Personality suits that can’t fit anymore

So I posted one of Palahniuk’s quotes on FB, sharing some of my old-days readings wherein I identified myself with rather sarcastic, gloomy and cynical writers like him or Coupland or Kerouac from half way of the past century – all a bunch of outcasts that made it into the writing business –

It was quite obvious that such point reflected back to myself – we all pick what ‘we like’ as that which we want to be like, that which reflects back to ourselves or an ideal of ourselves – all equally programmed and designed to keep ourselves trapped and defined and limited within one single character taken in society because, it is in that single character than then antagonism is created towards others due to the idea of self we hold as ourselves – easy – if one picks one religion then will surely be criticizing another’s religion, if one chooses one football team, someone else will be loathing him for being a sucker for that team and so on – we create our own separation as a way to regain a place of identity, people fear losing identity – as Palahniuk said – everybody wants to be remembered

and yes, everyone wants their 15 minutes of fame and be stored in the Facebook records for later history lol – and in that we miss the entirety of who we are because so much energy is spent to keep that idea of ourselves, trying to ‘keep up’ with ideals of ‘who we want to be’ and within that, losing the simplicity of ourselves  while playing the game that’s ingrained and existent in this system and that we so blindly follow.

It is useless losing breath literally trying to maintain a certain ‘idea of self’ that’s not real anyways but the entire system sells products and is design to serve each one within their self-created needs and wants according to their character, their personality – thus books like Palahniuk’s are obviously aimed to a certain group of people that I would relate myself with, wherein I would have friend that would like it as well because that’s how then human beings feel ‘safe’ and ‘understood’ and ‘identified’ – these chaps hit the jackpot because they know what people want to read! they know what people like them feel like, act like, and think like so people like reading themselves through the words of others – and so they add some spice to it and they get it, they become successful and thousands buying their books. The same goes for music and anything else really, some people identify with religious saviors and there you have all the amount of faithful deceived following some type of avatar.

Now, why is it so hard to stop the idea of self from dominating our worlds if we know that it is in that point that we can actually give ourselves back to SELF here, equal and one? Because we’ve given so much value to individuality understood as the specialness creation of apparent ‘unique factors’ that lead to the creation of any given human beings’ life. I mean, when I discovered through Desteni that I was not the only one believing oneself to be ‘special’ I kind of felt ‘relieved’ and laughed my ass off when seeing that we are all existing exactly the same, all wanting our ‘recognition time’, all desiring to ‘hit the jackpot’, everyone wanting their god/religion/faith to be ‘the’ one, everyone wanting to be having ‘the family of the year’ and believing themselves to be ‘the best of the best’ in this world lol! It was quite cool to start reading ourselves in Self Honesty and see how we all had the same fears, desires, constant thoughts, same sexual suppressions and desires, same existence basically, up there in the mind trying to get to an ideal ‘heaven’ on earth which would mean money sex and lots of ‘fun’ – being ‘special’ – all energy to feed the ego, to feed the delusion of ourselves, to be righteous, to do it ‘our way’, to be ‘like no one else’ – lol

This is how when walking this process we confront our ‘biggest fear’ lol I wrote ‘gear’ which is giving up the idea of self, giving up the ego, being able to become anything yet being able to give it up in one second and remain the same – here – one and equal…. yet as we realize it’s not only renouncing to that ‘idea of self’ but also having to re-structure, re-program and re-direct ourselves to now do something that we probably wouldn’t have ever done in our lives – that’s the deal here, that’s the actual challenge of standing up for life – and man! to me just the single fact of being now uploading videos of myself in YouTube, that single step in itself was a HUGE one as I wouldn’t have ever done it, certainly not, nor would I ever imagined contacting people, unknown people and allowing them to see me in videos – at this moment seeing the fact for what it is I can see that it’s even kind of hard to get myself in my previous mindset and try to bring here what I would’ve said then so I’ll just say it simply was something that I wasn’t going to ever ‘naturally’ do – and so I recognize it requires great effort to get oneself out in vlogs and I did that once in a while at the beginning, focused more on applying and writing and reading lots – then pushed myself to do it as I am still directing myself to do it and getting comfortable with it – sometimes I have reaction like ‘oh maybe I’ll be seen as if I’m an angry person’ lol but who the fuck cares if the message in itself is what matters – thus, that’s another barrier breaking in terms of exposure and using Facebook which was also another point of resistance because of ‘family and friends/school colleagues’ being there and it’s been an ongoing process wherein the moment I recognize the least resistance to post something, I post it – mostly when it’s about one of my videos and myself – that way every barrier, every self-imposed limitation I go placing aside to continue walking – so that’s cool and I see that it is actually standing by principle that can push any mind delusion aside, as easy as that because how could we ever fear sharing ‘what’s best for all’, how can we indulge into ‘having to sell equality’ to others lol, no – we simply share, we are here, we see what’s required to be done and so we do it, we stand by it.

Right now I’ve been directing more the point of vlogging in my language and will start writing in spanish as well – which somehow reminds me that one of my desired jobs before was writing for a music magazine – now I can write the hell out of this world without requiring a magazine – all I require is a keyboard and the page to hold the words together and that’s it – so yes, expressing myself in spanish is quite something – I consider I express myself better in english which is a ridiculous idea as no matter what language it is I express self here one and equal and thus I remove the resistances and ideas created according to the language I vlog in – But it’s been cool to be interacting more in the forum with people in spanish and other regular fuckers in the DesteniEspanol channel just like in any other place in the world so, proof of another point of equality no matter which language you speak, human stupidity still comes through the same way.

So! The point here is to simply let gooo of all ideas of self, of all standards, of all limitations, of all perceived ideals, of expectations and goals that we’ve set upon ourselves within a finite frame of personality as a designer’s life lol – designed, created, pre-planned, pre-programmed, predictable, limited possibilities, no actual choice – that’s what we’ve become and that’s what we are stopping, we all have to realize that this idea of self is what’s tampering the realization of ourselves as Equals – as long as ‘specialness’ exist we know one thing, we’re still possessed by the mind persona instead of living as Self-Here

Once limitations are walked-through we can only laugh at ourselves in seeing how flimsy it was anyway, how unreal,  how it was such a veil powered by batteries that usually ran out and thus lead us to a ‘breakdown’ that would usually lead us to then seek more energy to get more’ and be high to be able to forget ourselves and what we’ve become

and with that said, I leave this post with that quote I wrote I posted on FB today:

‎"Every addiction, drugs or overeating or alcohol or sex, it was all just another way to find peace. To escape what we know. Our education. Our bite of the apple". -Chuck Palahniuk


And here we go stopping ways to find ‘peace’ to be able to face ourselves and what we’ve become, to re-educate ourselves and no longer bite the apple from the tree of knowledge of ‘good’ and ‘evil’ – we remain here.


thanks for reading

About Marlen

I share my realizations and perspectives within learning how to live life in self-honesty in the Desteni Process to expand and grow as a person in this world. #IMatter View all posts by Marlen

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