I had felt a tremendous ‘yearning’ for something in my life, it really drove me toward various directions wherein I was seeking this ‘something’ that I was ‘missing’ – apparently – and what’s funny is that it could be equally fulfilled with eating a chocolate, watching a film or having a nice sex-session… and nope my ‘meditation’ never took me to such bliss, I guess I was too much of a neophyte in that.
What I never knew until now is that such yearning to be fool-filled was in fact nothing else but a preprogrammed system that we have accepted as ‘who we are’ which was given with the promise of ‘Eternal Life’ – or at least a Heavenly-experience once you die. We accepted this yearning for a spiritual realm wherein ‘everything would be fine’ as ‘that which is real’ of ourselves. By having this promise on the shelf, we accepted to live a life of ‘learning lessons’ and generating all types of connections to something ‘divine’ or at least something that could bring us ‘closer to God,’ similar to that Heavenly-experience which many would channel through different ways: spirituality, religion, relationships, sports, sex, drugs, alcohol to name but a few. Now it makes sense! All those miserable years I spent within this ‘yearning’ for something else was nothing but me following my mind – because I always accepted my mind as ‘who I am’ – see.king to obtain the ultimate happiness/ bliss/ fulfillment in life. I never considered or even accepted myself as a ‘whole’ within my own body before.
When we would break apart from relationships or desiring relationships, we were in fact seeking to fulfill our ‘love-fix’ again, which has been also explained by science as a chemical-fixation within our bodies. That’s how stopping a relationship is similar to the process of withdrawing from a certain drug. This is what we have accepted as ‘love’ – or even the term ‘lovesick’ when getting too much of it– however it’s gotten way more toxic than a simple chemical-dependency at a biological level.
And, if one look at for example, drugs/alcohol – it give one that positive/heavenly experience – equal-to and one-with that heavenly-experience self as the soul desired and so addictions are created to energy/heaven/afterlife searching for the ‘better life’ as we’re pre-programmed to yearn for ‘that experience’. – Sunette Spies
The fact is that when reading Sunette’s explanation on this energetic aspect, the word ‘drug’ popped up and began remembering how easy it was to get a quick-fix on an experience induced by a chemical drug, by spirituality, by this yearning to ‘be fulfilled within a relationship.’ It literally becomes this icky obsession that keeps us occupied in our minds the whole time, without even daring to ask ‘Is it really ME here that is yearning for this? Or is this just a mind-generated addiction?– for all cases, addictions begin at a mind level.
No wonder that it is easy to get fixated on drugs, sex, relationship, spirituality = we were preprogrammed to do this. And this ‘human trait’ became a juicy predisposition for anyone that sought to make money out of human’s feeble character easily swayed by desires –which is what has been vindicated as the infamous ‘Human Nature.’ Yes, this great excuse to always be seeking for our personal-interest and seeking to be satisfied/ fulfilled/ content with buying, consuming and generating any form of ‘pleasant experience’ – whichever ‘form’ such experience would take.
I also fell for this big time. It began with this inextricable yearning for ‘something’ that lead me to become a music-junky – for real and by this I mean being listening to music most of the time when I was not in school and/or sleeping, even though I would go as far as sleeping with my earphones on sometimes. By this creating all of these ‘mental relationships’ with people that I got to idolize from the bands I liked. I can identify this ‘idolizing’ process as something similar to ‘feeling understood’ or even ‘cared for’ because of someone externalizing that which I then thought I was ‘also feeling’ inside me.
This is where the entire identification of myself as emotions/ feelings began, simply because I was yearning to experience the same that I could see those beings were experiencing when performing. I guess this is how I chose to be an ‘artist’ lol, because it was a way to justify me being extremely used to ‘being emotional’ and ‘being in touch with myself’ lolol I am laughing because I have written heaps before about me being a drama queen, and the usual stereotype of ‘artists’ is that of being an egotistical emotional-driven being that is then ‘accepted as is’ because ‘that’s who artists are/ that’s what they do,’ being and feeling ‘misunderstood’ and extremely ‘sensitive’ to the world. Fascinating that we even created such niches in our society to never allow to question such experiences within ourselves, but even glorify them to the extent of equating ‘being a sensitive being’ to something that was almost touched by the hand of god, which is how artists were also identified as in the past.
Yes, we accepted these experiences or ‘gifts’ as a god-given trait or ‘right’ as you may wish to call it as well, I mean, we’ve essentially walked endless cycles of living out the same lives without being able to remember it, without getting to a point of ever questioning anything of this existence. And oh no if you actually got to a certain point of Self-Realization: you were screwed till the 9th hell which is here on Earth anyways, but just in a more miserable and in a position wherein ‘those in heaven’ would make sure that no one could get to a point of realizing who they really are.
So, I accepted myself as this ‘sensitive being’ and proceeded to cultivate my ‘sensitive preferences’ such as sticking to the world of ‘the intangible’ like music, literature, philosophy, painting, writing and so forth – I used to talk a lot to myself, it was my primary relationship and how I probably built up this idea of being a bit ‘coo-coo’ for doing that, never realizing that all humans do that, yet some hide it or simply take it as the infamous ‘human nature’ without having ever pondered ‘hmm, but where are these thoughts, feelings and emotions essentially coming from?’ So this is how I began giving myself my own ‘fixes’ through generating thoughts, feelings and emotions through all of these ‘activities.’
I never equated that to the same fix that everyone else was looking as ‘love’ – it is only now that I can understand I also drove myself through a similar vein.
The love fix
So I eventually got involved in relationships and got to see what a marvelous fix it was, and the fact is that it is accepted in this world without a question makes it something as ‘normal’ as having to eat to live. There are millions of songs, books, and anything that I could think of related to ‘love’ and ‘relationships’ and being happy or being feeling miserable because of not having this love-fix.
But, I developed another curiosity which was mostly enticed by movies that I was attracted to for ‘some odd reason’= preprogrammed – wherein drugs was the main player. I know that there are many beings that have gone through this, in fact some of these movies became the first ‘bridge’ I built as a ‘likeness’ with someone that I could then call a ‘best friend’ or even ‘soul mate’ for that matter lol. So, I was very curious about drugs and dedicated some hours to reading articles about it, investigating the effects, read about the movements related to drugs like the ‘rave’ era in the 90’s, the Oxycontin boom in the early 200o’s and all the hype about heroin from the 70’s on. Music was pretty much linked to drugs and with me having ‘admired’ all these beings as personal-heroes, it lead me to think that ‘this is it, that must be that which I must be yearning for.’
So, just as anyone else in the world, I became a junky for various things including relationships, sex, weed, music, books, anything that could give me a very ‘specific’ energy- obviously at that time I didn’t question this nor did I ponder why I was ‘driven’ to-it, I just accepted it as part of my ‘personality.’ All the music I would listen, the relationships I had, the stories I would read, the nature of my writings would give me a specific energetic-kick that I then defined as ‘who I am.’ This only lead me to seek – just as any other junky in this world – ‘new ways’ of taking the energetic-kick to ‘the next level.’
An examples is how in pornography, beings stop getting their ‘fix’ out of the usual porn and go into various ‘specialized’ ways of presenting naked bodies that they can jack off to. That’s how sadistic porn, pedophilia and any other paraphilia is formed: becoming more specific in that which ‘turns you on,’ just like a machine that requires oil and fuel to ‘keep going,’ to keep ‘riding the rollercoaster’ which we have defined as ‘life.’
This is how we initially react so much to the point of having to stop our minds, simply because we are all addicts to generate experiences in whichever way we find ourselves ‘comfortable’ with. We have all sought for a ‘something’ to fulfill within our lives to give us a specific feeling/ emotion that we have called ‘being alive.’ It is fascinating how in our world and society, not being experiencing feelings or emotions is seeing as a malady, is seen as if ‘something is wrong’ with the being because, apparently, the being is ‘detached from reality.’ This is because of having defined life as a constant stream of energetic experiences, instead of realizing that it is an actual physical constancy and consistency just as we breathe here – in and out – at the physical pace that is not bound to ‘time.’ We end up depleting ourselves while trying to get the ‘most experiences throughout our day/ our lifetime.’
Love is a Drug
“Thus for spirituality to exist as love and peace — we have to allow ourselves to be blind to the actuality of the conditions in this world and promote this world as an illusion with reality only after death, making it impossible to reason with the spirituals”
– Bernard Poolman
I definitely got to experiment with drugs in order to see if I could get to this ‘transcendental state’ which I had heard, read and mindfucked myself-with from stories about Maria Sabina, Carlos Castañeda, Alejandro Jodorowsky and his ‘once in a lifetime’ intake of LSD – apparently – as well as Terence McKenna whom I had gotten to know of when investigating about entheogens, an intake of mushrooms or any other drug to create a connection with ‘the whole.’ So I was quite interested into this entire ‘exploration’ as a way to get to ‘transcendental planes’- I actually was ‘this close’ to further down that rabbit hole . I was ‘saved by the bell.’
No wonder ‘ecstasy’ is called the ‘love drug’ because it really becomes this ever-glowing experience wherein everything just feels great – it is a FEELING, it is a literal mindfuck and we all go throughout our lives seeking for this ‘great experience.’ I mean, once again, look at your movie plots, songs, books, adds, religion, spirituality, self-improvement courses, self-help associations, supermarkets, it’s all about indulging into the gooey love experience that will ‘give a meaning to your life.’
Well, if by ‘meaning of life’ we have accepted being constantly experiencing such a chemically-induced experience that we have called ‘love,’ no wonder we’re living in a world full of addicts.
Unfortunately, this addiction has become also the greatest ESC button to neglect the reality that is HERE as our world, wherein we all know that no positive thinking, no ‘loving thoughts, no ‘meditation’ or seeing ‘world peace’ with daily prayer will bring food, water, shelter and proper living conditions to human beings that are starving on a daily basis.
‘Good spirits’ is then the perfect excuse to get drunk on the holy-spirit of alcohol, drugs, sex and call this a ‘heaven on Earth.’ Is this all that we aim for? Waiting for weekends to come to get a ‘heavenly mindfucking experience,’ getting a huge hangover the next day, ending up spending what was earned through the week, to then forget about the ‘awkward parts,’ keep the ‘nice fluffy experience’ as a memory to ‘save’ and be willing to do it all over again the next one. This is what we have diminished ‘life’ to, what a gas.
We induce this idea of ‘excitement’ and ‘happiness’ toward children as well, making use of the infamous chemical catalyzers to produce altered states of beingness which are commonly accepted as: candies. Can.dies as the sellable version of Sugar is then linked to ‘love’ through giving them as a ‘demonstration’ of care/ love toward people which is just the same as giving an ecstasy to your lover get the same ‘hype’ within a relationship again. And the reality is that all of this is seen as ‘normal’ without realizing that we have all been playing out the same game – either alone or along with others – within seeking this ‘something’ that will make us ‘feel’-something – you name the game, it costs money usually and it keeps us well occupied in our heads while neglecting the reality that is HERE as this world, that is now suffering the effects of a self-interest driven society.
Why would we want to be ‘eternal’ then? To continue seeking more fuel to energize our systems and get a fluffy experience, while neglecting the fact that the acquisition and extraction of such energy is depleting the planet itself?
God Is Love
I stumbled upon the definition for:
n noun a synthetic mood-altering drug, used illegally as a stimulant.
So, if love, sex, spirituality, alcohol, drugs, movies, songs, food, religion and god is able to give you a mood-swing ( lol ) why aren’t all of these things dubbed as ‘illegal stimulants’? Everything can be a drug for that matter and the fact that some are legal or illegal is just a matter of money.
You can get legal amphetamines in dieting procedures as well as using other masking-names for it like Benzedrine. Prozac is just the ‘over the counter’ counteract for it, wherein depression is just the reversed form of being in love – lol. Chemicals to ‘treat depression’ are seen as ‘meds’ whereas anything that induces love – which is a drug, remember – is promoted extensively just like candy, literally. Both are equally profitable and this is how, we can just say that we are full of drugs everywhere, just by our accepted and allowed ‘human nature’ as having to be experiencing something to being alive.
So, to get out of the ‘love trap’ or any other drug that keeps us bound to the ‘ups and downs’ we have dared to call ‘life’s cycles’ and ‘human nature,’ we must stop our dependency to thinking, to being constantly seeking to ‘feel’ something – as simple as that.
Love has been a trap that we have all fallen for – in one way or another – even in its opposite as ‘hate’ wherein the same energetic input is placed onto oneself or others, yet only varying on it being positive or negative energy = the human remains the same in that constant mind-trap wanting to be ‘experiencing’ something all the time.
What’s interesting from this is that I had despised ‘love’ all the way, dubbing it as something ‘too cheesy for my pizza’ yet never realized I had indulged in the exact same thing whenever I would have a relationship or would be seeking (or sickening) myself with a more ‘spiritual’ approach of such love through wanting to establish a connection with ‘the whole’ and, obviously, when indulging in chemically induced experiences through drugs. I was only disconnected from HERE because of being thinking/ feeling/ yearning instead of breathing myself here.
For that, the ‘God’ character is the main narco in this whole Earth-reality. ‘God is Love,’ remember?
Support yourself to get out of the ‘love-fix’ at
Darryl Thomas’ 2012 & the Fraud of Buddha’s “Enlightenment”
Matti Freeman’s 2012: SELF TRANSFORMATION OF THE ENERGETIC INDIVIDUAL
Stopped loving your partner? take some XTC! – Earth Review by Ann Van Den Broeck
Blogs for further Self-Support:
Poolman, Bernard. “How can love exist.” Desteni Articles. (2007): n. page. Web. 6 Mar. 2012. http://desteni.org/a/bernard-how-can-love-exist
Poolman, Bernard. “Illusionists use Love with Great Effect.”Desteni Articles. Interviews from the Farm.71 (2010): n. page. Web. 6 Mar. 2012. http://desteni.org/a/interviews-from-the-farm-71-illusionists-use-love-with-great-effect
Poolman, Bernard. “Love is Mind Control .” Desteni Articles. Interviews from the Farm. 28 (2009): n. page. Web. 6 Mar. 2012. http://desteni.org/a/interviews-from-the-farm-28-love-is-mind-control
Poolman, Bernard. “Why Love and Light will Never change Reality.” Desteni Articles. (2010): n. page. Web. 6 Mar. 2012. http://desteni.org/a/why-love-and-light-will-never-change-reality