Patience is one point that I am taking as myself because of having existed throughout my entire life as someone that wants to get things done right away, to go on to the ‘next thing’ as soon as possible and almost always ending up asking – what’s next?
The memory that comes up is from when I was quite young in school and I would be a ‘fast writer’ when were were taking group dictation and so as the teacher was dictating, I would write it out and would usually have to wait and stare at the window or stare at others to ‘make time’ so that we would be able to continue later – this developed as ‘myself’ as always wanting to get it done as fast and accurate as possible and thus I got used to finishing my work first, to always be delivering things first wherein it was an automated-way of existing. Just get it done, deliver – next one.
Though! as I once have mentioned probably there was a time in 2nd grade when having ‘mental calculation’ and the teacher was dictating, in one moment I simply got lost, couldn’t keep track of the entire exercise and so the moment I saw myself ‘lost’ the only thing I did was breaking into tears because of me seeing myself as unable to catch up
I forgive myself for experiencing any self judgment towards myself for remembering myself in that moment.
Quite fascinating because I had already written about this moment but not within the context of seeing ‘who I am’ within a similar situation now – which is simply moments where we feel we ‘can’t keep up’ or there’s ‘too much going on’ or when it’s an entire new paradigm of thinking and existing which is basically let’s say getting to Desteni and going into a complete shock of existence – and then within that having to challenge ourselves to keep up with that stream of new information, of material released, of writings, reading, watching, sharing, reflecting upon the points – all of that requires ourselves to slow down and not ‘break into tears’ so to speak the moment that we see ourselves desiring to ‘get it done’ and simply seeing it as tasks to accomplish or something like that, just like in the ‘school mode’ because then we see how it would be just another task-reward system game that’s mostly existent and ingrained within the context of school system for example – then later on it’s the basis of all jobs: you do, you are paid for and thus everyone gets to learn the ways of surviving: if you don’t do = you don’t get money = you don’t survive – so it’s fear of death, fear of losing, fear of not ‘getting it’ what drives a person moving in this world –
What the fuck eh? Being existing in constant fear of death is what might be behind all of what we do and a serious point to consider is if even deciding to place ourselves in this process is driven by a point of Fear of Death – lol – which is something that I constantly ‘check’ with myself in terms of asking me at random moments: can I die I this moment and that’s it? and the answer is in that moment yes I mean what else could I do – but obviously we know the point is not to create that as myself but to amalgamate myself as life so, lol it’s a cool way to test out ‘where am I’ with regards to fearing death and this is something I placed directly linked to ‘fear of losing good memories’ so
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only ‘fear death’ because that would imply having to give up all ‘good memories’ of my childhood, of my past as everything ‘I was’ which is indicating me that I still place value/specialness to ‘who I was in the past’ without realizing that all of that is non existent HERE but only as myself as the accumulation of everything I’ve done, everything I haven’t done and thus I let go of such memories to simply focus on myself HERE as what is walking and breathing as myself here.
Okay so, after seeing how kids are then trained within the survival ways within the system to then always push themselves otherwise having to face a ‘bad grade, being kicked out of school, being rejected by peers as one point that could be equated to ‘fear of death’ within the system which then obviously if not supported specifically in time, these small points and experiences can develop onto other type of mental situations that are nothing else but the accumulation of experiences within a particular point as ourselves that we go trying to suppress and not ‘face’ yet are existent within us which will eventually have to be faced and! that’s when the entire shit comes out – and it is ludicrous to see how within the current Education System there is no actual SELF SUPPORT given to people – like there are no actual subjects that give tools of self support for kids to realize the trickery of the mind obviously or how to correct themselves within a more emotional/feeling perspective – sure there are psychologists in school but obviously not in every school, certainly not in public schools which as always, the places and institutions with more deficient personnel and resources are the ones that require the most due to the entire set-up of such low-class or low-middle-class schools are then doomed to ‘educate’ people in a very precarious way which then within the ‘pyramid’ of the current system already places them at the bottom of the entire thing because of being determined/conditioned by default by the amount of resources they’ve had their entire life which conditions their entire education process, determines the relationships they create, the partner they choose and thus the job they will have and the family that they will then re-create as the same system and environment they’ve grown and lived in- very very few nowadays have an actual opportunity to step out of that conditioning and ‘make it’ within the system –
There ARE hardworking people seeking for opportunities to excel in this world, but the world doesn’t have such opportunities as available for everyone – how fucked up is that and thus we see how the entire system is doomed by default wherein it cannot exist without having a broad amount of people as resources to keep the top of the food-chain-or pyramid – in place – it’s an abusive system in its intrinsic nature and structure and, to think ‘there is no other way’ is what drives people crazy in fact, because it forces everyone to think that ‘there’s no other way’ and ‘we can’t do anything about it’ when in fact we can obviously – but here we go full circle – we require work, we require actual will to change ourselves and patience – because even if we are walking with ourselves only, we still have to face the entirety of what we’ve become as the accumulation of everything we’ve ever been and done and time-looped around in all our lives which is here as ourselves as this entire world as the accumulation and result of all points – thus the ‘intensity’, the ‘overwhelming experience’ that can exist when realizing or seeing the ‘bigger picture’ of the entire enslavement/conditioning points that we’ve accepted and allowed ourselves to exist as, never really doing anything to change – only probably questioning and trying to challenge it not from its foundation but from a mere superficial-perspective as only criticism and debate with no actual solutions as the solution – as we know – comes from a change in the entire way life is lived, the entire way life is Valued which if we see polarity is the game, we change the rules into Equality and with that end all games possible as no one will be supporting then a system of winners and losers – lol so typically ingrained for example in American culture – but an actual society/humanity that values everyone as equals as Life as Themselves.
That brings the word ‘bullying’ which has been a prominent problem for so long an intensifying as the nature of man reveals itself in the youngest ones in a more radical way, we see that if basic understanding of Equality as Everyone and Everything as Life, we would be seeing a significant change with kids and how they’d treat others because what I see is how that type of considerations is seen – within males specifically – as something too ‘sensitive for a boy’ and ‘too considerate’ and thus forming from that young age the ‘bully profile’ which is nothing else but the grounds of the male ego that is seeking to develop itself as ‘the winner’ as the one that ‘beats others’ as the one that is ‘superior’ and ‘best of all’ instead of living by what’s ‘best for all’ –
So, we can see how it’s all educational and how schools – at least here in the third world lol –have no actual ways of teaching system integrity at all – everyone only sees at the consequences, the manifested consequences and trying to find solutions on that level without ever seeing what’s the core problem – just as with any other situation in this world wherein we see how people are trying to ‘fix the money problem’ with rescue-packages and trying to cover the sun with one finger – none of which is actually ‘the’ solution to the entire problem as we know, but it’s time to open up our eyes and investigate, educate and apply ourselves to become that actual living change as human beings that are no longer robotized to work and live in the ways that only benefit the stability of an abusive system –and that beings with self, that begins at home, that takes dedication, that takes constant dedication and! the point that triggered all of this Patience – to be patient with ourselves when dealing with the entirety of the points that we are facing and we’ll be facing as we go discovering ourselves, as ‘the truth’ of what we’ve accepted and allowed ourselves to become starts popping up everywhere and this is to not give-up, to not give-in into any mind created turmoil and allow ourselves to have a single thought of ‘oh man! I can’t do this anymore’ or ‘oh! this is just so much’! because that ‘hard’ point is simply a mind-created experience due to it simply not being preprogramed to be able to grasp and/or integrate these type of Self Corrections as it’s like wanting Microsoft to work in the code of Linux so to speak, and creating a transition from one to another would obviously take time and dedication and a constant application to not get ourselves lost in the way.
So hereby I suggest we support ourselves to stop ourselves when having any of these thoughts and simply realize that this has to be done, that we have to direct ourselves, that we are here to get this done not from the perspective of another task, another ‘quest’ or another something to obtain or accomplish, but as an ultimate action of self-liberation from all restrictions we’ve ever existed as – and thus we realize that this reality is bound to space and TIME – so we breathe through this time to walk step by step, developing patience to deal with ourselves, with the things that must be done, to push ourselves to transcend perceived ‘inabilities’ to do something like saying ‘I’m not good at’ or ‘I’ve never liked this/that’ – or ‘I can’t do…’ but instead break through that mind-veil and see what we are actually capable of
We are here to realize ourselves as the full capacity of what we exist as – please take an hour of your time today to listen to this interview if you haven’t – it’s once again one of these encompassing key points within this process and it is of great support to realize the full context/bigger picture view of what’s going on here in existence:
Thanks for reading
To Re-Educate yourself, visit the Desteni I Process