So yesterday I went to school and when I was about to leave the classroom to get some time in my house as I usually do to continue internet-movement one of my classmates asked where I was going and I said something like going to continue my social-networking point and so he asked what it was about and so I explained what we are doing and he got interested – I’ve seen him creating these ‘meetings’ at school wherein he takes the mic to sort of open up people’s eyes to do something about ‘uniting’ and expressing and realizing the current flaws existent in our school and thus our society etc. Though I saw him just as wanting to change his particular interest on the gallery at school and not really caring about the world outside of ‘school’ so to speak – though when talking with him yesterday, he actually has the purpose of wanting to create a point of benefit for all. I opened up the point of me being stuck with not knowing how to direct myself through art and the current process I’m walking as a group and the proposal of Equal Money System and so he explained how art DOES work for that.
He is currently working for ‘secret’ guerilla art contracts with huge companies – he knows by now how the system works, how to get people, create budgets, short and long term projects, how to get sponsors yet do his own thing which is mostly like street art – he told me that all of that will be required if I do want to create an actual organization and I explained how I could use his skills for that though first we have to get to a common-sense point because, even though his intentions are partly cool with his current projects – that are apparently already government related and brand-related – he exposed how he is still being driven for the profit making and being Machiavellic about it. We then talked on how we have to use the system to get the means to actually create an organization or how we could use art to do that, to start reuniting people by first communicating like speaking to them in common sense just as I was doing towards him which would leave him pondering at times and realizing some points and so did I, because he saw how I wanted to ‘impose’ ‘my point’ and not really give a door open for him to explain his current views and perspectives and what he does and how he views it – so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so impositive towards beings to place Equality no matter what yet not giving room for another to express and open up a point.
So, we didn’t actually finish the conversation as some other guy came to ask for a perspective on how to justify /create a text for his work and so I gave him some comment upon his work and how he can take the point of emotions and feelings as something that are invisible to another when we are simply sharing a public space and how that then is solely part of the secret mind and it’s not ‘real’ as who we are in the physical – lol he was like all surprised for a moment and said that I had left him thinking a lot more than the paintings themselves but on many other things so, pff that’s cool. I like talking to people when I don’t know them and I can simply join in to talk about everything that is basically common to any human being and points that we all can see and that are not cryptic or self-referenced as ‘personality’ only, but considering and taking on the general experience of a human being in their life – the guy seemed quite ‘awake’ after our chat on his work. Then I met one of my old classmates that’s already doing her social service, she’s working at a mental institution with art-therapy and she explained how it’s been great to be doing that and supporting beings and also supporting her into seeing like a self-reflection point on to them and thus, she’s learned how to be more patient, to not take people’s insults and comments towards her as personal – otherwise she’d end up equally mentally distorted lol – and she is definitely into it, and thus I saw how art was able to create that bridge a one on one point of communication with people that are individually living their mental-world within a group of equally distorted people wherein finding an activity that will actually relate to all equally is rather difficult – some like that type of activity, some others don’t and so, it is really quite a challenge to work with these people, and says she’s enjoying it. I liked the idea of her actually being supported within her supporting others, I’ve seen that point myself and it’s not a point of glorification but a point of seeing and realizing what’s common to all of us as human beings in this world and thus stick to that point to make actual changes in our day to day living experience.
Then I talked in the class upon language and symbols and how what’s really real as what we call substance we cannot see or even comprehend at this stage because we are conditioned by our mind system – some people really reacted to what I had to say and then tried to discuss the points I had said in class – I had to share how while studying some linguistics I had realized the point of enslavement and limitation imposed merely by the point of Language and being subject to words – thus now I see that if words are all we have to communicate – as images are also words in a way – then we use that for the best of all and use language to construct a reality based in common sense and not words that separate us even further as points of identity that wanna be ‘original’ and ‘special’ while we are all made from the same cookie dough yet cut in different shapes and forms YET made of the same cookie dough. So we as words, as ‘dough’ cut in different shapes and forms are able to simply realize the point of equality now at a mind-level, equal to the words we speak, equal to the words we decide to live and be – that is what we live as now and what exists in this reality thus we work with what is HERE. Then when talking about ‘Life’ as the essence of what is here, many authors were mentioned and so forth but it is really hard for people to let go of the glorification of beings that have come with apparent ‘great knowledge’ in this world just because of them sticking so much to all these thought and philosophical currents and so I made a comment on that being barf and lol some really reacted to that, I said I have no reverence for mind systems – yet pff they didn’t get it I guess, lol.
Then in history class upon talking about art that has been used for protest such as muralism and etchings in the first half of the 20th century in mexico, we discussed on how that point of collective action has been lost, and how these artists really wanted to make a change, offering art education as a form of interaction with people and providing services of let’s call it ‘adds’ being printed in their publications – though all of this required money and it wasn’t supported at all financially by any governmental authority, so, that workshop for example still exists but in quite limited conditions due to lack of resources. So obviously money is the key word right next to art, the same as anything else really, no fucking difference at all and sometimes even more lame because some people are so passionate with what they do that they end up being quite poor yet dedicate their lives to art and the production of their work – this idea of the ‘poor artist’ after all of these centuries it’s still the same – and just like the rest of any point in the world: only a few get to be really supported within this world to ‘make it’ – and those who make it, their works are sold in stratospheric numbers though a lot is also taken by the art galleries and art houses that ‘manage’ the artist. So, it seems there’s always a point wherein someone takes advantage of another, always, and why? Because of money.
So, my current experience in university is that of ‘accomplishing my responsibility’ that I took on when beginning this career and I’m walking through it in a ‘fair’ way, I am actually not really fully participating or already ‘moving’ myself within the art circuit to get all the points that could ensure myself getting ‘somewhere’ in the art market such as paying art critics to talk about my work or seeking for exhibitions or continuing my production at the same rate that I would do before. Pff, many points to take into consideration and to be constant and continuous with if one really wants to become an artist inside the art-circuit. So, I am not currently doing any of that and thus sometimes I see that the point I am caught in is in what will be ‘next’ for myself – am I going to be an artist like full time one or being a politician or taking any other point of responsibility.
The thoughts I see within my mind while being in the workshop and creating are related to seeing that which I’m doing as useless, a waste of time, pointless, my point of past infatuation and so I create and do stuff but my starting point has changed from before. I’m actually in a diatribe with regards to ‘art’ because I see that If I really want to ‘be an artist’ I would have to dedicate myself fully and completely –just as people that actually make it do – and right now I don’t see art as my ‘priority’ and thus the doubtful experience of myself there and the actual direction within art itself.
Another point is when I get compliments for what I had been doing in the past and the comments on my peers on how they liked what I did and them asking why I haven’t continued my photoblog or if I still take pictures – but, I stopped a lot of that when I began my process – only some ‘remained’ as my starting point of living and studying art and everything of myself changed when getting into Desteni. So my thoughts on this are that I cannot see myself ‘creating’ while the world is starving, while the worlds is being abused and abusing, while we are living in this current system where no one is really actually living but just playing the game to have food on the table – my expression is and will be conditioned by these factors, is subject to money itself and will always be like that if we don’t change the way how money works. It is fucked up to say the least how money affects actual self expression in many ways – not only ‘art’ per se, but our overall experience as human beings in this world, it’s fucked up fucked up when one gets to know the percentage of profit an artist makes out of a piece of art due to all the taxes and the percentage that the galleries get or your ‘team’ of critiques and people that help move your ‘name’ within the art-circuit. ALl of it is bullshit really, just as the music industry as how I have heard recently from Joao and ‘Shadow’ – making it in the music business requires you selling you the best you can to actually make it – if not you are simply struggling – and even when or if becoming a ‘renown artist’ you are still ‘milked’ as t. placed it to the last drop for the companies to make money out of ‘you’ an ‘artistic project’. Thus it is actually fucked up, the whole an entire world in all its business and markets and everything is really just lame and has to be changed.
I recall our faces at our budget and costs class wherein we learn a bit of administration and how the actual world of art works here in México, how we got to know that one only gets a very small percentage – as small as 5 or 3 % !!! of the total cost of a piece of art – once it is part of a market circuit or art gallery circuit, fucked up to say the least. Do I need to say more? No! And thus what can I say? am I being motivated by ‘money’ within the art point –No, not at all not even seeing myself at the moment making money out of art. So, I see it as facing my own consequences of having opted for this career, I’ve grown a second skin so to speak to be able to go through school and not be bumping my head all around the place for having decided to ‘study art’ – I only have to stop seeing it as useless, maybe only the points that we ‘learn’ at school are useless and I am fully aware that I am merely making myself a bit of a ‘fool’ playing along within school while knowing within myself that I am not going to end up making etchings or lithographs in the future, and they are thus merely ‘credits’ that I am taking – yet at the same time I do enjoy creating and all of that, but once again: as long as this world is the way it currently is, for me ‘creating’ is really a useless point – this is how I experience it at the moment and the environment is not really supportive and I haven’t created an actual bond to talk to a teacher or someone on what I am going through because, since my life changed within getting into Process the art point remained as a corpse of ‘marlen’ as who that person was and wanted to be and so on – I am aware that I discussed this point, certainly I did with Jorn and some with my resonances at some stage and right now the only thing I could care is creating a way to use art for the best for all as a point of support or propaganda for Equality.
I have written back and forth asking Manuela for support on this, she’s been very cool in explaining and supporting me within this yet I see that this is something I have to come to terms within myself and my current life experience – I see ‘opportunities’ of working together with people like this guy that is in some of my classes yet, he’s a heavy pot smoker and so on, like all people here and are still separated from those that they perceive ‘hate them’ and thus there’s all this blatant bullshit coming from within everything and everyone all mind related all money related so…. once again as I discussed with him, the point I could see as support would be merely into creating basic points of awareness through having meetings or chats with people – as he said, even if one person in the crowd gets it, cool, it’s one more point added on to it.
So, I can’t answer all the questions jorn placed in the blog post comment and I am certainly walking through that, all I can share is what I’ve recently seen and experienced and that’s about it – it’s quite plain to see that what we want art to be in the future is actual self expression that isn’t bout to following a trend or a certain market to be able to be recognized and sold and famous according to the amount of money a work of art is sold by.
I am aware of the potential it exists to create and thus I limit myself because of thinking that I would like to have ‘all time’ to be creating yet I wouldn’t be able to be ‘comfortably’ doing it, not while knowing that this world requires an actual practical answer that doesn’t enslave everyone to money to have the ability to create and thus existing in a limited form/way of expression, that is unacceptable and thus I come here full circle to say: my priority is Equality and as long as this isn’t fully in place my creation point will be tied up to money and thus to the entire fuckedupness of the system – so unless I can use art to support Equality, art will simply come to pass within my life – regardless of the ‘talent’ some say I have and so forth which really pushes my buttons every time people ask about ‘what I’m doing’ in terms of art creation because they had this ‘high expectations’ from me apparently but I really don’t care about accomplishing something for others – all I care is what I am currently doing and moving within Desteni and our process – I want to link art and my process as my ‘work of art’ so, that I can say is something I have to give direction to and that’s about it – comments, feedback please share. Thanks