If we take a single phase in our lives and we write out ‘what we were all about’ we’ll inevitably see how such phase or personality as the character played out in that scene had a series of items linked to them – this makes us look at the most evident factor within our current capitalist system: the entire idea of individuality as the character-creation experience has been impulsed for one single purpose: ‘buy your own style, buy your individuality, stand out and be original = just do it, be yourself, be free’ and all the rest of mottos we continuously see in all types of adds from gadgets, clothes, beverages, shoes, alcohol, you name it –
Hence we’ve been ‘educated’ and ‘supported’ to become a certain type of personality as a requirement within the system to have a ‘space’ and a ‘place in the game’ because of: Money – yes. That’s what’s behind everything that creates and defines a certain character and it’s plain to see this when we place this point into perspective and see how a human being that is barely making a living has no time, no money and no space in their mind to be thinking ‘what to wear’ or ‘how to become more outrageous and original’ – this might be laughable yet we can only laugh back at ourselves when realizing the extent of self-delusions that we’ve fed as blatant obedient followers of what culture dicktates us to be and do –
All roles, all aspects that we take as ‘who we are’ within the social system requires money to buy that which creates the entire personality-suit in the matrix which is how people will see you, how you will be identified hence we’re taught that this is how we will obtain our self-worth and value, that’s how we end up investing a lot in this character-building process which will apparently create a safe-spot for us in the system – wherever it is that you want to be within it including the rejected-aspect of it as all polarities complement each other.
Letting go of these personality traits and characteristics in the literal meaning of the word is not a point of sacrifice – even if I thought so at the very beginning of this process – it actually was something rather comfortable to do.
Past Self Image and it’s creation
8 silver rings on my fingers, buy the most ‘unique’ and ‘original’ clothes I could afford which were mostly skirts and all types of tshirts that could match a certain color chart that I had chosen as ‘my colors’, buy all types of bracelets, earrings, necklaces, nail polish, weed – now this is talking about one single phase, the ‘colorful weedy phase’ , before I’d be focusing a lot in my hair on having this perfect bright black hair – no shit, I’d spent like an hour brushing it while reading under the sun so that I could have a perfect straight hair – this means I was burning my hair with the sun but anyways – lots of eye make up and yes indulging in all types of items that could match my then image like painting my nails black having a collection of shoes that matched the style. So, even if I was apparently an ‘anti-image person’ I would indulge into the same aspect of image creation yet as a counter act, so ‘my style’ was something I got to be proud of eventually due to the time and effort I had to go through to get to that ‘style’ that I apparently wanted to be. All bs really.
I must say that letting go of all of that personality fetishism has simplified my practical living 100%. Besides the no make up and no hair, no painting nails or wearing jewelry or having a stack of clothes that could define ‘who I am’ in any given day, I’ve gotten to actually focus on clothes that are comfortable and mostly supportive, plain, simple. I realized how the outrageous pieces of clothing I bought were mostly to create an impact as ‘who I am’ as this artsy cookoo person that I was for some time, seeking to make an impact on others hence in essence becoming a walking image instead of being just another living being. Letting go of this ‘originality’ was quite a deal at the beginning, it was an actual process and only when actually letting it go and living within simplicity that we get to embrace that which we were initially resisting to let go of. The peak of this point was when I shaved my hair when I realized how much of ourselves was even defined by ‘our hair’ and all the products that went along with it.
Now, this is only on ‘what I would wear’ – but in terms of my room and the other items that created the entire image/ character/ personality, that’s another story. Buying cd’s, books, music magazines, antiques, art supplies and any other stuff for decorative purposes in my room became yet another something to invest my tmie and money into. It’s plain to see that ‘who I am’ involved going out to seek that ‘something’ that I required to buy to continue expanding myself as this personality.
Within stopping the participation in such personality-shopping binges, my living expenses have reduced substantially and literally focusing on the necessary like buying food, paying services, some times a year buying clothes if necessary and personal toiletries. That’s about it – I might go to a concert but that’s seldom now. The rest of the expenses on these outrageous items are gone. It’s funny because I still live with the stuff that I bought some 5 years ago and when I realize how I chose everything so specifically to suit an image, I can see how much I spent on this personality castle-building. And it worked obviously – that’s what allowed me to see how the system works in terms of creating relationships and a self-image that then would have a ‘place in space’, it worked really well in art school literally getting what I wanted and the recognition I sought for while being partially conscious about it. Then when the radical change came and even after when I came back from SA people kept wondering ‘where was Marlen’ because I looked like nothing they had ‘known’ – to me this was a cool indication, for them it was like ‘I’ was gone forever. Thank anu for that.
Now that I’m bald, that I mostly wear brown pants and black tshirts and wear boots lol it’s kind of not easy to ‘identify’ myself as part of a certain human group which is cool, I want to be then identified as part of the whole without any tags just because of how much I had spent money on that. An x person that isn’t an image, but an actual living physical being.
So, with all of this it’s plain to see how this system is based on feeding this point of ‘you must have a certain personality’ so extensively.
Let’s indulge into the social-tags on people. Imagine a geek must have the latest computer equipment and latest gadgets to be up to date with tech stuff. The academics and intellectuals spent a fuckload of money in books, in music, concerts, trips, nice wine and food for their friends to come over and delight themselves with. For sports people, they require to have great equipment for whatever they require in their discipline, trainers, lots of time spent on actual training and buying the food that will satisfy their physical requirements not to mention the clothes and shoes necessary for that. Same with all the urban tribes as teenagers that spend heaps of money from hairstyling products to make up, to accessories, to clothes, shoes, bags that will match their presentation –
If we take all of these personalities from the matrix, the items produced and required would reduce dramatically as no one would then be requiring to buy ‘nail polish’ or expensive jewelry to fit in a certain social status, or ‘designer clothing’ or shoes that are foot-killers yet they lift up your bum if you’re a woman or look ‘spiffy’ if you are a man… I mean, we’ve become such walking jokes and we’ve all caged each other within this because we’ve accepted ourselves to be ‘what I see’ and within this, people seek each other and establish relationships based on this personality-matching schemes. It’s funny when you’re not able to be ‘identified’ as ‘something’ in particular – or they simply regard you as an ‘x’ so that’s cool – no definitions please, simplicity.
So that’s the final word here: simplicity, that’s what I’ve embraced as what I am within this point of personality wherein I do not require to look a ‘certain way’ to be ‘someone’ and buy something to keep ‘upgrading’ that personality. I’m just here, I use and wear what supports me and not me supporting an industry out of a preference.