Revisiting the old to take self responsibility for my creation.

I want to reflect upon a very old point in my past that emerged through a post that Cerise made called ‘Greedy whores’ based on auctions and charity which triggered a memory of when I participated in such type of events with a photography charity auction that – after all – I decided to participate in.

After I posted a comment, I realized that I didn’t take Self Responsibility for what I had experienced but still remained in the victimization point that emerged back then when seeing the reality of the world system within such points as money, charity, fame, recognition, boosting one’s image through charity-making – yet didn’t take a look at myself at that stage, I was all about seeking to ‘still my mind’ and be a zen master type of person, relying on carrying stones with me – literal stones for good vibes and smoking weed to ‘expand my consciousness’ – I was desperately seeking an answer, ‘the truth’ and in the mean time I was also seeking recognition through my art, through being constantly posting photos to make myself be seen by someone out there in the art world that would like my photos – and so it happened and so I got invited to this exhibition that I’ve talked about several times – though the relevant switch here is how I had spoken about it as a ‘major deception’ in my life wherein I placed myself as the victim, as ‘suffering’ a ‘harsh realization’ within seeing how things work and basically remaining with that idea of me being duped.

Yet now that I see this point it was actually me matching my desires and needs with those of the people I worked with in that exhibition, we were actually all wanting the same thing and we united for that reason – we had a vague idea of wanting to change the world and charity seemed the option that we all agreed upon and we did –at that time I discovered how charity is not the option when seeing how it all worked but right before that, my desire to ‘change the world’ was so big and with no outlet that I created that entire event for myself to finally step down of my cloud and see things for what they really are which is nothing pretty or beautiful – which was another cloud I was high on as well before.

So, I saw how I projected a lot of judgment towards this woman – that actually after some hours of me having ‘remembered’ that point contacted me throught twitter again after a long time and see that she’s still moving herself to support kids in Colombia – as she’s an actress and thus basically using her fame to promote this – and when I read her words of ‘being in contact’ I realized that she is still dedicated to her points and that we in a sense have probably similar points yet the means used to get to it are definitely different  -so, I see how I over-judged her and her intentions – I can’t really fucking talk about another’s intentions, I cannot dare to do that as I am not in their head – I can only speak for myself and from there/here I make sure I don’t ever indulge into assuming what someone wants unless it is fully spoken and opened up. Each one has to take self responsibility and I am no one to judge another based on what I see is correct for them to be and do – we can only present, share and walk the points we’ve walked so far but that’s about it – we cannot go ‘changing the world’ with charity either but this is about each one’s Self-Realization and within this I simply Stop judging people’s intentions and actions in any way as I can only focus on myself – I cannot keep victimizing myself from that single point because at the time it was what I sought, it was what I thought would make a difference and it was a very cool experience to see how the system works in that regard.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to indulge into self judgment towards another as a projection of my own intentions, my own desires and my own hopes/dreams to change the world and later on having harbored feelings and emotions about that situation as if I had been a victim of it all without seen the obvious: I had been equally participating and equally aware of the points.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to remain as a ‘victim’ to the situations that exist as myself, that I have actually created and directed myself to experience without wanting to take full self responsibility for everything that I experienced within my life

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my self responsibility the moment that I found it easier to judge another, to blame another instead of looking at myself and seeing how in essence the very same points I judged in another is what’s existent within me as a part of me

I forgive myself that I hadn’t accepted and allowed myself to see that I was victimizing myself within that situation as a form of not taking self responsibility for what I created and sought for myself as a form to gain ‘fame’ and recognition which are the very same points I judge on another and seeing it as self-interest driven while in fact, my entire starting point to participate there was self-interest, desire for fame and recognition.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe myself to be ‘right’ in my assessment of the events, to believe that I had been ‘duped’ and never daring to turn the event back to myself to see how is it that I created it – fascinating I just wrote miself – which is like a miser – back then I was seeking suckcess – that’s how I can relate to these points in such  an easy manner – it’s been said how virtually opening up any point of conversation will detonate participation in the physical.

 

I can only speak for myself, I take self responsibility for everything I’ve been, everything I’ve said and done realizing I can only forgive myself for it all and continue

So that’s a cool self clarification to remove any possible mind-resistence as had existed  in terms of this reality, this world  specifically on how the entire economic system works. We are all part of it thus we work with ourselves to start being that change – and that’s it.

Thanks for reading.

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About Marlen

I share my realizations and perspectives within learning how to live life in self-honesty to expand and grow as a person in this world. #IMatter View all posts by Marlen

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