So I went to a concert last night and due to the distances in this city, I had to leave significantly earlier to get there on time. I had then second thoughts about going overall because of it representing time, money and being around thousands of people with several beers inside. But, it was one of the bands that I’d listen to for years 10 years ago, certainly and I won’t justify it further other than I simply had to go.
I gathered all my stuff, I actually wanted to get there earlier as some other band I wanted to see was 3 hours before this main band would play (Portishead). I left my house and took a cab to the light-train station. As I was half way to the other main station where I’d take the subway, I realized I didn’t have the ticket with me – that represented more than 40 minutes and money lost in transportation. When I realized I simply kept myself ‘calm’ and getting over what would’ve been my self-deprecating words like ‘Oh you’re so fucking stupid!’ or anything along the lines because I simply took the point as my mistake and simply realizing I had to get down on the next station, take the train on the opposite direction, take another cab to my house, fetch the ticket and then do the same thing again.
And so I did.
The point I wanted to share here is how even in petty things like these we can stop from blaming and self-talking ourselves to death for committing such ‘stupidity’ and getting angry with ourselves and/or trying to blame anything or anyone outside of ourselves, but instead we take responsibility for it and simply ‘do what needs to be done’ remaining ‘here’.
A cool point is that once I had the ticket, I was way past the time to make it to see that one band and so I also stop the endless regret I would’ve had in the past and simply in one moment I said ‘I let it go’ – that was it. The guy that drove the cab was relatively young and I told him I only had this amount of money to get to the station and he took me all the way to the subway station for a relatively cheap price and it was actually very cool because we talked about ourselves and the world, living by principles and being human beings that are not existing upon the self-inflated values that money poses on people. I enjoyed talking to him definitely and I was actually glad to hear someone just ‘getting’ the point as easy as that which is not easy as many cab drivers are mostly hooked in anger and fears and many other experiences that I’ve seen when talking to them.
Well, another point is just the entire concert experience – walking through the seas of people and their wobbly movements because of them being either high or drunk. I decided that I would have fun and so I simply ‘did’ without requiring to drink or smoke or be with someone, just by myself yet surrounded by many others and singing, moving and getting out of my usual routine which is also cool now and then. I had real fun just walking through the crowds of slow paced people lol and enjoying the weather and walking around. At some point I was painting on my hand with a felt tip pen just for the sake of ‘killing time’ before the artist began and some guy next to me said ‘hey cool, can you draw one in mine as well?’ kind of in a joking-manner and I said sure, place it like this and so I did – people don’t really expect you to do things they half-jokingly mean.
Anyways, I also realized that the enjoyment of the music was more related also to all the past memories and experiences I had with such music so I saw those thoughts coming up but somehow moving to the music and just being there were the actual enjoyment. And so, I had fun which is what happens when I let go of any idea of OH what will the person behind me say or think if I sing or move around a lot and any other limitation we could pull-out as humans before.
Then the concert was over, I made it with no further altercations with people other than the usual drunk that gets to hit you out of them not being able to stand still on their two feet.
I went out of the crowd as fast as I could, it was quite fun as there were barely any lights and the only guide were all the people walking and so I went running all the way out while zig-zaging and surfing through the waves of people – This was a car-track stadium-like place so it was a long road out of there. I realized how much I had limited myself with regards to running and getting tired easily – it was also fun to do this because at that time people are usually already in their downhill of a high with alcohol or drugs and are mostly like dead men walking – so there’s not many people running around – also letting go of any limitations or judgments on ‘oh what will people say if… blabla’. I noticed how these thoughts come up within me yes, that’s how it works yet it’s about me not giving them any further space in the moment wherein I simply breathe and let go and keep going.
I also walked through some comments on myself due to being a bald headed woman and not giving a cent of reaction regardless of the nature of the comment either as ‘flattering’ or not. Just remaining walking not giving head to anything else but what I was there doing in that moment : walking. lol
Life simplifies yes and stuff that would bother you before doesn’t bother you anymore. I also realized how much I had invested upon my image before to denote particular likes and dislikes before when going to concerts which were the equivalent of what ‘going to the club’ would mean for others.
So it was alright, I have to take my precautions being alone at night in this city but I arrived home well. It also takes money to have ‘safe transportation’ such as taxi cabs that are controlled and not just getting on anyone’s car at night – it’s always very obvious how we can move according to the money we have and how fast or how slow we can transport ourselves.
So, I had fun – I stop feeling guilty for whatever reason I had experienced before like ‘going out there having fun’ but it’s not something I do everyday either so, it’s cool to have this which can also be created only if you have money so, we require equal money for all so that all people can have fun from time to time.