The Familiar Nuclear Threat

“Sibling-rivalry – the nuclear family preparation for the division of the weak/strong so that the strong can be prepared to fight in the system in the game of survival of the fittest where only the strong survive” – Sunette Spies

“Thus–as a selective design of natural selection, could JEALOUSY be the undertone preprogrammed to make sure siblings will always be at each other’s throat?” Bernard Poolman

Family is the unit of the system, the ‘nucleus of society’ wherein the very basic relationships are formed once any human being arrives into this world. Such relationships determine our nature that will be ‘activated’ through interaction through our pre-laid conditions existent as part of the information acquired from both father and mother that create a clone of their own. Now, besides the entire parenting aspects and considerations that are certainly something necessary and vital to understand, we have the interactions that develop within the family between parents, between siblings and between siblings and parents. The entire hierarchical system and survival of the fittest is played out and accepted as ‘the way to live’ in this reality.

Parents do not consider the fact that the very relationship they may have toward each other will remain as a permanent imprint that will determine their children’s ability to either step out of the pattern or follow it in the exact same way throughout their life in terms of the relationship with themselves and the world. Parents often believe that children have no eyes and ears when they’re very young which is obviously not so and it actually creates fine imprints that remain suppressed yet still existent within each one.

Bullying begins at home

Who hasn’t had a ‘fight’ with a brother or sister, who hasn’t fought with their parents? I’d say if you answer ‘me’ you’re mostly not of this world as it is certainly one of the accepted and allowed ‘normal’ aspects of living with human beings that have the same blood as yourself. There you go. Siblings have the exact same blood with just different spices here and there which will essentially, by biological predisposition, become organisms that will be following the laws of ‘survival of the fittest’ wherein each one will by default try and be the one that ‘makes it’ to have the best life, to be the ‘chosen one’ by parents and society.

I can see within my own experience how favoritism became a point that I ended up accepting as a form of suppression wherein I saw myself as ‘overshadowed’ by my sisters and what I perceived as their social charms which I just couldn’t ‘trigger’ with such ‘natural ability’ myself. I would see them as my parents fulfillment of what successful women would mean and within this, because of seeing myself as ‘unfit’ to do so, I created another niche for myself to exist in/as, one that existed as the opposite of all the norms and paradigms that my parents were mostly expecting of myself. I sabotaged myself within that as it became the point wherein I began secluding myself more and more without realizing that such ‘low self esteem’ or any other belief that I had of myself as not being ‘as good as’ my sisters became the actual factor for me to become the self-created black sheep of the family.

I virtually ended up doing everything that they probably didn’t plan having in their family, I broke the schemes and made my own safe space wherein I didn’t have to compete to be ‘the best’ between my sisters because I was ‘different.’ I created for myself such alternate reality just so that I wouldn’t have to keep up with the pressure of having to become like them, just so that I wouldn’t ‘let them down’ in terms of them having any particular expectations on my life.

Eventually just as anything, my personality was resisted, questioned until it was embraced as a form of resignation actually. When I began walking this process of self honesty at Desteni, I started becoming aware of  the entire veneer that I had created for me to be ‘at ease’ with myself without ever having looked at the self-judgment point that I accepted as real which became the reason why I created a ‘harder’ version of myself.

When I was a little girl I was mostly laughed at or constantly picked upon because of how ‘innocent’ and gullible I was. My sisters would have fun making me shit scared about the dark and all the ‘unknown’ which then became an aspect that truly got a hold of me for quite a lengthy amount of time. At the same time I grew up seeing them through their teenage years and their relationships to which I remember always thinking: ‘I’m not going to be like them, I won’t play out the same drama queen, I won’t bring boyfriends home’ and several other points that I lived out as a counter-act to what I had witnessed within them.

I would have really offensive exchange of words with them when growing up. It’s fascinating how I had almost forgotten about this because of how long it’s been since I last lived with all of them in the same house, but I did create quite a grudge that I managed to suppress all the time. I can’t even remember what our problems were about, all I remember is having great problems with both my sisters at different times.

If I wouldn’t have been walking this process, I would’ve literally self-sabotaged myself in my endeavors to become the exact opposite of everything that my family could expect of myself in all ways. Right now I realize that I must create myself from a starting point of common sense and not out of spitefulness toward the nuclear family which is a threat to realizing our Equality.

Now this is only my experience, several memories suppressed to the point where I neglected that it was actually jealousy as fearing to lose the ‘love and preference of parents’ as the race/ competition that I literally stepped out of and separated myself from, creating an opposite point where I didn’t have to compete and I could be at ease with my own set of ‘preferences’ and ways of being. This was nothing else but a defense mechanism to protect me from having to go all the way in such competition.

I am aware that this plays out in all families, we’ve corroborated as well through our chats and forums wherein we are well aware that we as human beings are no different to each other – we’re all essentially programmed to play out the same conflict points to ensure that we remain trapped in such relationships of deception as the power games and competitions to be ‘the best’, the ‘fittest’ which translates into being the most successful one in terms of how the system works. Parents become then proud of those that ‘make it’ and fulfill their expectations and such point of favoritism and preference becomes evident and undeniable either through words or actions that indicate that there was never actual equality lived within the family system. 

From watching parents and their relationships that are more often than not ‘dysfunctional,’ children learn to have the same relationships toward siblings and if there are none, the actions are taken on to others in their world. It’s fascinating that people are being so scandalized by bullying rising every day more and more in schools, without realizing that kids are only playing out in school that which they’ve learned/ seen at home.

A child that sees their parents fighting, yelling or getting to points of physical and verbal abuse will develop conditions of speech impediment, insecurity, anxiety which are all fear based in terms of not being able to ‘compute’ the fact that such surreptitious violence may exist at home. Imagine this being compared to the ideals portrayed in the media wherein the kid only sees that reality does not match the apparent ‘standard’ which makes them feeling inherently ‘damned’ for not having such a ‘good loving family,’ without being able to see that the reality is that such domestic violence is almost the norm in this world and not the nice family-set ups that are portrayed on TV. Such dissonance only creates an inherent sense of being cursed for having to experience such play outs at home where blackmailing, offensive remarks and general high tonalities are used as a form of expressing discontent to one another. There has never been an actual realization of self responsibility within the family system, we must create a general awareness on how relationships are able to be walked within self responsibility and general awareness that we cannot blame anyone for what we are experiencing within ourselves.

Due to kids becoming then rather detached from reality as a defense mechanism,  leads them to not interact ‘as the rest of the kids,’ becoming easy targets to be picked up and bullied at school or any other environment, because of how they feel incapable of standing up in situations of abuse, because there is no education based on self honesty in the family system. It’s actually the adult patterns playing out in school age within kids – either the bully or the bullied – which is now making everything pretty obvious in terms of how we are all responsible for the existence of such violence.

We must stop existing in continuous cycles of suppression, spitefulness and inherent rivalry between each other at home which is where our entire life is settled upon. We require to sort out these initial relationships within ourselves and toward this family-nucleus to make sure that we stop all forms of deception within it that later on becomes ‘who we are’ within our personal life and as members of society, creating a world equally fucked in terms of accepting hierarchical schemes as ‘real’, respect as form of keeping quiet to each other to keep the comfortable status quo and a general convenience that extends to economical protection mechanisms as well as the rest of societal-benefits that are existent toward ‘families’ in between as the ‘settled’ ones – this is just because of how much benefit to the system there is when ‘raising kids’ and becoming an integral force that supports the system of abuse.

A hostile environment between members in a family is essentially the pot in which the ‘future of the world’ is usually brewed in. Therefore it is quite clear that the family system must be reformed/ corrected to consider all beings as equals, wherein actual support is given from one member to each other to develop ourselves to the fullest potential.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in pretense where everything is ‘its right place’ without realizing how I created myself as the counter act to such false pretension and in this, existing as the acceptance of such pretense of ‘everything is fine’ being actually so.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to neglect the fact that I created myself out of being an opposite to my family and in this, seeing myself as unfit to fill the idea of ‘everything is fine’ and ‘normality’ yet in essence, still subduing myself to fit a pattern that I can take as ‘my own’ in opposition, without seeing it came out of spitefulness toward the family system.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to deliberately sabotage myself just so that I didn’t have to ‘strive’ any further to ‘conquer’ the ideal position that was promoted within my family system.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to exist as a deliberate ‘deviation’ from my family which proves that I played out the ‘atheist’ so to speak wherein I am still defined by the idea of ‘how I must be’ according to what the familiar standard is/was by becoming the opposite of it, the denial of it and within this, pretending that I ‘found my place’ while in fact I created it for the sake of not having to struggle with fitting in and fulfilling others’ ideas and expectations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘all is well’ in the family where in fact, there’s been an underlying rivalry all the way which I took on as an opportunity to stand outside of the mold, as a form of bailing myself out from such ideals – yet in essence formed from the idea that I am not able or capable/ suitable enough to be/ become that which others want me to be.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create such a dependency on how I was being perceived within the family to the point of thinking that it is all revolving around myself, therefore feeling like ‘I could not keep up with the high expectations’ upon me, eventually resorting to ‘break the pattern’ and step out of the competition to be the ‘best’ within the family.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to act in deliberate ways to keep the status quo, to not place things into the fire for the sake of seeing ‘what may burn’ which is in essence forgiving myself for fearing creating conflict that could turn into my own detriment as the safety net that family provides – in essence still allowing myself to be trapped within the entire manipulation existent within it.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be affected surreptitiously about the fact that I knew I wasn’t ‘the favorite one’ and in this, accepting my side as the ‘relegated’ one in the family, yet finding a comfort in it because I could be ‘in my own place’ without having others to compete with.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create myself out of a definition of how others would see and define me within their own value-schemes, without realizing that I am not that which others see and perceive about me, I am not that which I still believe I am as an image, personality and memory-system of various experiences that can only stem as a limitation/ definition to who I realize I am.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be ‘overshadowed’ by the ‘grace’ that my sisters showed to others wherein I saw myself as incapable of being equal to – therefore becoming the ‘black sheep’ as a deliberate way to step out of such competition.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to deny the fact that any form of jealousy existed toward my sisters as a way of not realizing that the entirety of myself has been created as a counter-act in polarity of what they are/ represent within the family structure.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to accept myself as inferior to my sisters because of their ability to create experiences within me that I could not ‘control’ when I was a little girl – hence becoming a complete separate pattern of what they ‘are’ so that I could not participate in their games any longer.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be jealous of my sisters because of how they would be socially-appealing and graceful wherein I saw myself as unfit to be that, making of myself then the counter act so that I didn’t have to ‘compete’ with them to be ‘better than’ and in that, accepting a perceived ‘inferior position’ wherein I didn’t have to play the game – yet remaining within this inferiority self-perception.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there was only ‘space’ for someone being ‘outstanding’ within the family system and in that, giving away the ability that I had to become a self-perfected human being because of accepting myself as ‘flawed’ specifically when comparing myself to my sisters and others within the family system.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create my own survival mechanism by ‘getting of of the game’ and becoming an ‘unfit player’ for such game which is then how I created myself as the opposite and counter act to my sisters so that I could have ‘my own place’ in reality and feel ‘ok’ within it.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel bullied by my sisters when growing up and in that, generating resentment toward them because of how ‘mean’ they were to me, which I then used as a form of ‘seeing myself as better than’ once that I created that ‘safe place’ for myself where I didn’t have to fit in their schemes anymore.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ‘place the other cheek’ whenever I was bullied by my sisters and within this, accepting myself as inferior, as flawed and as too feeble to stand up for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately suppress the anger and sadness caused within the sisters’ relationship just so that pretending wouldn’t seem such a ludicrous game to play as a family.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel ‘inadequate’ within my family and not-accepted, therefore resorting to seek people in my world where I could be ‘accepted’ and ‘liked/ loved’ for ‘what I was’ which was nothing else but a counter act to the accepted norm within the family system – therefore seeking for others that would feel the exact same way to resort in similar misery with each other.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that my ‘friends’ were my ‘real family’ wherein I actually created my new definition of what ‘family is’ which is a mutual acceptance through deliberate manipulation to remain as the idea/ image of that which we like in each other, keeping the status quo of that inherent self rejection and never willing to support us to actually Live.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel ‘bad’ whenever I had to realize the actual manipulation and lies/ deception going on in between the family members, which I could only witness and keep quiet about so that I wouldn’t form any discord in the moment.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be affected by others’ comments in the family toward me being ‘a bug’ in the family and within that, becoming even more self righteous within my self created black-sheep suit.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to never realize I was only spiting myself and no one else within this self created opposition toward a system that I now see and realize I cannot allow myself to continue being influenced by in terms of defining myself according to it.

Okay, so far several points debunked – it’s all in the family, everyone’s got a similar story so I suggest you dare to investigate for yourself how yours went.

Thanks for reading.

fakesmile

Advertisements

About Marlen

I share my realizations and perspectives within learning how to live life in self-honesty to expand and grow as a person in this world. #IMatter View all posts by Marlen

Share your Realizations

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: