a point to look at – lol I wrote ‘greated’ well, I am stopping HERE and committing myself to stop the delusions I create just by listening to his voice or seeing him or interacting with him.
If any suggestions, let me know.
In other points I heard this interview about a social activist specialist guy from Brazil talking about how México is at the end of the list of countries in Latin America to take on Collective Actions – this implies creating legal demands as a ‘whole’, demonstrations against the abuse of power, placing complains on a judicial level, etc – He explained how in other countries there exists already a set of laws and regulations to take on this activities and how such rules are non existent in México – so, quite fucked up!! obviously because he explained how everything is MUCH easier when you present a demand to the federal government as a group/ an organism and how it is more prone to be ‘heard’ than when a single physical person goes there to plea and demand someone or for something – thus, it is yet another reflection on how separated we exist really.
There’s a saying/joke that if you place in one bucket lots of mice or rats in México, instead of them creating a rat-ladder to take some out of the bucket, they will simply take down any that attempts to reach for the top to get out – so literally, no cohesion exists – unless it is to identify themselves with a set of nationalistic bullshit on drinking days like independence day and shit like that – quite fucked up to say the least. I can definitely confirm what the guy said and well, I am not interested in creating this point of collectivity and unification at México only, but at a world level – and yes, it’s also easy to see how there aren’t many people from México at the forums – it’s more like from Spain and Colombia at the moment, South America is definitely having great impact on social movements and governments and economic development, wow – Like Chile or Brazil, seem quite cool – though Brazil speaks Portuguese and that creates yet another fucked up gap with language.
Anyways, that’s the point.
I went to a concert on saturday, CocoRosie came to México and they are some crazy chicks that sing and play instruments in a very very cool way, I enjoyed and also enjoyed the fact that I could come back home early and still use public transportation to get here. I had ‘tons’ to do in my weekend of which I got to only a few things – I really need to set myself some schedules here, otherwise I spent too much time on doing something and thus don’t get to do the other things and so forth.
I experienced a point on friday night, saw how I had ‘charged’ that day with doing something ‘special’ or ‘out of the usual’ and thus was expecting or creating an idea of doing something ‘exciting’ which obviously lead me to experience the complete opposite until I simply applied Self Forgiveness out loud and also on the points of feeling lonely and thus getting memories of being with people and so forth.
I emailed that one person ‘in my life’ that I stopped seeing at the beginning of my process because YouTube suggested that I could apply for adsense, though! that video contains his music, so I declared it was his music and YouTube asked for his written/signed permission to use it – and thus I conducted myself to email him just to ask for that point and he didn’t reply at all – even though I wrote him to let me know if he wasn’t willing to do so – so, who knows maybe he didn’t see it, maybe whatever – so that point is in halt as well. So! make sure you always have the rights to all music in your videos – best to work with equality-people really. lol
I’m currently sewing a tshirt that will say www.equalmoney.org at the back, looks quite cool, will share a photo when ready – I plan to wear it at a massive concert that’s going to happen next saturday, almost an all-day thing so… yes that’s it.
Okay, for now this is it – I am aware I hadn’t written in few days and all excuses aren’t fucking valid so this is me simply giving direction to the point in the moment – yet can’t make promises of writing everyday that I won’t keep – thus I simply write HERE write now lol .