Self expansion–reinventing yourself as one and equal.

Wanting to perpetuate and preserve this world as it currently is can only place the cherry on top of the cake as the result of a meticulous self destructive process that we’ve all been equal participants in – yes, it doesn’t matter if you’re homeless, if you’re rich, if you are locked up in your house : we’re ALL equally responsible.

Part of the not so popular message that Desteni presents is how each event that we face in our world is self-created, it is the direct result of what we’ve accepted and allowed as ‘part of our world’ – wouldn’t this mean that by the single fact of allowing poverty and starvation to exist, we should all walk the same conditions in Equality? This is what being One and Equal actually means, in fact it’s realizing that we are ‘them’ as the people that are currently enduring such living conditions, yet we’re all nicely packaged and wrapped up with bubble plastic to never realize what is going on and how we’ve come to accept the world as it currently is. Within this, Self Honesty is not bright and beautiful, it is actually daring to see how we must be held accountable for what we’ve created, affecting all life forms while only regarding ‘humanity’ as the masters of this reality, implying that the rest was either dead or inferior in some way.

It is then obvious how this all must stop: the problem is human, it can only exist as the human itself – hence we either stop or cease to exist for the sake of stopping this perpetual abuse we’ve inflicted upon everyone and everything in this world. I have no problem with this, in fact it’s the solution that can be the saving grace for all abuse to have a final last breath.

 

It is not nice to hear that all the shit we’re facing and will be facing is actually our own creation – yes, though it is only through this realization that we can then get that bucket of cold water to realize: “I cannot possible go on as I am – I cannot continue existing this way” and if even after having gone through whatever consequences we are or might face in our reality, we fail to see the necessary changes we’ve got to take on and commit ourselves to stop – it’s only obvious that self-abuse has become the actual trade mark of the human kind.

The law of stupidity would e doing again that which we know beforehand won’t be supporting ourselves, it would be committing the same mistakes that we should’ve learned from previously. The extent of how we victimize ourselves within such cycling is quite revealing in terms of blackmail and ensuring that we in the end justify the ways we lived and get away with murder so to speak. It’s very easy to shun away all the problems, it’s more difficult to face and correct them.

 

I spoke to people today about art, about money, about selling yourself, about us being currently bound to this current system wherein it doesn’t’ matter if you’ve got the brightest idea to create a magazine for example, if you don’t have sufficient money it is most likely it will fail. This reveals how cold-blooded this system is, it doesn’t matter if you’ve got the most creative idea, if you’ve got the determination and self-commitment to take on a project, without money being in place all of this potential is simply turned off due to not having enough fuel to keep running.

 

I heard other people’s perspectives on this, trying to be ‘supportive’ to the enterprising person, implanting hope and optimism which I then had to shut down by allowing this person to be aware of the condition of the system and how the reality of this world must be considered when running an art business that has no immediate customers and it’s not a product of first necessity in our current world.  I saw how this might’ve been a ‘downer’ for the person that we were ‘supporting’ with this though I stop any form of self-condemnation on what I said because I am simply speaking about the reality as it is, it’s not about being pessimist or negative, we’d rather ask ourselves how we’ve accepted and allowed this world to exist within such a constrictive and abusive system that tampers the initial drive and joy that any young adult could have to run a business wherein art is the main product to sell – it sucks that we have to see colleagues running down misery lane when facing the actuality of this world – yet, I won’t spread a message of positivity, I rather make sure they become aware of how it is possible to make things work through continuous dedication as a life commitment to that which they want to invest themselves on.

 

Within this it was inevitable to not talk about how I apply it myself and what I’m committed as my life – I shared with him how if I am going to be living this life to do something that I can say ‘this is me’ I rather stand for and support that which is engaged in social reforms, in actual life-consideration and not only investing my time and effort to perpetuate ‘my name’ as someone that makes nice pictures – no. It’s clear that what we’re busy walking as Desteni transcends ‘who we are’ as individuals and can only stand as a group effort, because there is nothing else really. I’ve tried and sought ways to fulfill myself through only doing art, it’s futile. Once you see the system for what it is, once you start becoming self honest it is damn hard to fool yourself into pretending everything is fine and not do anything about it  – this doesn’t mean that we’re bound to be sad and blaming ourselves for it all the time either. It is about ensuring that in any opportunity you have, you share yourself, you share how you support you into living in this world and making decisions that consider what’s best for all instead of creating all of them based on flickering desires to be famous or recognized or earn heaps of money without even looking at how money is actually existent and created in the first place.

 

Then talking on art with a photography teacher. I once again had to explain how I cannot view the world in a ‘nice way’ at all – I must share that since we are now openly accepting – even though this was openly published since 2007 – that this is our last life, all the drawings that I made came back to make sense, I stopped judging myself from being a pessimist or having this gloomy self destructive view of the world that I depicted on these paintings and drawings because it is actually how things are and there is no other way I could be expressing myself. I’ve been actually drawing a bit more as I trust myself as that point of expression, call it a way of healing and supporting myself I make it whatever I can make of it yet, even though it might be perceived as stark, it is the reality I am depicting there, nothing else.

When talking on ‘what I am compromised with’ in terms of my artwork and current creations I placed back the cards on the table for me to see. I’m glad I have to present this last lost credit at school and facing that ‘one teacher’ that I had so vehemently attacked in my mind before, I’m glad I’m able to now speak and share with him and speak not from the high heeled ego that I was before towards him, but got to speak in an equanimous way on how I see the world, what I am doing with these images and within that how I cannot go on sharing shallow pictures that mean fuck all but look nice. If I am here to leave words and images or any message, I make sue that the message doesn’t stand only as the ‘me’ that I believe and perceive myself to be – if I am here to place a message that might be read or heard by others I must make sure such words will enable them to realize the same for themselves. If I get to talk to any given person in my reality, I make sure that I do not only ‘pat their back’ telling them what they want to hear or stroke their ego – no, that’d be self compromise. I speak and keep myself congruent and consistent within what I stand for and that is obviously common sense and principle of Equality, ensuring you don’t support others to remain in the constrains of the mind but show them what they are capable of being and becoming once you are realizing that for yourself.

 

I realized how I actually enjoy communicating to people, sitting with another and literally talk face to face as an equal and support in any way I can – it’s only in that moment wherein you stop your mind from creating an image o idea of someone and simply communicate that you’re able to get to support another even if it’s for a single moment and never again in your life, it’s that ‘portal’ or connection point wherein you are able to open up a door in another that they hadn’t considered possible before. Within this, I make sure that they understand that there must be a single consideration of placing our effort and time into doing something that will not just ‘go by’ as another trophy for humanity’s witty self-centered sense of existence, but will actually challenge and dare to cut the cake that’s been held intact for so long – you might get rejected by people around you at first,  yet as you remain constant and congruent with your words and actions, you eventually reveal to another that which is actually possible to exist and what we’re able to be and become.

 

The ‘how’ we stand within this is then the reason why we form a group, why even with the distance we walk together and make sure we do this till it’s done. I can’t be anything else but grateful for being part of Desteni, there is nothing else in this world that I’d rather be, truly as it is only through being a Destonian that I’ve realized that I must stop the delusion I had fueled for so long, that I can actually vow myself to stop my own ego and start working as a group which, in retrospective, I thought I would never ever accomplish. I was a real selfish being, always avoiding to work with others in teams, always wanting to be ‘alone’ and be literally ‘left alone’ for the sake of not having to deal with another one ‘opposing me’ – hence I created some type of hostility specifically around the fact of working in/as a team. This is one part wherein I have literally seen that I’ve stopped and definitely changed, considering everyone when taking an action, when writing something becomes then an ever-present presence that can’t be denied or neglected once we realize it is in this initial disregard that we’ve forgotten who and what we really are.

 

I’ve written far too much but it is somewhat cool to be able to write about what I experienced throughout the day and how events that I would’ve previously prevented at all cost – such as talking to someone ‘I didn’t know before’ and actually care to support him in that moment, or presenting that photography credit with that particular teacher – have now been great opportunities to expand myself, to forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to banter and gossip about the teacher, specifically bashing him for his apparent ‘great ego’ without even looking at myself and how it was me as this huge-wannabe-ego that approached him in the first place before creating only a duel of titanic egos lol – it is only through me forgiving myself for the past, and even the recent past of having had an altercation of sorts with him, I was able to face the point again and this time stop all the general hostility I would experience towards him and get to communicate quite well –  I won’t say I ‘enjoyed’ it, I simply stopped all judgment towards him and only took the moment as the communication went on. I would notice my mind/ego wanting to get exalted by his remarks, this ego-defensiveness that comes out whenever ‘my views’ have been questioned – this self righteousness that I once cultivated and fed through buying myself into the role of ‘an anti-establishment and non-conformist artist that takes no shit’ yet not within the common sense perspective of not allowing any form of self-abuse or diminishing, but as a way to defend my ego that was on the way to be willing to ran over anyone for the sake of my own personal glory and using the ‘art excuse’ to do so. I am glad I am stopping that or have stopped it for the most part.

This is actually cool to see how I was able to step down of my horse and be humble while talking to him yet sticking to my ground – takes quite a measure to do so. Last time I tried to do this with him – and this was only a few months ago – I lost my inner battle to face this person because I had already pre-defined my starting point as that of ‘having to fight this person’s ego’ and or defining the moment as ‘him being in a bad mood, therefore ‘I’m fucked’ which could only imply I had to be acting ‘from my ego’ as well to topple it – all a merry-go-round cycle of self abuse which is very common to exist in this world. I literally saw how within me only speaking here as myself with no emotional attachment or memory,  I am able to talk effectively and simply walk the points that must be walked, regardless of ‘who’ I am communicating with.

 

So, this once again allowed me to see how it is possible to stop and change ourselves and how we can support ourselves to face one of our greatest resistances and walk through any point that we’ve regarded as a ‘no-go’ within our lives.  Self honesty also implies that we’ve got to see how everything that we don’t like about a person is definitely reflecting ourselves back – this is a point that is known by everyone at a subconscious level yet hidden and shun away from realizing it consciously as that would imply having to take all points back to ourselves and thus equate ourselves with that which we ‘loathe’ and despise or hate or whatever – that’s quite a slap on our faces with a white soft glove –

 

I saw again today how it takes guts to acknowledge the damage we’ve done on to ourselves, that it takes courage to be willing to face it and that it takes actual self-trust in realizing that no matter what I am here and I can’t possibly escape from myself ever, hence I walk and do what’s best for all because there is nothing else that could be possibly be done in this world.

 

I saw and realized how it is practically possible to be able to talk and communicate and share with a seemingly ‘unknown person’ about common sense, I actually see the nonsense of  what a ‘known’ person is considered as which is basically having a set of information as the knowledge that I could have of a person that would only then create a special bond/ consideration as a relationship formation wherein I would apparently then be conditioned to ‘feel at ease’ or ‘safe’ around such person due to ‘knowing them’ – I’ve gotten to see how this point of ‘knowing people’ works for some years now and wondered how I had held such point as such a relevant and a determining factor to my general considerations to establish relationships in my reality. There is no need to ‘know’ but only letting go and breaking through imposed barriers to communicate and share – the common factor we have with another we can communicate with  is being living physical beings and this should be the basis for all interaction to be essentially possible – it is only when communicating through/as the ego of the mind that we can shun away a point of communication, that we can start picking on someone, that we can create backchat when facing another, that we can get annoyed or angry at someone’s words – it’s as easy as that.

When you are simply here communicating, nothing or no one can affect you but by your own acceptance and allowance, and once that is demonstrated as the way we can be, we show as living example to others how it can be done – this is a constant walk, it comes with actual living application and it takes time and a  general self-drive to do so which won’t come from a mental motivation that’s for sure. My mind was trying to cringe at every possible comment that would be made upon ‘my art’ from this teacher, but instead placed my guard away, accepted the comments and/or criticism and then gave feedback as to how I stand for a particular view and/or how I am and will consider what another propose for the sake of allowing self-expansion and not only encapsulating myself in my ‘own views’ and sticking to ‘that which comes easy’ to me which represents that I stick to a status quo instead of daring to reinvent myself as a process of self expansion.  On the contrary, if I would’ve stopped myself in any way from communicating or sharing or getting angry with this particular person, it would’ve been an indication of me still participating as ego and not as a physical being that speaks in the moment with no past or future to hold but the moment.

 

This is how once again, the Desteni support available for all is the most relevant stuff to get to understand and know in this world because we can’t possible continue without understanding how we are all responsible even if we don’t remember, even if we don’t care – we’re all here and equally-responsible and it is only through establishing this basic communication as ourselves once again that we can start re-living the necessary realization of us having to do something more than just buying, eating and dying.

As human beings, if  willing to remain living, it will and can only be possible through living as principle, not ego – to fully let go of anything that we’ve held as a reason to be mad at this world, as a reason to be ‘the way I am’, as a reason to why I held myself in my own high-horse wherein I wanted to only ‘be successful’ and ‘seek to fool-fill my dreams’ while disregarding this entire world within a self-constructed dummy of reality wherein I could control and be the ruler of ‘my world’, to only see a pretty picture of it, to only seek to be apart from everything and everyone else without realizing that it was actually out of fear that I did so  – Stopping the malarkey begins with myself.

We’re all tired of it all being ‘shit’ so why don’t we begin with ourselves? We’ve all sought happiness but why didn’t we dare to see that such happiness can only exist at the expense of another? Rage and anger are only ways in which we’ve victimized ourselves in believing that we have no ‘will or say’ in this world, without remembering how it is that we agreed upon it all.

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About Marlen

I share my realizations and perspectives within learning how to live life in self-honesty in the Desteni Process to expand and grow as a person in this world. #IMatter View all posts by Marlen

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