Okay my entire post got erased- not cool – so I’ll simplify and write again here:
Well I wrote it out for myself on basically having met this person with whom I was able to speak and communicate like I haven’t done before with someone outside of ‘process’ and having the ability of understand what I mean directly and almost completely while giving feedback on myself and my own ways of communication which were basically still tampered and filtered through previous memories of me sharing about my process with other school mates and them just shutting me off or thinking I am just way too ‘off’ for them – this guy completely got it and he’s someone that I barely know and we simply met because we are going to expose a topic in art-history together and we were place randomly in the same team and just by communicating about the point of me not having been ‘fully’ into school because of having discovered ‘something else’ lead me to explaining Process, Equality, Life, Desteni etc etc etc in about 3 hours of sharing both ways perspectives and experiences and so, I enjoyed a lot the ability to communicate with someone this way, like for a moment it was an actual real-conversation in terms of speaking ‘out of the box’ yet within the school scenario – fascinating. He pointed out how he saw I was beating around the bush with sharing completely and so I had to expose how I was limiting and tampering my expression based on previous experiences as I explained above and thus stopped and allowed myself to share and stop the useless fears on ending up being perceived as a ‘lunatic’ of some sorts due to the very few times that I’ve spoken to this guy whom I have actually just met. It was very interesting nonetheless and I thanked him for having listened and he basically said that it hasn’t just ‘stopped’ there, it will definitely continue and so I am actually grateful that I had the opportunity to find someone to talk to about these topics that, as he said, they are not your every-day or average conversation and so we saw how it’s literally getting out of the ‘roles’ of whatever it is we perceive ourselves to be and simply share in a common-sensical way our experiences – I was quite fascinated at seeing the similarities and his own perspectives, reflections upon life, really rare to see that around here but yeah, maybe I just had to allow myself to open myself up to get to a point of actual communication.
So, I enjoyed that a lot and also enjoyed the Dia de los Muertos festivities starting around school where lots of cool stuff was created and built around Death, my favorite time of the year seeing skulls everywhere lol – I had a very cool day of communicating, talking, laughed a lot, face myself as well more than usual because i saw some old workshop-mates as well and they were really happy to see me after more than a year, I was very glad to see them, i enjoyed them and their expression a lot as well before and they’re still ‘them’ and I noticed how I had built this relationship tie about them and working in that workshop which had affected the way I perceived myself in that workshop – so, today after seeing them that same cool experience of myself came up and the moment I realized that, I let it go and realized how I had simply enjoyed them ‘in the moment’ and that was it – no strings attached –
The same with other old classmates – people from ‘my generation’ and we simply walked around school looking at all the cool creations by people, pff I am amazed at their creativity – I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think in that moment that I would probably lack the ability and creativity to do such things – and I laughed a lot today, really enjoyed laughing and sharing myself with others, in ‘serious topics’ and in more mundane points. Lol I laughed when this old mate was talking to his partner and said ‘yes just look out for marlen, I’m with her’ because obviously the head shaved ‘stands out’ in the crowd lol – and also how I told this other old-workshop mate how he had cut his hair and he said WELL! that question shouldn’t really be asked by YOU that have no hair at all! lol and some made jokes about my bald head – and my teacher, yet another one, pointed out ‘Aren’t you cold without hair? lolol like my other teacher that asked: ‘Marlen, won’t you be growing your head for the december holidays’? lol – and people are always wanting to see my school id where I have hair, lol quite weird because some people didn’t even meet me when I ‘had hair’ thus quite interesting to see that.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to limit myself and m point of expression and openness in communication out of fear of being seeing as a ‘lunatic’
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed fear to direct my expression instead of me standing word by word as who I am as life completely, instead of going limiting myself according to past memories wherein I had been shut off by people in my world whenever I shared about Desteni
It was actually fascinating how this guy saw the point Completely, he asked if I had talked about this with someone else before? And in my mind I simply replied, nope not at all in my current reality – which then he obviously replied that then I actually had talked about this before but something had happened that I was shutting off that experience and thus saying ‘I hadn’t when in fact I obviously had shared this with someone in my world but then not and thus creating a point of resistance towards me sharing in the moment – so fucking true so I had to explain how I had shared about Desteni and Process and my interdimensional portal encounters on YT and people like relationships had literally asked me not to talk any more about it and thus, creating a point of fear or resistance within me to sharing openly – but with him I shared it all and he never ‘denied’ or ‘judged’ that is quite remarkable because I would’ve seen myself being ‘doubting’ as well when getting some type of information out of this world – quite open and cool but fascinating that he saw my retraction to explain myself about Process directly and fully, so: awesome support.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to act out in defense mode whenver I misinterpreted concepts to be contradictory and thus, projecting the fear that I had with regards to being considered a lunatic, a crazy person, a cult person or any other ‘weird’ person that is standing for ‘tricky concepts’ which is basically what he did at some point.
Okay – I’ll cut it out here, I am glad I was able to share and communicate today with various people and enjoy myself and also allowing myself to do other things out of the ordinary which I found it ‘refreshing’ as well.
So, that’s it for now – memories only condition our experience, our expression in the moment – becoming unconditional through a Principle is what I stand and live for: Equality for All as Life in this World.