I also have to say that I felt joyful the moment that we had our last speech giving in our contemporary art class by our teacher wherein the last discussions revolved around Equality and how ‘Equity’ is now being a word sounding around this city as part of the new definitions given to citizens in this city´, México City.
I came to live here back in 2006 following ‘my dream’ which was studying art and becoming a ‘famous artist’ and earning lots of dough for the sake of then having some power and recognition to impulse humanity in a way, to ‘change the world’ yet I didn’t know how, I just thought of creativity, art and fame to be a great platform to impulse this.
I came into this city which was part of conquering my parents’ fears around me leaving the house and living on my own in the ‘big city’ – this is the beginning of a journey wherein I had all the ‘energy’ to walk through school, I was an avid learner with all things art even prior to getting into the university so to me, it was my dream come true.
The outflows of this is that I became quite fond of weed which became a more frequent habit as time went by while being here to the extent where it was on a daily basis throughout the day getting to the eventual point of ruling my reality. I engaged into a non-stop research on anything that I could use for the sake of transcendental art, art that could literally heal or change a human being in this planet for the ‘ultimate good’ which I perceived back then had some spiritual connection behind. It is through this intensified research that I get to Desteni which changed my life forever, I would certainly never ever be the same again.
It’s been over 3 and a half years now – two years ago exactly on this day I was arriving to SA to meet the people that I had already considered a true family, a family of equals that would support me in all ways for a year that I’ve defined simply the best year of my life in all ways. It’s going to be a year since I came back to México with the objective of finishing what I had left of which is, art school.
It became quite a difficult point to walk once I realized my true ambitions behind studying art and how irrelevant the practice of it in traditional ways is now with regards to what I am doing and what I am producing at this stage as part of Desteni, as a human being that’s standing up for Life.
I remember Sunette’s words saying: ‘walk through it’ meaning walking through the last year of school and enjoying it as well which is what I did actually. I realized I had to take self responsibility for what I had chosen to study in the first place, I had to finish what I started as I had previously already left literature which was the first career I had picked to study. So, the decision to come back to México was clear when I realized that I couldn’t just drop out once again, that I had only one year left and so in one go I let the people at the farm know that I had to come back to México. Lol, I got tempted to stay for longer but it was the right time as I would be back just in time to settle myself back into the city and reintegrating into the school life.
Coming back was part of facing my responsibility and simply doing what’s necessary to be done to get the title as well. Within this I met new people from a generation behind me, I was able to create an entire thesis project based upon my personal process as an individual receiving artistic education and being dedicated to creating social awareness with regards to the requirement of an overall change and transformation in this world.
This is what I see I had to speak about and so this is till today, the topic of the final work that will give me the final title as a visual artist – for now, we can say, we’re ‘almost there’ as I still have to do 6 months of social service as well as the multiple corrections on my thesis until the eventual final examination which will enable me to be having the first superior degree within the system.
I must say that I had doubts of being able to finish throughout my career and I must stay that it was due to my own commitment to process, to Life and to what I realize we have to be and become that I decided to do this, to finish it, to do it the best way possible and that’s eventually what I’ve done. I also made sure I enjoyed myself and that’s what I did, in fact it was quite eerie realizing that this is it, no more sitting in classes for now.
It’s fascinating as this process began for me while being in art school, almost at the beginning of it so I did go through hell and back for a while with regards to creation, to creativity and sorting the unnecessary prejudices with regards to creation while battling with my own backchat with regards to art being useless, art being meaningless, art being a foolish thing to do in a world that starves. I went through moments of desperation as well wherein I could see no point at all in continuing, I saw multiple thoughts of wanting to drop out really so, I am glad I’ve made it. Hell, even after leaving an entire year, there are generation mates that are still owing credits while I am done with them all even after leaving for an entire year.
So as I was just reflecting while chatting with someone, the girl that entered art school is not the same at all as the one that is finishing classes up today.
A year ago I was in Germany, it was the last day that I tried alcohol as well, I made sure to quit after this last drops as I realized and knew I couldn’t fool myself, not even by excusing my idea of ‘being in Germany’ and being offered this as a present/ gift by some people we visited there – I realized I had to stop right there. And I did, I haven’t drank a drop of alcohol by my own will since then, this is the first time or the longest I’ve been without a drop of it probably in almost my entire life. Seriously.
I have also realized the point of walking the matrix within school, being in the system but not of the system lived through these years but more specifically this last year wherein I realized how important it is to not isolate myself, instead I enjoyed the social interactions with people whom for some reason have expressed they got to be fond of myself, and I also did of them. I was also thankful for my teacher that received me once again at the workshop even after I ‘dropped out’ without a word – I also had a cool teacher who felt comfortable enough when communicating with me to share his experiences as a youngster that didn’t want to take self responsibility and how the specificity and technique required for art, allowed him to become more disciplined and methodic. That’s what I see within myself as well.
Overall, my conclusion upon this entire experience is having had the ability to step outside of home, learn how to care for myself, to take self responsibility for living alone, making sure I am not fucking around in terms of what I am here to study and thus becoming a more responsible being yet, still having flaws at a personal level with addictions and relationships which I eventually quit to then simply become a full process-walker while going through the academic world.
There were certainly times where I simply wanted to ‘leave it all behind’ and till this day I got another view of how artists still hold ego as a main asset within the artwork itself as a point to praise as the individual’s creation. Yet, I also got to learn about people that have tried to make a change but haven’t gotten the actual course of action to do so – we do and I am more than glad to have a full direction on what is required to be done in this world as I was completely clueless and aiming at various directions when I first got here. From spirituality, beliefs in ufo’s, conspiracy theories and plain ideals of god I got myself to land on Earth to realize there is No God and I must take self responsibility for myself and this world.
The process began.
Time flies and I simply wanted to share the fact that I am very glad I’ve ‘made it’, there’s still the last bit to walk but the classes-time is over now.
So now it will be about finishing up the thesis, social service and all the full blown Desteni projects for Equal Money and all the necessary stuff to be done to make sure we are communicating at the level of Equality in this world.
Okay, thanks all at Desteni for walking all this time because it is definitely because of being supported and supporting others as myself that I accepted the strength and resolve necessary as myself to walk through this, to accomplish this and get it done so that we can continue walking and preparing for what’s to come in this world.
This is how we do it at Desteni, we make sure we get it done, we make sure we walk it no matter what, we make sure we get any distraction and diversion left behind to simply continue breath by breath.
thanks all!! I thought this day would never come : this is simply another step taken : D