This is a title suited in relation to the point that if one apple is rotted, it will affect others to eventually rot as well – haven’t tested if this is 100% so and if you have any idea of this being a myth, let me know – however within the points that we’ll walk here, it is to understand that we are the product of a society that is currently not supportive for everyone, and how within one single point being ‘missed’ – that will invariably affect the whole.
This came through a post at the Desteni Forum wherein we realize how important it is to not only blame our parents for having ‘induced’ us into ‘living a life’ wherein fear is the foundation of our actions or inactions.
There is a lot more to consider within that and I agreed with having a similar thought to what Cam Mantia expressed in thinking that ‘It seems like parents don’t even want to raise their children anymore’ which has been part of the backchat I’ve had when observing parents and their children, or hearing children cry on a daily basis in the house next door where it is inevitable not to think ‘why do they have children in the first place if they are not willing to support them and take care after them’? Which would imply obviously not abusing them, but supporting them to live.
I’ve realized through walking with Desteni and supporting myself to see ‘beyond what meets the eye,’ to understand that the current state of ‘parenting’ is the result of generations after generations of passing on the same ‘sins of the fathers’ – it is the product of several factors that are not to be taken only at a face-value so to speak. It is the outflow of the entire configuration of a system wherein Life is Not supported – hence the majority – if not most of the people – have not realized what supporting a child with proper development is and should be, that’s what creates the current world we’re living in wherein anything that can keep kids ‘occupied’ and entertained is used and abused, instead of developing ways to communicate and interact with them. Children enjoy expressing themselves unconditionally and what do we find parents do? they only seek way to ‘keep them calm’ or in a sedated mode in front of the TV – not that the TV is ‘bad’ but being aware of what they are watching and if that is actually supportive for them.
“All the adults over 30 years old today are the product of the age where children where deliberately programmed to be consumers setting in motion the same training to become homegrown. Today consumerism is totally homegrown. Now with marketing and research into what makes the desires glow in children, we face a problem of massive proportions if we are to stop us from consuming our world just in the name of feeling happy.” Bernard Poolman
In my case I was easily controlled, meaning, I would comply to ‘keep quiet’ and not be such a bouncy kid when the moment was not the ‘adequate’ one. However I did have moments of playing and enjoying, mostly before 7 years old wherein my parents would support all my imaginary-trips of wanting to be an ‘artist’ and would record me while dancing and ‘singing’ etc. – that type of stuff was fun and I can see the ‘excitement’ that would come from having my parents being there with me and enjoying along.
I can almost recall how ‘cool’ it felt to have their attention and support, like being able to ‘hang out with them’ is quite an important point for the child. When I started growing up, things changed, but that was mostly because of how I started watching more television and becoming more aware of the roles we would play at school, ‘friends’ and essentially introducing myself to the ‘world system,’ which is the point that eventually influences even the ‘happiest child in the world’ – that’s how we can see that unless ‘all is free non is free.’
So, in the case of a family not supporting their child effectively, the point is looking at how that will inevitably become part of the ‘problems’ within the system as the kid goes and interacts with other kids in school, for example.
What can happen is that such children that were not supported effectively, go to school and become jealous of the kid that had the ‘cool life’ or seems relatively stable, and eventually exert such jealousy toward such stability through envy/ nastiness that turns into bullying, for example. That’s within the understanding of what I wrote in the previous entry of ‘Self-Honesty as Fear Label,’ wherein we realize that because this entire society has been based on fear, anything that stands out of the scheme is then ‘feared’ thus attacked. Separation is then brewed among children, and there is ‘no explanation’ to this, apparently’ – kids are punished, some others are victimized without actually looking at the cause of the problem. And this is something that happens in every single school – now take this point into the ‘adult world’ and you will get a society of criminals and victims that would simply not have to exist as such fear-labels if everyone had been supported from childhood to support themselves to live and consider each other being as an equal.
A lot of problems such as the trendy ‘bullying’ are mostly blamed upon parents – however if there is not effective support for parents to learn how to raise and educate a child, how on Earth would we expect the problem to be solved? This is not only a ‘family’ problem or only relevant if you are willing to be a parent – this is about human education and how we have all been the product of two human beings and their personal histories and genetic dynasties that mingle and become ‘who we are.’ This is something that pertains all of us as it parenting and the general process of interaction and communication within the family, is the key to create a society living within the principle of what is Best for All.
Our current ‘integrity’ is that of promoting fear, survival and competition toward others wherein through adults living an entire lifetime within this mechanism, when the time comes to bring children to the world, all they know is perpetuating the same ‘ways’ in which they were educated as well – some even go into thinking that it’s best to do it in a ‘rough way’ as that ensures that children are able to remember through traumatic events what to do and what not to do. All abuse is unacceptable as it will invariably be then re-played by the child either towards themselves or others.
From this point of accepted and allowed abuse at home, we develop personalities that are used to such abusive patterns as the initial link of ‘being with human beings as a supportive point’ is broken and instead, aversion toward parents, other children and ‘the world’ ensues. We brew our own conditions and fellow neighbors at home, it is vital to understand this to the utmost specificity: if we allow one single child to ‘rot’ and recreate the patterns of the past through imposing the education of repression, fear and limitation, what we will have is one single person that will create the same abusive patterns regardless of ‘the rest’ being properly supported.
This is how we can understand that ‘only caring for your family’ is not considering the fact that we are part of this entire world. This thinking-pattern is only supporting the same survival-fears that lead us to be bound to a money-god driven society wherein you only ensure you and ‘your loved ones’ are ‘alright’ and don’t really care about considering that others are also yourself, and that the moment that ‘others’ are not being equally supported to live effectively, their reality will invariably affect You as well – no matter what = that’s the rotten apples point.
I’ve placed the example of how within being bullied at school – even if you live in a supportive environment – it eventually gets on to you and start playing out the same games that lead to discrimination and separation. Then we create ourselves as personalities that are able to ‘survive’ within the system, such as how I had to develop a ‘hard veneer’ in order to be able to withstand the general conditions of competition and attacks that would come from that irrational fear that people have toward seeing someone being mostly stable or in the school system, being a ‘good student’ as I experienced it.
Instead of promoting ‘beating others’ for it, promoting how to stand one and equal as that point of stability and support that we are all able to give if we begin with ourselves. We realize that money can be a factor that determines the stability that parents themselves may experience, which is why it is imperative to work with parents in order to make sure that all abuse is stopped within self, and within that, ensuring that it is not propagate toward your own children. .
We have to stop recreating the same old ways of living in this ‘fear-based society’ wherein we eventually end up fucking up each other as no one can really ‘stand outside of the game’ even if you had the greatest support while growing up – apparently.
What I have realized is that even within the support I had while growing up, we have to dig into the fine details to see how even the perceived ‘goodness’ has never actually been based-on and within the consideration of what is best for all. Once again, realizing how one ‘bad apple’ can rot the rest, which is also realizing to what extent we’ll have to make sure everyone is aligned to living by the principle of what is best for all, and this process is precisely the way to do so.
I’ve learned how to take a lot more into consideration before blaming something or someone for our current accepted and allowed experience. Ultimately, we are all equally responsible and it is only within this understanding that all judgments stop being justified by the backchat wherein ‘the world is evil’ and ‘I fear everyone’ were usual thoughts that would define ‘who I am’ toward the world, toward people and naturally lived as ‘who I am.’
A world without fear is possible, yet we cannot ‘remove’ it with a magic wand, there is actual work to do and so far from what we have walked with fellow Destonians, supporting yourself through the tools of writing, self honesty, self forgiveness and the self corrective application is the way to realize how we have been the product of the accepted and allowed past that we cannot possibly continue blaming, but ensure that we become the point that stands up and stops the sins of the fathers from being perpetuated. That’s how we remove all possible ‘rotten apples’ and realize that: what I do and live-by has an effect on the whole – that’s considering Oneness and Equality, that’s what’s Best for All, living in Self-Honesty to be self-responsible within the consideration of the consequences that we manifest with every single word, thought and deed.
“Blame is a distraction from holding oneself accountable and setting an example. The common misconception is that a process of recreating the self/system from the inside out is impractical and that no one will accept it, yet circumstances will lead to people ‘losing their minds’ one way or another, so it’s best to begin as soon as possible, if one hasn’t already.” – Scott Cook
- Fear of being a ‘bad’ mother | Agnieszka Dine
What parents Fear: “One of the greatest fear of a parent is that their child will be without food, money and a place to stay. If this does happen, parents often blame themselves or their children for what has happened, instead of realizing that it is the current system we are in, designed around competition and failure – which is responsible for the experience.”
Life Review – Misunderstood
Here a being shares his Life Review of his experience in this world with being misunderstood, where no-one could see or understand his intentions/future goals because of the extent to which adults/grown-ups have their our purity, innocence and expression.