We are here, walking through quite a tough time to say the least – breathing through frustration and repressed anger due to everything that’s going on around Desteni. Not cool at all yet it’s what’s here as part our own on ‘self revelation’ which we can see within this context is never what we would’ve dreamed as humanity of in terms of it being bright and sunny – nope, not at all. The truth of ourselves has come to the front with quite a nasty face, yes – that’s the system that we’ve so blindly followed and created for such a long time. Though, there’s nowhere to run or hide: we stand and face whatever comes our way.
My sister emailed me saying that she had dreamed of me and other Destonians with very worried faces and so she was worried about me – I said I was okay and that we were only going through a ‘rough stage’ because of having our main accounts deleted from YT. I saw myself in the mirror – nope, I’ve had ‘worst times’ lol in terms of my eyes not being droopy, only slightly tense in facial muscles – I can see that we can definitely walk the necessary points and simply keep breathing-walking-moving as that’s what we’re here for, there’s nothing else to be done really.
So, I really saw this got me down for a while- yet it’s been supportive to go through these phases and having points of responsibility like the social service wherein I get to work in other stuff. Today I went out earlier for my break, I ran home to have some rice and yoghurt and prepare my coffee – I’ve had moments today specifically wherein I’ve desired to have a cig, have a puff of something … though I realize that’s only the mind wanting some type of relief – there’s some tension in my shoulders yes I can notice that.
Within all of this I can only bring myself back to breath/Earth as that’s the point I’ve always got, always the point back to myself here to not allow myself to get distracted by other stuff even though I have allowed myself to be distracted for so long – patterns repeat really and will do so until I stop for once and for all.
I wish I could be fully ‘here’ all the time when these eventualities happen but nope, I still went a bit down and I can see it’s only thoughts and allowing the experience to become ‘me’ so much to a certain extent wherein I kind of ‘numb’ myself for a while. } Yes that’s the mind speaking wishing and hoping for a better experience – nope, we instead ground ourselves and make sure we remain constant and consistent as a self-willed action instead of allowing me to desire drifting away for a while which is then quite ‘rough’ to ground ourselves back to that point wherein we must be screwed into= facing ourselves in Self Honesty. Ouch.
I can’t say ‘I got myself out of this’ – not really. It’s more like stopping the thoughts that lead me to a certain state and instead direct me to keep walking, reading, doing. I mean, I’m beginning to understand what being mad in this crazy world implies – it’s not about going harming people and shooting the shit out them, nope. It’s about playing along in the game while being fully aware that this game is a phase that we have to walk through to get to actually realize the fuck-up we’ve created as humanity. Yes, it’s kind of ‘rough’ or tough to go through life like this at times, but that’s only a mind perception. Hell it can be so many things, who knows! maybe it’s even my hormones and women cycles! lol so I have to always realize this and see it for what it is to not give it any more unnecessary weight.
Yeah, it’s kind of eerie having these experiences at times seeing everyone just in la-la-land while one realizes the actuality and magnitude of shit that’s here – that’s when people say ‘Ignorance is Bliss’ yet, I’d rather know and allow myself to even though we know and realize the fuckup that’s here as our creation, we allow ourselves to express and be here devoid of carrying the weight of the world on our backs, yet DOING something about it within myself, instead of playing dumb and numb myself from my reality.
We have to walk this world I mean, we can’t just get ourselves apart of it because of being constantly aware of every single thing that’s fucked up in our world – nope, that’d be separation and we could only end up with permanent social-apathy and depression if we’d do that – certainly just adding up to the vast numbers of people already being labeled and going through these type of phenomena in our societies.
How I see it, how I live it: being mad to me resides in being seemingly/apparently sane for the rest of the world while we go through our days fully aware of what’s going on, yet also fully aware that it’s in us that the actual ability to stop going further down the downward spiral is existent. This way we play the game without ending up sucked into it once again. That’s walking the matrix.
I wrote a bit on my sketchbook and realized that sometimes words come out better than the lines of a drawing – both expression in the moment according to the experience, when there’s too much mind bs then words come out so that I can let them out and see them for what they are – otherwise when here and not having much to ‘say’ lines flow out like waves –
Ok, so – practical points as part of living in this world and correcting our habitual patterns of self-seclusion is just going to work and even if the activities weren’t that prolific today, it was supportive to simply be doing something and moving around – changing airs was the expression I used for myself.
Being alone sometimes enhances that entire self-possession, so when that happens I simply go to the outside to ‘ground’ myself again – that’s a cool point to consider and try out. I mean life around here is not all rose-petals on the ground really, so it’s quite easy to get back to reality by just stepping outside of my door.
I share this because it’s often how we go existing in our world: we are alone and tend to wallow in our own self-created – yes as tautological as can be – pity and/or misery and I’ve noticed that when I’m with people and working on something specific, then I simply shift my focus to that which is required to be done and so, I move.
I cannot allow such a thing as ‘mood’ to influence me in my reality, nope not anymore. So whenever I see myself carrying a stiff face I know that I have to breathe and kind of get lose with it – indulge a bit on the earthy chats that people have and laugh a bit- laughter is a cool way to deal with these points even if it’s for a moment, I enjoy doing that and it’s worked for me just moments ago wherein I could laugh a bit with my house mates – so that’s cool .
And so we walk – this can only strengthen our resolve, it’s really awesome being working elbow to elbow – metaphorically speaking of course – with every person that’s involved at Desteni – just striking short conversations wherein I know that someone in South Africa or in Europe or in South America is seeing and walking the same we are seeing and walking- it’s great to have internet nowadays I mean, we better use it while it’s here for that which is best for all.
We will not stop till Life is Free – and that’s Free within the entire context of the word as explained in the previous post: Freedom = Equality as Life – that’s it.
Okay thanks for reading.