So! I have to share about how I deal with my world and how I realized how I move within my reality by already seeing the deception beneath it all meaning – I have ‘taken for granted’ the fact that I am seeing the deception within words, movements, actions of everyone, everyone’s words including my own, my starting point to do something – this is a constant ‘awareness’ of how the world works and how everything ‘moves’ and thus whenever I am ‘in the world’ interacting with others, it is me ‘playing the game’ nonetheless being playing the game but not really ‘lost’ in the game and becoming ‘the player’ completely but seeing how everything operates while being part of it all.
Now, part of living this Process fully and completely is having to deal with this, having to live with no point of escapism to be here anymore but to be willing to face this reality and the well-made lie we’ve all existed as for so long, perpetuating our own enslavement by losing ourselves literally within and as the game itself – this is why the words ‘within’ and ‘as’ are so relevant and are obvious points we’ve acquired from the Desteni Material and our walking of process wherein we identify ourselves with that which we’ve become wherein we see ourselves as being part of and acting as it which gives ourselves the credit of our entire participation and thus responsibility for everything we are in this world, everything we say, do and live by. So, back to the point of seeing the deception within it all, I can see that obviously I can’t trust anyone, I can only get along and play the game while directing the situation to the best outcome for all when possible, but we have to also face and walk the realization that we can’t just change our entire world right away.
The point of wanting and seeking immediate change, wanting people to ‘open their eyes’ as I did when getting into Desteni simply didn’t work at all because I tend to seek a result, immediate results from everything and I usually work in the fast-lane, wanting things to ‘get done’ and one of the points that I have walked through and still walking through of course is Patience – lol I remember one of my teachers in junior high, my math teacher how he used to say that ‘prudence’ was ‘the mother of all virtues’ – though nope, Patience is a very cool word to actually get to live as myself, it has been mentioned several times within my application and so part of walking this process is realizing that things won’t change overnight and that I have to actually have patience with myself as well, in my process, mostly when projecting the desire of change on to others, on to the world which initially only resulted in frustration and discontent and general sadness for people disregarding what I had to say. Since then I focused on myself, on my process and on learning how to be in the world but not of this world.
I see the sneakiness of people, I get bothered by it – so I do catch myself whenever I am playing the sneaky one as well. Since I was a little girl, I became aware of the roles that were played on in my reality, mostly in the school environment – this actually happened the very first day of school in kindergarten. My mother left me there with a bunch of kids whom I knew would be my new classmates and my new school – many kids were left by their parents, once they all went away, everyone started crying – I was 4 years old and at that moment I already ‘played the strong one’ and didn’t allow myself to cry, I didn’t want to follow the herd and cry as well, I watched them all there just crying lol all possessed by ‘missing their parents’ – I saw how an entire room filled with crying kids can ‘pull you into the crying game’ as well, yet I contained myself and didn’t cry because I wasn’t actually ‘missing them’ lol I was only kind of following the outflow of everyone else if I had done so . I remember very well I was the only one that didn’t cry for their parents that day, and I can count and remember the times that I did cry at school which are mostly related to my self imposed high-standards of how I had to be at school – thus crying the moment that I lost track in a mental-calculation exercise when I was in second grade and 7 years old. Cried out of frustration and anxiety for having gotten ‘lost the track’ of the exercise lol. I have been ‘too hard’ with myself, I’ve taken this points of wanting to be perfect to extremes wherein I got physically sick due to having played the game of competing towards others, yet always having that certainty that ‘I am the best’ and thus really becoming ‘that’ within school which is the ultimate perfect-slave system actually, lol.
anyways! back to the point of being aware of the role-playing at an early age, I remember observing my kindergarten teacher, a very strict woman whom I owe the fact of understanding why I had to keep my nails short, enjoying classical music, understanding maths as the eating or adding up of abstract values, the importance of cleanliness, good handwriting and why it was odd to play barbie-dolls with a male – lol. She was the definition of ‘strictness’ yet always saw her as being ‘playing her role’ as an educator, as a strict person yet only playing the role while at school. Once when we went to her house, I saw how she would take the role of teacher at school and be like just another being while outside of the classroom, fascinating. I also became aware of a lot of ‘behind the scenes’ moves that I simply played along with, seeing, observing kids, their reactions, it was as if I could tell what they were experiencing, quite interesting actually when looking back. So, the ‘sneaky’ point within myself I see it as how I became the observer of it all, seeing how the game develops with all the ‘behind the scenes’ moves that are often disregarded, I noticed how I could be looking at everyone without anyone noticing I was actually observing and analyzing them – lol I am not sure if I am explaining myself here clearly, but ever since a little girl I’ve sort of played the game yet been aware of most of the background noise between beings, behind actions, words, etc
So, walking this process has been a point of confirming that, seeing the picture as myself, not only as an observer but as an actual participant now, pushing myself to be ‘in the show’ yet not getting lost within the tricks and ways of the show. One sees the actions and points involved within a being’s words, movements, image presentation, thought patterns, facial expressions, everything and all can reveal themselves as a certain program and what I see is that not all are actually aware of it, which is ludicrous because within me it’s like an already-accepted fact that we simply tag along with, but it’s not – and so, within this whole ‘assumption’ of myself I haven’t shared what I see as ‘obvious’ yet it might not be so obvious for a lot of people, so – within this:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that there is ‘no point’ in sharing something that I have considered ‘has been said many many times before’ because of not wanting to repeat the ‘obvious’ without realizing that I am not considering all and the fact that some many not be aware of such point and thus, within me disregarding my point of expression on a point, prolonging everyone’s process due to my assumption on everyone ‘already knowing’ and thus conditioning my experience instead of simply expressing myself regardless on the point of it having been said before or not.
This happened specifically with a vlog I posted yesterday No + No - Equal Value for ALL as Life that I had kept in my documents because I thought ‘bah! this has been said many many times before’ until I read Andrew’s post on self value and realized, hey this can be actually supportive for others and posted it after one week of procrastinating to do so. Thus I realized how I have limited myself and others from realizing points and sharing just because of assuming that everyone knows it, everyone is aware of it and that it is somehow ‘repetitive’ to talk about it or share upon something ‘again’ – lol, imagine if Bernard thought that, there would be only half the videos existent on the DesteniProductions Channel lol.
Anyways, one can see how we limit ourselves within assuming and thinking beforehand, an obvious self-limitation point that is unacceptable and if I dig further, it comes from the desire of only sharing ‘new stuff’ within my own vlogs which is also a condition to my expression because, there is actually nothing ‘new’ in this world, we can only find several ways to express it – same with art I have created the same limitation I see.
So, I had to share this because this became very clear to me today and even though I perceive that I might have gone through this before – meaning the placement of limitations based on assumptions of being too repetitive – there is always someone that will actually be supported by it – if not now later on and that’s what actually matters, not the rest of the assumptions in advance.
Back to the point of realizing the deception of the world and taking for granted the fact that I see it or I am aware of it to a certain extent, is quite a ‘thing’ to walk with in our daily living because we can’t swallow the pill anymore and be lost in the cogwheels of the system, we start being well aware of how everything operates, what moves everyone, what is it that we are accepting and allowing ourselves to still deceive one another with for the sake of making the whole thing work – just like going to school, I mean, one sees how it works! people go there ultimately to get a title, some others to actually learn but if we go to the ultimate point some might only seek fame and fortune and others simply a title – I was in for both, right now it’s more for the sake of getting the title and most of us – if not all of us – have a certain type of starting point of ‘going to school’ everyday – then we can see how fear is implanted by the schooling system using grades and creating the belief that if you don’t do your homework you’ll be punished with having a low-grade and thus being a ‘bad student’ and that is ‘who you become’ within a certain paper that ‘certifies’ your walk through school – and everything works in a similar way – the better you play the game, the best placement you get in the system. In the end we all are aware of the entire deception and thus the question is ‘why do we keep perpetuating the lie then?
This is just one tiny tiny example- I see points of greed or deception in teachers, personnel at school, classmates, people I live with, strangers on the street, on how a particular system/institution works, it’s like seeing the starting point of how the world moves which translates on money, sex and the fool-fillment of these human needs to extract and suck dry other life forms for energy – pff no wonder STOPPING is the only actual real support one can give to the world when becoming aware of how it all works.
Okay, this is it for today and tonight – I have to point out that I enjoy writing these type of stuff out because it allows me to enjoy self-communication through words with myself and others as equals, to recognize ourselves within all of that which unites us as human beings living in this world and place aside all of that which creates the illusion of separation that we’ve accepted as ‘who we are’ which we are Not in fact
Life has no boundaries, Life is Self Perfection, Life is that which I am definitely walking to be as who I really am and stop for once and for all the accepted and allowed delegation of myself to a mind that does the job of caging each other within a hole called ‘personality’.
Thanks for reading, until next time