The internet has created bridges that we probably never really imagined in our past as humanity would have been able to be built. For this, it’s cool to be living in this moment wherein I am able to share, communicate, express and be part of a global movement that is moving through/ as the internet, wherein I have now become used to being constantly participating as a daily point of communicating, sharing and supporting myself to get to know ‘how the world works,’ which is what this ‘information era’ has allowed us to reach at the click of a mouse.
I am Here and this is what I realize, I share myself because I have been equally supported by a group of people that also realized that the internet was the way to reach people around the world and create a total revolution within humanity, it’s been a ‘silent’ one for many – however the effects of people understanding what’s common sense and considering Equality as a starting point in everything we do, remains as a ‘nagging thought’ even for those that initially or deliberately judge and criticize the Desteni message with all types of prejudices – mostly out of that initial fear everyone has to change.
Through us Destonians being sharing ourselves through writing, sharing videos, information, participating in forums – we are literally creating a ‘new cyberspace’ to be and become self-honest people that care enough to share themselves and walk a process of Self Honesty to stand as equal points of responsibility within our own lives, and eventually toward the whole world as well.
Me and Self-Exposure within the Internet
See, I had a tendency to fear conflict, fear of having to ‘expose’ myself within the internet, I saw it as the equivalent of going out in the night through dark alleys wherein you never know who’s going to attack you next, I feared criticism and judgment from others toward myself. My initial desire to have internet had to do with fulfilling preferences of downloading music only.
I nagged my father a lot to have internet – essentially buying me a modem at that time. Lol, my cousins would make fun of me because of being ‘building my own websites’ without having internet and within that, imagining that I was surfing the internet. When I did get it, I was just happy to be able to research on what I liked, reading artists biographies and everything else that had to do with music. I formed some relationships for several years at forums, people that I got to meet because of music mostly and these were people that definitely influenced myself to the extent of being one of the ‘bridges’ that I had to eventually get to Desteni at some point – even if they didn’t get to it themselves.
So – within forming all of these relationships through the internet, I became used to ‘being connected to the world’ and essentially creating a dependency to it – see the words: relationship-dependency. So – the process now is to remove all tags of ‘dependency’ toward the internet, and using it for what it is, a way we have to communicate with others, the world, to educate ourselves, to share and be part of an actual process of self-realization and self-correction required in order to understand how we have created this system as it is – it is essentially an ideal tool to do so.
I know that If I didn’t have internet, I would not be doing what I’m doing right now with/ as my life, as Desteni, as this process of Self-Responsibility. I would have kept myself in a very comfortable bubble of entertainment and following my dreams and desires with no further consequence to see ‘what’s going on in the world’ – this is hypothetical really, who knows what could have happened in reality so let’s just say that I wouldn’t be doing what I am now doing.
So the point is, I’ve had intermittent internet or no-internet at all for the past days which is somehow breaking a routine within my every day living. Though, what’s interested is that I noticed a point of ‘temptation’ coming-through wherein my mind then feels ‘too comfortable’ for not having to ‘be there’ all the time (be there = internet, communicating, participating) and within this, I acknowledge that my participation within the world at the moment happens through the internet mostly. So, not having internet is a way for me to ‘get too comfortable’ within this disconnection because it means ‘I have an excuse to not participate’ or not share and communicate with the world, which is how I used to exist: only being with myself, not talking to all people, but only to those that I thought could ‘understand me,’ I spent living a life through other’s eyes within reading books, listening to music, painting and all of that which satisfied my personal desires and ideals.
At that time I had already withdrawn from being constantly watching news and/or being ‘politically informed,’ because I had given up within the idea of realizing that wanting to be a ‘powerful person in this world’ involved getting down-and-dirty within a ‘corrupt world.’ I obviously didn’t go further into researching the system and how it all works for real – I just took the easy way out, deciding to study something that could at least get me closer to ‘feeling like a human’ than a money-making machine. Oh yes, I screwed up myself within that I had to walk through the entire decision until this day.
So, it’s a cool thing to be able to look back and see that I have come quite a long way from that initial resistance I had toward sharing myself, it was a deliberate push but also a process I understood from the group perspective = moving as a single ‘force’ within the system, within social media. Without having the understanding of what ‘walking as a group’ implies, I would have probably recoiled back to my old patterns of seclusion and just keeping my little depressive bubble in place, because even in such misery I was comfortable – nothing was disturbing me other than my own thoughts and personal relationships, it was all I had to ‘take care of’ at that time.
So, obviously when seeing myself ‘out of the internet’ for a longer time, I get these memories of ‘who I was’ before I was into Desteni or the internet and believe that I could get ‘too comfortable’ by not being active in the internet again, which is literally a mindfuck only, but cool to see that it comes up as it is an indication that such ‘back door’ is still existent yet dormant somewhere ‘up there.’
I also see how ‘not having access to the internet’ becomes like a ‘time off’ of my responsibilities within it – which is then what I have defined as ‘too comfortable,’ because we all know that by human design, we would ‘feel better’ if there was nothing to worry about or be in charge of. However, I am now in charge of several points and this means that I must have access to the internet in a constant basis.
When coming back from SA, I spent two weeks without having internet – at least not being there the whole time and/ or having very limited time and access to it. But, because I was in another country, I would see it as a way to get some ‘time off’ as actual vacations for it, but the truth is that the point of daily participation in the internet was existent as a thought in the back of my head the whole time.
So it is to remove any ‘dependency’ toward it or idea of ‘having to be somewhere else’ and simply direct myself in every moment that I can or can’t be in the internet. This should not mean in any way ‘separating myself from process’ or the actual walking we do here – it is about using what’s here when and if available – otherwise I don’t have to nag myself with that constant worry or preoccupation that doesn’t allow me to simply direct myself in every moment.
It’s very simple –though the mind ‘loves’ to make it a lot more than what it actually is.
The reality is that I have made the decision for myself to get myself ‘out there’ and it’s been a very lengthy process. I mean, I had all forms of resistances to open up a blog to share myself, to record vlogs, to open up accounts in all the usual ‘social media’ – I avoided Facebook for like the first two years I had an account there, and I would have probably never broadcasted myself on YouTube or even have Facebook if it wasn’t because I got to understand that If I want to create a change in this world, I must use the tools that are here in order for us to do so. So, slowly but surely – and with Bernard’s support/ push when seeing and realizing what the fuck I was actually fearing in terms of ‘adding too many friends’ on Facebook and sharing my writings there, etc.- I got myself to create an actual platform of me sharing myself there: it was not-existent and it didn’t came out ‘naturally.’
When I saw the fear for what it is, I began being more ‘open’ about sharing myself there – this was mostly because of being connected to ‘friends and family’ there and fearing having them asking me questions about Desteni or the portal or what I am doing, as if there was something ‘secret’ to keep – which is how I had dealt with my previous beliefs in the afterlife and spiritual-realms that I used to believe in. So I realized how I had to stop keeping this as my ‘belief-system’ that I would only ‘keep to myself’ and took the information as what it is, self-supportive material that is able to be used and practically applied by anyone that is able to see beyond the images and ‘surface’ of what it ‘appears to be,’ and focuses on listening to the message.
Self-Broadcasting and sharing with the world as myself
So now that I share and participate and have deliberately made the decision to be a constant presence in cyber-space within everything we do at Desteni, I can see that there would be no other way of doing it other than through the Internet, at least not to reach as many people in such a wide area like the entire world, lol. All the fears about questions that I feared people in my world would ask were never real. It is fascinating to see how the mind keeps lingering to creating all of these seemingly frightening scenarios of ‘what Ifs’ and within that, we keep ourselves just bound by such fears instead of taking them for what they are ‘mind fears.’
Getting to the internet and Desteni specifically, became this huge window toward the world that has allowed me to not only get to know myself, but get to know other human beings’ life experiences and within that, understanding how we function and how we can develop ways to see where and how we can practically become agents of change and transformation within this world. Because after all, I was not really ‘happy’ with how I saw the world, even if I tried to ‘shove it off’ for some time, I can see that any experience of self-doom was created out of how I would witness my reality as the city that I live in, my observations toward politics, the government, ‘the system’ and all of that. It wasn’t then such a ‘struck of luck’ that I got to Desteni, because there was always this ‘nagging spine’ within me trying to get an actual answer as to why the hell are we here on earth.
Now that I see and realize what a great tool it’s been, I stop thinking that I could ‘get myself back to my old patterns’ with such a thoughtful-ease – there is really no turning back and as much as this process might seem like too much, or ‘a drag,’ it is just part of the judgments we create at a mind level toward it, to make it seem ‘difficult’ because in essence, it’s been a perfect tool for ‘mind control’ which as Bella mentions, begins within ourselves.
There is no need to make it ‘more’ or ‘less’ than ourselves being ‘here,’ walking process in every moment of breath within the understanding that: there is Actual work, research, reading, participation, writing, sharing and education to be walked if we really want to create and establish a platform of self-support and education for more beings. It takes an actual walking-the-talk and doing, which is what I am grateful for I am now involved-with, because these ‘dormant’ resistances still come up, and it takes an actual ‘pushing’ for me to say: ‘I am in, I participate, I take this point on.’
I see and realize that any iota of desiring to ‘get back to my old self’ or ‘wanting to just leave it all’ is stemming from fear, fear of confronting myself and the reality I live in on a daily basis. And it might seem like entering this ever-lasting stream of information that we participate in on a daily basis – but once you get used to it, you realize that you are actually becoming part of the key points of support that are ‘here’ to share, direct news with common sense, sharing our own self support which is creating actual cool information that anyone can access to, and eventually support themselves equally if they have an intention and/or have made a decision to be serious about being part of the transformation required in this world to establish a world in Equality.
It doesn’t matter if we are physically near or not, which is the cool point about the internet and Desteni, we are connected by common interests that are not ‘separate bubbles’ equating the CULTtures and values we are witnessing define everyone within ‘little realms’ of preferences and affiliations within this world. We take on common-sensical aspects that apply and pertain to all beings in this world, that’s our starting point and that’s how it is an all inclusive group: you are serious to be the change that this world requires = you begin with supporting yourself and join a group/ a force that is already doing so.
I’ve finally found people around the world that are willing to live the same way that I once dreamed we could live as: supporting each other, reading each other, sharing ourselves – instead of having to discuss someone else’s books and fictional stories. This is the real deal and for that, I’m grateful to be walking here – I take all these minute fears and resistances through Self Forgiveness in order to see and expose them for what they are, nothing but habits and patterns that I realize must be stopped and directed on a constant/ daily basis.
This world works in patterns and habits – so I create a pattern and a habit of sharing myself, participating, deliberately wording myself and pressing ‘submit’ wherein I make sure that no fear stands in the way of me expressing/sharing and supporting the way to stand as the living expression of what Life should be lived as by all of us in this world.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach the word ‘obligation’ to ‘being in the internet’
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a dependence toward internet for the past 14 years of my life wherein I get into an idea of ‘being disconnected from the world’ if not being in the internet
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being ‘too comfortable’ with having no internet because this means I am not aware of what is ‘going on’ in the world, apparently, and I can just remain in my own bubble wherein I don’t have any responsibilities toward the world –
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link the ‘internet’ to ‘responsibility’ because it is through there that I participate with others, I inform myself, I communicate and interact with others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach a ‘negative value’ to the word responsibility instead of realizing that it is a word that I am here to live as myself as the realization of what must be done in order to understand how the world works and how I can practically assist to create a new-system that will enable us to coexist in an effective-living way.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I could remain in this state of ‘disconnectedness’ toward the world because it is ‘very comfortable’ to not have to do daily tasks and constant participation in the world within the internet.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to relate the word ‘comfortable’ as in being devoid of responsibilities, wherein I then see that it is actually abdicating self-responsibility and a mind-comfort created within this association, it’s not an actual physical comfort because I realize that I could ‘feel alright’ within my mind – but the nagging thoughts about myself and reality would continue if I didn’t have the will to support myself to stop and correct myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I deeply wish or desire that I had never gotten myself into the internet which means
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see the internet as a a ’blessing’ but also as a ‘torture’ in terms of who I am and what I have become now as an active participant within the internet as a way to communicate, interact, share, write, inform myself and co-operate within a group that is constantly working and creating information in order to support ourselves.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the internet as a torture toward myself but also a great tool.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see it as a ‘torture’ because I would have essentially kept myself in a very comfortable bubble wherein ‘everything is fine’ and there’s nothing to do but ‘seek my personal fulfillment.’
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to at times create a slight resistance to go through my email, through Facebook, through forums, in fear of it being all just ‘too much’ to go through and in essence not wanting to participate because of the actual work and dedication it entails, without realizing that it is the best way I can direct myself: supporting myself/ supporting others which is essentially what we all should be doing as humanity in order to really create a world that’s best for all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I am ‘not there’ for a day, everything will just compound and become unbearable. Without realizing that it is just an idea of myself toward the points that must be taken one by one without ‘rushing’ or creating and expectation of it all being ‘done’ within a particular time-frame.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself in a constant ‘battle against time’ wherein I set up my own ‘scores’ and act from the vantage point of ‘who I am’ within a self-definition as being ‘fast and accurate’ which I have realized is an energetic ego-driven persona that I have developed throughout the years as a point of self-definition, making it a ‘positive aspect’ within myself, without realizing that I have only been ‘fighting against time’ and ‘beating my own records’ as a synonym of ‘self improvement.’ Lol which is actually bullshit really, I move and direct myself at a physical pace, as breathe here in every moment, without having to create the delusion of ‘I must go there’ and rush all the time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the current awareness that I have toward this world as myself, and everything being part of ‘who I am’ and having to take responsibility for it, because within this, there is actual work to be done as in walking a process of self-correction to actually do something to create a world that is best for all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire that I had never gotten to know about the actual reality in this world – because that would have meant me just continuing living my ‘little bubble’ wherein I was unaware of the actual state of the world- and within this,
I forgive myself that I am actually allowing thoughts of ‘not wanting to actually do the necessary work’ to create a world that is and will be best for all.’
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create any form of laziness which is actually fear of change, fear of exposing myself, fear of taking actual ‘actions’ that I have to conduct and will challenge who I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become, not only on a ‘personal basis’ but as humanity, as a whole.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in a polarity relationship toward the internet as a ‘great need’ but also as a point of ‘rejection’ toward it in the back of my head if I get too overwhelmed by it – hence creating an opposite of feeling ‘comfortable’ with not having Internet/ not having to ‘be there’ all the time, and in that allowing me to get used to not participate, not voice myself, not write and share because that’s quite a comfortable way of existing wherein, we would only focus ‘toward ourselves’ and not the world and the current reality we’re living in.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep thoughts in the back of my head of an apparent ‘nice past time’ wherein I didn’t have to confront myself as in facing myself through this process and the world as myself, because it was seemingly ‘better’ to exist that way according to the memories that I have decided to keep of myself as the past, without actually remembering how ‘lost’ I felt when I was oblivious to this reality, which is how I resorted to ‘seek myself’ through my own mindfucks in writings, books, music and relationships in an inherent attempt to ‘connect with the world,’ which is essentially how I have now decided to direct myself and my life through using the internet as a main tool of self-support.
I stop judging the internet as an ‘addiction’ or as a ‘first necessity’ point within my life, I stop seeing myself with bad eyes for being in it all the time, without realizing that this has become the way for me to educate myself, to direct myself to participate in matters that matter within this world, wherein I have finally found ‘the way’ to connect/ support and realize myself as others as well.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the internet, Facebook, mails, forums, news, videos as something that I could ‘resist’ in order to keep myself in a very comfortable position of ‘not having to do anything about it’ and in that way keeping myself in a very comfortable position wherein ‘nothing disturbs me.’
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link the awareness of the reality of this world as something that ‘disturbs me,’ instead of realizing that this is just the way to start seeing what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become, which should not create any ‘experience’ within me, but simply acting according to how I can stand as the solution, as the point of self-responsibility and self-direction in relation to what I am now aware of requires direction and correction within this world.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I could have remained in a ‘comfortable bubble’ within my world if I hadn’t gotten to the internet – without realizing that the truth of this world cannot be denied or ‘hidden’ within our every-day living reality to not see it. I have simply ‘chosen’ to become aware of it and direct myself accordingly.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever judge myself for my participation within the internet which can only come from a starting point of ego and not an actual realization of having assessed the publishing, sharing and distribution of information in relation to making a point of self-support available for myself/others in my world and through the internet.
If we all participate in common sense within the internet, being self-honest about who we are, sharing how we support ourselves to stop our personal interest and get involved in collective-interests, sharing how we can becoming effective at what we do, sharing information that is practical and ‘valuable’ within the context of education, the internet would be an awesome place to be in.
Unfortunately that’s not the case at the moment – and the same you can access a page full of pornography or ‘101 ways on how to commit suicide’ than you can open up a website on Self Forgiveness and how to become a Self-Responsible being. Therefore, at the moment it’s like a ‘free-range arena’ wherein you can decide what you want to browse for, what you want to participate in – this is how participating in Desteni is a fully self-directive point, wherein beings decide for themselves to either be a part of it or not – no one is pushing it down your throat as part of some squared educational system. It is a truly open-source platform of information and self-support that anyone can walk and have access-to if they have access to the internet.
For those that don’t have internet yet – we hear you, and we will make sure that in the future, internet is free and accessible for all because we have realized what a useful tool it is for purposes of education and, currently, establishing democratic procedures to become involved in the necessary actions and decision-making in the world.
Fascinating, this is how we can actually see who and what we decide to do and direct ourselves as in this world. I have decided that I want to live and support myself and others along, therefore here I stand.